


Lost And Insecure!

by littlecupcake7



Series: Lost and Insecure! [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Being Lost, Bullying, Camping, Car Accidents, Carnival, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Presents, College, Dancing in the Rain, Drunk Lexa, Everybody Lives, F/F, Fear, Foster Care, Green Eyes, Halloween Costumes, Heda Lexa, Hope, Jealous Clarke, Jealous Lexa, Love, Mixed feelings, Protection, Protective Clarke, School, Secure, Trust Issues, Turmoil, Virginity, insecure, lonely, scared
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-18
Updated: 2017-12-14
Packaged: 2018-08-23 05:21:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 38
Words: 222,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8315491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlecupcake7/pseuds/littlecupcake7
Summary: Lexa fostered by Abby and Jake AU!A strong person is one who knows how to be quiet, shed a tear for a moment then picks up their gloves and is ready to fight back. The story where Lexa's past is sad teaching her to rely on herself as school never gets better and being stuck in the system is her normal day to day. What happens when the Griffins take her in? Can Lexa grow from the small shell she has shielded herself in with silence, shyness and fear or will it backfire? Includes Angst, jealousy, bullying, pent up frustrations, and a very timid lexa.(Will be continues end of august)





	1. Chapter 1

**Lost And Insecure**

 

Lexa had always felt like she lived in a nightmare, a world that was never meant to be hers yet impossible to escape. She had moved from place to place, bed to bed as she was repeatedly moved around in the system. She never knew where she would be going next, she never knew what kind of family she would be introduced to that wanted to take a shot at her but she always already knew the ending. The last home had been the worst and ever since Lexa had closed down on herself finally accepting no one really wants her, no one really loves her, the people that once did are dead. She accepted it because what other reason was there to repeatedly be given up on, repeatedly sent back into the system sometimes after just a few weeks but some made it into months. It was because she was oddly quiet, she refused people to see her vulnerability, to see the real pain behind green eyes everytime she got rejected like the time before. So when she climbed out the car and looked at the big house in front of her, she knew this place would be no different, she knew this place would never become her home. Her fate was already sealed.  


  
"Hi" Abby greeted "I'm Abby" She smiled holding her hand out to shake.  
  
"Lexa" Lexa shifted foot to foot fiddling with the hem of her sleeve as she kept her gaze fixed firmly down on the ground she was uncomfortable, very uncomfortable.   
  
"This is jake" Abby introduced noticing Lexa's awkwardness   
  
"You alright kid" He smiled placing an arm around his wife, he to didn't miss how on edge Lexa looked, he squeezed his wife's shoulder gently letting her know to move it along to let the girl settle in.  
  
"Let's get you inside" Jakes added nodding her to follow.  
  
\----  
  
If anyone was to look at the brunette being shown around the house while shifting uncomfortable and not saying one word the would have thought she was a mute. An unhappy shifty mute. It wasn't that the place wasn't nice, or that the family were intimidating, It was because she didn't get the point in any of this she would only be here for a few week's if she was lucky and then return back to her true home in the system with all the other troubled teenagers. Lexa already had it buried in her head that foster family's just wanted the paycheck at the end of the month they don't really care if you're healthy or happy as long as she shut up and course them no trouble. Then soon as they are fed up of having you around they ship you back of to whatever shit hole you came from without a second thought, so Lexa refused to settle into the Griffin's house until they were done with her.  
  
"This is your room" Jake smiled pushing the door open for the brunette to step in. The first thing Lexa noticed was two beds only separated by draws between them. "I hope you don't mind sharing. We have a daughter, her names Clarke" He beamed proudly speaking of his daughter while placing Lexa's stuff suitcase on her bed. "She will be back from school shortly, I think you two will get on" he said softly at the still quiet shy brunette who had yet to say a single word. The silence lingered for a moment causing Jake to turn and face his wife not sure what else to say or do in this situation. "Ok well I will let you unpack and settle in we will be downstairs" He explained softly with a tiny smile before exiting the room gripping Abby's hand.  
  
"She's rather quiet" Jake confesses. "I hope Clarke can get more out of her"  
  
"They will be fine" Abby reassures knowing her daughter is quite the chatterbox.

  
\--

When Lexa heard the door click close she released a breathe she never knew she held. So far the Griffin family seemed nice but then again they all did on the very first day Lexa just thought it was to do with first good impressions however she had never been to a family that already had a daughter. Only when she catches sight of photos plastered all over the mirror of a happy blonde in every photo does she repeat Clarke's name in her head. She focuses on every photo individually noticing the continuous smile or laugher the blonde held in each one. She was beautiful.  
She shifted from foot to foot around the room noticing how big it really was, definitely big enough for two people. There were two beds one by the wall of the window that was Clarke's and two set's of Chester draws separating Lexa's bed from Clarke's. Clarke's mirror was attached to the wall above her draws completely covered in photo's while the blonde's wall beside her bed was covered in drawings. They weren't of anything in particular but the drawings were incredible with more detail than most people could even see the smallest of aspects having the most detail. Lexa was amazed that someone could draw like this having never noticed the amount of detail that could be involved in a simple drawing and without even knowing what she was doing her finger traced down the drawn lines of a woman protecting herself from the heavy beating rain.  
She felt like she learned a few things already. Clarke was blonde, bright blue eyes, could draw amazingly, looked very happy and she would be stuck sharing a room with her.  
  
"Is there a reason you're on my side of the room?" A soft voice came from the door instantly making the brunette jump and snap her gaze away from the drawings and to the blonde standing at the door with a smile   
  
"Sorry" the Lexa muttered quickly moving her feet away from Clarke's side not even aware they had sides. She placed her bum on the edge of her own bed not sure where to stand or where to look. Her gaze dropped to her lap where her fiddling fingers started to play with the material of her shirt.   
  
Clarke stepped in the room throwing her school bag on her bed before dropping to it instantly with a huff.  
"So I go to school with a room to myself, come back and now i have to share" She stated in to the silent room "That's your side this is mine" Clarke sat up looking to the awkward brunette furrowing her brows before continuing "Stick to it and we won't have a problem, ok?" Clarke questioned only to watch the other girl nod quickly, still shifting uncomfortably.  
  
"Good" Clarke huffed once more not best pleased with the lack of response. "So you're Lexa" Clarke questioned eyeing the brunette up from head to toe, black ripped jeans chequered shirt with combat boots, leather bracelet's on her wrist with her hair tied back with natural curls. She was cute. "Do you speak?" Clarke questioned as the girl still hadn't really put a sentence together   
  
"I can" Lexa barely spoke feeling her hand's getting clammy still not wanting to face the girl in front of her "You're Clarke" Lexa muttered awkwardly the name Jake had said to her.  
  
"I am" Clarke confirmed hoping there would be more to Lexa's few words but that never came. Clarke just looked at the girl in front of her funny, out of all the people she had met she had never quite met someone this complicated to have a conversation with, and already she was getting fed up, she had to share a room with a stranger, a girl who couldn't even form a few words together and already she hoped she wouldn't be here long.   
  
"Well as interesting as this conversation isn't" Clarke laughed smacking on her thigh's before standing up "I have places to be, Don't mess up my room, hopefully, your not here to long" Clarke spoke honestly, she wanted her room back, this was her home her family, not some stranger who thinks they can just walk in and share everything. When the door clicked shut behind her Lexa finally lifted her head up.   
  
"Hopefully" she whispered sadly continuing to play with the end of her shirt. It had already been confirmed she wasn't wanted in this household so she struggled to find the point in even unpacking, so instead, she removed a few things from her case that would last a few days and shoved them in the drawer by her bed before pushing her suitcase under her bed.  
  
She knew she should be able to block everything out by now with the amount of rejection she had gone through, but still, Clarke's words hurt just like every other time. Only this time Clarke hadn't given her the time to want her gone, she just simply wanted it from one quick encounter. Quicker than anyone before. When she collided her head with the pillow she couldn't help but think about people that had a family. Of course, she was jealous of it who wouldn't be? She's had no one for so long that she almost forgets what if feels like to feel that warmth only your loved ones could provide. Instead, she was left feeling numb from day to day as she continued to fall down a dark hole. She already couldn't wait to leave this home.  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke becomes intrigued by Lexa,

** Lost And Insecure!  **

 

Lexa had been sitting at the dinner table with the three Griffins in silent, every now and again they would try to make conversation with her, much to there failure as Lexa simply nodded or shook her head while Clarke rolled her eyes at how stupid Lexa was being. She shifted her vegetable side to side on her plate with her fork, even under the table the girls fingers fiddled nervously if not with the hem of her shirt, it was with the leather on the seats or the threads on her ripped jeans it was a habit she had done for years, she like to fiddle with thing's between her fingers when ever she gets nervous, or if in awkward situations it would stimulate her brain, keep her calm and just focus on twiddling the item, it soothed her it was hard to explain why, or how but it did, no matter how annoying other's found the little habit.   
  
"Do you not like your vegetables?" Abby asked noticing the constant pushing to one side of a plate to the other   
  
"Not really," Lexa said shyly.  
  
"shit the bed the girl speaks!"Clarke laughed shoving her own vegetables in her mouth while Lexa sank deep into her seat.  
  
"Clarke!" Jake snapped "Watch your mouth"   
  
"What? She's like a mute, you could of at least found someone who actually talks!" Clarke explains. "Or a puppy! I would have preferred a puppy!" she declares under Jake's disapproving stare until Clarke just huffs in annoyance.  
  
"Just ignore her" Abby spoke politely with a gentle smile "I think it's good to be quiet sometimes, this one doesn't shut up" She admitted Looking to Clarke before turning back to Lexa who was growing more and more uncomfortable.  
  
"Charming" Clarke huffed once more getting more annoyed by the second while throwing carrots in her mouth more harshly. Not only was she not able to speak her mind, but they had put her down to make Lexa feel more comfortable.   
  
"May I be excused?" Lexa asked politely lifting her head up for just a second.  
  
"You may" Abby replied looking at the girl apologetically but admiring her manners to leave the table. They weren't like that in their household they simply just got up when finished eating and sorted there plates so she admired the girl for having such a terrible time in care yet still kept her manners.  
  
As the brunette stood up cleared her plate and headed upstairs to her room, she heard quiet mumbling going on in the dining room between the Griffin family but couldn't bring herself to listen.  
\---

"I expected better from you" Abby snapped with her tone quiet  
  
"I haven't done anything wrong she doesn't talk!" Clarke scowled at her mother "You're not the one who has to have her in your bedroom, are you? No. you wanted her not me" Clarke pushed back in her chair crossing her arms as her dad continued to give her the look, the look that made her feel guilty, the look to tell her what she is doing is wrong. She hated that look.   
"Would you stop" Clarke snapped "All i said was she didn't talk"  
  
"Clarke," Jake said softly moving to the chair next to her. "Lexa doesn't have a family which you are fortunate to have. This is a new place, new people, wouldn't you be nervous?" Jake questioned his normally mature daughter.  
  
"maybe" Clarke admitted thinking for the first time as she slouched back in her chair. Jake never said anymore he simply stood before squeezing her shoulder knowing Clarke would do the right thing.  
  
\--

Lexa wasn't tired even a little bit but she also didn't want to go back downstairs so instead she changed into her pajamas and slouched on her bed scrolling through her iPod in hope to find a song to lose herself and forget about this new place she would temporarily call home. However, as she was about to hit play Clarke walked into the room with more of a slouch than before as she sat on the edge of her bed facing Lexa. She didn't think much to Clarke really, she understood that sharing a room would be a huge change to the blonde and they simply agreed on wanting to Lexa to leave this home as quick as possible.  
This was not her home and never would be, so why get comfortable?

"I'm sorry for what I said over dinner," Clarke said apologetically her eyes focused completely on Lexa. It was only then she realized she hadn't properly been able to look at Lexa yet as her eyes were always on the ground with her head bowed down stopping anyone seeing Lexa for what she was.  
  
"It's fine"

"It's not" Clarke confessed dropping her gaze to the ground for a second before looking back at Lexa. "Can we start again?" Clarke questioned "I'm Clarke" Clarke tried while holding her hand out for Lexa to shake it. She held her hand they're patiently waiting as she could see Lexa nervously shift in her spot while fiddling with the hem of her shirt. 

"I'm Lexa" Hesitantly Lexa reached out and shook Clarke's hand before pulling it back and placing it nervously under her thighs. For the first time Lexa looked up, it was brief and quick but Clarke caught it and she smiled at how innocent Lexa looked.  
  
"Your eyes are incredible" Clarke breathed before she had time to catch her words. Emerald green, and what a green they were, they were captivating in a way that had Clarke's whole full attention and before she knew it Clarke found herself taking back her earlier silent confession. She wasn't cute, she was gorgeous. However, the moment was over before it could ever really begin as Lexa snapped her head back down after hearing Clarke's compliment while her cheeks flushed a dark shade of pink. Clarke waited a moment before speaking this time but as she watched Lexa's fingers fiddle once more she found herself smiling.  
  
"You don't take compliments to well do you?" Clarke smiled placing her hands back in her lap. She couldn't deny her compliment was a slip of the tongue but she also couldn't say it wasn't the truth. She watched Lexa shake her head from side to side letting Clarke no that she didn't take compliments well at all. "That's surprising," the blonde said softly shifting more comfortably on her bed but still facing Lexa not ready for their conversation to come to a stop. "I thought someone like you would be use to it"   
  
  
"Why would i be use to it?" Lexa mumbled squeezing down on her sleeve.  
  
"You don't see it?" Clarke furrowed her brows intrigued and confused at the same time. She had heard girls claiming to be fat when they aren't, and ugly when their gorgeous but never had she watched someone be generally confused about what you're talking about when it comes to compliments. Lexa was truly oblivious to how stunning she was. "You're very attractive" Clarke admitted her eyes racking innocently down Lexa's body with a furrow still buried deep as she watched Lexa clear her throat and shift more uncomfortably, her cheeks not giving her a break. The silence fell amongst them Clarke half expecting Lexa to speak but also not surprised when she remains quiet after another compliment.  
  
"umm. so.." Lexa fidgeted itching her palm "You have a boyfriend" she says randomly wanting to change the topic as quickly as possible.  
  
"I do" Clarke smiled "His name's Finn, he goes to our school actually" Clarke admits standing from her bed before searching her draw for her own pajamas. "You start tomorrow right?"  
  
"Yes" Lexa mumbled once more shifting in her own bed beneath the quilt cover.  
  
"You might meet him," Clarke says stripping out of her clothes without a second thought. Lexa's eyes immediately darted elsewhere, not expected Clarke to just causally strip confidently in front of her, but she found her eyes wondering back before darting them away quickly once more. "Anyway, Goodnight Lexa," Clarke says finally switching the light off and jumping into bed.  
  
"Night" Lexa mumbled her eyes more awake than ever.  
  
\---  
  
Clarke woke shifting through the night only allowing her eyes to actually open when she saw a small light beaming through her eyelids as she turned around. When she half opened her eyes not expecting to see anything at all she was surprised to see Lexa with a torch in her mouth shinning the small thing at a book while she scribbled on the page. Her brows furrowed in confusion and just as she was ready to ask what she was doing she stopped herself, noticing how relaxed Lexa actually was. She had known her less than twenty-four hours and this was the most content she had seen her, there was no shifting, no fiddling just pure focus when she thought no one could see her. So instead Clarke laid their silently watching the brunette writing in her book page after page while taking in Lexa's features. Her eyes were reflecting from the small light and only then was it that Clarke noticed Lexa's insanely strong jawline and slender neck. Her eyes traced her features carefully and discreetly until Lexa shook her from her stare and placed her book under her pillow. Clarke instantly closed her eyes not wanting to be caught but found herself thinking how it would feel do draw Lexa's jaw. Once again there was nothing but darkness and the last thing Clarke heard was Lexa letting out a heavy breath.

The second time Clarke was woken that night was rather different to the first. This time Lexa wasn't laying their at peace, she was in fact quite the opposite. Fast asleep while talking in her sleep, she seemed unable to stay still as she shifted in bed like she was having a nightmare. So Clarke did the first thing she could think of at four in the morning.  
  
"Lexa" Clarke said sitting up while rubbing at her eyes. The call did nothing and Lexa still seemed to be stuck in her nightmare so without a second thought Clarke switched on the lamp before placing her bum on Lexa's bed.   
  
"No! No!..i didn't...wasn't....my fault" Lexa started mumbling mixed up words while Clarke noticed the thick layer of sweat on Lexa's forehead. She wasn't really sure what to do due to not being completely sure what was happening.  
  
"Lexa" Clarke said firmly shaking the brunette to wake up, feeling slightly panicked at the new experience. Only when Lexa jolted upright in bed wide eyes with heavy breathing almost knocking Clarke out did Clarke's eyes widen in worry. She must have had some nightmare. Clarke placed her hands calmly on Lexa's forearms more concerned than before. "Are you ok?" Clarke questioned her eyes scanning green eyes and sweaty cheeks. "I think you were having a nightmare," Clarke said hesitantly not sure if that's what you could call it. For a moment if you could even call it that green wide eyes connected with blue concerned ones and for a moment Clarke thought she was going to speak, but her mouth only opened to close once more.  
  
"Go back to sleep" Lexa said quietly clutching the quilt against her chest before dropping her gaze completely. She didn't see the frown on Clarke's face appear and she was too embarrassed to care.  
  
"I was only making sure you were ok" Clarke bit standing from the bed and marching back to her own. The mood changed swiftly and Clarke wished she never moved at all.

The room feels silent once more as both girls turned their backs to one another but Clarke found it impossible to close her eyes as she stared at the wall confused about what just happened. She had had nightmares before, of course, she had who hasn't? but she could never remember having one quite like she just witnessed.   
  
"I'm sorry Clarke" Lexa mumbled from beneath her quilt.

Clarke chooses to ignore as if she hadn't heard and was already asleep.   
  
\----

The morning soon came and both girls got ready in silence. Clarke chooses to dress in her bedroom naturally whereas Lexa disappears into the bathroom instead. The blonde found it strange getting changed in different room despite having the same bit but said nothing.  
"Clarke," Lexa said nervously after entering their room. "I..um" she cleared her throat once more bowing her head before raising it again. "I'm sorry for last night" Lexa apologised nervously playing with her shirt. She had been embarrassed after waking in such a state along with still feeling the effects of the nightmare, they were never easy to shift and she really never meant to take it out on Clarke, never mind her ever witness the state she had become.  
  
"Forget it" Clarke mumbled like she never cared about it anyway. She grabbed her bag threw it over her shoulder and muttered "See you at school" Then the blonde was gone and like every other time Lexa felt uncomfortable she remained fiddling with her top even more so than before. Just when Clarke was beginning to ease up, Lexa went and ruined it.  
  
Not much longer left here anyway Lexa thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo i had a amazing reaction from first chapter, so thankyou everyone for all your awsome comments! Hope you enjoy this to!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa had a rough first day :(

**Lost And Insecure!**

 

   
  
Lexa walked down the crowded school hall while keeping her head bowed. She hated this part, the part when everyone would stare and point while nudging their friends, the part where they would start whispering cruel comments like they couldn't be heard. If there was one thing Lexa had learned over the years after being moved from school to school it was that people could be horrible for no reason at all. After the third school, she gave up trying to make friends and kept to herself choosing to eat lunch alone far away from everyone else where no one could push her, tease her or simply just laugh. Her iPod played a huge roll, blocking out as many damaging words it possibly could, that's why it already sat safely in her back pocket ready to be used.  
  
Stares were followed by points which were followed by an echoing wolf whistle to a burst of laughter.  

Lexa just shamelessly ducked her head moving as quickly as she could to her first lesson while fiddling anxiously with her sleeve. The worst part was everything about this day so far felt normal, nothing unexpected happened. She wondered if the bullies would think what they did to be little someone was original because each school seemed to have the same pattern. The relief flooded threw Lexa the moment she walked threw her first Class, English. She introduced herself to the teacher who looked at her curiously before quickly disappearing to the back to sit down. The classrooms are a safe place was all Lexa could think, this being another thing she had learnt over the years, bullies were always tamed when teachers were around. As Lexa slipped her glasses on her face she ignored the curious wondering eyes that filled the classroom and kept her head down until Mr Jaha cleared his throat.  
  
"Morning Class" he beamed clamping his hands together. "We have a new student with us this morning. Would you mind introducing yourself?" he asked warmly turning to Lexa in the back. By the time all eyes were on her Lexa's cheeks were already bright red and her sleeve became the most interesting thing in the world as she twiddled and twirled the thread between her fingers as she stood using every curse word in her head. Her palms were sweaty and her mouth became a desert with all the unwanted eyes just watched her.

"Hi. I.. I'm Lexa" She muttered rubbing the back her neck roughly while dropping her gaze to the ground. She felt like she was on fire with nerves wishing she could just sit down and bury a hole and never resurface again. She didn't want introductions or unnecessary attention, all she wanted was to get through the year in the shadows of the halls allowing everyone to pass her like she was never there, to begin with. Instead, no hole appeared and all eyes still remained on her as Mr. Jaha still stood silently waiting for more. Be time he realized that however, Lexa could already hear the quiet muttering of students, the sniggers, and funny looks diverted her way.  
  
"Nice to meet you, Lexa. You may take your seat" he smiled. Lexa's bum hit the seat before he could even finish and suddenly she wished nothing more for the lesson to be over as she took a risky glance around the classroom. "I trust you to all help Lexa and get her use to her new surroundings" he announced with a warning. "Right let's get on shall we. Pull out your book to page 37" As Lexa reached into her bag to retrieve her new books she felt a paper ball hit the side of her face while a laughter came from her right.

  
  
"Freak" a boy she hadn't seen before snarled when she looked his way. He laughed high fiving his friend from behind him as he achieves his goal before diverting his attention back to Lexa once more. Lexa's eyes shifted uncomfortably as his eyes looked down at her like she was less than him. She shifted her gaze as quickly as she could and did everything she could to ignore the continuous sniggers. She daren't look up again and sadly wished her favorite lesson done with before it could really ever begin with, yet sadly like every other time she hadn't even done anything to become a target but he theory only proved right as kids certainly never really needed a real reason to be cruel. It was just purely for their sick entertainment.

So why did it never stop hurting any less?

\--

 

When the bell rang Lexa had never felt so relieved. It was lunchtime, and lunchtime meant she could wander off and hide on the field, place her headphones in and block everything out while drifting away. So she did just that, she had rushed out of class so quickly she failed to hear Mr. Jaha asking to speak with her and forgotten her bag in the process. She wondered the field walking further and further out until she found a tree all alone and relaxed against it, only then did her eyes scan the rest of the field and listened to the silence slowly disappear until there wasn't much green left. That was when she saw Clarke for the first time. She stood on the opposite side of the field from her under a  tree with a picnic bench tucked snuggly underneath the tall branches. She couldn't help but watch how Clarke socialized, how her circle of friends seemed to get bigger as the seconds ticked, only when the familiar face from English joins her does Lexa quickly look away.  
  
"Hello" a soft confident voice spoke while waving in front of Lexa's face to catch her attention. Lexa quickly pulled her headphones from her ears feeling instantly confused and anxious by simply having this stranger near her. "You forgot your bag" she smiled innocently placing it next to Lexa.  
  
"Oh. Thank you" Lexa said sincerely yet still confused at why she was bringing it to her.  
  
"Can i sit?" She questioned already placing her bag opposite the shifty brunette and sitting down before permission was granted.  
  
"Um. Ok" Lexa said nervously pulling the other headphone from her ear not wanting to be rude. She wasn't sure what she should do, people normally just left her alone on their breaks to bothered about their own life's to care to hassle Lexa's, so this was kind of weird especially as the girl sat comfortably leaning back on her hands as they buried themselves in the grass. She didn't look like she was going anywhere anytime soon. Unless this was her spot?  
  
"Do you...Do you want me to move?" Lexa questioned already grabbing her things like she didn't need confirmation.  
  
"Why would I want you to move?" The girl questions curiously yet equally as confused as Lexa. She didn't really no how to answer that so instead she shrugged which still brought her back to why was she still sitting here then but Lexa being Lexa remained quiet letting the silence fall around them while shifting uncomfortably and playing with the wire of her iPod.  
  
"I'm Costia" The other girl finally speaks holding her hand out.   
  
"Lexa" she says shifting in her spot.  
  
"Don't worry about Murphy" Costia smiled protecting herself from the winter's air as she wraps her arms around herself.  
  
"Murphy?" Lexa questioned confused finally looking up and taking the girl in, in front of her. Her eyes green like Lexa's, light brown hair that hung perfectly around her face with gentle curls, she looked like a real girlies girl but effortlessly beautiful.   
  
"He was the one that threw paper at you," she said sympathetically "He's a jerk. Don't listen to him, he can't exactly talk. Not like you would want him to actually his breath is like dogs arse" she says disgustedly but somehow Costia managed to draw a smile from Lexa's lips. "You look better when your eyes aren't on the ground," Costia said softly her eyes trailing Lexa carefully for the first time. Of course, that only made Lexa's nerves return increased and her eyes immediately turned to where Costia had just said. Compliments were certainly not her thing.  
  
"Thanks" Lexa muttered her fingers twitching against her jeans.  
  
"You're welcome Lexa" Costia said softly "God it's cold today" she continued to speak freely and Lexa could only listen secretly enjoying the presence of someone else acknowledging her existence which made her feel a strange kind of warmth.  
  
//

 

From the distance Clarke watched Lexa leaning against the tree as another girl approached and sat opposite the brunette. She watched as they talked for a while oblivious to whatever her group of friends was talking about. She hadn't spoken to Lexa at school yet, she had passed her in the hall once or twice but decided just to carry on with her friends instead not wanting to be caught up talking with the new girl who barely looks up anyway, it's not like Lexa noticed.  
"Have you met the new girl?" Bellamy asks snapping her from her obvious line of sight as Bellamy turns to Lexa. "Pretty hot right?" he grins "Weird but hot"   
  
"I have" Clarke admits turning to Lexa once more. "She's actually the girl my mum and dad fostered"  
  
"No way!" Ravens gasps her attention caught while looking to the odd shifty girl across the field "She? I mean Lexa is living with you?" she questioned shocked. "I didn't think your parents would go through with it" she smirks " I mean who would after having you for seventeen years" she laughs rather proud of herself.  
  
"Shut up" Clarke laughs hitting her friend playfully.  
  
"Yo, on a serious note she is kind of weird though"   
  
"Why?" She questioned wanting to know how they have come up with there opinion so quickly   
  
"She doesn't talk"  
  
"Or look up" Bellamy interrupted   
  
"Yeah or that.. she just constantly playing with things in her hands"  
  
"She's probably nervous" Clarke defends "It is her first day, and she doesn't know anyone" She returns her gaze back to Lexa who had began standing up with the other girl. She couldn't make out the other girl as her back was to her but that didn't stop her squinting in the process.  
  
"Well look's like she has found her first friend" Raven grinned   
  
"Who is it? "Clarke questioned unable to remove her gaze as Lexa laughed.  
  
"Costia!" Raven laughed "She's in for a real treat" Raven tried to suppress her giggle  
  
"What does that mean?" Clarke questioned confused. She knew Costia, everyone did. She was the popular girl who threw only the best parties and never needed a group of friends surrounding her as whoever she approached wanted a piece of her anyway. She was the girl whose parents gave her money instead of love to shut her up and they went of and did as they pleased. She was confident loud, and bratty when she didn't get her own way. So why was she talking with Lexa? Clarke questioned frowning even more but as she watched the two girls interact there was just something she didn't like, and she didn't know what.

///  
  
The day continued to go at snail speed as it always did, and Lexa couldn't help wonder why weekends seem to go so fast as if you never had a day of in the first place, but the second you were back at school it's like someone hit pause on the time, she just wanted to go back to the griffin house hold, get in her bed and hide, she just wanted to write in her diary and doodle about the event's of the day, And when the final bell rang, letting them all know School was now finished the brunette grabbed her bag and made way in to the hall way which quickly filled with all the other student's she kept her gaze down as she headed for the Exit.  
Before she had time to take one more step someone had pushed into her with such force that she collided into the locker smacking her face, dropping her books to the floor as the locker made a slamming noise.   
  
Everyone in the hallway watched on as the girl Lexa clutched her nose with her hands, already feel the blood trickle down, but as Lexa looked up she swallowed thickly as everyone's eyes were on her while the same boy from earlier started laughing and high fiving another lad as they walked away.   
  
  
"You fucking arse hole" Came a harsh tone pushing into Murphy's chest "Think your some big man do you!" she snapped in his face once more before quickly hurrying to Lexa's side, and helping her up.   
  
"Are you OK?" She questioned Looking concerned Lexa didn't reply she only nodded that she was fine, but with the blood seeping through her fingers she clearly wasn't. "Come on, lets get you cleaned up" Costia smiled pulling the girl in to the bathroom.   
  
//  
  
"Thank you" Lexa barely whispered as the girl handed her some tissue paper "You don't have to.."   
  
"I want to" Costia interrupted looking at the girl's red nose "On the plus side, it's not broken" She smiled leaning on the sink behind her, making Lexa smile to.  
  
"I'll give you a ride home if you like?" she questioned  
  
"No.. it ok.. you don't have.."   
  
"I want to" she smiled interrupting Lexa once more "Come on you" she grinned.  
  
\--  
  
Lexa was becoming more surprised by the day, not by how the events of the school day went no, not that at all. This was normal she went to school, people targeted her because she looked funny, because she smells, or because she had the wrong jumper on, anything really. She knew it was just any reason people could grasp people would pick at even if it wasn't true, it wasn't those events that had surprised her. It was Costia, a girl had acknowledged her, she had helped her, and now she was making sure she got home safe too, she was even surprised at the nice car she got in a new white mini range rover. She couldn't help but wonder if she had made a friend, or if Costia was just being human.   
  
_"_ So will you come?" Costia questioned for the third time during the short journey "It's this weekend"  Lexa didn't want to be rude, she didn't want to turn down the only person that had the decency to talk to her, the only person who had the decency to help her instead of laugh.   
  
"I don't.. I don't do people" Lexa admitted and she didn't, she hated group's she hated crowd's she didn't do people and people didn't like her either so it was just best for all of them for her to stay home.   
  
"Well I want you there" Costia smiled genuinely "I would love it if you came... think about it" She smiled waving goodbye.   
  
_///_  
  
  
Clarke slammed the door shut behind her leaning back on the front door as she let out a loud huff, detention sucked. She had only been late by ten minutes this morning yet she had to stay an hour after school, how was that fair? Besides, it was Finn's fault he wanted to make out, he wanted just 2 more minutes.  
She made her way upstairs to the bedroom already pulling at her jumper upon entering the room, only stopping when she realized Lexa was placed on the bed, Her eye's slightly bruised and watered.   
  
"What happened to you?" She questioned quickly making her way to Lexa's side placing her palm on her cheek as she studied her nose Lexa stiffened slightly at the contact not use to it at all, she tried to bow her head but the blonde refused her to do so as she studied the black eye's now beginning to appear  
  
"It's nothing" The brunette muttered, "I'm fine" she snapped her head away once more fiddling with the hem of her top and this time Clarke stepped back a little understanding the brunette was already edgy she didn't want to freak her out more.   
  
"What happened?" Clarke asked with concern in her tone. The brunette remained silence for a moment thinking of what to say.   
_Your friend pushed someone into me? Murphy's been hassling me all day? Your friends a bully. S_ he thought but non of those left her mouth instead the scared insecure girl spoke.   
  
"I fell into a locker" She half lied The blonde studied the brunette in front of her, she knew falling into a locker by accident wouldn't cause that kind of bruising.  
  
"Lexa" Clarke said softly touching the young girl's leg only for Lexa to instantly move her leg's underneath her, she didn't like people touching her.  
  
"sorry" Lexa mutter's pulling her sleeve's over her nervous hands " I Don't like being touched" she admit's keeping her head bowed   
  
"Ok" Clarke smiled softly "No touching" she held her hands up innocently "I know you're lying, What happened to your face?" She questioned waiting for the worst, waiting on hearing she had got in a fight, waiting on hearing someone had just punched her and walked away.  
  
"I hit my face in the locker" She clamps her eyes in frustration "I mean I hit my face on the lockers" She admits 's  
  
"How?" Clarke questioned smiling at how nervous the girl is.  
  
"your...Um.. your friend" She stutter's  causing Clarke to furrow her brow's in confusion she inhaled a deep breath and released it slowly gritting her teeth  
  
"Which friend?"   
  
"Murphy" She barely whispered while itching the back of her hand nervously.   
  
//  
  
Clarke was Livid. She was Angry. It was her first day for fuck sake, her first day and that moron had to bully, he had to belittle someone, Clarke was more than angry.   
She was furious.  
One thing Clarke wasn't was a bully, she hated it with a passion no matter what group you stand with, or how rich or poor you are you have no right to bully another human being. She was ready to let rip on Murphy, she was ready to rip his head off his neck.   
_asshole._    
   
"Clarke, what happened to Lexa's face?" Jake questioned entering the kitchen with his dirty dish, he was unable to get a proper answer out of Lexa, well a reasonable one, one Clarke knew Abby would not accept especially as she was a doctor.   
  
"I'm handling it" Clarke gulped washing her dish   
  
"Handling what exactly?" Jake questioned, "Wasn't you with her today at school?" Jake questioned confused why his daughter wouldn't make sure Lexa's first day went smoothly.  
  
"I said I'm handling it, it just some moron at school, ill sort it!" Clarke spoke more firmly "I didn't see her at school, we have different classes" She half lied feeling a little guilty for letting her get on with school life alone.    
  
"Clarke." Jake snapped firmly but quiet enough for no one else to hear "What is wrong with you?!" He snapped "I expected better than this from you, you knew she knew no one, and you just let her be?" he questioned not really needing an answer he just looked at his daughter with disappointment shaking his head before walking away, he knew his daughter to be soft, loving and caring, she wasn't selfish...in fact he was proud of how unselfish his daughter was he couldn't understand why she was being so Cold toward's Lexa.  


 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a little cuteness!!

**Lost And Insecure!**

 

Clarke griffin was never one to struggle with sleep, infact it was the complete opposite. Staying awake would always feel more of a challenge for the blonde, her head would hit the pillow and her eye lids would flutter close as if on auto drive, not that she complained she wasn't one to sit up watching movies, she barely watched movies at all. Her life consist of school, hanging out with her friends, drinking and partying weekends unbeknown to her parent's and studding when needed.   
Yet here she lay, wide awake listening to the thunderstorm from her bed, the sound of the branches tapping on her window with the howling wind.   
The room was in complete darkness with only the moonlight seeping through the barely closed curtains directly on Lexa.  
The Girl she had been staring at for the last thirty minutes.  
  
"What am i doing" The blonde muttered covering her face with her hands turning to face the ceiling. "what am i doing" She repeated again barely a whisper not wanting to wake the sleeping brunette, yet the moment the blonde removed her hand's within a few seconds her gaze returned to Lexa sleeping.  _Even in her sleep she is shifty'  
_ Clarke's eyes traced down Lexa's features already seeing the black eye's appear, the end of her nose red and sore from force of the locker, but the blonde's eyes kept tracing the girls features, catching her lips _._ Curved, plump and moist' Clarke thought biting on her own lip blind to her own action's as she imagined how delicate they would be to touch.  
  
"What am i doing!" Clarke mouthed once more, this time completely turning her back on Lexa, Clarke still couldn't help but wonder about the mystery brunette who now shares a room with her, she wondered on what life was like before she found herself at the griffin house hold, she wondered why she was always so nervous and jittery she also wondered why the girl fiddled with her tops so much. She was a mystery, a puzzle that Clarke was intrigued by.   
  
"No... Stop!" Clarke quickly sat up at the unexpected shriek.   
  
"Lexa" Clarke whispered already climbing out of bed, but pausing as she remembered last night and Lexa's reaction. Maybe she shouldn't, maybe she shoud just get back in bed and ignore the sweaty state Lexa was becoming as she gripped the pillow from beneath her head. Clarke couldn't just lay back down, no matter how much her head screamed 'retreat'  
  
The second she placed herself on Lexa's bed she wasn't sure what to do, she just gazed at the beautiful brunette for a moment her light layer of sweat becoming more visible, her breathing more rapid than a few minutes ago with her hand gripped tightly to her pillow showing a clear display of her white knuckles. Clarke's hand moved willingly across the pillow stroking at the brunettes now balled up fist trying to sooth her with out waking her.   
  
"It's ok" Clarke whispered before she had time to even stop herself, she wasn't sure where it was coming from, and she didn't question it Lexa was in distress she just wanted to help, she wanted to calm or sooth her, it's completely normal. She thought maybe she felt like she wanted to help her because her mother was a doctor and that's what she was brought up to do, help someone when in need.   
Her thumb kept swiping back and forth against the smooth soft skin of Lexa's hand, and as the second's passed she watched Lexa's face feature's relax, her breathing steady while loosening her grip on her pillow, but Clarke didn't stop, she carried on swiping her thumb back and forth.   
  
//

 

"Clarke" 

The blondes eye lids flickered open unwillingly before the heaviness dragged them back down again, already falling back in to the land of sleep, her body was to heavy to move, and her eyelids to strong to bother fighting.  
  
"Clarke" Lexa say softly once more not daring to touch the blonde she settled for leaning over the blonde making sure she could hear her. Clarke flickered her eye's open once more already feeling the heavy ache on her eye lids, they just needed to sleep, she just needed to sleep.   
  
"Go away" Clarke mumbled burying her face under her pillow "It's to early" She groaned once more letting her eyes close again, nuzzling in comfortably the room filled with silence for a moment as Clarke was about to drift of when her eye's snapped open and she realised the voice was Lexa's.  
She shot her head up from beneath the pillow eyes focusing on a already dressed Lexa.   
  
"Hi" Clarke smiled innocently wondering what lexa wanted.   
  
"Hi" Lexa smiled nervously quickly standing straight before dropping her head nervously "Um it's 8 o clock" She mumbled The blonde looked at her confused for a moment, before it clicked   
  
"Shit!" Clarke snapped Shooting out of bed to get dressed "Why didn't my alarm go of?" she half questioned   
  
"It did" Lexa said shyly   
  
"It did?"Clarke questioned her back to the brunette as she quickly shoved any old clothes on not really having time to mix and match.   
  
Lexa only bowed her head more as the blonde got changed in the room, not Letting Lexa's presence bother Clarke once.   
  
"Um.. yh..you turned it of" Lexa admitted remembering the alarm waking both the girls only to earn a grunt from Clarkes mouth with a raise of the hand she swiped the alarm clock clear from her bedside cabinet knocking it on the flood before Clarke buried herself once more. "I think you broke it" Lexa smiled.   
  
Her smile didn't go unnoticed. Clarke followed Lexa's eye line seeing the alarm clock smashed on the floor she could only smile herself.  
  
"Well that's a first" Clarke smiled at the brunette sitting on her bed all dressed and ready "i swear i don't remember doing that at all" Clarke laughed truthfully.  
  
The silence once again fell between both girl's, but Clarke could only explain it as more comfortable than it had felt before, she had lexa talking to her, smiling to and that in itself was improvement   
  
"How did you sleep?" Clarke questioned already knowing exactly how Lexa slept, it was the big reason the girl was so exhausted this morning  
  
"Good" Lexa smiled honestly.   
  
"Good" Clarke smiled knowing that was only half the truth, as she sat up for a good hour making sure Lexa was ok, it was just her caring side coming out, her doctor urges as she liked to call it, after all that is what she wants to achieve in life.  
  
"I should.." Lexa spoke nervously standing up heading towards the door   
  
"I can give you a ride? i mean if you want a ride" Clarke offered, Not sure if she should have or not.  
  
"I have a ride actually" Lexa smiled thankful of the offer   
  
"You do?" Clarke asked confused knowing Lexa don't own a car.   
  
"yh.. Um..Costia" Lexa spoke knowing Clarke knew the girl "She offered" She finally admitted.  
  
"Oh Cool" Clarke smiled watching the girl disappear.  
  
The second Lexa disappeared Clarke could Only describe her smile as fake, and she didn't know why.   
  
//  
  


You know when you just wake up in the morning and you feel like you have never slept better, like every muscle in your body is at it's most relaxed and you just feel the most freshest you have ever felt, a little like when you have been running for miles and miles and your covered in horrible sweat then you step in a nice hot shower and just feel free after, that's how Lexa felt, from the second her eye lids fluttered open, she stretched every muscle at ease in her bed with out feeling stiff and rigid from the lack of sleep.

  
"You look different today" Costia beamed grabbing her bag from the car before making her way to Lexa's side, the other brunette already seemed at ease With the lack of talking on Lexa's behalf and it didn't seem to faze her, instead she continued to speak when Lexa didn't.  
"You look more shiny or something" Costia grinned eyeing up the girl releasing a small giggle when Lexa dropped her gaze to the ground a little.

  
"Nervous? "Costia questioned on entering the school door's, not that lexa was going to answer the other brunette had already noticed Lexa's fiddling habit to keep her hand's busy when she was nervous, scared or anxious. Lexa was fiddling rapidly with a tight grip to.

Costia lowered her hand to Lexa's tangling there fingers in to one Lexa's head immediately snapped up her body as still as a board as she tried to remove her hand, body contact was not something she did, it's to close and to personal, Costia gripped tighter keeping her hand still.

  
"Relax" Costia said softly stepping a little closer "I'm not going to hurt you" she smiled honestly "Your fiddling with your top aggressively, You're nervous" Lexa's body relaxed slightly but not completely every inch of her still wanted to pull her hand back clench it tightly so it couldn't be held again, her hand felt like it was on fire with a pulse with every step they took deeper in to the school.

  
"Oi Lexa" Some voice spoke firmly making Lexa look up in confusion at someone knowing her name, no one ever cared for the new girl, she was lucky if anyone could remember it on the second day. When her eye's met the wide smirk On Murphy's face who quickly stood in her path, the hallway fell instantly quieter as everyone ear's tuned in.

"Shrek called" He smirked eyeing the brunette up and down with a smug grin "He want's his face back!" He roared in to laugher, her head bowing in embarrassment once more wishing she could just disappear for the third time in two day's, and just as she was about to make her escape down the hall, Costia's hand squeezed tightly.

  
"mur..." Costia shut up as she was quickly interrupted.

  
"Then you better give it back to him Murphy" Lexa's eye's opened at the familiar voice, she knew that voice. Her eye's lifted and green fell on blue.  
Clarke smiled, only a second at the fragile brunette, before turning her gaze completely on Murphy, while stepped closer making her way behind Murphy as she put her arm around his shoulder. Murphy's shoulder's instantly relaxed once more as he smirked at Lexa.

  
"I just asked for it back" He laughed thinking Clarke was here to laugh along.

"Awhh" Clarke pulled at his cheek's mockingly like a baby "Have you looked in the mirror recently? "She questioned more seriously only making him frown pulling his jacket down in position better. "You see Murphy" Clarke's tone never faltered it was soft but mocking as she ushered the boy to look at lexa along with herself "Lexa's face here" she smiled looking at the brunette noticing her gaze was no longer on the floor "Is so much better than yours" She laughed as she wacked his back with the back of her hand.  
The silence was replaced by small giggle's and snigger's once more and Murphy gritted his teeth and fist in anger.

  
"What's your problem" He said more quietly so the rest of the school couldn't hear through gritted teeth as he turned to the blonde.

"You" she said so simply crossing her arm's over her own chest

"Do you have fun making someone feel small?" She questioned "I can play you at your own game if you like?" She questioned seriously. "You're a bully" Clarke spat between gritted teeth

  
"Clark..." Murphy tried to reason, he looked confused and Lexa couldn't help but wonder why

  
"Don't Clarke me" the girl gritted her teeth "You Leave Lexa alone, infact don't even look at her" she stepped closer in to his person space. "You got that?" she questioned. "Or do you need help with that to?" She mocked his intelligence, pushing his limits and every button she could. Clarke couldn't deny she wanted to, she wanted to be little him like he had lexa, and not only was she livid that he didn't learn his lesson by pushing the small brunette in to a locker, he had the cheek to carry on the next day.  
Murphy stepped forward with hard features, and through teeth gritted.

  
"Listen" he snarled behind gritted teeth

"is everything OK here?" Another boy stepped in interrupting, glaring at Murphy as if warning him to back of

  
"Everything's fine" Murphy finally spoke before turning away in a huff and walking down the hallway.

  
"What was that?" Fin questioned confused at the scene that just unfolded.

  
"He's just being a dick" Clarke spat "Fin..This is Lexa" She introduced the tall innocent looking lad

  
"Ah.. the foster kid" He said innocently but Lexa couldn't help but wonder what he already knew of her "Nice to meet you lexa" He smiled Lexa remained quiet with only a nod of the head. This hole thing felt awkward.  
Costia next to her holding her hand squeezing it in reassurance, Clarke coming to defend her while introducing her to her boyfriend, along with the small stares they were getting and sniggers as they interacted. The blonde looked at the anxious nervous brunette in front of her, her head bowing her fingers flickering beside her in agitation, She also noticed her other hand entangled with Costia's her eye's couldn't help but stare for a moment. What's she holding hand's for? She quickly removed her gaze but lexa was already looking at her.

  
"Excuse me" Lexa blurted unable to hide how uncomfortable she was right now, releasing Costia's hand instantly and heading to the toilet.

  
"Lexa. Wait" Costia called after her before she could say anything else the brunette disappeared in to the lady's toilets.

  
"I got this" Clarke said softly before Costia could follow lexa, she turned to a concerned looking fin kissed his lip's quickly before whispering "see you at break?" He nodded with a smile before Clarke headed to the toilet's after Lexa.

When the bell rang through the halls signalling everyone to head to their classes Lexa was still in the bathroom struggling to breath as she gripped at her chest in a panic. As her breathing fastened more in to a panic she through cold water across her face in hope it would help, but she only panicked more when it didn't. When she thought things couldn't get any worse her vision become blurry as her throat formed a lump desperately trying to clutch on to anything, but no matter how many times she tried to calm, the panic overtook it causing her eyes to clamp shut.

  
"Hey.. hey.. Lex" As lexa felt someone hands on either side of her face her eyes shot open to see worried blue eyes starring back. Lexa closed her eyes once more unable to focus for to long as her chest got tighter and tighter.

"Look at me Lexa" Clarke demanded her grip never faltering. It took a moment but Lexa obliged "That's it." The blonde smiled "You need to calm down OK" Clarke confirmed  
"Breath in" Clarke ordered doing the action herself "And breath out" She exhaled her own breath as Lexa began to copy, she focused everything on Clarke's breathing and mirrored her actions "Good...Keep doing that" Clarke barely whispered removing her hands from the girls face and dropping them to her forearm rubbing them gently up and down. Lexa felt her chest slowly opening up and more oxygen flowed through her lungs more easily.

  
"Thank you" she whispered after a long moment of silence feeling her bringing good enough to speak.

  
"Are you ok?" Clarke asked concerned and for the first time green eyes met blue and Lexa didn't bow her head, she remained still. Fascinated at how much she could see every emotion across Clarke's face and in the deep blue of her eyes, she was scared, worried and concerned.

  
"Your eye's are beautiful two" Lexa mumbled now watching the blue eye's turn to confusion,

  
"Thanks" Clarke eventually smiled remembering the comment she made to Lexa about her incredible green eyes.

Green eye's still didn't leave blue, they just stood silently looking at one another, and Clarke couldn't help but wonder if this had been the longest Lexa had kept her head up, not that she was complaining, she could see every feature for what they truly were, she could see every aspect of the girl's face change when she moved or smiled, or even frowned, and yet Clarke wanted to know what she was thinking about, but she didn't ask.

  
"Do you want to go home?" Clarke finally offered "I mean i can take you, if your not feeling up to it?" the blonde offers

  
"Ill stay" Lexa replied but both of them feel like there whispering to one another, Clarke's hand's still on Lexa's forearm's making sure she is OK, with green gazing in to blue.

"ok"

"Im going to stand out side" still speaking quietly she Felt Clarke's hand's remove from her body, which was once a warm place, now replaced with cold air. "Get some air."

"Ok" Clarke moved back a little letting the girl be able to move to exit the bathroom "If anyone asks ill tell them your outstanding" Clarke eye's widen at her own stupid witty mouth. Fucking hell! However when Lexa laughed slightly Clarke forgot to care for a second.. She hadn't heard lexa laugh till now, and with that lexa mumbled a thanks before disappearing.

  
"What the fuck was that!!!" The blonde snapped aloud in to the empty girls bathroom looking at herself in the mirror. She felt like those words were on repeat in the last few days.

"get a grip griffin" She muttered splashing water in her own face, the blonde was completely oblivious to what was going on when Lexa was around, she had not a clue why she felt protective of the brunette.

//

 

Lexa watched on as the field began to fill like every break they had, she watched as the nerds huddled in a group together greeting one another as more arrived, they layed there laptop's out or gathered around a phone as if something incredible was happening, then there was the skater kids with their skateboards, they would try and stay of the green wanting to skate along the ground up and down, some would race, some just flipping there skateboard and some engrossed in conversation with a pal. Then there were the boy's who liked to have a game of football, and kick the ball around, this was something that would happen every day, the team's would change of course as some days people would skip a game and return back to there group of friend's, sometimes it got heated and arguments would break out about a rule being broken, and so on. Then there was the popular group. Clarke's group.

They would sit under the tree, placed on a bench they mainly spoke laughed some would smoke. Lexa could only explain them as mix and match, through out the few days lexa had been at the school she had learnt that there group had abit of each group, Jasper was more of skater kid he proved his self worthy of a skateboard as she watched from a far many days ago, raven could have been part of the Nerd crew as in all her classes she was extremely clever especially with science which was one of the hardest classes. Bellamy was more of a football kind of guy, along with Fin, Clarke's boyfriend. Then there was Octavia, she was wise, funny and beautiful the hole school would crush on her in one way or another, much to Bellamy disapproval. Then there was Clarke.

Lexa couldn't explain Clarke, she was Just Clarke.

She admired how many different people could come together, befriend one another and stand by one another, she had met them all a few time's because of the blonde, each of them proved to be nice to the girl, but lexa knew it was only because of Clarke, and that was fine.

  
"Your brains ticking again" Costia announced finally placing a seat next to Lexa. "What we looking at today?" She questioned nicking a headphone from her ear and placing it in her own. "Your taste in music is terrible by the way!" she laughed.

Then there was Costia, the girl who defended her on the first day, the girl who sat with her repeatedly on school break's she didn't ask her to, nor did she complain. Costia accepted Lexa to be quiet, she didn't care she just filled the silence when needed, and lexa liked this. She admired the mousy haired brunette, she was a girl part of every group, every one wanted a part of her as she was the popular girl who had the best parties, daddy's money and a wild mind. She loved fun. Which is why lexa didn't know why the girl had grew so attached to her as she was the opposite. She was boring.

"You don't have to listen" Lexa smirked pulling the earphone from the girl's ear with a smile

  
"Someone's getting confident" Costia grinned loving the way Lexa would speak up sometimes, Costia never expected word's back but when she did her smile could only grow, she had a soft spot for the brunette, one she wouldn't admit to the timid girl.

  
"So are you coming tonight?" She questioned for the millionth time "I really want you to come" She pouted

  
"I don't do parties" Lexa repeated nervously which felt like the millionth time too.

  
"Please" Costia pleaded she could sense the tension build in Lexa's body every time she mentioned it, but she wanted her there she wanted to show her she can party and have fun, and dance. Maybe dance with her.

  
"Ok.." Lexa muttered nervously wishing she could take her word's back instantly

  
"Yes!" Costia cheered "I can pick you up"

  
"Ok" Lexa mumbled redirecting her gaze back over to Clarke... something she did more often than she would admit. But she was just Clarke.

She was the girl she shared a room with at home, the girl who stopped Murphy in his nasty tracks, she was the girl who calmed her in a mid panic attack. She was the girl who's eyes were blue, the eye's she could read.  
But still, Lexa refused to unpack her stuff back at home, she knew she wouldn't be here long, even if she was sleeping better in the few day's she had been here.  
All this would be gone soon, and she would repeat the same action she could only be grateful this was her last year of school, and college would be next.

  
"Hi" Clarke say's softly approaching the two sitting girl's, Lexa was so lost in her own thought's she didn't even know Clarke had walked over.

  
"Clarke!" Costia announced happily "You are coming tonight right?"

  
"Of course" The blonde smiled and lexa could only watch the action.

"Great...FINNNYYY BOOOYY!" Costia shouted over to the scrag-ally headed boy, he jogged over to Clarke's side all sweaty and panting from the game of football he was mid playing

"Yes my lady?" He teased with a grin

  
"i don't want to be catching you too in my bed this time!!" Costia snapped jokingly "Out of bounds got it!"

  
"Got it" Clarke said bowing her head, a little embarrassed Before looking up once more watching Lexa shift uncomfortably.

  
"Are you coming?" Clarke questioned her tone always softened with Lexa, as if she never wanted her word's to cut through the girl. Lexa only nodded once not looking up from the ground as she pulled at the grass between her fingers. She's nervous Clarke thought.

  
"i Have nothing to wear" Lexa mumbled barely audible at all

  
"ill pick you up early!" Costia announced "You can get ready with me, i have load's" Costia placed a hand over Lexa's giving it a reassuring smile before whispering "I have no doubt you will look great"

Clarke's eyes flickered between the girl's interaction, and couldn't help but wonder if something was going on between them, her eye's dropped to there entangled finger's, the blonde crossed her arm's across her chest as if protecting herself before swallowing hard. Her body felt Hot, and she didn't know why.

"You ok?" Fin questioned bumping his hip on the blonde

"Fine" She smiled, wondering what fin noticed for him to ask such a random question. She was fine. Wasn't she? 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Italic is Clarkes thoughts! :)

**Lost And Insecure**

 

_I'll cry your tears for you,  
_

_I'll do anything to make you comfortable_

_even if i fall down when im your not around_ _don't worry about me,_

 _don't_ _worry about me._

 

Clarke could hear the small echo of music leaving her bedroom as she paced down the landing already knowing lexa was inside. Her hand wrapped firmly around the door handle only stopping when she Hear's a small voice singing to the music. Lexa's voice. The blonde's eye's flicker close with a small smile on her face her forehead rest on the door waiting on the girl to continue in song with her angelic voice.  
  
"if i fall you fall, if i rise, we rise together..when i smile, you smile don't worry about me, don't worry about me" Lexa sang unaware of the bedroom door opening. Clarke leaned against the door frame looking upon the singing girl unaware of her presence she looked relaxed and calm, something that was hard to catch on lexa, she was always jittery, jumpy nervous and shy but some how seeing Lexa completely relaxed oblivious to anything else had Clarke biting her lip unknowingly.   
  
"Ill feel the fear for you, ill cry your tears for you" Lexa continued while Clarke's eye's drifted to Lexa's Moving Lip's, the lip's that held a incredible voice buried.   
  
"Your voice is incredible" Clarke breathed after watching the girl a few moment's longer.   
  
Lexa's head snapped up so quick Clarke was sure she would have whiplash, what was a very relaxed content lexa wasn't any more she was embarrassed and nervous, quickly shutting and stopping the song playing through her laptop.   
  
"Sorry.." Lexa muttered bowing her head her face burning with heat as her cheek's turn a bright shade of red. "I didn't.. i didn't no anyone was home" She admitted as Clarke's smile remained firmly in place, taking a seat on Lexa's bed, Clarke didn't think twice before she reached out for the brunette's hand and entangled them with her own as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Only it wasn't, they have never held one another's hand and Clarke cant seem to understand why all of a sudden she had done it, but she left it there as the brunette didn't pull it back. It felt natural, it felt right and Clarke didn't know why.   
Maybe it was because every night for the past 4 Day's she would sooth the stirring brunette, relaxing her out of her nightmare as her thumb would glide across her hand that had become a regular thing for the blonde unbeknown to Lexa. Maybe that's why it felt right. _Maybe_.  
  
"Dont apologise" Clarke stated softly "I didn't know you could sing" she confirmed never once hearing the brunette so much as hum to a song since moving in.   
  
"I cant" Lexa said shyly dropping her head but still she kept her hand still, allowing the blonde's thumb to move back and forth, she hated body contact, but she couldn't bring herself to pull it away.   
  
"I must be deaf then" Clarke teased cocking her head slightly innocently,   
  
What could have looked awkward to many felt extremely comfortable to Clarke, sitting on the foster kid's bed while gripping her hand which was resting against the bed sheet's as her thumb glided back and forth in the silent lingering room.  
At some point, the awkward silence's just stopped being awkward, maybe it was when Clarke Let rip on Murphy, either way she was grateful of it.   
  
"Are you nervous for tonight?" Clarke questioned remembering the girl earlier on at school looking uncomfortable at the mention.  
  
"Yes" Lexa spoke softly bowing her head to watch the soft skin of Clarke's thumb sooth the back of her hand.   
  
"Ill be there" Clarke offered "Come find me" She breathed aware that it almost sounded like a plea, she did infact want to see Lexa tonight, The blonde admittedly felt excited for the night ahead of them knowing the lexa would be there she had put it down to wanting lexa to have fun, she was just excited for the brunette not herself.  _That's a lie.  
_  
"Wont you be busy" Lexa questioned feeling Clarke's hand beginning to sweat. Her gaze caught Clarke's who was looking at her timidly.  _cute  
  
_ "I want you too" Clarke admitted truthfully Starring back at the brunette eye's wondering over the brunette's features again. There was something about Lexa, something where she could lose herself and Clarke welcomed it, unaware of such a feeling before, she wanted to discover it more.   
  
"Ok" Lexa whispered squeezing Clarke's hand, letting the room fall silent again both girl's not wanting to move, not wanting to look away, both just enchanted with the other and unaware of the bubble building inside each other.   
  
"Ok" Clarke whispered back with no expression on her face the smile had disappeared as she just gaze at the girl in front of her.   
  
"Hi girl's!!" Abby announced at the door Making Clarke quickly snap her hand back in to her lap, she was sure she caught pain In Lexa's eye's right before she bowed her head, and Clarke instantly felt guilty for moving so quickly.   
  
"Hi mum" Clarke turned smiling at her mum "Your home early" She noticed standing from Lexa's bed.   
  
"im on call..but at least i could come home for abit" She grinned "Um Lexa, me and jake was hoping to speak with you for a moment if that's ok?" She questioned looking to the silent girl sitting on her bed.   
  
"Um yh. Ok" she mumbled raising her head looking to abby then to Clarke.  _Already?_ Lexa thought feeling the all to familiar feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach, which quickly replaced the buzzing felling Clarke had unknowingly left.   
  
"Good, will be in the front room" She smiled leaving the girl's to it. Lexa tried to hide the disappointment in her eye's but it was to evident not to see, this had happened far to often, The Griffin's were already going to send her back for being a freak.   
  
"Relax" Clarke soothed reaching for Lexa's hand as she did only a few moment's ago, as much as lexa wanted to pull away once more, she couldn't she let her take her hand in her own. "Why are you nervous?" Clarke questioned "She just want's to talk" She tried calming the girl once more, opening Lexa's palm between them as she swirled circles with her finger tip's, Waiting on lexa to speak.   
  
"There sending me back" Lexa admitted as if she knew already, Clarke didnt smile, she felt for the girl, she felt for her sad eyes and sad lips  
  
"They’re not sending you back" Clarke promised "You should get to know my mum" Clarke grinned "You have more in common than you think"   
  
//  
  
Lexa was never disappointed when she got sent back in to the system with the rest of the kid's that didn't have a foster home, she was hurt admittedly that once again she wasn't wanted, she was hurt that they never took the time to get to know her to finally be able to relax and feel comfortable, comfortable enough to feel like it was home.   
But it had only been a week, since she came in to the griffin house hold, this will be the shortest foster home she ever had.  
  
"Hi" Abby smiled at the brunette entered the living room "Come sit down" she patted the couch beside her as Jake smiled at her from his own person chair.  
  
"Hi" Lexa smiled nervously placing herself next to abby "Did i do something wrong?"She questioned looking To Mr and Mrs griffin.   
  
"Course you didn't kido" Jake smiled leaning forward in his chair "We just wanted to talk" he announced and something about his tone of voice soothed the brunette.   
  
"we noticed you haven't unpacked your stuff" abby says softly not wanting to scare the already timid girl "We was just wondering what was going on? Is there something bothering you?" She questioned wanting nothing more than Lexa to relax and trust them.  Lexa shrugged her shoulder's.   
  
"Do you not like it here?" Jake questioned  
  
"no.. i do" Lexa admitted fiddaling with her finger's once more "It just.." she stopped not wanting to show her own vulnerability to the griffins, not to anyone.   
  
"You know" Abby decided to open up a little for encouragement "I use to be in the system to" Abby admitted Only making Lexa look up instantly catching her attention completely.   
  
"You did?"   
  
"Yeh..i went home to home until i found the right one" Abby admitted remembering the home she was raised in by such incredibly people, the place she could finally call home. "I understand what it's like, i understand that it's difficult and you feel like you have no one to help you"   
  
"Lexa" Jake spoke softly "Were not going to give up on you" He said sincerely "If your scared, worried even were just going to send you back..don't be"   
  
Lexa felt her belly flutter, a nice flutter it was the first time someone had told her that they wouldn't give up on her, that they were here to stay.   
  
"Is that the reason you haven't unpacked?" Abby questioned already knowing the answer.   
  
"Yeh" Lexa mumbled "I didn't want to unpack, to pack again" She admitted.   
  
"Well...How about you unpack...and then we will throw your cases away?" He questioned "Your stuck here then" He beamed sitting next to her before nudging her with his shoulder, making Lexa smile.  
  
"Lexa" Abby said a little more seriously after seeing the Lexa smile "We choose to do this because we want someone like yourself, to have a better life, to not have to worry so young...im not doing it so you call me mum, or to be your parent, i just want you to have your childhood..Everyone deserves that" She smiled placing her hand around the girl's shoulder kissing her temple.   
  
"If it's ok with you, we would like you to call this your home"   
  
Lexa found herself smiling, she felt her heart clench and for the first time in seventeen years she felt like she had someone, someone who wanted her around, someone who cared what she was doing, she felt the love from a family, a family who was not her's by blood, but a family who was opening there arms and allowing her to join.  
She snaked her arm's around Abby's neck and cuddled the grown woman, she cuddled her tightly like she never cuddled before, and abby just cuddled her right back, both with smile's on their faces.   
  
"Ill take that as a yes" Abby smirked as the girl just nodded against her "Good.. let's get you unpacked" She grinned pulling apart from the hug, eager to get the gir settled in properly, once and for all.   
  
//  
  
  
"Are you going to emerge from the bathroom any time soon?" Costia teased slouching back  against her bed. Costia was all dressed and ready "Im sure you look fine!" she whined desperate to see Lexa in the clothes she brunette tried to protest against. Costia had been picturing Lexa in the tight black leather leggins, and white crop top from the second she entered the bathroom, only now she was growing impatient, she wanted to see the tall brunette's abb's she wanted to see the leather wrapped tightly around her thigh's.   
  
"I look silly" Lexa mumbled behind the door "Im getting changed"   
  
"Dont you dare!" Costia demanded sitting up immediately "You come out, or im coming in"   
  
"Costia" Lexa pleaded   
  
"In or out?" Costia laughed "Your choice"   
  
"Fine" The brunette huffed unlocking the door bowing her head while wrapping her arm's around her bare stomach, she looked up to costia who didn't say a word "I look ridiculous don't i?" She scoffed getting ready to turn back around and change in to her normal clothes.   
Costia's hand wrapped firmly around Lexa's wrist pulling her back eyeing up the girl once more.   
  
"You look amazing" Costia smiled honestly "sexy" she winked cheekily unable to move her gaze from the brunette's body.   
  
"Thank's" Lexa muttered noticing the girl's eye's wonder making her bow her head, her finger's fiddling with her own finger's as she had no sleeve.  
  
"Come on" Costia whispered "People are arriving, we should go downstairs, after all i am the host!" She stated the obvious  
  
"Can i?" Lexa cleared her throat as her nerves already began to seek through at the thought of going downstairs in to the party even worse now with these clothes she has to wear. "Can i come down in a minute?" she questioned "i need to get use to these clothes" she added   
  
"Of course" Costia smiled kissing Lexa's cheek quickly before eyeing Lexa once more while reversing to her bedroom door "Dont be to long though" She added biting on her bottom lip at how incredible Lexa body's made that outfit look. Lexa smiled back until costia disappeared, when the door clicked close, Lexa let out a loud hard huff she didn't want to go downstairs at all.   
  
//

  
  
Clarke's hips moved side to side slowly, gently but aggressively with every beat that echoed through the house, her hips matched the beat perfectly. Dancing was a passion, she could lose herself, bury herself yet feel herself two it was something about the music and the beat that willingly moved your body, she thought dancing was a way to express your passion. It was sexy. Rough hands grip her hip's from behind pulling her in tightly.  
  
"Trying to get me going already?" Fin questioned always unable to resist Clarke when her body loses itself to the beat "So sexy" He husked kissing the side of her face as Clarke grind her hip's more aggressively, teasing on purpose.  
  
"i need to try now?" Clarke cocked a eyebrow cheekily while turning in her boyfriend's embrace, snaking her arm's around his neck   
  
"Not even a little" He admitted knowing full well he would do anything Clarke asked of him without questioning it once.   
  
"Good" She whispered pecking his lip's continuing to bop her hip's to the beat.   
  
"There you are!!" Raven shouted over the music grabbing at the blonde's arm "knew i would fine you dancing" She laughed "Come on!" she pulled not even allowing Clarke to speak as she pulled her away from dancing bunch.   
  
"Where are you taking me?" Clarke questioned allowing her hand to be dragged   
  
"For a drink of course. Where else?" She questioned.   
  
"Clarkeyy" Octavia screamed  dragging the girl's in to a deathly hug.   
  
"Im in your boobs!" Clarke mumbled pulling her tightly pressed face away from her breast.   
  
"Good place to be" Octavia winked turning around and grabbing three beer's from the fridge  "Drink up bitches!" She cheered handing there beer's over each taking a gulp.   
  
"Urgh.. i hate cheap beer!" Raven whined clenching her eye's closed as she took another gulp.   
  
"It's free. dont complain" Clarke teased. Admittedly the beer was cheap, but not only did Costia supply the place to party, she supplied the booze which everyone loved even more. "Money don't grow on trees you know!"   
  
"No?" Raven raised a brow "Then why do banks have branches?" She questioned with a smug smile, As if she had the bes thing in the world.   
  
"She got you there!" Octavia laughed placing her arm around raven's shoulder.   
  
"Dork" Clarke laughed taking another swig of her cheap beer.   
  
"Ladies" a voice emerged from the entrance of the kitchen, none of the girl's needed to turn around nor wanted to for that matter, raven rolled her eye's as her back was to him.  "Looking foxy tonight" He smirked walking closer as he eye'd Octavia's body up in her tight black dress.  
  
"Hey douche bag!" Raven finally snapped turning to face the boy "did you know Roses are red, violet's are blue, I've got five finger's and the middle one's for you" She laughed placing her middle finger firmly against his face. Both girl's were unable to stifle there own giggle's trust raven to always say something, not that Murphy didn't deserve it she was livid when she heard what he had done to Lexa, she was more anti bullying than them all combined as when she went to another school before the one she is at now she was targeted at the beginning by two girl's.  
  
"Look." He said softly stepping closer to the girl's "Can we move past it, i stopped"   
  
"Sorry we don't speak bullshit" She said firmly pulling at the girl's arm's to get away from the piece of trash he is.  
  
"He annoy's me" Octavia announced as all girl's stood in crowded hallway.   
  
"Who?" Costia interrupted putting her arm's around raven and Clarke's shoulder's already intoxicated with alcohol. "Enjoying the party?" she slurred.   
  
"It's incredible!!" octavia beamed holding her beer up before taking a swig "Where's your brother?" she asked way to eagerly.   
  
"Urgh. Gross." Costia looked grossed out at the mention of Octavia and Lincoln. "Dont want to know" She cut her off bowing her head asking as if she was going to be sick with a big smile on her face.   
  
  
"Whitttt wooo"   
  
The blonde furrowed her brows in confusion as Raven Costia and Octavia focused elsewhere, she was about to ask what they were looking but when Clarke turned around herself she felt her heart thud against her chest she felt tingles in her finger tip's and a drop in her stomach, a drop she could only explain as a good drop, a unfamiliar drop.   
  
"Wow" Costia breathed eyeing Lexa's body from top to toe as she walked down the stair's uncomfortably. Clarke couldn't speak, the noise around her muted and she felt hypnotised, she knew she was staring but as much as she tried to pull her eye's away, she couldn't. Her now darkened blue eye's trail Lexa's body from her plump lip's, her shadowy eye make up to her Long brunette lock's in lose curls.   
"Fuck" Clarke muttered against her bottle of beer, for only herself to hear. Her eye's couldn't tear them self away the more her eye's lowered the more her stomach did flip's. The word Flip's couldn't even justify how Clarke chest and stomach felt right now, but it's all she could think of but what ever the feeling was she wasn't familiar with it.   
She couldn't help but notice how the leather pant's tug tightly to her long slender Leg's, and her stomach could only drop once more as she noticed the white crop top allowing everyone to see her bare tanned flat stomach.  
  
"She looks hot!" Octavia announced.  _Beautiful_ Clarke wanted to correct, but she didn't. She wanted nothing more than to approached the girl, she had never felt a urge like it something tugging her forward, tugging her to the one place she feel's like she wanted to be a smile had appeared on Clarke's lips just by starring, only for it to be removed when Lexa reached the bottom of the stair's and there was Costia waiting, Wrapping her arm's around Lexa and kissing her cheek, but what Clarke hated more, was Lexa smiled When Costia kissed her cheek.The blonde snapped her eye's away quickly taking a swig of her drink in silence, her mind was running wild, she didnt understand what she was feeling for the shy innocent brunette, but what ever it was, she couldn't deny it.  
  
"What was that?" Raven questioned starring at Clarke almost squinting At the blonde as if she just figured something out.  _Oh no._  
  
"What was what?" Clarke acted oblivious  
  
"That" Raven said looking to Lexa and back "Did you just.." stopping mid sense Raven's eye's widened "Do you have a thing for the new girl?" Raven questioned eagerly   
  
"What. No" Clarke tried to looked mortified before taking a big gulp of her beer but truth be told, she had not idea what she had for Lexa.   
  
"Your lieing." Raven said slowly studying Clarke's features. "You nostril's flare when your lieing"   
  
"I do not have a thing for Lexa raven"   
  
"What you have a thing for Lexa?" Octavia butted in only coming aware of what they were taking about.   
  
"No. No."   
  
"Flare" Raven pointed Clarke's nostril's    
  
"They are not flaring" Clarke tried to cover her nose quickly   
  
"Flare" Raven laughed once more   
  
"urgh" Clarke huffed "You guy's are so annoying, i do not have a thing for Lexa" She said more quietly turning around seeing the brunette standing nervously With Costia while smiling, and still Clarke wanted to no what she was smiling for. "I don't know, i mean.. im so confused" Clarke admitted turning around to face her friend's one more, and that was the biggest truth Clarke had ever told. She really didn't know what kind of feeling's she had for Lexa, but what ever it was it recurred alot.

"We need another drink!" Raven announced "Dont think you heard the last of this conversation" She warned the blonde giving her the look, The look telling her we will speak again when no alcohol is involved. Clarke nodded in understandable. _maybe that would be the smart move after all right? Maybe it's just the alcohol kicking in?  It has to be the alcohol._

A few hours had passed and Clarke had done nothing but avoid the Brunette who repeatedly made her stomach drop repeatedly all night, where ever Clarke would go she would find her eyes searching for Lexa and her heart pounded against her chest each time she found her, she would be smiling or laughing while standing around arkwardly, but her heart would drop when she finally noticed where Lexa went, Costia followed. She had become her shadow through out the night and it angered her more how Lexa would welcome her hand hold's the small kisses on the cheek _. Lexa didn't like Touching, so why is she letting her  
_ The more time that had passed the more intoxicated with alcohol Clarke had became the blonde had become unaware that she would gulp her drink down fast when she could catch lexa having fun with Costia.  
Clarke felt a tap on her shoulder making her turn around instantly her heart pounded felt like it stopped.  
  
"Hi" Lexa smiled innocently crossing her arm's across her bare stomach. Clarke gulped, she gulped hard.   
  
"Hi" Clarke relaxed instantly already wishing she had spoken sooner, her eye's travelled down the brunette's body "I love your outfit" Clarke admitted and she did, she really did.   
  
"umm.. Thank's" Lexa smiled nervously moving foot to foot her arm's still covering her bare stomach. "I feel.. silly" She admitted, she wasn't use to these clothes. The comfortable silence fell among both girl's and Clarke could only gaze in to green almost losing herself completely, she slowly moved her hand's to the girls wrist guiding them away from her bare stomach before entangling there fingers together, her heart fluttered at Lexa allowed her finger's to slide perfectly between her's.   
  
"Dont hide yourself" Clarke stepped closer so Lexa could hear without having to shout over the music. "You look beautiful" Clarke admitted for the first time. Her heart beat quickened. She felt like she could wrap herself in to lexa and melt away every time she smiled, she felt like she could drown in her captivating emerald green eyes. Her eyes flicker to Lexa's and she wonders if there as delicate and smooth like she imagines.  _Why the hell am i imagining her lips!?  
_ Clarke quickly snaps her eye's away clearing her throat slightly   
  
"You have had many eyes on you tonight?" Clarke tries changing the mood, it felt heavy but comforting to her,   
  
"Have i?" Lexa asked unaware   
  
"Please, how many guy's have approached you tonight?" Clarke raised a brow   
  
"They were just being friendly" Lexa speak's more nervously unaware that all the sleazy guy's had been hitting on her. Clarke had watched from a far seeing many boy's approach Lexa, she had watched how lexa became more nervous bowed her head while trying to cover herself. She didn't feel comfortable around them, and each time they left her alone Clarke felt relieved, even if it was Costia moving them along sometimes.   
  
"They wanted to get in your pants" Clarke teased trying to hide her own annoyance, it was only when she squeezed her hand's closed she realised her hand's were still entangled with lexa's. "Come dance with me?" Clarke questioned after a moment of silence, she had dropped her own gaze  between them trying to get Lexa and other people out of her head, it just kept ticking in her brain, she couldn't quite place it.   
  
"Oh.. no.. no" Lexa shook her head rapidly looking to all the dancing body's near by. "I can't dance Clarke. No" she objected, as if it was the world's scariest place, her finger's began twiddling with Clarke's, and Clarke knew her nerve's were now in control, yet Clarke couldn't help her smile from growing as Lexa played nervously with Clarke's fingers, even if it was just because Clarke was holding her hands.   
  
"Ill help you" Clarke pleaded softly taking further step's backward's leading to the dance floor hoping Lexa would follow, Clarke came to a hold as Lexa stood froze to the spot, her expressions going crazy, before she finally placed one foot in front of the other and allowed Clarke to pull her close.   
  
"Is this ok?" Clarke  questioned placing her Hand's on Lexa's bare hips, her finger's tingling instantly while she try's to hide how her breath hitched at the contact, Lexa nodded standing still as the blonde pulled her closer "And this?" She questioned close enough to feel Lexa's uneven breath being released.   
  
"Yes" She breathed as blue met green.  
  
"Good." Was the only word that could Leave the blondes mouth as there bodies pressed tightly together, easy reaching distance to kiss. _God stop thinking about kissing!_ Clarke thought finally closing her parted lip's. "Now move like this" Clarke continued to whisper to the brunette as she guided her hip to sway slightly from side to side against her's making there bodies move to the beat against one another. "Good" Clarke hummed once more feeling Lexa willingly begin to move her body, Green Never Left Blue, and Clarke noticed Lexa breath didn't even.   
  
Clarke Lost count on the amount of times Lexa had made the music mute to her ear's that night along with everything around them. Without having to even be around the Smoking hot brunette she was doing thing's to her, doing things that have never happened before, even right now Clarke wanted nothing more than to lean in and capture Lexa's delicate lip's, she wanted to tug on the bottom one. Clarke released a heavy breath, feeling her temperature rising as Lexa placed a shaky hand on the Blonde's hip without needing guidance.   
  
"Is that ok?" Lexa questioned shakily. It took all Clarke's will power to not screen the words yes, her chest fluttered again and it still annoyed her how she couldn't describe how it felt. Clarke nodded. Swaying her hip's more aggressively naturally as the beat radiated through the room, she wanted nothing more than to turn around and close her eye's and show Lexa her move's. She knew it was sexy, but she didn't want to scare the girl.   
  
"Mind if i interrupt?" Costia beamed placing beside both girls as they snap their gaze away.  _Hell yes! Back the fuck away!_ Clarke wanted to scream enjoying every second of this, more than she should.   
  
"No" Clarke smiled bowing her head slightly while moving away, It took everything she had to tear herself away from the brunette, but maybe, just maybe Lexa and Costia had something going on. They had been inseparable all night after all.  
  
"Ill better find fin anyway" Clarke smiled looking to both girl's and Clarke could have sworn Lexa looked hurt.

 _I'm_   _imagining it'  
  
_ Clarke had never walked away so quickly out of a room, wanting to create a space between them as quickly as possible, she didnt want to turn back and see the girl's grinding against one another, she didn't want to see lexa with smiles and cuddles for Costia, And that's when it dawned on her Clarke was jealous, frustrated, red faced agitated jealous.   
  
_Fuck._  
  
  
"Spin the bottle bitches!!!" Raven and Octavia shouted from the top of there lung's from the dining area, many people cheering, some ignoring and carrying on with what they were doing not interesting in playing.   
  
"fuck it" Clarke muttered downing the remaining of her beer before heading in the direction to play the game, any distractions would be great right now.  
  
_All this shit is just the alcohol wearing in'_ Clarke tried to convince herself, But that was a lie.  
  
  
**Opinions would be great right about now :) How did i do? Sorry i don't want them just getting it on instantly :)  
****Any idea's for spin the bottle let me know? Im rubbish at dares! Lol! Be creative!!**

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Lost And Insecure!**

 

Clarke took a harsh gulp of her drink until the remaining of the bottle was empty. If she turned around she could see Lexa, and if she could see Lexa she could see costia dancing against her and that encouraged Clarke to begin drinking heavily. Costia seemed to feel the need to continue to touch lexa in one way or another, she would place her hands on her hips as Lexa sway side to side like Clarke had showed the brunette, or costia would place small kisses on Lexa's cheek but what made Clarke's stomach turn was when Lexa would smile and laugh at Costia, allowing the small gestures that The smaller brunette was offering This only encouraged Clarke to throw as much alcohol down her throat until she was completely consumed by alcohol allowing it to slowly take over effecting her vision, her speech and her balance.   
  
"Ohhh!!" the small group roared as the bottle landed on Bellamy banging there hands all at once on the small coffee table.   
  
"Get on with it!" Bellamy laughed taking a swig of his drink seeing all the devious smirks as they all thought of the dare he would have to do.   
  
"Ah, i got one!" Raven announced. "you have to place this lipstick on someone's lips anyone of your choice!" She smirked "No hands of course!"   
  
"To easy!" He laughed taking the lipstick raven held out "Clarke get your butt here!" He smirked curling his finger to the blonde.   
  
"why me!?" She slurred just about managing to raise her head from the floor "Do not...ruin mii face.."   
  
The group roared of laugher as the blonde shakily made her way to stand in front of Bellamy, her speech slurring more with every word she said while circling her hands over her face in warning to keep it pretty.  
  
"of course madam" He smirked before placing the lipstick between his lips and placing his hands behind his back. The group laughed together as Bellamy traced the lipstick over the drunken girl mouth barely getting her lips Clarke had laughed halfway through coursing the lipstick to trace over her teeth.   
"Fuck it" Bellamy muttered dropping the lipstick from his lips and clasping both hands either side of Clarke's face and smashing his lips on her own with a big mwah sound when he pulled away he had red lipstick printed around his mouth. The group had been unable to control there giggles throughout the whole thing.  
  
"Cheeky git!" Clarke laughed smacking Bellamys upper arm playfully.  
  
"What you playing?" costia questioned with lexa in tow hand in hand.  
  
"Spin the bottle" Octavia spoke sitting back in her seat beside Bellamy "You in?" She questioned.  
  
"I'm in!" She grinned "i love this game" She admitting guiding lexa to stand around the table. Clarke watched the brunette look at the bottle then to the rest of the group, she looked nervous and unsure and Clarke couldn't help but wonder if Lexa had even had a drink yet, or played this game before for that matter. She wanted to reach out and reassure Lexa, squeeze her hand and ask her if she was ok, she wanted to sit beside her and push Costia out the way. But she didn't, instead she sat quietly reaching for another drink and pouring the liquid down her throat. Clarke had wanted to play this game to stop what ever feeling that were building, she had sat with her back facing the dinning area where lexa and costia had danced to closely together but now It was as if it was being rubbed in her face, and she wasn't even sure what that was.  
  
"Shame it's not seven minutes in heaven" Costia grinned looking up to lexa while flashing her a wink. Clarkes teeth gritted and without thinking she slammed her bottle of beer on the coffee table, everyones gaze instantly snapped to her in confusion.  
"Are we playing or what?" She almost snapped not wanting to hear any more from Costia.   
  
_It's just the god dam drink, that's all it is Clarke. The drink. Chill._  
  
Bellamy spun the bottle on the table as he was the last one to complete a dare. The group fell silent waiting patiently on the next victim to be revealed while Clarke never looked up, she clung tighter to her drink, taking large unsteady gulps.  
  
"Raven!!" Octavia giggled seeing the bottle land on her best friend while clapping her hands.   
  
"Ok so i think we should put the truth option back in the game" Raven announced placing her drink to her lips "Who's idea was that again?"   
  
"Yours!"Fin laughed "and i don't think so" He grinned like the rest of them in pure evilness "Ah got one, take a body shot of someone your choice!!" Clarke immediately rolled her eyes at Finns words.  _Typical lad._  
  
"Clarkey lay the fuck down!!" She ordered smirk firmly in place.  
  
"Why the hell am i doing all the dares?" She groaned   
  
"You taste the best!" Raven confessed "Lay down" she ordered once more with a pointed finger "Jasper fetch me the tequila salt and lime!" she ordered   
  
"This is what i call entertainment" Finn announced watching Clarke lay down and while perched up on her elbows.  
  
"Thanks bud!" Raven took the items she needed from jasper before lowering her lips to Clarke's neck wetting it with her tongue and placing a small amount of salt over it, then She placed the lime between Clarkes lips and poured the tequila in the shot glass.   
  
"Hmm. No shot on the stomach please!" Bellamy interrupted.   
  
"She has a dress on" Raven pointed out the obvious "How do you expect me to do that"   
  
"Figure it out" He smirked huddling around like the rest of the group.   
  
"Feels like im the only one being dared!" Clarke huffed removing the lime from her lips and sitting up removing the straps down her arms and shuffling her dress down stopping just before her waist line. "There get on with it" She huffed now laying back down half naked, normally Clarke would care, normally she wouldn't strip her clothes half off her body and would tell them to pick someone else, but the alcohol had intoxicated the blonde, her body felt num and her actions were just as num. This wasn't Clarke.   
"Ready?" Raven questioned tearing the small amount of liquid on Clarke's stomach and in her belly button, The blonde nodded looking around the group crowding around them, the boys eyes just trailing her body while the girls watched both the girls laughing at the dare they had choose.   
  
Then Green met blue.   
  
Clarke didn't move her gaze, not once, not when Ravens tongue started on her stomach drinking down the shot, Not when she trailed it up to her chest, not when she sucked on the salt from her neck, her eyes fluttered at the feel as it was admittedly a weak spot for Clarke but blue remained firmly on green, even When Raven hovered over Clarkes lips taking the lime between her teeth. That wasn't the weird part, the weird part was Lexa never looked away once either, her eyes didn't falter, they wasn't searching the blondes body like the boys she wasn't laughing with the girls glad of the dare they had all choose, no. Lexa was gazing in to the blue eyes that were gazing right back.  
  
"Earth to Clarke!" Finn smirked waving his hand in front of the blonde "You can get dressed now babe" He announced as she still was laying on the floor half naked, she snapped back to reality after temporarily losing herself. Pulling her dress up quickly and standing to her feet   
  
"Your body is incredible" Finn whispered in her ear Clarke smiled at the boy but her head wasn't in it. All she could think about was the girl behind her, the girl with the green eyes who felt like they were burning her from the inside out, a feeling Clarke was unfamiliar with. Yet the blonde wanted nothing more than to turn back around and catch her gaze once more only when Clarke finally did Lexa's eyes were on the floor with her body just as shifty as when they first met.  
  
"Next!!" Jasper grinned already spinning the bottle as everyone stood correctly around the table. Clarke felt Finns hand slide around her back gripping at her hip pressing the side of there bodies against one another. Clarke had never felt wrong with Finn, she has been his girlfriend after all for the last two years now and they had always had a nice calm relaxing relationship, they felt comfortable with one another and they always had, but Finns hand felt out of place, like she didnt want it there, like it suddenly didn't belong anymore. While the game continued Clarke stood their trying to fight her new emotions. Lexa was a girl. Clarke wasn't gay, she was straight. Wasn't she?  
  
_it's just the alcohol,_ The blonde kept thinking.  
  
Only it wasn't.   
  
"Oh it's the newbie" The small group looked even more pleased than all the previous dares "What can we give you you little minx!" Raven grinned looking around the group trying to come up with the best dare for Lexa. If Lexa didn't look uncomfortable before, she certainly did now when the blondes eyes fixated on her, she looked nervous, and scared. Clarke now knew she had never played this game before, and she wanted so bad to reassure the brunette, that things would be ok, that it's just a game, but all thoughts of saying anything were lost when Clarke heard Fin speak up.  
  
"Well as Costia wanted to play 7 minutes in heaven, that sounds like a good dare to me" He smirked oblivious to Clarke's widened eye's. "So lexa we dare you to get in that cupboard" he pointed to the cupboard beneath the stair's   
  
"Who's going in with her?" Bellamy questioned with a smirk on his face eyeing up the brunette in her leather trousers and white crop top, that only angered Clarke more,   
  
"Spin the bottle and we will find out" Fin announced with a grin.  
  
Everything was happening way to fast For Clarke's drunken head, she watched Lexa itch the back of her neck nervously, she didn't want to do this, Clarke could tell, her hand dropped to her bare stomach once more wrapping it tightly around herself. Clarke watched the bottle spin nervously hoping, praying the bottle would just disappear and land on no one, she didn't want Lexa in that cupboard for 7 whole minutes doing all sorts. But she had no right, right?  
  
"Looks like it's you costia" Finn announced as the bottle stopped and Clarkes heart thudded against her chest, of all people, all bloody people not her. Just the way She watched Costia smile brightly at Lexa with excitement made her stomach turn, her head hurt, and her mind  become to fuzzy.   
  
"Lexa you don't have to, if you don't want to" Clarke spoke before speaking, she didn't even care if she looked at the brunette pleadingly, "You dont have to" She repeated   
  
"Hell with that" Fin smiled "You do the dare of the forfeit, those are the rules and i assure you the forfeit is not worth it" he laughed remembering the many that had occurred amongst the group, one being raven walking in to school on a Monday morning in her underwear, causing her to be in a hole lot of shit in the principals office.  
  
"It's ok" Lexa spoke softly "Ill do it" She smiled.   
  
_no, no, no it is so not ok!!_  
  
All Clarke could do was watch as the two girls headed to the cuboard her stomach instantly beginning to turn inside out, and she felt sick. She wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or the fact the images taking over her mind was Costia and Lexa all over one another.   
  
"First base atleast!" Jasper announced Making the blonde head snap back up   
  
"That's a joke" Clarke tried   
  
"No.. it's not" Jasper confirmed "First base at least ladies we need a story to be told!" He smirked as they climbed in the cuboard.  
  
Green met Blue. Then the cupboard Closed.   
  
  
A few minutes passed, and each second was getting slower and Clarke felt the urge to just want to pull the door of the hinges and tell them to get out, tell them to stop, and shove Costia away.  
  
"Im going to be sick" Clarke announced quickly dashing to the bathroom.   
  
//  
  
Clarke slouched around the toilet emptying her guts she felt tired, she felt drained and more than anything she felt upset and confused. She felt like she wanted to cry but lash out in anger to, even in these moments where her body was to weak to even raise her head. She knew she had been in here longer than seven minutes she was glad she didn't want to watch that cuboard door open, she didn't want to see the girls locking lips or more. She already knew that the two girls were caught at something as the door was pulled open, Clarke could hear the roars of wolf whistling and cheers she had no doubt the girls in the cuboard had been caught at something, and that only made her stomach feel more weak.   
Raven had been up to check on her not long after being sick but the blonde had told her she was fine, and to return back to the group, she wanted this time alone, she felt like her brain had become a puzzle, a very confusing hard puzzle where new pieces would just jump out at her and confuse her to no end.   
  
No one had confused her like Lexa, Clarke had come to realise she was Jealous, deeply shamefully jealousy but yet she had no idea where it had came from, Clarke had never looked at a woman before, not like that, yes she found herself admiring lexa more often than she should. She enjoyed dancing with Lexa, having her body that close against hers but still Clarke felt confused did she like Lexa like that? Why did she like lexa like that?   
It was as if something that had just smacked her in the face while turning a corner, instead of it slowly approaching. Clarke wasn't sure about anything right now. It was time to go home.   
The blonde cleaned herself up and straightened herself out wanting to look presentable as she made her way back downstairs where the game looked like it had been continued as Bellamy and jasper tried popping a balloon between there body's using no hand's pressing hard and fast against one another as the group erupted in laugher.   
  
"I think im going to go home"Clarke announced as the balloon popped   
  
"Awh man stay" Raven begged pouting "Not the same without you"   
  
"I Feel like my head is ready to explode" Clarke admitted feeling the heavy weight and dizziness.   
  
"i'll Come with you" Lexa interrupted stepping forward And Clarke barely looked up and nodded  
  
"You can stay here tonight" Costia spoke quickly pulling at lexa's arm "I mean you can sleep here if you like" Costia spoke so innocently to lexa her eyes almost pleading. Clarke felt her stomach ache that little bit more she could tell costia liked the brunette, you had to be blind not to see it.   
  
"I think ill just go home" Lexa smiled nervously not wanting to seem rude  
  
"my mum likes us home" Clarke spoke up lying through her teeth, but lexa looked grateful and thats all that mattered, even if it was for clarkes own selfish reasons really.   
  
//  
  
"You're so drunk" Lexa smiled innocently helping the blonde in to there bedroom as quietly as possible.   
  
"I do not get drunk" Clarke bit back with a smile "I get awesome" she announced dropping on to her bed and lexa just smiled, she smiled widely and Clarke loved it. She loved it way to much. Lexa maybe a quiet girl but she said alot with her body, her smile and her eyes and Clarke had slowly been able to start reading her expressions no matter how drunk she was right now.   
  
"Lexa" Clarke breathed after a few moments of watching the brunette shift around the room   
  
"Yes?"She questioned turning her gaze to the drunken blonde.   
  
"You really do look beautiful tonight" Clarke admitted still admiring Lexa's outfit, in this moment she didn't care, she just wanted to tell the girl to stop being scared, stop hiding her body, because she was beautiful, incredibly beautiful.   
  
"Thanks" The brunette whispered nervously unconsciously placing her hand back around her bare stomach and hiding the bare skin.  
  
Clarke stood up, her eyes clamped shut quickly as she tried to stop the room spinning to keep her balance. Only when she opened her eyes Lexa was closer to her ready to catch her if she fell.  
  
"Don't do that" Clarke whispered removing Lexa's hands away from her stomach once more. "Why are you so shy with a body like yours?" Clarke questioned seeing Lexa bow her head, she knew she wouldn't respond, she knew every ounce of nervousness was radiating of the girl. Clarke choose to let the question drop, but she still held the girls wrist tightly away from the brunettes stomach.   
  
"How was your dare?" Clarke questioned needing to know but not really wanting to know the answer hoping Lexa would raise her gaze   
  
"Fine"She muttered "I've never played" she admitted quietly still with her head buried   
  
"Did you kiss?" Clarke questioned needing to know, she wanted to know if Lexa likes Costia back, or even if she was interested in girls she wanted to learn everything she could and if now was the only time she had the guts she would take it.   
  
"Yes" Lexa admitted innocently still not raising her gaze. The silence fell amongst the girls then Clarke released the girls wrist instantly feeling as if she never had a drink that night.  
  
"i think costia likes you" Clarke spoke hating saying the words, but still the silence fell amongst them and what Clarke usually explained as comfortable, now felt very uncomfortable she didn't know what more to say Costia Liked Lexa and they had indeed kissed of there own free will, that pretty much told Clarke all she needed to know.  
  
"We should sleep" Clarke announced turning back around to her own bed pulling her dress the the floor. Lexa's eyes instantly drawing to the bare girl's back. "Night lexa" She hummed getting between her sheets and placing her back to the brunette as she tried desperately to stop her mind from racing.   
  
"Night Clarke"   
  
//  
  
Like every other night, Clarke struggled to sleep, she had dozed of for a few minutes nothing more and nothing less, but like every other night she had woken in time for lexa. Lexa would shift every night becoming drawn in to the nightmares that haunt her, like every other night Clarke made her way out of her own bed and over to Lexa's. She wrapped a blanket around her self quickly before placing her bum on the floor leaning up to Lexa's bed and gliding her thumb across her hand. It soothed her every night, kept her nightmares away and while Clarke normally got Lost In Lexa's sleeping form tonight her mind ran free, she looked at Lexa's lips and could see Costia kissing them, she hated that thought, more than she could even explain to herself.   
She had no idea why She was drew to Lexa so much it was unexpected to say the least, but with each new feeling she discovers about the brunette she wants to explore, and it aches to know she cant.   
  
"what are you doing to me?" She whispered in to the silent room. Wanting noting more than that question to be answered.   
Clarke lent her her back against the bedside cabinet her hand still holding Lexa's gliding her thumb back and forth.

Then Clarke fell asleep.  
  



	7. Chapter 7

**Lost And Insecure!**

 

As the sun shone through the curtains on an early Saturday morning Lexa stirred awake her eyes flinching at the brightness before squeezing them closed. She groaned aloud as she turned around in bed only stopping in her tracks as she realized her hand was being held. As she flickered her eyes open she froze while her heart pounded.  
Clarke was fast asleep holding her hand while her body relaxed against the bedside cabinet. As Lexa furrowed her brows in confusion her body stiffened which only caused Clarke's thumb to sooth Lexa's hand like it was naturally only Clarke was asleep. Millions of thoughts and questions started running through her mind all while Clarke's thumb continued to move soothingly while letting out a whimper.  
  
_Why was Clarke on the floor? Why was Clarke holding my hand? Why haven't I moved my hand?  Fuck._  
  
The last question seemed to linger in her mind while looking at their still entangled hands. She couldn't understand why she hadn't pulled it away as quickly as she saw it and still continued to remain still. It scared her a little more than she would like to admit which is why she began slowly dragging her hand out from beneath Clarkes. The movement only seemed to stir Clarke awake causing her to grip the hand tighter while her eyes slowly flickered open. She yarned before fixating her eyes on green eyes watching her carefully.  
  
"Morning" She mumbled without thinking, without entirely knowing what she had been caught doing as she just smiled innocently.  
  
"Morning" Lexa said more than shyly back before trying to retreat her hand once more. Clarke immediately felt the movement snapping her hand back instantly letting realization flood her memory, she had never stood up so quick instantly. "Fuck" She muttered feeling her face reddening her blanket quickly dropped to the ground leaving her standing there in her underwear. "Shit" She mumbled once more quickly bending down to cover her exposed body.  
  
"Clarke" Lexa said softly all of a sudden a little hot.   
  
"Sorry" The blonde quickly interrupted "I shouldn't have" She rambled "Fuck" She mumbled to herself once more quickly turning to her own bed and climbed in making sure to purposely not face Lexa's way. "Fuck sake" Clarke mouthed cursing herself silently facing the wall.  
  
"Why were you holding my hand?" Lexa asked after a moment of silence but needing to know the answer, she certainly didn't fall asleep that way. The silence fell once more and Clarke remain faced away, just when the brunette thought she wasn't ever going to get an answer she shoveled out of bed swinging her feet first with her head bowed.   
  
"You have nightmares" Clarke just about pushed out while clamping her eyes closed, feeling more and more embarrassed at being caught this morning, even if she did enjoy every second of it every night. "You have nightmare's every night" Clarke confirmed still keeping her back to Lexa. The brunette fiddled with the hem of her t-shirt knowing she had nightmare's but she hadn't had any for over a week now so she wasn't sure what Clarke was saying.  "You got angry when i woke you the first time" Clarke continued remembering the Brunette giving her the cold shoulder although she was only trying to help "But then you kept having them  and I didn't know what to do" Clarke admitted finally having the gut's to turn around and face Lexa who was fiddling with something between her finger's. "I held your hand and rubbed my thumb across it one night and you just..i don't know. Relaxed?" Lexa wasn't the only shy one now in the room, Clarke felt as if she had a spotlight shined on her and she had to reveal how soft and thoughtful she could be, and her caring side was fully on display almost vulnerable maybe. The silence fell amongst them again and Lexa didn't speak, Clarke let out a heavy breath.   
  
"Well breakfast time i guess" Clarke smiled politely even though Lexa wasn't remotely looking at her, her gaze had been in her lap for the last five minute's and Clarke didn't know what else to do, she wanted to tell her not to be shy, not to be embarrassed, not to worry but clearly Lexa didn't want her touching her and most certainly didn't want her help, the blonde moved around shoving some pyjamas over her body, as she was about to leave the room she stopped in her track's listening to Lexa's Question.  
  
"How often have you done that?" Lexa asked as her brain was puzzled she had nightmare's almost every night, nightmares that had stopped since moving in the Griffin household. Lexa just thought she was getting past it, growing out of it, or even she no longer had those fear's but now maybe she was wrong.  
  
"Every night" Clarke admitted softly finally facing the brunette with a big distance between them. "I'm sorry if that crossed a line for you, that wasn't my intention, I won't do it again" she assured watching the fearful girl, her whole body struggling to relax. Clarke's gaze dropped to Lexa's fidgety hand's fiddling with the end of her top repeatedly twirling it between her finger's, and Clarke already knew she was uncomfortable she had learned she did it more and more the more nervous she is.  "Sorry" Clarke said softly once more, Before turning back around and heading down the hallway feeling as if her heart was ready to burst out.   
  
//  
  
Clarke sat at the breakfast table watching her mum busying herself cleaning up while she was in a daydream, she had fallen into it a number of times making her breakfast, eating her breakfast and now just staring into nothing. If Clarke was honest she was hung over her head was pounding and her body ached the only reason she hadn't made her way back upstairs was because she would have to face the brunette in her room, and she wasn't sure if she wanted to. What could she say? she had stupidly been caught holding her hand and Lexa obviously was not ok with it, she doesn't blame her of course. Then there was her feeling's, the feelings Clarke couldn't wrap her head around, the questioned that continued to spin in her head with no answers. Why was she so bothered about Lexa? Why did Clarke already miss comforting the brunette at night when she would have a nightmare? Why did her teeth grit when thinking of Lexa kissing Costia? Why did she want to rip Costia's head? Her head was pounding the more she tried for her answers  
  
"What's up kid?" Jake questioned placing in the stall beside Clarke knocking her from her thought's.  
  
"Nothing" She smiled trying to act like she wasn't just thinking of the brunette upstairs.   
  
"Clarke" he smirked raising his eyebrow "How long have I known you again?" he rubbed his finger against his chin pretending to think  
  
"Shut up" She tried to hide her smile but failed.   
  
"Ah that's it!"He grinned looking at her once more "Your whole life I believe! So, I think it's safe to say I know when something's not right don't You?" He questioned honestly. Clarke couldn't deny it her dad knew her like no other, they were closer than the average father-daughter, he was like her best friend too, but this wasn't something she could really discuss right now, she wasn't even sure what it was exactly but maybe she could go around it.  
  
"Have you ever felt confused?" She questioned releasing a heavy breath "Like really confused about something?"  
  
"Many things" He Admitted. "But it depends on what you mean really?" Clarke twitched her lip to the side slightly trying to think how to put it without giving too much away.  
  
"Like it just quickly consumed your mind, and it just Jumped out of nowhere" She admitted trailing her fingers across the cold kitchen counter losing herself in thought "I can't really explain it" she breathed out "I don't understand it" Jake looked at his daughter for a moment waiting to see if she would continue or not, when she didn't he finally spoke.  
  
"is it bad?" He questioned as the blonde continued to draw circles on the kitchen counter with her finger. Clarke thought for a moment was it bad? it didn't feel bad? it just felt weird, confusing to be more accurate.  
  
"I don't think so" Clarke admitted "I don't know" Clarke mind was constantly wrapping around the same thing and it frustrated her not knowing if it was a good or bad thing, or if she liked it or didn't. Confusing was the only work to describe it.  
  
"You seem really torn" Jake admitted "I've not seen you like this before"   
  
"Yeah" Clarke breathed "I've never felt like this before" She said sadly she always knew what she wanted, what she was going to do, what she felt, what she needed to say, Everything just came naturally to her until now, now she just feels like her brain has been squished and she has to sort it back out again to go back to how she likes it.   
  
"Why don't you try exploring it more, whatever it is. Maybe it will help you with your answers"   
  
"Maybe" she breathed but wondered what there was to explore exactly.  
  
"Try this" He added watching his daughters uncertainty still "Think of whatever is confusing you, do it now" her dad ordered.   
  
So Clarke did she closed her eyes tightly letting out an unsteady breath, at first it was black. Then there was Lexa, playing with her fingers with the shyest of smiles, her eyes sparkling her emerald green. Flashes of Lexa flashed through her mind, how she sat how she slept, how her nightmares would wake her while Clarke would comfort her when she started having a panic attack in the bathroom, showing Lexa how to dance and move her hips. It was Just Lexa.  
  
Then the blonde smiled unaware.   
  
"See" Jake spoke up watching his daughter smile "It makes you happy when you think about it properly, maybe you should look into it more give it a try is all I'm saying" he smiled softly as his daughter opened her eyes.   
  
"Thanks, dad" She smiled standing up kissing his cheek   
  
"Im not even sure i helped" He laughed as the Blonde disappeared upstairs. Jake just sat there with a small smile on his face knowing his daughter was confused about someone, someone who made her question things.  Jake had only ever felt that kind of confused once, with Abby.  
  
  
\----  
  
Clarke opened the bedroom door seeing Lexa buried in a book, her headphones firmly placed in her ear only looking up to give a shy smile before returning her gaze back to reading. Maybe Jake was right maybe she should explore it more, she wasn't sure what the nagging feeling was or the feeling in the pit of her stomach but she most certainly wanted to know so here she was, standing in front of the brunette thinking of something to say, thinking of something to start there conversation.   
When Lexa could see Clarke staring at her she removed her headphone from her ear looking at the blonde confused.   
  
"Hi" Lexa tried softly   
  
"Hi" Clarke smiled now feeling like a bit of an idiot, "How can you read and listen to the music at the same time?" She questioned with a smile unable to do that herself. Lexa shrugged looking at her earphone in hand  
  
"I don't know" She smiled "I've just always done it"   
  
"I end up singing the words and losing the line to the book, end up reading the same line ten times" The blonde giggled a little bit as if it was the stupidest thing she ever said, but really she was just nervous, very nervous, but Lexa just smiled back not just a small smile, a wide smile and it only made Clarke's smile grow.   
  
"I Always end up singing" Lexa admitted "I place my finger on the word I'm at, so I don't lose my place" She smirked as if giving the blonde a tip.  
  
"Wise." Clarke admitted "Maybe I should try it"   
  
"I think you should"   
  
"Then I will" Clarke walked over to Lexa's bed now finding her confidence, the confidence she which had never faltered until this brunette entered her life "Give me" Clarke ordered taking the book from Lexa's hand and the headphone's She could see lexa look at her curiously with a small smile clearly not expecting to do it right now, but Clarke wanted the conversation to keep flowing and this was the way. Clarke placed the headphone in her ear raising her eye brow's at the blonde with a smirk.   
  
"Shawn Mendes ay?" Clarke questioned listening to the music "Add it up?" She questioned and Lexa nodded eyeing the blonde "Let's try this then" she gripped the book trying to read the book, she was already itching to sing to the song she knew very well.   
  
"I'm giving you a decision to make, things to lose and things to take!" The blonde blasted out placing her finger on the last line she last read, not that she really was reading. Lexa's grin grew wider as she watched and listened to the blonde who was sitting on her bed. Clarke didn't miss it she smiled back instantly and it only encouraged her to carry on "He's walking around like his number one, went downtown and you got him a gun!" This time Lexa giggled   
  
"what? Not like my singing?" She teased closing the book, headphone still in one ear. "I think I could win a singing show, to be honest" she tried acting serious but the smile passed her lips to easy as the brunette grinned at her.   
  
"You're talented" Lexa lied "Just maybe not at singing" She admitted   
  
"oh really?" Clarke asked unable to remove her smile while eyeing the brunette "I suppose I'll just have to leave that to you then, care to show me up?" she questioned handing her headphone back and book.   
  
"No thank you" Lexa replied more shyly than before at the mention of her singing, knowing Clarke had caught her. Clarke noticed and decided to drop it not wanting the brunette to get uncomfortable.   
  
"Did you enjoy last night?" Clarke questioned wanting to know, all she thought about from the night before was dancing against Lexa, holding her hips guiding her hip's and that only made her smile, even if She did kiss costia late that night.   
  
"I did" she admitted "You were sick" Lexa stated the obvious   
  
"I was!" Clarke smirked rolling her eye's "Too much alcohol! You seem ok" Clarke added   
  
"I didn't drink, I've never drunk" The brunette admitted shyly   
  
"Never?" Clarke questioned. She didn't think Lexa drank last night anyway judging by how nervous she remained and fidgety that night. Drink relaxes you she knew that far to well it's why she had the courage to dance with this brunette. The brunette just shook her head.   
  
"How come?" She questioned wanting to know why she had never touched a drink before.  
  
"i just never.. um.. drink changes people, and i just get nervous... I Mean i don't want to look silly" She admitted holding back a little not wanting to talk about her past just yet.   
  
"Would you want to try it?" Clarke questioned. Lexa shrugged her shoulders not to bothered.   
  
"I wouldn't mind" Lexa admitted "I just.. not around everyone"   
  
"Ok" Clarke smiled in understandable "Maybe we could try it together sometime"   
  
"Maybe" Lexa smiled fidgeting a little as she sat u crossing her leg's with her hand's in her lap Clarke still remained placed on her bed just watching the brunette.   
  
"So Costia?" Clarke questioned "Are you two like? i don't know. Dating?" The blonde had to ask, she had to ask the question she wasn't even sure she wanted the answer to.  
  
"No" Lexa said softly "Friends"   
  
"didn't you kiss?" Clarke questioned letting the relief flow through her body at the answer no. Instantly Lexa dropped her gaze between her hands fiddling like she always did Clarke watched her action and as much as she wanted to know she dropped it, not wanting to scare the girl in front of her. Lexa was speaking and communicating more than she normally does, although Lexa did communicate with her more than most anyway as they shared a room together.   
  
"Forget i asked that" Clarke smiled "You don't have to speak about anything you don't want to" She assured the brunette placing her hand on the girl's knee, she felt the brunette flinch slightly not expecting to be touched but then allowed it.   
  
"Do you want to watch a film?" Clarke questioned. She hated film's but hey it couldn't hurt right.    
  
"oK" Lexa agreed itching the back of her neck.   
  
"Ok, im picking!" Clarke smirked pulling off the bed quickly and over to her DVD selection.  
  
Clarke had scanned through the DVD's quickly deciding on a horror The Conjuring, it was one of her favorites that and she only really liked horror movies. She placed it in the DVD player quickly setting it up and closing the curtain's darkening the room with only the tv lighting the room.  
  
"You might want to sit on my bed with me" Clarke smiled "The TV's At a weird angle so you cant see it properly over there"  
  
"Ok" Lexa said nervously moving over to Clarke's bed, followed by the blonde herself. Both sitting side by side shoulder's touching one another and Clarke smiled at the contact, she didn't question why she was fed up with questioning so instead, she allowed it as it warmed her body.   
  
\---  
  
The film took a while to get in to but just when Clarke was beginning to lose herself Lexa started jumping at everything, sometimes even when nothing was there but Lexa expected there to be and Clarke the hero that she is, just laughed.  
"Awh" Clarke cooed "I'll protect you" she smirked gripping the brunette's hand with her own. Lexa allowed it instantly so Clarke didn't let go.   
  
"Shut up" Lexa almost wined with a little embarrassment feeling Clarke's thumb now rub back and forth soothingly. "I hate horrors" She admitted.   
  
"I've noticed" Clarke smiled softly Turning away from the screen looking into green that was so close to her "It's cute" She admitted. It slipped between her lips easily as she studied Lexa's face.  _She is just beautiful._ Clarke thought.   
Lexa said nothing she just looked at Clarke studied the blonde like the blonde was studying her. Some point throughout the film the girl's had relaxed in the same bed, laying down instead of both sitting up against the headboard there head's popped up from the pillow's and hand's now tangled with one another, When Lexa turned back to focus on the tv, Clarke let her eye's linger for a moment taking in Lexa's strong jaw bone, then to her lip's. She wanted to kiss her, she couldn't deny it.  She felt her throat and chest become heavy at the thought and had to look away, clamping her eye's closed to push it out from her mind. _Focus on the movie_  
  
//

Lexa hated horrors she hated them with a passion her heartbeat would always increase rapidly she would normally hide behind a pillow when something's about to jump out when the music changed or someone opened a mirror and closed it knowing something would be in the reflection. Normally she would just avoid them completely but Clarke had chose it so she didn't say a word, not that she would this was her room and her idea. Lexa felt Clarke's head drop to her shoulder her grip loosening on her hand, the brunette turned her gaze to see Clarke asleep, fast asleep with heavy breathes. Instead of turning back to the screen Like lexa knew she should she didn't, she looked at the sleeping blonde, she had hardly seen the blonde sleep as she was normally awake longer than herself.   
Clarke's lip's parted slightly as she fell heavier unconsciousness.   
The brunette raised her hand pushing the Falling hair around Clarke's face, feeling her soft smooth skin under her finger tip's.   
This was the girl she shared a room with. The girl who watched her have a panic attack in the bathroom. The girl who came to defend her against Murphy. This was Clarke. Clarke. The girl who helped her to dance, and sooth her to without out her knowing.   
  
Lexa released a heavy unsteady breath unable to move her focus on the sleeping blonde Lexa was always sure of her feeling's she knew her emotion's she had kept her self to herself for to long to not understand her feelings to not study them till she could explain them piece by piece. She knew her walls were trembling beside her willingly when Clarke was around, even when she was unconscious her body allowed Clarke to soothe her. It scared her even more than she didn't want to move her hand from her's, she wanted to remain in the embrace with Clarke fast asleep on her, with her hand in her own.   
So she did she watched the blonde sleep she watched her breath steadily, and flinch every now and again in a dream no doubt.   
She thought about the night before the night of the party and the game they played, all day she hadn't been able to Get Clarke's eyes out her head as she had a body shot taken from her body, the blonde's gaze never moved hers from Lexa's the whole time and Lexa remembered her mouth went dry, so dry like a desert dry.   
Not only was Clarke starring at her with her heavy eye's her body was nearly fully on view Lexa's body went hot she was unable to tear her gaze away, and she didn't want to either. Then there was the dance where Clarke held her close, her body was hot once more and as nervous as Lexa always became she felt comfortable she felt safe when she danced with Clarke like no one else could hurt them. That only scared her more, she doesn't grow attached to family's but already she could feel herself slipping. Slipping with Clarke.   
  
Clarke jolted awake her eye's snapping open as something awoke her from her dream, her body remained relaxed in place even though it scared Lexa making her jump once more. Once Clarke's eyes adjusted she looked confused for a moment wondering why She was sleeping Next to Lexa.   
"Hey" Clarke hummed her sleepy eyes still falling heavy.   
  
"Hey" Lexa replied thankful her hand that had been tracing the side of Clarke's face had been removed before she woke. "You're not very good at protecting someone" Lexa smiled remembering Clarke's word's when she kept jumping through the movie, Which only made Clarke smile wider listening to Lexa just joke with her playfully without her initiating it at all.   
  
"your safe aren't you" Clarke grinned squeezing Lexa's hand which was still on her's "I got you see"   
  
"You were asleep" Lexa smiled softly as she now sat up from the bed, she was to close to Clarke, way to close holding one another's hand, so she had to sit up only making Clarke do the same still keeping a grip of the brunette's hand.    
  
"Resting my eyes actually"   
  
"the film finished over twenty minutes ago, I don't think that was resting your eye's are you didn't move" She laughed knowing she had caught Clarke  
  
"Neither did you" Clarke added after a moment catching Lexa's green eyes with her own. Lexa wasn't expecting that instead once more she felt nervous, hot, anxious. She had allowed the blonde to sleep on her for quite some time, she didn't move and she didn't care and she had just confirmed that to Clarke. She didn't speak, didn't reply she just kept looking into blue like they looked back.  
  
Clarke squeezed Lexa's hand between her own unable to tear her eye's away from green they were mesmerizing they were beautiful, Lexa was beautiful. Everything about her, from her nervous fidgets, her fingers twiddling habit, her smile, her eye's, her lips. God her Lips. The blonde's eyes flickered down to them unable to stop them.  
She loved how full they were, how delicate and soft they looked they were the most appealing part of Lexa Clarke was sure of it. Her eye's flickered back to Lexa's clearly being caught but the brunette didn't move, the blonde was sure her eyes looked heavier. 

 _Did she want this?_ Clarke questioned herself allowing her eye's to shift back to her lip's The blonde painfully leaned in inching closer to the brunette, her eyes flickering to her eye's and lips repeatedly making sure she was ok, making sure this was ok, she still wasn't sure but Lexa didn't move, she remains still watching the blonde inch closer and Closer. Lexa released a heavy breath feeling Clarke so close, inches apart. The blonde's breath hitched feeling the warm breath, feeling the body heat now radiating from Lexa so close. So very Close.   
The blonde licked her lip's feeling them dry up completely wanting to kiss Lexa so bad, the ache pulling her closer and closer. The brunette's eye's flickered closed as the blonde's lips were ready to touch..  
  
"Dinners ready girls!" Abby shouted knocking on their bedroom door as they sprang apart. 

 --

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Lost And Insecure!**

 

 

Clarke couldn't bring herself to eat, just like she couldn't bring herself to look at Lexa across the dinner table. She had nearly just kissed her and that scared her to death. There were too many unanswered questions she had when it came to the brunette but as much as Clarke wanted to keep denying she felt something for her more than she should she couldn't. When Abby knocked on their bedroom door scaring them apart Clarke felt it, the ache on her lips and the drop in her stomach just for being so close. Clarke knows she should have been grateful her mum stopped them before anything happened but she wasn't, instead she found herself cursing her mum at such shit timing, she found herself wishing her mum could have waited a few more minutes. What scared her more is, she had a boyfriend and he never crossed her mind once.

  
"I'll help wash up Abby"   
  
"That's ok love," Abby said surprised at the offer "you don't have to, Jake and I will do it."   
  
"i want to" Lexa insisted carrying her and Abbys plate with her to the kitchen sink.   
  
"Thank you," Abby says softly "Clarke you could learn a few things from Lexa"  
  
"Not a chance"  
  
"Our little Clarkey here hates feeling bits of food touch her hands when washing up" Jake laughs.   
  
"You're supposed to scrape the plates first" Lexa grinned while turning to meet blue eyes.  
  
"Something always ends up in the sink with you" Clarke informs her while adverting her gaze elsewhere. She didn't want to lose herself so easily again. "It's gross when it touches your hand" If Lexa didn't believe her, Clarke scrunching up her face in disgust at just the thought was proof enough which had Lexa laughing over the sink almost instantly. Clarke suddenly found it difficult to look anywhere but Lexa as she smiled along with her.  
  
"I think it's just a way to get out of washing up" Abby piped up joining the conversation.   
  
"It is not" Clarke objected "It just makes my skin crawl"   
  
"What happens when they aren't here?" Lexa stutters while never looking away from the sink. Even though Lexa couldn't see her Clarke bit the inner of bottom lip at Lexa's nervousness even if she was slowly becoming more comfortable around her parents.   
  
"Well, it has to rain sometime right?" Clarke joked causing Lexa to grin so wide.  
  
"You think she's joking?" Jake questioned looking at his daughter with a smile plastered over his face shaking his head "Sometimes when me and Abby go away for work or what not, Clarke is left here for the weekend" He smirked still shaking his head at his daughter. "She decided one day to help us out as she puts it. She rinsed the plates with the tap and placed them on top of one another ready to be washed properly by us when we got back. She said it helped actually helped if we really thought about it" Jake laughed "although one morning she decided to have porridge, the rinsing didn't work apparently after she had left it to dry so just decided to throw the bowl away instead"  
  
Lexa's giggle was nothing compared to now as she scrubbed at the knife and forks while imagining Clarke giving up on a bowl with no other options left.  
  
"Better than leaving them there all smelly and gross isn't it?" Clarke stated matter of factly.   
  
"Not really honey, we're one bowl short in our set now"  
  
\---  
  
Day dreaming had become a reoccurring thing recently. The reason was obvious but Clarke refused to accept it as she left the house as quickly as possible after dinner. She had kept her back to Lexa as she searched through her wardrobe while she asked her where she was going, she didn't need to look to no the disappointed look Lexa would be wearing, she heard it in the simple word 'Oh' that left her lips. It took everything in her to leave the room without turning back and letting the guilt take over but the second she left the house the gut feeling was already there. Her mind and heart told her to turn back around even after she started the engine and drove away.   
  
She found herself outside Finns house.   
  
Clarke wasn't sure what she was here to achieve, she wasn't sure whether she needed to touch him or be touched, or to simply call it off altogether. Nearly kissing Lexa only made her more confused as she sat staring at her boyfriends house thinking everything over, thinking about everything she want and everything she doesn't.  
  
She wants to kiss Lexa. That's the first thing that pops into her head, her lips are still aching and her stomach drops thinking about it. She finds herself thinking about Lexa more and more, even more than Finn. Does that mean she is into girls now? She has never been attracted to a woman before or even looked at one once in that way. So why is she looking at Lexa like that?   
Why is the thought of just placing her lip's on the brunettes making her mind and stomach go mental. Clarke's breathing becomes more uneven the more she thinks of Lexa's plump lips, and the image just won't shake.   
  
She quickly exits her car and makes her way over to Finn's house knocking on the front door until the young lad answer's.   
  
\---  
  
  
Clarke had been in Finn's house for little less than an hour, his face had lit up the second he laid eyes on his gorgeous girlfriend at his front door and he didn't question why she was there either. They had made their way to his bedroom laying on the bed with one another like they had done hundreds of times turned in to one another studying each other face.   
  
"I Like you just showing up" Finn said softly never taking his eyes of Clarke's while placing his hand on her bare hip rubbing his finger back and forth, and Clarke didn't hate the contact.   
  
"Why?" Clarke questioned wanting to know, she might need to hear how Finn feels, she might need to just spend more time together as lately, they hadn't had the time, she allowed every possibility till it was ruled out. She watched Finn shrug his shoulders placing his arm under his head to prop him up a little more to look down at the blonde.   
  
"I love seeing you" He admitted "I've missed you"   
  
"I've missed you too" She smiled. Clarke didn't lie when she said that she realized she just didn't miss him the way he missed her. The blonde missed the way they were best friends as well as being a couple.  
  
"You look beautiful" He whispered pushing strands of her blonde locks out her face "You always look beautiful"   
  
Clarke closed her eyes not wanting him to read her emotions not wanting him to see that she wasn't feeling this anymore. Fin was everything a girl could ask for, honestly he was gentle, kind, passionate  and he always held his heart on his sleeve he didn't care what the lads would say to him, how they would tease him about being under the thumb  he would just be him, how his father raised him, respectful to women, and love like you never would again.   
Clarke wanted to try everything, wanted to straighten her mind and emotions out properly so she tried once more thing.   
  
She placed her hand on his shirt gripping it tightly and pulled him down slowly towards her lips, she watched as Finn closed his eyes before his lips touched hers then she did the same. Their kiss was in sync his lips soft and tender against hers he cupped her cheek as he grazed his tongue on her bottom lip for entrance, she allowed it, feeling his tongue push against hers like it had a hundred times. All she felt was passion from him, He loved her deeply and madly she felt it with every touch, every kiss and every word.   
  
But Lexa was all she could think about.   
  
Clarke pushed Finn of her sitting up quickly clamping her eyes shut.   
  
"Did I do something wrong?" Fin questioned nervously and confused.   
  
"No" Clarke stated softly before standing up knowing she need's to just do this, that kiss confirmed everything she needed.   
  
"What's wrong?" He questioned watching Clarke become nervous.   
  
"I hate having to do this" Clarke blurted pacing up and down the room before taking a deep breath and sitting back down next to Finn, she took his hand in hers and tried to speak as calmly as her body would allow her.   
  
"It's not you, it's me" Clarke said softly realizing what she just said "And I know people say that, and it's such a stupid phrase but really it's me. I'm so confused right now"   
  
"about us?"He questioned squeezing her hand tightly he was nervous and scared and Clarke hated herself even more for being able so to see it so clearly.   
  
"Yes," She admitted "i don't feel like it's right anymore" she admitted placing her hands on his cheek "I love you, I do" She admitted seeing his face weaken "just not like that. Your perfect" She admitted and she knew he was "I'm so stupid, I don't want you to change because of this. You're incredible the way you are, it's just my hearts not in this" She said sadly knowing she could possibly lose her best friend here too.  
  
"Clarke please.." He pleaded seeing the tears fill his eyes   
  
"Please don't" She leaned her forehead on his "you deserve so much more, and so much love" She admitted. Nothing made this better, no words would ease it for a boy already in love so she got up, and walked away resisting the urge to try to make him feel better, to make him feel happy once more.   
  
//  
  
It was late before the blonde returned, she tiptoed around the house trying not to wake anyone as she made her way to her and Lexa's bedroom.   
The blonde shuffled around grabbing some pyjamas before heading off to have a shower, she felt like she needed to wash every trace of her that had just happened. She allowed the tears to fall with the drops of warm water down her face.   
She wasn't sure why she was crying, it could have been she had just threw away the best thing that had happened to her because she was so confused and didn't know what was really going on, or if she was just crying because her emotions were everywhere right now. She allowed the tears to fall as she curled up on the shower floor.  
It was a release.   
  
Clarke made her way back into the bedroom wrapped up in her cosy pyjamas, hair still wet but scrunched up as it fell down one shoulder. Lexa was having a nightmare already as she walked in the room. She hesitated for a moment on what to do, she had been caught this morning and promised not to do that again, but she couldn't just leave her could she?   
  
She placed herself on Lexa's bed like she did every night only this time she didn't sooth the girl to calm, she didn't sooth the girl to stop her tossing and turning and the sweat appearing on her head, she just watched and she waited not wanting to cross the line with the sleeping brunette, she waited on the brunette's eyes to flicker open and she would wait to comfort her then.   
  
It felt like a lifetime watching the brunettes discomfort turn to stress and then petrified all while she was sleeping, the sweat had formed all over the brunette's body while it shifting like crazy as she mumbled things in her sleep "Stop" "I'm sorry" "Get away" The word's kept seeping through the brunette's lips and Clarke resisted the urge to comfort the sleeping girl.   
  
"Lexa" Clarke whispered getting ready to place her hand on the girl's cheek to wake her, only Lexa shot up out of bed nearly hitting Clarke in the face with such force, her eyes widened instantly. Clarke stayed calm seeing Lexa's face so close to hers. There was a look of horror behind green eyes along with fear and confusion. Without thinking, Clarke placed her on Lexa's cheek soothing it with her thumb as a few fingers curled around her neck until she was holding her cheek in her hand.   
  
"Are you ok?" Clarke questioned as Lexa exhales sharply but slow. "You were having a nightmare" She whispers stating the obvious.   
Lexa didn't speak, but she didn't move either so Clarke continued to hold her face in her palm stroking it until the girls breathing steadied. "Do you want to talk about it?" Clarke questioned as Lexa closed her eyes clearly tired but scared to lay back down and sleep.  
"No" lexa mumbled flickering her eyes back open   
  
"Ok" Clarke replied Catching blue with green. "You should sleep" Clarke smiled finding Lexa cuter than ever in her sleepy state, even if she did just wake up from a nightmare.  
For a few moments the girls just watched one another in silence as Lexa returned to her quiet self not answering to much. When Clarke's eyes trailed down to the brunettes lips like earlier today she tore her gaze away immediately.  
  
"Goodnight Lexa" Clarke whispered getting ready to stand up and move to her own bed Lexa's eyes widened and gripped on Clarke's wrist before she could move, When Clarke caught her gaze once more Lexa's eyes allowed her to see all the vulnerability beneath for the first time, she was scared.. so scared, It almost knocked Clarke.  
Without asking or thinking, Clarke scooted in the sheet's with Lexa beside her not sure if it was the right thing to do, but when Lexa laid down beside her and held Clarke's top between her fingers, Clarke knew it was.  
  
The room may have been silent, but Clarke's heart was not.  
  
\---  
  
When Clarke woke the first thing she noticed was Lexa still sleeping soundly in the same position only her grip more loose on Clarke time. Clarke's smile grew instantly not resisting the urge at all to push Lex'a wild mane free from her face, she looked even more beautiful than Clarke could remember the smallest things only made her more beautiful, cuter or even sexy. Clarke caught herself biting her bottom lip as she stayed wrapped up in Lexa before a sudden fear took over her, she didnt want Lexa to freak out when she woke and if the last few days are anything to by, Lexa's more than likely to do exactly that. Instead of sticking around to scare Lexa, Clarke began to shift out the bed and away from Lexa, but Lexa made it impossible as her grip on Clarke's shirt suddenly tightened.  
  
"Where are you going?" The brunette asked worriedly Never loosening her grip. Clarke's eyes found Lexa's fragile sones one's as she clung tightly to the blonde.  
  
"Nowhere" Clarke whispered as if Lexa was still sleeping, while placing her hand over Lexa's gripped one. "You ok?" Clarke questions. She felt Lexa nod against her shoulder but still their eyes remained fixed on one another.  
  
"I'm sorry about last night" Lexa finally says suddenly back to her nervous self, but still her grip remained not planning on letting Clarke go just yet.   
  
"Dont be" Clarke replied honestly. "i liked it" Clarke spoke more shyly than usual at the confession.  
  
Like many days the silence fell amongst both girls as they stared at one another, none mentioning the kiss that almost happened, none mentioning how close there holding one another, none even trying to part.   
  
"We should properly get ready for school" Lexa suggest sadly not wanting to move.  
  
"We properly should" Clarke confirmed.   
  
//  
  
The school day went by like any other for Clarke she hung with her friend's and studied hard in class, she saw fin a few time's and he didn't avoid her, that was good new's for at least there could be a friendship still to hold on to. She watched from afar where Lexa sat with Costia, she tried not to get angry every time she seen them together, she tried to stop her stomach dropping in such a horrible way every time she seen Costia grip Lexa's hand. she was jealous pure and simple.   
The jealousy vanished that night when Lexa and Clarke were at home, they had decided to watch another film with one another both laying in Clarke's bed this time more cuddled up, she loved how lexa had relaxed more around her, enough to snuggle in to the blonde. Clarke couldn't help but think that costia didn't get this side of Lexa with a smug grin. What Clarke didn't expect was Lexa to remain in her bed to fall asleep like she did the night before, her hand wrapped around Clarke's top gripping it tightly as she closed her eye's.   
Lexa and Clarke did this every night all week, Lexa would climb into bed with Clarke now as if it's a new routine and Clarke welcomed it with a smile on her face, and like every night Lexa would grip her tightly. The blonde like to think it was so she couldn't escape without Lexa knowing, security reason's like when she would get nervous she would fiddle with anything her fingers could get hold of. It was the cutest thing.   
Whenever they blonde was at school however, she would slowly find her mind being taken over at just the thought of Lexa, how she would bite on her pen when she drew or wrote, how she smiled at Clarke when they were alone, how Lexa had relaxed so much around her to the point she would begin singing ignoring the fact the blonde could hear her. Her voice was incredible.   
Yet still Clarke wanted nothing more than to kiss the girl, to place her lip's on those sweet delicate plump lip's she had thought about it every day, when she would sleep, when she would talk, even when she was nowhere near the brunette she would think of her lip's and Clarke had become certain there was nothing more she wanted.   
Clarke hated that they were go close at home, but at school she was always with Costia, maybe it was her own fault as she had made no effort to hang around more with Lexa, she was scared she wouldn't be able to act normal around her, scared her friends would pick up on stuff she wasn't willing to share. Raven had already caught her starring at the part last week, and she couldn't have that happen again. Clarke's jealousy was raging inside her building up ready to burst she would try to look away every break, try not to focus on the one thing in front of her which was Lexa and Costia. Costia was too obvious she had the hot's for Lexa she would laugh and touch and cuddle Lexa all the time but the brunette was oblivious to it and accepted it all.   
Clarke only watched from afar imagining all the thing's she wanted to do to costia, and none of them was nice, But Clarke had no right to be jealous so she never said a word. Instead, she remains quiet and enjoyed the time they spent together at home, knowing Costia didn't get that part of Lexa. 

"Never been so thankful it's Friday!!" Raven announced walking over to there usual spot on the field.   
  
"me to" Clarke smiled. She was glad she wouldn't have to watch Costia and Lexa so close for the weekend.   
  
"Are you coming to Bellamy's party?" Raven questioned remembering Clarke said she wasn't sure if she was going yet.  
  
"Of course" Clarke smiled already feeling like she just need's to dance the night away "im going to invite lexa too" Clarke smiled looking over to the spot Lexa already lay with Costia's head laying on her stomach side way's both looking up to the sky smiling and pointing. Clarke hated it so much.   
She was just glad Costia wouldn't be there tonight.   
  
  
  
 


	9. Second Family.

**Lost And Insecure!**

 

Lexa was already wishing she had said no to the party, she could already feel her nerves building at being around so many people in such a small amount of space. Her hand's were clammy and her mind began to race. She still got look's at school, she still heard snigger's when she walked past about her clothing, or how her hair was tied back or hanging loose, how her make up was done or about her terrible combat boots. It never stopped hurting the brunette how she became such a easy target for people to pick at to make there self feel better.   
  
"You ready?" Clarke questioned entering the bedroom bopping her head to the music that was blasting threw the room.   
  
"I guess" Lexa said nervously pulling at her sleeve's of her jumper. Clarke had said casual wear as it was just a small group gathering at Bellamy's, and that's exactly what the brunette went for with her black ripped jean's combat boot's and black and red chequered shirt.   
  
"Hey" Clarke said softly noticing lexa's nerve's kicking in "Roll these up" She smiled beginning to roll Lexa's sleeves up stopping at her elbow "Nice bracelet's" Clarke add's noticing half a dozen leather bracelet's wrapped around Lexa's wrist that were hiding under the shirt.   
  
"Thank's" Lexa smile's letting her arm's drop to her side.   
  
"Dont be nervous, it's just some of my friend's ill be with you all night" Clarke tries reassuring the brunette, not feeling the brunette relax one bit.   
  
Lexa remained quiet twitching her lip's to the side. Clarke's friends was the reason she was nervous they were the most popular in school not that the Lexa cared about being popular because she didnt she quite like just sitting with Costia in a corner on the field with only one set of eye's watching her and only one pair of ear's listening to her. She liked one on one a group just made her nervous, but these were Clarke's friends.  
  
"Come on" Clarke smirked pulling at the brunette's arm's in to the middle of the room before turning the music up even louder. Lexa stood there confused at Clarke's continued smile wondering what she was about to do.  "Dance!!" Clarke shouted over the music. Lexa stood there with her arm's crossed becoming self concious and more nervous, but that didn't stop Clarke as she started dancing to the beat bopping her hip to the beat and jumping up and down.   
  
_"Shout out to my ex!!! Your really quite the man"_ Clarke shouted from the top of her lung's with the biggest smile plastered on her face continuing to move her hip's to the beat " _You made my heart break and that  made me who i am!!"_ Clarke struggled not to giggle as could see Lexa watching her with a big grin. "Come on!" Clarke shouted pulling at the brunette's arms before she could object.   
  
"Move your feet" Clarke ordered "Trust me, it will relax you"   
  
Lexa allowed her smile to grow as Clarke gripped her hand's tightly moving her around the room without asking. The music was almost vibrating the room from the volume of the song, neither girl's could hear one another laugh when Clarke would take a twirl pulling lexa in to her close and pushing her out to twirl also. Lexa's feet started moving willingly dancing just as silly as Clarke was and Lexa stopped caring without knowing. They danced silly and clumsy together without a care in the world and lexa laughed alot, her smile never faulted and she forgot her worries as Clarke smiled just as wide giggling herself as she tried doing the robot earning a loud giggle from Lexa, but that only encouraged Clarke more wanting to never stop seeing that smile.   
  
"See" Clarke grinned as the song came to a end "Dance is the hidden language of the soul" Clarke smile's softly meaning every word dance was a escape for the blonde.  
  
"Your a good dancer" Lexa says honestly   
  
"Thank you" Clarke giggles "You're dancing with me later by the way"  
  
"I can't dance" Lexa say's more nervously as the song changes on her iPod. Lexa watches the smile grow on Clarke's face once more before feeling her hand on her own gripping it tightly and pulling her closer.   
  
"Do what i showed you last time" Clarke whispered moving her hand's to Lexa' hips like she gripped them at the last party. "Move your hips side to side" She guided softly gripping her hands tightly to her hip guiding her with the song.   
  
Lexa allowed Clarke to guide her hip's helping her with the beat her gaze remained fixed between them unable to look up in to blue. When they first danced together last week Lexa had been unable to get it out of her head, how Clarke would be so gentle with her and so tender with her word's. Clarke moulded there body's together at Costia's party helping Lexa's movement to just follow Clarke's with the beat but lexa didn't fail to miss how her body temperature fired up and her finger's tingled with excitement.   
"see" Clarke whispered "Your dancing" She smiled slowly releasing Lexa's hips watching them move alone. Clarke took a few step's with a smile plastered on her face watching Lexa move her hips and feet to the song.

The blonde took her lip between her teeth unaware of her own action's, all she could think about was dancing against lexa as she swayed her hips side to side, she wanted to grab her close, impossibly close and grind against the brunette, she wanted to feel the heat under her finger tip's from Lexa's skin, and the breath in her face, she wanted to feel everything and anything from Lexa. Clarke wanted to dance like she never danced before show every move she had as the music guided her entire body till it came alive and on fire. Instead she smiled at the brunette and allowed her to have her own moment encouraging her to carry on as her confidence grew in front of Clarke. Clarke just fort the urge to reach out and hold the girl close and dance with her, she fort the urge at reaching out and kiss the girl like she almost did a week ago, she fort the urge to confess to lexa that she was making her question everything and that is all Clarke seem to be finding herself doing lately, She fort against every urge she had for Lexa because she was scared.   
  
//

  
Clarke stood by her promise and stayed by Lexa's side introduced them all to Lexa officially and properly and Lexa found herself struggling to keep her head up and meet there eye's she felt like she was being judged and looked down by the small group, even if she wasn't. She felt like they didn't want her here, she was just a tagging along with the blonde and they just had to deal with it. The brunette's hand's began nervously playing with the end of her shirt as she scanned the place for the first time. The music was playing loudly from the front room, drink's were lined up on the kitchen counter from what Lexa could see, and there seem to be a few people wondering outside to the garden, although she didn't know what was out there yet.  
"Nervous?" Clarke questioned grasping Lexa's hand to stop the fiddling. Lexa could only smile slightly before it disappeared, her heart was pounding, her palm's were sweaty and Clarke was just looking at her with the softest eye's as if trying to send her a message that she would be ok, she would look after her.   
"Do we need to dance already?" Clarke teased raising an eyebrow. Lexa shook her head with a smile on her face thinking about there little dance routine only a hour ago.   
"Then breath or you wont be standing for much longer" Clarke smirked "It's just a few friend's nothing huge, you will love it trust me"   
  
"Ok" Lexa smiled taking breath's finally.   
  
"Ahhh New Girls here!!" Jasper shouted entering the kitchen already intoxicated by alcohol as he raised his drink. "Where's the leather pant's?" He questioned taking a sip from his drink looking lexa up and down as he walked closer.   
  
"Jasper!" Clarke snapped rolling his eyes "ignore him" Clarke plead's shaking her head.   
  
"What?" He questioned with a grin "Just saying, she looked HOT in those baby's!"   
  
Lexa immediately went bright red dropping her gaze she felt embarrassed and surprised at the same time, embarrassed by the comment yet surprised that someone in Clarke's group remembered who she was without having Clarke introduce who she was properly. The blonde  released lexa's hand bringing it to Jasper's arm with a sharp force whacking him with a thud.   
  
"Owh!" He groaned clutching his arm "What was that for?" he questioned rubbing his arm   
  
"You such a dick!" Clarke snapped   
  
"For saying she looked good?"Jasper questioned confused still rubbing his arm "Just stating the truth her legs, wow!" He smirked looking at shifty brunette in front of him. "Im Jasper" he smiled holding his hand out to the brunette.   
  
"Lexa" She introduced herself taking his hand in her own.   
  
"Nice to meet you lexa" he smiles politely calming himself down after noticing her nerves and Clarke couldn't be more grateful. "Come on let's introduce you to the main bunch" he smile's urging her to follow. She looked to Clarke quickly for reassurance only to find the blue eye'd blonde smiling back with a nod, with that Lexa followed nervously behind jasper, and Clarke behind Lexa as they made there way outside.   
  
  
As Lexa is lead toward's a small group in the corner of the garden she already notices the familiar face's of the people who hang around with Clarke. The people she would walk class to class with, the people she would pass in the corridor and Clarke's boyfriend. She notices them laugh and joke unaware of her presence and it make's her that little bit more nervous, well that is until She feel's Clarke's hand slid in to her's once more giving it a reassuring squeeze.   
  
"Like seriously, thing's like that bother me!" Raven announced taking a swig of her drink while Bellamy just laughs at her shaking his head.  
  
"What's bothering you now?" Clarke questioned. The group all look up becoming aware of there presence, smile's all forming on there faces.  
  
"Clarke!!" Octavia beamed jumping up and shaking her arm's around Clarke's neck.  "Your late misses" She point's her finger naughtily with a grin on her face.   
  
"I like to make a entrance" Clarke smirk's before squeezing Lexa's hand once more letting her know it's going to be ok once more.  "So what's bothering raven this time?" Clarke questioned to curious not to ask again.   
  
"She just being stupid" Bellamy announces finally standing up and walking over to the blonde  
  
"No im not" Raven scoff's "It's a serious question actually, didn't see you answering it" she said matter of factly.   
  
"Anyone going to tell me or?" Clarke questioned still waiting.   
  
"If a smurf was to choke what colour would they go?" Raven questioned seriously as raven shook his head once more with a slightly laugh. Clarke giggled hearing the seriousness of Raven's voice knowing she wasn't joking one bit.   
  
"Told you" Bellamy pointed "idiot" He laughed.   
  
"Shut up" Raven snapped taking her drink once more. "Hi lexa" Raven added quickly acknowledging the brunette.  
  
"Hi" Lexa said letting the nerves quickly getting the better of her not expecting the quick introduction.   
  
"Come sit with me" Raven patted the chair beside her.   
  
"Oh i should warn you" Clarke smirked looking to raven and back to lexa "she is a little crazy, she talks to herself" Clarke teased.   
  
"I have to talk to myself actually because sometimes i need expert advice, and hanging with these idiot's just don't cut it" Raven piped up with a big smirk on her face still tapping the chair next to her "Sit" she ordered. Lexa released Clarke's hand nervously unwillingly as she was pulled forward by the Spanish brunette pushing her in the seat next to her.   
  
"Ah yes, with all those smurf question's bothering that brain of your's" Clarke mocked taking a seat opposite raven and Lexa. The blonde quickly diverted her gaze to Lexa giving her a soft reassuring smile making sure she was ok, lexa returned the smile.   
  
"MEH MEH MEH" raven mocked having nothing left to say.  
  
"Anyway, welcome to the group of idiot's" Clarke laughed Looking at her friend's "This is Bellamy, he's the snugly bear! so when you need a cuddle his your man!" Clarke smiled pointing at Bellamy as he nodded his head at lexa "This is Octavia, she is super hyper and giddy, up for anything so don't challenge her for god sake!" Clarke laughed as Octavia took it all as a compliment   
  
"Hi" Octavia smiled   
  
"This is Roan" Clarke continued pointing to her left "He is the charmer he will try anything to get in your pant's, don't let his face fool you" Clarke teased hoping lexa wouldn't allow that anyway.   
  
"My lady" Roan joked causing Lexa to smile   
  
"Jasper and raven are the genius's... Raven will come out with the weirdest thing's she cant hold her mouth, and she don't think before she speak's so ignore her, same with Jasper as you have already noticed with the trouser comment!" Clarke smiled softly "But there the best"   
  
"We really are" Raven added. Lexa could only laugh once more allowing the nerves to slowly fall away at the welcoming.   
  
"And this is fin" Clarke smiled softly at the boy at the end of the table, a smile lexa could only notice as a sad one, and Lexa wondered why. "His the heart of the group" she smiled looking at him with so much care "He can bring you up when your feeling down in a second, his loyal and protective of us all" She turned her gaze away from him looking back at lexa who was unable to tear her gaze from blue.   
  
"This is my little family" Clarke admitted "You will love either love them, or hate them" She finally spoke leaning back in her chair.   
  
"Here here" The group cheered taking a swig of there drink's once more.   
  
"You not drinking?" Raven questioned noticing her empty handed.   
  
"i don drink" Lexa said innocently. "Ive never tried" She admitted looking at all the shocked face's watch her accept for Clarke that is who only continued to smile at her sending her the continued comfort she needed to feel like she was going to be ok.  
  
"wow, you have to try it, like seriously, Bellamy get the girl a drink!" Raven ordered   
  
"She don't have to drink if she don't want to" Clarke interrupted quickly giving a reassuring smile to the brunette. "Only drink if you want to"   
  
The silence lingered for a moment as the group seem to accept this, they had already notice Lexa was nervous not only right not but at school walking around, in class and even on the field when they could see her she always looked like she was ready to vomit or scream when someone would start a conversation with her, other than Clarke or Costia that is, so the group allowed it not wanting to push, Clarke had already spoken to raven at school about Lexa and how shy she was, so she understood to calm down a little too.  
  
"One can't hurt. Can it?" Lexa questioned quietly.   
  
"One should be fine" Clarke reassured "let's go look what you want to drink shall we"   
  
The brunette stood and Followed Clarke's lead back in to the house and back in to the kitchen where Lexa let out a breath she didn't even know she was holding.   
"Your doing good" Clarke admitted   
  
"They seem, nice" Lexa admitted not expecting them to be how they were, when she sat with them she didn't feel like they had all eye's on her, judging her and making snigger's when she wasn't looking they seemed genuine and not as hyper as costia explained them to be, especially raven.   
  
"They are.. idiot's sometime's.. but nice" Clarke laughed looking at the liquor on the table "So we have beer, tequila, vodka, or rum"   
  
"What one do you think i should drink?" Lexa asked not sure which one to pick but knowing the blonde would know them all.   
  
"I would say beer, but that's not that nice, tequila can be a bit of a hardcore drink and so can rum, well so can vodka but out of all of them, i would have to say vodka" Clarke admitted "Ill make you one up with lemonade and make it weak so that you don't taste it to much ok?"   
  
"Ok" Lexa said twitching her lip while crossing her arm's across her chest, she was nervous, very nervous she had never had a drink before and now she was about to do it with stranger's. As much as Lexa didn't want to admit it the fact that Clarke was here with her made her more confident in trying the alcohol, she knew that the blonde would look after her without her even needing to confirm it, yet she didn't no why and didn't care to know. Everything about Clarke calmed and relaxed the brunette, she wasn't sure if it was the reassuring smile, or just the blue eye's that would make her pause for a moment, or it could just be the simple fact that Clarke has done nothing but care for Lexa since meeting her, she soothed her when she had nightmare's, she protected her against the bully in front of everyone and now she is introducing her to her 'family' with the beaming smile constantly fixated on Lexa. Her heart would warm every time and her finger's would begin to tingle, She had never had ting ally finger's before she met Clarke and she wasn't even sure what it was, but it felt good and Clarke seemed to be always around when it happened.   
  
"There" Clarke smiled turning around to face the brunette "Try that make sure it's not to strong" Clarke watched Lexa take a small swig from the glass not seeing ay part of her face crease up she took it as a good sign "like it?" She questioned.   
  
"Just taste like lemonade" Lexa admitted taking another swig   
  
"please remember it's not just lemonade" Clarke giggled "Dont want you drinking it like juice now do we" the blonde continued to smile and lexa smiled back like it was contagious.   
Green met blue and lexa's smile seemed to be on pause while looking at the blonde and she truly felt like she was going to have fun tonight, as long as Clarke was by her side.   
  
"Come on" Clarke smiled taking lexa's hand in her own and guiding her back to the group.   
  
///

The more Clarke watched Lexa the more she believed there were wrecking ball's in her brain messing with everything she thought she knew. Clarke found herself unable to tear her gaze away from the brunette, the more she drank she felt protective, the more she smiled Clarke could feel her body feel lighter and warm smiling with her and Clarke let her heart flutter every time she could see Lexa fiddling with the hem of her own top from being so nervous. Only Lexa had become more confident the more intoxicated she became, she hadn't drank alot but considering it was her first time it was more than enough. Lexa was still shy yet a small amount of confident seem to boom of her around this small group every now and again threw conversation and Clarke allowed her heart to flutter willingly while watching Lexa engrossed in a conversation with Raven. Clarke with the cup to her lip's a smile hidden behind it as her eye's traced down Lexa's strong jaw bone, she watched Lexa's dimple's appear as she smiled widely at something Raven said and her heart fluttered for the hundredth time that night just like that.   
  
"You couldn't be more obvious if you tried" Octavia spoke quietly. Clarke quickly snapped her gaze away not aware she had been staring for so long "And don't even try acting like you don't know what im talking about, you been starring at her for twenty minutes flat." Clarke looked up to her best friend there was no judgement there, the blonde looked to the rest of the group all engrossed in conversation with one another to hear there conversation.   
  
"You like her?" Octavia questioned looking to Lexa herself  
  
"I don't know" Clarke said honestly. "I just..." Clarke paused trying to find the correct word's to place it, to place the correct word that would describe the way Lexa would make her feel just by being around her "There's just something there" Clarke admitted "I can't explain it"  
  
"Are you in to girl's now then?" Octavia questioned taking a swig of her own drink before looking to Fin talking to Bellamy. "Is that why you ended thing's? You never did say why?" Clarke released a breath looking to her ex boyfriend herself, fin caught her gaze for a second and gave her a soft smile before continuing his conversation. She could still see the hurt in his eye's every time he looked at her, she hated it more than anything as he was just nice.   
  
"I don't know, maybe" Clarke admitted trying to come to term's herself with what this all meant. "She just draw's me in you know?" Octavia took Clarke in, she took in how he blonde eye's would drift to Lexa automatically, she watched her smile when ever Lexa would laugh or smile herself. Octavia knew the feeling to well she was drawn to Lincoln, Costia's brother but he was a little older and never gave her the time of day to actually be able to get to one another, that didn't stop the constant pull she felt toward's him.   
  
"Sometime's you just need to stop thinking about what it could be, what it can't be and just let it be what ever it become's" Octavia admitted "Sometime's the heart want's what it want's, there doesn't have to be reason's. Something are just there" Octavia expressed looking to Clarke then to Lexa once more. "Dont think about it, and just go with it"   
Clarke broke in to a soft smile listening to Octavia's words maybe she was right, all this thinking about what's going on, what's happening and how she is feeling was just fucking with her head.   
  
This was Lexa though, the girl who is already broken, the girl who is already shy, scared and timid. That was what was holding her back from exploring to the level she would like. She didn't want to hurt or scare Lexa any more that she already was, she would have to be careful and caring.   
  
"Game time guy's fill your drink's!" Bellamy announced standing up to head to the kitchen, most followed but Clarke, Lexa, Fin and Roan remained seated already having a full drink. Clarke looked to Lexa once more who was already taking a swig from her drink with a big grin on her face as she caught Clarke's gaze.   
"Hi" Clarke mouthed with no noise.   
  
"Hi" Lexa mouthed back. Clarke could see her eye's more hazed than before as the alcohol took it's effect along with Lexa's new found confidence amongst the group. Clarke nodded her head telling lexa silently to closer.  
  
"hi" Lexa repeated once more sitting down beside Clarke.   
  
"Hi" Clarke smiled more wider than she would have liked "Are you having fun?"   
  
"i Am" Lexa admitted "I like raven" She admitted  
  
"You do?"  
  
"i Do" Lexa confirmed confidently.   
  
"mm. suppose someone has too right?" Clarke joked making Lexa release a small giggle.   
  
"She is interesting"   
  
"she is rather peculiar, what's she been saying?" Clarke questioned eager to know what the Latina had been saying now.  
  
"she had some thing's that are bothering her" Lexa laughed remembering all the little question's Raven asked that annoyed her, not like any normal person at all.  
  
"oh no" Clarke laughed already remembering raven's annoyance at the most silliest thing's like why you use shampoo before conditioner, why was it important to do it that way? who told us to do it that way? would it matter if we condition then shampoo first. "i can only apologise for her" Clarke laughed   
  
"Dont i kind'a liked it" Lexa admitted "she didn't understand why pizza get delivered in a square box when there round" Lexa smirked "Which is a valid point" Clarke just shook her head in disbelieve at her best friend. Unbelievable.  "it annoy's her that people never draw fat stick men as well, she called it racist" If Clarke and Lexa wasn't laughing before they certainly was now.  
  
"Racist?" Clarke laughed "She is such a idiot, i take it back she isn't the brainy one" Lexa smirked remembering the word's Clarke had spoke of her best friend's in the group, the speech that made lexa feel warm and comfortable inside, although she hadn't experienced such a feeling for friend's maybe because she didn't really have any, but still Lexa's heart warmed for the blonde it made her proud in a way she couldn't describe that she had people that cared and loved for her in such a way, people that wasn't her parents.   
  
"i like you like this" Clarke breathed unexpectedly as she took the brunette in all her beauty, the smiling confident Lexa.   
  
"Like what?" Lexa questioned becoming a little nervous like a wall had come down.   
  
"Confident."Clarke admitted tracing the girl's features "It suit's you. You look beautiful"  
  
In that moment Clarke didn't care if she was stepping over a line, she didn't care if it made Lexa uncomfortable she just wanted to tell her, she needed to tell her how beautiful she was, with the smile on her face, her ease with her friends as she had banter. Clarke knew it was the alcohol that had gave her the new found confidence, but she didn't care. Lexa was just Beautiful. Lexa could just make her forget about everything going on around her, and she knew it, allowed it, and accepted it. Like Octavia said it is pointless to fight it, so Clarke wouldn't.   
"So do you" Lexa replied biting on her bottom lip. The girl's remained quiet for a moment just watching one another, and Clarke swore her heart had skipped more than one beat.   
  
Lexa had called her beautiful.   
  
Lexa.   
  
Clarke had heard a dozen time's she was beautiful from various people, but for some reason when Lexa just said it she felt her breathing pause, then start heavy again, her chest fluttered like she had just been dropped from a high building and her smile grew unable to tear her eye's from Lexa. Lexa was doing the same right back with a nervous smile.  
  
"Game time bitches!" Raven announced. The girl's both looked away now focusing on the small group appear ready to begin the drinking game that await's.   
  
"Right rule's are you say something you haven't done if you have done it you drink, the person with no drink left loses very simple!" Raven beamed "Ill go first" She grinned leaning back in her chair at the small group with a mischievous look. "I have never made out with a girl"   
  
The group fell silent, eye's scanning around the small circle to see who would drink.  
Bellamy drank, then Roan fin and Jasper.   
All eye's turned to Lexa who was rocking her head to the music echoing from the house while moving her lip's singing along but with no sound.   
"Have you kissed a girl?" Octavia questioned already knowing the answer.   
  
"Yes?" Lexa questioned confused.  
  
"Then drink my lovely!" Octavia giggled "Someone's on a buzz"   
  
"Sorry" Lexa muttered quickly taking a sip of her drink slightly embarrassed for not paying attention.   
  
"Bell your go" Raven laughed still shaking her head at the brunette beside her. "  
  
"Umm..I have never..heard my parents at it like rabbits!" He laughed eager to see who drink's.  
  
"Your sick" Clarke laughed taking a swig followed by jasper, Roan and Fin.   
  
"Oh Abby's a loud girl is she" Bellamy Laughed followed by the rest of the group. Clarke rolled her eye's er gaze landing on Lexa beside her a giggle behind her drink.   
  
"Don't know what your laughing about, you will hear it soon enough" Clarke stated matter of factly "And let me tell you now it is gross" Clarke pulled the most disgusted face remembering the time she walked downstairs to get a drink for bed and hearing her parent's in the living room going at it.  _So fucking Gross._  
  
"Papa G Is hot! Cant blame moma G like seriously!" Raven added as if it wasn't new's to anyone. "I would hit that!"   
  
"Raven!" Clarke spat "Can we not talk about my parent't! That is discussing!"  
  
"Moving on" Fin laughed "I Have never had a one night stand"   
  
Raven, Bellamy and Roan drank.  
  
"And these are the slut's of the group" Clarke introduced to Lexa trying to suppress her giggle.  
  
Clarke tried not to think about how comfortable she felt with Lexa and her friend's in this small group, she tried not to think how when she spoke she wanted to tell Lexa everything about her and the rest her friends and there life, she tried not to hope that this would be how it would be from now on, Lexa with her and this group. The way she was smiling and laughing when she was informed of something new about one of them, or when someone would drink at something godly, how her feet were tugged beneath her snuggled in to the garden chair as the warm winter air blew threw her brown Locks. Clarke was struggling to not fall harder and harder with Lexa the more the game continued the more she kept looking to Lexa, watching her no longer afraid to have a opinion, no longer afraid to talk and but in amongst the group as they laughed when Bellamy drank revealing he had been caught masturbating by his parent's.   
  
"What did your dad say?" Lexa questioned with her glazed eye's and pink cheeks.   
  
"he kinda just turned back around and turned back muttering 'not in here lad yeh,?"   
  
"That's so embarrassing" Octavia cringed needing to take a swig of her drink "Next question this one is grossing me out, fucking sit on that couch as well" The group roared of laughter at Octavia's disgusted face. It was Clarke's turn to ask, she had been thinking of a questioned she could use to her advantage and she hoped Lexa would drink.   
  
"I have never fantasised about someone in this group?" The silence fell amongst them once more as there eye's all scanned to one another.   
  
Raven Drank.  
  
Fin Drank.   
  
Jasper Drank.   
  
Octavia Drank.   
  
"Aren't you suppose to ask a question with something that you haven't done?" Lexa questioned   
  
Clarke drank.   
  
"My bad i forgot" Clarke lied.   
  
Lexa drank.   
  
"Ok were family you guy's are sick" Raven added.  
  
"You drank" Octavia laughed "But technically mine was a dream!"   
  
"Who was the lucky one?" Clarke questioned   
  
"Raven" Octavia laughed "You was rather good may i add"   
  
"Dont you know it" Raven winked before giggling "Mine was Bellamy when i first met him admittedly, that shit just aint normal now"  
  
"Charming as always!" Bellamy tried acting offended.    
  
"Mine's pretty obvious" Fin laughed looking to Clarke awkwardly.  
  
"Jasper who's your's?"  
  
"long Leg's over there" He grinned pointing to Lexa. Clarke had never snapped her head up so quickly. Jasper fantasying touching Lexa. What the fuck!  
  
"Me?" Lexa questioned her cheek's bright red and her body beginning to turn shy automatic.  
  
"Did you actually look in the mirror last week?" He questioned with a smirk "You were hot as hell, i think everyone did" He admitted  
  
"Here here" Roan added taking a swig of his drink with a laugh.  
  
_What the fuck?!_ Clarke felt her heart racing like she had for the millionth time that night when it came to Lexa, only this time it was one of the worst feeling's she felt, she was jealous. Jealous at the thought of people even thinking about touching Lexa, jealous at the thought people were looking at her in such a way. How dare they. Lexa was... was..single. The blonde lost her self in her thought's anger rushing threw her body but unable to say anything she had no right.   
  
"Who was yours Lexa?" Octavia questioned Hopeful for Clarke.   
  
"Sorry?" She questioned nervously now feeling Clarke's gaze set on her to waiting on a answear.  
  
"You drank. Who did you fantasise about?" Octavia questioned once more as the group waited for her answer, and Clarke hated it even more now that maybe other's were hoping she would say them.

"Umm.. well...i" The brunette's eye's flickered to one set of eye's to the other she could feel her body heat raise. _why did i drink!? I could have lied!  
  
"Spit it out" _ raven encouraged   
  
"It was..."  
  
A big smashing noice and raised voices echoed from the house causing the hole group to look up to see the disturbance.  
  
"What the fuck is going on?" Bellamy snapped quickly raising to his feet running in to his home followed by Fin Roan and Octavia.  
  
"They better not have smashed anything" Octavia huffed disappearing.  
  
"A party isn't a party without a fight" raven laughed drinking the remaining of her drink.   
  
"can i use the toilet?" Lexa questioned eager to get away   
  
"upstairs on the left" Clarke replied not forgetting for a second that Lexa never answered the question.  
  
///  
  
Clarke smiled, laughed and drank and most definitely was struggling to keep her eye's away from the brunette dancing now in the living room. They had all moved inside the light's were dimmed and there seem to be a disco in the front room and people playing beer pong in the kitchen. Clarke stood in between chatting with Raven and Octavia while stealing glimpses of Lexa trying to drunkenly dance with Roan.   
  
Fucking Roan.   
  
The hot piece of arse in school, with his stupid biceps and muscles in all the right places, handsome blue eye's and long hair. _Fuck he was handsome.  
_ Clarke wanted nothing more than to go over and tell him to sod of, and dance with Lexa herself but she seemed like she was enjoying his company as she laughed and smiled, he leaned in and whispered stuff in her ear, and she would just smile again.   
  
_Fuck it.  
  
_ "Ill be back in a minute" Clarke muttered quickly heading over to Roan and Lexa. Clarke watched as the smile quickly appeared on the brunette's lip's as she stood beside her  
  
"Hi Clarke" Lexa grinned drunkenly.   
  
"Hi" the blonde could feel  her goody grin already appear just by being near the brunette. "Roan the boy's are playing beer pong! Think there looking for another member!" Clarke lied  
  
"Excuse me lady's!" He politely excused himself flashing Lexa a wink before walking away.   
  
"His nice" Lexa admitted flinging her arm's around Clarke's neck "Are you going to show me how to dance now then?" She questioned tilting her head with a smirk. Clarke couldnt help but love this new confident, funny lexa. She was adorable in a whole other way and Clarke couldn't help but want to no everything about her.   
  
"Do you want me to teach you?" Clarke questioned unable to remove her smile. "although, your hips move perfectly on there own" the blonde admitted placing her hand's on Lexa's hip's while listening to the beat and guiding her with it, along with her own body. "A natural actually"   
  
The blonde closed her eye's taking the beat in and allowing the music to move her body accordingly, guiding lexa's along with her own. Music was a incredible piece of art in itself could make Clarke feel everything and everything from track to track, much like when she drew, but none of them quite made her feel the way she felt with Lexa tightly grinding against one another with her hand's gripping Lexa's hip's. Clarke moved her hand's from Lexa's hip's feeling her body moving on it's own and ran them at her body pushing up in to her hair until she felt her blonde lock's thread threw her finger's and drop to her shoulder's again as the beat picked up.   
Her eye's flickered back open catching a darker shade of green gazing in to her Blue, and her breath hitched and naturally pulled Lexa closer in to the dance.   
  
"You..Youj...i mean..Your dancing is.." The brunette stuttered unable to form word's at the sight and feel she just experiences against her. Clarke had become a map in her mind, she had never been able to read a map in her life and now all of a sudden Clarke had become her map, she wasn't sure if it was because when she was around her she felt safe or at home maybe? Or if it was the fact she knew she felt something for the blonde that she had never felt before and it confused her to say the least.  
  
"Thank's" Clarke grinned "Dancing can express so much" She admitted still grinding her bottom half with Lexa's more slower, and the blonde allowed the goose bump's to appear.   
  
"I need a wee...again" Lexa laughed knowing she had only just been  
  
"Broke the seal" Clarke laughed   
  
"the what now?" lexa questioned confused as they danced slowly with one another Lexa's arms draped over Clarke's shoulders as Clarke just giggled at the lack of information the girl know's at being drunk.  
  
"It's when you drank to much, once you go to the toilet once you need to keep going" The blonde giggled "Like yourself"   
  
"i am not drunk though" Lexa defended with cocked eyebrows  
  
"All drunk people say that too" Clarke laughed "Go toilet! Dont want to be dancing in a puddle now do we" Clarke grinned releasing her grip on Lexa.   
  
"that would be embarrassing"   
  
"it would"   
  
Clarke was officially grinning like a moron, the biggest, cheesiest shit eating grin she has ever had. Lexa was drunk and it was even more cuter that she was a huge talker when intoxicated with alcohol which happen to be funny, strange and extremely cute.   
  
"I feel a little blurry"   
  
"Just a little?" Clarke teased "Does that mean i look smoking hot yet?"   
  
"Your always smoking hot" Lexa laughed without hesitation thinking nothing of it, it was a fact. A fact that Clarke should obviously be aware of right? "Toilet" The brunette muttered finally releasing Clarke herself as she head to the toilet leaving Clarke a little more hot under the collar.   
For a few moment's clarke just stood there allowing all the event's of tonight to sink in, Lexa and her friend's Lexa and her dancing, lexa being all cute and confident, lexa calling her hot and beautiful in one night.

Then Clarke almost sobered up instantly following Lexa quickly to the bathroom as she remembered her saying she felt dizzy, so she had to make sure she was ok right? Well that's what the blonde told herself as admitting to wanting to be Close to lexa all night wasn't something Clarke wanted to admit just yet.  
  
 


	10. The Kiss.

**Lost And Insecure!**  
  
_**Chapter 10**_

 

Jake griffin had always raised his daughter to be confident happy and bubbly, she was the kind of girl who would stand up and sing on karaoke in front of stranger's with the same amount of confidence as someone who could sing like a angel, she would dance around the stage carefree, ignoring the odd person making little remarks in the corner and take pleasure in all the laughs, smiles and cheers. That was Clarke Abigail Griffin.  
What baffled the blonde more was, she could act silly in front of hundreds and not feel nervous in the slightest, yet the thought of knocking on the bathroom door with Lexa behind it made her petrified. She didn't know why, she only came to check to see if she was ok didn't she?  
Clarke wasn't sure how long she had been standing outside the bathroom going threw scenario's or thing's at what to say.   
_'_

 _Hi just thought id check on you'_ Nope. _'i just needed the loo'_ Nope.  
_'Didn't no you was up here?"_ Defiantly not. _'I just wanted to be near you'_ Not a chance in hell!   
  
Clarke knew she could have stood there all-day trying to think of something to say, but she knew none would be right, she should have just waited downstairs for Lexa, only now it was to late to turn back around so she took a breath and knocked once before entering ignoring the racing of her heart and her sweaty palm's telling her to just turn back around and go down stairs.

"Lexa" Clarke said upon entering, warning the girl in case she wasn't decent only when Clarke entered Lexa wasn't on the toilet she was leaning against the sink hand gripping both side's while looking in the mirror. "Hey..You ok?" Clarke asked concerned seeing the girl's reflection in the mirror.    
  
"Hi" Lexa replied softly looking to Clarke's reflection "Just a little dizzy" The brunette admitted with a dorky smile. Clarke took a few step's forward standing behind Lexa seeing both there reflection's in the mirror.   
  
"Good job i came to check on you then ay?" Clarke teased with a smirk on her face. "Look's like someone's turning in to a right alcoholic" Clarke joked releasing a small giggle.  
  
"Hardly, I've had three" Lexa rolled her eye's and Clarke released a small giggle as the brunette turned around stumbling slightly, the blonde placed her hand's on Lexa's hips keeping her steady.   
  
"easy there" Clarke smiled gripping the brunette tighter against the sink. "I think three is enough"   
  
"I feel fine" Lexa admitted "Just dizzy is all"   
  
"Sit down with me" Clarke asked pulling the brunette down to rest her back against the bath as Clarke did the same. They sat in silence for a moment Clarke couldn't take her eye's of the brunette, as if she was struggling to hold her head up yet she found it fascinating how her word's never slurred. Lexa was tipsy, feeling the edge of the drink slowly taking control of her body, her body more heavier, vision less Clear and she was speaking more confidently and blurting thing's out Clarke couldn't help but find cute.   
  
"Why are you looking after me?" Lexa questioned her blood shot green eye's scanning Clarke.   
  
"Why wouldn't i look after you?" Clarke questioned eager to get any information out of Lexa. She watched her shrug her shoulders letting her head tilt back against the bath as she looked straight on.   
  
"Im not one of you" Lexa admitted letting a small amount of vulnerability appear "You'r all popular, im just..Lexa"   
  
"I happen to like Lexa" Clarke admitted taking hold of the brunette's hand, and squeezing it gently.  Lexa smiled politely releasing a heavy breath, before looking at there finger's tangled in to one.   
  
"You make me feel safe" Lexa admitted after a moment of silence, squeezing Clarke's hand back before meeting Blue eye's once more. 

Lexa could feel her finger's tingling under the Blonde's grasp, something that had become a familiar feeling around the blonde, even when she wasn't touching her. They could just be talking or Lexa would find herself watching the blonde from afar, but her finger's always tingled. She had never had tingly finger's before meeting Clarke, but she took it as a good sign as Clarke made her feel safe. She was the girl who had done nothing but help her since arriving at the Griffin house hold, she had protected her from a bully, a panic attack, and now at night they would lay in bed with one another and she hadn't had a nightmare once since laying beside Clarke.   
The brunette wasn't blind she knew Clarke was more than beautiful, her features were absolutely incredible and Lexa had always knew deep down she was in to Girl's even if she never really did say it aloud to anyone, maybe that was because she didn't have anyone to say it to.   
  
"Im glad i make you feel that way" Clarke smiled taking in the brunette's spaced out face. "Where did you just go?" she questioned softly guiding her thumb back and forth on the back of Lexa's hand. Clarke wasn't sure if Lexa was just speaking because of the Alcohol or if she really meant it, but either way she stayed quiet for a moment to see if Lexa would continue as she looked lost in thought.  
  
"Oh. Nothing" Lexa smiled trying to push her thought's to the back of her head "The alcohol make's your brain tick" she grinned   
  
"It does" Clarke smiled "I should have warned you, i would say alcohol makes people tell the truth, but im not sure about you" Clarke teased.   
  
"Why?" Lexa questioned cocking her brow.   
  
"I asked if you were drunk and you said no." Clarke laughed "Which is obviously a lie."  
  
"Im fine"   
  
"Sure. Were just sitting on the bathroom floor to make our bum's numb and cold" The blonde smirked "Speaking of sitting down, should we try getting up? All the Fun's downstairs you know, as much as i love sitting with germ's"   
  
"shut up"Lexa mumbled nudging the brunette as she tried standing to her feet with Clarke quickly doing the same, gripping lexa as she lent forward to quickly. "Sorry" Lexa muttered gazing in to Clarke's blue eye's.   
  
The silence fell amongst both girl's as they both come to the realisation at how close they were, with Clarke's hand's gripping Lexa's hip's steadily. Clarke held the brunette closer there body's pressed up against one another. Clarke could feel Lexa's breathe on her face more unsteady than before as green eye's shifted down to Clarke's lips, her eye lids becoming heavy on them as she swallowed hard. Clarke watched it all as if in slow motion, Lexa's warm heavy breath, her eye's hooked on Clarke's lip's as her throat moved allowing herself to swallow harshly. Clarke felt her own body becoming hot, her mouth becoming dry at the sight of Lexa. Desperate to lean in but not really sure If that's what lexa wanted.   
  
"Lexa" Clarke breathed allowing her own eye's to drift down to the lips she had dreamt about on her own, the lip's that looked so delicate and plump. Her mind went blank, and everything went hazy as she could feel her own heart beat in her chest. Lexa never answered but she didn't move closer either. Instead her lip's parted in the slightest and Clarke was drawn in all over again wanting, needing to feel them. She moved closer like in slow motion, her eye's flickering to the destination she desire's to Lexa's green eye's allowing the brunette to stop her at any moment. That never came.  She watched Lexa's eye's flutter close when Her lip's were as close as they could be without touching, an that's all it took for the blonde to Close her eye's pressing her soft lip's against Lexa's. 

Clarke's stomach dropped and the oxygen was extracted from her body the second Lexa's lip's moved against her's. Clarke's eyes were already closed but they clamped together even tighter as her stomach was making her hole body feel weak and limp, unable to breath and before the kiss could heat up Clarke's hand had made it to Lexa's chest pushing her body away from her's softly only in the slightest enough for there lip's to part. Instantly Clarke inhaled a breathe, releasing it with a shaky breath unable to open her eye's. 

_What the fuck was that!?_

Her legs felt like they were ready to give out on her at any given moment as she inhaled sharply trying to steady her breathing. Clarke's mind was blank there were no word's forming in her mouth, all she could do was allow the rippling unfamiliar feeling to change everything in her, her stomach fluttering like crazy as if she was dropped of a 100ft building, her legs still feeling like jelly and her hand feeling Lexa's heart beat against the hand that still remained against Lexa's chest, Encouraging her to finally open er eye's. Clarke met green instantly, but they were no longer relaxed desirable hungry eye's, they were scared and timid once more. 

"im so sorry" Lexa muttered quickly "I shouldn't have.. i mean..Fuck" Lexa muttered pushing past the blonde and quickly disappeared out the bathroom and down the stairs.   
  
Clarke stood there froze, her body was unable to react to anything as the world shut off around her only thinking and feeling Lexa's lip's on her own as she raised her finger's brushing them over her own moist lip's. She was in shock. She had kissed Lexa and the brunette had managed to shut every natural body instinct in her to move, speak even think clearly, from just the touch of her lip's. Her stomach exploded again with butterfly's feeling the flutter like no other she had ever experienced before as she encountered the kiss in her head once more.   
  
Clarke wasn't sure how long she had stood in the bathroom froze with her finger's to her lip's tracing them slowly while starring in to nothing. She could only think of Lexa, Lexa's lips, Lexa's beating heart beat and the more baffling part of it all was her  own body's reaction not only the short effect's of the kiss but the long effect that she was still having unable to even move, or think properly.  
  
"Oh shit didnt realise someone was in here" Octavia blurted out clutching her hand to her chest "Scared me to death!" She announced eyeing the blonde standing there confused. "Are you ok?" Octavia questioned stepping closer to clarke. Only when Octavia touched Clarke's arm did she come back to reality and take in her surrounding's.  
  
"What?" Clarke mutted quickly clearing her throat.   
  
"Are you ok?" Octavia questioned once more more concerned.   
  
"Yeh" Clarke breathed shakking her head as if getting rid of the thought's, not that it worked or anything. "Can i use your bedroom for a minute?" Clarke questioned wanting the privacy think.   
  
"Of course"  
  
///  
  
  


Clarke had been pacing in Octavia's bedroom for a few minute's playing with her own hand's as she did so. There was three things that were now becoming Clear in Clarke's head as the time ticked by. One being She had never ever experienced a kiss quite like the one she just had with Lexa, never had her body been unable to form any movement or sound from just a touch of the lip's, hell with anything if she was honest. It scared her more than she would that she could begin to explain. Two being she wanted to kiss her again more than anything, the blonde had continued to curse herself over and over again at not stopping Lexa, for not pulling her back and kissing her quickly. They had only just kissed a moment ago but Clarke's mind was working over drive with all the way's she wished she just grabbed her, pushed her against anything and buried her tounge with the brunette's, just the thought of it was making her hot and bothered. Then there was number three that could also mix with a number four, Clarke could possibly be bisexual, infact i think that could possibly is a defiantly. Which then bring her to her biggest final thought of all, what the fuck did this all mean?   
Sure Clarke wanted to kiss her again, then again, and again, maybe never stop, but Lexa had quickly ran off apologising for something Clarke was sure she had done, not Lexa.  
why did she run off? Clarke's mind was going crazy and once more the wrecking ball was swinging wildy in her thought's making her forget everything she once knew as this certainly would change everything. 

"What's going on?" Octavia questioned entering the bedroom "Why are you so pale?"   
  
"Pale?" Clarke questioned quickly moving herself to look in the mirror. Octavia wasn't lieing Clarke looked like a ghost.  
  
"Have i missed something?" Octavia questioned placing herself on her bed as she watched the blonde begin to pace once more.   
  
"i think im gay" Clarke blurted out quickly. "Well..i don't know" she muttered playing with her own hand's, only stopping when she realised that was Lexa's nervous habit. "I just kissed Lexa" the blonde admitted only stopping to look at octavia's eye's widening and a grin quickly following.  
  
"You did what!? When!?"   
  
"In the bathroom, she was drunk and, she was dizzy" The blonde rambled "Then we kissed" releasing a huff Clarke placed her bum next to octavia "Then she ran out"   
Clarke felt defeated, on one hand she felt like her body was buzzing from the kiss, then on the other everything felt to much and fast as she was processing kissing a girl, and now coming to the conclusion maybe, just maybe she has a crush. Maybe.   
  
"What was it like?" Octavia questioned softly.   
  
"I can't even explain it" Clarke breathed honestly. She couldn't but it didn't stop her trying. "it felt like she withdrew apart of me" Clarke admitted as her mind went back to her unable to speak no matter how much she wanted to say something or move for that matter. "She took my breath away"   
  
"Do you want to do it again?" Octavia questioned looking at the blonde curiously.   
  
"i dont know..i think i do" Clarke eventually admitted. Lexa was all that consumed her mind. "I don't know what this mean's. Does it mean im in to girl's now? Am i gay? is that what i am? Lexa, i dont know, she kinda..argh" The blonde huffed in frustration trying to find the right word's.   
  
"Who say's it has to mean anything right now?" Octavia questioned taking Clarke's hand in her own "Your over thinking, Your trying to break it down peice by peice to understand it yet i dont understand why" Octavia admitted.   
  
"What do you mean?"   
  
"What im saying is, why cant it just be what ever it is? Why are you trying to put it in a catagory, who care's if you like girl's or boy's, so what maybe your not sure what you think or feel right now. But who say's you need to know right now?" Octavia questioned. "Let it find it's own place"   
Clarke sat there in silence for a while listening to the Younger Blake before squeezing her hand, and as if that was the word's Clarke needed to hear right now her smile appeared willingly and all the worry and fear vanished. Octavia was right, this was new, extremely new she didn't need to label what she was or what it meant right now, she needed to find Lexa.   
  
"I Love you" Clarke admitted throwing her arm's around Octavia's neck hugging her tightly. 

"I love you two" Octavia laughed 

"Excuse me" Clarke smiled breaking apart "But i need to find Lexa."  
  
  
///  
  
The blonde had never scanned her eye's so quickly as she moved room to room in search for Lexa, she was desperate to find green eye's in the crowd somewhere but that never came, the disappointment that shown threw her frown was undeniable and she could feel her heart clenching the more she searched and failed.   
  
"Roan where's lexa?" she questioned interrupting the boy's playing a drinking game.   
  
"Haven't seen her" He admitted focusing back on the bottle spinning on the table as it Landed on Fin. Clarke tuned out after that, her eye's turning around to scan the room once more.   
  
"She told me she was going home" Raven shouted over the music enough for Clarke to hear   
  
"What? When?" Clarke gushed a little faster that she liked.  "She's drunk, you let her leave?"   
  
"She said costia was picking her up or something?" Raven questioned "I Dont know, she was going to wait on the porch"   
  
Clarke quickly turned around heading to the front door as fast as she could, only when she opened it  she was met with No lexa.   
She was gone.   
  
Her heart clenched tighter just thinking about Costia.   
The brunette who Lexa had already shared a kiss with just the week before.   
"Idiot" The blonde muttered to herself cursing her body for not being able to have pulled Lexa back and kissed her.   
Clarke needed to go home, she wanted to go home.   
The unsettling feeling in the pit of her stomach was making her angry, and she just needed to see lexa.   
 

**Ok guy's thats a short chapter i apologise! But needed that out there, next one will be long i promise.  
** **i know there are alot of un answeared questions in this so far, but i promise they all will be answered :)  
** **Was wondering if you wanted one in Lexa's pov a little more or are you happy how it is :)**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank's for all the lovely comment's on chapter 9!  
> They were incredible, this chapter however is a little shorter but needed it out the way :)
> 
> spoilers for next chapter : Anya is introduced, Clarke goes rushing home, Clarke get's jealous :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clark Rushes home :)

**Lost And Insecure!**

 

Lexa was six year's old when she started shielding herself from the world around her. The young brunette never expected all the pain and heart ache, her mother had passed away and she felt it deeply. Every heart string she owned was pulled at, every tear she had she shed, she tried clutching on to anything at such a young age, anything that would make her smile, anything that could make her feel warm and fuzzy like her mother always did when she would kiss her and tell her she loved her no matter what. Only when Lexa expected to see her father and give her a cuddle and a kiss she wasn't allowed a older woman had told her that daddy had done a bad thing, what that was she didn't know at the time. So Lexa ended up in the system with many other children she didn't stand out any more than the rest, they were all lost causes, some would explain them as troubled, some the unfortunate and some would treat them as if they were so much less of a person. A lot more pain and heart ache followed for many year's and her wall's never faltered, they saved her humanity time and time again, they saved her from ending it all and throwing in the towel.   
Only now Lexa was vulnerable, more vulnerable than normal as her wall's crumbled beneath her. She wasn't sure how long it had took them to fall and despite her fighting against it they fell quickly and willingly when Clarke Griffin entered her life. Her wall's had finally failed her for a blonde, blue eyed girl. She would be lieing if she said she didn't feel it slowly happening the more time she spent with Clarke, and the more her mind seemed to consume of nothing more than them blue eye's.   
She had kissed Clarke and now she was running, trying desperately to shut her emotions off, as she watched the street light's threw the car window.   
  
"Want to talk about it?" Costia questioned after a long silence. That's what Lexa loved about Costia, other than she was clearly her only friend, Costia accepted her anyway she choose. If she wanted silence then Costia would understand, she never pushed, she never judged she was just there always with a smile and gentle touch.   
  
"No" The brunette muttered still keeping her eye's transfixed on the passing street light's watching them pass one by one.   
  
"ok" Costia smiled turning the steering wheel.  
  
"Thank you for picking me up" Lexa finally spoke sincerely.   
  
"Your welcome." Costia smiled softly eyeing the brunette before turning back to watch the road. "You can call me any time" Costia reached over and gripped Lexa's hand in her own squeezing it gently. "Although, im a little worried" She admitted twitching her lip to the side "Did they upset you?"   
  
"No" Lexa admitted "They were actually really nice" Lexa fiddled with her Jean pocket watching her own action's as the night's event replayed in her head. "I like raven" Costia giggled a little.   
  
"Out of all the people you like, you choose the one person who is the loudest, most hyper and never shut's up" Costia giggled "You never fail to shock me"   
  
"Dont you like her?"   
  
"No. No i do, Raven is what you could call a legend, im Just surprised is all. Your just the exact opposite, shy quiet and calm." Costia smirked. The silence fell amongst the girl's once more and as always it was comfortable. Lexa always loved that it never felt awkward with Costia, after spending every single lunch break together for the past two week's, along with sharing most classes together they had grew Closer together, well as close as Lexa's walls allowed her to.  
  
"Here we are" Costia pulled the car to a stop looking at the griffin house hold before back to Lexa. "If you need anything just call ok?" She questioned squeezing Lexa hand once more. Lexa only nodded before Costia leaned forward and placed a kiss on the brunette's cheek.   
  
"See you on Monday?" Costia questioned as Lexa exited the car.   
  
"Monday" Lexa confirmed with a smile before waving her off.   
  
///  
  
  
Clarke. Clarke. Clarke.   
  
Her mind was consumed and intoxicated by the blonde and the kiss they had briefly shared. She tossed and she turned repeatedly beneath the bed sheet's desperate to rid the memory but failing massively, as all she could feel on her lip's were Clarke's. Lexa never opened up to anyone and she never planned on letting Clarke see even the glimmer of vulnerability in herself, but when Clarke had marched in to the toilets at school while Lexa was having a panic attack Lexa clung on to Clarke's every word as she guided her back to normal. Ever since then Clarke continued to knock Lexa's wall down brick by brick.   
Lexa let out a frustrated huff pushing her quilt back as she sat up straight staring at Clarke's bed, the bed she grew familiar with every night as she would lay beside Clarke clutching the blonde's top tightly in her fist as she slept peacefully beside her.   
Lexa decided to moved herself in to Clarke's bed instantly smelling the blonde's scent on the pillow. She flickered her eye's closed in a final bid to rid the thought of there earlier kiss but with no luck. Instead she felt like she was reliving the moment with Clarke's scent filling her nostril's, remembering the moment Clarke's lip's touched her own and in that moment, she felt alive.  
The wall's vanished around her, and all she felt she needed was Clarke, but then Clarke's hand raised against her chest pushing there lip's apart gently.  
Then it was over. Yet Lexa didn't want it to be over.  
Not only was Clarke not here, but her wall was gone.   
Finally accepting that Sleep was not her friend right now, she grabbed her book from beneath her own pillow climbed back in to Clarke's bed and Started writing in her book, the book that held all her secrets, desires, dreams and nightmares.   
  
//

 

It had took Clarke over a hour and half to get home, Raven had refused her to be allowed to just walk home and demanded she Called a Taxi or stay the night as everyone was to drunk to drive. Clarke couldn't stay though, she just couldn't, her mind was racing a 100mph with everything she needed to do, everything she needed to say to Lexa so instead she waited it out for a taxi, and of course the taxi company would be busy when the blonde was in a rush.  
All that time Clarke had time to think while waiting didn't really matter, because from the second she entered her home pushed the front door closed her mind went blank. For the third time tonight she had no idea what she was going to say or do. The longer the blonde stood outside the bedroom the more she got nervous, what did she really want to happen? What would it mean if she did what she desired to do.   
  
When Clarke finally pushed the bedroom door open she stood froze. Lexa was standing in her Pyjamas, she seemed to be pushing something back under her own pillow in the darkened room, completely oblivious to the blonde's presence. 

"I tried to find you" Clarke spoke softly careful not to startle the girl but failed as Lexa spun around instantly. Clarke smiled awkwardly but it quickly faded as she took nervous step's closer to Lexa. "Why did you leave?" Clarke questioned taking the final step leaving little space between them.   
  
"I was dizzy" Lexa lied. Everything about her screamed nervous, her eyes her smile the way she stood not so straight, the way her hand's clasped behind her back quickly to fiddle with the other hand's finger's. All she wanted to do was go to sleep, bury herself under the quilt cover and never discuss what happened again.   
  
"I would have come with you" Clarke admitted taking one more step closer leaving little if any space between them, Lexa stepped back almost at the same time, hitting her bedside cabinet behind her, her eye's now filling with fear with nowhere to move or escape there close proximity.   
  
"Clarke" Lexa breathed in warning now gripping at the cabinet behind her. Clarke was to close as she ignored Lexa's step back and moved that little bit closer. "Please" Lexa pleaded the blonde to hear her warning. Wanting, needing her to step back. Of course the blonde ignored searching Lexa's eyes while reaching her hand to Lexa's Gripping at it tightly.   
  
"We kissed"  Clarke's eye's continued to search Lexa's. She could see her nerves clearer than she ever had before but Clarke couldn't just leave it as it was, she left there almost kiss and nothing had come from it, all she had was the ache for Lexa's lips more than ever, and the continued questions that seemed to multiply after.   
  
"That wasn't suppose to happen" Lexa barely whispered as she ducked her head in embarrassment.  
  
Lexa was grateful for the silence that followed, her finger's were tingling and her heartbeat felt like it was ready to jump out of her chest. She was more confused then she had ever been in her life, but she didn't dare ask the questions she had, she couldn't even look up and see Clarke, the girl who was holding her hand and still remained standing to close. She wanted to ask why she looked for her? Why she had came home? Why was she talking about something that could just be forgotten? She had apologised what more could she want? The biggest question of all that floated in Lexa's head was Why did she feel like it was so right but wrong at the same time? 

"Lexa"   
  
Lexa wished more than anything her wall's would just rebuild. The sound of Clarke's voice so soft and sweet, but the nerve's cut threw it like a knife so Lexa finally dared herself to look up, unable to deny the blonde comfort if needed. She had seen Clarke nervous around her a few time's but she was always normally so confident and happy so when Her name left Clarke's mouth with a sharp shaky edge she felt the pull at her chest.  
  
"Why didn't you push me away?" Clarke questioned with shaky word's her eye's looking deep in to green. Lexa was caught of guard not sure how to answer a question that would not stand in her corner. Clarke had given her every opportunity to stop leaning in and capturing her lip's Lexa knew this, yet she didn't stop her, she didn't want to stop her. The closer Clarke got to her lip's the more her mind started going blank and all she could see Was Clarke's lips.   
Lexa remained quiet while staring at Clarke, she could see the blonde pleading for her to answer but the longer Lexa left it Clarke's hope faded. The blonde released Lexa's hand and Lexa couldn't help but feel disappointed, she wanted to grab Clarke's hand once more and just stand there in silence looking at one another.  Only when Clarke moved closer placing her hand on Lexa's cheek instead Green searched Blue and Lexa knew Clarke wasn't done yet. 

"Push me away" Clarke dared. The blonde's chest was already breathing rapidly as she Held Lexa's face in her palm "Push me away" She repeated flickering her eye's to Lexa's lips before fixating them back on Green. Lexa's eye's copied as she cursed herself for not being strong enough, for losing the battle with her own body as her eye's slowly trailed the blonde's lip's in front of her. Clarke leaned in much like the time before, slowly and painfully. Her eye's flickering to Lexa's and back to her lip's repeatedly, she could Feel lexa's breath and the warmth radiating from her body.   
  
"Stop me kissing you" Clarke whispered unable to move her eye's from Lexa's delicate plump lip's. Clarke knew Lexa wasn't a talker, she knew she was nervous and she knew her question's were being left unanswered, so instead she choose to use action, giving Lexa every opportunity to stop her as she slowly approached her lip's, hoping she wouldn't.   
  
She didn't.  

  
Clarke pressed her lip's to Lexa's her eyes closing naturally as her stomach flipped over and over again a feeling Clarke thought was incredible. When Lexa's lip's began moving against Clarke's, the blonde was unable to suppress the moan that erupted threw her throat, her body was on fire and the ache for more intensified. She needed more. Clarke resisted every urge in her body to fasten the kiss, to turn it more heated and press harder in to Lexa's body not wanting to ruin it. There lip's moved in a slow sync against one another with Clarke pressing her body more in to Lexa's wanting to keep the kiss soft and sweet. When Lexa released the cutest soft moan from her lip's Clarke broke the kiss immediately resting her forehead on Lexa's. She wanted nothing more than to kiss the girl again after hearing such noise escape the brunette, but it was the reason she had to part as the sound spoke to her body the second she heard it. Clarke flickered her eye's open catching soft curious green looking back.

"Hi" she whispered allowing the smile to spread across her lips.   
  
"Hi" Lexa whispered back. The silence fell amongst the girl's none sure what to say or how to say it instead they just gazed at one another for a little while Lexa more nervous, while Clarke was unable to remove the wide smile on her lip's while biting on her. She had her answer even if no word's were spoken between them, Lexa never stopped her kissing her for the second time.   
  
"We should sleep" Clarke finally spoke after a long time just looking at one another Lexa's back still against the cupboard and Clarke still pressed up against the brunette. "Come on" Clarke pulled over to her bed and Lexa allowed her to, like every other night Lexa slept with Clarke clutching her top tightly as Clarke snaked her arm protectively over her.   
  
There was so many unspoken word's between them, so much that needed to be spoke about, but for now Clarke didn't care, Lexa was in her bed clutching her top while falling asleep, and they had now shared two kisses in one night, one of which Clarke asked Lexa to stop her, and didn't.   
The blonde fell asleep with a smile on her face that night, she pushed the questions to the back of her head, the if's and the what's and the why's and focused just on what had happened instead.   
  
///

 

When morning came Clarke didn't no what made her get out of bed so quick, was it the whiff of bacon she got as she woke, or the fact that Lexa was no longer beside her sleeping peacefully as she normally would be. She got her answer when she made her way downstairs quickly entering the kitchen to see Lexa and Jake cooking bacon Roll's.  
  
"Morning kido" Jake grinned looking over his shoulder as Lexa did the same. Feeling her heart flutter once more when there eye's met.   
  
"Morning" She smiled finally looking up to her dad before making her way over to the fridge.   
  
"Im not sure i can do this long distance relationship thing any more" Clarke breathed wrapping her arm around the fridge. "Fridge. Your coming with me to my room" Clarke stated while arm's tightening as if trying to lift the fridge giving up rather quickly. "On Second thought's Dad can make me bacon" She grinned placing her bum on the kitchen stall with pleading eye's.  
  
"Did you just talk to the fridge?" Lexa questioned curiously furrowing her brows. Jake laughed tossing the bacon over.   
  
"i did" Clarke smiled "we have a long distance relationship"   
  
"Meaning Clarke is to lazy to walk downstairs to get food!" Jake piped up rolling his eye's at his daughter. "She asked me and abby to put a fridge in her room once as it would be easier" Jake laughed remembering the conversation, ending in a very strict no. Lexa released a small giggle, and Clarke's heart warmed. Despite the unspoken word's and the not knowing  what's now going on between them, she couldn't help but feel she could get use to waking up to this, with Lexa cooking breakfast and smiling at Clarke's silly story's.   
  
"Well excuse me for not wanting to catch my parent's eating each other's face off when i decide i'm hungry threw the night"   
  
"Well someone shouldn't be eating threw the night" Jake added smirking at his daughter's comment   
  
"There is a light in the fridge for a reason my friend" Clarke stated matter of factly, never taking her eye's of Lexa as she sat next to her at the breakfast table.   
  
"Do you want this bacon or not?" Jake teased turning around trying to suppress his grin. "Or should i put it in the bin?"   
  
"No. No. No. Food" Clarke ordered instantly shutting up, but knowing she had got the better of her dad with a smug smile.   
  
She watched her father move around the kitchen Cleaning up, all while keeping a careful eye on Lexa beside her. She wanted to reach out and touch her, to hold her hand or kiss her lip's but she couldn't while her dad was in here. She wasn't entirely sure what this meant for the two girl's or if it would change thing's, but it still didn't change the fact that Clarke desperately wanted to Lean in and place her lip's on Lexa's the hole time she was eating.   
  
"Righ't im off to Get changed!" Jake announced patting his hand's dry on the back of his Jean's "Oh and Clarke, Your cousin will be staying with us for the week"   
  
"What?" Clarke questioned snapping her head in her father's direction "She is staying here?!"   
  
"She is" Jake laughed "Try to keep her out of trouble" He pleaded thinking about his naughty niece.   
  
"When's she coming?" Clarke questioned more excitedly.   
  
"Should be here by tonight" Jake replied leaving the kitchen.   
  
"Your cousin?" Lexa questioned with her soft soothing voice.   
  
"Anya" Clarke smiled "I am going to apologise for her now" Clarke laughed "She is a little...forward"   
  
"Forward?"   
  
"A little like raven, Only older and..well..a big of a bad ass and a crazy flirt!"   
  
"Oh" Lexa tried not to show the nervousness she was feeling, she had only just gotten use to the griffin's and just about managed to be able to be comfortable around them, and now there was the hole kissing Clarke that had made her more nervous than before, she wasn't sure if she could come with another Griffin in the house, one of which who would be like raven, the exact opposite to Lexa.   
  
"Hey" Clarke smiled placing her hand on Lexa's and squeezing it gently. "Morning" Clarke whispered turning around in her seat   
  
"Morning" Lexa repeated her body relaxing a little more.   
  
"i Was hoping we could spend the day together?" Clarke questioned. "Ii don't know, we could go pick our Halloween costume's? As it's quickly approaching" Clarke questioned more nervously biting on her lip.   
  
"i Dont really like Halloween" Lexa admitted.   
  
"Well maybe we can change that? Our school allow's us to wear our costume's for the day, and they do a small carnival with maze's, it will be fun" The blonde eye'd the brunette for a while fiddling with her finger's with her own as if Clarke was catching on to Lexa's little habit herself.  
  
"How about you can pick my costume and i pick your's?" Clarke questioned hoping Lexa would agree.   
  
"Ok" Lexa said nervously biting the inner of her lip.  
  
  
////  
  
  
Despite the urge to kiss Lexa a number of time's that morning, she never did. The didn't speak of the event's that had happened the night before, but Clarke certainly wasn't going to let it just be pushed under the rug and forgot about. She understood Lexa was more vulnerable than most and she certainly didn't want to scare her, push her or make her feel uncomfortable, so instead she planned the day filled with nothing but Lexa, giving them the time to get to no one another with there unspoken word's hanging over them.   
  
"So do you get it?" Clarke questioned starting the engine.   
  
"I think so? guess the name of the singer first and you get  to ask a question?"   
  
"Exactly it's simple"   
  
Clarke knew Lexa wouldn't just open up and share everything about herself so instead she had thought of a game, when the radio came on and the song would change song to song you had to guess the name of the Artist before the other to gain a point, with each point you win a question.   
  
"Ok ready?" Clarke questioned turning the radio on as she set on her journey. Lexa nodded feeling a smile creep across her face, she wasn't sure if it was the fact she knew she would win this game, with her obsession with music and her loving to sing, or that she felt completely comfortable around Clarke even after kissing her, Clarke wasn't horrible she didn't shout at her, she wasn't disgusted and she treated her no different. If anything Clarke's eye's were softer then before.  
  
"Taylor swift" Lexa quickly blurted out beating Clarke by second's, the smirk that grew on Lexa's face was undeniable and Clarke loved it.   
  
"Just" Clarke grinned "What's your question?"   
  
"what's your favourite holiday?" Lexa questioned curiously.   
  
"That's easy, Christmas. I love the feeling, the snow, the cold air, just everything when your sitting around the fire place with your family all in one house, it's just... i don't know..comforting" Clarke admitted smiling as Taylor swift played threw the speaker's both patiently waiting on the next song.  "What's your's?"   
  
"You haven't earned a question" Lexa teased Leaning her head against the car window  
  
"ouch" Clarke laughed "Fair play" the silence fell amongst them for a moment until the song changed.   
  
"Black eyed pea's" Lexa blurted out quickly from just hearing the instrument's.  
  
"Really!" Clarke huffed.   
  
"What do you want to do when you leave school?" Lexa questioned.   
  
"i've got my heart set on Polis, medical school"   
  
"You want to be a doctor like your mum?"   
  
"I do" Clarke smiled "I go to the hospital sometime's and i see all the cancer patient's, there are so many children they don't deserve such a thing" Clarke paused for a moment not wanting to let her mind get distracted and allow the pain to seep threw. "I'ts nice just to play with them and make them smile" Clarke admitted.  
  
"That's sweet" Lexa said softly with the most sincere smile "I think that's a incredible thing to do"   
  
"It is" Clarke admitted. "The script" Clarke quickly added hearing the change of song.   
  
"That wasn't fair"   
  
"hey, not my fault your two slow" Clarke laughed. "What's your favourite holiday?"   
  
"I don't really have one" Lexa admitted  
  
"Everyone had one"   
  
"I don't"   
  
"Why?" Clarke questioned "Bonfire night? Halloween? Christmas? Birthday? New year?" Clarke spoke as if reminding there was so many, But the brunette just shook her head.  
  
"I've never been and watched fire work's" Lexa admitted shyly. "I never really celebrated any"   
  
"What?" Clarke questioned confused. "Never?"  
  
"When i was Younger i did" Lexa admitted innocently "but when i.." Lexa began to stutter her word's becoming nervous at speaking of her past. She had never spoke about it with one one before, no one other than her therapist that she use to have that is.   
She felt a soft hand cover her own and squeeze it gently.   
  
"You don't have to tell me" Clarke said softly while gripping Lexa's hand even tighter for reassurance.   
  
"I use to celebrate them all with my mum, then when she passed away i was in the system, and ever since.. i just been lost" Lexa admitted.   
  
Clarke wanted to speak, she wanted to tell lexa that she was sorry to hear of her mum, along with wanting to dig deeper and learn everything about Lexa, but she let the silence linger in the car after that. Lexa had struggled with just saying that, so instead she allowed Lexa to reveal all in her own time when ever she would be ready, if she would ever be ready.   
  
///  
  
Lexa had never experienced something quite like this, the way Clarke would smile and nudge her side when they were engrossed in a conversation, the way Clarke would grip her hand tightly pulling her from shop to shop as they tried every different outfit on. The brunette never had friend's, she never had money either so shopping and eating lunch in a shopping mall was something completely new to her, the way the cashier would smile at you asking how your day is after buying something from there shop, the way shopper's would rush around and rush to the cue's before they became to long. Everything about shopping made Lexa smile, the small stuff and the big stuff. A drunk man sitting on a chair trying to get up and move had the girl's giggling as they passed along with many other's. She heard countless people getting annoyed with people they were with, demanding them just to try it on, Kid's crying while there parent's the pram walking of in front of them, clearly embarrassed by there child's behaviour in public. This was new territory and Lexa loved every second of it, wanting to experience it all.  
  
"i can't wear this Clarke" Lexa tried covering herself in front of the mirror, even if she was safly hidden behind the curtain of the changing room. "I Look ridiculous"  
  
"i doubt that" Clarke smiled biting on her lip waiting on Lexa to exit the changing room "Let me see"  
  
"I think i'll just get changed" Lexa stated beginning to reach for her normal clothes.  
  
"Don't you dare" Clarke announced "I let you choose mine so im choosing you's...Let's see" Clarke demanded with a playful tone. They fell silent for a moment as Clarke stood facing the curtain Lexa was behind and like clock work Lexa pulled the curtain back and stepped out.  
  
Clarke's eye's trailed extremely slow down Lexa's body, the smile dropping from her lip's and her eye's becoming heavy on the sight infront of her.   
  
"Wow" Clarke breathed biting on her own lip. She cursed her terrible vocabulary when Lexa was around only able to form terrible word's or none at all.   
  
"I look silly." She stated shyly wrapping her arm's around her stomach and chest.   
  
"Lexa." Clarke breathed stepping closer sliding her finger's between lexa's pulling her arm's away stopping her from covering up. "You look.. Incredible." Clarke admitted racking her eye's over the brunette once more "I have never seen anyone suit Lara Croft quite like you" Clarke's eyes were unable to stop them self trailing once more the short's tightly clinging to Lexa's leg's. Straps pulled tightly around Her thigh's with gun's slotted in the holder's. Complimented by Lexa's combat boot's and a black vest clung tightly to her chest.   
  
"you look incredible" Clarke whispered capturing green with her blue. Releasing a unsteady breath at the sight in front of her. All the urge's Clarke had stopped herself from doing all day, had suddenly felt impossible allowing her eye's to flicker to the lip's she desperately wanted to capture right now.   
  
"I really want to kiss you" Clarke whispered still holding Lexa's hands. Lexa never said a word but from the look in her eye's, the look lexa had last night twice She was going to let her. Clarke leaned in ready to capture the brunette's lip's with her own.   
  
"Lexa!" A Voice shouted causing the girl's to spring apart "is that you?" The girl said getting closer eyeing Lexa's outfit up.   
  
"Costia" Lexa smiled at the brunette caring lot's of bag's.  
  
"I Thought it was you!" She announced placing her bag's on the ground "Well look at you" She grinned moving closer to Lexa as Clarke placed her bum on the chair near them feeling her heart drop as Costia gripped Lexa's hand with her own pulling at it while looking at her in amazement.   
  
"You look amazing" Costia admitted with the most genuine smile on her face.  
  
"Thank's" Lexa smiled.   
  
Clarke couldn't help but notice how lexa wasn't nervous around Costia, how she took her compliments, held her hand willingly and didn't shrink under Costia's eye. The blonde was unable to stop the burning feeling in her chest as she sat in silence, watching lexa smile and laugh with costia engrossed in a conversation Clarke stopped listening to, her jealousy was raging threw her body with every smile, every laugh, every touch. She knew she had no right.   
  
"i've updated my ipod" Costia laughed "Just for you!"   
  
"About time" Lexa teased "Your song's were terrible"   
  
"were not" she objected   
  
"Um. Anyway. Should we get going?" Clarke questioned her tone cold and distant as she stood up to interrupt the girl's, feeling as if her day had been ruined by Costia, even thought the brunette hadn't really done anything wrong.   
  
"Um. Yes. Ok." Lexa replied a little confused at the cold tone "See you at school" Lexa smiled   
  
//  
  
Clarke couldn't work out why she was jealous, or why she even felt like she had the right to be. Lexa was not her possession nor did she want her to be, but Clarke hated seeing Costia around Lexa, when ever she seen them together they always seemed carefree and relaxed, Lexa seemed like she got Lost with Costia, and she tried to ignore the jealousy she held even more since last night when Lexa had choose to ring costia, she had choose costia to help her escape Clarke.  
  
"Are you ok?" Lexa questioned more nervously entering the house. The drive home had been quiet and Lexa was baffled, she had no idea what had caused Clarke to change her mood or if she had done something wrong.   
  
"Fine" Clarke plastered a fake smile on her face making her way up the stair's closely followed by Lexa.   
  
"Have i done something wrong?" Lexa questioned entering there bedroom.   
  
The second the door shut behind them Clarke spun around pushing her lip's to Lexa's until her back softly collided with the back of the door. The kiss caught Lexa by surprised not expecting it in the slightest causing her to push Clarke back Quickly finding Clarke's blue eye's. Clarke stepped forward once more taking Lexa's lips in her own and this time Lexa allowed it feeling the blonde's lip's move against her more aggressively to start with, before slowing it down in to a more passionate kiss. Clarke's hand cupped Lexa's cheek in her palm as she released a moan brushing her tongue against Lexa's lip asking for entrance.   
Lexa granted access Pushing her tongue back against Clarke's. Before the kiss could get two heated there lip's parted.   
  
"im jealous" Clarke hummed "im sorry, i have no right to be" Clarke admitted pulling away from Lexa completely. " I need some air" Clarke pulled the door open and quickly disappeared down the stair's leaving Lexa alone.  
  
Lexa was struggling to wrap her head around the even't within the last 24hrs one minute her and Clarke were fine, the next they was kissing in a bathroom, then Clarke had come home after her and kissed her again, and then she nearly kissed her in the shop. Lexa expected Clarke to wake up and just erase the event's from her memory and forget all about Little old Lexa. But she hadn't, infact she had tried kissing her again. Lexa felt overwhelmed as she sank in to her bed trying to understand what the hell wa going on.  
Did this mean Clarke liked her? She was Jealous?  
  
//  
  
Clarke rushed downstairs needing to talk to someone, anyone about this deciding on going to the Blake's she needed to speak to Octavia. She pulled the front door open immedially pausing in her footstep's.  
  
"Anya!" She grinned   
  
"What's up squirt!" She smirked stepping in the house  
  
  
**_Would love to hear from you!! :)_**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a stressful chapter! Urgh! i need a break!!
> 
> Just want to explain something quick.
> 
> i hope you bare with me for a little while as Lexa is not use to normal emotion, she isnt normal to normal day to day stuff everyone would do as she had nothing and no one, there for she isnt the best at reading people... You will understand more of lexa as time goes on, for those that think she isnt feeling much or a little cold... :)


	12. Unable to resist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More of a filter :) But needed some bit's added, of course there is cute Clexa stuff!

**Lost And Insecure!  
**

 

Second's, that's all it took for Anya to settle in dropping her bag by the stair's, coat slung over the couch and shoe's kicked of by the door before making her way in to the kitchen rummaging threw the fridge till she find's what she want's. Clarke could only watch and roll her eye's at the strawberry blonde as she placed herself on the kitchen stall watching Anya wrap her lip's around a carton of Orange juice before jumping up on the kitchen counter.   
  
"so" Anya announced finally satisfied and ready to speak. "What's up with that?" she questioned tilting her lip's.   
  
"What?" Clarke questioned confused.   
  
"That" Anya circled her finger in mid-air at Clarke "Your face"   
  
"What's wrong with it?" Clarke furrowed her brow's in confusion while touching at her own face.   
  
"i kinda want to slap it" Anya admitted.  
  
"lovely as ever i see"   
  
"So can i slap it?" Anya questioned eagerly.   
  
"No Anya. You can not slap my face."   
  
"Bummer" Anya signed "So what's up you miserable git?"   
  
"Nothing's up, why would you think there's something up?" Clarke questioned instantly trying to make herself look ok with her back straight and frown straightening out.   
  
"Seriously. Do you want that slap we were just talking about?"   
  
"Anya!"   
  
"Clarke?"   
  
"Seriously!"   
  
"I Am being serious"   
  
"Your impossible"   
  
"I'll take that as a compliment"   
  
"It's not" Clarke huffed  
  
"To late, compliment accepted." Anya grinned proudly watching her cousin slouch back on the chair again with a mighty huff "Relax porky im playing with you, always so serious"  
  
"Please don't call me that" Clarke whined   
  
"What? Porky?" Anya laughed "Yeh good luck with that one my lovely"   
  
"I hate it" Clarke huffed once more at her annoying cousin. "You came here just to annoy me?"   
  
"it's what i live for" Anya winked teasingly as Clarke just shake's her head. "Any who! As much as i am enjoying winding you up, and like seriously i really enjoy that, like really"  
  
"Anya."  
  
"Ok. Ok. What's actually up?" The tone changing completely in her voice as she move's herself to sit by Clarke.   
  
"What make's you think there's something wrong?"   
  
"Porky" Anya say's softly pushing Clarke's fallen hair out of her face, her tone more soft and sincere "Your eye's are your weakness, they give you away" Anya admitted eyeing the blonde carefully as she looks to her hand's and back to anya, seeming to accept that answer.   
  
"How did you know you was in to girl's?" Clarke questioned careful fixing her gaze back on her hand's. Anya was unable to move her gaze from the blonde shocked by the question but not showing it in the slightest.   
  
"I was attracted to woman more than men" Anya smiled "to be honest, i kinda just knew, i had more of a desire to kiss a girl instead of a bloke, it kind of just clicked after that. Why are you asking me that?"  
  
The atmosphere felt heavy and thick, almost as if Clarke could suffocate Anya was barely serious but on the odd occasion she was, it was always a moment in which it was needed, a moment like right now. This could be a breaking point in Clarke's life, a discovery she hasn't yet discovered about herself that could change her life.   
  
"i don't feel that toward's girl's" Clarke barely spoke as she sat all shy and timid lost in her own mind that was doing nothing to help her out. Anya remained quiet waiting on Clarke to carry on, to finish what she started, the second's ticked and the minute's passed, just as Anya was ready to give up and speak once more Clarke spoke up.   
  
"It's just one girl" Clarke admitted "When im not with her, i think about her"  
  
"Who is it?" Anya questioned hoping she would know of this girl.   
  
"That doesn't matter, please keep this between us"   
  
"of course"   
  
Clarke remained seated at the kitchen table for a few more moment's while anya eyed her suspiciously, she knew there was word's she should and could speak to her baby cousin, she knew she could give Clarke the gay speech about love is love who care's stop being so worried and scared, but she didn't. Anya remained quiet watching her cousin get lost in her own thought's leaving her to figure it out for herself but holding back the urge to demand to know who this girl is, but judging by Clarke's face it wouldn't be long until she would know.   
  
"What's that noise?" Anya questioned after a long silence looking to the ceiling as if it was going to answer the question for her.  Clarke followed suit and looked to the ceiling hearing the music playing from upstairs.   
  
"oh that's lexa" Clarke said casually looking back down.  
  
"Lexa? As in the foster kid"  
  
"Yes" Clarke stood from her seat heading toward's the fridge herself to get a drink.   
  
"i have to meet her!" Anya grinned quickly bouncing of her chair and toward's the stair's.   
  
"Anya!" Clarke shouted trying to stop her with no luck, anya was already  near the top of the stair's.   
  
\----  
  
Lexa was laid on the floor eye's closed as she blocked the world out with music, music helped her think, it helped her discover more thing's about herself than she could ever possibly discover with no music at all. The brunette had never had music fail her in a attempt to clear her mind of any negativity, or anything in general. She would usually drift of with the beat finding her voice and her chest would tighten with every word she sang with the passion in every lyrics she sang. Unfortunately with every lyric that left the speaker her mind would wonder to nothing but the blonde who had ran off from her, the blonde who dared her two push her away but couldn't. Lexa was confused, not of her sexuality as that had always been something she was sure about, but Clarke. She made her feel so light and carefree when ever she was around, she made her feel safe and secure instead of someone that had always been lost with no one but her self to turn to. Only now, there was Clarke with her beautiful blue eye's and peachy lip's filling Lexa's closed eye lid's and the more she denied wanting to kiss Clarke the more she thought about it. Music had kept her fighting for her life threw out her miserable existence, it put a end to all thought's of her taking her own life and made her cling on to it instead, helping and making her believe there is better in this world than what she had she just had to believe it would get better. Music was now failing her thought with Clarke, maybe Clarke was her 'better.'  
  
"Is there a reason your laying on the floor instead of the bed?"   
  
Lexa immediately snapped her eye's open following the sound of the voice to meet a completely stranger staring at her with a smirk on her face leaning against the door frame. She quickly gathered herself to her feet instantly crossing her arm's across her chest tightly and just like that Lexa went from being at her most comfortable to uncomfortable standing in her own bedroom.   
  
"sorry" Lexa mumbled looking down as if she had done something wrong. Anya eyed the girl curiously as she watched her change from carefree to more tense than a plank of wood.   
  
"For what? Laying down? Dont be" Anya smiled softly trying to help the girl relax as it made her more on edge. "Your lexa?" she questioned As she watched the brunette nod. "Im Anya"   
  
"Anya" Lexa repeated as if the name had clicked in her brain "Clarke's cousin?"   
  
"Oh good, you have heard how brilliant i am then, thought i was going to have to blow my own trumpet then" Anya laughed stepping further in the room. Lexa smiled listening to Anya's witty tone, but she still remained quiet not feeling comfortable with a stranger.   
  
"So do you lay on the floor alot?" Anya teased touching a few thing's resting on Clarke's bedside cabinet.   
  
"Just to listen to music sometime's"   
  
"Can't you do that on your bed?" Anya questioned with a soft smile on her lip's she was teasing, not to much but enough, she didn't fail to notice how uncomfortable Lexa seemed to be.   
  
"I feel more grounded on the floor" Lexa admitted rapidly fiddling with the hem of her top the more she spoke.   
  
"I suppose that would make sense, as your on the ground" Anya giggled "I like to lay like this myself" Anya placed her back on the ground lifting her feet bending them over the bed. "try it" Anya requested. Lexa stood staring for a moment watching Anya close her eye's with ease bouncing her leg's making the springs of the mattress bounce them more. Then Lexa copied beside the dark blonde.  
Something about Anya made this scenario not awkward in the slightest, as they lay side by side with one another listening to the music bouncing the leg's on the mattress. Not words were spoken after that, as the both laid side by side listening to the music bursting from the speaker's. Anya singing quietly to herself and Lexa to shy to sing.   
  
"Sorry i can't sing" Anya laughed noticing she barely stopped to catch a breath.   
  
"Your singing's fine" Lexa lied with the sweetest smile on her lip's  
  
"Oh lieing now, i like it! Keep complementing me" She teased nudging a shoulder against Lexa's playfully.  _"but it feel's so good! So good!"_ Anya sang not phased that Lexa was watching her with a big grin on her face trying to stifle a giggle, everything about Anya reminded Lexa Of Clarke, the same confidence, the same softness and instantly Anya had put Lexa at ease with a silly suggestion of laying on the floor beside her instantly making her forget how silly she felt originally being caught on the floor.   
  
"I like your playlist, abit of mix and match" Anya acknowledged after listening from song to song.   
  
"What are you two doing?" Came a familiar voice both girl's knew as they both snapped there head to a very confused Blonde.   
  
"Chilling" Anya shrugged looking back to the ceiling bopping her leg and Lexa cursed herself for not being able to play it cool like anya when she had asked the same question herself.   
  
"on the floor?" Clarke questioned  
  
"We like feeling grounded don't we Lexa?" Anya questioned looking to the brunette who nodded in agreement but unable to stop her smile on her lip's, as Anya had copied her statement.   
  
"Ok" Clarke replied dragging the 'K' out, not sure what else to say. "dad's home!" Clarke finally informed. Anya snapped her head up quickly   
  
"He is?" she questioned already to her feet excited to see her hilarious favourite uncle!   
  
"Front room" Clarke shouted to the dark blonde who had already  made it halfway down the hallway.   
  
When Clarke turned back to Lexa her smile softened in the cutest of way's as she made her way over to lay beside the brunette the same position Anya was just laying with shoulder's touching.   
  
"Sorry about her" Clarke apologised turning her head to face Lexa.   
  
"I like her" Lexa admitted "She's like you" Lexa admitted with her shy voice still intact.   
  
"We are nothing alike!" Clarke scoffed remembering all the crazy shit her cousin does, how on earth could lexa come to that conclusion baffled the blonde. "I'm sorry i walked off" Clarke apologised the sincerity of it evident in her tone. Lexa never tore her gaze from Clarke there eye's met after admiring one another's feature's and the room felt as if it was deathly silent again, a feeling Clarke had come familiar with when ever the brunette was around, the world spaced out and all she saw was Lexa.   
  
"Why did you walk of?" Lexa questioned feeling braver than usual having Clarke look at her that way.  
  
"You scare me" Clarke whispered after a moment of hesitation. Clarke slid her finger's between Lexa's gripping her hand tightly and resting it between the both of them, she wasn't sure if she was ready to have this conversation yet, to confess how much she thought of Lexa, how much lexa scared her to death, how much she craved to be around her to protect and hold her. Clarke just wasn't ready to say any more just yet, so she was glad of the no response. "I won't run again" Clarke promised as she looked deep in to green. Lexa had already had to many people leave, she didn't want to be one of them no matter what they were to one another.   
  
Green eye's were like nothing Clarke had ever looked in before the green was unique and pure, yet soft and masked at the same time. Every time Clarke looked in them she felt she learnt something new about Lexa, she felt like she discovered a new emotion and Lexa reaction from them, she watched the glimmer and sparkle in her eye the longer they laid looking at one another. Clarke had noticed the change in them from first meeting Lexa, they were nervousness and shy, unable to stay focused on the blonde for longer than a second, but now lexa was able to look her in the eye with out faltering, she loved that more than anything, the confidence. Clarke couldn't deny the ache inside her body any longer as she slowly leaned in, painfully slow like she had before giving Lexa the opportunity to stop her in her path at any point. Clarke was taking a risk, the door was wide open and anyone could walk past and see but she didn't care, she couldn't think straight with Lexa's lip's right in front of her. Clarke raised her other hand cupping Lexa's cheek bringing her closer slowly to her own lip's, Clarke could only smile as there lip's touched once more with Lexa willingly kissing her back, just as eager at the blonde.   
  
They were a cute mess on the floor holding one another's hand, Clarke cupping her cheek holding her close as there tongue's collided with one another, the kiss was slow, and tender there tongue's pushing against one another with such passion Clarke felt her body heat up instantly, her belly dropping while Lexa's finger's were tingling like a new sensation. The moan's that left Lexa's mouth were setting Clarke's body on fire. There body's were screaming to carry on, but there mind's were telling them they needed to stop, to part away, because Clarke was struggling with every body urge she ever had to not climb on top of Lexa, and kiss her harder and deeper, to push her top over her head and reveal her beautiful body. Clarke just wanted to Explode Lexa every inch, but Clarke knew she couldn't do that, she couldn't scare Lexa.   
When there lip's parted Clarke's eyes remained closed while lexa's eyes darted open like every other time quickly scanning Clarke's face with panic, panic that she would laugh, panic that it was a mistake, panic that it ruined everything. What Clarke didn't know was Clarke scared Lexa two. Scared that Clarke would finally see Lexa for what she is, a down and out nobody.  
  
///  
  
  
The griffin house hold felt fuller than ever before to Lexa. Anya was the only difference but Lexa had come to realise Anya was very loud over the dinner table as she teased her aunty and uncle. How she would tuck her leg's under her bum while eating her dinner, munching on her food like she had no care in the world. Lexa found her fascinating and funny and as much as she was like Clarke, she also was nothing like Clarke. Anya had made her feel at ease so easily, maybe even quicker than what Clarke did, and how she spoke to Lexa was soft and caring much like Clarke also, but while sitting at the dinner table Anya was someone entirely different.   
  
"So where am i sleeping?" Anya questioned   
  
"You can have the couch, or bunk with Clarke" Jake replied. Lexa's eyes darted up quickly to Clarke who Looked at Lexa also, they both slept with one another every night, it helped lexa, comforted her and her nightmare's had gone away.   
  
"Come on uncle Jake! You and me both no i am not sleeping on that couch!" she smirked "I've heart the naughties you get up to with doc here!" She laughed looking to Abby and jake with a knowing look. Of course Clarke had told her cousin about catching her parent's at it on the couch.   
  
"ok. Let's clear up" Abby quickly changed the topic rolling her eye's at her smirking husband, of course he didn't care he was a man.   
  
"Look's like your bunking with me blonde" Anya smirked "Try not to fart in your sleep this time" Anya teased biting at her chicken leg.   
  
"I do not fart in my sleep!" Clarke quickly objected looking to anya and to lexa her cheek's already going bright red in embarrassment.   
  
"You really do...they stink of egg. It's disgusting" anya scrunched up her face as if she was going to be sick at the thought.  
  
"I do not!" Clarke almost shouted across the table. "I do not fare in my sleep" Clarke stated looking to Lexa as if that information was only important to her.   
  
"Ooook!" Jake stood up laughing "Movie night kid's Living room 5 Minute's, no more fart talk thank you"   
  
"Well i won't say any more, cant say the same about Clarke's but thought, noisy thing that is!" Anya smirked taking one last bite of her chicken before standing up and clearing her plate.  
  
"I do not fart in my sleep" Clarke explained to Lexa, but Lexa could only laugh while beginning to clear her own plate.  
  
"Oh and Lexa" Abby added quickly coming back in to the room "Do you mind if i speak with you for a moment?" She questioned. Lexa instantly panicked.   
  
"yes, ok" Lexa stuttered while clearing her plate. did she do something wrong? Were they sending her back? She didn't want to go back.   
  
//  
  
She followed Abby in to the front room, with her arm's crossed over her chest like it was her shield and ready to protect her from the conversation about to be had.   
  
"Dont look so worried" Abby smiled genuinely "Come on take a seat" she smiled patting on the couch beside her.   
  
"Have i done something wrong?" Lexa questioned timidly.  
  
"Of course not" Abby reassured. "I just wanted to see how you'r getting on now that you settled in more" Abby questioned placing her hand on the girl's knee in reassurance. Lexa felt like she could breath again in the room, the worry slowly lifting of her shoulders and fading away.   
  
"i like it here" Lexa admitted with a genuine smile. "You have a lovely family"   
  
"Thank you" Abby smiled releasing a little giggle "Bit quirky though" Abby admitted "But lovely all the same. How is school now? Clarke said you had trouble at the beginning?"   
  
"i did" Lexa admitted a little embarrassed at having to admit she had been bullied. "Clarke she stopped that" Lexa felt extremely small, she couldn't even defend herself against a bully, she had someone else do her dirty work, only now discussing it out loud did she feel embarrassed.   
  
"She did?" Abby smiled proudly of her daughter, but not failing to notice lexa's shifty mood. "It's ok to ask for help sometime's" Abby assured "We cant do everything on our own" she squeezed Lexa's knee gently in reassurance. "I Actually have something else for you" Abby admitted standing to her feet and pulling out a card.   
  
"This is a bank card, sometime's me and jake aren't always around as our job's are a little high maintenance" Abby said apologetic "Clarke has one of her own, there is a monthly limit on it of what you may spend but if you need anything clothe's food ect then you use this" Abby smiled handing over the card.   
  
"Thank you" Lexa said shocked "But i cant take this, what you do is more than enough" Lexa pushed the card back in abby's direction.   
  
"Lexa" Abby said softly taking her hand in her own "You are apart of this family now, you may not be my daughter, but i will care for you like i do Clarke" She spoke softly squeezing the brunette's hand. "Clarke has one and so do you, you will both be treated no different from the other, it's not alot but it's enough to be able to go out and have fun with your friend's with out needing to ask us for money"  
  
Lexa didnt no what to say, she had never felt so shocked nor grateful in her life, no one had ever treated her as a equal in any foster home, Some barely treated her as anything at all, But here Abby Griffin was sitting in front of her telling her she is exactly that. A equal and a part of her family. She was stunned. Unable to even say or explain the thing's Abby had triggered inside her. Instead she wrapped her arm's tightly around abby and gave her a cuddle. A cuddle to express her appreciation, a cuddle to express the emotion running threw her body at being treated as someone, a cuddle that allowed her tear to fall willingly down her face with no wall protecting her.   
  
"Thank you" She mumbled in Abby's neck, and Abby knew it wasn't just the card she was saying thank you for, it was for accepting her in to her family for being herself.   
  
"Your very welcome" Abby mumbled back holding the girl tightly till she was ready to let go.   
  
///  
  
  
Everyone Gathered in the living room with Blanket's and popcorn waiting on Jake to pick the movie, Clarke was  sitting by Lexa blanket thrown over them, Anya's legs threw over abby's lap ignoring the fact that's where Jake was going to sit as she threw a blanket over her auntie and herself, Lexa and Clarke just laughed at the oblivious dark blonde.   
  
"Are you ok?" Clarke whispered not failing to notice the tear stained eye's Lexa had when she left a conversation with Abby   
  
"Fine" Lexa reassured with the cutest smile. Without warning a piece of popcorn hit Clarke on the forehead just as she about to get lost in Lexa.   
  
"10 Point's togryffindor" Anya cheered punching her fist in the air.   
  
"slytherin more like" Clarke growled throwing the popcorn back.   
  
"Urh No. Were griffin's mate, so it fit's"   
  
"No. Your a slytherin!" Clarke teased   
  
"Why am i slytherin?"   
  
"Your more of a snake"   
  
"Why you littl..."  
  
"Girls!" Jake stated firmly but playful written all over his face, her was defiantly one to enjoy there banter.   
  
"She stated it" Clarke mumbled turning back to a giggling lexa, which just happen to make her smile instantly. "What you laughing at? You want to be a slytherin as well?" Clarke teased knowing Lexa was anything but a slytherin with her cute dorky shy way's.  
  
"You calling me a snake?" Lexa questioned with raised brow's   
  
"Gryffindor it is" Clarke smiled biting her lip unable to tear her eye's away even when Jake started the movie and switched the light of, the reflection of the telly only made Lexa's eyes more noticeable. Lexa tried focusing on the film, but with the blonde not even hiding the fact she was looking at her, lexa found it hard to focus.  
"What?" Lexa mouthed silently.   
  
"Nothing" Clarke whispered finally turning her gaze back to the screen. It was anything but nothing. Lexa slid her finger's between Clarke's hidden under the blanket, and Clarke had the biggest shit eating grin of her life, because up until this moment Lexa had never initiated anything, but she just did.   
  
The movie played to the end, and Clarke was thankful no one asked her her opinion on it as she didn't have a clue what it was called or what was happening, the only thing she could focus on was Lexa's hand and her thumb moving back and forth, she lent her weight against Lexa's side and every single tiny part of her body was on fire. Her smile had been plastered on her face threw out the whole movie she was full of giddiness and excitement and all she wanted to do was capture Lexa's lips with her own, but she couldn't.   
  
  
  
//  
  
  
When it came to bed time, Clarke's smile was long gone as she laid side by side with her cousin while Lexa was in her own bed alone. Clarke's mind was unable to rest, unable to allow her eye lid's to fall close and fall asleep like she had her whole life before lexa. Only now it was proving impossible, the couldn't see Lexa as Anya laid on the edge of the bed And Clarke against the wall so Anya's big head was in the way, and Clarke cursed her for it. She jut wanted to look, even if she couldn't touch but she couldn't even do that, so her frustration's grew the more she tossed and turned in the small bed. It wasn't nearly as comfortable when Clarke Lay's with Lexa. They just fitted between one another, where there was space Lexa would fit and there body's just moulded naturally together. Anya was asleep, fast asleep, snoring like a pig asleep, the nick name porky would have suited her alot better, Clarke thought.   
Unable to sleep and the frustration's getting the better of her, Clarke decided to risk it as she slowly edged out of bed, slowly stepping over Anya not wanting to wake her and explain what she was doing. The second her body was firmly on the ground and in the clear she lift her gaze to a very cute tired looking Lexa with a smile on her face, and Clarke's heart fluttered and her belly dropped.   
Instead of Laying beside Lexa she crawled on top of her, hand's holding her up with side along with her knee's.  
  
"What are you doing to me?" Clarke whispered looking down at the beautiful sleepy brunette. "I can't sleep without you" she admitted knowing her confession's could ruin thing's, scare lexa even, but Clarke was struggling to keep her feelings in with every flutter and stomach drop. Lexa looked up at Clarke in awe, she two could not sleep with out the blonde, and had spent the last hour staring at Anya's head wishing she was staring at Clarke. She was falling for Clarke, she knew it, so when Clarke leaned down to capture Lexa's lip's, lexa's head lifted of the pillow slightly to capture them a little quicker just as eager as the blonde. She wanted the gap closed, she wanted to feel Clarke's lip's on her own, she missed them even thought she had only recently experienced them. There body's mingled together, there tongues pushed against one another, Clarke's hand's finding Lexa's brown locks's as the air in there lung's slowly disappeared, they took less than a second to catch there breath once more as there lip's parted before quickly attaching them together again. This kiss was different from the other, it wasnt a kiss where they were confirming it was ok with the other, it wasn't a kiss with Alcohol in there system, it wasn't a kiss where Clarke felt guilty for leaving and needing to feel her. It was a kiss both girl's wanted equally, a kiss they both couldn't stop thinking about, a kiss that drop every inch of there body insane to the point Clarke had to stop herself from grinding down On lexa. It was a kiss of want and passion, and emotion's. It was a kiss that continued threw the night needing nothing more, but each others lip's on one another, because what ever both of them felt, what ever both girl's were confused about, this felt right, and neither of them wanted to stop as they moaned quietly in to one another's mouth, As Clarke gently bit, and nibbled on Lexa's lip being the more confident one but not wanting to take it any further.   
They fell asleep together that night, entangled in one another, with smile's on there face's letting the confusion and the worry vanish, They just held one another even tighter.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**Hope you enjoyed the chapter guy's! Just want to say thank you to all the people that have commented on the last chapter, alot of new people that haven't before! :) So hi to all the new ones! Hope you continue to enjoy the story and i hope i continue to hear from you! :)**  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank's for all the Kudos and Comment's and Everything Else!! :)
> 
> Spoilers for next chapter!! :)
> 
> Clarke struggled to control her jealousy of Costia, And Murphy returned back in the picture! What will he do to poor lexa this time?


	13. Chapter 13

**Lost And Insecure!**

  
  
Seventeen years and Clarke had never woken up in the morning feeling light, fresh and happy. Clarke was anything but a morning person, she preferred to sleep her weekends away only waking up in the afternoon to get ready and go out. Yet today it was different, extremely different. As her eye's flickered open in to the darkened room she immediately caught sight of the beautiful girl cuddled up to her sleeping peacefully, and Clarke smiled. She wasn't sure how long she had been sitting there smiling at Lexa's sleeping features, but she could feel her jaw and cheek's ache, she could feel the giddiness that seemed to flow threw her body when ever Lexa was near or holding her. She had never felt more happy and safe in someone's arms before.   
Lexa had always woken up before Clarke and had normally already made her way downstairs for breakfast, or got showered and changed before the blonde could even shift in bed, but today Clarke thanked all the heaven's and all the God's that she got to wake up to this. Lexa's hand wrapped firmly around Clarke's top as if her grip never loosened even when she slept, her long brown lock's sprawled across the pillow, with Lexa's lip's slightly parted as she breathed softly, with every exhale the cold air would hit Clarke's neck, that alone sent goose bumps all down the blonde's body.   
Clarke felt Lexa had a hold of her somehow, a hold that kept pulling her closer and closer, and the closer she got the more she struggled to push her thoughts, and feelings away. She enjoyed kissing Lexa, she enjoyed touching Lexa, she took pleasure and pride in making the brunette smile, she didn't care if the brunette was laughing at her, or along with her as long as Lexa smiled it made Clarke's heart warm.   
It took every ounce of self-restraint for the blonde to not move her hand and touch Lexa, to slide her fingers threw Lexa's long brown lock's, or to glide her thumb over her cheek, even glide her finger over them dry parted lip's. As much as she wanted to feel Lexa under her finger tip's she didn't want to wake her but she also knew she needed to get up and move back to her own bed before Anya woke up with a million and one questions.  
Clarke started to slowly try and shift out of the bed without waking Lexa, but the more she moved the tighter Lexa tightened her fist around the blonde's top.  
"Where are you going?" Lexa whispered with wide eye's as if she was never asleep. Only when Clarke caught green eye's with her own she could see the panic and worry suffice, she looked small and timid once more, and Clarke hated herself for trying to move in the first place.  
  
"Morning" Clarke whispered with the sweetest smile in hope to rid the panic the brunette now holds. When Lexa didn't respond only watching Clarke with timid eye's and her hand never loosening her grip on the blonde's top Clarke decided to try again with something that works when she had nightmare's. She raised her hand to Lexa's and wrapped it tightly around gliding her thumb back and forth as she stares into her gorgeous green eye's.   
  
"You're beautiful when you sleep" Clarke whispered. It was a confession that held nothing but the truth, a confession that revealed exactly what Clarke had been doing for the last twenty minutes, it was a confession Clarke wasn't afraid to admit. Green eye's softened and Lexa grip loosened but remained still holding on.  
  
"Where were you going?" Lexa repeated shyer. Her eyes scanned Clarke's still needing to know the answer, and Clarke could have melted at how soft and timid Lexa looked, she wanted to wrap her up and never let go.   
  
"Anya will wake soon" Clarke admitted looking over to the dark blonde still snoring loudly. "I was just getting back in my own bed, before she woke" Clarke's hand moved from Lexa's and started guiding her thump across the brunette's cheek as the remaining of her finger's pushed into Lexa's hair slightly.   
  
"Ok" Lexa whispered her body relaxing, hand unclasping and eye's softening. Clarke watched the relieve flow threw Lexa only realising how tense Lexa had become when she finally relaxed, and it made Clarke's heart tighten, and she wasn't sure if it was in a good way.   
They remained silent for a few moments just looking at one another while Clarke touched Lexa in soothingly in one way or another.  
  
"i should move before she wake's up" Clarke whispered once more waiting on Lexa to allow her easy access to move before she made any movement, it took all Clarke's willpower to pull back the quilt cover and slide her body out of bed, all while Lexa's eyes were watching every movement with disappointment, but understanding. Then just like that Clarke was laying beside someone else in her own bed feeling as if she was bare and cold. Unable to sleep with the girl she wanted to be sleeping with was in a separate bed.  
  
\--  
  
Clarke would happily admit that waiting for Anya to wake up felt like the longest wait of her life, but finally, Anya was slowly beginning to stir slapping her lips together as she yawned.   
  
"Porky" Anya spoke without opening her eye's "I need food. Make me food" She groaned burying herself deeper into the pillow facing Clarke.   
  
"Make your own food" Clarke rolled her eye's at her sleepy cousin, Anya had Clarke written all over her in the mornings. "You'r-"   
  
"Shush" Anya huffed covering Clarke's mouth quickly. "Your breath is disgusting" She announced less than subtle as she turned her face in disgust, needing fresh air. "What you clean your bloody teeth with, the toilet brush?" Anya questioned turning her body completely in the direction of Lexa's bed. "Morning Lex" Anya grumbled quickly before closing her eye's once more.   
  
"My breath does not stink" Clarke announced feeling the embarrassment rise in her cheek's. Well, she hoped it didn't, she spoke to Lexa this morning.   
  
"are you kidding me?" Anya grunted "I Wasn't sure if I should offer you a mint or some toilet paper" Anya voice disgusted. "Go clean your teeth, you tramp."  
  
The blonde just gawked at Anya for a moment, hating her cousin more with every second she seemed to embarrass her in front of Lexa. Clarke quickly took a quick glance at the brunette in the opposite bed and she had the biggest grin, almost as if she was suppressing a giggle as Clarke and Anya's exchange of words.   
  
"My breath does not smell" She objected. This time mainly only to Lexa.  
  
"does" Anya interrupted. "Save your self Lexa, she has death breath" Lexa unable to suppress her giggle any more, tried covering her mouth with the quilt, but despite Clarke's embarrassment, she loved seeing it, she loved being able to look at Lexa in bed giggling at something that Clarke did, or something Anya was clearly lying about, Lexa would have said something surely or at least pulled a face when Clarke spoke to her this morning.  _Wouldn't she?_  
  
With a hard shove using her hand's and feet Clarke pushed Anya off the bed and on to the ground with a thud hitting the floor dragging the quilt with her.   
  
"Clarke!!" She screeched "I could have broken something?"  
  
"Did you?" Clarke questioned tugging the quilt away from Anya and back to her bed and herself with a shit-eating grin.   
  
"No"  
  
"Maybe next time" Clarke whined but hopeful in her next attempt. "Find your own bed" Clarke smiled proudly, watching Anya groan on the floor never stopping once until she made it to her feet.   
  
"Was getting up anyway" Anya shrugged as she headed out the bedroom. "Not over porky" She warned pointedly before disappearing from the bedroom. Immediately the blonde snuggled down in her bed turning to Lexa smiling beautifully. 

 --  
  
  
Sunday afternoon and the girls were getting a little restless in the house with nothing to do, other than Lexa that is. The brunette was being entertained of every minute of the day just watching Clarke and Anya's encounter's with one another and their exchange of conversation's. Lexa had noticed Anya brought out her immature childish side and Lexa was finding it hilarious so therefore had a smile on her face threw out the day. When Anya reached breaking point wanting to do something to make up her day, she had decided to nick a few numbers of Clarke's phone sending them a text saying ' _i hid the body now what!?'_  
They had sat there for a few moments watching Anya's phone light up with reply's from Bellamy, Raven, Octavia, and Jasper.  
And Clarke had told her to read them out, much to Anya's disappointment when their responses were boring other than Raven and Jasper's which Ended up in a conversation.  
  
  
_**Anya** : I hid the body now what?!_  
  
**Jasper** : Wtf? Who is this?   
  
**Anya** : Sorry dude wrong number.   
  
**Jasper** : I'm calling the police.   
  
Anya: dude I just killed someone, now you're telling me you're going to rat me out? I'll kill you too!"   
  
Lexa was suppressing her giggle's to the best of her ability, which was proving difficult at how silly the Griffin girls could be together, but extremely entertaining none the less.   
  
"This Raven chick's reply is my favourite" Anya admitted scrolling threw her phone with a smirk on her lip's.   
  
**Anya** : I hid the body now what?  
  
**Raven** : I hope you bought a disposable phone with Cash or your screwed! If so Burn it Bag it Sink it!   
  
**Anya** : My bad wrong number.  
  
**Raven** : Advice for the future ;)  
  
The girls erupted in laughed, not surprised in the slightest that Raven would go along with it. Raven and Anya were rather alike, especially in Clarke's eye's as Raven was one of her best friends there always up for a giggle, and can get sometime's a little too crazy. Yet both girl's had never had the opportunity to meet yet, hell Hardly any of Clarke's friend's had met Anya as Anya had been in a different town at College and found it difficult to visit over the recent year's, but despite her being friend's with them for many years there path's had never crossed. That's when Anya thought of an idea, an idea to get out the house and finally meet everyone properly although she knew of them. A night out to the cinema then to get some ice cream or something. Anya wasn't fussed as long as she was out. Clarke had thought it was a good idea originally, she would get to spend some time with her friend's cousin and Anya, but mainly Lexa had agreed she would come two, Clarke had even got a little excited getting ready, that was until Lexa has asked if she could ask Costia if she could join them?   
Clarke felt to scream No! She desperately wanted to tell her not a chance in hell, but she couldn't bring herself to deny that to Lexa. Beside's it wasn't new hanging around with Costia, in fact Costia was with Clarke's group quite a lot at school before Lexa came along. What started with excitement became confusion and disappointment as everyone started arriving at the griffin house filling out the kitchen stood, Bellamy, Fin, Jasper, Raven, Roan, Octavia. Then there was Lexa and Costia in the far corner standing in the corner deep in conversation, with a smile on the brunette's lips that only made Clarke's heart scream.   
She desperately wanted to kick Costia out the house, it was enough seeing them interact at school so closely but now in her own home.   
  
"Ready?" Raven questioned jumping off the kitchen counter as Clarke approached.   
  
"Ready!" Clarke confirmed. "Who's riding with who we got three Car's"   
  
"Octavia, Bellamy and Roan are with me" Raven pointed out.   
  
"Ok well I've got Anya, Fin and Lexa" Clarke also pointed out.   
  
"Actually Lexa can ride with me Clarke, if that's ok" Costia interrupted stepping forward more into the group with Lexa smiling innocently.

Of course, that's not ok, there was nothing ok about this organisation, Lexa should be sitting with her, not with Costia.   
  
"That's fine" Clarke muttered quickly turning her back not wanting to show any sign of any annoyance, anger or jealousy.  "ok so we're all going to park in the dropship Car park, then walk along the lake get of at the bridge and head in to the cinema ok" Clarke clarified making sure everyone knew where to meet.   
  
"Move out" Raven ordered. With a commanding grin.   
  
Everyone headed toward's there Car's parting way's and Clarke risked it, she looked over her shoulder and caught Lexa just about to enter Costia's White mini Range Rover. She smiled softly at the blonde giving a small wave, everything about Lexa was innocent and oblivious. The smiled threaded on her lip's was so genuine, unaware of how Clarke truly felt about Lexa with Costia, the girl who clearly had heart eye's for Lexa, but of course Lexa was oblivious to that too. Clarke waved back plastering a fake smile on her frowning features, trying everything to push the thoughts out of her mind.  
She placed herself in the driver seat pulling out her drive following the other's while Anya eyed her carefully.   
  
"What's up?" Anya questioned noticing a difference in her cousin.   
  
"Nothing" Clarke smiled "Just cold" Clarke lied.  Anya didn't by it.   
  
Clarke pushed every image in her mind of Lexa kissing her, Cuddling her, Laying in her bed fast asleep, her smile, her giggle. Everything was Lexa, Costia didn't get to do any of this, if anything Costia only kissed Lexa because of a dare, nothing more. Clarke tried clinging to that, hoping praying she hadn't imagined everything she thought her and Lexa was going threw was in her mind and Lexa wasn't just going along with it. No matter how hard she tried to reassure herself, it didn't work it all came down to the simple fact Clarke and Lexa hadn't spoken and Lexa was indeed single and Lexa was wanted to share a car more with Costia.  
  
\----

 "You looked really good the other day" Costia admitted pulling up in the parking lot before turning her engine off. "Lara Croft suit's you"   
  
"Clarke chose it" Lexa smiled nervously "i don't feel comfortable in it"   
  
"You should" Costia admitted leaning over and taking Lexa's hand in her own. "Beauty radiate's of you" Costia squeezed the brunette's hand gently loving how Lexa reacts every time she receive's a compliment, much like the first time a jittery mess as Costia would explain it, only a more relaxed jittery mess from the very first time they met and Costia couldn't be more proud.   
  
"What are you going as?" Lexa questioned changing the subject, and costia couldn't hold back a little laugh allowing the topic to change.  
  
"Im thinking a superwoman, instead of Superman" Costia grinned "There is some sexy superwoman outfit's I've got my eye one" Costia flashed a wink cheekily before watching the remaining of the cars pull up in front of her.   
  
"Clarke's going as wonder woman" Lexa's lip's formed a smile on there own thinking of Clarke in her outfit. She was defiantly wonderful. "We chose each other's outfits"   
  
"Well... Clarke has extremely good taste" Costia winked watching Lexa blush before releasing a giggle herself. "You are getting better with compliments. Slowly. But getting there" Costia grinned stroking her thumb back and forth against Lexa's hand.   
  
"Can i ask you something?" Costia questioned her smile fading to a smaller once, more shy and questioning.   
  
"Of course" Lexa smiled looking to there held hands before back to Costia. "You never have to ask"   
  
"The thing is-"  The sound of a car Horn honking in front of them made both girl's jump in their seats. Lexa and Costia quickly looked out the window to see all there friend's standing and leaning against there Car's waiting for the two girls's to hurry up.   
  
\---  
  
"Sexual tension" Anya smirked eyeing the Range Rover.   
  
"What?" Clarke questioned trying to ignore her cousin's remark about her not so much girlfriend and the girl who clearly wanted her.   
  
"Lex and Costia over there" Anya nudged as if Clarke hadn't caught sight yet. Oh she caught sight, from the second the blonde pulled up she struggled to look away for what felt like a lifetime as she watched Lexa smile and laugh with Costia, she watched Costia lean closer and wink, she watched Costia flick her hair and Lexa was buying it all. That's when Clarke looked away, she looked away out of fear, fear that she might not be able to control her outburst she desperately wanted to have with Costia.   
Only Clarke had no right, and Costia had done no wrong.   
  
"There friend's" Clarke growled trying to focus anywhere but on Lexa.   
  
"Griff! Check out Lexa and costia" Raven announced walking over to the blonde.   
  
"That's what i just said" Anya chipped in   
  
"Anya right?" Raven questioned "Raven."   
  
"Ah yes. The burn it and sink it crazy chick?" Anya raised her brow's with a smirk. "I'm not sure if I should keep my distance, or befriend you already"   
  
"so that was you" Raven pointed "Although I would advise the befriend option" Raven grinned with an evil glimmer in her eye.  
  
"Sassie one you are" Anya grinned "I like. Befriend it is" Anya held her hand out to raven  
  
"Wise choice" Raven smiled taking Anya's hand in her own, not expecting to be quickly pulled forward pushed up against the dark blonde.   
  
"You are extremely attractive" Anya admitted eyeing the latina.  
  
"Ew." Clarke interrupted watching her cousin hitting on one of her best friend's. "Get your lesbian hand's of her she is as straight as a ruler" Clarke announced with a look of disgust at the thought of Anya and Raven. _Ew_  
  
"Why are they taking so long" Clarke huffed quickly moving her eye's back to the main source that coated her mind. "Fuck it" Clarke mumbled opening her car door after watching Lexa smiling at Costia once more. She honked her horn twice startling the girls.   
  
\----  
  
From the moment Lexa and Costia got out the car, Clarke just wanted to drive back home. This was Anya's stupid fault, she thought of the stupid idea to meet all the friend's and to go to the cinema. Yet here she was walking along the river heading toward's the cinema with Lexa only a few feet in front of her holding Costia's hand. Costia had almost grabbed it the moment the brunette exited the car, and Clarke noticed she welcomed it, it not expecting it already. It was in that moment Clarke decided maybe Lexa wasn't feeling the same thing's she does, maybe Lexa liked intimacy not just from her. It was in that moment Clarke knew she needed to let her anger go, let the jealousy disappear as long as Lexa was smiling that was good enough for her, and Lexa was smiling. Clarke looked out to the lake, the sun still reflecting beautifully on the water with people to her right still walking along the field, some playing football, some just sitting in small group's.   
  
"Hi" Fin smiled standing beside Clarke.  
  
"Hi" Clarke replied.   
  
"It's getting cold" Fin smiled rubbing his hand's together.   
  
"Well it is late October"   
  
"I know that" Fin rolled his eyes playfully. "How are you?" He questioned "we haven't really spoken much"  
  
"I'm good" Clarke lied. She was anything but good. "I thought you might need some time, I didn't want you to feel like I was too in your face" Clarke admitted still caring for Fin deeply, and she always will.  
  
"You could never be too much in my face" Fin admitted hugging his coat around "I miss you"   
  
"I miss you two" Clarke admitted knowing it wasn't in the same way fin missed her.   
  
"I know you don't want to be with me anymore but Clarke, I don't know how long it will take me to move past this, hell if I even can, but I want you to be happy you deserve it, and I never want you to feel awkward around me or keep your distance from me. I love you and I always will no matter what form it is"  
  
"im sorry" Clarke mumbled "and thank you" Clarke finally breathed looking up at the dark haired boy. "Don't ever change" Clarke ordered but pleaded at the same time. Fin maybe not what she want's in life, but someone out there deserves Finn Collins love and Fin deserve's there love right back, anyone would think there was something wrong with the blonde as Fin was a really good one.   
  
Lexa and Clarke had barely spoken that night, they sat two seat's away from one another in the cinema Clarke next to Fin and Fin next to Costia, and of course Lexa by Costia's side. The blonde was grateful Fin was by her side she was feeling sorry for herself unable to think of the movie, only thinking of how she would now go about this, how she would ignore her forever building feelings for Lexa who clearly didn't feel anything she thought back. She felt like some part of her had gained a hole, and it had become empty at watching Costia and Lexa interact with one another, they were closer than she ever thought, and Lexa seemed most confident when she was around, as Clarke's heart ached Lexa smiled, as Clarke stomach turned in the worst way, Lexa laughed. The night went on like this till they were walking back down the river to there Car's although Clarke felt like Lexa was doing everything to push her button's on purpose she knew she wasn't she was oblivious to everything Clarke felt as she hid it with a smile, whenever Lexa would smile at her nervously giving her a small wave with a cheeky smile whenever she would turn around Clarke would put her best fake happy smile on and wave back, wishing Lexa wasn't so oblivious to emotion's.   
  
A firework went off in the darkened night sky and the group all stopped to look up at the beautifully decorated sky.   
  
"A little early isn't it?" Anya questioned tugging her hat more firmly over her head.   
  
"week and a half till bonfire night" Costia informed for anyone who didn't know.   
  
The group stood huddled closely together watching the small display someone was putting on a little early, a small group playing around with a ball in the distance, while some dog walker's passed with there barking scared dog's.   
Lexa stepped further on to the field her gaze never leaving the beautiful night sky, watching the pretty pattern's burst into life in the sky and Clarke watched in awe, eyeing her carefully before stepping closer.   
  
"Have you ever watched fire work's before?" Clarke questioned looking at the sky herself.   
  
"I haven't" Lexa admitted swallowing hard before parting her lip's once more, she was amazed. Struck by such beauty. "It's beautiful" Lexa admitted.   
  
"it is" Clarke breathed. She wanted to no everything Lexa hadn't experienced, from the small thing's to the big thing's, she wanted to show Lexa everything she should have seen as a normal child, she wanted to see Lexa light up like she was lit up right now. The silence fell amongst them as they stare at the sky Clarke allowing Lexa to have her moment.   
  
A ball came flying out of nowhere hitting Lexa hard in the stomach, the unexpected force took Lexa's breath away as she bent over struggling to catch her breath. The whole group quickly snapped there head's down to see what had happened Clarke already asking her if she was ok as she held her up.   
  
"He shoot's he Score's!!!" Came the far to a familiar voice. Their head's all snapping in his direction standing with a group of boy's drinking alcohol. The anger inside Clarke bubbled instantly, she wasn't sure if to release Lexa and kill him, or remain holding Lexa and let him have her wrath of the angry words Anya and Costia quickly were by her side two.  
  
"Pass the ball back dyke" Murphy spat stepping closer "Not a bad shot ay guy's" he grinned looking proud of himself while looking discussed at Lexa bend over curled up chocking for air.   
  
"You little" Clarke spat gritting her teeth unable to hold it in as she turned on her heel instantly being stopped by Bellamy holding her back. Anya followed suit the anger rippled through her body instantly the second Lexa curled up. This was her family. Nobody hurt's her family.   
Much like Clarke Anya took a few steps forward rather quickly and harshly, having Fin hold her back two.   
  
"he is not worth it" Fin tried to Calm both Griffin's trying to push past, the anger the same in there eye's burning with fire, unable to listen to anything.   
  
"Control your woman" Murphy laughed. Watching Clarke trying to push and shove past Bellamy.   
  
That one small comment was enough to tip Anya over the edge, pushing past Fin with little but no struggle at all as she lunged at Murphy hitting him hard, feeling the crack of his nose against her knuckle's, the blood fell out his nose as his head crack to the side quickly, sending him tumbling back from the force quickly losing his footing and falling to the floor.   
  
"You piece of shit" Anya growled not quite done with the boy yet as she stepped over him gripping his hair-raising his head from the group before hitting him again letting his head drop back to the ground. Blood coating his face as he whined in pain from his nose, but still, Anya wasn't done.   
"Pass me that goddam ball" Anya ordered firmly, her voice raised as she turned back to the group waiting for them to give her it. Raven threw her it hesitantly, and Anya turned back instantly to the boy on the ground.   
"Think it's funny do you?" She questioned. "Laugh now" She demanded Placing the ball on the ground booting it as hard as she could at the boy on the ground hitting his chest.   
Clarke finally managed to get past Bellamy as he was watching Anya distracting him enough to finally push past, she stood right beside her cousin who was heaving angrily.   
  
"Who is this?" Anya questioned her voice not any less angry.   
  
"Murphy." Clarke admitted "He bullied Lexa at school" Clarke grit her teeth, turning back to see Lexa in the distance now to her feet but clutching her stomach where the ball had hit her. Her teeth grit harder as she crouched down to Murphy.   
  
"i warned you" Clarke bit gripping his bloodied chin in her hand. "You think a broken nose is the worst of it?" Clarke laughed. "Consider yourself ruined" Clarke growled pushing his head back roughly as he groaned in pain. She stood to her feet ready to turn around, only needing to release something, anything at the boy who hurt Lexa once more. She turned back pulling her leg back and releasing a full force kick to his manhood. He screamed out in agony, and Clarke still didn't consider it was enough, nor Anya for that matter, but they turned leaving the boy there on the ground to head back to Lexa.   
  
"Are you ok?" Clarke questioned her tone rushed and worried as she clutched Lexa's cheek in her palm, the change of her mood was almost immediate from anger to soft and worrying. The softness Clarke felt in her stomach the moment her eye's met Green her heart melted like it always did.   
  
"I just want to go home" Lexa spoke more firm than ever quickly bowing her head dropping there gaze. She was embarrassed, embarrassed in front of everyone again because she was Murphy's target. The boy who managed to make her feel like she was exactly what most people thought of her. Nothing.   
Lexa turned on her feet heading toward's the cars as quickly as she could.   
  
The group had followed mainly in silence, and shock at the scene that had just unfolded. Anya kicked arse and had a heck of a punch on her, the whole group was thinking it but no one said it, Anya and Clarke both sat in the front of Clarke's car worried and angry at the same time, they wanted to just get home as quickly as possible to check on Lexa without everyone's eye's on her.  
  
"Thank you" Clarke finally spoke as she pulled up in the drive to there home.   
  
"For what?" Anya questioned unbuckling her seat belt.   
  
"Defending her" Clarke spoke allowing the sad tone to ring out.   
  
"She is family" Anya replied as if it was a fact. "I want to beat him all over again"   
  
Lexa had beaten Anya and Clarke home as Costia had dropped her off immediately, while Clarke had to drop her friend's of first. She wanted a shower, she needed a shower to rid herself of the night, as she stripped down to nothing she looked at herself in the bathroom mirror. Her eyes were saddened and the smile she had worn on her face all day had been swiped Clean removing any sign of it ever being there. This was Lexa's reality. The sad lonely foster child with weird Clothes who couldn't fend for herself when she was being bullied. She thought it was different here, she thought she was beginning to fit in and make more friends than just one. Hell, she was smiling more than she had ever in her entire life, but she felt Murphy had quite literally kicked her back to reality. That was a dream.   
Lexa woods will always be the girl in the bathroom on her own, looking in the mirror in disgust. She will always be the easy target for the hundred's of bullies that were out there. Lexa wood's needed her wall back, as her tears fell with the hurt, and the pain she just wished she could be normal.   
Lexa woods is and will always be nothing more than damaged good's.   
She showered her tear's away waiting for them to finish falling before stepping out and putting her pyjamas on.   
she opened the bathroom door with her eye's to the ground.

 

 


	14. Your A Griffin.

**Lost And Insecure!**

 

The anger pulsing threw Clarke's vein's were restricting her from sitting down and Relaxing. She knew she should sit down and wait patiently on the bed for Lexa, she knew she should calm herself down before talking with the brunette but Clarke was finding it impossible, as she paced up and down the bedroom. She wanted to rip Murphy's ugly face right of, she wanted to teach him a lesson, play him at his own cruel game although Clarke didn't agree with bullying. She had anger beyond anything she had felt before, and the rage was rising to the surface the more she paced, the more she thought of Lexa crouched over chocking for Oxygen. The push of the bedroom door being opened instantly had Clarke standing still frozen to the spot, as her sad eye's watched the brunette enter.   
  
"Lexa" Clarke spoke softly feeling the anger drain from her body instantly. Lexa raised her gaze from the floor for the first time since exiting the bathroom, her eye's were drawn down and coated over with a extra shine in her eye's. "hey" Clarke whispered even more softer before cupping the brunette's cheek. "Im so sorry" Clarke whispered. She did everything in her power to try and hold Lexa's gaze but the brunette wasn't having any of it as she shifted in front of her, her eye's to the floor.   
  
"Dont apologise" Lexa's voice was more firmer than she had ever heard it before and it took her back slightly.   
  
"ok." Clarke whispered taking a breath. "are you ok?" Clarke questioned with more sincerity in her voice than she ever had, Clarke felt like she was breaking from the inside out at just the sight of Lexa.   
  
"Im fine Clarke" Lexa lied before moving past Clarke ignoring her stare's, and her pity. Lexa didn't want it.   
  
For a moment Clarke stood still staring at the spot Lexa was just in, trying to think of anything to make Lexa's self doubt go away as the day's passed she had watched Lexa's confidence grow with beauty, and now Murphy had took that away from a few simple word's and a uncalled for attack.   
  
"I'll kill him" Clarke muttered behind gritted teeth crossing her arm's over her chest gripping herself tightly, and Clarke really did want to kill him, every ounce of anger she ever had that had built up threw out the course of her life, didn't come close to the anger she felt right now.   
  
"this is my battle Clarke" Lexa spoke firm anger in her voice. "i can fend for myself" She growled.   
  
The blonde turned around instantly taken back by Lexa's harsh tone and snappiness, but when she tried to read the brunette her gaze remained anywhere but Clarke as she threw her pillow against her headboard.   
  
"Im trying to help you" Clarke said softly taking a step forward her brow's furrowed in confusion as Lexa held her hand's out for her to stop her movement any closer.   
  
"I don't need your help Clarke. I don't need you to come and rescue me all the time." Lexa had turned cold like a switch had gone of blocking her emotion's completely.   
  
"I know that" Clarke tried once more.  
  
"i don't think you do" Lexa huffed turning to face Clarke finally catching her gaze. "I don't need you, i don't need anyone. I have done fine on my own."   
  
Clarke's heart plumbed to the ground in a second, she had never seen Lexa like this. Her tone was cold and her stare turned to ice and Clarke felt the full force of it for the first time, she had always known Lexa to be quiet and nervous, never like this. Lexa turned around slumming on her bed ignoring the stare Clarke was giving as she popped her headphone's in blocking the world out.  
  
"Im sorry you feel that way" Clarke muttered backing out the bedroom, the second she exited the bedroom she barged past Anya and rushed downstairs not looking up once. Clarke was hurt deeper than she thought she could be.  
  
Anya looked down the hallway and then back to the bedroom, debating to check on Clarke first or confront Lexa for what she just said, She chose the later Lexa needed to hear this. The dark blonde walked in the bedroom, noticing Lexa never looked up once. Instead Anya lay on the ground with out saying a word, she raised her Leg's to Lexa's bed and let them bounce noticing Lexa shift slightly allowing Anya the space. For a while it was quiet and Anya remained patient, she understood Lexa would be just as angry as both the Griffin girl's if not more, she knew she would feel humiliated and embarrassed, feeling weak unable to defend for herself. She allowed Lexa that time to think, to get lost in her music like it was a medicine, to bring her back down from the rising anger until she felt grounded once more. Anya remained Laying on the ground for forty five minute's and still she wouldn't give up. Anya's patience eventually paid off when she felt a shift in the bed before Lexa mirrored her action's and laid beside her removing her head phones.  Anya debated speaking right away deciding to just stare at the ceiling for a little longer allowing Lexa to settle in her new position.   
  
"Me and Clarke both went to the same school once" Anya finally spoke never looking away from the ceiling "Before my family moved. We were in different year of course as im older but in primary school when ever the bell would ring announcing it was break time, me and Clarke would find one another" Anya admitted "we would get on each other's nerves all the time, and complain about one another constantly but we were really close" Anya smiled remembering the smaller version's of them self "One day, i got in to a fight. The girl was bigger than me so alot bigger than Clarke. Yet when Clarke caught sight of me being hurt, she didn't care how big or how much older the girl was, she didn't care what could happen to herself. Clarke stopped caring for herself and focused on caring for me." Anya felt Lexa turn her gaze and focus on her completely. "Clarke went mental, her eye's were burning with rage because someone had hurt me. Were family and family protect one another no matter what, no matter the situation we alway's stand together"  
  
"What happened?" Lexa asked her voice back to soft.   
  
"Clarke got beat up along with myself, but even though she had nothing left in her, she got back up anyway" Anya grinned "It annoyed the girl to no end, that Clarke just would not stay down" Anya laughed at the memory. "You see, What Clarke was doing was keeping the focus on her instead of me" Anya admitted "I was already beaten, chocking on air, and as a kid your extra dramatic so you can Imagen what i was like" Anya giggled and Lexa smiled letting her own anger vanish as she listened to the story.   
  
"i understand you've had no family" Anya questioned not really needing a answer, and Lexa's silence answered the question. "i heard what you said to Clarke" Anya admitted. "You see, you may not be use to family but us Griffin's were a team. Once our heart's open to you, you will always remain there"  Anya turned to Lexa once more reaching for her hand which Lexa accepted. "You may not be biologically a Griffin, but your apart of this family now, and no matter what you say, no matter how much you try to deny our help, it will never stop. Because your family."  
  
Anya knew Lexa was already a nervous wreck, she already knew she felt uncomfortable easy and would get embarrassed at the smallest of thing's she was everything completely opposite to a griffin where they radiated with confidence and loud mouths, they rarely got nervous and would make a uncomfortable situation more comfortable. So when she heard the quiet sob's and sniffles Lexa released Anya didn't turn and face her, she allowed her her moment of weakness with out being stared at, she allowed her emotion's to flow willingly with out making her feel silly or uncomfortable. She allowed Lexa to feel her emotion's in peace, ignoring her tear's and speaking to keep the room as comfortable as possible.  Lexa needed to know that she didn't have to be alone any more, she needed to no that no matter how much she deny's there help she will get it because that what family's do, they listen, hold and protect one another.   
  
"Clarke has one of the biggest heart's i know" Anya admitted "Dont tell her i said that though, i will never hear the end of it" Anya pleaded all while watching the light bulb firmly in it's socket surrounded by the lamp shade. "She doesn't get hurt easy though, she can take almost anything with a pinch of salt. Yet when she left this room, she was ready to cry"   
  
"I didn't- i never meant to hurt her" Lexa said in the most vulnerable of way's wiping at her own tear's. "i was angry"  
  
"I know" Anya breathed "Lexa, Clarke will always try to protect you no matter how much you try to turn it away, it's in her nature." Anya squeezed the brunette's hand once more. "i better check on her actually." Anya finally spoke standing to her feet, and walking to the door.  
  
"And Lexa" Anya turned facing the brunette   
  
"Yes?"   
  
"Dont let negative and toxic people rent space in your head, raise the rent and kick them out" Anya encouraged with a smile before leaving Lexa to gather herself.   
  
//

Clarke had been spread out on the couch, blanket clutched up to her chin as she tried watching anything that appeared on the telly, she was failing miserably of course barely catching any word's echoing from the TV as she thought about Lexa's words. She didn't want her help, she didn't need her help, she didn't need her. The blonde had only tried to help, along with her own feeling's that struggled to stay buried. She wasn't sorry at all, not even in the slightest she would do it all over again and so would Anya, so why was she feeling guilty? Why was she feeling so hurt by word's that were so full of anger? Why had she cried the second she left the room?  
Lexa clearly didn't want Clarke involved in any of her business, she didn't need her protection, and she certainly didn't want Clarke near her. Maybe that's why it hurt, all the thing's Clarke wanted to do Lexa had rejected by snapping in her face. Lexa wanted and needed to fight her demon's alone, like she always had. Maybe that's what hurt Clarke the most, she thought Lexa was warming to the family, opening up slowly but gradually allowing the family to see her for who she was, only she hadn't at all, she still want's to be alone, she doesn't need Clarke. 

"You ok porky?" Anya questioned placing herself opposite the blonde, feeling like the therapist of the night.   
  
"Fine" Clarke smiled. "Did you know dog's are able to see there own fart's" Clarke smiled looking back to the telly.  
  
"sorry. why would i know that?" Anya questioned confused. Clarke only shrugged not seeming to notice the way Anya was looking at her.  
  
"load's of fun fact's on here look" Clarke gestured to the TV listening to the narrator talking about a male bee die's after sex.  
  
"So your really going to ignore this?" Anya questioned looking to the blonde.  
  
"Ignore what?"   
  
"Lexa"   
  
"What about her?" Clarke questioned trying to act confused. "She don't want our help simple. she won't get it." Clarke spoke the word's alot easier than it felt it would be.   
  
"Clarke" Anya breathed "I know you, you dont cry easy you take everything on the chin"   
  
"i was just angry" Clarke lied.   
  
"Porky"  
  
"Anya, please i don't want to talk about it no more" Clarke spoke sternly gripping the remote, and Anya just nodded, before watching the terrible show on telly.   
"Clarke"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Make sure you clean your teeth again before bed, i don't want to be bringing the toilet roll to the bedroom for morning" Anya grinned lightening the atmosphere.  
  
"Shut up!" Clarke barked throwing the remote at Anya.   
  
//  
  
That night only got worse for Clarke, she chose to ignore Lexa's gaze when she entered the bedroom. She quickly found her own bed and stumbled in it with Anya before quickly facing the wall. Every night both girl's had slept with one another, holding one another until both of them fell asleep rather quickly. Only now Clarke had took a step back, if Lexa didn't want Clarke's help then she would hold back, she would allow lexa to face her demon's alone, that and Lexa had knocked her back taking every believe away that Lexa had indeed felt anything back. Clarke's feeling's for Lexa were not reciprocated in the same way, Clarke had to detach herself from the comfortable cuddle's and kisses she had grown to crave every hour of every day. The hardest part wasn't struggling to fall asleep like Clarke had thought. The hardest part was waking up at some point threw the night hearing Lexa shift in her bed, hearing her pant for breath, but Clarke didn't turn around, she didn't climb over Anya and sooth Lexa like she always had. She gripped the pillow beneath her head tighter feeling her hand ache in the process as she heard Lexa shoot up out of breath heaving the words 'no'  
She hated herself for not moving, for not turning around and comforting the brunette, she hated that her cousin was a heavy Sleeper and didn't do it either, She hated that Lexa was going threw the fear in the dark alone. Yet Clarke remained still Clutching her pillow and her eye's closed tightly, stopping the tear's that desperately wanted to fall.   
After that Clarke couldn't sleep, she was on alert threw the night listening to any sign of Lexa, in a way making sure she was ok with out actually asking her or turning around.   
  
The tension was still just as thick the next morning as they got ready for school, Clarke could feel Lexa's eye's on her but the blonde didn't look, the blonde knew if she did she would melt, she would feel all the warm fuzzy numb feeling's Lexa always made her feel from just her eye's, making her forget all her train of thought and only see and feel Lexa. Lexa was now dangerous to her, because she was vulnerable where Lexa was concerned that had been proven last night as Lexa made her cry from some simple angry word's, that Clarke would barely even blink at before.   
Anya looked between the girl's in the kitchen, the silence was deafening. Lexa caught Anya's gaze with worried eye's and nodded in Clarke's direction. Lexa followed looking to Clarke and taking a deep breath.   
  
"Clarke." Lexa said softly breaking the silence "Last night- Im sorry" Lexa mumbled fiddling with her finger's and if Clarke would have looked up and noticed Lexa's eye's threading with regret and sadness, she would have knew Lexa meant the word from the bottom of her heart, she had accepted she was in the wrong.   
  
"You have nothing to be sorry for" Clarke smiled shoving thing's in her bag never stopping once. "Costia pick's you up right?" Clarke questioned not waiting on a answer. "See you at school" She smiled throwing her bag over her shoulder "And ill see you after" she turned to Anya pointing her finger. "bye" She waved leaving the house quickly. Lexa dropped her gaze to her hand's resting on the kitchen counter.   
  
"You tried" Anya soothed placing her hand's on her back "You must have hurt her" Anya admitted looking to the spot her cousin was just standing trying to make sense of the whole situation, Clarke was never touché, yet with this she took it to personal. Anya had said alot more angrier and aggressive thing's to the blonde, yet Clarke would brush it under the rug forgetting about it almost as quickly as Anya had said it.   
  
"i better go" Lexa mumbled.  
  
"Isn't Costia picking you up?"   
  
"Not today" Lexa smiled sadly leaving the house ready for her walk to school.   
  
\---  
  
Lexa always seemed to think life could only get better if music was anything to go by, and it was doing just that, well it was. She was smiling again with pure real happiness, she had a family at home that cared for her, who would sit around a dinner table almost every afternoon sharing there stories of there separate event's of the day. Admittedly Lexa was more of a listener than a talker but she enjoyed the family experience, the family banter and laughs. Everything was going great until Lexa Snapped at Clarke.   
Clarke had avoided her for the past three day's as much as possible, at school when ever she would pass her in the hall Clarke would dig deeper in to a conversation with who ever she was with only flashing a quick smile in Lexa's direction. When break time came Clarke's friends seemed to sit with Lexa also now classing her as a new found addition to the small family the had, only Clarke barely was there. Raven had said she was in the Library studying on some day's. On other day's Lexa tried not to notice how Fin was missing two, she tried not thinking about where they were, and what they were doing as she pulled at the grass laying beneath her.   
When it came to going home, Clarke would be home for less than minutes before getting changed and going out to 'meet her friends' Lexa had edged in a conversation about Clarke at school with her friend's trying to dig to find out what they had been doing, only to find out they were at home and Clarke wasn't with them, which only made Lexa's mind wonder more. She missed Clarke, she missed the way her soft voice would comfort her, how she would just care for Lexa in every way no matter the situation, she always did everything with care to make sure Lexa was still ok. When Lexa would wake up each night drenched in sweat, she would turn to face Clarke's bed hoping Clarke would wake up, or move but she never did. Lexa felt like she was hurting, aching for Clarke to just go back to how they were.   
Her book had become her savour threw the night when she would wake from a night mare, she would write her thought's her feelings before burying it back under her pillow safely. Lexa didn't fail to notice the mention of Clarke's name repeatedly in her book. Anya's time at the Griffin house hold was nearing a end with only two day's left to go. Lexa was dreading it, Lexa had found a friend in Anya as she held the same feeling she got from Clarke, the warm light happy atmosphere that always surrounded her. Thank fully Anya would be moving back in to town within the following week's, as she transferred University, wanting to be closer to her parent's and the rest of her family.   
  
"So excited for tomorrow" Raven grinned "I Love Halloween" Raven clapped her hand's together in excitement. While all the group rolled there eye's at how childish the brunette had become. Lexa wasn't listening. She was to focused on the blonde that had joined them today, she looked tired and exhausted like she hadn't slept just as much as Lexa, only Lexa had grown use to her sleeping routine for year's, so it didn't show to much. Lexa continued to stare at the blonde who never once looked at Lexa, it hurt Lexa every time her eye's jumped past her and skipped to the people beside her, and lexa pulled at the grass ripping it from the root's nervously beside her.   
  
"Who are you going with?" Raven questioned looking to Lexa   
  
"Oh. Um. Well i was going with Clarke" Lexa said more nervously as that had originally been the plan, Clarke wanted to show her all the fun mini game's she remembered the blonde's face light up when she spoke about it, she remembered Clarke clutching tightly to her hand as they strode threw the shopping centre in hunt for a conversation. She remembered the way Clarke almost become speechless at her in her costume, and it made Lexa more nervous. Yet now Clarke didn't look at her at all. Only if Lexa hadn't become so shy and nervous making that statement she would have seen Clarke's eye's finally fall on her with a small smile tugging the corner of her lip's.   
  
"You can come with me" Costia grinned hooking her arm threw Lexa's gripping it against her own. Lexa looked to her nervously with a small smile on her Lip's. She was grateful for her best friend who always was there to fall back on, who would always make sure she wasn't somewhere on her own, but it wasn't the person she wanted to go to the small carnival with.   
  
"No. It's ok. She's coming with me" Clarke finally spoke making Lexa snap her head back to Clarke, and finally for the first time in three day's Green met with Blue and lexa felt her first genuine small smile appear for the first time in three day's, and her finger's began to tingle all over again, bringing her body back to life.  
Maybe this could change thing's back Lexa hoped.   
//  
  
"Don't forget class, it's first come first serve there are only so many spot's" Niylah announced standing in front of the white board. "You do have to pay for your own flight's and your parent's will need to sign this letter" she held out the letter in hand's showing the class before placing them on the edge of her own desk. "it will be a experiences of your life time" Niylah admitted "So if you want to do something incredible, something that will make you feel proud of yourself, and to help the young children in Thailand that have suffered in the terrible tsunami, then grab a letter from my desk before you leave, and get is signed as soon as possible, the trip is scheduled in January just after Christmas."  
  
"Are you interested" Costia whispered across her desk to Lexa who was biting her inner lip in thought.   
  
"Maybe" Lexa smiled. She was considering it, infact from the moment Niylah had announced it she had tuned out the rest of the class, hearing all the terrible thing's that had happened. She also knew she needed permission from Abby and Jake first. That made her nervous, she didn't want to ask any more of the two griffin's they had already done more than enough for Lexa, and she would be forever in there debt. Yet the more she listened about the current position the place was in, showing picture's of there destroyed home's it drew her in. She wanted to do something better with her life, something that would be of help to someone else, like Jake and Abby had been to her, weather it's hand out water or help Clean wreckage, she just wanted to do something worth doing for the first time in her life. Abby and Jake had gave her her second chance in life and she didn't want to take that for granted.  
  
"Im signing up" Costia admitted "Three week's don't sound long enough" Costia admitted studying the photo's showing on the screen. Everything was ruined, the work would take year's to rebuild. "it's awful" Costia mumbled still focused on the screen at the front of the class. Lexa looked at Costia lost in all the image's flashing on the screen and her smile grew a little, maybe this was why Costia was her best friend, she is just so caring and always wanted to help. Lexa admittedly had heard of Costia's reputation at this school, Queen B, the girl who loved herself and was spoilt rotten. Only she wasn't in the time Lexa had spent with Costia all she had felt was warmth from the girl, Costia may have had all the money she needed, but her family were never home, her parent's hardly cared so her and Lincoln grew up bringing one enough up. Costia was like Lexa in away, the only difference being Lexa was placed in care with no where to go, Costia's parent's had kept the two sibling's yet paid no real love or attention to them.   
  
"Me too" Lexa smiled. She just needed to ask Abby first.   
  
  
  
  


 

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoiler's for Next chapter. 
> 
> Clarke's dresses as wonderwoman  
> Lexa's dresses as Lara Croft.  
> Anya crashes the school Carnival.
> 
> Lexa take's a risk.


	15. A piece of the past.

**Lost And Insecure!**

Lexa would usually find Clarke's school bag slung over her bed when she came home from school, informing her that the blonde had already beaten her home and disappeared out already. For the past three days Clarke had almost done everything to avoid Lexa, she would rush home, change then disappear till it was time to come home. Lexa tried for a conversation a number of time's with her shy and nervous 'hi's and 'are you oks?' but Clarke kept it short and simple with a smile on her face. Lexa has been threw alot in her life, she never had the best upbringing that's for sure and she sure as hell made her own mistakes but she didn't want Clarke to be one, she regretted it deeply how she snapped at the blonde and wished she could take it back more than anything, but the most she could do was apologise and she had tried, much to her disappointment, Clarke had just brushed it off. Lexa missed the blonde in her day to day life even if she had been in it for such a short while. She missed laying cuddled together, she missed the way Clarke would look at her everyday. She missed the way Clarke made her feel safe and complete. She had finally come to admit to herself She liked Clarke more than she should, she had accepted it and her wall had tumbled down, only now she was bare, she didn't have Clarke making her feel safe and she didn't have her wall protecting her either, she felt empty.   
Yet all she found her mind occupied by was Clarke, her blue eye's, the way her blonde locks looked perfect sprawled across the pillow on the bed they use to share together. She missed the way Clarke would hold her tighter the second Lexa's hand would tighten around her top before falling asleep.  She missed the blonde like a raw ache in her bones. 

She hated every second of it. 

Yet today was different, today Clarke finally acknowledged Lexa and her fingers tingled. She felt the first genuine smile creep on her face and it made her nervous like it was the first time they had met. Lexa hoped this could be the beginning to getting back to normal, she had hoped more than anything. So when she approached her bedroom door to hear a soft melody echoing threw the crack of the door she stood froze for a second. The smile creped on her face as she continued to stand in the hall way, Clarke was inside playing guitar, stopping and starting again as she tried to get the tune correct. She was a little nervous to enter, she debated entering at all not wanting to ruin her hopes of everything changing back to how they use to be.   
But this was Clarke, the girl she had fell for and couldn't seem to get out of her mind.   
  
Lexa pushed the door open and slid in quietly she took a glance over to Clarke laying against the wall feet bent at the knee on the bed as she focused on the strings of the guitar, pulling them gently with her fingers.  
  
"i didn't know you played" Lexa said softly a edge of her nervousness showing in her tone.   
  
"I don't" Clarke smiled looking up to the brunette who was stepping closer slowly.   
  
"You sound really good" Lexa admitted taking that extra step closer,  hoping the blonde wouldn't turn her away and laugh in her face. "May i sit?" She questioned. Clarke nodded focusing back on her guitar as she pulled a few more string's quickly moving her fingers up and down the length of the string's getting the correct melody. They sat there for a moment Lexa admiring the girl's hands movements and her focus. She smiled at the sight, music was her weakness and her finger's couldn't stop tingling at watching the girl she had a crush on play.   
  
"May i?" Lexa questioned looking to the instrument and back to Clarke.  
  
"You play?" Clarke questioned handing over the instrument. Lexa placed the guitar under her arm fitting her hand firmly around the top finding the right strings beneath her fingers.  "it suits you" Clarke admitted now eyeing Lexa.   
  
"Thank you" Lexa smiled looking to the blonde as she played a small relaxing melody moving her fingers swiftly to each string not needing to focus on the instrument itself as she played.   
  
"How did you learn?" Clarke questioned curiously knowing she didn't have a family to help her with these thing or a family to pay for lessons.   
  
"i taught myself" Lexa admitted continuing to play a relaxing melody, taking any tension in the room away, she wanted to keep it relaxed not wanting to ruin this chance at finally speaking with the blonde.   
  
"Sing" Clarke encouraged. She watched Lexas face scrunch up and become more nervous at the request. "Please. I like your voice" Clarke admitted. She watched green eyes focus on her own intensely as she swallowed hard.   
  
"Clarke..im sorry for ever snapping at you" Lexa said softly gazing in to blue.   
  
"Lex-"  
  
"Please Clarke. I need you to believe im sorry, i never meant that, i was angry, and upset. I was a idiot" Lexa admitted still pulling the string's not wanting to feel the tension building more and more as she spoke.   
  
"It's ok" Clarke assured, unable to admit Lexa hurt her with her words. "Sing. Please"   
  
"Ok" Lexa breathed relaxing back on the bed beside Clarke, there shoulder's brushing against one another. "I'm not very good"  
  
"You forget I've heard you. You're anything but no good" Clarke confesses tucking her feet beneath her bum.  
  
"Good. Great. Ok." Lexa mumbled becoming more nervous at the realisation she was going to sing with the blonde staring at her while sitting so Close. "Ok" Lexa repeated looking at her instrument, earning a small giggle from the blonde.   
  
"Relax" Clarke tried to reassure unable to hide her amusement.   
  
"Ok." Lexa breathed taking a breath before slowly pulling at the strings allowing the melody to echo threw the room.   
  
"Twinkle. Twinkle...little star" Lexa teased, watching Clarke shake her head with a smile on her face.   
  
"Properly!" Clarke stated laying back against the wall to relax. 

Once more Lexa looked to the guitar in her hands placing her fingers on the right strings allowing the melody to play threw out the room, as her eyes fell closed.  
Clarke eye'd her intensely watching how her closed eyes would tighten down as she sang, her lips releasing the most angelic beautiful voice, it was nothing like the first time when Clarke heard Lexa casually singing to a song as she was behind the other door, this was Lexa trying to sing, showing Clarke her voice completely.   
  
**'well i tried to live without you, but the tears fall from my eyes. Im alone and i feel empty god im torn apart inside, i look at the stars hoping your doing the same, some how i feel closer, and i can hear you say."  
  
** Clarke's small smile turned in to one of the biggest smiles she felt appear on her lips as she pushed her blonde locks back from her face she was unable to stop staring or stop listening to the brunette. Her voice was mind blowing. Clarke didn't recognise the song, but she noticed how Lexa slowed the song down making the lyrics more intense. She watched Lexa's eyes slowly open catching blue with green allowing a small smile to appear on her own lips as her hands trailed down the guitar, making the instrument sound deepen and become louder.   
**"ohh. I miss you. Oh.. i need you.  I love you more than i did before, and if today i don't see your face, nothing changed no one can take your place.It get's harder everyday.**

As Clarke continued to watch Lexa's eyes, her lips and her fingers glide up and down the guitar with ease, she knew this song was personal. She knew this song meant something to Lexa, with every word she sang, she felt the passion and the question Lexa desired. She heard the guitar slower and become more quiet as Lexa sang her final words  
  
**"im sorry it's this way, but ill be coming home. ill be coming home. But if you asked me i would stay..i would stay. "**

As the song came to a end, Lexa's eyes closed bringing the instrument to a stop. Clarke remained quiet for a moment watching the brunette intensely.  
  
"Your incredible" Clarke breathed taking Lexa's hand in her own as she watched the brunette smile softly deep in thought. "What was that song about?" Clarke questioned in the softest way possible allowing Lexa to know she didn't have to answer that if she didn't want to. A few moments passed before Lexa turned her gaze back to Clarke leaning her shoulder more on her's before looking to there entangled hand's.   
  
"I learned to play the guitar by myself" Lexa repeats her earlier statement and Clarke thinks she is ignoring her question, diverting it somewhere else. "There was one foster home i was placed in, and i wasn't the only foster child there" Lexa admitted squeezing Clarke's hand once more and Clarke squeezed right back. "It was the worst place i had been. He was a man who just wanted the money, and the high qualitys of being a foster parent, the government would look after him as a thank you for helping." Lexa informed not wanting to get in to so much detail about all of that. "There was a boy there named Aden, lost in the system like myself" Lexa admitted stopping only when she felt Clarke's thumb glide back and forth on the back of her hand, and it soothed her instantly pressing a small smile to her lips.    
"Titus. Was the man's name, he was aggressive and foul mouthed, he treated me and Aden Exactly how the world see's us. Damaged and no good" Lexa breathed looking down to her lap using her spare hand to fiddle with the guitar strings. "Once Aden was playing with his toy car that he brought with him from his previous home. Titus lost it and hit Aden for being so loud, stopping him from being able to hear the TV properly. He didn't care for us, he just wanted the payment at the end of the month and the benefits to his home. Aden and i grew close, he was younger than me so i felt the need to protect him. So i did." Lexa admitted stopping as she felt the tight grip Clarke was holding. She didn't look up, if she looked up she wouldn't be able to tell her the complete story, so was glad when Clarke stayed silent.   
  
"we had a room, with a mattress and a wardrobe. We wasn't allowed to sit by the tv with him, and we got bullied when ever we left the house." Lexa admitted biting on her inner lip. This was something she never spoke of, it showed how weak she really was, the coward she had become. "When Titus would go on a attack i would shield Aden and take the full force. Bruises came after bruises. Aden would cry as he held me sore and limp. The pain faded along with who i use to be, it changed me and all i thought about every time i closed my eye's was the way my mum use to smile at me, and i would wonder where she is today" Lexa admitted feeling the tear's prick her eye's but she refused to let it stop her. "There was a guitar in the house, and slowly i learnt to play, i taught myself until i knew every note, and i got better over time. I Would play to Aden quietly when he would be scared or sad, and i would sing him that song." Lexa wiped her tears free from her face with her spare hand before pushing a smile to her lips a smile that couldn't have been more fake if she tried.   
  
"So. The answer to your question Clarke is, the song is from my past. It's about my mum, and Aden." Lexa smiled still not daring to Look at the blonde with her fierce grip.  
  
"Hey.." Clarke's soothing voice whispered and Lexa instantly felt Clarke shift her body facing the brunette before sliding her hand across Lexa's cheek urging her to look up. "Look at me" Clarke whispered. Lexa raised her head to Clarke's but her eye's were drew down Lexa knew if Clarke would look in to them now, she would see her for who she is, she would see the fear and the sadness stripped to it's raw core and Lexa didn't want that. She focused on Clarke's chin while gritting her teeth desperately trying to ignore the ach in her jaw telling her she wanted to cry. She clenched threw it gripping her teeth tighter and tighter all while looking at the Clarke's chin.   
  
"Lexa" Clarke whispered soothing her thumb over the brunettes cheek. "Look at me" She whispered once more moving her face closer to Lexa's. After a short moment Lexa's green glassed over eye's looked in to Clarke's and the blonde looked at her with so much Love, so much care and tenderness. The look that instantly made Lexa's jaw unclench and her frown appear as the tears slowly trickled down Lexa's strong cheek bones.   
  
"You are not Damaged and no Good" Clarke said firm but soft her thumb gliding back and forth as her eyes searched green. "Do you hear me?" Clarke questioned not expecting a answer. "You are so much more than you think" Clarke admitted. "You're so strong"   
  
"Im not strong..Cl-arke. Im weak" Lexa sniffled quickly wiping her tears away telling herself to stop.   
  
"Weak?" Clarke questioned. "is that how you see yourself?" Clarke questioned wanting to understand more. "Lexa. Having someone lay a hand on you is not weakness. In fact you showed your strength when you didn't stand aside and allow a small boy to be hurt." Clarke admitted her eyes franticly scanning Green eyes as her own tears fell. "You fort for yourself, and you fort For Aden. Every single time you Sang a song, Every single time you shielded Aden, you fort. Your still fighting now."  
  
"Clarke" Lexa mumbled looking down but Clarke didn't Allow it as she cupped both cheeks.   
  
"No. Lexa. You are strong" Clarke pushed begging the words to sink in to the broken girl in front of her. "You have no idea what i see" Clarke admitted pushing her hand threw Lexa's brown fallen locks at the side of her face, before taking Lexa in her arms and gripping her tightly in a hug.   
"Thank you for sharing that with me" Clarke finally breathed knowing it would have been hard.   
  
"I've never told anyone" Lexa mumbled in to the crock of Clarke's neck.   
  
They remained holding one another on the bed for sometime, neither wanting or daring to more. After days avoiding Lexa, Clarke was taking comfort in this small contact, as much as she avoided Lexa she craved her from the distance. Every time she woke in the night, every time she would see her sitting with her group of friends on the field on their lunch break. Clarke had even grew jealous of Anya and Lexa's close relationship not in that way, but for the reason being she would come home and find Anya and Lexa laughing and joking, Anya would wined Lexa up only for it to wined Anya up more as Lexa never gave much of a reaction.  
  
"Are you not going out today?" Lexa finally broke the silence pulling away from their close embrace, wiping at her damp cheeks. If the brunette wanted to forget the conversation for now, then Clarke would do just that, she would wait patiently for Lexa to speak more openly in her own time.  
  
"later" Clarke admitted "Fin is not finishing till late today, so i have to wait"  
  
"oh" Lexa replys turning her head to look directly in front of her instead of at Clarke. "Is that where you have been going?" Lexa pressed biting on the inner of her lip. She had suspected she was at Fin's or with Fin, as he seemed to be missing on some Lunch breaks with the blonde, and never went out with her friends as she had casually asked the small group what they got up to the night before.   
  
"Yes." Clarke smiled "We're kind of a team"  
  
"Oh" Lexa smiled, just as quickly as it was put on her face it quickly disappeared. She stood from the bed lifting the guitar strap over her head handing the instrument back to the blonde. Clarke took the instrument eyeing the brunette carefully as she walked back to her own bed.   
  
"Clarke" Lexa said softly placing her bum on her mattress. "You can go with Fin tomorrow to the festival, i can just go with Costia she already offered anyway"   
  
"Is that what you want?" Clarke questioned curiously never taking her eyes of the brunette "To go with Costia?" Lexa looked up catching blue with her own. She could be honest, she could tell Clarke that she wanted nothing more than to go with the blonde. She could tell her she had felt her fingers tingle the second Clarke stepped up and confirmed Lexa would still be going with her, Or she could lie. She could tell her that she didn't care who she went with, or that she would prefer to go with Costia, but then that would mean Clarke would spend the night with Fin, her ex boyfriend, or now current boyfriend again. Lexa fiddled with her own fingers in her lap, going over the answers she could give in her head to such a simple question.  
  
"What are you nervous about?" Clarke questioned drawing her eyes to Lexa's fiddling hand's and back to Lexa light green eyes.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Your fiddling." Clarke pointed "You fiddle more when your nervous. What are you nervous about?" Clarke almost ordered, but her tone remained calm and soft.  
  
"I..Um." Lexa fumbled on her words as she tried to stop the fiddling habit she had grew to take comfort in. "I..I kind of want to go with you" Lexa admitted looking to her lap. "But if you want to go with Fin, then that's fine too" Lexa hummed allowing her fingers to fiddle anyway. Clarke watched the brunette with a small smile on her face, she was cute when she got nervous, Clarke would never bore of seeing it.   
  
"i want to go with you too" Clarke admitted with a cheeky grin on her face, watching Lexa gaze catch her own. "Bedside's i chose your outfit, i get to see it first" Clarke grinned.   
  
"I'm going to look silly"   
  
"Your going to look incredible" Clarke announced moving over to sit beside Lexa. "trust me" Green caught blue, like they always did, they always found one another and Lexa would always smile.   
  
"I do" Lexa whispered knowing Clarke had no idea How much she really did. She watched Clarke's pearly white's appear in slow motion as her lips parted and showed her beautiful smile. Lexa just wanted to kiss her, she wanted to take those pink lips on her own, and taste Clarke all over again, but She knew she wasn't that brave, no matter how much she wished she was.   
  
"I've got to go" Clarke finally spoke breaking the silence and there close proximity as she stood to her feet. "Ill see you later?" Clarke questioned watching Lexa nod.

"Clarke" Lexa spoke quickly before she had time to disappear.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"I've missed this" Lexa admitted.  
  
"Me to" Clarke smiled lingering for a moment before she waved and disappeared out the bedroom.   
  
Lexa pushed back on the bed in a groan not exactly sure how she was feeling, on one hand she was excited giddy and nervous from just being around the blonde again, then on the other hand Clarke was on her way to Fin's house. She was on her way to her ex boyfriends house, maybe current boyfriend now, Lexa didn't know, but just saying that to herself didn't settle well. If Clarke was back with Fin what had she kissed Lexa for? Why had she asked her one night what she was doing to her as she kissed her more passionately? There were to many questions spinning round and round only building on top of one another as time went by with no real answers, the whole thing was becoming confusing, so Lexa didn't know if feeling jealousy bubbling in the pit of her stomach was something she had a right to feel. Clarke and her were never really anything at all.   
  
\--  
  
"Just ask her!" Anya mumbled kicking Lexa under the table as the four of them sat eating dinner.   
  
"Stop kicking me" Lexa whispered back rubbing her shin   
  
"Ask then!" Anya encouraged as Lexa cut threw her steak, she knew she needed to ask Abby before school tomorrow as it was first come first serve, and if she left it she could possibly miss out, but Lexa's mind was occupied already by the blonde who was absent at the table. She had already been gone three hour's, and she rarely missed dinner time, the brunette struggled to push the image's of Fin kissing Clarke how she once had, the moan's that would push past the blonde's lip's and echo in to Lexa's mouth as there tongue's had collided, she hated every thought that were uninvited in to her mind to do with Clarke with someone else, and if anyone was really paying attention to Lexa at the table, they would of noticed the way the brunette aggressively sliced threw the steak on her plate, to lost in thought to take care in anything.   
  
"Abby Lexa has something she want's to ask you" Anya announced with a smirk on her lip's as Lexa snapped her head at the dark blonde with wide eyes.   
  
"What's that?" Abby questioned looking to Lexa while popping a chip in her mouth.  
  
"no i don't" Lexa chickened out looking down to her plate.  
  
"Urh yes you do." Anya interrupts this time feeling a kick from Lexa under the table, a lot more gentler than Anya's. "Don't kick me" Anya smirks across the table making Lexa go red.   
  
"Im not" Lexa stutter's. She hated Anya sometimes.   
  
"Ask them the dam question!" Anya ordered. "Or ill do it myself"   
  
"Girl's" Jake interrupted "Would you just tell us what the question is please"   
  
Anya looked to Lexa waiting on the brunette to speak up only rolling her eyes when she remained quiet, earning herself another kick from Anya instantly making her head snap up, And Anya just sat there smirking.   
  
"Fine." Anya huffed. "Im going to tell you or this little chicken here will chicken out. Lexa wants to go to Thailand on a school trip, she had a letter somewhere or something" Anya babbled on not really knowing the full details.   
  
"Oh." Jake smile's while slicing at his streak. "The volunteering? Clarke has the same one, she left it on the kitchen side for us when she got home" Jake say's casually as if it was nothing new.  
  
"Um. Yes. i Hate to ask, as you have done so much for me alread-"  
  
"Lexa" Abby interrupts more softly with a smile on her lip's "How many time's have i told you, you are apart of this family now. Of course we will sign it"   
  
"Um. You...we have to pay for it" Lexa added incase the Griffin's wasn't sure it wasn't just a signature she was asking for.  
  
"We have read the letter love" Abby smiled "We're aware. Bedside's it seems like a amazing opportunity"  
  
"Thank you" Lexa finally say's the Griffin's never failing to stop amazing her.  
  
"See. That was easy" Anya whispered nudging Lexa after a few moment's. It really was.  
  
\---  
  
The darkness came to quick for Lexa, she had been watching the clock as she watched a movie with the Griffin's Eight o clock turned to nine, and nine turned to ten, and Still Clarke wasn't home yet. She really tried to not allow disappointment to consume her mind like it always did, she really tried not to let the thought of everyone disappoints you in the end, but she couldn't. The longer Clarke stayed out, the more Lexa was unable to focus on anything but her and Fin. Even when she tucked herself in bed that night, her mind was racing with the blonde, she had never felt jealousy before but she was sure this was it. She was sure that the sickening feeling she felt when she thought of kissing someone else was nothing but jealousy. She hated the thought, the image, the way her mind would not focus on anything else no matter how much she tried. It was possibly one of the worse emotions Lexa had experienced in her life as it didn't come alone, it came with anger, a ache in your stomach, and it hurt. Yet there was nothing she could do about it, as Clarke was never hers to start with.   
  
"What the fuck is that!" Anya snapped sitting up in her bed as lexa copied watching Anya's wondering eye's scanning her bed.   
  
"What?" Lexa questioned watching the dark blonde curiously.   
  
"Fuck!" Anya sprang out of bed after a moment of silence quickly standing up on Lexa's bed. "There's a fucking spider in the bed!!" Anya screeched  
  
"A spider?" Lexa questioned shifting from her own bed with a smile on her face, as her eyes scanned Clarke's bed for the creepy Crawley. "Awh it's just a spider" Lexa giggled reaching for the small eight legged thing as it ran along the bed sheets.   
  
"Did you just awh a fucking spider" Anya growled "Are you kidding me, there disgusting...get that god dam thing away from me" Anya demanded backing in to corner of Lexa's bed as Lexa had took a step closer holding the ugly thing. Lexa was unable to hold in her amusement as she giggled at the almighty Anya scared of a spider.   
  
"The spider is smaller than you" Lexa laughed   
  
"So is a god dam grenade but you don't see me picking one of those up do you!" Anya barked clearly in a mood. "Kill it" Anya ordered cringing watching it crawl in Lexa's palm.   
  
"No, ill let it out" Lexa spoke calmly unable to remove the amused smile from her lips.   
  
"What if it get's back in!" Anya whined   
  
"Just be grateful it's not a grenade" The brunette laughed heading out the bedroom to dispose of the creature.   
  
After that Anya had point blank refused to get in to Clarke's bed so she ended up sharing with Lexa for the night, their back's to one another in the small single bed leaving little room to move freely, it had took a while for Lexa to fall asleep as she kept thinking back to Anya screeching on her bed from a tiny spider, she found it highly amusing and couldn't stop giggling much to Anya's annoyance elbowing Lexa to shut up a number of times while pointing out it was 'seriously not funny' Of course that comment only made it worse for the brunette as every time it fell silence in the room she would struggle to silence her giggle. After countless nudged, countless giggles, and countless time's Lexa's mind wondered back to Clarke and what she was doing she eventually fell asleep with Anya snoring like a pig beside her, completely dead to the world. She never heard Clarke enter, she never saw the blonde stand froze to the spot as she watched her cousin and Lexa sleeping peacefully, she didn't feel Clarke stand by her bed and smile at the sleeping brunette before getting in her own bed.   
  
///  
  
Lexa woke that night like every other night for the last three days. She was coated in a thin layer of sweat with Anya still fast asleep beside her, Anya really did sleep threw everything and Lexa couldn't be more grateful. She would hate to have to explain it, the brunette was so worried about waking Anya she didn't notice Clarke was in her bed when she got up and made her way out the room to head downstairs, she didn't notice Clarke watching her with worried eye's, she didn't notice Clarke sit up the second Lexa headed out the room.   
  
Lexa switched the light on in the kitchen, running the cold tab before grabbing a glass from the cupboard, She took small sip's from the glass before placing the cold glass to her head in hope to cool her down. She hated waking threw the night sweating while shouting out. She hated that her passt could follow her anywhere and still haunt her no matter what she does. She felt there was no escape. Lexa wondered in to the living room scanning her eyes over the walls covered in photos. She had looked at them a number of times and each time they made her smile and ache at the same time. Clarke was much younger in the pictures her face coated in chocolate as she devoured a ice cream while only sitting in her nappy looking all innocent. A photo with all the Griffin's in a family portrait Clarke no older than seven as she gave a big goofy tooth grin.   
One photo that Lexa loved the most was Anya and Clarke in primary school in there little red and white dresses and pig tail's one with blue bow's in there hair the other with red. They were adorable. Lexa found herself smiling each time she would come across the photo's but also wonder what her family photo's would have looked like if her mother was still alive today. Would she have been just as happy as Clarke, smiling with a tooth grin? Lexa would never no, but it never stopped her imagining what life could have been like.   
  
"are you ok?" Clarke questioned leaning on the door frame wiping at her sleepy eye's before steeping closer to the startled brunette.   
  
"You scared me" Lexa admitted turning around seeing Clarke in her pyjama short's and vest.   
  
"Sorry" Clarke smiled taking a step closer, not even thinking about her next move of action as she snaked her arm's around Lexa. "Another nightmare?" Clarke questioned feeling the brunette nod against her shoulder.   
  
"You're home." Lexa point's out forgetting her nightmares. She was more happy to see the blonde home than she could possibly admit.   
  
"I am" Clarke smiled pulling away. "Where else would i be?" Clarke questioned with the softest smile.   
  
"Finn's" Lexa mumbled looking down between the two of them before meeting blue again. Feeling Clarke's hand rest on Lexa's hip had her finger's tingling like crazy, never mind having her standing there in short's and vest revealing the curve of her chest and her long legs on view.   
  
"I fell asleep" Clarke admitted smiling at herself "that's why i was late coming home. Thankfully the project is finished with"   
  
"Project?" Lexa questioned raising a brow as she searched blue, and blue searched right back.   
  
"Our English Project. We got teamed together"  
  
All Lexa heard was Project and teamed together. Those words alone made lexa feel lighter not realising she had felt so heavy about it, she must have done something for Clarke to notice a change as she smirked and giggled at the brunette in front of her.   
  
"Lex" Clarke hummed still guiding her thumb back and forth on the girl's hip. "Why was Anya in your bed?"   
  
"Apparently the mighty Anya is scared of spiders" Lexa giggled trying to think of anything but that gliding thumb. Failing of course. "There was one in your bed"   
  
"My bed?" Clarke's eyes nearly popping out her sockets "Did you get it out?" She questioned quickly making Lexa grin once more.   
  
"Are all Griffin's scared of spiders?"   
  
"You seen them?" Clarke questioned with wide eyes "There so ugly" Clarke tightens up her body thinking of them "Gives me the creeps"  she admits. "Did you get it out?"  
  
"Yes i got it out" Lexa laughed biting on her bottom lip at the sight in front of her. Clarke never looked more attractive in her sleepy state, her blue eye's a shade darker with her hair more wild from moving against her pillow, and still Lexa was unable to get the thumb moving back and forth out of her mind as Clarke's grip never loosened around her. Lexa loved it.   
  
"Don't do that" Clarke husked watching Lexa intensely before moving her hand and using her thumb to pull the bitten lip from Lexa's grasp. It felt so intimate and soft, the way Clarke's eyes were drew to Lexa's lips from such a small gesture like she had become hypnotised. "Don't do that" Clarke whispered once more like she had forgot she had already said it to lost in Lexa's lips. Only making Lexa want to bite it once more, as long as Clarke remained looking at her that way. "You have no idea how much i want to kiss you" Clarke breathed. Lexa almost shocked by the statement didn't move, her eyes scanning Clarke's features but she was lost unaware of anything other than the focus she had on Lexa's lip's. Lexa knew word's failed her in every sense no matter how much she tried to speak what she wanted it would never come out exactly how she wanted it, music was for that and so was writing in her book that she kept under her pillow, but standing here in front of a hypnotised Clarke with lip's parted, Lexa didn't want Clarke to just want to kiss her, she ache for her to do it. So Lexa bit her lip once more daring Clarke to lose control and kiss her, her knee's trembled when Clarke released a unsteady breath with lips parted, instantly feeling Clarke's grip on her hip tighten.   
"Lexa" Clarke breathed. Lexa felt the fierce grip the blonde had on her hip but her eye's were unable to do anything but nervously shift between the two darkened blue eye's in front of her. Clarke's eye's clamped shut along with her lip's as she released a slow heavy breath before flickering them open once more to capture Green. "Let's go sit" Clarke smiled pushing down the fire blazing urge to kiss the girl standing in front of her, her smile was behind gritted teeth and cursed thought's as Lexa allowed her to pull her to the couch looking a little confused at the change of mood.  
  
Lexa sat down first with her back against the armchair, leg's tucked beside her until Clarke sat down beside her pulling Lexa's leg's over her own pulling the blanket down from back of the couch over both of them. Clarke instantly finding Lexa's hand and tangling there finger's together.   
  
"Hi" Clarke smile innocently squeezing her hand with Lexa's  
  
"Hi" Lexa replied with her small timid voice. Both girl's fell silent, Clarke playing with Lexa's finger's from beneath the blanket and Lexa unable to stop studying the blonde in front of her, she looked like she wanted to speak, like she was nervous or something.   
  
"You mentioned your mum earlier" Clarke's voice was small as if testing the water's. "Do you no where she is?" Clarke questioned wanting to know everything about the girl knowing she barely knew anything at all.  
  
"I do" Lexa admitted now beginning to fiddle with the blanket threads with her other hand, she had never spoke of her past with anyone other than Aden. Nobody cared enough to ask, people would judge not needing to know her past or history. The Griffin's were different. Clarke was different. The blonde place her other had over Lexa's fiddling fingers with a soft smile.  
  
"We Can talk about something else." Clarke comforted with her soft blue eyes.  
  
"She died" Lexa breathed feeling brave when her eyes connected with Clarke's. "My dad actually...He is to blame" Lexa admitted  
  
"Im sorry" Clarke squeezed the brunette's hand "I didn't know" She rushed feeling like she crossed a line, she had assumed her mother was alive.   
  
"Don't apologise" Lexa Asked. Allowing the silence to linger between them for a moment once more.  
  
"Can i ask about Aden?" Clarke questioned not wanting to press on her mother's death any more, Lexa would tell her in her own time when she feel's ready. "If you don't want to talk about it we don't have to" Clarke reassured. Lexa wanted to tell Clarke she trusted her, she wanted to tell her she would tell her anything if she asked as the blonde made her feel more safe than anyone ever had in her life, she believed for the first time Clarke would protect her in anyway. The blonde had proven to do so when someone hurt her, called her name's and Clarke was by her side ready to rescue her from Murphy every time. As much as Lexa could say all of that, the way Clarke soothed her and the way her eye's looked at her she didn't feel like she needed to.   
  
"I was twelve when i was placed in Titus's  care, Aden was eight." Lexa admitted "He was a baby at heart, and would cling to me all the time. He was the first person since my mum died that made me feel like i had a little family. He was a trooper, we both got bullied as our clothes were run down's, we had nothing like everyone else, we didn't have toy's we didn't have family's. We only had one another and we protected one another the best we could" Lexa admitted feeling her palm's become sweaty against Clarke's.   
  
"I would have took care of you both" Clarke admitted wishing she had been around for Lexa when she was younger.   
  
"Im sure you would have" Lexa agreed. Clarke was just a old soul with a warm heart.   
  
"What happened with Aden?"   
  
"We both got separated, when Gustus was investigated "I got placed back in the system as a lost course, and Aden.. i don't know. I haven't seen him since. He will be almost 14 now"   
  
"That must have been hard" Clarke squeezed the brunette's hand making her look up.   
  
"It was. He was like my little brother. I think about him everyday" Lexa spoke more quietly. "Will find one another again" She hoped "We made a promise"   
  
"I hope so" Clarke beamed in hope of one day the two being reunited. She liked the idea of Lexa feeling like somewhere out there Lexa felt she had a tiny part of family left, even if they wasn't blood. "I would love to meet him" Clarke admitted.  
  
The girl's shifted position's laying side by side as they continued to talk about anything and everything that didn't matter. They smiled and laughed all while holding on to one another in one way or another forgetting it was now almost two o'clock in the morning with a long day ahead of them tomorrow.  
"Did it hurt?" Lexa questioned twitching her lip to the side.   
  
"A little" Clarke admitted. "But the pain eases and get's better. Have you never?" Clarke questioned unsure whether to ask about Lexa's Sex life.  
  
"No" Lexa admitted a little embarrassed while enjoying the soothing pattern's Clarke was drawing on the back of her hand. "I've never. People didn't look twice."  
  
"I find that hard to believe" Clarke admitted watching the brunette shrink in front of her letting her shoulders sag. "They must have been blind" Clarke whispered catching the beautiful green gaze staring right back. "You look sleepy" Clarke grinned seeing Lexa's heavy eye lid's pulling down.   
  
"I am" Lexa confirmed finally allowing her eye's to shut as she snuggled further in the couch, instantly reaching out and gripping Clarke's vest, instantly feeling Clarke's arm snake around her body and pull her closer, she tried not to think of Clarke's body heat pressed against her's, she tried not to think about the rapid beating of her heart while feeling Clarke's breath hit her face, and she tried not thinking about the look Clarke gave her when she bit her lip. Of course she failed each and everyone, thinking about them all a million mile's a hour while gripping Clarke's top tighter in her palm. The ache she had felt for day's wanting to be close to Clarke again vanishing with every breath she felt Clarke exhale.   
  
"i can't stop thinking about you" Clarke whispered after awhile causing Lexa's eye's to flicker open seeing Clarke already watching her. "I'm sorry" Clarke admitted "I shouldn't have said that, but i cant stop myself." she admitted while circling her thumb on Lexa's back over her top. "All i can think about is kissing you" Clarke whispered once more with her eye's still closed unable to rid Lexa's lip's from her mind. "I want to kiss you" Clarke admitted not daring herself to look at Lexa after her confession. All Clarke was silence and she was glad ever opened, she was glad she couldn't see the green orb's looking at her with confusion or with the distant look people held when they didn't feel the same. She knew she shouldn't have said anything, but at the same time she couldn't help herself, she wasn't sure she wanted to any more. Three day's without having Lexa in her life had been her most miserable, her mind was consumed completely by Lexa, when she couldn't see her she imagined her, when she couldn't hear her she thought of her laugh or her small innocent voice that made her cuter than word's could ever begin to describe, every single night she had ached to crawl in to bed and have Lexa hold her with that incredible grip. She hated how much she felt like she needed Lexa in everything she did and feared it more that Lexa didn't need it back.   
  
"Then kiss me" Lexa whispered. This time Clarke's eyes snapped open, it had felt like a lifetime ago since her confession and she wasn't entirely sure how long it had really been. She studied Lexa for a moment not sure whether she had had really heard it or not but when she watched Lexa's eye's scan her eye's then dropped to her lip's as if she was waiting on Clarke to make that final move.  
  
The blonde adjusted herself to lean over Lexa slightly, so she was able to look down at the brunette patiently waiting and watching Clarke's every movement, she looked small and vulnerable beneath the blonde, and Clarke's breathing paused as she moved her finger's to glide down length of the brown lock's beside Lexa's face.   
She adjusted herself once more leaning closer and closer toward's Lexa only allowing there eye contact to break when they would shift to each other's lip's while waiting in anticipation. When they were nose touchingly close Clarke watched the brunette's eye's flicker close releasing heavy breath from her nose, Clarke's body instantly was set on fire at the sight of Lexa wanting and waiting for there lip's to meet. She pushed her soft lip's to Lexa's plump one's. It was everything Clarke remembered, the taste, the feel, the fire that burned threw her body as there lip's moved in perfect sync with one another like they had been doing it a life time. Her moan's pushing past her lip's willingly unable to push them down from just the simple kiss. When there lip's parted neither girl's opened there eye's, both remained hovering so close to one another not wanting to move away, Clarke thought every urge she had to press her lip's back down to Lexa's and allow there tongue's to meet.  
That urge went unheard when Lexa connected there lip's together, Clarke's body went in to overdrive not expecting there lip's to be connected once more, never mind Lexa to be the one to connect them. The blonde smiled in to the kiss Losing every body control she ever tamed as she shifted above Lexa straddling her as she begged for entrance with her tongue. The second Clarke's tongue connected with Lexa's and a quiet moan escaped the brunette's lip's, Clarke's body pressed in to Lexa's feeling every curve against her own she felt her body slipping more and she needed and wanted to feel more of the brunette beneath her, she had never normally wore this little of clothing to bed, normally it was long pyjama bottoms and a t-shirt not a tight vest and short's, yet she wasn't complaining feeling every inch of Lexa's curve's pushed to her skin was making her body ache, crave, burn and feel good all at once.  
  
"Clarke" Lexa whispered pulling away from the kiss in hope to stop it going any further, she could feel Clarke's body pushing more and more in to her with every moan she released and she knew Clarke was lost in the moment. That only made Lexa more nervous, she wasn't ready for any of this. She wasn't like Clarke everything was new to her. Her first kiss was only with Costia a few week's ago and Clarke had done it all already, she wasn't ready for any of that.  
  
"im so sorry" Clarke quickly pulled her body away realising how much friction she was trying to get from Lexa's body. Her eye's filled with regret and fear. She thought she had fucked up  
  
"It's not that" Lexa's voice was small once more as she clung on to Clarke's top once more, as if she feared she would run. "Can we go to bed?" Lexa questioned searching blue.   
  
"of course" Clarke smiled pausing for a moment to look at the beautiful sight beside her. Her eye's softened and her lip's formed a smile thinking of there kiss and how Lexa kissed her again. "Let's go" She whispered kissing Lexa's lip's once more before standing up and taking her hand in her own.  
  
They walked upstairs quietly hand's gripping once another's as they made there way down the darkened hallway toward's there bedroom, there thought's both running away with there self, and Clarke decided she was fed up of being scared.   
She pulled at Lexa's hand bringing them to a halt facing one another.   
  
"Sleep in my bed with me?" Clarke whispered wanting nothing more than to snuggle down and fall asleep with one another. Lexa nodded squeezing the blonde's hand not wanting to wake any of the Griffin's up early hour's in the morning but that didn't stop Clarke with the beaming smile that spread across her lip's at Lexa's agreement. She leaned forward capturing Lexa's lip's on her own once more, this time slow and soft, there was no tongue's battling for dominance, there was no moaning in one another's mouth's even if Clarke was suppressing them when she felt Lexa's lip's respond like they always did. She was definitely falling for Lexa.   
"come on" Clarke whispered pulling Lexa forward once more in to there room after parting there kiss with Smile's on there lips.   
  
Their body's moulded together as one, Lexa palm found it's home around Clarke's top, while Clarke's arm's clung to Lexa for dear life. They had missed this for three day's and they certainly showed it to one another, as they fort against there heavy eye lid's watching one another, smiling at each other and occasionally releasing a quiet nervous giggle. Not alot was said between the two girl's about there feeling's that night, but the word's that had been spoken had changed so much. Clarke leaned forward countless time's pecking Lexa's lips unable to deny them any more, she never deepened it but she also couldn't stop doing it either, each time she pulled away a bigger smile replaced her lips. There grip's were tighter around each other and there body's pressed closer, both trying to deny sleep wanting to wake up and forget this moment. But when there eye lid's became to heavy their eye's closed squeezing one another in one way or another to confirm there still awake for now.   
  
"Clarke" Lexa whispered forgetting her fear, and Anya sleeping in the bed beside them. "You make my finger's tingle" She admitted in the darkened room. Clarke's smile only grew as she squeezed Lexa tighter, snuggling more in to the brunette's body, unable to speak as sleep took over her body.  
That night changed everything they would soon come to learn that.  
  
  
  
**Comments!?**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What you thinking!?  
> Not the chapter you was expecting i know, but i really, really needed this to come across first before the Halloween festival! Really sorry!  
> I promise next chapter is 100% Halloween festival and sexy outfit's and of course everything else, ill even make it extra long, let me know if you would love something included, it can be done!


	16. Halloween prt 1

**Lost And Insecure!**

As the blonde looked at her reflection a smile crept upon her lip's, the scare factor had slowly vanished threw the year's and become more sexy. Halloween was by far one of Clarke's favourite time's of the year, it was a night you could become who ever you desired and become people's deepest, darkest nightmare's, the air was thick with fear, laugh's and scream's and Clarke loved everything about the spookiness of the night as the sun would set. Of course this year Clarke was excited for more reason's, the first being she get's to see Lexa in a very sexy outfit revealing her long slender leg's and toned stomach. The second being her and Lexa are going together and the brunette had never experienced Halloween in a manner it deserve's she hadn't gone threw the spook's and the scream's and Clarke was more than excited to show her. The blonde also felt like something had changed between them last night. She wasn't entirely sure what or how it had changed, only that it felt good and lighter, as they both woke with smile's on there face with Clarke even giving her a sneaky kiss on the lip's that Lexa didn't deny.   
  
"Wonder woman...Sexy! Not trying to impress anyone are we?" She teased with a knowing smirk as she leaned against the door frame.   
  
"Wouldn't you like to know" Clarke grinned still eyeing herself in the mirror feeling more confident with Anya's compliment.   
  
"I would actually porky" She continued to smirk looking at Clarke's reflection in the mirror.   
  
"Why are you smiling like that?" Clarke questioned finally turning around to see what her cousin was up to.   
  
"Not smiling like anything"   
  
"You'r being weird" Clarke confessed after eyeing her smirking cousin for a second.   
  
"You'r being weird." Anya mimics still smirking knowing it annoy's the blonde to no end. "So who you looking all sexy for?"  
  
"No one" Clarke admit's turning back around to look at herself in the mirror in hope Anya wouldn't read anything "It's Halloween"   
  
"Hmm" Anya hum's still smirking "Where's Lexa?" Anya questioned crossing her arm's over her chest.   
  
"Bathroom, getting changed"   
  
"So she get's changed in the bathroom. Interesting"   
  
"Why would that be interesting?" Clarke questioned turning around to face her cousin once more with a annoyed expression.   
  
"no reason." Anya quirk's her eye brow at the blonde getting agitated in front of her. "Interesting" She smirked once more.   
  
"Anya!" Clarke snapped "Have you just come to annoy me?..Again?  
  
"Awh your cute when your mad?" Anya teased with a small giggle  
  
"well keep it up and im about to be real fucking adorable" Clarke bite's making Anya only giggle more, the dark blonde knowing it's a empty threat they always are.   
  
"Hi" Lexa interrupts the two griffin's as she nervously enter's with her arm firmly wrapped around her stomach, both Griffin's eye's widen as they take in the site in front of them, of course one griffin become's speechless and the other Griffin need's to learn to shut up.   
  
"Wow" Anya eye's lexa's entire body with a smile on her face "Fuck me, look at those leg's. Where have you been hiding those? Why would you even cover those?"Anya demanded a response, seeing Lexa dressed as Lara Croft was something she certainly wasn't expecting when she woke up this morning.  "You look hot!" She explained "Are they even real?" She questioned reaching out and touching Lexa's leg "i want these leg's" Anya admitted eyeing Lexa once more feeling more impressed by the second. Lexa couldn't help but laugh at the dark blonde, as confident and as funny as she was, she was a little dorky.   
  
"Thank's. I feel silly" Lexa admitted twitching her lip to the side.   
  
"Anything but.." Clarke finally breathed swallowing hard, finally making her presence known, her eye's trained to the brunette in front of her "You look.." Clarke was still struggling to form any sort of sentence, never mind tell Lexa how she made her body crumble from the second she walked in, taking away her voice and increasing her heart beat to a rapid pace like never before. Green met blue, and there was a glint in both girl's eye's with smile's forming on their lip's.  
  
"Anyway..I better get changed myself" Anya smirked looking to both girl's who seemed completely zoned out. "Interesting" She teased once more having Clarke snap her head to the side glaring at Anya, and with a quick laugh she disappeared down the hall.   
  
"You look good" Lexa admitted trying to resist the urge to roll her eye's at her terrible compliment, she hated how terrible she was at this.   
  
"Lexa. You look incredible" Clarke admitted ignoring Lexa's compliment completely, to focused on the beauty in front of her and she took small step's forward.  
  
"Thank you" Lexa smiled while Clarke reached for Lexa's hand's removing them away from her stomach.   
  
"Lara Croft is so you" Clarke teased but being completely honest, the outfit suited her more than she could begin to explain, she wasn't sure if it was the body, the eye's her lip's or even her hair, but everything about the outfit screamed Incredible. The blonde tangled there finger's together keeping Lexa from covering up, well that's what she told herself, when really Clarke just wanted to hold the girl in some way. "Are you nervous?" Clarke questioned. Watching the brunette nod. "Don't be, it will be fun"   
  
"Anya's coming"   
  
"She is..the school open it up to everyone you just have to buy your ticket's" Clarke explained. "Let's hope she wear's clothes this time" The blonde shook her head remembering what her cousin wore the year before. "Last year she dressed like someone in bay watch, so you can Imagen the looks we got"   
  
"Bay watch?"   
  
"Really?" Clarke questioned eyeing Lexa seriously "Never mind" Clarke laughed "Just be glad you wasn't there to witness a almost naked Anya. Anyway shall we go?" She questioned looking at the time. "It's three o'clock all the game's and fair rides will be open, but the maze's won't begin till dark"   
  
"Ok" Lexa said nervously "Is anya travelling with us?"   
  
"No she is meeting us there" Clarke smiled "Come on"   
  
"Clarke" Lexa quickly spoke stopping the blonde in her tracks "You look beautiful" Lexa finally manage's to say nervously biting on her inner lip.   
   
"Thank's" Clarke's face lit up, feeling like a nervous wreck. "Right back at you"   
  
The Second the word's left her mouth she cringed, cursing at herself for being so lame, losing any game she ever thought she had. The strong confident proud blonde always seemed to shrink and become just as nervous as the brunette that stood in front of her and it was beginning to get on Clarke's last nerve.   
  
  
\----  
  
The second the girl's exited the car Clarke made her way beside Lexa carefully reaching for the brunette's hand, making sure this was still ok to do in such a busy environment, thankfully Lexa took it with a gentle squeeze, and Clarke couldn't help but trail her eye's down the length of Lexa's body once more. She really did look breathtaking, Anya was right her Leg's are unreal. She watched Lexa's curious eye's scan to one thing to the next eager to take all the new surrounding in with excitement her smile was radiating as she admired all the young children's outfit's wearing goblin mask's or with fang's hanging out there mouth's. The school had truly pulled every sting they had, making the school field look more like a barn with hay scattered here there and everywhere, there were carved pumpkin's everywhere with load's of mini stall's full of fun game's with small reward's if you win. The sound of thunder and lightning echoing threw out the whole field with a howl of a wolf every now and again, as light's would flash for effect's.   
  
"This is incredible" Lexa breathed feeling a hay sack brush past her finger's as she continued to stroll threw hearing nothing but laughter, chit chatter and screams. The atmosphere was like no other as everyone was smiling laughing, or playing trick's on one another.   
  
"It is" Clarke admitted watching Lexa's smile radiate more. "What would you like to do first?" She questioned with a grin eager to begin the little new adventure for Lexa.  
  
"Don't we have to find your friend's first?" She questioned remembering they all agreed to meet up.   
  
"We should" Clarke bit her lip looking to the ground before looking up "I want to spend a little time just with you" she hesitated. Her palm's became sweaty and her heartbeat increased, she wasn't even sure why any more, she had already made it clear to Lexa she couldn't stop thinking about her, so why was she so nervous to admit wanting to spend some time alone. She didn't want to scare Lexa with her desire to explore what ever this feeling she was feeling was, even if deep down she already knew what all these feeling meant.   
  
"That would be nice" Lexa smiled squeezing the blonde's hand in reassurance taking away the doubt and fear Clarke just had and she couldn't help but release a nervous giggle at how Lexa was the one secretly reassuring her now. When it came to Lexa, Clarke was just as nervous and fidgety at Lexa was on a day to day basis.  
  
"Come" Clarke smirked pulling her to a small stand "will have three please" Clarke spoke to the man handing him some money as he handed her three ball's. "You have to get one ball in the bucket to win a prize" she instruct's handing over the small ball to a confused looking Lara Croft as she looked at the massive bucket not to far away.   
  
"That's easy" Lexa admitted looking a little confused as Clarke's smirk only grew.   
  
"Prove it" Clarke winked placing her hand on her hip as she turned to look at the bucket in front of them.  
  
"Ok" Lexa smiled turning to the bucket herself with a 'watch and see' look written all over her face only making the blonde laugh more. She tossed the ball gently in to the bucket only for it to hit the bucket and bounce out on to the ground, coursing Lexa to furrow her brow's. "That's cheating" Lexa blurt's out to see a smug looking blonde compressing her laughter.   
  
"Or your throw is lame" Clarke teased with a serious look and tone. "Not much of a stud now huh?" She grinned handing the brunette another ball. "Let's see if you can get it this time" Lexa took the ball unable to remove the smile from her lip's. She had never done anything like this before, nor had Clarke teased her in such a way, but she was loving every moment of it, with everyone buzzing around them playing many other game's something just sparked in Lexa, she was having fun. Real fun.   
"I'll get this one" Lexa say's confidently, this time taking her time to aim, gently pushing the ball in the bucket. A big grin crept on her face and quickly disappeared as the ball bounced out the edge once more.   
  
"So close" Clarke mock's with a giggle "Yet so far"   
  
"Your turn Clarke" Lexa play's back "See if you really are wonder woman"   
  
"Oh i am" Clarke smiled taking her place from Lexa as she held the last ball in the palm of her hand's "Let's make this more interesting. If i get it in i get to ask you any question i wish that you have to answer? Deal?"  
  
"Deal" Lexa agreed turning to face the bucket as Clarke aimed. The ball left the tip of Clarke's finger's hitting the top inner bucket bouncing down in to the bucket where it rolled back. The blonde laughed jumping up roaring her cheer's as she giggled at Lexa's expression.   
  
"How did you do that?" Lexa questioned looking to the blonde and bucket once more.   
  
"Wonder woman" Clarke simply giggled stated matter of factly placing her hand's on her hip's.   
  
"Choose your prize" The man grinned looking to all the teddies hanging around the booth.   
  
"I'll have that one" Clarke pointed to the lion.   
  
As the teddy bear was handed to Clarke she quickly handed it to Lexa with a smug grin on her face.   
  
"Here. You can have him" She smiled "i already won a question" She grinned taking Lexa's hand with her own once more, a feeling that felt so natural and comforting at the same time.   
  
"what's your question?" Lexa questioned while strolling threw the crowd's gripping tighter at the blonde's hand as they pushed past crowd's, Clarke stopping them at another mini game with a ladder and a bell.   
  
"Umm" Clarke think's eyeing the brunette curiously "am i a good kisser?" Clarke questioned unable to resist.   
  
The atmosphere for the girl's had changed since arriving at the festival, they were smiling, laughing and joking and Lexa was actually having fun while allowing the new surrounding sink in, something she had never experienced in the seventeen year's she could remember. So Clarke asked the question with no nerve's, not contemplating weather she should of shouldn't she just asked. Hoping she secretly knew the answer already Lexa had kissed her on more than one occasion and Lexa had even leaned up to catch her lip's once they had parted. Clarke just wanted some straight answer's for a change with out feeling the tension build between them, and this was the way that popped in her head.  
  
"You are" Lexa admitted nervously biting on her lip with a smile, and Clarke's smile widened.   
  
"I knew it." Clarke hummed looking to Lexa then to the two ladder's leading to a bell. "Play for a question again?" Clarke smirked.   
  
"What do you have to do?"   
  
"Climb the ladder and ring the bell, simple"   
  
"That's it?" her brow's furrowing once more.   
  
"That's it." Clarke admitted "of course the ladder isn't exactly steady. You have to balance. Look" Clarke gestured to the girl currently climbing the ladder struggling to keep it steady as it began swaying side to side before the girl fell of on to the cushion beneath.   
  
"That look's hard" Lexa admitted already trying to work out the best way to climb the ladder without it swinging side to side.   
  
"Us Griffin's are competitive. You better get your game on" Anya interrupted coming from behind them who had already found Octavia, Raven, Costia and Fin.  
  
Lexa and Clarke quickly turned around to face there friend's in there different costume's. Costia as Superwoman, Octavia as a angel, Raven as a dark angel, and Fin as Captain Jack sparrow.   
  
"Look at you" Costia interrupted eye's glowing from the sight of Lexa "You are.. wow." Costia smiled trailing her eye's down Lexa body as the brunette smiled back.  
  
"Thank you. I love your make up" Lexa admitted as the group looked to the side of Costia's face where it was perfectly painted to give the effect of a burnt face.  
  
"Thank's. Superwoman wasn't quite scary enough, i gave it a extra touch" Costia admitted with a beaming smile.    
  
Clarke just stood there uneasy with there encounter, they were always so relaxed and so chilled with one another, they bounced of one another with confidence, as nice as it was to see Lexa with confidence, Clarke secretly hated Costia was the one to help her with that. She just wanted Lexa to feel that comfortable with her to never feel that nervous with her.   
  
"So what were you guy's doing?" Raven questioned.   
  
"Me and Lexa were just going to race to the top" Clarke quickly turned to face the rest of her friend's removing her focus from Lexa and Costia's smiles and touches.   
  
"Leg's! Porky" Anya announced pointing to Clarke and Lexa to get there ass's up there "Game time. May the better Griffin win" She teased before pushing them toward's the ladders, as the girl's approached Anya took one more look to the side to the girl dressed as superwoman who seemed to be unable to take her eye's of Lexa.   
  
"leg's?" Octavia questioned standing by Anya's side.   
  
"Her new nickname" Anya admitted "Look at them" She nudged her head in Lexa's direction.   
  
"Jasper call's her that when she's not around" Octavia laughed "She wore leather pant's at Costia's party, apparently it's imprinted his brain"   
  
"Costia?" Anya say's her name looking to the girl beside her once more. "She seem's to like Lexa" Anya stated turning back to her cousin readying herself on the ladder as was Lexa.   
  
"You know don't you" Octavia breathed looking to the two girl's exchanging word's in front of them.  
  
"Of course i know" Anya admitted "When you share a room with them for a week, it's kinda hard not to hear them moaning while kissing in the bed beside you" Anya rolled her eye's at how useless her cousin was at keeping this quiet. "Beside's us Griffin's have a look. When it's given were in to deep."  
  
"They make out in bed?" Octavia smirked. "I just knew Clarke had a think for Lexa but was confused"   
  
"Be thankful you wasn't there i had to literally cover my ear's from stopping myself turning around and demanding them to stop" Anya pulled a sick face, trying to hide the fact she was happy for her cousin, she had heard there silent whisper's that had exchanged threw the night when they assumed Anya was asleep, and she had felt them sneak back in bed before she would wake to catch them together. If Clarke wasn't ready then she would wait, but she two felt her guard go up where Costia was concerned.  
  
"What are we talking about?" Raven interrupted dressed as a extremely sexy dark angel, matching perfectly with her make up, Anya didn't fail to notice.  
  
"Octavia here was just giving me some tip's" Anya lied  
  
"On?"She questioned looking to her best friend before looking back to Anya "Im sure i could help"   
  
"Im sure you could" Anya teased "Have a drink with me tomorrow" Anya asked allowing her confidence to show, she didn't care if it came across cocky or arrogant she knew she was hot, and she used it. "Show me what kind of dark angel you really are!"   
  
"Sorry i have a head ache this weekend" Raven grinned turning to face the girl's on the ladder's.   
  
"i see... playing hard to get"   
  
"No.. not hard to get just not interested"  
  
"Come see a movie with me and you soon will be" Anya raised her eye brow's stepping closer to the girl.   
  
"Ive seen that movie" Raven simply smile's showing her annoyance.   
  
"I haven't chose one yet"  
  
"Well which ever one you'r on about, ive seen it" Raven laughed looking to Octavia and back. "Look the girl's are getting ready" Raven brushes of trying to focus elsewhere.  
  
"Clever like the devil, only twice as pretty. This isn't over Reyres" Anya grinned turning back to the girl's in position with a smirk on her face.  
  
"What was that?" Octavia whispered   
  
"I Dont know" Raven replied looking to the girl's before scanning her eye's over Anya's outfit.   
  
\--  
  
"You ready wood's?" Clarke teased gripping tightly to the rope while looking over to a bent over Lexa in the same position.   
  
"i'll beat you this time" Lexa spoke with determination showing her competitive side, maybe she was a true Griffin after all.   
  
"Lexa" Clarke said a little softer after a moment, waiting on the brunette to look up "you really do look incredible" Clarke admitted feeling her body weaken at the sight not only was Lexa smiling but the smile met her eye's completely.   
  
"Ready?" The man questioned standing between both ladder's waiting on both girl's to nod.   
  
"Good luck" Clarke finally speak's one final time.   
  
"Go" The man shout's as both girl's begin slowly taking step by step.   
  
Lexa decided to put a foot one side of the rope and the other foot on the opposite side as soon as she did this however she realised it was a mistake as the ladder would rock aggressively to both side's when she struggled to take the next step. She managed three step's before the ladder tossed around throwing her off. While Clarke kept her feet in the centre of the ladder taking each step slowly. She knew she would win this, dance was a passion and that included alot of balance, the only time she faltered when she struggled to contain the laughter in when she watched Lexa tumble down. A few second's later she rang the bell with cheer's from her friend's and a shake of the head from Lexa.  
  
"That was harder than the first one" Lexa laughed stepping down with Clarke as Clarke claimed another prize picking a lion once more.   
  
"I believe i won another question" Clarke teased handing over another lion to Lexa.   
  
"are you conning me?" She questioned brow's raised   
  
"Maybe" Clarke laughed approaching her friend's once more, the question could wait for a moment.   
  
"unlucky Lex!" Costia said almost immediately. "Clarke you did that rather quick" She said impressed.   
  
"Thank's. Who's next?" She questioned wanting to get the attention of herself.   
  
"Reyres" Anya grinned piping up "Care to challenge me?" She questioned with her arm's crossed and back straight  
  
"If you think you can take me?" Raven's smug grin appeared on her face quicker than you could switch a light switch.   
  
"Oh i know so" Anya added. "Let's make this interesting.."   
  
"Anya Rav-" Clarke started but was cut of with a raise of Anya's hand.   
  
"Name it" Raven said rather confidently.   
  
"If i win, you. me. date"   
  
"Ok" Raven laughed "And if i win?"  
  
"You won't, But ill allow you to let your's be known"   
  
"Anya" Clarke tried once more only to be cut of this time by raven with the look and a smile.   
  
"ok. If i win you strip to your bra and underwear at the after party for the entire night, no complaint's. And we get to put you on that stand over there" Raven pointed "And all have a go at throwing cake in your face, one shot each"   
  
"Deal" Anya laughed holding her hand out "Like taking candy from a baby" She grinned only for Clarke to place her face in her palm with a shake of the head.   
  
"What just happened?" Lexa questioned watching the two girl's approach the ladder handing there money over.   
  
"Well... Anya just made a deal she is guaranteed to lose"  
  
"Why will she lose?" She questioned looking at a smug Anya winking at Raven for her to roll her eyes.   
  
"Raven done gymnastic's her balance is incredible. She had's done these many time's and none of us can beat her" Fin pointed out stepping beside the two girl's "Hi Clarke" He smiled before turning back to the two competitive girl's   
  
"And what's Anya like?"   
  
"She's like me."Clarke smiled "Raven beat's me every time"   
  
"Oh" Lexa nodded looking to Clarke before turning her attention to the girl's getting ready.   
  
  
"You can look at my butt if you want" Anya smirked turning to face the Latina "It's a good bum i promise"   
  
"Vain much"   
  
"Called confidence" Anya pointed wiggling her eyebrow's   
  
"Your confidence is about to be knocked down a peg" Raven grinned never wanting to beat someone so much.   
  
"Your sexy and funny" Anya laughed "I like it"   
  
"Ready?" The man questioned looking to both girl's   
  
"Good question. Are you ready over there Reyres?" Anya teased.   
  
"Ready when you are!"  
  
"Go" The man shouted stepping back, as both girl's began climbing the ladder, one foot in front of the other, both girl's chose to place there feet in the middle of the ladder much like Clarke did only before Anya could make it to her fourth step Raven had already rang the bell, quickly jumping of the ladder with hand's on her hip's with a shit eating smug grin. Anya's mouth was left wide open as her head snapped up realising her defeat, before closing it again with a smile.  
  
"You getter hotter by the second" Anya admitted ignoring her defeat and continuing to flirt.   
  
"Your ridiculous" Raven announced stepping down back in to the small group.   
  
"Where have you been all my life?" Anya questioned following behind.   
  
"Hiding from you" Raven snarled rolling her eye's as she approached her friends. Anya only laughed at the girl's witty tongue not only was she sexy she was witty, flexible and could move quicker than lighting, with every shut down Raven gave, Anya only became more intrigued.   
  
"Feisty one you got there porky" Anya grinned stopping by Clarke's side.   
  
"Anya what the hell are you wearing" Clarke finally acknowledging her cousin's outfit.  
  
"Oh this?" Anya questioned looking down at herself "Hot right?" she grinned at her witch costume.   
  
"Not exactly the word i would use. slutty would be more accurate"  
  
"Exactly. Hot" Anya laughed. "Now come on, you guy's have some cake to throw at this sexy face" She laughed walking off to the small stall.   
  
"She is nut's" Costia finally laughed watching there encounter "I love it" She laughed while all the group followed Anya.   
  
\--  
  
"Give it your best shot leg's" Anya grinned wiggling her eye brow's before looking down to the splattered cake's dripping down the board covering her body.  
  
"Scared Griffin?" Raven questioned standing to the side waiting on her shot.   
  
"Please. You lot are terrible, there's only you Porky and Leg's here left." Anya laughed   
  
"Come on Lex. You can do this" Raven encouraged as Lexa stood at the ready.  
  
Like the rest of them she threw the cake and missed not even hitting the board as it flew beside the stand completely.   
  
"Ooook That was awkward" Anya chocked up a laugh as Lexa stood awkwardly looking around hoping nobody seen, but of course the whole group seen that terrible shot and burst out laughing. She quickly turned around to rejoin the rest of the group who stood there watching as Clarke took a step forward. "Ahh my fellow Griffin" Anya smirked "Good luck to you" she mocked.   
  
As the blonde reached over to take a cake from Raven  they both smirked at one another exchanging a look of which only best friend's would understand, they gave each other a small nod before turning back to focus on the dark blonde with her head pushed threw a hole looking way to smug. Clarke knew she wouldn't miss, not because she had a incredible shot, but because this way way to good of a opportunity to miss, never again would she get this opportunity and she was going to thoroughly enjoy it.  
  
"When your ready porky" Anya Grinned as Clarke stood in position ready to fire. She pulled her hand back with a quick glimpse to Raven who was making her way closer while the Clarke had her distracted, she threw the cake forward hitting Anya half in the face with a squishing noise.   
  
"Ohh" The small group all shouted in union immediately beginning to laugh with a half cake covered Anya. Anya laughed after a second of shock beginning to wipe at her eye's in ready to see the group all giggling, but when her eye's opened she was met with a very beautiful Latina standing directly in front of her, her smile twitching instantly.   
  
"Come to lick it of?" Anya teased  
  
"Not exactly" Raven grinned quickly shoving the cake in her face with a twist and turn to make sure it was rubbed in good and proper finally allowing the cake to drop from Anya's face to the ground covered in cream. "At least now you'r a little sweet" Raven laughed turning on her heel back to her giggling friend's.   
  
\--  
  
Clarke was finding it difficult to have a moment alone with Lexa with the entire group now formed, the blonde would mainly be standing side by side with Octavia and Bellamy as they chit chatted amongst one another, of course people would shift moving to a different part of friend's as they were either behind each other or in front unable to all stand in a complete circle from how crowded the festival had become. She had looked a Lexa a dozen time's that night but Costia seemed to always be by her side, admittedly when Clarke looked up once to look at Lexa who was already looking at Clarke her smile grew instantly.  
  
"Hi" Fin grinned stepping forward his skin looking slightly dirtier than normal as he try's to pull of Captain Jack Sparrow.  
  
"Well hello Jack" Clarke smirked turning to face him. "Haven't got any Rum in that drink have you?" She teased knowing the film far to well.  
  
"I wish" Fin admitted "Can we talk for a sec?"  
  
"Of course" Clarke smiled stepping beside him as he moved aside. The two stepped away from the group out of ear-shot but still in clear view as they stood still not to far away,

"You look amazing tonight Clarke" Fin admitted finally acknowledging her outfit.  
  
"Thank's. So do you" She smiled admiring the way he did his eye liner to pull of the Jack effect.  
  
"I suppose i just wanted to say a few thing's" Fin finally admitted getting to the point looking a little nervous than a few second's ago. "We been spending more time together lately.." He trailed looking to his feet then back to Clarke once more. "it's been nice.."  
  
"I think so two" Clarke admitted. The many night's she had spend at Fin's had been a perfect distraction from the brunette she had at home, the English project couldn't have came at a better time.  
  
"I was hoping...well.." Fin nervously shifted foot to foot itching the back of his head "That maybe..you had space, and maybe you wanted to retry..with us i mean" Fin finally spoke releasing a breath the second he finished.  
  
"Fin.." Clarke said more softly giving him a sympathetic look that he already picked up on when his gaze dropped quickly. "im really sorry.." She tried knowing he already understood her response. "I love you. I do. Just not like that" She tried reaching out and taking his hand with her's giving it a gentle squeeze. "I don't want to hurt you, is why im telling you"   
  
"It's fine Clarke" He smiled with it not reaching his eye's "You don't have to explain" He assured squeezing her hand back.   
  
"I don't...but please believe me we when i say it really isn't you" She breathed looking to Fin before turning to face the small group in search for Green. She found them instantly staring back, watching the encounter the blonde was having with her ex boyfriend before realising she had been caught and snapped her head back to Costia.   
  
"For what it's worth, i do want you to be happy" Fin admitted.   
  
\--  
  
Lexa's tried listening to Roan and Costia, the main word being tried, failing massively as her eye's kept shifting to the blonde walk away from the group with her ex boyfriend. She played her role and smile or nodded when Roan or Costia would look at her in hope that response was good enough to let them think she was listening, as her eye's trailed repeatedly back and forth to Clarke and Roan who was talking about his outfit as Batman, Only when her eye's trailed back to Clarke once more her eye's focused there instead of shifting back Clarke and Fin's hand found one another. The hand Lexa had been holding not to long ago, the more her mind ran away with itself, the more her eye's were transfixed on the pair, with Clarke and Fin smiling at one another. She wondered what they were saying, she wondered why there were holding hands's and why they needed to walk away from the small group. When Clarke turned around and catching her watching she snapped her gaze back to Costia biting the inner of her cheek keeping her back completely to Clarke not daring to look once more. Yet for some reason her eye's trailed to the ground unable to pretend to be listening any more her mind quickly consumed by Clarke. Was she getting back with Fin? She knew that didn't settle easy with her as her stomach turned at the though't biting her inner cheek harder. Lexa could deny it as much as she liked, but she had to admit Clarke had made her feel more thing's she had ever felt in her life, with a new kind of happiness, a new kind of living. I mean look around Lexa was standing here with the popular's blending in as if this was where she always's belonged, throwing cake at Anya's face while having friendly competition. Clarke had changed her life, she was no longer the girl left in the corner with no one interested to even ask her name, she was now Lexa with a nickname 'legs' She was Lexa who sat on her break's in a circle of friend's who would talk about anything and everything introducing each other as there second family. Lexa looked up to the small group talking nonsense to one another, teasing one another as the other hit the other in there arm, and she smiled. This small group had grew to her every time they sat down on the field with her she would notice when one was missing. Clarke had protected her with a family, a family at home and a family at school, yet the family wasn't the same for Lexa when Clarke wasn't around. The blonde shaped it, created it and kept them together she was the main source that kept them in check, together with her witty humour and soft heart.

 "What you thinking kid?" Anya questioned quietly standing beside Lexa. Nodding for Lexa to follow as she pulled her forward leaving the small group as they walked side by side around the festival.   
  
"Family" Lexa admitted as she watched two small boy's chase each other with there growl's.   
  
"Overwhelmed?" Anya questioned with a smile to her lip's  
  
"Something like that"   
  
"Yeh" Anya breathed. "Welcome to the Griffin's" She smiled "Clarke Love's these guy's" She admitted "I never really had the opportunity to meet all of them as i live far away, but she love's them as if they were a Griffin, and your one of them now Leg's get use to it because your not going anywhere" Anya grinned linking her arm threw Lexa's as they continued to stroll.   
  
"For the first time, i don't want to leave"   
  
"Good, because your not. No matter what you do, or how far you go your stuck with us all. Even Clarke's little family of friends it seem's you have fitted right in." Anya chimed "Anyway i have to ask, Costia, what's happening there?" She questioned.   
  
"How do you mean?"   
  
"Well she might aswell dribble on you, with how much she eye fuck's you" Anya announced like it was nothing new.   
  
"What?" Lexa furrow's her brow's nervously as she take's a quick glance back over to her friend's.   
  
"You don't notice?" Anya questioned.   
  
"Um. No?" The shyness radiating from Lexa once more. "Were just friend's. She was my first friend here."   
  
"Well i think she is crushing on you" Anya furrowed "Any crushing back?" Anya questioned more quietly and softer at the fragile brunette, sometime's it was easy to forget the real state Lexa was, a nervous wreck, shy and timid. Lexa always seemed so confident with Anya maybe because she had spend every hour after school with her for the week but Anya could easily forget she was a foster child who looked like they were walking on ice majority of the time.  
  
"No" Lexa confirmed "She just a real good friend. I don't see her like that"  
  
"Good" Anya grinned "She's sketchy" Lexa laughed at the dark blonde assumption thinking she was completely wrong   
  
"She's actually really nice" Lexa admitted remembering the first day of school when she stood up to Murphy and helped her to her feet, even sat with her threw out lunchtime making light conversation.   
  
"Will see" Anya said unconvinced, not sure if it was more worried for her cousin with Lexa or just a real feeling she got. "Come on let's see if we can get Clarke on the Ferris wheel"  
  
"Why wouldn't she?" Lexa questioned walking back to the group where Clarke had now joined.   
  
"She is shit scared of height's" Anya laughed "Such a baby!" she grinned approaching the small group. "Who's up for the Ferris wheel" Anya shouted turning to wink at Lexa before separating to a different part of the group as Clarke approached the brunette.   
  
"Hi" Clarke beamed "I must admit, i don't think it will get old seeing you in that outfit" Clarke said rather confidently. Lexa's nerve's rushing back as she stood there with a smile not sure what to say to that. As much as she loved Clarke in her wonder woman outfit, Lexa thought the beauty laid within when Clarke was natural with no black wig or fancy outfit, she loved the blonde lock's that flowed effortlessly down her shoulder which matched perfectly with her rare shade of blue. Lexa wasn't about to admit all that.   
  
"Im never been on a Ferris wheel" Lexa finally spoke finding Clarke's hand with her own naturally keeping it swaying between them as she fiddled with Clarke's finger's nervously. For a moment they remain silent, Clarke debating whether to pull Lexa closer by her hand's at how cute she could be, how adorable her shyness was, as much as she wanted Lexa to feel confident with her, she also never wanted it to go.   
  
"it's beautiful." Clarke breathed "You get to see the city light's from the top" Clarke smiled "I'm scared of height's though" Clarke admitted finally looking to the large ride she had hoped to avoid.   
  
"Oh" Lexa said softly "That's ok. We can wait here" Lexa finally smiled  
  
"You don't have to miss it because of me, you can go on with someone else"   
  
"it's ok. I never been on one anyway" Lexa squeezed Clarke's hand in reassurance, she had came here with Clarke nobody else, so there for she wouldn't do what Clarke didn't want to.  
  
"Come on" Clarke smiled pulling the brunette forward.   
  
"Where are we going?"  
  
"To the Ferris wheel. You are getting on" Clarke smiled nervously standing behind her friend's in a line.   
  
"we don't have to" Lexa tried to reassure.   
  
"I Want to" Clarke lied. She didn't want to, she didn't want to one bit, she hated heights with a passion, the thought of going that high in such a small chair barely secured in place made her feel sick, yet she couldn't and wouldn't let Lexa miss out on something she had never done, she wanted to see the smile radiate from her lip's once more, even if that meant she could slowly feeling every nerve twitch in her body as the line moved down closing in on her. Her palm's were sweaty as they locked her in place, her heart pounding as the nerve's rocketed threw her bone's gripping on to the metal pole in front of her as the ride started to move upwards, turning her knuckle's white.   
  
"Clarke" Lexa tried seeing the blonde in the seat beside her, she had never seen her with such fear.  
  
"Im fine Lexa" Clarke tried convincing Lexa even though her eye's were clamped shut holding on tightly as the Ferris wheel slowly raised higher and higher in a slow motion speed. Lexa shifted closer in her seat to Clarke feeling amused yet sorry for the blonde at the same time "No don't move"Clarke ordered a little to late as she felt her chair shake from the movement.   
  
"Sorry" Lexa apologised looking to Clarke's tight grip on the rail, she edged her hand under Clarke's taking fierce grip from Clarke instead. "What scare's you from height's?" Lexa questioned not understanding the fear at all, you go up you go down simple.  
  
"the drop" Clarke spoke behind gritted teeth as if all her face was clamped closed. "The fear of falling, it's not as bad if im strapped in i feel more secure" Clarke admitted "But this is just a railing, and it shake's if you move. So don't move" Clarke pleaded.   
  
"i Won't" Lexa promised looking around at the view that was slowly beginning to appear before her of the city she lived in. "Wow" Lexa smiled taking in all the light's lit up across the town, the festival beneath looked beautiful and busy.   
  
"amazing right" Clarke confirmed still with her eye's clamped close her hand gripping Lexa's tighter than ever and Lexa stop's herself from saying 'Ouch' out loud.   
  
"It is" Lexa breath's turning back to Clarke once more. "Open your eyes"   
  
"I Can't"  Clarke whine's wishing she could, but the fear would only get worse.   
  
The Ferris wheel peak's to the top and the view is incredible Lexa can't help but admire Clarke more, with her eye's closed Lexa could do as she pleased freely. She had so many thing's she wanted to say to Clarke, so many thing's she wanted to reveal yet every time she made eye contact with the blonde, she would forget, her word's would crumple to something pathetic and her nerves would kick in making her feeling's and emotion's take a step down to scared to confirm or admit anything, but with Clarke's eyes closed her feeling's were on the tip of her tongue ready to be revealed..  
  
"Do you trust me Clarke" Lexa questioned squeezing Clarke's hand gently.   
  
"More than anything" Clarke breathed after a moment.   
  
"I won't let you fall" Lexa assured "I promise" Lexa tried watching Clarke's every movement "Open your eye's" She asked once more "Just look at me"   
  
"Lex" Clarke said nervously holding on to Lexa alot tighter than before as Lexa turned in her seat to face the blonde completely, slowly but gradually Clarke's eye's flickered open immediately starring in to green    
  
"I won't let you fall" Lexa assure one more time smiling as she stared in to green. "Hi" Lexa breathed face's inching from Clarke's noticing Clarke's eye's wouldn't focus anywhere else but Lexa.   
  
"I trust you" Clarke finally whispered. Pushing as much fear as she could down, but never letting up on the tight hold on Lexa.   
  
"Thank you for coming on with me"   
  
"Your welcome" Clarke smiled taking in every speck of Green Lexa's eye's held like never before, the moonlight reflecting perfectly from them. "Your eye's are incredible" Clarke breathed not the first time. When she got lost in them it was hard not to get lost in them and confess how deep and incredible they were. Only Lexa was doing the same thing, admiring the bright blue eye's that held fear she found it fascinating how they would change shade with her mood, they were indescribable, and some how made Lexa weaken every time, As she leant forward with no fear, no thought's, no doubt's capturing Clarke's lip's with a heavy breath letting her eye's flutter closed.   
  
"Im sorry" Lexa mumbled slowly pulling her lip's apart barely space between them. She felt Clarke release her tight grip letting go of her hand, not daring to open her eye's.   
Clarke pushed her cold hand across Lexa's cheek holding her jaw line with her finger's playing with the baby hair's on Lexa's neck   
  
"Dont apologise" Clarke husked pushing her lip's back on Lexa's. "Never apologise" She mumbled between kisses.   
  
To lost to care how high she was, to lost to care how far she could fall. To caught up in feeling happy to feel any fear at all. As Lexa's tongue came in to contact with her's she whimpered pushing her own against Lexa's. This kiss was more than anything she had felt, not only did Lexa kiss her proving she wanted Clarke just as much as Clarke wanted her. The kiss was just mind blowing, it wasn't a kiss she had shared with any other not like Fin, nothing like Fin.   
This was a Lexa kiss, more exciting, more sensual, more... everything. Clarke Never wanted to stop when ever her lip's found Lexa's.   
  
"You taste so good" Clarke whispered resting her forehead on Lexa's as she opened her eye's "Are you'r finger's tingling?" She questioned with a smile. The smile only growing as Lexa nodded nervously. As the ride came to a end the girl's separated jumping of the ride with big smile's on there face's Lexa's a little more nervous than Clarke's.   
  
The Field fell pitch black, with some shrieks and laughter to be heard across the field, the sound's mutes and the effect's stopped for a few second's as Clarke turned to face Lexa with a big grin on her face.   
  
"Ready to be scared to death?" Clarke teased as the effect's restarted.   
  
The lighting effect's became more louder above them as the sky flashed with bright light's a evil laugher filling the speaker's as a man crackled with the most evil tone Lexa had ever heard. Clarke giggled beside her watching Lexa becoming more confused.   
  
**"Tis now the very witching time of night, when churchyard's yawn and hell itself break's out!"  
  
** The sound of a deep voice echo's threw the speaker's before clashing the thunder louder together once more. Before the evil laugh fade's from the speaker's once more. Bringing the light's back to life at the festival.   
  
"It's maze time!" Raven grin's jumping over to the two girl's with friend's in tow "Who's ready for see some skidder's"  
  
"Your disgusting" Octavia laughed Pulling Raven along.   
  
"Ready?" Clarke questioned turning to the nervous looking brunette "Ill protect you i promise" She winked pulling the brunette toward's the entrance of the maze.   
  
  
**'Come little children don't take me away. In to the land of enchantment. Come little children the time's come to play, here in the garden of shadow's"  
  
** As they stood waiting in the entrance area next to enter, hearing the scream's beyond the door's Clarke couldn't help but laugh at the music that was playing in the waiting area.   
  
"Scared?" Clarke questioned Lexa as the group stood one behind the other hand's gripping eachother's hip's.   
  
"Not at all" Lexa assured beginning to sing the song quietly "Follow sweet children, ill follow the way, threw all the pain and the sorrow's" She hummed feeling Clarke squeeze her hip gently.   
  
"Fuck of can you sing, and have leg's like that!" Anya snapped standing straight releasing Octavia's hip's   
  
"She can play guitar two" Clarke added with a small giggle  
  
"Shut the front door!" Anya "Full of surprises woods. Nice voice by the way" She smiled placing her hand's back on Raven's hip's. "And you my lovely have incredible hip's"   
  
"Why have i got her behind me" Raven snapped standing up   
  
"So i can protect you.. duh" Anya grinned forcing Raven to turn back around before gripping her hip's once more as the group of friend's laughed.   
  
"Oh were going in!" Raven said excitedly but nervously as she stood at the front.   
  
The inside was nothing like the entrance, the music was crackling laughter, sounds of scream's thunder, and moan's no doubt from monster's. As they took small step's forward the group all on extra caution as they press forward expecting something to jump out at them at any point, well all accept Lexa who had no idea what to expect, until someone grab's her leg from  a secret slot hole making her scream and jump like she never had before. The group all turning and laughing suddenly becoming more nervous as the nightmare begin's.   
  
"Rahh!! A man in a zombie mask pop's out from the side of the wall shouting and screaming in Raven's face as she laugh's and bury's her face trying not to look at him to much with a edge of fear despite knowing it's not real. Clarke becoming a giggling wreck as everything that poped out making her jump then giggle, while Lexa became a nervous wreck.   
  
"Fuck off" Anya snapped having a dead girl jump out at her with a knife. mimicking her word's after in a husky deep tone.   
  
As they followed around the maze with countless thing's jumping and out at them they came to the last room, the whole group knowing this was alway's the worst that gave you the buzz to fucking run for your life. All accept Lexa of course. The room was almost pitch black, spider wed's hanging everywhere causing Costia to screech when she walked face first in to one turning in to a karate master while removing it.   
  
**"Drag her to hell!!"** a strong voice echoed seeing a man charge for the nervous group who all screamed mixed with laugher as Lexa' went wide eye'd as her tore her away from the group. She screamed naturally unsure of what was going on as she pushed back and ran toward's the group becoming a nervous state in to Clarke, who was laughing uncontrollably.   
  
"It's ok" Clarke assured threw giggle's "It's not real" She assured holding Lexa tightly still unable to hide the amusement, she should properly have warned the brunette or what to expect. The lighting flashed once more showing another man in a gas mask and a chainsaw in the far corner, as the lights flashed once more the man started the chainsaw rattling it in the air as he began charging towards the group.   
  
"Run!" Clarke shouted with a smirk on her face at a frightened looking Lexa. The whole group turned running toward's the exit as the man charged for them all, as they broke threw the door's the laughter started, accept for Lexa never experiencing anything like that before in her life.   
  
"I Think it's safe to say Lexa was the one with the Skid's this time" Anya laughed as Clarke made her way over to the worried looking brunette   
  
"Are you ok?" Clarke questioned.   
  
"i didn't like that" Lexa explained shaking her head, looking back to the door as if it was hell itself.   
  
"I thought you were fine" Clarke teased gripping Lexa's hand with her own.   
  
"Bloody web" Costia spat as she interrupted the girl's interaction "you ok?" Costia questioned more concerned than Clarke came across.   
  
"Yeh..i think ill miss the next one" Lexa admitted feeling Clarke's thumb sooth her hand, making her gaze shift to clarke for a second who had a soft smile on her lip's.   
  
"Me too ill wait with you"   
  
"Pussy's!" Anya announced "Come on Porky!" Anya grinned dragging her cousin to the next maze backward's as Clarke was like a love sick puppy keeping her gaze on Lexa with a bite of the lip having a thought no other than 'Lexa was sexy when scared'   
  
"After party next bitches!!" Octavia shouted as they all headed in next maze.   
  
\---  
  
  
Costia's house was packed some costume's half removed some kept the same, the smell of alcohol was consuming the entire house as the music blasted threw the house. Lexa had decided she didn't want to drink tonight as much as she had fun last time it wasn't her thing. Clarke how ever was already halfway looking over her cup at lexa from across the room with a flirty smile while engaged in conversation with Octavia and Raven. Lexa had got in the car with Costia here as she had offered and Clarke could fit other's in her face, but the blonde wasn't bothered. Her smile remained fixed on her lip's while staring at the brunette not even attempting at hiding it, if anyone was to look at Clarke she looked love sick, as her eye lashes flickered over her cup, hiding the big smile that just would not stop. She didn't care Lexa shared a care with Costia, Lexa had kissed her only moments ago with her own freewill, Costia got a kiss in a cupboard that was forced.   
  
"You know your not exactly discreat right?" Octavia spoke once Raven left to get another drink.   
  
"What?"   
  
"You eye fucking Lara Croft over their" Octavia pointed taking a swig of her drink. "What's happening with you two?"   
  
"I don't know" Clarke shook her head with her love sick smile "She kissed me on the Ferris wheel"  
  
"I know" Octavia nodded sucking her lip's in her mouth   
  
"What do you mean you know?" Clarke snapped her head to Octavia.   
  
"Well.. we were all on the Ferris wheel aswel you know..i was stuck behind you"   
  
"What?" She questioned a little quickly not ready for people to know about her sexuality, if it had changed at all. Hell course it's changed! "Who were you sitting with?"   
  
"Bellamy"  
  
"He.."  
  
"Yes he saw. He won't say anything, although he was enjoying it a little to much"   
  
"Gross" both girl's say in union.   
  
"So she a good kisser?" Octavia questioned.   
  
"Octavia, she it..amazing" Clarke blushed looking to the brunette from across the room once more who was deep in conversation with Roan, who happened to be leaning way to close to her than necessary with his arm against the wall Lexa is currently leaning on, making her smile drop slightly.  
  
"Well look's like you have a bit of competition on your hand's if you ask me" Octavia laughed. Roan was the typical gentleman, the womaniser of the group, what he wanted her normally got. "Go get them Griffin!" Octavia laughed hitting her on the back as her friend drove dagger's in to Roan "Batman vs Wonder woman" Octavia smirked with a final push.   
  
"Where's she going?" Anya questioned approaching Octavia.   
  
"Fight to the death" Octavia laughed "Roan's hitting on Lexa by the look's of thing's"   
  
"Arh interesting" Anya smirked watching her baby cousin interupt Lexa and Roan "A jealous Griffin can not be tamed" Anya winked "Should be interesting"   
  
"What the hell is up with you and Raven?" Octavia questioned still watching Clarke and Lexa.   
  
"What? She's hot?"   
  
"You like her"   
  
"She's interesting" Anya admit's   
  
"Shouldnt you be in your underwear" Octavia questioned eyeing the girl still in her witch costume.   
  
"She will have to find me first" Anya grin's "Now shush.. watch!"   
  
  
**Thought's...Opinion's? Give us a comment :P**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the lovely comments!! :)
> 
> There is a part two to this :)  
> Thing's are about to get very...very interesting :P 
> 
>  
> 
> the song if nobody know's it!  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCEK3KMNMxE


	17. Halloween prt2

**Lost And Insecure!**

The distance was ridiculously small between Clarke and Lexa giving the blonde barely anytime to decide on the many way's this could plan out. On one hand she really wanted to go over there and push past Roan and kiss the girl she had become so besotted to in the last few week's, all while putting the message across that Lexa is not to be anyone's 'fair game' any longer. Clarke was no fool and she certainly wasn't blind, Lexa was extremely beautiful with a body to die for despite the brunette being completely oblivious to this. As Clarke continued to place one foot in front of the other her eye's trailing the length of Lexa's body causing her to smile instantly. As Lexa stood there as Lara Croft with her incredible body on show you would think she would be one of the most confident woman you could come across, with every right of course, yet if you approached her and actually took the time to speak with her, you would hear her very shy nervous voice, you would see her duck her head and struggle to maintain eye contact as her hand's started to do anything to distract herself from feeling nervous.  
Look's could be so deceiving.  
That's partly the reason Clarke's head was torn she knew Lexa for who she was, she knew she was timid, and scared and she certainly didn't want to scare her by marching over there being jealous demanding Roan to back of, bedside's it's not like she has a right to despite wishing she did.  
  
"Hi" Clarke interrupted as she took her final step forward never removing her gaze from the brunette.  
  
"Someone's a little drunk" Roan laughed eyeing the blonde as he stood more straighter removing his hand from the wall behind Lexa.  
  
"I'm fine" Clarke object's  
  
"Your eye's say something different" Roan smirked.  
  
"Ok maybe just a little" Clarke admitted "Can I borrow Lexa for a sec?" Clarke questioned already enwinding there finger's to one.  
  
"As long as you bring her back" He wink's looking to the blonde before turning to Lexa  
  
"Promise" Clarke lie's having absolutely no intention on bringing her back at all, even more so now after seeing him winking. Still Clarke never spoke her mind, she didn't tell him to leave Lexa alone, she didn't tell him that was lame. She kept the small jealousy streak hidden and buried as she pulled at Lexa's hand guiding her up the stair's.  
  
"How much have you had to drink?" Lexa questioned as she continues to be led by the blonde  
  
"Only a few" Clarke admitted as she pulled a door open checking it was clear before pulling Lexa inside and closing it behind her.  
  
"I have a question left" Clarke finally say's after a moment of silence, tugging on Lexa's hand till she was directly in front of her.  
  
"So you do" Lexa smile's that sweet innocent smile as she stare's in to green.  
  
"If you could spend a entire day with me, where would we go?" Clarke questioned raising Lexa's entangled hand's slightly between them as her thumb glide's back and forth  
  
"that's your question?" Lexa smile's already trying to think of her answer.  
  
"It is. Tell me, I want to know" Clarke smile's playing with the tip's of Lexa's finger's, before catching green eye's looking in to hers. The silence lingered between them for a moment as Lexa thought of a place, there was no awkwardness between them, infact Lexa was enjoying the silence as she watched Clarke's finger's play with her own, with her eye's all blood shot, her head evidently more heavy than usual as she fort to hold it straight, yet her smile never faltered, and her gaze always found Lexa's after seconds of it dropping.  
  
"The beach" Lexa finally say's.  
  
"Why the beach?" Clarke questioned curiously.  
  
"I've never been" Lexa admitted "they look beautiful"  
  
"They are" Clarke admitted looking at Lexa intensely with soft eye's. Her heart ached for the brunette in more way's than one. She hated that Lexa had missed so much normal stuff a child should experience, she hated that Lexa got the short straw in life at such a young age, but admired her strength everyday. How despite her not having parent's or any family at all she fought on and never complained. "Maybe someday we will go" Clarke breathed   
  
"Maybe" Lexa stayed hopeful as green stayed fixed on blue.  
  
"You kissed me earlier" Clarke breathed getting lost in green, unable to stop herself confessing what she ache's to admit. "Every time I look at you, I wish you were kissing me" Clarke whispered taking a small step forward closing the small gap that remained between there body's "You already know I can't stop thinking about you" Clarke's eyes flickered down to the brunette's lip's then back to meet green. Clarke not failing to notice Lexa's breathing changing as her hand gripped a little tighter on Clarke's other hand the blonde think's it's to stop herself from twiddling. "You scare me." Clarke admitted allowing her finger to trail the outline of Lexa's jaw bone. "You scare me, because I want you so much" she husked pushing her body a little harder in to Lexa's causing her back to gently collide with the door behind her. "You scare me because I've never looked at a girl, like I do you" Clarke confessed lost in the moment, mesmerised by Lexa's beauty right in front of her. "You scare me because I never want our kisses to end" Green eye's continue to watch Clarke speak, to watch her blood shot eye's show so much emotion as her word's leave her mouth.  
  
"You've been drinking Clarke" Lexa breath's feeling the drop in her chest, but unable to not notice the blonde with her blood shot eye's.  
  
"I'm sober" Clarke admitted "I've had a few, but not enough to be drunk" Clarke tried reassuring the brunette in front of her as her fingertip's continued to trail Lexa's jaw bone and across her chin. "I needed to tell you" The blonde whispered flickering her eye's down to the brunette's lips. "i need to feel you" she husked pushing her body even tighter against Lexa's. It amazes Clarke how just by looking at the green eyed beauty she can become overwhelmed, turned on and sappy all at once yet needing to feel Lexa's against hers was something her body craved even with the slightest of touches.  
  
"Clark-" The brunette stuttered dropping her gaze between the two before bringing her gaze back up. She had been pressed against Clarke a number of time's on the couch last night, and in bed when they had kissed but never like this. Clarke was in front of her telling her she needed this, that she needed Lexa and Lexa became that little bit nervous. She wasn't entirely sure what Clarke had meant, by needing to feel her but Lexa was a virgin and all sexual activity made her nervous, she wasn't ready for that despite nearly everyone her age already doing it. Yet she did feel everything Clarke had just confessed, so why did it scare her more?  
  
"Stop me kissing you" Clarke whispered blue eye's studying green. "If you don't want me. Then stop me" Clarke hummed moving her head forward, Like she had the first time she returned home after their first kiss when Lexa allowed the kiss, not even attempting to stop Clarke. The blonde had already came to notice Lexa was not much of a talker, and when she did word's were not exactly her friends, maybe It was the nerves? Maybe it was just the lack of family and friends she had to talk to about normal stuff. So Clarke preferred action's so as she leant closer with her body still firmly pushed against Lexa's her eye's met Green one final time before capturing her lip's instantly a moan pushing past her throat with her eye's clamped shut as there lip's moved softly against one another. Clarke had never really touched a part of Lexa's body other than making small circle's on her lower back as they fall asleep, or just gliding her thumb back and forth over her hip, so when Clarke and Lexa's tongue slowly battled against one another, Clarke's hand trailed the length of Lexa's body coming in contact with Lexa's bare rib's and side's forgetting the top she was wearing revealed her stomach. Clarke's breath hitched instantly and she had to part the kiss to catch her breath once more.  
  
"Your beautiful" Clarke whispered honestly before capturing her lip's once more tugging Lexa forward as she moved backwards further in to the bedroom, there lip's never parting as Clarke's hand kept pulling Lexa's hip closer to follow her small step's until the bed hit the bottom of her leg's making them tumble to the bed. As they tumbled to the bed their lip's parted and Lexa had realised what happened as she hovered above the blonde. "Hey" Clarke whispered studding the brunette above her, noticing the fear and discomfort she had from being on top of the blonde. "Kiss me" Clarke whispered gliding her thumb soothingly across the brunette's cheek, trying to sooth her by taking control from the bottom. As Lexa leaned down to capture Clarke's lip's Clarke raised her head slightly capturing them quickly wishing more than anything Lexa's hair wasn't in a plat so she could tangle her finger's in her long beautiful lock's.  
  
They wasn't sure how long they were kissing for, nor did they care as there kisses became more intense, slower and passionate, at some point Clarke had ended up on top much to Lexa's approval relaxing a little more while moaning in one another's mouth's. The blonde kept control of the situation despite every body urge she ever had screaming at her to move further and kiss Lexa's neck or something, she never did. She didn't want to do something Lexa wasn't comfortable with and scare her away, so her hand's didn't wonder neither did her mouth. Yet when Lexa's body pushed harder against Clarke's from beneath the blonde was unable to stop her lip's from curling up and smiling as she continued to kiss the girl that scared her. There moment was ruined as the door swung open allowing the loud music to echo louder threw the bedroom, and Lexa and Clarke finally realised how lost they had become in one another as they broke apart, realising they are still at the party in Costia's bedroom on her bed.  
  
"Lex?" Costia froze to the spot catching the girl's quickly separating at the girl's eye's jumped from Clarke to Lexa.  
  
"Costia -" Lexa tried standing from the bed nervously as she took a step forward, but before Lexa could apologise for doing that in her bedroom the girl had turned on her heel and stormed of down the hall Lexa quickly following not before turning back to Clarke one final time with a smile of apology on her lip's before she left. Clarke bit her lip with a smile as she stood in the room alone trying to straighten herself out, a selfish part of her was glad Costia had seen them kissing although a part of her felt bad. She liked Lexa of course but she didn't want anyone to be hurt in the process, despite Lexa never actually confirming or saying exactly how she felt back, in fact she barely spoke at all, Yet when Clarke began making her way back downstairs to the party she didn't feel so confused about their situation anymore in fact she felt lighter.  
  
\--  
  
"Oh shit" Anya quickly gripped Octavia's arm spinning them around to face away from the stairs as Costia came running down followed closely by Lexa.  
  
"What was that?" Octavia questioned sneakily looking over her shoulder once more as she watched both girl's disappear in to a different part of the house.  
  
"Well judging by the face, the walk and the lack of speaking, I'm guessing she's pissed" Anya stated with a smirk on her face before turning back around to there original position.  
  
"Yeah I kinda got that part" Octavia rolled her eye's "I mean what happened?"  
  
"I'm guessing superwoman caught Lara Croft and Wonder woman doing something" Anya laughed "Superheroes ay, so competitive" Anya tut's "Incoming" she warns seeing the beautiful Latina heading there way.  
  
"Why are your clothes still on?" Raven questioned with hand on hip looking rather displeased.  
  
"Are you trying to get me naked?" Anya teased stepping closer with a smirk and raised eyebrows  
  
"Hardly. Just collecting my debts" Raven stated "What are you waiting for?" She questioned eyeing the dark blonde in front of her. "Someone a little shy"  
  
"Shy? Please." Anya laughed turning her back to the Latina "You may do the honour's" She teased scooping her hair to the side waiting on Raven to unzip her witch dress that displayed her breast perfectly.  Raven looked to the zip before turning her gaze to Octavia who had a huge grin on her face while shrugging her shoulders. Raven then moved her hand to the zipper slowly pulling it down Anya's back revealing her long slender spine and tanned back. As the zipper reached the bottom Anya slowly teasingly shook the dress of her shoulder's letting it slowly slide down her body till it hit the floor, leaving her in her boot's and underwear. The Latina allowed her eye's to travel the length of Anya's behind seeing her peachy bum curved perfectly in lacy red French knickers and bra. She looked hot. Anya turned confidently with a teasing smirk on her face taking that extra step closer to the Latina.  
  
"Thanks" She whispered "i normally like to take things slow but ill make a acception for you" She winks looking the Latina up and down while biting her lip "I need a drink. Mouths gone dry" She teased before stepping away swaying her hips purposely for the Latina. Of course Raven turned and looked, who wouldn't? She had a incredible body.  
  
"She is such a flirt" Octavia laughed steeping neared to Raven as she watched Anya walk away too.  
  
"She is annoying" Raven scoffed "Needs knocked down a peg of two"  
  
"With a body like that, I doubt that will happen" Octavia laughed   
  
"it's alright" Raven tried pushing it of as if she was nothing out of the ordinary.  
  
"Really?" Octavia teased. "Your eye's must be seeing something else then, as your eye's are trained on her arse"  
  
"What the hell is she doing!" Clarke interrupted staring down at her cousin in the kitchen gulping down a bottle of bud in her underwear.  
  
"Raven took her clothes of" Octavia stated.  
  
"I did not"  
  
"You Kinda did"  
  
"She had to remove her clothes, she lost the bet"  
  
"What about the arse staring?" Octavia questioned teasingly, she always enjoyed winding Raven up it was to easy.  
  
"I'm not arse staring"  
  
"Your starring at my cousins arse?" Clarke questioned with raised eyebrows  
  
"What? No! Octavia" Raven snapped turning her back to Anya and facing her two best friends.  
  
"She is" Octavia continued. 

"I'm not, judging by how she flirt's she properly been banged more time's than a snooze button on a Monday morning" Raven state's quickly looking to Clarke "No offence"  
  
"You realise no offence means your about to insult me, but don't get mad right?" Clarke questioned with raised eye brows "And for the record. My cousin is not a slut she's just very forward and very confident"   
  
"Well I'm not interested." Raven huffs taking a swig of her drink missing the look Octavia gives to Clarke with a smirk plastered on her lips.  
  
\--  
  
"Costia wait" Lexa speaks finally speaks out after following her threw out the house till she was outside. "I'm sorry, we shouldn't have gone in your room"  
  
"You think it's because you was in my room?" Costia snaps, finally stopping and spinning around causing Lexa to come to a halt also not wanting to be to close to Costia as she was clearly angry.  
  
"I'm sorry" Lexa mumbled slightly confused but sorry non the less.   
  
"Clarke." Costia finally speaks after a few moments of silence that lingered between the two. "You were kissing Clarke" Lexa remained quiet not needing to answer the question Costia already knew the answer two. She felt uncomfortable as she twiddled her finger's on the edge of her shorts. "I thought -" Costia paused looking to her feet and back to Lexa. "I thought we were getting closer" Costia voice was small and soft as she two looked more shifty letting the anger vanish from her body.  
  
"We were. We are" Lexa says confused. "Your my best friend" She stated as if it was the most obvious thing. This caused Costia to laugh in her throat as she dropped her gaze to the floor once more.  
  
"Friends?" Costia questioned. "I thought..i don't know" Costia released a heavy breath placing her self on a sunbed by her pool. Lexa took a few steps forward with her arms crossed over her chest as she placed a seat on the sunbed opposite Costia.  
  
"I'm sorry" Lexa said more softer. "I don't understand" She admitted a little embarrassed.   
  
"I thought we were heading for something more" Costia admitted playing with her finger's between the girl's coping Lexa's nervous habit. "I guess I was wrong" Costia smiled weakly "It's not your fault" She tried reassuring the brunette who sat nervously in front of her, something Costia was no longer use to. Lexa was always confident and bubbly around her, she spoke with ease and no longer became nervous while in a conversation, and she hated seeing Lexa back that way. Despite the hurt she felt, she knew Lexa wasn't use to normal social things and emotions she wasn't surprised she was oblivious to the whole thing.  
  
"I'm sorry" Lexa could only repeat as she looked to the ground between them feeling more nervous as the seconds passed. Anya was right. "I didn't know" Lexa admitted.   
  
"it's ok" Costia finally breath's "I just wasn't expecting that, I was going to ask you out just last week before we got interrupted"  
  
"When?"  
  
"In the car. When we went to the movies" Costia admitted. "So you and Clarke?" Costia questioned "Do you like her?" There was a long silence, Lexa had never discussed Clarke with anyone other than her book under her pillow. So when Costia asked the question Lexa wasn't entirely sure how to answer the question. She had kissed Clarke on many occasions and enjoyed every single moment of all of them, like Clarke she hated to stop.   
  
"I guess" Lexa nodded nervously.

"You guess?" Costia smirked rolling her eyes at typical Lexa. "You were just making out in my bed"  
  
"She makes me feel safe" Lexa admitted after a moment playing with her own fingers unconsciously.  
  
"How does she feel about you?" Costia questioned looking to Lexa's hands and back.   
  
"I don't know" Lexa shrugs looking to her own hands before meeting Costia's eyes once more. "She said she cant stop thinking about me" Lexa admitted beginning to bury herself in her own thoughts as she replayed everything Clarke had confessed only moments ago. "I think she does" Lexa's lips turned in to a small smile.   
  
"She also makes you nervous" Costia grinned pointing to Lexa's twiddling hands. "As jealous as I am" Costia admitted "I'm glad someone's making you smile like that" Lexa only smiles at the brunette as she nervously looks down between them once more and back to Costia.  
  
"I am sorry" Lexa apologised once more.  
  
"Stop apologising" Costia pleaded taking Lexa's hand in her own. "Lets get back. I need a drink" She laughs standing up.  
  
\--  
  
When Lexa returned hand in hand with Clarke the party had become more wilder than she remembered it from earlier. Everyone was halfway drunk if not drunk already stumbling around while dancing and trying to hold there drink properly without spilling it, failing mostly.   
  
"Want one?" Costia questioned moving around people to the fridge  
  
"No thanks" Lexa smiled scanning her eyes threw the crowds of people, her eyes instantly falling on a almost naked Anya.  
  
"Whys Anya got no clothes on?" Lexa questioned as Costia returned.  
  
"Lost the bet remember." Costia laughed. "Her body is 'wow'" Costia smiled "I think she trying to get Raven on a date"  
  
"She's leaving tomorrow" Lexa admitted confused at getting a date on the day you leave.  
  
"I Don't know" Costia shrugged "Raven turned her down anyway" Costia took a big gulp from her drink before taking Lexa's hand in her own once more "Let's dance" Costia ordered already dragging Lexa to the crowded living room. It didn't take long for Lexa to find Clarke dancing with Raven, Fin and Roan, of course she would be dancing, it was her escape. Costia turned around to face Lexa as she began dancing, while Lexa did her typical dance of moving one foot side to side, while taking quick glances over Costia's shoulder to the blonde she wasn't long kissing, her eyes were clamped shut with her hand's running threw her hair as she bopped her hip to the beat quickly.   
  
"You know, now that I know, I feel kind of silly. I must have been blind" Costia shouts over the music enough for Lexa to hear as she turned around to Clarke herself before continuing to dance.  
  
"Sorry" Lexa mumbled turning her gaze away as she continued to dance, Only for Costia to shake her head and laugh at her dorky friend. They danced for a few minutes without Lexa doing secret glances over her shoulder to the blonde, however that didn't last long as she took another quick glance a few minutes later freezing a little when she seen Clarke watching her from across the room slowly swaying her hips still side to side. The sweet smile on Clarke's lip's made her fingers tingle as she mouth a silent 'hi' to Lexa.  
Lexa bowed her head a little nervously as her feet moved side to side, before looking up once more to a very big smile now on Clarke's lips.  
  
"Go over there already" Costia laughed pushing Lexa towards Clarke until she was to close to turn around.  
  
As Lexa approached the small group dancing Costia watched on with a smile on her face, which soon fell when eyes were no longer on her, to say she was gutted would be a understatement, she thought what ever she was feeling towards Lexa was reciprocated. Yet she was left feeling silly with Lexa having no clue of what was going on between them in Costia's head. Despite it all, she was happy to see Lexa smile, she noticed it quickly when she questioned the brunette about the blonde. Costia wasn't even a competitor.  
  
"Hi" Clarke smiled pulling at Lexa's hand instantly to dance with her. "You ok?" She questioned in her ear as she leant close.  
  
"Yeah" Lexa smiled, beginning to move her feet once more.  
  
"What have I told you about dancing?" Clarke laughed gripping Lexa's hips and guiding her like she had before. "Like this" Clarke directed as she guided her hips gently slightly brushing her thumb against Lexa's bare stomach as her hand remained fixed on her hip. Like every other time Lexa had to try focusing on anything else, other than Clarke touching her bare skin as her fingers tingled with intensity. "You have two left feet" Clarke teased.  
  
"I do not" Lexa smiled looking down at her own feet as they moved.  
  
"Just a little" Clarke grinned pulling Lexa closer leaving hardly any distance between them. Somehow Clarke and Lexa slightly parted from the group as they danced with one another leaving some space between them. Clarke had decided she loved dancing for a whole other reason as she swayed to the beat against Lexa, there was no words that ever needed spoken when they danced, it was relaxed and soft and everything Clarke wanted, especially being able to be closer to Lexa with no questions asked. 

"I cant believe Anya actually took her Clothes of" Lexa admitted as she watched Anya approach a Dancing Raven.  
  
"She always pays her debts" Clarke smiled pulling at Lexa and turning her around so Clarkes chest was pushed in to Lexa's back, she felt Lexa stop dancing. "Keep going" Clarke ordered replacing her hand back on Lexa's hips and guiding her once more. She continued relaxing back in Clarke's hold, as Clarke took control once more moving her hip's against Lexa.   
  
"Does she like Raven?" Lexa questioned.  
  
"I think so" Clarke whispered as her head came beside Lexa's neck resisting the urge to kiss her neck, her breathing changing.  
  
"Does Rave- Does she like her?" Lexa stuttered feeling her fingers tingle from the closeness and the warm breath from Clarke's lips.  
  
"I don't know" Clarke breathed never removing her gaze from the body pressed tightly to hers not interested in anything but Lexa. "Let's not talk about them"   
  
Lexa smiled softly looking to the small group as she continued to dance against Clarke, having her control the situation in everyway if Clarke wanted her to move, she would move, if she needed her to turn around she would, but as she remains pressed up against Clarke's chest from behind the brunette hopes Clarke doesn't want her to move anywhere at all, as soft finger's hold her hips and warm breath breathed on her neck and cheek, she feels safe. Clarke is her safety net, and Clarke always seems to catch her when she needs her.  
  
"Can we go home?" Clarke whispers as Lexa turn's her gaze to the side slightly seeing Clarke looking at her with soft tender blue eyes, the brunette finds herself nodding before Clarke entangles their hands together pulling her gently away from the music, away from there friends, and away from prying eyes to be alone with Clarke.  
  
"Should we wait for Anya?" Lexa questioned wondering how the other Griffin would get home. Both girls turn to see Anya flirting with Raven on the dance floor, no doubt trying to get a dance out of the Latina.  
  
"I think she's good" Clarke smiled before heading towards the door where they sneak away quietly.  
  
\---  
  
Clarke didn't even make it home before she pulled Lexa close and attaching their lips. As they had walked along the path under the streetlights hand in hand Clarke was unable to resist any longer as she kept thinking of there kiss from earlier on in the night, along with the dancing they had just done being so close to the brunettes exposed neck. A car horn had startled them as they drove past the two girls kissing shouting out there windows with a 'oi oi' That only made them smile as they parted lips quickly focusing on returning back home hand in hand.

The bedroom door didn't even need to click closed before Clarke's pushed Lexa against the bedroom door each hand either side of the brunette's head as you gave in to green eyes for the millionth time, never feeling like its enough.  
"Lex" Clarke whispered "What are you doing to me?" The blonde questioned for the second time. She demanded a answer, she needed a answer. She needed to know why she was struggling with every body urge to not take Lexa on the spot in fear of scaring her, she needed to know why her stomach fluttered with just a simple look from those beautiful green eyes. Everything Lexa did made Clarke heart flutter or drop, where Lexa would go Clarkes eyes would follow if not being able to be close she would at least enjoying being able to see her. She needed a answer. She needed to know why Lexa was the only woman she had ever looked at in such a way, and become besotted so quickly with.  
  
"The same thing your doing to me" Lexa whispered nervously flicking her eyes to between the two of them before back to Blue. Those words made Clarke's breath hitch, her stomach flutter and her heart pound. The brunette had never confirmed any feelings, never confessed any feelings unlike Clarke. Lexa had remained tight lips with only the actions Clarke dared her with, which was enough for the blonde, well so she thought. That is until she spoke those words and confirmed everything Clarke hoped for.  
Clarkes lips collided with Lexa, the kiss was hungry yet tender at the same time. The blonde hooked her finger threw Lexa's short's pulling her further in the room with her as she searched for the bed. When the bed came in contact with her leg she stood still kissing Lexa as she begged for entrance with her tongue. Clarke directed Lexa in front of the bed remembering how awkward and uncomfortable Lexa was earlier when she was above the blonde. When Clarke had Lexa in the correct position she gently pushed her back on the bed following with her parting the kiss for mere seconds before quickly capturing them once more.  
  
Clarke had never kissed any other part of Lexa's body before out of fear but as she felt Lexa's hand slide in blonde locks gripping it gently keeping her in position and close, Clarke's mind went wild as her lips slowly trailed down Lexa's exposed neck kissing and nipping gently before sucking on her pulse point. The moan that escaped Lexa's mouth was nothing like any other moan she had heard and it made her stomach flutter and drop in excitement at the same time, taking Clarkes breath away for a second.  
The grip in Clarke's hair tightened as Clarke continued to suck feeling herself slipping, becoming lost in the brunette she was beginning to lose control as her body rocked against Lexa's knowing If Lexa moaned like that again she wont be able to stop.  
"I'm not ready" Lexa stuttered out finally able to compose herself as her heart pounded. Clarke Stopped instantly quickly hovering above the brunette and capturing green.  
  
"That's ok" Clarke whispered moving her hand gliding her finger down Lexa's jaw bone. "I would never push for anything" Clarke whispered with a soft smile before capturing Lexa's lips with a small kiss. "I want to know everything about you" Clarke admitted looking deep in to green as she positioned herself comfortably on top of Lexa careful not to lean to much weight on the brunette.  
  
"I'm sorry" Lexa said nervously.  
  
"For what?" Clarke questioned scanning Lexa's nervous embarrassed facial expressions.  
  
"Stopping." Lexa mumbled feeling small.  
  
"Don't" Clarke tried to reassure. "We shouldn't anyway" Clarke admitted knowing its way to soon "that wasn't my intentions. I just wanted to kiss a little, and I couldn't stop myself." Clarke breathed continuing to trail Lexa's strong Jaw line. "Besides I meant what I said" Clarke admitted with a soft smile on her lips "I want to know everything there is to no about you Lexa woods"  


 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments, Kudos, views? 
> 
> So next chapter will be slightly skipping ahead a little mainly to show the process of how things go for them, good and bad. Of course you wont be missing anything important to the story as It will be written in properly. Not sure when the next update will be up but stay tuned :) 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has took the time to comment and give me their honest opinions I do take note, admittedly there are mistakes no doubt I can only apologise and keep trying, ill get there eventually!


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small time jump to a month!!  
> italic is a memory.. the past. 
> 
> Let me know your thoughts?

**Lost And Insecure!**

 

Clarke had never considered herself a impatient person but waiting on the bell ringing was becoming to be the longest wait of her life. As the days passed and weeks flew the blonde had become more attached to Lexa than ever before, not being able to ever remember a time where her jaw ached this much from smiling. The brunette had came in to Clarke's life like a wrecking ball destroying everything she thought she knew, only to improve it in everyway never realising what she was truly missing till she was face to face with the green eyed brunette, and now she had had a small piece of Lexa, she already knew she wouldn't be able to let her go. Her eyes flickered to the clock on the wall once more reading 2:30pm. Thirty more minutes, that's all she had to wait. Thirty minutes.

The more the seconds past the slower time seemed to go, quickly slouching back in her seat with a huff, book in hand unable to bring herself to read a single line in front of her. She knew she should be focused with exam's coming up next year, but she couldn't. Green eye's, brown hair and strong jaw line seemed to be distracting her more than ever today. Maybe it was because last night she had fell asleep foolishly at Raven's and the stupid Latina didn't wake her till the Alarm buzzed this morning, meaning she didn't get her dose of Lexa that she had become so use to needing everyday. Maybe it was because Lexa had relaxed a lot more in the month since Clarke had confessed needing her making it difficult to think of anything else. Or maybe it was the morning kiss Lexa would place on Clarke's cheek when she woke, the kiss Clarke never received this morning which made her all the more excited to see Lexa. To make matters worse Clarke was late to first period, no thanks to Raven earning her a detention threw out her lunch, making it impossible to see Lexa and for the first time Clarke wished she had at least one lesson together.  
She looked to the clock for the millionth time reading 2:39pm. It was official the world hated her.  
  
She flicked her phone open and scrolled threw her contact's a smile lifting her lips as the phone lit up over Lexa's name. Texting was new between the two of them, but the excitement only built between them. Lexa would never send a message first which was extremely cute to Clarke, no matter how much Lexa had relaxed threw out the month the blonde still loved how she clung on to her shy, timid edge, it was adorable and Clarke hoped it would never vanish despite threw out most nights Lexa's and Clarke's lips would be battling against one another's breathlessly.

The first text message Clarke had sent Lexa was two weeks after her confession to the brunette. Octavia had another house party, a party Lexa didn't attend as she was helping Abby out with some decorating that she had volunteered herself for as she didn't particularly like drinking anyway, that itself had already put Clarke on a downer knowing that the best part of her day wasn't even going to there. Clarke had started on the hard stuff almost instantly, Vodka.  
Clarke scrolled up her text messages to the top of the list allowing another smile to light up her lips as she read effortlessly threw them trying not to giggle.  
  
**Clarke** : This vodka taste like I'll be texting you later ;)  
**Lexa** : You already are texting me. Are you drunk?  
**Clarke** : You should know this is your fault.  
**Lexa** : My fault your drunk?  
**Clarke** : When my brain cant even function properly, i still text you. You should be honoured.  
**Lexa** : I'm sorry.  
**Clarke** : I'm not.  
**Clarke** : You have no idea how beautiful you are!  
**Clarke:** Am i annoying you?  
**Clarke** : Fuck you can dance.  
**Clarke** : Where have you gone?  
**Clarke** : I'm hungry!  
**Lexa:** Sorry i was getting cleaned up. I can dance? Get some food. Where's raven?  
**Clarke:** With me, i wish you were with me instead legs.

That night was a complete blur for Clarke but her friends were more than willing to fill in the blanks with loud roars of laugher as Clarke could only bow her head in shame, it turns out they did in fact go out to grab some food that night having Fin drive them to McDonalds drive thru as he was the only one who was sober and apparently the short drive without having a drink had proven to long for Clarke as she pushed her head threw the car window shouting the man behind the till for a Vodka. The young boy had quickly told her she was in fact at McDonalds hoping something would click in her brain, unfortunately for the blonde it didn't, as she continued with 'Ok ill have a Mcvodka. No ice and extra large' She grinned still keeping her head poked out the window until Fin laughed shoving her back calling her a drunken idiot. That was only the beginning of her embarrassment of course as she scrolled threw her messages the next morning reading threw her ridiculous texts she had send to the brunette while she had quickly typed out one more.  
**Clarke** : I am so sorry! That was not me texting you last night, that was vodka!  
That was how their texting had begun as embarrassing as Clarke was for not being able to remember any of it, she knew she was bored with Lexa's absence, secretly hoping she would never miss anything they all did together again.  
  
Her eyes flickering to the clock once more now reading 2:45pm. She felt to rip her hair from her head and scream, it had felt like hours that had passed but bare minutes in reality. She could text Lexa, of course she could but Lexa was a goodie two shoes so she doubts she would get a respond until the bell would ring anyway. Then there was her genius plan where she could ask to be excused to the toilet, while secretly going to get Lexa from her classroom and claiming the head teacher needed her in her office. That would be naughty though right? I mean she only had to wait 15minutes. Fifteen slow, excruciating minutes. Fifteen world ending minutes. This is what Lexa had done to Clarke, she had made her the most impatient person in the world, while thinking up plans to escape just a few minutes from school so she could be with the brunette sooner. If you would have told Clarke three months ago she would be falling for a girl, she would have laughed and thought you were going mad, yet sitting here right now in front of a clock counting the seconds to see the most beautiful woman she had ever lied eyes on, it couldn't be further than the truth.

As the blonde grabbed her pencil tapping it against her book gently yet impatiently, she couldn't stop the smile forming her lips remembering the conversation she had with Raven and Octavia last night. The blonde had never felt so sappy and cringe in her whole life as the words had left her mouth so easily, yet nothing could be more further from the truth. With Fin she never really cared about what he was doing, where he was, what he was wearing. With Lexa it was something different, something that kept her stomach bubbling with excitement making her want to know all the answers to all those questions, with a dozen more piled on top. Her friends had laughed and mocked the shit out of her after her revelation but she still didn't care as she lobed the book at Raven.  
  
_  
**  
  
"Urgh! I give up" Clarke whines slamming her book close while dropping_ _her pencil. "Lets party instead!" Clarke pleads._  
  
_"We need to study!" Raven laughs turning on her chair_  
  
_"Urgh..why though? we're only going to sit a exam and look at the paper like what the hell is this anyway so might ass well enjoy the night"_  
  
_"One. I'm not failing anything. Two. Neither are you, your a nerd" Raven points out before her phone lights up with a text._  
  
_"Who you texting?" Clarke questioned while swinging her bent legs as she lay on the bed._  
  
_"No one"  Raven quickly say's texting back almost instantly._  
  
_"Girl or boy?"_  
  
_"its nobody"_  
  
_"Do i know them"_  
  
_"It's your dad"_  
  
_"You wish" Clarke laughs._  
  
_"I do" Raven winks "He's fit"_  
  
_"Gross!"_  
  
_"Octavia's ringing" Raven quickly hits answer on her phone pressing it on speaker before placing her phone on the side._  
  
_"You two losers still studying?" Octavia questions immediately._  
  
_"Save me!" Clarke shouts quickly, having Raven throw her pencil at her from across the room._  
  
_"Ignore her. Where are you?" Raven questions._  
  
_"Home" Octavia huffs the sound of ruffling coming threw the speakers._  
  
_"Octavia do you know anything about the person Ray's texting? She cant get of her phone" Clarke smirk's already feeling the daggers coming from the Latina. "She being tight lipped about it"_  
  
_"Shut up" Raven barks throwing her book at the blonde._  
  
_"Want to talk tight lipped. What about you and Lexa huh?" Raven tries with a smirk as if she just got one up on the blonde._  
  
_"Ask me anything" Clarke challenges "I got nothing to hide"_  
  
_"Ohh! I'm glad i called now!" Octavia grinned clearly sitting up straight threw the phone. "What's going on between you two?" Octavia quickly fires the first question with no shame._  
  
_"i guess you could say we're going slow" Clarke clarifies with a shrug of the shoulders as if that was nothing new, yet nothing had ever been confirmed to her best friends on there real situation only from what they had seen._  
  
_"Have you had sex yet?" Raven fires next clearly holding this question in for sometime._  
  
_"Clearly you don't understand the concept of taking it slow" Clarke laughed. "You always were a slut" Clarke teases. "Hope you knew lover knows that!" She laughs_  
  
_"There is no new lover" Raven defends once more. "So who asked who out?"_  
  
_"What are we ten?" the blonde questioned with raised eye brows "it just kinda happened" Clarke adds quickly._  
  
_"I think its cute" Octavia coo's down the phone._  
  
_"i could be sick" Raven adds._  
  
_"shut up" Clarke smiles dropping her gaze to the floor she really was a sap. "I'm hers and i hope she's mine." Clarke admitted feeling the vulnerability shone threw "i don't want anyone else getting the same butterflies i get when she smiles or says my name, i don't want her fingers to tingle for anyone else."_  
  
_The room fell silent even from the phone that was rested on the side, but as the blonde looked up Raven busted with Laugher alone with Octavia threw the phone, making Clarke roll her eyes quickly throwing the book back at raven pleased that it hit her in the head, unfortunately it didn't stop her laugher._  
  
_"Oh god" Raven barked wiping a tear. "Awh! Your like a little Romeo!" Raven teased. "Did my heart love till now? Forswear it sight, for i ne'er saw true beauty, till this night" Raven teased repeating a line from the book._  
  
_"You guys suck!" Clarke pouted._  
  
_"You walked in to that one blondie" Octavia giggled._

 ***  
  
2:59pm.  
  
Come on, Come on. The blonde pleads as she already grips her back getting ready to make her escape from the classroom before the halls fill up quickly making it impossible to push past everyone to get to the exit.  
  
"I will stick this sheet on the white board, names that are on the list were the first ones to hand there forms in, there for will be going to Thailand" The teacher speaks loud and clear finally catching Clarke's attention. "Unfortunately there was only so many spaces so not everyone could make it on the list"  
Not only was Clarke now aching to leave the classroom, but she now had to see the list before she made her exit, which pissed her off that little bit more.  
  
As the bell rang out threw the school the sound of chairs quickly screeching backwards and the sound of footsteps quickly moving forward had Clarke jumping to her feet to the front of the class trying to see past the other students to the list scanning in hope to see her name. Her eyes finally able to see the paper in front of her quickly trailed down the small amount of names placed on the sheet.  
"Fuck" She muttered before quickly heading out the door. With every effort she pushed and shoved trying to get out the school as quickly as possible as her blue eyes scanned the crowed in hope to see Lexa with no luck.  
The second the air hit her face she moved her feet as quickly as possible to the parking lot with eye's still scanning for Lexa, yet when she seen Costia's car pulling out the parking lot she knew she knew she had already missed her.  
  
"Cut me a god dam break" She huffed to the heavens above as she cursed endlessly till she made it to her car. Today was certainly not her day.  
  
"I Got it" Raven announced as she some how appeared beside the blonde "I'm going Thailand" She grinned  
  
"I didn't get in" The blonde spoke sadly. She really did want to go, but it was her own fault she had left the paper at home on the first day back at school and had to have her mum drop it of to her when she finished her shift. Unfortunately that was to late.  
  
\---  
  
The front door was slammed shut, making the house echo. Today really wasn't Clarke day, not in anyway. Not only had she fell asleep at Ravens last night she had been late for school taking away her entire lunch break, then time seemed to tick real slow, like real fucking slow. Like moment of truth slow, only boring annoying and extremely frustrating all she wanted to do was see Lexa, that's all she flipping wanted. Then the stupid teacher had to put a sheet of paper on the stupid white board, she couldn't have just read it out threw those excruciatingly slow minutes? Then to top it off she didn't even make it to the list, missed Lexa by mere seconds and then got stuck in traffic for thirty minutes. The world hated her.  
  
"Hi" Lexa smiled appearing at the end of the hall way in loose grey joggers and tight white vest.  
  
That is literally all it took for Clarke to breath out a heavy breath, the breath that released every single frustration she just had, every single ounce of anger as her lip's curled in to a smile with her back still leaning against the front door. That voice.  
  
"Please tell me no one's here" Clarke pleaded as she opened her eyes once more at the beautiful sight only a few feet away.  
  
"No ones here" Lexa clarified furrowing her brow's at the blonde.  
  
"Good" Clarke smiled pushing herself of the door and marching up to the brunette "Because i can't wait" She muttered before sliding her hand to the back of Lexa's neck pulling her in for a kiss giving Lexa no time at all to stop it. Lexa smiled in to the kiss, and Clarke could feel it only making her feel that extra bit lighter, only seconds ago her body was ready to explode with rage, it made her feel dizzy at how quickly she felt like she was flying. "You have no idea, how much I've been waiting to do that"  
  
"Are you ok?" Lexa questioned after a moment of studying the blonde.   
  
"I am now" Clarke admitted snaking her arms around the girls waist. "You look nice" Clarke admits with a adoring smile.  
  
"I'm in jogging bottoms" Lexa smirks. This had become Clarke's new routine, she would come home find Lexa and everyday she would claim she would look nice, Lexa just thought she had just got in a habit of saying it to compliment her, only Clarke meant it every time, no matter what she wore she always looked good.  
  
"I cant see that" Clarke grin's beginning to search for Lexa's hand till she entangles it with her own. "Can we just lay together" Clarke pleads her smile dropping a little.  
  
"Ok"  
  
Lexa allows herself to be guided at the stairs squeezing Clarke's hand in reassurance, she wasn't sure what she was reassuring her for but she felt like she should. She could tell the blonde wasn't her usual self, so naturally she was worried.  
Clarke laid on the bed first pushing her back to the wall as Lexa followed both facing once another until there hands found one another once more. Blue caught green and instantly a small relaxed smile rested on the blondes lips.  
  
"I missed you" Clarke admitted instantly feeling vulnerable.  
  
"I missed you two" Lexa whispered still looking deep in to blue trying to solve the puzzle Clarke was showing.  
  
"No. I mean, I missed you" Clarke breathed once more placing closer to Lexa on the pillow being closer to those beautiful green eye's and peachy lips. "I even thought up a master plan to see you before the end of school" Clarke admitted a little embarrassed.  
  
"A master plan?" Lexa smirked evidently trying not to giggle a little. "What was it?"  
  
"To pretend i needed the loo, then look threw every door till i found you. Disturb your class and tell your teacher the head teacher wanted you" Clarke laughed. "You're turning me in to a rebel" It was Lexa's turn to giggle, as she placed her nervous hand on Clarke's hip holding her closer. The blondes smile only grew as she could see the nerves still peak threw at the small gesture, she loved it.  
  
"so where would we have gone instead?" Lexa questioned  
  
"Bathroom." Clarke stated simply as if it was obvious. "To make out of course" Clarke teased despite it half being true, but really she just needed to see Lexa.  
  
"is that all you think about?" Lexa questioned "Kissing me?" Lexa teased back with a tint of seriousness as her eyes scanned the blonde.  
  
"I would be lying if i said no" Clarke smirked "But! I do think of other things to."  
  
"Like?"  
  
"Like how much I'm going to miss you when you go Thailand" Clarke admitted her tone saddened as her eyes trailed down.  
  
"You didn't get threw?" Lexa questioned confused as Clarke shook her head.  
  
"No." Clarke admitted.  
  
Threw out her long drive home, and her long wait in traffic the situation had sunk in more. Clarke had struggled to go twenty four hours with out Lexa, as she thought of plans to get to her before, and now she would have to be apart for two weeks after Christmas.  They were just beginning to get somewhere with one another, just beginning to relax in there new romance as they kissed and cuddled from day to day. Everything about this was slow and new, everything about this was exciting and Clarke was already sure she was falling for Lexa without needing to go all the way. Seeing, kissing and being with Lexa from day to day was more than enough, despite every body urge itching for more. Clarke was scared, this was so new that it could quickly fade in to nothing before it even started. Yet Clarke felt anything but nothing for Lexa. Maybe Raven was right, maybe they did need to put a label on things. Costia made it on that list and that didn't settle well when her eyes scanned over her name, and as she waited longer in traffic she hated the idea of Costia and Lexa being in Thailand together more and more. It had barely been a hour since she found out yet Clarke's mind was wondering wild of the two in Thailand, it would be hot, meaning not to many clothes and to much skin on display, enough skin of Lexa's for Costia to admire. The pairing was in two's and with Costia being Lexa's best friend Clarke knew they would choose to pair with one another, in a hut or room what ever they slept in.  
  
I know how much you wanted to get threw" Clarke smiled trying to push her negative thoughts to the back of her head.  
  
"So did you" Lexa added remembering Clarke explain how she wanted to be a doctor to help people, is why she wanted to go to Thailand in the first place, to help all the family and children start again, even if it was just handing out fresh water if fresh clothes, anything would be better than nothing. "You can take my place" Lexa immediately said, she didn't think twice. Clarke parents were paying for this, Clarke should go.  
  
"I would never take your place" Clarke objected sitting up slightly half over the brunette "You deserve to go" Clarke added "It's my own fault I forgot the form at home, i knew deep down I wouldn't get in. I just hoped I would"  
  
"Is that why you're sad?" Lexa questioned squeezing the blondes hip making Clarke smile once more as she leans half over the brunette.  
  
"You're getting good at noticing emotions change" Clarke beamed placing a small peck on Lexa's lips. For someone that is almost oblivious to anything Clarke couldn't help but feel proud at how Lexa had begun studying her like Clarke studied Lexa, and although Lexa still wasn't the best at noticing emotions or why people did certain things, she started noticing Clarkes in the last week.  "I'm just a little gutted" Clarke admitted. Clarke positioned herself above Lexa as Green eyes followed her movement.  
  
"You really do look beautiful" Clarke admitted scanning her eyes down Lexa's relaxed look once more. "Can you sing to me?" Clarke questioned biting her lip. "I love hearing you sing" She admitted smiling at the many times she had now came home to a singing Lexa, once she had came home opened the bedroom door and Lexa looked like she had been practicing her two left feet to dance, who was extremely embarrassed when she realised Clarke had seen all of it.  
  
"Clark-"  
  
"Please" The blonde interrupted knowing Lexa denies the request every time with out a little bit of guilt added to it "I had a really bad day, and it will make me feel so much better" She pleads in to green eyes knowing Lexa really doesn't want to in the slightest she's to shy.  
  
"Fine" Lexa finally breaths. "Look away, or close your eyes" Lexa demands in a soft nervous voice, making Clarke smile as her eyes fall shut. This had been the usual way Lexa would sing, Clarke would have to turn around and look away or act like Lexa wasn't there at all. Clarke waited patiently as all she could see was darkness and silence lingered threw out the room.

 **'Remember those walls i built,  
well baby they are tumbling down.  
** **They didn't even put up a fight,  
they didn't even make a sound  
I found away to let you in, but i never really had a doubt  
standing in the light of your halo,  
i got my angel now'  
  
**

Her soft beautiful voice filled the room as she stare up at the blonde with closed eyelids, a smile creeping on her lips as more words left Lexa's mouth. The song choice came natural to Lexa one that had been stung in her head, one that had been played on repeat in the past few week's as she thought of the blonde, she may be rubbish with speaking or using words in a proper manner but songs replayed that fault for her. Where words failed a song spoke volumes and every word was sang with passion to Clarke. As Lexa had closed her eye's Clarke's eyes opened watching the brunette beneath her taking in every lyric she sang.

 

' **it's like I've been awakened, every rule i had you breaking  
****its the risk that I'm taking  
i ain't never going to shut you out.**

 

When Lexa's eyes reopened Clarke was already starring down at her with soft eyes and parted lips, yet as Lexa went to sing the following words Clarke's lips were already attached to hers, hand cupping her cheek as she sent shivers down Lexa's spine with a graze of her tongue to Lexa's.  Clarke's fears of Lexa and Costia vanishing for now, Clarke's sadness fading away like it never existed, with all now consuming her mind once more, was Lexa. Lexa's choice of song knowing it had meaning, there was a reason, and Clarke was it. The feel of Lexa's hand gripping Clarke's hip harder making their body's push tighter together was enough to make Clarke moan more loudly than she would have liked from just the feel of the brunettes body pressed tightly against hers, the body she was so desperately excited to get to know, Not without Lexa's go ahead of course. Clarke's lips began to trail down the brunette's neck, as Lexa opened it more. Clarke had quickly discovered Lexa's weak spot was her neck as she sucked and nipped with the occasional bite for her own personal reasons that settled the undying urge to take Lexa. The moans that Left Lexa's mouth when ever Clarke found her neck were mesmerising only making Clarke suck, kiss and bite harder, while pushing her body harder in to Lexa's. Her hand trailed the length of Lexa's body resting at the hip before pushing up under her top allowing her fingers to brush past her ribs stopping as she approached the Bra line. Lexa's breathing was all over the place, much like Clarke's as they both struggled to control their self. Clarke parted her lips from Lexa's neck hovering them above the brunette's.  
  
"I'm falling for you Lex" Clarke whispered. "I cant stop" she mumbled pressing her nose to Lexa's "I can't stop" She whispered while pleading. Pleading for what she wasn't sure but it's how she felt. Desperation, scared yet warmth flowing threw her veins as Lexa lay beneath her with Darkened green eyes. Clarke's closed her eyes as the emotions overwhelmed her she never expected Lexa to say anything back, she would never expect anything from her, she knew she was different and she liked that more than anything. She sunk in to the hand Lexa pushed to her cheek playing with a few strands of hair with the tips of her finger's.  
  
"I can't stop" Lexa whispered back. Yet still Clarke's eye's didn't open, she wasn't sure if she was hearing things, wasn't sure if she wanted it that much she could possibly make herself everything she wanted to hear. Her nose brushed past Lexa's once more making sure this was real, she was there beneath her, confirming that Clarke had in fact just admitted falling for Lexa unable to stop herself as she lay beneath her.  
  
"Say that again" Clarke hummed eyes still clamped closed feeling the tip of Lexa's cold nose brush past hers once more.  
  
"I can't stop" Lexa whispered once more, more confident than the first time. A smile could barely form on the Clarke's lips before she pressed them to Lexa's once more.  
  
"Can i take you on a date?" Clarke questioned nervously biting her lip as she hovered above Lexa once more.  
  
"A date?" Lexa questioned nervously. "I've not been on a date before" Lexa admitted which came as no surprise to Clarke.  
  
"Well then i suppose i better make it perfect" Clarke beamed pecking Lexa's lips once finding it impossible to stop kissing for longer than a few minutes.  
  
"What do i have to do?" Lexa questioned nervously.  
  
"Nothing" Clarke reassured "I will do all the planning and I'll pick you up"  
  
"We live together" Lexa giggles Like a nervous teenager and Clarke loves it even more.  
  
"I will get ready elsewhere" Clarke admits "I want it to be what a first date should. I want you to experience it how you're suppose to"  
  
**  
  
Threw out dinner with the Griffins Clarke was unable to tear her eye's away from Lexa who sat opposite her for longer than a few minutes, the longer she sat there watching her the more excited she became for their first date. Clarke had no idea where to take her or what they were going to do, but she wanted it different and perfect all at once. As she swirled the spaghetti on her plate with her folk she tried to remember everything Lexa had ever said to her, anything that would make her love their date like Clarke already hoped she would. She was falling for Lexa and Lexa and confirmed she was falling for Clarke, that was enough confirmation right? That was more than enough. Clarke's body was still buzzing from the three words Lexa had repeated back to her twice. Lexa was the nervous shy timid scared once, well it seems Lexa has rubbed of on the blonde as she never got nervous, was always a confident bubbly peoples person, who could do anything she set her mind to, yet petrified wasn't exactly the words Clarke could use as the perfect emotion she was feeling at the thought of their date. So when dinner had came to a end, Clarke had quickly made a exit disappearing in to her parent's room.  
  
"Porky!" Anya beamed down the phone line.  
  
"Anya" Clarke's voice sounding more serious  
  
"What's up?" She questioned quickly "You ok?"  
  
"Everything's fine" Clarke confirmed quickly. "I think everything's fine. I don't know. I'm freaking out" Clarke blurted out passing up and down the room realisation hitting her hard as she comes to terms with asking Lexa out on a date.  
  
"wow, wow, wow. Slow down" Anya demanded "What's going on?"  
  
"Don't freak out!" Clarke tried  
  
"I'm about to freak out if you don't tell me what's wrong!" Anya snapped.  
  
"Nothings wrong"  
  
"Clarke!"  
  
"I think I'm gay" Clarke started with knowing her cousin didn't know yet. "Don't freak" Clarke begged. "I mean you're gay. It's not like you can freak right?" the blonde continued to pace the room while spluttering out anything that came to her mouth.  
  
"You think?" Anya asked slowly? "Seriously?"  
  
"What?" Clarke questioned confused.  
  
"If you don't know your gay yet, you need to remain in school" Anya laughed "Like seriously. You think?" Anya questioned "Who thinks there gay anyway? You either are gay or straight. And you my little baby porky cousin are gay!"  
  
"Wh- Ho- i don't-" Clarke froze to her spot stuttering words from her mouth.  
  
"Your not very discreet. Plus i head you and Legs like moaning while kissing and whispering"  
  
"Anya!" Clarke snapped "They were private moments!"  
  
"Should get a room next time!" Anya laughs  
  
"I was in my room!"  
  
"Fair point, well next time leave it then"  
  
"You didn't think to tell me?" Clarke questioned thinking the whole sneaking back in to bed with Anya was completely pointless.  
  
"Nope. Not even once" Anya laughed "I'm kinda surprised it took you over a month to tell me. So is that what your stressed about because seriously, changes nothing to me"  
  
"No." Clarke finally breaths "I asked Lexa on a date"  
  
"What!" Anya snapped down the phone "It took you a fricking month to ask her on a date, where the hell is the Griffin gone"  
  
"Apparently down the toilet" Clarke huffed slouching on her parents bed "I have no game with her" Clarke whined.  
  
"Clearly"  
  
"Not helping"  
  
"Wasn't meant to"  
  
"Bye Anya!" Clarke huffed  
  
"Wait..wait..wait..Ok.. Serious. What's the problem?"  
  
"I have no idea where to take her!"  
  
"What does she like?"  
  
"She likes music. She likes the sky. i don't know. She hadn't experienced much. She loved Halloween"  
  
"Got it!"  
  
"What?" Clarke questioned sitting up hopefully.  
  
"Dress as space men, play some music and get in a rocket and shoot up to the sky" Anya laughed.  
  
"I hate you"  Clarke whined slouching back on the bed once more. Before a lightbulb went of in her head. "I got it"  
  
"You do?" Anya questioned.  
  
"The beach, she said she's never been"  
  
"There you go" Anya grinned "Glad i could have been of help"  
  
"You were no help at all" Clarke rolled her eyes  
  
"Your welcome!"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments, Kudos, Opinions?  
> Let me know what you think :)


	19. A teenage memory.

**Lost and Insecure!**

She knew she should move, she knew she should do something, anything other than stare at her house while she sat nervously tapping on the steering wheel with her index finger. The blonde couldn't understand it, why was she so nervous? It was just a first date right? A over delayed first date. Lexa and Clarke already kissed, they already laid against one another as they slept threw the night, they had already confirmed there feeling were mutual. This first date was just something they had skipped and jumped to the rest first right? Yet Clarke's heart was beating ten to the dozen as her bedroom window quickly darkened which was once full of light, She knew Lexa must be ready and waiting for Clarke to pick her up. "Breath" Clarke hummed to herself while staring at her own reflection.  
She couldn't remember dates being this stressful, admittedly she had never had to plan one before, she had never wanted one to go as perfect as she hoped this one would. Every single detail was planned thoroughly, not wanting to miss a single thing. She had gone threw it in her head, she would pick Lexa up with a smile on her face, opening the door for the brunette as she stepped in the car, then they would have pointless chit chat in the small car journey to the beach. Then Lexa would realise where they were and beam excitedly, as Clarke unloaded the boots with little surprises and romantic gestures as the strolled down the beach hearing nothing but the waves bashing against one another as they pushed over the sand. Then as Clarke returned Lexa home they would share their suppose to be there first kiss if Lexa was happy with the date. Yet struggling to get out the car hadn't crossed Clarke's mind as a issues, but it was proving itself to be rather stubborn, as her heart pounded against her rips.  
  
"Come on" Clarke whined giving herself the pep talk of encouragement "You can do this" She tried "You can do this. You're a Griffin" Her eyes boring in to her reflection while trying to calm her nerves. "Please, just move" She begged herself, clutching the steering wheel making her knuckles turn white. "Ok, ok" She whispered placing her forehead on the top of her steering wheel with closed eyes. "1" she whispered taking a breath to steady her nerves. "2" she hummed taking in another deep breath letting her eyes slowly flicker open while lifting her head from the steering wheel. "3" She whispered finally looking at her reflection in the mirror once more. "Now go and get her" she ordered herself as she opened the car door and stepped out.  
  
With each step Clarke took towards her own home, her heart beat raced that little bit faster. She hadn't seen Lexa in 24 hours wanting to give the date the extra special effect of excitement at seeing the brunette and hopefully the same for Lexa seeing Clarke. Not only was the blonde excited to see Lexa for the first time in far to long, she wanted, needed everything to be perfect. It scared her to death that the date would be a failure, knowing It will be different from a normal beach experience that Lexa had no doubt pictured when telling the blonde where she would go with Clarke for the day. Clarke just hoped this would be better, as she knocked her own front door with shaking clenched fist. Clarke mentally smiled at herself at how much she must look like Lexa right now, with they shyness and nerves taking over.  
  
"Hi" Lexa smiled softly nervously biting on her side lip as her eyes dropped between them nervously bending her left ankle to the side. She waited for Clarke to say anything, do anything but that never came. As her gaze raised from her boot, it seemed Clarke was in a daydream "Clarke" She tried again.

"Sorry" Clarke quickly beamed shaking her head as her eyes returned to green "Hi" She said more shyly than she would have liked allowing her eyes to again down the length of Lexa's body. "You look really nice"  
  
"Its just vest and jeans" Lexa pointed out with a smile on her lips placing her swirling ankle firmly on the ground as she took in the blonde in front of her.  
  
"I can see that" Clarke chuckles "Do you always make it a habit to point out what exactly you are wearing?" She teases.  
  
"Only when you think I look nice in everything I wear"  
  
"Not my fault you make everything look good" Clarke admits reaching out and tangling her fingers with the brunette in front of her.  
  
"You complimented me in pyjamas" Lexa teases remembering the moment she walked back in to the bedroom freshly clean from a bath and Clarke had just stood there with the same dorky compliment. The blonde shrugged her shoulders with a small giggle.  
  
"I might not look it right now, but I'm really nervous" the blonde admits swaying slightly side to side on her heel focusing on Lexa's long slender fingers and the rope bracelets resting at the edge of her leather jacket.  
  
"Me too" Lexa confessed in her sexy shy voice, that always made Clarke smile like she never had before. "Where are we going?"  
  
"Hogwarts of course" Clarke grins "Now if you would let me escort you to my beautiful flying car" She teases gripping Lexa's hand as she leads the way.  
  
"You're a wizard now?" Lexa grins looking to the blonde as they walk down the path like nervous teenagers.  
  
"Of course"  
  
"Prove it" Lexa teased  
  
"I can't. No magic outside Hogwarts" Clarke said smugly opening the car door as the brunette stepped inside.

///

Things were not exactly awkward between the two girls, but the nerves were evidently in the air as they drove in silence listening to the radio, while both taking every opportunity to study the other when they didn't notice. Lexa couldn't help but become more curious as the time passed by still not arriving at their destination, she looked out the window trying to notice anything that would give her a hint, but all she could see was trees and other car's with bright lights ahead. Clarke was cursing herself the whole time while driving for being so lame, for sucking at being able to make a normal human being conversation, one that she normally never struggled with. The Griffster was gone, the Griffster was dead, and all that was left was a sweaty palmed mess driving a beautiful girl to the beach, a pitch black dark beach. _What the fuck was I thinking?_ Clarke had cursed once more now feeling like a idiot, of course Lexa would hate going to the beach at night. Stupid, stupid.  
When the blonde finally pulls up the nerves finally get the better of her knowing its the moment of truth, to late to turn back around now, and to stupid to not have a back up plan.  
"I have never planned a date before" Clarke breathed turning to the blonde. "I really wanted it to be perfect" Clarke admitted hating herself more for having no game at all.  
  
"I'm sure it will be perfect" Lexa tried to reassure still not knowing her true destination as it was to dark.  
  
"Could you wait here for just a minute?" Clarke questioned. "I just need to set something up" Lexa nodded nervously her eyes still scanning threw the car windows discreetly trying to get a hold of where they were with no luck.  
The blonde exited the car, removing a few things from the boot before she disappeared across the parking area and around a corner until she was no longer in view.  
  
Lexa was nervous, her anxiety getting the better of her the second Clarke was nowhere insight, she couldn't help but wonder where they were, and why Clarke had brought her some where with no light? She tried to stay relaxed, she tried to stay as calm as she could, but the fear of not truly knowing where she was scared her. Lexa had never trusted anyone like this before. She had never allowed someone to take her to a destination where she had no clue. She had never been on a date, therefore didn't really know what to expect. Of course she had seen them in movies, where they would go to the cinema, a romantic meal or something like ice skating, yet sitting in a car in pitch black was nerving.

The second Clarke disappeared out of view Lexa's anxiety was beginning to get the better of her. She had never trusted anyone enough before to allow them to take her to a place unknown to her. The last time she placed her trust in someone, he was aggressive and violent, holding nothing back as herself and Aden would sit in a darkened room on the mattress on the floor. All they could do was wait and hope that he would leave them alone for the night, that he would be in a good mood rather than irritated. As her fingers began to twiddle with themselves her nerves seeping threw the cracks as there was barely any light surrounding the area, she just hoped the blonde would return quickly. Her head snapped up at the sound of laughter seeing two boys stroll along the path laughing, joking and pointing to something in the distance that Lexa didn't care to look for, her fingers twiddling more anxiety the longer she waited, the longer she hoped Clarke would hurry up. Her thoughts moving at a rapid pace as fear took over, she was sitting in a darkened parking lot with no one around to see, with no one around to witness anything as the boys carried on laughing down the path, they were free to do anything they wanted with no one to stop them, just like he did. She hoped, she prayed they wouldn't see her. The sound of the car door opening startled her nearly making her jump out her own seat as her head snapped up to see the intruder.  
  
"Hey" Clarke said softly noticing the fear in the brunettes green eyes. "Are you ok?" She questioned more softer than before furrowing her own brows as she reached her hand to the girls cheek. "You're trembling" she whispered feeling the fear vibrate to her hand. Lexa kept her gaze down looking to Clarkes reached out arm as she tried to calm herself from her fears. _Paranoia that's all it is._ She tried telling herself repeatedly as Clarke held her close, trying to work out what had happened with out asking. Her eyes scanning around quickly seeing the laughing boys, they were harmless as they kept strolling down the path before disappearing. "I want let anything happen to you" Clarke tried to reassure taking a guess at her fears. Clarke and Lexa remained in the car for a short while, Clarke patiently waiting on Lexa to calm down, not wanting to push her as she was clearly on the verge of a panic attack.  
  
"Sorry" Lexa eventually muttered pushing herself further in to Clarkes palm before removing it altogether.  
  
"Never apologise" Clarke orders softly. "You ok now?" She questions not wanting to question the brunette about what just happened just yet. She would speak in her own time. She watches Lexa nod placing a soft smile on her lips.  
  
"Good" Clarke smiles staring up her engine again once more.  
  
"Why are we leaving?" Lexa quickly asked  confused her eyes scanning from windows to Clarke.  
  
"Were not." Clarke smiles "I'm just parking closer, I just didn't want you to see it till it was done"  
  
"Oh" was all Lexa could say as Clarke put her car in drive and rounded the corner where the boys had originally came from, immediately catching site on where they were, as Clarke came to a holt, and unbuckling her seat belt.  
  
The blonde took a quick look to the brunette with a grin on her face, trying to bite her lip but finding it impossible as her lips would pull her teeth away. She quickly exited the car making her way around to Lexa's side holding the door open as she stepped out. Green eyes were unable to remove from looking straight ahead at the clashing sounds of the waves, as they pulled in and out across the sand. She was speechless.  
  
"Come" Clarke almost giggled tangling their hands in to one as Lexa appeared to be on auto pilot to lost in the ocean to do anything else. Lexa let herself be led by the blonde who couldn't take her eyes of Lexa's reaction. She was in a world of her own, a genuine smile on her face as she took in the beach with the moon and stars reflecting from the mystic ocean. The blonde took a few step's until she was stepping on the sand, her eyes unable to tear from Lexa, where as Lexa was unable to tear them from the sight in front of her. Her lips parted as her eyes scanned around the beach and out to the depts of the ocean.  
  
"The beach" Lexa finally breathes after many steps across the sand. "Clarke" she says pausing as she looks from the blonde back out to the sea once more.

It was like time had frozen, like everything slowed down making it possible to see the spark that shone threw green eyes. It was like she could hear the sound of her steady heart beat beginning to pulse more aggressively against her rips as she could see the softest smallest smile spread across Lexa's red tender seductive lips. In that moment she knew, she knew she hadn't fucked things up.  
  
"There's more" Clarke admitted squeezing the brunettes hand before guiding Lexa to turn around. "You didn't think we would just walk down the beach and go home did you?" she questioned as she watched Lexa's eyes focus in the distance to their final destination. There lay a small fire lit with blankets spread out and a bag of the remaining of Clarkes essentials. The more Clarke watched Lexa's face light up with surprise yet excitement made Clarke's smile grow more cockily. The Griffster was back.  
  
"It's beautiful" Lexa breathed taking small steps towards the small fire hand in hand with the blonde.  
  
"You told me that, if you could spend a day with me you would come to the beach" Clarke stated turning to face the brunette as they reached the small burning fire. "You also said you had never been to a beach before. I couldn't think of a better place to come" She admitted pulling Lexa closer with their hands still entangled.  
  
"You remembered that." It wasn't a question, more of a statement. A statement that Lexa was still coming to terms with, Clarke actually listened to every word she spoke, if not hanging on to every last one. It was new, very new, yet Lexa seemed to keep forgetting that this is what her life had started to become, she was no longer a shadow that blended in with the darkness, she had become a torch that stood out in a room that held nothing but black.  
"Of course I did" Clarke smiled "I told you. I want to no everything about you Lexa woods. Now come, sit" Clarke ordered playfully pushing of the brunettes Leather coat.

Clarke had made sure their were enough blankets to be wrapped in, and defiantly enough blankets space to sit on so Lexa didn't have to be cramped so close to the blonde, so when Lexa finally sat down resting shoulder to shoulder against Clarke, the blonde was more than thrilled, excited, happy, what ever insane words you want to use to explain how she thrived from it, giving her the extra boost of confidence she certainly needed.  
  
"It was Anya's fault" Clarke protested Laughing along with Lexa as she nudged in to her shoulder. "She told me it would be safe and easy. Never trusted her after that" Clarke shook her head enjoying the soothing sound of Lexa's small giggle surrounded by the sound of the crackling flames of the fire and the waves of the ocean. "I admit though going down the stairs in a washing basket was fun, despite breaking my arm"  
  
"I can imagen" Lexa grinned "So that's why your dad calls Anya trouble?"  
  
"That and many more reason" Clarke admits. "The worst part was, while I was laughing slash crying, she just stood there laughing, to the point she couldn't breath. Even in the ER it would just be dead silent while we patiently waited to be seen, then she would just burst out laughing remembering my face as the bucket finally tipped half way up the stairs sending me flying. Hey don't laugh" Clarke nudged once more watching the brunette trying to stifle her giggles.  
  
"Sorry" Lexa mumbled not even attempting at hiding the biggest smile she ever held.  
  
"What about you?" Clarke questioned more softly. "Did you have any memories like that?"  
  
"Not really." the brunette said after a moment of scanning threw her past. "I remember being five years old. My mum had told me I needed to write a letter to Santa"  
  
"You did?" Clarke questioned with a sad smile on her lips "What did you write?"  
  
"well I was playing with my toys while I wrote the letter" Lexa was becoming a little more embarrassed.  
  
"What did you write?" Clarke questioned curiously now beginning to get the better of her.  
  
"Well.. I told Santa that I had been good for about five years now, and something was bothering me. So I asked him why all my toys said made in China, if the elf's made them?" Lexa ducks her head with a smirk on her face. "When I took it to my mum to make sure it was written ok, she laughed. I took that as it was ok"  
  
"No you didn't!" Clarke laughed leaning more in to Lexa as her cute little self. A mini Lexa just looked adorable. "So even then you were a little nerd"  
  
"Unfortunately" Lexa admitted.  
  
"I think its cute" Clarke admitted finding the brunettes hand with her own as the silence lingered for a moment eyes connecting with one another. "Shall we take a walk?" Clarke questions already beginning to stand up, dusting the sand of her clothes before reaching out and pulling Lexa up with her.  
  
\--  
  
As they took small steps across the beach, Lexa watching her toes disappear in to the sand while Clarke watched on with a smile. Everything so far had been perfect, the way Lexa sat so close, they way Clarkes hand always found Lexa's, the way Clarke wanted to frame every moment, and every expression Lexa gave when she looked across the beach, out to the sea, even how her eyes sparked a little bit more with the flames of the fire reflecting from them. Clarke didn't want to leave, she didn't want their first date to ever come to a end.  
  
"Will our things be ok? Leaving them over there?" Lexa finally questioned against the sound of the waves pushing across the sand.  
  
"I have a confession" Clarke admits. "Were not actually suppose to be on the beach. At night its closed of. So if we get caught I'm deaf, and you don't understand English" Clarke laughs.  
  
"Why didn't we come threw the day?"  
  
"I wanted you to feel comfortable" Clarke admitted. "I love your shy dorkiness, but I wanted you to feel comfortable, plus I know how much you love the sky" Clarke admits allowing her eyes to trail up to the brightly lit stars. "I wanted you to be able to see it at its best" Clarke confesses stopping mid walk. "I want lying when I said I was nervous. This petrified me" she admits looking deep in to green before feeling Lexa's fingers gliding back and forth against her own, knowing Lexa really wanted to toy with something between her fingers meaning she was nervous.  
  
"Wh..I don't understand" Lexa confessed shyer than she had appeared to be all night.  
  
"Understand what?"  
  
"why are you so bothered about me?" Lexa questioned looking down to her buried feet.  
  
There it was. The question that had been bothering Lexa, the questioned that the brunette would questioned every time she closed her eyes and tried to sleep, the question she wanted to ask every time Clarke would look at her with soft eyes and wide smiles, the question that pecked at her brain when she would feel Clarke's lips on hers. Why was this all happening now? Why had Clarke shown at interest? Why was Clarke actually listening to things Lexa would say. No one had before so why now? With Clarke it had been confusing, they went from kissing, to more kissing, to look and glances to Clarke daring her to push her away, to confessing she couldn't stop thinking of her and then a lot more kissing. Clarke would hold her threw the nights, kiss her when they woke, sooth her threw nightmares and confess how beautiful Lexa looked all the time, not matter what she was wearing. The last month had been one of the most confusing for Lexa ever since Halloween. Clarke and her had some what grew Closer, relaxing more around the blonde as they days passed, she wasn't sure why or how that happened but it did, maybe it was Clarke constant start of conversation, maybe it was Clarke's kisses and whispered confessions on how she had missed her threw out the day, or how she asked repeatedly what Lexa was doing to her, that she wasn't sure of, but she wasn't entirely sure what Clarke was doing to her either? Was it even the same as what Lexa was doing to her. The only thing Lexa was completely sure about was, when Clarke had stayed out at Ravens on the odd occasion after being drunk, or last night because Clarke wanted the date to be done properly, she had missed Clarke, she had thought of her more than usual, she had fiddled with items of her clothes a whole lot more and when she woke threw the night with a nightmare, she had scanned threw her phone to call Clarke in a panic, only to stop herself last minute. The brunette had never been so dependant on anyone other than her mum, and she had ripped from the world so cruelly, ever since she was 6 years old she had only herself, and then for a few years Aden, but he had been taken to. Yet Clarke didn't rush she stood with her eyes trailing the brunettes features chewing on her inner lip. She just stood there trying to understand, trying unravel the mysterious brunette in front of her. Her features so soft and scared, with the slightest of movements she looked like she would flinch away, sometimes it was easy to forget how insecure Lexa truly was, sometimes it was easier to believe and see Lexa more confident when she spoke, yet standing in front of her right now, was Lexa stripped to her raw core, asking the question that baffled her, and all Clarke could think was how oblivious Lexa must be to reality.  
  
"Why wouldn't I be?" Clarke finally questioned. The question fell with silence as Lexa could only shrug her shoulders her gaze becoming more unsteady the more nervous she became. "Can I tell you something?" She questioned beginning to turn and guide Lexa to begin walking again this time Closer to the waves pushing over the sand. "You remind me of the sea" Clarke confesses as she finally feels the water push against her feet.  
  
"it's cold" Lexa says softly her grip tightening on Clarke's hand.  
  
"It is" Clarke admits letting her foot glide threw the water pulling the sand away. "It can be calm and still at times and rough or rigid but in the end" Clarke breaths turning to face the brunette once more "It's always beautiful" Clarke admits hoping her words spoke volumes. "You have had your storm Lex. You're still here fighting every day. So when I ask you why wouldn't I be interested? I Don't see how I couldn't be." She admits watching the water cover Lexa's toes the smallest of smiles pushing to her lips, whether its Clarke's words of the ocean Clarke does not know but she continues anyway. "You're beautiful. You're also the strongest person I know" Clarke admits enjoying the tight hold Lexa held fiercely on her hand. "and I'm really struggling to hold of on kissing you till the end of the night." Green eyes raised catching blue as they came to a holt. The blonde pushed the water against her feet as she stood closer to the brunette sliding her other hand across Lexa's cheek. "I don't think I can" Clarke whispered inching slowly towards the brunettes lips.  
  
"I think your beautiful to" Lexa whispered bringing a smile to Clarke's lips before pressing them together softly. The waves curled in and out to shore pushing against there feet and ankles slowly but gradually wetting the end of their jeans. The moonlight shone brighter than before and the stars glistened in the darkened sky, but even with such beauty surrounding them, the stars, the moon, the deep blue ocean and the salty smell in the air, Clarke and Lexa was only lost in one another their lips pushing and biting against the other. Hands pulling the other closer if that were even possible, as they become lost in blonde and brown curls, tracing features with the tip of their fingers while their tongue's pushing against one another's slow and sensual, only allowing there vibrating moans to leave their lips. After many slow incredible minutes their lip's parts with Clarke's hands resting either side of Lexa's hips holding her close.  
  
"Do you trust me?" Clarke questioned resting her forehead against the brunettes. The confident nod Lexa give, gave Clarke the confidence to place her hand around Lexa gripping at the top of her thighs just below her bum as she held her tightly running her deeper in to the sea.  
  
"Clarke" the brunette yelped tightening her grip around the blonde's neck along with her legs trying to stay out the sea as much as possible. Only when Sea level reached Clarke's chest did she stop, the giggles slipping past her lips as she held Lexa tighter for security. "It- Freezing" The brunette shook having her breath taken away.  
  
"Only for a second" Clarke said softly raising her hand from out the water to push against the brunettes cheek. "Are you ready?" Clarke questioned smirk firmly in place.  
  
"Ready?" Ready for what?" The brunette questioned nervously her grip tightening as fear spread threw her. Clarke's grip tightened as she bent her legs letting herself disappear under the water with Lexa attached to her. Reappearing again after seconds Lexa gasped for air quickly wiping her face, as Clarke did the same only with a smile on her lips. Before Lexa could moan, before she could complain or give any displeasing look Clarke had attached her wet lip's on Lexa's now salty ones. The smile quickly formed on her lips as Lexa didn't push the kiss away in the slightest by the way she opened up her mouth welcoming Clarke's tounge against hers. "stand" Clarke mumbled between kisses feeling Lexa's tight thighs grip fiercely around her, the fear of the unknown now becoming more evident as their lips parted.  
  
"I won't let anything happen to you. I promise" Clarke tried to reassure not wanting to push Lexa to do something she didn't want to. Slowly, but nervously she untangled her legs and allowed them to find the ground but keeping her grip hands gripped firmly around the blonde's neck.  
  
"Hi" Clarke beamed after a moment silence as just looking at one another.  
  
"Hi" Lexa whispered back feeling small waves moving their body up before back down again. "This is beautiful" Lexa admits. "Thank you"  
  
"You're beautiful" Clarke breaths pushing Lexa's now wet mated hair out her face as the brunette smiles. "I love that feeling I get when I see you smile" Clarke admits allowing her hands to slide down under the water gripping Lexa's side tugging her closer. "You make me crazy" Clarke whispers pushing her lips to Lexa's strong jaw bone trailing small kisses to Lexa's collar bone only stopping when her vest strap becomes a obstacle. For a moment the blonde looks at Lexa in all her soaking wet glory, when Clarke thought she couldn't get more beautiful she would always prove her wrong. The more time that past, the finer she became, like a wine that improved with age. Lexa was like that already beautiful and perfect but some how managed to become even better than that. When Clarke pulled away out of Lexa's reach she could see the confusion in green eyes. She was going to do this, she wanted to do this. Without thinking or allowing the doubt to quickly consume her mind she reached for the edge of her own top pulling the wet material of and over her head letting it float in the water as her eyes connected with green once more. They held fear, confusion but her eyes trailed down unwillingly before Lexa could drag them back up. Clarke moved the few steps closer to Lexa once more slowly closing in on her, giving her every opportunity to stop her, to tell her this was not ok and Clarke would place her top back on immediately, but she wanted, needed to see a little of Lexa and Lexa a little of her.  
  
"Hi" Clarke whispered once more as she slowly placed her hand on the brunette's hips.  
  
"Hi" Lexa repeated. It was quieter than the first time, barely a whisper as she swallowed hard with parted lips. She was nervous, she didn't no where to place her hands or if to place them on Clarke at all as she let them hang around herself. Clarke wouldn't push, she wouldn't even ask. If Lexa wanted to do anything, remove her clothing touch, she would in her own time at her own pace and Clarke would wait.  
  
"Are you ready?" Clarke questioned with the same smirk she only a moment ago gripping Lexa tightly making it impossible for her to get away.  
  
"Clark-" Lexa went to say stopping as she realised what the blonde meant. "No. Cla-" She stopped to late as the blonde dragged her under with her once more till they disappeared, seconds later coming back up for air.  
  
"Clarke" Lexa whined as Clarke laughed almost instantly when air hit her lungs. The tightly hold Clarke had over the brunette pushed them flushed together, so together that Lexa now had noticed Clarke's bare stomach was pushed tightly to her body. Her eyes trailed down seeing the curve of Clarke's breast held perfectly in her black bra. Clarke's laugh came to a abrupt end as she watched Lexa's eyes trail shamelessly, she watched how her green eyes grew bigger under the moonlight if even possible, but when Lexa's nervous shaky hand toughed her bare side from under the water Clarke's eyes closed naturally instantly relaxing at their new contact of intimacy.  
  
"sorry" Lexa quickly said removing her hand from Clarke's body, nerves getting the better of her. Her eyes dropping between them, before realising Clarke's boobs were on clear display above the water between them, instantly making her advert her eyes else where as quickly as possible. Clarke could almost laugh at her cuteness, at the feel of her shaky hand she wanted placed back on her body.  
  
"Don't apologise" Clarke whispered taking Lexa's hand in her own raising it to her lips and placing a small kiss in her palm, before guiding it back in the water to her side. The tremble was vibrating from her skin, but her eyes were bright matching the smile forming her lips. What could look like a awkward moment from the distance, wasn't at all. In fact if Clarke didn't want to get out the water before, she certainly didn't now as she felt Lexa's hand grip more confidently after a moment, her other hand slowly coming to meet the other side of the blonde mirroring her other hands action. Clarke tried not to let her eyes flicker close and enjoy the feel to much, she tried to focus on other things other than Lexa hands doing wonders to her body, she tried and failed at stopping herself becoming wetter than the ocean was actually making her. She really did try all of them, she really did but the way Lexa's fingers curled around her sides touching her back had her mind in the gutter. She wanted nothing more than to strip bare of her clothes and reveal all to the brunette, and to see Lexa do the same, but she couldn't, and wouldn't. Instead she bit her lip supressing the moan that was desperate to push past her lips when a small wave raised their body's making Lexa move her grip down her body to her hip to hold one another still. She watched green eyes fixate on her body and trail the curves she could see, before following the trail of her collar bone up to her neck, then to lips.  
  
"Where did you go?" Clarke whispered softly pulling Lexa closer as she slid her hand across the brunettes cheek. "What are you thinking?" she questioned.  
  
"You're- Clarke" Lexa stuttered her gaze shifting from eye to eye "hot" Lexa gulped as if her breath had been removed from her lungs. Clarke smiled at her quick stuttered statement "I mean" Lexa tried once more to catch her words. "Beautiful. You're beautiful" she breathed slowly. For a moment Lexa looked lost, deep in thought as if trying to unravel something in her own brain. Clarke didn't question it she just watched Lexa tenderly placing a small kiss on her lips before trailing little patterns on Lexa's bicep. When Lexa removed her hands from Clarke's body rather quickly, the blonde was confused, did she do something wrong? did she cross a line? Her train of thought came to a sudden crashing and burning when Lexa raised her hands out the water bringing her own top off and over her head. Clarke's brain had officially fried. She wasn't discreet in the slightest as her eyes immediately fixed on Lexa's bare skin now on show. Wearing a white bra, her skin darker than Clarke's, the blonde couldn't swallow, she couldn't speak nor move she was frozen. As much as she wanted Lexa to do this, she didn't really truly believe it would happen. If Clarke could move, or even look up to see Lexa, she would see the nerves racking her brain, she would see how she gripped her top tightly in her hand not allowing it to float like Clarke's, she would see Lexa's other hand has disappeared beneath the water to fiddle with her jeans as Clarke's eyes trail her body. Nothing was said, not because Clarke had nothing to say, it was because she was memorised by such beauty she didn't truly expect now standing directly in front of her. It was only when the nerves got the better of Lexa when she tried to cover her body once more with her hands and the loose top she gripped so tight that Clarke could find her voice.  
  
"Don't" Clarke pleaded removing the girls arm's from covering up. "Don't" she pleaded once more finally taking a deep breath as she moved forward. "Just give me a sec" Clarke pleaded allowing her eyes to trail down the brunettes body before quickly resting her forhead on Lexa's closing her eyes while she inhaled sharply. She had become nervous to, with the struggle of forming normal human being words together right now. Talk about bad timing.  
"God" Clarke sighed "Can I touch you?" she questioned nervously finally flickering her eyes open. Her eyes trained on nervous green as she nodded the smallest of nods. Clarke was the exact opposite to Lexa she didn't hesitate in her touch, as she trailed her index and middle finger across Lexa's collar bone and down her shoulder eyes following the steps closely at Lexa's body revealed small goose bumps in her tracks. Her mouth was dry, her eyes boring in to the brunette's silky wet skin, not wanting to miss a thing from the slightest blink. Her hand's continued to trail across her chest between her breast down to her stomach, surprisingly feeling the muscles against the skin but not to evident to see clearly. She was perfect.  
It was almost impossible to make the blonde speechless, finding something to say about anything, yet standing here. Even more wetter than the water could possibly make her, her fingers trailing down the length of the brunettes body feeling every curve and every muscle, she was left speechless. Words falling from her mouth like she couldn't properly phrase one with the odd heavy breath released, instead her eyes trailed from the brunettes body to Lexa's lip, watching the small water drop trail her lips ready to drop of. She leaned forward pressing her lips to the brunettes in a soft tender kiss. It was everything it should be. Everything Clarke needed it to be.  
The soft arm's that reached around her neck holding her closer, wet bare chest pushed against one another feeling every detail against the one another, instantly taking Clarke's breath away leaving her to part the kiss biting gently in to Lexa's lower lip.  
  
"Your breath taking" Clarke sighed. Burying her face in the crock of Lexa's neck before slowly placing kisses along Lexa's shoulder. The smallest of whimper's that left the Lexa's lips echoed so much louder to the blonde, wanting to hear it again she pushed her body flush against Lexa's wet body holding her close biting sucking and nibbling her hand trailing the length of Lexa's body once more feeling her perfect abs, yet her hand trailed further to a place they had never been before, a place where they had itched and scratched to reach out to. When her hand came over Lexa breast her hand stretched out perfectly to grip squeezing it gently earning another Soft nervous moan.  
  
They stood together ignoring the waves, ignoring the bright stars that usually caught thousands of peoples attention as they buried their self with one another, to lost in each other body, each other looks and gentle touches. Nothing mattered, not in this moment anyway, they were just teenagers being teenagers forgetting exams, forgetting the worry of being caught, forgetting Costia, forgetting Fin. Gentle grazes and quiet moans exploring each other a little more for the first time, kept them lost in the darkness of the night.  
  
\--  
  
When toes became numb, lips became purple and goose bumps were unable to hide any longer both girl's hand in hand left the sea, shaking and laughing as they ran toward their fire still burning brightly, their long forgotten and lost in the sea. The sound of clattered teeth and Wet trousers now filling their ears as Clarke quickly grabbed for the blankets throwing the first one over Lexa then one over herself.  
  
"I have spare clothes" Clarke quickly stuttered between shaking teeth. Lexa watched her unzip the bag pulling out two jumpers and jean's before handing them to the brunette who was wrapped tightly next to the burning fire. "Put these on" She mumbled quickly pulling her own clothes of from behind the blanket. The blonde had never threw clothes on as quickly as she just did, she was freezing, hell her toes felt numb long before she got out the sea, she just didn't want to stop what ever it was her and Lexa had been doing, to lost, to happy and to high to care what her body needed. Only now she was paying the price as her teeth continued to shatter leaving a clanking sound to be heard, rubbing her hands viciously together in hope to get some kind of blood flow pumping threw her body. Only when she turned around to face the brunette, her breath caught, her body froze watching the over sized jumper flow gently down tanned stomach, the jumper hanging teasingly over Lexa's shoulder.  
  
_God I'm lucky._  
  
She took a few steps towards the brunette finally able to swallow again before taking her hand in her own and guiding them to sit once more in front of the fire. With the water gone, and their bodies now covered the nervous had no where to hide as they both sat shoulder to shoulder hands playing with one another as the crackle of the fire was to be heard once more.  
  
"I got one more thing for you" Clarke announced like a light bulb went of In her head. "Wait her just a sec. I left it in the car" Clarke quickly scrambled to her feet before Lexa had time to object, thank fully this time Lexa would be able to see Clarke the whole time as she ran across the sand finally reaching the path and to where her car was parked. She took second if that as she clicked her car shut scrabbling back to where she originally was sitting.  
  
"Here" She grinned handing Lexa the guitar. "This part is more for me" Clarke confessed with a cheeky smile. "Theirs nothing like a little camp fire song."  
  
"Clarke" Lexa said already placing the guitar under her arm.  
  
"Before you decline. I'm going to say please and your going to sing anyway" Clarke teased knowing this was a routine they had grew use to.   
  
"I was going to ask what song actually" Lexa laughed.  
  
"Oh" Clarke froze before a smile quickly took over. "Surprise me. Something different" Clarke said softly, leaning forward slowly before giving the smallest smirk placing her purple lips one Lexa's capturing the delicate plump things, and again, then once more before pulling away to lay face up on the blanket as she stared at the stars, with the though of her never getting bored of being able to do that.  
  
"Ok" Lexa finally says after following Clarke's movement. She tested the strings of the guitar before finally settling on a tune.  
  
**"Well you've done, done me and you bet I felt it. I try to be true but your so hot that I melted. I Felt right threw the cracks, and now I'm trying to get back. Before the cool run out and ill be giving it my bestest, and nothing going to stop me but divine intervention. I recon it's against my turn to win some of lose some."  
  
** As the blondes eyes trailed from Lexa's green and the soft smile on her lips while her fingers pulled at the stings, her heart fluttered. The date had been a success after much stress and much swearing and cursing at herself for being stupid and lame, yet sitting here with the brunettes angelic voice play threw the push of the waves, the crackle of the flames. This moment was the most content she had been in her life. She had never remembered a moment in her life where her jaw ached from kissing, smiling and laughing so much in one night, she could never remember a time where she took one look at someone and needed to lean on them for support so her legs didn't turn to Jelly. She could never remember dreading going home after a date was coming to a end, in face she use to look forward to it. Yet Laying here with the voice, the beautiful green eyes and the soothing atmosphere was a moment she would treasure.  
  
" **But I wont hesitate no more. No more. It can not wait, I'm Yours. Well open up your mind and see like me, open up your plans and dam your free. Look in your heart and you'll find love. love. love. love"  
  
** The longer she listened to the voice, the harder it was holding in her emotions the beat was playful and light, more bubbly than anything. Yet Clarke found herself sitting up moving closer to the brunette her face level with Lexa's as she watched her lips sing the lyrics eye's trailing the curve that formed on them as she tried to supress the smile grow and distracting her from the song, Yet Clarke was mesmerised. She was taken aback by the pure beauty that was Lexa, she could sing, not doubt about it, her hands played the guitar like she was a natural, and then she was just beautifully breath taking. Her shoulder was still on display where the jumped had rested hanging off it, and god Clarke wanted to kiss it, sooth it, bite it. God she wanted Lexa.  
  
" **Listen** **to the moment of the people who dance and sing**   **Were just one big family. It's our** **God For-s** **aken sight** **to** **be loved, love, loved"**  
  
"I'm falling for you" Clarke confessed bringing the song to abrupt end. "You asked me why I care, why I want you." Clarke continues flickering her eyes to Lexa's lips as she furrowed her brows like Lexa would speak the words herself. "Why wouldn't I Lex?" She questioned returning her gaze to green eyes. "You beautiful" She confessed pushing her hand across Lexa's cheek and in to the baby hairs on the back of her neck. "You are one of the most interesting, strong people ive ever met" She continued "I love It when we fall asleep together, and hate it when we separate for school" Her lip's find Lexa in a soft quick kiss. "I love how you always have cold feet, and press them to mine in hope to warm them up" Clarke grins missing just that last night. "I love how nervous and shy you get, yet your confidence slowly pushed threw in the moment. I Love how incredible your body it, yet your completely oblivious to it all, the looks people give, the attempts at flirting that you take as friendly" The blonde laugh's as a small innocent smile appears on Lexa's lips ducking her head in embarrassment before connecting their eyes once more with a small kiss. "You scare me Lex. You scare me more than I can even begin to explain, yet I thrive on it. It excites me, you excite me" She confesses beginning to stand gripping Lexa's hand and pulling her up with her. "I don't want anyone else, And I'm hoping you don't either" She confesses showing the smallest amount of vulnerability. "i know its new to you, dating, friends, everything" Clarke admit "But ill wait. As long as it takes." Clarke confesses. "That is if you want me to" Clarke tried to make her eyes not pleading, she tried not to show Lexa how she had become dependant on her like oxygen. She didn't want her to see the venerability, the true extent she thought of the brunette, just in case Lexa didn't truly want her back.  
  
"I do" Lexa whispered close to Clarke's lips. It was quiet, extremely quiet and if you wasn't listening you would have missed it, but of course Clarke was listening, she head it, she head the two words that made her insecurity's melt away. The two words she acted like she never heard.  
  
"What?" She questioned unable to hide the evidence of hiding it, smile placed firmly on her lip's already leaning in ready to capture Lexa's luscious  lips.  
  
"I want you two" Lexa confirmed smile forming her lips now too as Clarke nodded with a quick "Yeah?" to which Lexa repeated before Clarke captured the brunettes lips for the hundredth time that night.  
  
"You two!" A man shouted shining a torch their way as he approached them in a blue uniform. "What are you doing?" he questioned. "This beach is off limits" He said firmly looking from girl to girl waiting on a explanation. Only Clarke was doing the same as was Lexa as they looked at one another quickly before to guard a smirk forming Clarke's lip's Before she realised a huff and a few whines with many hand movements going on in front of her.  
The man looked at Clarke just as confused as Lexa did, wondering what the hell she was doing, Lexa stealing a quick glance to the man looked at her in confusion and Lexa just returned the look as if saying if you don't know what the hell she is doing I don't. She looked back to the blonde once more before it clicked in her brain. 'I'm dear and you don't speak English' The words Clarke had spoke earlier in case they got caught. So as Lexa continued to watch the blonde frustrated hand movements, not hand movements she is sure is no sign language in anyway only hand movements shoved here and there to look that way. Her brow raised as the smirk Clarke gave her discreetly made her stomach drop. She wasn't being serious was she? She thought she was joking.  
  
"Well?" The man questioned growing impatient placing his hand on his hips facing Lexa fully knowing full well he can't understand anything Clarke was trying to say, nor anyone in the world for that matter. "What's going on here?" He questioned more firmly his stare becoming hard and Lexa's cheek flushed pink under his watch.  
  
"Urhh..No ..Eng-a-lish" She stuttered out raising her hands as her shoulders shook up and down, trying to mask her face with confusion other than embarrassment and fear. The man just looked between both girls not sure whether to press for more as one spoke no English and the other signing. Lexa daren't look at Clarke, if she looked at Clarke she would either laugh or panic so she just looked at the confused man in uniform as her looked just as confused as Lexa.  
  
"Well...Move on" He said slowly using hand movements much like Clarke "Leave." He ordered. "Here. stay. No" He tried in the smallest words.  
  
"Ahh."Lexa said in a weird kind of husk she wasn't even sure of. "O-K"She said with a bit of enthusiasm. Not thinking twice she turned grabbing somethings from the ground along with Clarke before making a run to the car.  
  
The second they dived in the car Clarke collapsed in to fit's of giggles holding her stomach, as she looked on at a very serious worried Lexa.  
  
"No Eng-alish" Clarke mimicked Between giggles. "I didn't think you would actually do it" Clarke laughed.  
  
"You told me two" She finally said breaking in to a smile as the situation came crashing down on her. "Well you were just waving your hands around" She tried to protest "I panicked" she tried to explain breaking in to her own laughter as she covered her face in embarrassment.   
  
"That was so cute" Clarke giggled placing her hand on Lexa's thigh as if it was the most natural thing in the world, her face red from laughing and her smile never wider.   
  
"Shut up" She mumbled in the palm of her hands.  
  
"Just a little heads up" Clarke grinned "I'm ever the voice of reason. Were screwed" She giggled.   
  
As the engine started and they began their drive back home, When ever Clarke didn't need to change gear her hand would slip right back to Lexa's thigh, as if it was her new home, and slowly but eventually Lexa placed her hand over it, squeezing it gently while staring out the windows watching the street lights passed, it may be the first date she had ever been on, but she had no doubt it would be the best, with a new story to tell of her embarassement of which Clarke had made her do. For the first time When Clarke had told her a funny story from the past, Lexa felt like she gained her first one as a adult, a teenage memory.  
  
\--  
  
Turning with a huff and a whine wishing that noise would just shut the hell up, with a swipe of the arm hitting the alarm silent, getting no luck what so ever as the noise continued  
"It's your phone" Lexa laughed snuggled up tightly gripping Clarkes top.  
  
"Nu uh" She whined "Not today" she pouted "Sleepy time" she mumbled burying her face back in the pillow before feeling Lexa shift "Nu uh. Stay" she whined.  
  
"It's raven" Lexa laughed handing the phone to the blonde who continued to bury a hole in her bed, anything to get that noise to stop.  
  
"You answer it" She pleaded with a long whine. "No. Leave it, she don't shut up when she starts"  
  
"What if its important"  
  
"Never is" She smiles quickly grabbing the phone hitting decline before throwing the phone down the bed. "Snuggle" She ordered burying herself in to Lexa more. Just as her eyes were beginning to catch some bloody rest the phone rings again. "Urgh!" she moans causing Lexa to laugh.  
  
"maybe you should answear it" Lexa tries again reaching for the phone before hitting accept and placing it to Clarke's ear before she had time to object. As blue eyes flew open glaring at the evil brunette infront of her, Lexa couldn't help but smile brightly.  
  
"What do you want" She gritted threw the phone.  
  
"Bitches were going camping!!" Raven shouts down the phone along with Octavia, well she thinks its Octavia. God she is to tired to care.  
  
"Go away" she huffs pushing the phone away from her ear, only making Lexa laugh more as she pushed it back.  
  
"Pack. Shit out. 1 hour!" Raven declared Before hanging up.  
  
"What was that?" Lexa questioned after the call ended.  
  
"Were going camping" she whined. "I hate camping" She grumbled. Closing her eyes once more to try rest, only to reopen them not long after closing them seeing a smiling green eyed brunette.  
  
"Hi"  
  
"Hi" Lexa smiled.  
  
"Every day would be a great day, if I woke up to you" Clarke admits sleepily climbing over the brunette.  
  
"You just woke up to me and you don't seem to great" Lexa teases.  
  
"I Woke to Raven actually." Clarke smirked "I much prefer you're voice in the morning"  
  
"RISE AND SHINE PORKY, LEGS!" Anya announced barging in the room making Clarke spring away from Lexa with a thump to the floor.  
  
"Holy fuck" She groaned  
  
"Chop chop!" she grinned pulling the curtains wide open. "Morning Lex" Anya added before turning to the blonde laying on the floor. "Clarke what are you doing on the floor?" She questioned "It's only Friday" She questioned shaking her head with a laugh before disappearing.  
  
"I hate me life" Clarke huffs getting to her feet. "Hold on. How does Anya already know we're going camping?"  
  


 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little bit of writers block.  
> This was a little hard to write TBH!  
> Let me know your thoughts. Comments Kudos!  
> Thanks for the amazing reaction I've have so far, hope you continue to love the story, not sure when Next update will be up yet.


	20. Camping

**Lost And Insecure!  
**

 

"So smiling to yourself now?" Costia questioned with a smirk firmly on her lips "Is that a new thing now or is that a blondes doing?" She questioned removing her gaze from the road to look at the brunette for a few seconds.  
  
"What?" Lexa asked pointlessly, she knew full well what Costia had said and she also knew it was true. She had been staring in to absolutely nothing with a smile that seemed to keep appearing the more she became lost in thought, and every time she realised that the smile had reappeared again she tried to supress it, clearly with no luck. She hadn't spoken about Clarke with anyone other than the brief conversation she had to have with Costia after being caught making out. Truth is Lexa is confused, more so than before. At first their first kiss had been a whirl wind as Lexa melted in to it, she melted in to it like chocolate was melting on your finger, quick and natural. Yet the more Clarke showed more interest as time continued Lexa was baffled. For many years Lexa had only ever been in a hole, a hole that seemed to dig deeper with loneliness, a hole that held no love, no family, no friends and no way of getting out. She was stuck alone and unwanted, yet now somehow at some point the hole seemed darker, like someone was standing at the entrance crowding around ready to help, ready to throw a rope down giving you the option to escape the world you have become so use to, and when she looks up all she see's is Clarke.  
  
"You heard me" Costia laughs focusing on the car in front, the car that just so happens to have Clarke Griffin driving. "Why are you smiling like that?"  
  
"like what?" Lexa questioned acting completely oblivious to something that was more than obvious. She wasn't sure exactly what to say about Clarke or how to say it, they had been on a date. Clarke had confessed her feelings on more than one occasion and when it came to sleeping at night, their cuddles were tighter, their kisses lingered and admittedly Lexa could never get her out her head. She wasn't even truly aware why she was smiling so much now, she wasn't sure if it was the way they woke with Clarke whispering how much she liked to wake to the brunette, or if it was their heated make out session they shared in their bedroom before they left, the kiss that still left a sweet taste on Lexa's tounge and the tingling of her fingers to increase. It could even be when Lexa volunteered to ride with Costia so their was more room in Clarke's car for Octavia to ride with them, the way Clarke's head snapped towards Lexa didn't go unmissed. She watched at Clarke stuttered excuses to everyone trying not to be to obvious so Lexa would ride with her. She watched as Clarke's eyes followed Lexa as she entered Costia's car with a sad smile on her lips. Even Lexa was beginning to wonder why she volunteered her seat away, the drive was three hours and she already hoped the journey would come to a end just to connect her green eyes with blue once more. She wasn't sure if she would like camping, admittedly it was a first time and she was all for outdoors but, only Costia and Anya knew about the two of them, and Clarke had made it clear at school that she wasn't ready for people to know yet, as they sat with a small distance between them, no kisses, no touches occasionally gentle grazes here and their but other than that everything seemed as it should. So spending the next three days in the comfort of Clarke's friends sounded very adventurous yet Lexa already missed the comfort of their bedroom where kisses and cuddles would always be waiting.  
  
"Like someone just brought you a new puppy" Costia continued. "You're barely taken your eyes of Clarke's car. Spill!" Costia demanded with a teasing tone.  
  
"what do you want to know?" Lexa questioned unsure of what really to say.  
  
"How about what's going on between you? Is she a good kisser? Like.. I don't know have you hooked up?" Costia rambles only pausing as she follows Clarke's car carefully around a round about. "Are you together now?" Costia questioned finally taking a glance in Lexa's direction letting her know she had finished. Lexa's smile seemed to form automatically she couldn't help but find the whole situation bizarre yet amusing at the same time, she was actually being questioned on a love life, on how someone kissed, it was like a movie she had watched where their best friends would quiz you till they knew every last detail, a situation Lexa never thought she would ever be in, yet here she was.  
  
"She is a good kisser" Lexa smiles looking to the small black Golf infront of them seeing Blonde hair from the drivers seat only made her smile grow.  
  
"I love how out of all those questions, the only one you answer is about her kissing" Costia teases. "Is she better than me?" Costia questioned smirk on her lips and raised brow.  
  
"definatly" Lexa laughs as Costia smacks her on her arm.  
  
"Cheeky git" She laughs placing her hands back on the steering wheel.  
  
"It not like we really kissed" Lexa smiles remembering how nervous she was when they shut the closet door on Costia and herself for seven minutes in heaven. Costia had understood her fears and nerves having never had proper physical contact before so as they opened the door Costia's gave Lexa a soft lingering kiss allowing the group to open the door and believe what ever they wanted with all their wolf whistles and howling, and Lexa had never been more grateful of Costia.  
  
"I know" Costia grins "Their faces" Costia laughs "Like horny uncontrollable dogs."  
  
"I Never said thank you" Lexa said after a while of silence.  
  
"For what?"  
  
"Everything" Lexa admitted. "Talking to me. Being patient. Never giving up" Lexa words showed her vulnerability as the smile reached her lips  
  
"You're welcome" Costia mirrored Lexa's smile reaching over and squeezing the brunettes hand. "I'm glad I did. No regrets." She said honestly. "But don't think you can escape the topic that easily..so Clarke" Costia grinned devilishly as Lexa just turned back to the road watching the car infront glide along the road with such ease.  
  
"Im going to regret riding with you aren't I?" Lexa questioned beginning to fiddle with her top with a smile plastered on her face, yet nervous at the questions that were about to fly her way.  
  
"One hundred percent" Costia laughed. "Have you learnt her weak spots yet?" Costia laughed as Lexa groaned in her chair, cheeks going pink but unable to mistake the warm buzzing feeling swamping her stomach at being able to speak about Clarke. Is this what it's like to actually live?  
  
\----  
  
"Someone's grouchy" Anya teases looking to the blonde.  
  
"I am not grouchy" Clarke bites looking in her rear view mirror for the hundredth time, she could see Costia and Lexa talking in the car behind, that much was Clear, only what they were talking about was a mystery.  
  
"Of course you're not" Anya laughed turning in her chair to face Octavia. "You should have seen her fly of Lexa this morning when I crashed in the room"   
  
"You were on top of Lexa?" Octavia questioned eagerly sitting forward.   
  
"I did not fly of her!" the blonde objects.  
  
"Really? You hitting your fucking back on the ground with a thud was a smooth move?" Anya laughed mockingly. "She shit her pants!" Anya stated.   
  
"I did not shit my pants!" Clarke denied looking in the rear view mirror once more.  
  
"You will in a minute if you keep looking in that fucking mirror!" Anya teases not even attempting to hide the fact she was being so obvious.  
  
"Stop swearing!" Clarke moans "What are you talking about, I have to stay aware of the roads around me"  
  
"I don't think looking behind you is going to help very much" Octavia adds with a giggle pushing her face between the two girls sitting at the front. "Lexa wouldn't happen to be in the car behind would she?" She questioned teasingly before turning around and looking at the white Range Rover following. "Oh and what do you know" Octavia laughs turning back around "Little old Lexa is sitting at the front"  
  
"Shut up" Was all Clarke could say, having no defence left.  
  
"Ohh... shut up" Anya mocks laughing. "Hear that Octavia.. 'Shut up'" She mocks once more laughing with the brunette in the back. "Big argument you had there I expected better from you"  
  
"I hate you guys" She groaned trying her very best to focus on the road infront of her.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, to the interesting stuff!" Anya waves off "Why are you pining over her, she is only in another car."  
  
"I'm not pining"  
  
"You are pining" Octavia grins.  
  
"What is this gang up on Clarke? I can seriously drop you of on the corner!"  
  
"Oh avoiding the question" Anya acknowledged turning to the brunette. "One strike for Clarke"  
  
"Strike for Clarke" Octavia plays along waving her finger as if she had striked Clarke with one.  
  
"You two are crazy"  
  
"keep up with that talk, and you will earn yourself a second strike missy" Anya points out her face trying to remain as serious as possible.  
  
"What the hell are bloody strikes"  
  
"Language Clarke" Anya mocks, leaving Clarke to roll her eyes as she continues to drive. "Are you a couple now?" Anya questioned both girls eyes settling on the blonde driving.  
  
"What?" Clarke stutters. "I'm not playing this game! Why am I the only one playing this game? Why aren't you getting any questions"  
  
"That's a second strike" Anya says displeasingly.  
  
"Second strike" Octavia announces laughing as she moved her hand in the air again.  
  
"stop giving me strikes"  
  
"Trust me you don't want three" Anya admits  
  
"Why?" Clarke questions turning her gaze to her cousin for a minute "What happens when I get three?" she questions nervously. She loves her cousin she does, but she hates her stupid games.  
  
"Get three and you will find out" She grins ignoring the blondes stare as she turned to Octavia with a glint in her eye. "Is she a good kisser?" Anya questions, smirks quickly appearing on girls lips.  
  
"Is she a to much tounge kind of girl? Or not enough? Is she a slobbery kisser?" Octavia questions wanting more details.  
  
"Oh my god" Clarke wines closing her eyes for just a second.  
  
"Is that a third strike?" Anya questions.  
  
"NO!" Clarke says a little too quickly before releasing a huff. She shouldn't play these silly games, she knew that, but Anya was a pain in her ass when she wanted to be, and spending the next three days with her, well lets just say she was more than happy to avoid those three strikes.  "Her kisses are perfect" Clarke says regrettably as both girls grin at her smugly knowing they have her exactly where they want her.  
  
"When you say perfect?" Octavia pushes teasingly but serious  
  
"I Mean best kisser hands down" Clarke admits unable to help herself from looking in the rear view mirror at Lexa in the car behind.  
  
"Awhh.." Octavia coo's  
  
"yuck" Anya pulls a sickening face not even caring it doesn't meet her eyes as she watches her cousin search for Lexa in her mirror, small smile creeping her lips.  
  
"So I think we have her where we want her" Anya speaks after a moment "What do you think O?" Anya questioned.  
  
"Seems about right. Hmm I think we should dig deeper" She grins  
  
"I hate you!" Clarke points out turning to face Octavia. "You're dead to me"  
  
"I'll get over it I'm sure" Octavia admits "Have you had wet dreams?"  
  
"Octavia!"  
  
"What? I'm curious? you sleep in the same bed every night"  
  
"I am not answering that" Clarke's pink cheeks were enough to answer the question with out her needing to actually say anything, but of course where was the fun in that?  
  
"Strike three?" Anya questions supressing her giggle.  
  
"Fine. Yes" Clarke whines hating her life the more the seconds passed, this would be the longest few hours of her life.  
  
"Who's on top?" Anya questions  
  
"Me. Lexa don't like being on.." Clarke stops mid sentence realising the words leaving her mouth so easily.  
  
"Ohhhhh!!!" Octavia squeals "Say what!? Lexa don't like to be on top?"  
  
"Have you two already?" Anya questions curiously her face becoming serious for a moment.  
  
"What no. No. we haven't" Clarke rushes panicked "We haven't done that yet. God."  
  
"How do you know she's not a top then?" Anya questions confused.  
  
"She just, urgh" The blonde huffs "This is private, you can't say anything" Clarke pleads. "She just gets all nervous when we’re making out and she ends up on top. Like she isn't comfortable, or she doesn't know what to do." Clarke admits nervously.  
  
"Makes sense" Anya agrees "I mean she is shy, nervous and not exactly the most confident." Anya nods unconsciously as if thinking about Lexa.  
  
"Yeah. I don't mind. It's kind of cute" Clarke admits thinking of the brunette above her. She would always hold that nervous smile on her lip's when they would kiss it would be more edgy as Lexa wasn't sure what to do with her body weight, or her hands. It was so cute. The thoughts itself had Clarke smiling and without even knowing it herself yet, her eyes had found Lexa in the mirror, just as she was laughing at something Costia had no doubt said. It made her heart warm and flutter at the same time.  
  
"So fucking cute" Anya admits  
  
"stop swearing"  
  
"What? How do people not swear? Where would their anger go? How do they show their enthusiasm? What if they stub their toe? I don't think golly gosh will really cut it! I mean if Lexa started making out with Costia right now, you going to tell me that you would not be like fuck this fuck that, fucking bitch? Or you going to try say golly gosh that's awful?"  
  
"Fair point" Clarke says after a moment.  
  
"Thank you"  
  
\----  
  
  
"Let's go camping they said" Clarke huffs "It will be fun they said. Pfft Fun my ass" She whines following Raven through the woods holding fire wood.  
  
"You talking to yourself again?" Raven laughs exiting the forest and approaching their ten man tent.  
  
"What's she moaning about now?" Bellamy asks with a knowing smile on his lips as both girls drop the wood on the ground.  
  
"when ain't she moaning" Anya laughs placing herself on a log as Fin try's putting the fire together.  
  
"I'm not moaning" Clarke defends "Why do we have to be near a lake? And a forest for that matter?" Clarke questions finding her seat next to Octavia, directly opposite from Lexa. "Have you guys not watched Friday the 13th? Or any horror film for that matter?" Clarke questioned pulling her coat tightly around her as her eyes scanned the forest right behind their tent. The group laughed at the blonde she was always like this, paranoid and just generally hated camping there was to many flies, spiders, and thing that had legs or just generally moved.  
  
"I don't know why you're laughing. People in sleeping bags are like tacos to bears" The blonde pointed out allowing her eyes to fall to Lexa who was staring adoringly at her. God she hated camping, she really hated camping, but she could look at Lexa wrapped tightly up in her wellies jeans and over sized coat all day, to top it of her hair was braided either side to the middle keeping her thick hair neat. She looked in her element, maybe Clarke could grow to camping just to look at her like this.  
  
"I Don't think bears are around here" Fin laughed at the blonde as he finally had the fire going, about time it's getting dark and its freezing.  
  
"never know" Clarke muttered to herself pushing her chin further in her coat as everyone took a seat around the camp fire while Roan fetched the alcohol from the car.  
  
"Oh no" Anya announces slapping her leg  
  
"What?" Octavia questioned.  
  
"I forgot my teddy bear!" She admits taking a beer from Roan "Look's like I'll have to sleep with you Raven" She says flirtatiously sending a wink in ravens direction, the whole group let out a small laugh knowing she was back to her old tricks.  
  
"Keep dreaming" Raven laughs taking a sit of her beer.  
  
"Oh I will" Anya admits eyeing the brunette. "I'd die happy seeing you naked" She admits biting on her lip, ignoring the laughs and eyes trailing from one girl to the other at their exchange.  
  
"Oh really" Raven plays along, eyeing Anya right back. "Problem is, if I were to see you naked. I'd probably die laughing" She bites back taking a proud gulp of her drink.  
  
"Care to test that theory?" Anya continued. Clarke could do nothing but roll her eyes with a smile on her lips. Typical Anya would never give up without a fight, and Raven loved control and that was certainly what Anya was giving her, she felt she should warn her cousin of Raven's ways, but she figured she would learn in time.

Her smile dropped from her lips as her focus was Lexa once more, and Roan who happened to take a seat right beside her, offering her a beer in hand as they exchanged smile's and chit chat. Clarke tried focusing on the bottle in her hand, the rim, the cold liquid inside, she tried focusing on anything really, anything other than the girl infront of her who had been continuously hit on by Roan at a number of events. She hated how Roan would laugh with more enthusiasm, she hated how Lexa was completely oblivious to his smooth moves. Most of all she hated how Jealous she got from such a small thing, where as she had never even had a incline of jealously before. Literally nothing. She looked over to Fin who was crouch down near the fire, he was lovely he really was. Yet with him it didn't quite feel how Lexa felt to her, he did what he wanted when he pleased and quite honestly Clarke didn't care, she wasn't worried or jealous enough to ever question what he was doing where he was, she just nodded and smiled, never really paying true attention in the first place. It sounds horrible doesn't it? to spend a few years with someone thinking you were happy, although you were never really truly in it, not 100% anyway. When her eyes drift back to the brunette still deep in conversation now with Costia and Roan, she trailed every detail of the brunette, her jaw line that became more clear when she smiled her eyes that sparkled more with the orange of the fire. She was beautiful, truly deeply crazy beautiful. Everything she did, every movement she made Clarke held on to every last one, it had only been a short while, but she already knew Lexa had left her mark on the blonde and if she was to leave it, the scar would be bigger and deeper than the one Fin could ever leave.  
  
That scared her.  
  
"So who's sleeping with who? Two to each room"  
  
"I'm with Jasper" Monty shouts quickly.  
  
"I'm with Bellamy" Fin adds.  
  
"I'm with Raven" Anya grins  
  
"Hell you are!" I'm with Octavia!" Raven quickly adds only making the challenge more appealing to Anya.  
  
"Actually.. Octavia's with me" Anya smiles "Ain't that right O? we spoke about it on the way, I was just kidding"  
  
"Yeah.. sorry Raven" Octavia hesitates looking to Raven with a apologetic look.  
  
"I'm with..Le-"  
  
"I'm with Lexa" Costia shouts out unable to hear what Clarke was saying.  
  
"I'm with Clarke then" Raven said quickly. The conversation dropping from Clarke's ears as her head snaps towards Lexa.  
  
Lexa's sharing a room with Costia. Costia. Really? What just happened? Is all Clarke can think as her eyes give her away and her lip is gripped between her teeth. She hadn't seen Lexa all day, except this morning but other than that all day she has done nothing but be able to look at the girls reflection in the mirror, or watch her from afar, unable to touch, unable to kiss all while Roan sits there with his stupid flirty smile, and stupid close proximity that he always seems to think is necessary when talking to Clarke's girlfriend. That's right Clarke's girlfriend. She had never had the urge to punch Roan in the face, but right now that's all she wanted to do, and Costia, god Costia caught them kissing, surely she must know right? Why would she claim herself with Lexa. Pulling her gaze from green eyes she focused back on her drink, taking a few larger gulps than before till the liquid was gone.  
  
"I need another drink" She muttered standing to her feet and heading in the direction of the cooler oblivious to Octavia hitting Anya's arm and pointing to the distressed blonde.  
  
\--  
  
The camp fire was slowly burning out while empty beer bottles scattered around the place as the group chat continued to flow smoothly. Roan didn't move from Lexa's side all night neither did Costia, which only made the blonde drink faster, downing bottle by bottle until she was unable to see Lexa clearly, until she stopped noticing Lexa's nose scrunch up in the cutest of ways when ever she took a swig of her beer, evidently hating the bitter taste in her mouth. She drank until her mouth no longer had a filter, yet had no energy to move her lips to speak. Fin and Anya had moved Closer to the blonde as her body became more heavy struggling to stay up straight. Fin was holding her weight up and ready to help when leaning to far back and Anya slowed her drinking pace as she gripped Clarke's hand.  
  
"Maybe we should go for a walk?" Fin questioned worriedly. Clarke liked to drink, she enjoyed one every now and again but he had never seen her get this drunk before, she had always been able to support her own weight, to never need help guiding her from one place to another.  
  
"Is that what you're calling it now? A walk?" Jasper questioned laughing over the tip of his drink to drunk himself to notice Anya's glare telling him to shut up. "walking is defiantly not what you were doing!" Jasper laughed throwing a stone in to the fire. Clarke's brow furrowed for a moment in her drunken state trying to fix her memories together to understand what Jasper seemed to be hinting at.  
  
"What was she doing?" Lexa questioned curiously confused herself expecting another hilarious Clarke camping story.  
  
"Our Clarkey here! Was getting down and dirty!" Jasper laughed "Ouch" he whined rubbing at his forearm where Octavia hit him. "What?" He questioned "She was!" he laughed still oblivious. "Fucking loud an all! Even after being caught by myself, they still had no shame" he laughed "They came back to the tent thinking they were being more discreet"  
  
We are so not having this fucking conversation right now.  
  
"Oh I remember that!" Monty chipped in "Clarke lost her bra!" He laughed With the group quickly following suit accept Anya Lexa and Clarke that is. She tried to fix her eyes on the brunette she really did, but she was to far away and way to blurry the more she tried the more her body was unable to stay up right.  
  
"That walk" Fin quickly stated quickly gripping tighter to the blonde before she fell of the log, helping her stand while throwing his arm around her waist.  
  
"Oi oi" Jasper encouraged with a wolf whistle, Earning another slap from Octavia.   
  
"Wait-" Clarke pushed out her lips her body swaying almost lifeless from one foot to the other while Fin's grip tightened as they faced the group. "I am not going- not having SEX" she stuttered pointing her finger at someone, who it was she wasn't sure as her eyes squinted to help see clearly. "No!" She muttered not making any sense. "Where's Where Lexa?" Clarke questioned the group unable to see the brunette.  
  
"She's just there Clarke" Raven laughed pointing across the fire to a blur.  
  
"Come here" She mumbled as the group laughed at her sloppy self. "Come" She whined after a few seconds of still no Lexa.  
  
"I'm here" Lexa soft voice was heard making Clarke blink a few times to fixate her eyes on the figure that had came closer.  
  
"No Sex Lexa" She said with more enthusiasm than she thought pointing at the brunette standing infront of her. She wasn't sure if she was telling Lexa not to have sex, or if she was telling Lexa she isn't going to have sex, her brain was pretty fucked right now so all she could do was try.  
  
"Ok Clarke" Lexa smiled gripping the blonde also as she swayed. As if on instinct Clarke's other arm dropped from Fin's neck that was helping her up right and snaked around Lexa having her holding Clarke's weight instead, and as if natural to Lexa her arm's wrapped tightly around the blondes waist holding her up right against her own body.  
  
"Where have you been?" Clarke ordered "I did not see you Lexa" She questioned confused her eyes wide and her mind going on a frenzy   
  
"I was right over there" Lexa smiled trying to supress her laugh, drunk Clarke was cute Clarke.  
  
"Come on you" Fin interrupted trying to take Clarke's weight of Lexa. "Let's go for a walk"  
  
"Lexa I'm not going for a- not walking with Fin. I'm not." Clarke tried keeping a grip around the brunettes neck. "I only walk- ok.?" She questioned her eyes all blood shot and her breath stinking of beer. "Lexa ok?" She questioned desperately after Lexa didn't reply immediately.  
  
"Ok Clarke" Lexa smiles allowing Fin to take Clarke around him once more.  
  
"Bye Lexa." Clarke waves sloppy, until She is pulled away towards the lake with Fin.  
  
"What are we dead?" Anya questioned looking to Octavia "Or invisible?"  
  
"I think that was Clarke's drunken arses way of telling Lexa she isn't doing that kind of walk with Fin." Octavia laughs. "That was a little awkward" She admits looking to Jasper engaged in a new conversation with Monty and Bellamy.  
  
"You're telling me. Lexa's face dropped" Anya admitted still eyeing the brunette who had wondered back to her seat occasionally looking in the direction where Clarke vanished with Fin. "Clearly Clarke's mumble jumble made her feel better" She admitted nudging Octavia in Lexa's direction, where Lexa was smiling at literally nothing.  
  
"What are you two dorks discussing?" Raven questioned placing herself on the same log.  
  
"Oh we're just thinking of having a three sum" Anya lies casually scanning her eyes around the group of friends. "I'm not sure which one though how about you O?" Anya questioned taking a sip of her drink.  
  
"Oh I don't know. Roan's kind of a hunk?" Octavia plays along. "Could be a girl? I mean Costia is stunning"  
  
"She is" Anya admits turning to face Octavia. "Her arse is amazing you seen it?" Anya questions.  
  
"It is. Then there's Lexa. Her Legs are amazing"  
  
"True. But she's family to me now, that's a no go!"  
  
"You two fucking with me right now?" Raven questioned looking to the two serious looking girls.  
  
"Why would we be fucking with you Raven? I believe you didn't want me to Fuck with you" Anya says teasingly allowing her eyes to trail the length of the Latina's body.   
  
"So you two?" Raven questioned looking between the girls not sure on how to finish that sentence.  
  
"I'm hot. She's hot. why not?" Octavia questioned. "Little bit of fun right?" She questioned trying not to laugh at Anya.  
  
"oh right" Raven said a little disappointed "Well ill leave you two it then" she said standing up and walking over to the rest of the group. Octavia unable to hold her laughter back any longer giggled in to Anya's forearm not wanting to draw attention to herself.  
  
"If I didn't know any better I would say my best friends a little jealous" Octavia laughed.  
  
"She want's to play games, ill play them right back" Anya smirks admiring the Latina's fine arse from a distance.  
  
\---  
  
When they all decided it was time for bed they all made it in to their separate rooms in the tent, bringing all their essentials in to the middle of the tent along with a few chairs a few of them had brought. Raven watched on as Octavia and Anya zipped up behind them a smirk on Anya's lips as she noticed Raven watching. Lexa nervously made her way in to her room with Costia biting on her inner lip as she snuggled down already lost in thought. Clarke had not returned with Fin, and it had been well over a hour. The rest of the group didn't seem phased saying they will be back when their ready, yet Lexa tossed and turned beneath the sleeping bag now only seeing the light from the fire outside coming to a end. Her feelings had been a little of a whirl wind through out the night. She loved hearing previous camping stories, especially when it came to the blonde as it seemed she hated camping, how Bellamy and Fin had once put her on a float while she was a sleep and let her drift out to the lake, until she woke rolling in to the water. She could see why she hated camping. Then there was roan who seemed to keep placing his hand on the middle of Lexa's back, it wasn't threatening but she felt uncomfortable having the blonde only opposite her, she kept hoping Clarke would come sit with her, disturb them like she had every other time, only this time she didn't. She sat opposite barely making eye contact with the brunette as she drank and laughed with Raven , Anya and Fin. The brunette knew everyone had a past, especially Clarke with Fin, yet hearing the story of them being caught was a little sickening, it made her stomach turn in disgust at the thought and all she could do was look down. She knew they did it, of course she did Clarke had lost her virginity to the boy, but for some reason hearing Clarke having sexual encounters with someone else shook her a little. Shook her a lot. The thought was horrible and the vision was planted firmly in her brain, thanks to jasper. Then the blonde had to be all cute and drunk, and just I don't know reassure her I guess, that Clarke was infact going for a walk, but not that kind of walk then leaving Lexa smiling until she couldn't see the blonde no more. A hour though? Clarke should be in bed, she should be sleeping she was drunk barely able to walk and with Fin. She certainly wasn't able to think properly.  
  
"Stop thinking" Costia groaned turning to face the brunette. "She's fine"  
  
"I know" Lexa smiled but it didn't meet her eyes. She wasn't sure what she was really worried about, the fact that Clarke might not be ok, or the fact she could be perfectly ok, better than ok while 'walking' with Fin, and this whole thing, what ever this thing was could be done, finished and forgotten with maybe that's the reason Clarke didn't want to interrupt Roan, maybe she was having to much fun talking with Fin already.  
  
"Do you want to talk about it?" Costia questioned placing her arm around Lexa "About Clarke?" she whispered.  
  
"Nothing to talk about" Lexa whispered back pushing herself move in to the sleeping bag in hope to fall asleep.  
  
\--  
  
"Lexa" Costia nudged shaking the brunette in hope her eyes would flicker open and come back to reality. "Wake up" She pleaded shaking the girl once more as tears trickled down the brunette's cheek her fist clenched tightly together while her body shifted erratically. "You're having a nightmare" She pointed out in hope Lexa could hear her voice as she shook her once more, concern growing bigger and bigger by the second.  
  
"No.. no.." Lexa mumbled her tears increasing "Don't!" she snapped her head whipping from one side to the other.  
  
"LEXA!" Costia snapped shaking her erratically till her eyes snapped open and she bolted up right. Green eyes scanned erratically at Costia and her surroundings, a thin layer of tears coating her eyes.  
  
"Clarke" Was the first word to leave the brunettes lips it was soft and shaky all in one, the concern was evident and the panic quickly increased.  
  
"No. Costia" Costia pointed out softly placing her hands either side of Lexa's forearm. "You had a nightmare" Costia whispered not wanting to let go of Lexa she had never seen something like that before, she had nightmares herself but never had she ever cried while nearly fitting in the bed. "Are you ok?" she questioned just as scared as Lexa both their breathing rapidly increased, Costia from fear and Lexa from her nightmare.  
  
"Where's Clarke?" Lexa questioned ignoring the original question.  
  
"Asleep? I don't know. Do you want me to get her?" She questioned her eyes jumping across Lexa's face as she watched the brunette nod while dropping her gaze.  "Ok. Ill be right back. Stay here ok?" Costia questioned still not moving a inch even after Lexa nods. It took a few moments for Costia to be convinced Lexa would be ok for a moment on her own finally when she was satisfied she exited their part of the tent and walked over to the opposite end unzipping Clarke and Raven's room.  
As she pulled the zipper down Raven sat up with squinted eyes looking to see who had disturbed her.  
  
"Costia?" Raven questioned confused still struggling to see properly.  
  
"Where's Clarke?" Costia questioned seeing no blonde in the small room. Raven looked to her side then back to Costia.  
  
"She didn't come back. She's still with Fin"  
  
"Fuck" Costia muttered. Looking in to Raven's part of the tent and back to the middle, she had two options. She could go back and tell Lexa Clarke was not here, that Clarke was still with Fin, Or she could go in search for Clarke herself.  
  
"What's up?" Raven questioned.  
  
"Nothing" she lied plastering a smile on her lips "Go back to sleep" Before Raven could object Costia was already zipping the tent up returning back to the middle of the tent 'The living area' as people say. If she went back with out Clarke, Lexa would only worry more, and maybe even upset Lexa in the process as Clarke was with Fin and had been gone way over four hours. She could also go and look for the blonde, she has no idea where the two had gone, or what she might find for that matter, but she had never seen such fear in someone's eyes from waking from a nightmare.  
  
"Fuck it" Costia muttered grabbing the closest pair of shoes she could find a pair that clearly weren't hers as they were to big. As she exited the tent the sky was still black with the night sky. She reached back in to the tent reaching for a torch before making her way down the path Clarke and Fin had walked down. She held herself tighter as she took slow nervous strides forward beginning to see the lake at the end, Why she thought doing this was a good idea she didn't know. Hell Clarke could be right she could be eaten by a bear! As silly as Costia knew that sounded every thought ran through her head as she did the long slow dark walk alone, with the sound of ruffling leaves and blown branches she was scared, of course she was, it was the middle of the night.  When she approached the Lake her eyes scanned the shore shining her flash light from one side to the other until the finally found a shadow laying against a tree. The closer she got, the more sure she became seeing Fin's back against the tree and Clarke laying sleeping across his lap.  
Stupid drunks.  
"Clarke" She mumbled shaking the blonde awake, thankfully it was a lot easier than waking Lexa, although Clarke was a lot more groggily as her eyes clamped shut tighter her hand immediately coming to her head with a groan..  
  
"Urgh.." Clarke sat up rubbing at her temple, struggling but trying to open her eyes. "Can you get that light out my face" She moaned pushing Costia's hand away "Where am I?" She questioned her eyes focusing on Costia and then to Fin. "What am I doing here?" She questioned more confused as Fin slept quietly.  
  
"You fell asleep" Costia said "I think" twitching her lip to the side hoping that's all the blonde did. "Clarke. It's Lexa"  At the mention of the brunette's name her eyes snapped open completely and her focus was fine.  
  
"What about her? Where is she?" She questioned quickly looking down the lake.  
  
"She's fine. I think. She had a nightmare. Clarke she's asking for you" Costia pointed out, that was all it took for Clarke to get to her feet with a slight stumble still with the alcohol still in her system.  
  
"Fin. Get up" Clarke nudged the boy quickly till his eyes shot open "Come on. Were going back to the tent" She pushed quickly eager to rush back. Fin quickly came back to the real world standing to his feet feeling sore and rough, Costia didn't want to ask why, she wasn't sure she really wanted to know as he rubbed at his muscles on the fast walking pace Clarke seems to have started to the tent.  
  
"What happened?" Clarke questioned furrowing her brows not clear on the night before.  
  
"I don't know. You disappeared with Fin, you didn't come back."  
  
"And Lexa?" Clarke questioned.  
  
"She was crying, and shouting out" Costia pointed quickly as the tent came in view. "She asked for you immediately. I didn't know what else to do"  Costia admitted "Go. Ill walk with Fin" She smiled pushing the blonde forward to the tent.  
  
"Thank you" She mumbled before jogging the rest of the way until she disappeared within the tent.  
  
\--  
  
When Clarke entered the tent, she was hit with a sight she never expected. A sight that left damp puddles on the brunette's cheek, a sight that showed every single fear, every single vulnerability in green eyes.  A sight that made Clarke pause for a second as the brunette sniffled. Lexa had had nightmares before and sure she had woke up in tears, she had woke up shaking with fear until she realised it was a dream, but she had never seen Lexa quite like this.  
  
"Hey" Clarke said softly quickly moving closer to the brunette as she pushed past the entrance, blue concerned eyes scanned Lexa's face entirely, pushing the damp hair away that stuck to her face. "Hi" Clarke whispered once more sitting directly infront of the brunette watching green eyes trace Clarke's features rapidly.  
  
"Clark-" She whispered, a single tear falling down her cheek as her word breaks at the end. Lexa places her hands on both of the blonde's cheeks like she was feeling for her, making sure she was truly there and not just a shadow of her imagination "You're ok" she sighed with relief still unable to tear green eyes from scanning all of Clarke.  
  
"I'm here. I'm ok" Clarke confirmed placing her hands over Lexa's that remain holding her cheeks. "See?" she questioned squeezing Lexa's hands gently. "I'm here with you" Clarke confirmed hoping to settle the worry in green eyes. It didn't stop Lexa's hands wondering from one place to the other in a panic feeling Clarke completely even as Lexa brought her body closer to Clarke needing to feel her, needing to feel her close and safe.  
  
"It felt so real" Lexa muttered her hands still holding Clarke close unable to remove her hands from the blonde in fear she really wasn't until her hand's drifted down to the blonde's top gripping at the top in a death grip.  
  
"Hey" Clarke finally say's pushing her self up on her knee's as she brings herself closer to Lexa placing the palm of her hand on Lexa's cheek and resting their foreheads against one another. "I'm not going anywhere. Ok?" She sooths rubbing her thumb back and forth.  
  
Green eyes finally lock with blue stopping there rapid search for something within Clarke, her grip tightening on the blondes top keeping her close as her breathing begins to sooth once more. Before Clarke can begin to speak again Lexa pushes her lips to Clarke's. No matter how much their lips are touching Lexa feels it isn't enough as she pushes even harder against the blonde's lips, needing to feel every ounce of her, searching for something that's already there. She feels vulnerable and scared, and some part of her deep down still feels the emotions in her nightmare. It may have all been a nightmare that created itself in her head, but the fear was real, the desperation was real and now she was just hoping Clarke being here was real. The blonde didn't expect it, but she also didn't deny it, the feel of Lexa's lips against hers fighting for something she was craving to find. Lexa continued to push her lips harder and faster against Clarke's until her knee's lost her balance and fell backwards in to the sleeping bag pulling Lexa with her. Their lips only  parted for a second until Lexa quickly attached them again her hand pushed in blonde lock's gripping it gently as her tounge fort against Clarke's.  
  
The quiet moans, hair gripping and biting lip was driving Clarke crazy. Her mind couldn't even process what was happening as Lexa's slick tounge travelled down the length of her neck stopping to nip on her pulse point while twirling her tounge. Her head pushed back giving Lexa better access as she dug her finger's in to Lexa's thick brown hair losing them instantly. "Fuck" Clarke muttered quietly gripping at Lexa's hip. She needed to stop this, she knew she did as much as she really, really didn't want to it wasn't right, Lexa wasn't in the right state of mind. "Lex" Clarke tried "hmm" She moaned feeling Lexa's kisses travel her neck. "Lexa" she tried again this time her voice finding it's self, making Lexa look up in to blue.  
  
"We shouldn't" Clarke panted unable to stop her eyes dart down to Lexa's damp perky lips before scanning her eyes with green. She studied Lexa's wondering eyes once more, it was fascinating really how they went from glazed over to back to their original insecure self.  
  
"I'm sorry" Lexa rushed pushing herself of the blonde immediately embarrassed her eyes scanning anywhere but Clarke's as her confidence instantly vanished and she had realised what she had done. "Clarke I.. I didn't mean t-"  
  
"Hey" Clarke interrupted quickly following the blonde as she pulled her closer once more. "You have nothing to apologise for" She admitted. "I liked it. You have no idea. It's just we shouldn't" She spoke softly gliding her thumb back and forth across Lexa's cheek until she was relaxed once more, trying to convince her own body that this was the right thing to do as her eyes focused on Lexa's lips once more. "We should try sleeping" Clarke finally says catching Lexa's gaze again.  
  
"will you lay with me?" Lexa questioned. Her fiddling finger's beginning to play with the sleeping bag beneath them as her nerves returned.  
  
"Of course. Come on lay down" she guided pulling Lexa down beside her. As if they were at home tucked up safe and warm in their own bed, Lexa found her all to familiar position gripping Clarke's top in the palm of her hand while Clarke snaked her arm around the brunette gripping her tightly while looking at the brunette in the darkened tent.  
  
"What did you dream about?" Clarke whispered nuzzling her nose against the brunette with her own before kissing the tip.  
  
"Titus" Lexa mumbled gripping Clarke's top even tighter than before.  
  
The blonde remained quiet giving Lexa her time to speak, or not speak at all, that was always her choice Clarke would never push her to say something she didn't feel comfortable discussing about the man that abused her as a child. All Clarke could do was hold her tighter, sooth her anyway she could as she placed small kisses here and there. Sometimes Lexa would open up about her dreams, sometimes she would remain quiet as she nuzzled in to the blonde as much as she could but this dream had Clarke more curious the way Lexa's eyes were panicked, how her eyes had scanned Clarke in search of something she did not know, she wanted Lexa to speak.  
  
"You were there" Lexa admitted flickering her eyes open to see the blondes eyes already watching her. "He tried to take me back. You tried to stop him, but he got angry" she whispered closing her eyes once more. Clarke watched her intensely before sliding her hand across Lexa's cheek in reassurance that she was infact ok, it must have worked at Lexa continued. "He hurt you so bad. You couldn't move, and then he turned to me." she muttered shaking her head of the thoughts. "I couldn't get to you. You just didn't move" she rushed her emotions coming through once more. "It felt so real, and then you wasn't here"  
  
"He can't get me Lex" Clarke reassured "He can't get you either. I Would never ever let that happen" Clarke whispered pressing their foreheads together.  
  
"It just felt so real"  
  
The silence lingered between the girls for a moment Clarke holding her tighter as their bodies melted in to one. She could see Lexa's eyes closed as her breathing began to even out, but she couldn't stop herself from gliding her finger tips along the outline of her hair shaping her face.  
  
"Maybe you should speak to someone. Someone who can help you" Clarke suggested not even sure Lexa was even awake as it had been a while since they had spoken.  
  
"Maybe" Lexa hummed pushing her head in Clarkes neck. "Clarke" Lexa whispered feeling the warm breath spread around her neck.  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"Where were you?" Lexa questioned. As Clarke tried to pull back and look down at Lexa the brunette only snuggled deeper in to her neck not allowing her to see her face, instantly making Clarke think Lexa did that on purpose. "Costia took a while to get you. She left the tent" Lexa acknowledged her voice more shaky than before.  
  
"I was at the lake" Clarke admits resting her chin on the top of Lexa's head. Lexa didn't respond for a moment she allowed the answer to sink in, feeling a tug to ask the next question but scared to ask at the same time. It's why she buried her face in Clarke, she buried it so deep Clarke wouldn't be able to see the fear and vulnerability in her eyes. Maybe Lexa had got everything wrong, I mean that is a huge possibility she had never had someone actually like her enough to know the difference. Maybe Clarke was just having casual make out sessions with her and she was a snuggly person? Yet part of her pulling the opposite way was saying the opposite, she hadn't seen Clarke look at anyone else the way she always finds Clarke staring at her, there was just something there.  
  
"With fin?" Lexa questioned more quieter. This time Clarke did try to pull away to look at Lexa's face once more only Lexa grip tightened so it was impossible.  
  
"Yes" Clarke said softly "Why won't you look at me?" Clarke questioned stretching her neck to try look down at the brunette.  
  
"have yo- I..Um.. Are you back together?" Lexa questioned once more her voice more quieter than the time before, if it wasn't dead silent in the tent, Clarke would have missed it. But she didn't, she certainly didn't miss it. As she quickly rolled on top of the brunette making it impossible to bury her face any longer and all she could see was a nervous brunette beneath her.  
  
She was ready to ask her why she would ask her that? Why was she thinking these things? but she didn't. She didn't need to she could see it, she could see Lexa's eyes refusing eye contact, her nerves were all over the place as she shifted uncomfortably beneath Clarke. The blonde had thought pointing out she wasn't interested in anybody else was extremely clear, but apparently not clear enough. She wondered what Lexa had fried up in her brain as a explanation to why Clarke couldn't keep her hands of her, to why Clarke would feel more jealous that she had ever experienced in her life. She wondered what Lexa thought Clarke truly thought of her, but she didn't ask. She couldn't ask.  
"No" Clarke spoke softly observing the brunette.  
She had been blind to have oblivious Lexa is to real life situations that she had never encountered before, Clarke had hoped there date, and the revelation of Clarke not wanting to do it with anyone else, along with Lexa saying the same was infact confirming they were only for one another. Maybe Clarke had read it wrong? Maybe Anya was right, she would have to officially ask Lexa the old fashioned way for her to understand the blondes full intentions. For now they should sleep, for now Clarke would say nothing, but she certainly planned on Lexa feeling exactly how Clarke felt.  
  
"We should sleep" Clarke whispered looking in those gorgeous insecure green eyes. "It's been a long night" Clarke admitted while still hovering above the brunette. Lexa nodded beneath her dropping her gaze between them yet Clarke could do nothing but still observe everything Lexa did, how her eyes would drop with her lip's, how her body would shift and tremble with nerves.  "I only have eyes for one" Clarke admitted slowly crawling of Lexa before pulling her tightly to her chest, feeling the warm breaths from Lexa's mouth once more.  
  
"Night Clarke" Lexa whispered wrapping her fist around Clarke's top once more, a habit Clarke adored.  
  
"Night Lexa" Clarke whispered back running her hand down Lexa's waist pushing underneath her top as she drew unplanned pattern's on Lexa's bare skin till they both fell asleep.  
  
\--  
  
"Cock a doodle do!!" Jasper shouted repeatedly through the tent when morning came.  
  
"Shut the hell up!" Anya shouted.  
  
"Cock a doodle do!!" Jasper shouted once more beginning to laugh.  
  
"Someone get him a gag!" Raven shouted  
  
"Jasper!!" Monty shouted hearing a tumble and a fall with a 'ouch'  "Shut the hell up it's 9am!" Monty added.  
  
Clarke was tuned out, she couldn't hear any of it her mind only focused on one thing, and one thing only. She had woken long ago to the brunette already awake, green shinny eyes watching her carefully as she had slept a soft tender smile on her lips and Clarke couldn't stop herself. She didn't stop herself. She pushed her fingers under Lexa's top gliding them back and forth feeling the hot sensation of Lexa's skin as she pushed tighter against Lexa. Without any 'morning's' or 'hi's They just watched one another for a while shyly yet nervously until Clarke couldn't resist any longer and perched herself up on her elbow before leaning down and capturing Lexa's lips. She captured her lip's in a kiss that said everything she needed it to, like good morning, hi, you look so beautiful, I cant stop. It was a kiss Lexa and Clarke equally needed a kiss that deepened quicker than Clarke had anticipated as her tounge pushed sensually against Lexa's. It was a kiss so slow that Clarke could taste Lexa's sweetness on her tounge, a kiss so slow Clarke's body temperature had risen dramatically as she climbed above Lexa her body guiding itself at what it want's and what it needs. The vibration's of Lexa's soft innocent moans sending electric wave's through Clarke's body causing her to push harder against the body beneath her that brought a louder moan to Lexa's lips, a moan which was unexpected but drove Clarke even more while quickly trailing her lip's down Lexa's neck finding her weak spot quickly sucking and biting. Lexa's body moved to its own accord with every suck her body whimpered and pushed tighter against Clarke's, with every lick Lexa's breath hitched along with her body until Clarke pulled at Lexa's top pulling it away from her collar bone so she could place kisses along the length of it causing Lexa's hand to shoot in to blonde lock's with a whimper. The blonde smiled against Lexa's skin as she trailed Lexa's biggest weak spot longer.  
"Clarke" Lexa whimpered quietly mouth open head tilted back giving Clarke all the access she needed but the top becoming quite the annoying obstacle.  
  
"I want to see you" Clarke whispered trailing her kisses back up Lexa's jaw. "Can I take this off?" she questioned pulling at Lexa's top. Lexa paused for a moment, she paused to take in the sight above her, to take in their current situation before she found herself nodding to the panting blonde. Clarke sat up with Lexa following their eyes meeting as Clarke grip's the end of Lexa's top.  
  
"Porky!!" Anya shouted whacking her hands against the tent door as it shakes. "Wake up!!" She shouts instantly causing Clarke to huff dropping her forehead against Lexa's.   
  
"I hate her" The blonde groans clamping her eyes closed trying to steady her heartbeat back to normal as Lexa giggles. "Don't laugh" She pouts "I just wanted to kiss you for a little while longer" She continues to sulk making Lexa smile and giggle a little more. "I hate camping" She groans once more placing a kiss on Lexa's lips.  
  
"I noticed" She grins.  
  
"Oh you did, did you?" She questioned with a smirk and raised eye brows. "What gave- Oh my god!" Clarke quickly jumps up shooting to the far end of the room causing Lexa to sit up confused. "There is something moving!" The blonde points in the corner of the tent already struggling to find the zipper as she daren't put her back to it. Lexa furrows her brows looking in the corner Clarke was talking about before shifting closer to it. "Don't touch it" Clarke ordered her eyes wide. "What is it!?" she screeches tucking her feet beneath her, just incase.  
  
"it's a beetle" Lexa says turning around with it in her hand.  
  
"Don't come near me!" Clarke orders gripping the sleeping bag against her as a shield as Lexa just watches on amused placing her hand infront of the other so it doesn't fall of. "Get it out" Clarke ordered pushing herself tighter to the edge. Lexa shuffles closer on her knees to Clarke and the blondes eyes widen with fear.  
  
"go away. Don't come near me" She ordered gripping the sleeping back tighter incase Lexa would throw it.  
  
"Clarke" Lexa said calmly with the amused smile on her face. "You're infront of the zipper" She informs with a giggle.  
  
"Oh" Clarke said quickly bolting away from the entrance.  
  
"I need you to open it"   
  
"Hell no" Clarke objects "I'm not coming near that ugly thing"  
  
"It's just a beetle"  
  
"What are you to shouting about?" Anya questions unzipping the entrance and poking her head through furrowing her brows at Clarke hiding before focusing on Lexa "What is she- Oh fuck!" she snaps jumping back with a stumble as she notices the crawling thing in Lexa's hand. Lexa was unable to resist her eye roll and laugh as she let the beetle go outside. "Don't know what you're eye rolling at" Anya defends  pushing her clothes back down neatly as she sorts herself out while Clarke drops the sleeping bag finally feeling safe enough to come out.  
  
"It's a bug" Lexa says confused "It's tiny" She points out   
  
"As I've said before. So's a grenade but you would soon run those pretty legs off if you seen one of those" She points out matter of factly before walking away as if  nothing ever happened.  
  
"You're so gross" Clarke points out once her cousin has gone.  
  
\--  
  
"too infinite and beyond!" Bellamy shouted pointing forward as he led the small group up the hill where they all followed with enthusiasm, all but one that is.  
  
"I hate camping" Clarke grumbled kicking the rocks beneath her feet.  
  
"You look like you need a high five" Anya teases holding her hand up for the blonde to hit.  
  
"I'll high five you're face in a minute" Clarke whines pushing forward. Exercise is not fun, no fun at all. Not one bit. Nun urgh. People are crazy.  
  
"N'awh and there's me thinking you would be on a high this morning after yours and Lexa's tent session.  
  
"Don't be jealous just because your getting none and Raven's resisting" Clarke laughs nudging her cousins shoulder as they look upon the two girls that have caught the Griffin's eyes. "On the plus side, 99% of my socks are single, you don't see them crying about it" the blonde teases.  
  
"That's because your a tramp" Anya stated with a small pant as she pushed harder at the steep hill pushing herself from the tree's behind her as a little boost. "I don't know what her deal is"   
  
"Raven's just raven" Clarke notes "She is stubborn. Love's control."  
  
"That's the thing. We've been texting before this camping business she invited me." Anya admits "But every time I say something, make a comment she knocks it back. I don't get it"  
  
"Stop flirting and make out you're not interested"  
  
"Hell with that" Anya grins. "I Got a plan of my own" She grins wiggling her eye brows.   
  
"Oh god"   
  
The sound of a branch snapping and a quick groan causes both girls to snap their head up to see the course. Seeing Lexa’s leg had slipped back on a branch from the ground causing her to drop to her knee's with arms out ready infront of her. A few laughed but before Clarke could even take a step forward to help Roan was helping her up as the group stood and waited. As he gripped Lexa's hand Clarke's eyes followed. When he dusted her down patting her body, her eyes furrowed.  
  
"Speaking of flirting. When you going to shut that boy down?" Anya questioned turning her focus back to the blonde while Clarke's gaze remained on Lexa and Roan.  "Ok. Very soon I take it" Anya observed judging by daggers, arrows, spears even bullets Clarke was throwing his way. "You look like you want to kill him" Anya laughed panting for breath.  
  
"He just don't give her a break" Clarke stated pushing forward with more fierce steps. "Cant he take the hint?"   
  
"What hint?" Anya questioned "That Lexa isn't exactly pushing him away?"  
  
"Lexa isn't even aware. She just thinks his being friendly" Clarke admits feeling anger build for her close friend.   
  
"Jealous?" Anya questioned already knowing the answer  
  
"Extremely" Clarke admitted watching Roan helping Lexa with her struggle at the hill.  
  
"What are you waiting for?" Anya questioned quirking a brow to the blonde. Clarke looked to her cousin, then to the girl she was falling crazy for remembering Lexa's vulnerability last night when she asked about Fin. Before Clarke could say or do anything else, she sprinted the small distance between her and Lexa leaving Anya howling behind with confused look from her friends.  
  
"Hi" Clarke smiled slipping her hand in to Lexa's as her head snapped to the side.  
  
"Hi" Lexa beamed biting the side of her lip at just the sight of the blonde beside her. They walked together hand in hand the whole way, they panted and struggled but when they finally reached the time Clarke couldn't resist holding Lexa back a little longer as the group headed back down, glad of Roan finally leaving their sides and Glad of the kiss Clarke helped herself to. Fingers tingling, hearts pounding and jaws aching was all they needed to distract them from the rain beginning to fall, from the cold weather slowly pushing through and for the jealousy to vanish in to nothing when Lexa's hand's clamped tightly around Clarke's coat as they kissed. God she was cute, so cute.  
  
\--  
  
Clarke had decided she doesn't like Roan no more, not even a tiny bit. He is purposely hitting on Lexa, that's all his done, smile, laugh, touch, whisper. It was beginning to grate on Clarke, it really was. Fuck she just wanted to rip his head of and push him of the stupid log he was sat on. Dick.   
The alcohol wasn't helping, infact it had made it worse as the group continued to have easy flowing conversation, accept Roan that is, he just seems focused on Lexa.  
Just Lexa. Clarke had caught his eyes trailing Lexa discreetly from across the camp fire a number of times and Clarke was struggling to grit her teeth through it, hell even Costia noticed Roan's wondering eyes and looked across to Clarke in wonder of what she was going to do. She just sat their. She tried not to watch, she really did but it was growing impossible no matter how much alcohol she was drinking, Lexa and Roan were keeping her sober.  
  
"Lets play a game" Octavia announces placing a empty beer bottle to the ground. "truth or dare" as she spins the bottle quickly before anyone can object.  
  
"Anya. Anya. Anya" Raven tutted as the bottle landed on her. "Truth or dare" She grins smugly ready to give her the wrath of her crazy mind.  
  
"Dare darling" Anya says confidently never afraid to back out from a challenge.  
  
"Ahh- I dare you two-  
  
"Snog Octavia" Clarke interrupted flashing a wink to her cousin in hope she would get the idea.  
  
"Dare accepted" Anya grinned standing to her feet.  
  
"What?" Raven questioned furrowing her brows.  
  
"Heck yes! Girl on Girl action!" Jasper cheered wiggling his eye brows as he sat up straight following Anya's movement.  
  
"Come here gorgeous" Anya teases winking at Octavia as she hooks a finger under her jeans and pulls her forward. Octavia struggled to contain her laughter rolling her eyes at the typical dare that seemed to come around for the girls. Anya slowly leant forward connecting her lips with the dark haired girl smirking in to the kiss as Octavia's arm's gripped around Anya's neck truly putting on a show as they deepened it. Tongues exiting and entering one another's mouth while they pushed further in to it, parting with grin's on their lips.  
  
"You are a hell of a kiss" Anya admits with a smirk.   
  
"I vote for that to happen again" Jasper stated quickly holding his hand up.  
  
"No" Raven snaps. "Spin the dam bottle." Raven orders as Anya takes her seat beside her cousin once more. Costia spins the bottle with a laugh cursing herself as it lands on herself.  
  
"Truth or Dare"   
  
"Suppose I better do a dare" Costia laughs placing her hand over her face.  
  
"I want to see you belly dance!" Anya shouts taking a swig of her drink "Your figure is amazing" Anya admits.  
  
"Are you just a pervert?" Raven bites a little annoyed.  
  
"Pervert? Not exactly I just see beauty" Anya grins flashing her a wink not giving it second thought before she turns and faces Costia once more. "What do you say? Heard you're good?" She questioned.  
  
"Urgh. Fine" She wines pushing her top up of her stomach till it rested on her breast. "Put some music on"  
  
"Already on it" Anya smiles hitting play on her phone as Shakira hips don't lie plays through the speakers.  
  
"Really?" Costia laughs. placing her hands on her head as she focuses on her belly.  
  
"Hey don't hate it. Were about to see if your hips Lie" She teases as Costia begins moving her stomach to the beat everyone's eyes on her. 

 

"Whitt woo" Fin whistles followed by a clap.

"Ok. You're good" anya admits after the girl takes a seat once more with pinker cheeks than she started.

"Thank you!" She thanks bowing her head to look at the burning fire "spin the bottle" she orders diverting the attention else where

"Ohh! Roan!" Bellamy grins sitting forward!

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth" he grins

"If you had to choose someone here to sleep with who would it be?" Bellamy asked mischievously, only causing Roan to roll his eyes with his charming smile.

"Easy. Lexa" he said softly turning his gaze to the brunette who shifts uncomfortably. A loud laughter erupted amongst the group causing some to furrow their brows while others just looked at Clarke laughing sarcastically.

"Oh god. No filter" Anya whispered to octavia as they both darted their eyes to a slightly drunken Clarke and a very confused Roan.

"You look like a right idiot" Clarke stated staring down the muscular boy. "Haven't you got the hint she isn't interested?" She laughs shifting her eyes to Lexa who looked like she was begging for the ground to swallow her whole.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right I need a chapterbefore Christmas and Lexa going to Thailand!  
> So people what would you like to read most, you can choose for the options below.. or choose one of your own
> 
> *Clarke loses it with roan  
> * Abby and Jake find out.  
> *Costia has words with Clarke, how will that go?  
> *Lexa feels jealous.  
> *Octavia and Anya? Or Anya and Raven?
> 
> Comments? Kudos? Sugestions!?


	21. Talk it out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You asked for it..

**Lost and Insecure!**

 

"You look like a right idiot" Clarke stated staring down the muscular boy. "Haven't you got the hint she isn't interested?" She laughs shifting her eyes to Lexa who looked like she was begging for the ground to swallow her whole. She was struggling with all her might to keep her mouth closed. Her eyes dropped from green to the dirt on the ground suddenly finding her wellies the most interesting thing in the world. The group had fell in to a uncomfortable confused silence but Clarke's gaze remained on the ground biting on the inner of her lip to prevent her from losing her shit. It was those eyes that were stopping her, how they shifted uncomfortably, how they looked right through Clarke's.  
  
"If you got something to say Clarke, then say it" Roan said firmly looking at the blonde in confusion. She had more than something to say, way more than something. She wanted to snap her head back up and laugh in his face for hitting on someone that already belonged to her, she wanted to push him of that stupid log with a smug grin on her face. She wanted to tell him to back the hell of and leave her girlfriend alone. She wanted to push between Lexa and Roan making it impossible for him to even touch her in the slightest.  
  
"Maybe we have all had to much to drink" Monty tries standing to his feet. "Maybe we should all call it a night?" She was grateful to her friend, more grateful than he could ever know for trying to diffuse the situation that was brewing to blow up. Her lip was becoming numb from the fierce grip she held between her teeth. She still wanted to burst, she still wanted to lose her shit for even having the nerve to even attempt on hitting on Lexa on more than one occasion.  
  
"No. Hold on, If you got something to say Clarke then just say it" He pushed standing to his feet staring down the blonde from a distance. "Do you have a problem with me liking Lexa?" He questions walking towards the blonde but not to intimidate her. At that the blondes head raised from the ground looking to her friend then back to Lexa who was already looking at her, waiting on her next move, she looked nervous, uncomfortable yet curious at the same time. She looked more relaxed now that Roan had moved his focus over to the blonde along with himself. Green eyes stayed connected with blue for a short while, lingering hoping that Lexa could ask her unasked question. At just the few words that had left his mouth confessing he did indeed like Lexa, Clarke already wanted to scream in her friends face and demand him to back the hell of, yet Lexa was right over there. She was watching, waiting on the blonde. It was her fault she was in this situation to start with, of course it was. She had been the one who kept it hidden from all her friends as she simply was not ready, but Roan was pushing and pushing and now, well now she needed them to know, she needed Roan to know.  
  
"Actually I do" Clarke snapped. Standing to her feet to confront the boy quickly diverting her gaze from Lexa to Roan to scared to stay focus on Lexa as she isn't entirely sure what's about to come out her mouth forgetting all her friends sitting around the fire in complete silence watching the scene unfold. "I have a huge fucking problem with it" She admitted her tone sour and bitter as she thinks of Roan flirting with Lexa.   
  
"Why?" he questions confused his tone soft and questioning yet never more confused than he was right now.  
  
"You're making her uncomfortable" She snaps "Are you blind or something?" Roan stares at the blonde for a moment brows furrowed together not sure if the blonde is just joking or not, when he fully realises the anger Clarke's holding on to he turns to face Lexa who quickly becomes even more uncomfortable than before.  
  
"It seems you're the one making her uncomfortable" Roan admits turning back to the blonde. Clarke risked it, she took a glance towards Lexa, and she did infact look uncomfortable her eyes on the ground once more like they had been when Clarke first spoke up, and instantly it caused her to retreat, she didn't want Lexa uncomfortable more than anything she just needed to tame her jealousy. Which felt impossible at this point.  "Look" Roan spoke up after watching the blonde pull back "I don't know what you're game is, or what you're doing or mad at exactly, but this is none of your business" He says firmly. "All I did was answer a question truthfully during a game. It's not like we actually have, and if we did its doesn't concern you" He say's taking a seat beside Lexa once more like it was the end of the argument, only it wasn't. Clarke laughed mockingly once more at the boy, unable to tame anything as he refuelled her with his words he wish he hadn't spoken.  
  
"None of my business?" Clarke laughed with a smug grin on her face, forgetting Lexa's state only a moment ago, forgetting those green eyes that wasn't sure where to look or what to do, she forgot it all, and all she could hear was 'if they did something' "You look like a fucking moron" She snarled grin still in place, although she really didn't feel like smiling in the slightest.  
  
"Someone take her to bed" Roan rolled his eyes with a huff "she has had way to many again" He shook his head still not completely aware of what was going on, but fed up already of the conversation that made no sense to him at all.  
  
"Ok that's enough you two" Fin stood to his feet trying to guide Clarke away gently but Clarke wasn't having any of it.  
  
"No" she snapped moving around Fin easily. "I'm to drunk? Me? You're hitting on a girl who is already in a fucking relationship!" she snapped. This time Fin coming infront of her once more.  
  
"Ok that's enough" Fin snaps "Move" He points, pointing in the opposite direction gesturing for Clarke to start moving her feet. "Now" He snaps finally breaking it up. Clarke looked at him with a huff before taking a step back.  
  
"I'm done anyway" she huffs once more before turning around grabbing her beer from the floor and heading down the path towards the lake. She didn't look back, no matter how much she wanted to see Roan's face, she daren't look at the brunette who was sitting beside him. It was the first time saying out loud that herself and Lexa was in a relationship, even if the rest of her friends didn't exactly know she was the person Lexa was in a relationship with, she was a little nervous at Lexa's reaction. So she kept walking, she kept drinking until she could see the Lake in view.  
  
"Oh snap" Anya smirked brow's raised as she looked to Octavia. "I love Griffin Drama!" she admitted turning to the brunette.  
  
"Didn't think it would be long" Octavia admitted feeling Raven slide beside her.  
  
"What the hell just happened?" Raven questioned while all girls looked to a confused Roan.  
  
"Porky got Jealous" Anya smirked. "About time is all I'm saying" she admits holding her hands up in surrender. "I would have done it along time ago."  
  
"Roan looks embarrassed" Raven acknowledged.  
  
"I would be aswel, making moves here and there to find out she isn't available. Muppet" Anya laughed taking a gulp of her drink.  
  
"You don't like him?" Octavia questioned.  
  
"I don't like anyone who becomes a problem to my family." she admits "Someone should check on porky" as Anya is about to stand a hand grips around her forearm pulling her back down.  
  
"Looks like someone has beaten you to it" Raven nod's towards Lexa who had made a silence escape and began following the path Clarke had disappeared down.  
  
\---  
  
  
She kicked fiercely at the stone's beneath her feet, occasionally picking one up and throwing it in the water. The more she had time to think, the more she did nothing but picture Lexa's nervous self sitting uncomfortably as her and Roan's conversation unfolded. Her intentions were never to embarrass her, they were never to make her feel on the spot or uncomfortable in anyway, that was the last thing she wanted, but the thought of his grime hands touching Lexa one more time or flashing that charming smile at her just triggered something in her. Lexa triggered many things in her that Clarke had never felt before, especially this roaring Jealousy that seemed to stay perfectly buried until the brunette showed up in her life. The soft cold palm of a hand slid between hers scaring her slightly as she snapped her head to the brunette standing beside her.   
  
"I'm sorry" Clarke said almost immediately turning to face the brunette resting both hands on Lexa's hips. She gazed in to Lexa's green eyes trying to figure out the situation in her head, trying to find the right words to explain how she feels finally settling for resting her forehead against Lexa's before closing her eyes breathing a sign of relief when Lexa's hands snaked around Clarke holding her too. "I'm so sorry" Clarke breathed once more. "I didn't mean.. I mean" Clarke huffed In annoyance with herself finally flickering her eyes open.  
  
"I hate the thought of you with anyone else" She whispered cupping the brunettes cheek while pushing Lexa's fallen strands of hair away from her face. "He just wouldn't leave you alone. I'm shouldn't have reacted that way though, I mean, Your just, so beautiful, and so attractive. I can see why he looks, I mean I look, I look all the time. I just hate that he does you know?" she questions in her ramble failing to notice the adoring smile appear on Lexa's lips while the blonde continues to ramble. "I'm jealous" she admits. "I can't stop it. I tried, I try but I hate it. God. I'm such a idiot" she snaps at herself until she raises her gaze once more, "Can I kiss you?" she questions. "I feel like I need to kiss you?" she pleads finally focusing properly on Lexa's smile. "Why are you smiling?" she questions confused but finding it extremely contagious as her smile forms on it's own all of a sudden feeling extremely shy.  
  
"You're a rambler" Lexa says in the softest voice her eyes sparkling like diamonds in the night sky.  
  
"You kind of have that effect on me" Clarke beams raising her hand's around the brunettes neck as she presses their forehead's together once more leaning on her tippy toes, the stress falling of her shoulders as she buries herself in Lexa's playful words.  
  
"I kind of love it" Lexa admits squeezing the blonde gently  
  
"Oh really" She hum's eyes already halfway closed as she leans closer pressing her lip's to Lexa's. "Maybe I should do it more then" she whispered between peppered kisses to Lexa's cold lips feeling the smile form beneath her own. Small kisses turned in to lingering one's, and lingering ones soon became deep ones as Clarke's hold around the brunette's neck tightened pressing their body's flush against one another, nose brushing past each other's as they tilted their head from one side to another trying to taste as much as the other as much as they could. Breath's were inhaled sharply as their hungry lip's continued to catch one another's with their own. When Clarke's tounge circled Lexa's, the brunette released a moan that sent a rush through Clarke, making her stomach drop in away that made her legs weak. When Lexa's began to pull away Clarke's lips followed until she could no longer reach her lips still hungry for Lexa's as she moved back and flickered her eyes open to see green.  
  
"Sorry" Clarke blushes at how eager she is, but she isn't really sorry, not even in the slightest. Her arm's tighten around Lexa's neck biting on her bottom lip as they both just stand and stare at the other. "Did I make you feel uncomfortable?" Clarke questioned after a moment of silence "Earlier with Roan?"  
  
"I..Um" Lexa fumbled around her words "a little bit" She confessed looking to the ground and back. She had never been in a relationship before, she wasn't sure if she should feel uncomfortable or not. Was it wrong to or wrong not too?  
  
"I'm sorry" Clarke said softly her eyes more saddened than before. "That wasn't what I wanted" She admits. "I never want to make you feel uncomfortable"  
  
"It's ok" Lexa brushed it off as she no longer feels that discomfort standing here with Clarke.  
  
"It's not" Clarke says annoyed at herself. "I could see your discomfort, and I tried to stop myself, but it felt like he just dug that extra bit you know?" Clarke questioned. "I Just needed him to know" she tries to explain feeling herself getting no where.  
  
"Needed him to know what?" Lexa questioned stopping Clarkes next ramble as she eyes the brunette carefully infront of her.  
  
"that you're mine" Clarke confesses hesitantly. "That you're my girlfriend" she confesses studding the brunette infront of her. For the past few weeks with everything that had happened with Clarke and Lexa she never felt the need to officially ask Lexa out, she just felt like it had gone down that path already, like they were already one with there cuddles and kisses and confessions of not wanting other people, yet saying the words to Lexa made her sketchy. Maybe Lexa wasn't on the same page after all? She knew that was nonsense the second she thought it but she still feared just saying it aloud to the girl that has literally turned her world around. The silence became panic to Clarke, panic that instantly made her put her defence back up in fear she had infact got everything wrong. "I mean.. urhh. You don't have to be. I mean if you want? I'm not saying that I own you or anything. Urh not that we are" Clarke  quickly rambles dropping her gaze to the floor as she removed her hands from Lexa's neck suddenly feeling stupid. "I'm just going to shut up" Clarke says defeated with a huff.  
  
"You're rambling again" Lexa said after a moment of silence watching as the blonde lifted her defeated gaze once more. Lexa smile grew wider as blue eyes scanned her own working out exactly what she felt. "Is this a new thing you're going to do?" Lexa questioned teasingly  
  
"Unfortunately, yes" Clarke confesses feeling her body become lighter once more as Lexa took that small step closer once more and wrapped her arms back around the blonde. "You make me a fumbling, mumbling mess" She whines her arm's finding Lexa's neck once more.  
  
"Maybe we should head back?" Lexa questions. Both girl's smiles radiating more and more from the other, they were like excited giddy teenager's who looked like they had just won the jackpot as they had a gentle sway between them.  
  
"Maybe we should" Clarke confirmed biting on her lip once more as her eyes flickered down to Lexa's delicate red lips. "Just one more kiss first" she whispers cheekily closing the gap this time not wasting time with building it up as she searched for Lexa's tongue against hers. Clarke's finger's pushing in brown lock's massaging Lexa's scalp as she taste the girl again and again, pushing her tongue harder and deeper against Lexa's till she could feel her underwear become wet. The whimper leaving Lexa's mouth again only causing the ache between her legs to increase while she gripped at anything and everything she could get hold of off Lexa. The kiss came to a end way to quickly for Clarke's liking and without even opening her eyes this time she found her brain working on it's own accord "Just one more kiss. I promise this time" she mumbled instantly placing her lips back on Lexa's after inhaling a sharp breath. Lexa didn't object, but Clarke did feel the smile grow on Lexa's lips as she kissed her more sensual than before, the drop in her stomach making her brow furrow as her tongue pushed forcefully against Lexa's. God she wanted more, so much more with the ache between her legs and the drop in her stomach her whole body was on fire, a aching fire that Lexa had lit personally herself. A fire that only Lexa could put out. When the kiss parted again Clarke couldn't hold back the whine as she tried following Lexa's lips once again, as a reward getting one more pick as Lexa giggled already fiddling with the corner of Clarke's Jeans.  
  
"I hate that you're a good kisser" She pouted taking Lexa's fiddling hand with her own as she guided her back down the path they came from.  
  
"You think I'm a good kisser?" Lexa questioned all innocently.  
  
"Oh you have no idea" Clarke admitted with a smile biting on her lip once more as she looked to their hand's swinging between them.  
  
As they walked back to their friends Clarke couldn't help her jaw ache, she really couldn't. Anyone would think she had been smiling permanently for a year with the heavy throbbing feeling she felt from it. Yet all she had been doing was smiling with or at Lexa, the happy buzz, giddy feeling she felt was just over powering she couldn't even describe how her body just wanted to have a fit of excitement, kick out scream out, stretch out what ever, but what ever it was it was ready to burst, like really ready to burst. She struggled not clamping her hand tighter against Lexa's with the excitement circling her body, yet she wasn't even sure what she felt this way exactly right now. As the two approached the tent all they could hear was laughter, chatter and laugh music playing causing Clarke to raise her brow's at Lexa with a smirk.  
  
"Come on" She grinned pulling the girl quicker towards her friends seeing Anya dancing with Raven and Octavia shouting out to the sky along with the music. While Fin stood to the side a little pointing his finger's to the sky to the beat, his only dance move unfortunately. While Roan Jasper and Costia sat playing a game of cards with a drink in the middle. "I love this song!" Clarke beamed pulling Lexa closer to herself as she turned around to face the brunette.  
  
"Play that song!! The one that makes me go all night long!! The one that makes me think of you! That's all you gotta do!" Clarke shout's pointing one hand to the sky as her eyes closed grinning when she opens them once more pulling Lexa close. "Come on Lex" She grin's placing her hands on her hips "Dance with me" She laughs letting her body find the upbeat song letting her body have some fun as her smile never disappeared at the brunette. "play that song, the one that makes me go all night long, the one that makes me think of you, that's all you got to do!" she shouts out once more when the chorus comes back around earning a giggle from Lexa as she danced silly to the beat, well tried.  
  
"You only no the chorus?" Lexa questions over the song still dancing side to side enjoying mainly watching Clarke's body go crazy to the beat while screaming the chorus.  
  
"Don't judge" Clarke winked "Not everyone can sing like you" she grinned gripping Lexa's hand once more and holding it up as she wrapped the other around her back as if they were dancing to a slow song yet moving more erratic to one side to the other. "Play that song!! The one that makes me go all night long! The one that makes me think of you!! That's all you got to do" Clarke shouts once more with a giggle at the end "Ready for a twirl" She grin's at Lexa's wide eyes before pushing Lexa out from her arm's and pulling her back in "Beautiful" Clarke laughed "Maybe could do with a little more practice" She grins bouncing her body harder to the beat "One more time" she say's looking in to green. "Ready?" She questions this time waiting on Lexa to nod finally relaxing as the song continues to play out, enjoying Clarke's playful dance. "Go" She whispers pushing Lexa out once more before pulling her back more forceful bringing her to Clarke's chest.  
  
"Sexy" Clarke whispered as Lexa's hand landed on Clarke's shoulders breathing the same oxygen, while feeling each other's breaths while Lexa blushed as the compliment. She's not sure she would ever get use to them. The song was coming to a ending with it's final chorus, Jasper muted the song as the chorus was ready to play out.  
  
"Play that song!! the one that makes me go all night long!! The one that makes me think of you!! That's all you got to do!" The whole group shout, including Lexa, before Jasper turned the music back up letting the melody play out.  
  
"I love seeing you have fun" Clarke admitted softly playing with Lexa's fingers as another song began to play out. "You look beautiful" she admitted pulling at Lexa's hand so she was closer.  
  
"Ohh look who's back" Anya grinned placing her arms around both girls shoulder's swaying her hips drunkenly to the beat. "How's my angry porky doing?" she laughs  
  
"Shut up Anya" Clarke rolled her eyes at her cousin but smiled non the less. "I'm fine now. Thanks"  
  
"Good to hear it!" Anya looked over her shoulder to the boys before looking to Lexa and Clarke once more. "Roan's face" Anya laughed once more clearly drunk. "Priceless"  
  
"I should probably apologise" Clarke said twitching her lip to the side, she really didn't want to, I mean she shouldn't have to really, but Roan had no idea of knowing.  
  
"Don't bother. Finn filled him in when you left" Anya brushed off "I love camping" she admitted looking to Lexa "Do you love camping legs?" she questioned drunkenly.  
  
"Wait? Finn?" Clarke asked confused. "How does he know?" she questioned confused looking over her shoulder to the long haired boy.  
  
"Something about you screaming it last night or something at the lake?" Anya stated oblivious and not really bothered. "I don't know what am I woman?" Anya huffed playfully.  
  
"Hi" Costia smiled approaching the three girls "Could I borrow Lexa for a sec?" she questioned Looking to all three girl's before letting her eyes fall on Lexa. Clarke didn't answer she just smiled at the brunette as Lexa disappeared with Costia.   
  
"So" Anya said with a smirk   
  
"What?"  
  
"nothing" Anya continued to smirk with a knowing look.  
  
"Anya!"  
  
"Clarke"  
  
"You're annoying"  
  
"I didn't do anything" She laughs innocently. "Where are you going?" she questions as Clarke walks in to the tent with a smirk still in place.  
  
"I need to do something" Clarke admits "Stand on watch"  
  
"Watch for what?" Anya questioned looking past the entrance then back to Clarke  
  
"What you may see can never be spoken of again understood?" Clarke questioned  
  
"Understood" Anya said confused looking out the exit again as the music continued to play out.  
  
The blonde waited for the song to hit it's peak, blaring threw out the tent enough to cover what ever it was Clarke was about to do. Then it hit, when Anya turned back around Clarke was laying on a sleeping back, almost like having a tantrum on the floor as her legs and arm's kicked out, throwing her body to the side as her arm's punched in the air and she screeched with excitement, stopping when the beat dropped, energy drained out her as she caught her breath all while Anya struggled not to laugh with the most confused expression on her face. As Clarke stood to her feet flattening her hair, letting her pink cheeks die down she cleared her throat and walked towards Anya and the exit.  
  
"What the fucking hell was that?" Anya questioned  
  
"Never speak of it again" Clarke ordered exiting the tent as if nothing happened leaving Anya confused as hell, but laughed to herself anyway as Clarke disappeared.   
  
"The fuck" Anya Shouted after the blonde with a giggle.  
  
\---  
  
"Can I talk to you for a sec?" Clarke questioned looking to Finn.  
  
"Course" He smiled standing to his feet patting himself down "Back in a minute boys" He said whacking Roan's back.  
  
"Clarke" Roan said quickly before they had time to walk of. "If I would have known you were together, I would never have" he tried to explain. "I had no idea" he admitted looking apologetic.  
  
"No, I apologise" Clarke admitted. "I shouldn't have gone of like that, like you said you didn't know I was just" she stuttered.  
  
"Jealous?"  
  
"Yeah" Clarke admitted twitching her lip to the side "That would be the one"  
  
"Shall we just forget this whole thing ever happened?" he questioned.  
  
"Deal" she agreed "As long as you stop hitting on Lexa" she added  
  
"No more hitting on Lexa" he laughed holding his hands in surrender "You got it"  
  
"Good" she smiles hugging the muscular boy before turning back to Finn. "Ready?" she questions before watching him nod.  
  
They both walked away from the tent beside one another Clarke trying to process what to exactly say to her ex who apparently knows about Lexa know.  
  
"So.." Clarke tried standing to a holt turning to face the boy, before "You know?" she questions kicking the stones beneath her feet.  
  
"About you and Lexa?" Finn questions with a soft smile. "I do." He admits "You told me last night"  
  
"Oh god" She groans covering her face with the palms of her hands. "I'm so sorry"  
  
"Don't be" he smiles softly. "Not every day, you hear your ex has turned gay, but hey. I'm cool with it" Finn admitted. "At least it explains it you're in to girls"  
  
"Girl"  
  
"What?"  
  
"You said girls. It's just a girl" Clarke admits looking back to the camp her eyes automatically falling on the brunette with her best friend having a drink, and once again Lexa's nose crinkled as she taste the bitter drink. "What did I say to you?" she questioned turning back. "I mean how did I tell you?"  
  
"It went something along the lines of... 'We are not having sex!!"' he laughed "You gave me the pointed finger and everything as she singled out each and every word" He laughed "It was hilarious"  
  
"I didn't" She cringes  
  
"You did. Then you started talking about Lexa and asked if I thought she was hot? When I said yeah, you hit me" he laughed "Claimed she was yours so back off" He laughed taking a swig of his drink.  
  
"Oh my god!" she cringed even more her cheeks going a bright shade of pink. "I'm so sorry" she laughs. "I need to stop drinking" They both laughed.  
  
"You like her huh?" he questioned watching the blondes eyes fixate on the brunette in the distance once more.  
  
"I do" Clarke admits a small smile creeping across her lips. "I really do"  
  
"She's lucky to have you Clarke" he says turning to the blonde  
  
"Thank you" She beams bringing the bottle to her lips but unable to drink some from the beaming smile coating her face.  
  
"What are you waiting for?" he questioned.  
  
"What?" she questioned.  
  
"Stop staring at her and go get her" he laughed. That's all it took for Clarke to take of, to take of in the direction towards the girl that had done nothing but make her smile, make her heart beat ten times faster than it should, and make her stomach drop in ways that made her feel more alive than she has in her whole seventeen year's of life.  
As she got closer she slowed down her pace, not wanting to look as eager as defiantly was. There she was, her girl sitting on a log talking with Costia with her radiating smile and beautiful green eyes.  
  
"Hey" Clarke whispered sliding on the log beside the brunette eyes already connected.  
  
"Hey" Lexa smiles her full attention now on Clarke.   
  
Clarke raised her palm to Lexa's cheek biting her inner lip as she did so her eyes already drifted down to Lexa's lips. There was no fear, no worry, no doubt in Clarke's mind as she leaned forward and captured Lexa's lips, infront of everyone to see, she was done hiding, she was done not being able to kiss Lexa when she wanted, when she needed. It was a short kiss, a simple kiss but said just as much as all the others if not more. This was a kiss where both girls knew where they stood, a kiss that striped every doubt away leaving just them Kissing infront of everyone before pulling apart with smiles on their lip's, only at this point did both girls hear the cheer's of their friends and wolf whistles causing them both to blush before focusing back on one another once more.  
  
"You know" Clarke whispered taking the drink from Lexa's hand. "You don't need to drink this" she grinned. Taking a sip of Lexa's drink herself.  
  
"Why wouldn't I drink it?" Lexa questioned taking her drink back.  
  
"My girlfriend doesn't like beer?" Clarke teased biting her bottom lip as she eyes the brunette not missing the way the word 'girlfriend' feels of the tip of her tongue.  
  
"Does she not?" Lexa plays along taking a swig of her drink as a challenge, but failing to not crinkle her nose at the bitter taste making Clarke giggle.  
  
"Your nose is a give away" She laugh's tapping the end of Lexa's nose. "It's the cutest thing" she admits watching it crinkle all over again.  
  
\---  
  
One by one they had all made there way to bed, all but Lexa and Clarke. They remained sitting by the camp fire the more people that went to bed the closer they became until the last one had disappeared in to the tent. They were to awake to sleep, their smiles radiating from one to the other as they sit on the ground backs resting on the logs behind them curled in to blanket as the fire crackles in front of them.  
  
"What was your mum like?" Clarke questioned guiding her index finger to Lexa's palm tracing circles.  
  
"She was young" Lexa admitted after a moment, the change of topic making her shift in her spot uncomfortably not expecting the question at all. She was only Six years old when her mum died, the memory of her death more distinguished than the few happy ones she had. "and beautiful" Lexa admitted remembering her mothers green eyes as she tucked her in goodnight.  
  
"Did she look like you?" Clarke questioned more quieter incase the remaining of the camp mates were still awake while still absentmindedly tracing Lexa's palm as she stare in to green eyes.  
  
"No" Lexa said quickly shaking her head with a soft smile covering her lips. "She was beautiful. Carefree" Lexa admitted "and silly"  
  
"Silly?" Clarke questioned mirroring Lexa's smile.  
  
"Extremely." Lexa admitted after a moment silence while her brain wrapped around the memory. "I remember coming home from my granddads, and she had brought me a treat. we didn't have much so it was rare but she brought a pack iced strawberry ring doughnuts" She paused for a moment looking down to Clarke's trailing fingers before catching her gaze to finish the story. "When she turned around to get them, she placed two over her eyes so she could see threw the holes and chased me around the house changing her voice" Lexa held back her laugh at the memory, trying to forget the part where her father barged in and ruined everything with his shouting and screaming.  
  
"She sounds fun" Clarke sooths with a honest smile coating her face.  
  
"She was" was all Lexa could say allowing the silence to linger between them once more while the memory's of her mother flooded her brain.  
  
"What was her name?"  
  
"Hannah"  
  
"Did you know if you spell Hannah backwards it says the same?" Clarke questioned trying to lighten the mood once more, thankfully it worked as Lexa released a small nervous giggle squeezing the blondes hand.  
  
"I did" Lexa laughs "She told me once"  
  
"Yours spells Axel" Clarke finally says after a moment of thinking of it "I suppose Hannah got the better end" Clarke laughed.  
  
"My full names actually Alexandria" Lexa admitted fiddling with the blondes fingers. "But I hate it"  
  
"Alexandria" Clarke hummed testing it on the tip of her tongue "Alexandria. It's different"  
  
"It was my grandma's name. Its a horrible name"  
  
"I like it" Clarke admitted. "Alexandria" Clarke grinned wiggling her eye brows. While pulling Lexa over her lap until her arms rest on the base of Lexa's lower back.   
  
"How about your dad?" Clarke questioned more nervously. She remembered Lexa saying he was to blame for her mothers death, but had no clue to what Lexa truly meant. Instantly the brunette stiffened on top of Clarkes lap her gaze dropping between them as her fingers found the edge of the blanket. "We don't have to speak about it" Clarke said cupping Lexa's cheek "We don't have to speak about anything your not comfortable with" she whispered Leaning her forehead against Lexa's until green eyes finally raise to connect with blue.  
  
"He was a alcoholic" Lexa admitted, her voice echoing with fear and betrayal. So much pain flooded those normally beautiful green eyes as she bowed her head thinking of the man she once called her father. "He was paranoid. Angry" a crease formed between Lexa's brows as she buried in to her memory's "Aggressive" Clarke listened, that's all she could do as she watched the fear and vulnerability burn through Lexa's flesh like everything had happened only moments ago, it was the kind of fear she had when she woke from her nightmares. It was the kind of fearnthat had Clarke already soothing Lexa's cheek as she continued to guide her thumb back and forth across her cheek.   
  
"He killed my mum" her voice barely audible and broken. "He use to shout, and scream all the time, sometimes he would hurt her and send me to my room" Lexa admitted her eyes still wondering for answers she wasn't even sure she had. "Then one day she was gone" Lexa's eyes filled with tears as her vision became blurry. "She was gone" She repeated.   
  
"I'm so sorry" Clarke held Lexa tightly having nothing else to say, what could she say after all? So she held her tight pushing, she held her like she would never let go as she felt the tremble in her bones, muscles and breaths. She kissed the side of her head every few seconds while soothing her back, Lexa's sobs never came but tears did shed with the tremble her body held.  
  
"I was six years old" Lexa continued after a long while of silence. "They took me away, and asked me so many questions, so many." The crease in Lexa's brow  reappeared as she pulled back to face the blonde once more. "They told me my mum had gone to heaven, and daddy had done a bad thing" Lexa admitted. "As I got older, I figured the rest out. He went of in a jealous rage. He was accused of being paranoid and he thought she was having a affair" Lexa spoke furrowing her brows repeatedly as she kept her gaze on the dusty dirty ground the entire time. "He strangled her."  
  
"I'm sorry" Clarke said once more cupping the girls cheek once more. "You didn't deserve that. She didn't deserve that"   
  
"Can we talk about something else?" Lexa questioned her gaze still fixated on the ground, unable to focus any longer on anything other than the haunting memory she held for the day. The day everything changed.  
  
"We don't have to talk at all" Clarke hummed snaking her arms around the brunette in a death grip. She felt the fierce finger tips dig in to her back while Lexa held her just as tight. They could feel every curve, every point every breath against each other while the fire continued to crackle carefree infront of them.   
  
The brunettes thoughts wondered down memory lane back when she was six years old, how everything changed in the matter how hours to how things ended up right here in the blondes arms. Her girlfriends arms. How she even came to get a girlfriend baffled her, how she even came to the point she was camping with friends baffled her also. It was like being young again everything changed so quickly then for the worst, the pain rippled threw her like a raw ache that could never be repaired, like now everything changed so quickly and dramatically. Yet there was no ache of pain, only a ache for desire and respect. A ache she didn't even realised she missed to have a family that cared and supplied her with everything she needed, and Clarke.   
  
Well Clarke was just Clarke.  
  
Where as the blondes mind wondered down a different path, she imagined Lexa all alone being escorted away, she imagined the tears that fell down Lexa's cheek as she was placed in the system with no one to tuck her in with kisses to her forehead anymore, no one to get doughnuts for her and chase her acting silly, no more Christmas presents or Santa letters. The harsh reality of the world that we all lived in hit Lexa earlier than most, where Clarke still waited for the tooth fairy, the Easter bunny and Santa to come, Lexa had her dreams believes and hopes all melted till their was nothing left. She was left alone and Clarke's heart ached as she squeezed Lexa tighter swearing she would never let her go threw it again. Ever. Once thing that Clarke was sure of was her jealousy for Lexa needed to die now. She needed it disappear and never return with the past Lexa feared. How to do this she wasn't sure, but she would try.  
  
"We should sleep" Lexa finally spoke beginning to fiddle with the hair draped down Clarke's back her head not even attempting to move from Clarke's shoulder.  
  
"We should" Clarke whispered kissing Lexa's head once more. They sit like that for a while, still holding one another for a little longer, neither wanting to separate in to separate rooms to their best friends. When they finally stood and headed to the tent, their faces faltered and it wasn't from the conversation they held only moments ago, it was because they wouldn't be holding one another till they fell asleep peacefully.   
  
"Guess this is good night" Lexa mumbled Stopping the entrance of her room.  
  
"Guess it is" Clarke hummed playing with the hand between them as she took a step closer closing the gap. Her lips pressed to Lexa's in a lingering kiss, eyes closed as their hands find a place on one another's bodys Clarke hands more confident than Lexa's.  
  
"Night girlfriend" Clarke smirked parting their lips before pecking them once more.  
  
"Night Porky" Lexa giggled silently both swaying a little in to once another innocently.   
  
"Ill see you soon" Clarke whispered both girls still struggling to take any step away. It took everything in Clarke to pull away, to move back in a reverse manor unable to move her eyes from Lexa, she was just so beautiful.  
  
"Lex" Clarke whispered stopping at the entrance to her own room. "Thank you for sharing that with me" She smiled softly.  
  
They both made it in to their own rooms sinking to the ground in their uncomfortable sleeping bags both thinking of one another. Lexa smiling to herself at Clarke's last words, if only she knew how easy Clarke made it feel to tell her. If only she knew how scared Clarke made her that every wall she had ever built from the moment her mother died, to Titus abusing them, to being bullied every school she went with no one and nothing. Clarke had over come all off it, she didn't know if she feared Clarke more or her past, that caused the crease between her brows to appear once more before falling asleep.  
  
\--  
  
The drive home was longer than the drive there if that was even possible. Maybe it was because Lexa was in Costia's car again or maybe it was the new discoveries she had discovered threw out the weekend. They had arrived at the camp with still confusion between the two of them, and left with confirmation of being officially together. Girlfriends if you go by the word Clarke continues to replay in her head, loving the feel the word holds more every time.  
When Clarke pulls up outside her house after dropping Octavia and Bellamy home first she slouches back in her chair not rushing to exit. It had been along weekend, a weekend where she discovered even more about the girl now in her bedroom they shared in the house infront of them. She had discovered that this was way past a crush, it was way past anything she had ever felt before. Her fingers ran threw her blonde curls resting her elbow on her car window.   
  
"You're falling in love with her aren't you?" Anya questions from her passenger seat. Clarke didn't look to her cousin, she didn't look anywhere other than to the house that she knew Lexa was in. The words scared her, not because it wasn't true, but because how easy and natural it felt. It was to soon, way to soon and Clarke certainly could never confess this to Lexa yet, they had only just confirmed their relationship despite already feeling they were together before. So she would not confirm nor deny the claim. She would ignore it and push it to the back of her head. Clarke may have kept her mouth shut and exited the car in silence ignoring her cousins claim, but her head from screaming another. It screamed how much Lexa made her feel comfortable to the point she didn't feel like she needed to be anyone else but herself, it screamed that no matter how much she loved to sleep, reality was finally better than her dreams and therefore she couldn't wait to wake in the morning to see Green already watching her, it screamed how her heart rate increased when she got closer to the brunette. It screamed she had never felt something so strong, so pure and something so fearful yet didn't truly fear it at all.  
  
___  
  
"So what do you want for Christmas?" Clarke questioned turning pages of a book she obviously wasn't reading.  
  
"Shh" Lexa hushed looking around the library looking at the few people studying some glaring. Clarke smirked following her gaze around the room landing her eyes on one glaring girl causing Clarke to glare mockingly back with a quiet laugh. "Clarke" Lexa whined "I'm trying to study" she whispered finally turning to the blonde sitting beside her.  
  
"I can see that" Clarke acknowledged. "So what do you want for Christmas?" Clarke questioned once more biting her bottom lip as she reached for Lexa's hand. Hiding their relationship had become non existence other than at home as Clarke hadn't quite told Abby and Jake yet.  
  
"I don't do Christmas Clarke" Lexa whispered  
  
"I'm still getting you something" Clarke admitted moving her other hand to curl in the brunettes locks. "It will be our first Christmas together" Lexa smiled nervously. This was a holiday she hadn't celebrated since she was a child, it was a holiday she had began waking up to in the morning to find it a normal day, like every other. Yet the smile lighting up Clarkes face and the constant pestering the blonde had took up on in the last week, had brought a warm feeling to the pit of her stomach, she wasn't the only one who had asked, Abby and Jake also. Where Clarke felt comfortable to wheel of list of things Lexa held back feeling uncomfortable at the question.  Abby and Jake seemed to understand with a nudge to each other but Clarke, Clarke was persistent and she really didn't care. She even teased Lexa with Kisses the night before hovering above her as she traced her finger tip's across Lexa's lips, neck and collar bone whispering for Christmas idea's, refusing to kiss her till she spoke up. Till she confessed something she truly wanted, If Lexa had anything in mind she would have confessed, she would have let it slip so fast past her lip's and the tip of her tongue so she could claim Clarke's teasing lips that only seemed to hover over hers, only enough for their lips to brush one another's instead of actually taste. Clarke knew what she was doing with the smirk on her face, from the raise of Lexa's body but continued anyway despite her own struggle. Their make out sessions had become more heated than before causing the wetness to build between both girls legs yet neither taking it to the next level.  
  
"Can we talk about this later?" Lexa questioned fiddling with Clarke's fingers held between her hand.  
  
"Fine" Clarke agreed pulling on Lexa's hand so that they were closer "You look sexy in those Glasses" Clarke confessed against the brunettes lips. The pink flush of Lexa's cheeks was embarrassingly visible to everyone who could see her, no matter how many times Clarke complimented her, she still got embarrassed shaking her head as she nudged the blonde to shut up. The blonde of course only smiled with a small giggle "What? You do?" she questioned innocently pushing her glasses to the top of Lexa's nose. She wasn't sure why she kept blushing, whether it was the compliment itself, or the fact they were untrue. She didn't believe any of them, and could never understand why Clarke continued to say them repeatedly as if trying to print them in her brain, maybe it was because Lexa was already tainted with her ugly past, or maybe it was because all she had heard until Clarke was negative.  
  
"Are you going home?" Lexa questioned nervously changing the subject as she bit her lip.  
  
"I can wait for you"  
  
"No. It's ok. I can meet you at home"  
  
"If you're sure?" Clarke questioned. "Where is she anyway?" Clarke questioned looking around the library.  
  
"I don't know. I don't know what she looks like" Lexa admitted, already wishing she didn't agree to tutoring to gain extra credit.  
  
"Well call me if you need anything" Clarke says standing to her feet soft smile on her lips as she bends down to capture Lexa's lips. "See you at home. Girlfriend"  
  
"are you ever going to stop calling me that?" Lexa questioned.  
  
"Not as long as you hate it" She grinned pecking Lexa's lips once more. "Behave" she whispers before disappearing out the library.  
  
Lexa waited another twenty minutes for a girl named Luna, fiddling with the hem of her top. She wasn't sure why she agreed to this, she wasn't exactly a peoples person, but the words extra credit was all that seemed to ring in Lexa's ears at the time she signed up, despite her grades being rather good she was still nervous when it came to applying for universities. She wasn't even sure if she would be able to go but she hoped there was a possibility. Extra credit would always help and always look better than nothing at all, but as Lexa nervously tapped her pencil against the book impatiently mixed with nervous, she wished she just went home with Clarke.  
  
"What's up" A girl grinned placing in the seat beside Lexa lifting her legs up on the desk as she chewed on some gum. "You're Lexa I take it?" She started Lexa, her presence made her more nervous as she chewed with confidence and Lexa felt a tad intimidated.  
  
"Um Hi.. I mean yes" Lexa stuttered. "Luna?" Lexa questioned digging her nail in the tip of her pencil as she tired to sit up straight with confidence.  
  
"The one and only" She held her hands out as if presenting herself before placing them back in her lap. "Um so are we going to get to it or what?" Luna questioned looking over towards the book Lexa has placed infront of her.  
  
"Um. Yes. Urh" Lexa scanned the book in panic before closing it again, not entirely sure where to start. "Sorry" she stuttered "I've never done this before"  
  
"Really, you look like a nerd" Luna smirked placing her legs down, Lexa scanned her eyes over herself looking at her ripped jeans combat boots and shirt.  
  
"ok" Lexa stuttered "So what do you struggle with?" Lexa suddenly questioned trying to divert the conversation back to its main source.  
  
"Algerbra" Luna says casually pulling a pen from her ear. "Can I borrow a piece of paper, I forgot to bring my book?"  
  
"Yeah sure" Lexa handed over a piece of paper coming full prepared, maybe she was a nerd.  
  
"So why do they use x, or y?" Luna questioned "Not like we will ever use it" Luna shrugged chewing harder on her gum.  
  
"Um.. well its simple really. Just see it as a empty box, you have to work out the answer using the equation look" Lexa wrote down a equation sinking more comfortably in her chair as she started teaching something she already knew "x-2=4" Lexa read out sliding it over to "This is a easy one to explain. X would be six so when you minus 2 it equals 4 you see?" she questioned looking to the wild haired brunette.  
  
"Ok." Luna acknowledges nodding her head. "Write another one"  
  
"Ok" Lexa takes the paper back before scribbling another equation down "X+5=12" Lexa reads, still keeping it simple.  
  
"So it would be 7" Luna says.  
  
"Exactly" Lexa grins getting a little excited at the small success "Not a little harder one." Lexa takes the paper back and writes another equation once again reading it out before handing it over. "x + 2 1/2 =10" Luna stares at the question a little while, pausing on her gum as she furrows her brows.  
  
"Not a clue" Luna huffs "I hate maths" She whines causing Lexa to twitch her lip, the question was also easy, this was going to be harder than she thought. "aren't you that Lezbo chick?" Luna finally questions eyeing Lexa up and down shamelessly. "Whats it like to kiss a girl?" She grins leaning forward elbows resting on table. 

"Urh" she mumbles flickering her eyes from pen to paper. "So Algebra" lexa tried once more with a extra fidget to her body, all she wanted to do now was go home.

"Ah come on" she pushed "give the straight girl some juicy lezbo gossip" she laughed "Your dating Blondie right?" She questioned ignoring the discomfort Lexa evidently felt. Luna was pushy, extremely forward and certainly not afraid to ask what ever she thought, the complete opposite to

"Clarke" Lexa said her girlfriends name proudly, the only words that seem to leave her mouth with confidence.

"Thats the one" Luna nodded "i may be new but gossip spreads fast here, apparently shes little miss popularity and you're well not" luna dead pans. "Hows that come about?" She questions.

\---

When Lexa closed the front door behind her she breathed a sign of relieve letting her head fall back and hit the door as she closed her eyes. She had never gone threw a hour with a stranger with so much discomfort. Luna had no shame, nor boundaries as her questions kept firing out one after another. As much as Lexa wanted to just snap, or just stand up and walk away she never did, she remained polite, she remained her shy normal self that would never say boo to a ghost, as she answered a few questions in the simplest of answers. She made her way up to their bedroom trying to make the stress of the night vanish before seeing Clarke, but just pushing the bedroom door open was enough, it pushed every stress, every ache and all her previous discomfort away as her eyes land on the blonde swaying her hips to the quiet music playing while reorganising some pictures around her mirror. Immediately feeling the need to wrap her arms around the blonde and feel Clarke's arms wrap Around her while burying deep in the crock of her neck. She wanted and needed to be held, but despite them being official Lexa still feared any lead, Clarke always led with such ease and such comfort, it wasn't that Lexa never wanted to because she did. It was just Clarke always knew what to do, what to say and how to make everything seem like it was floating, but Lexa was just a fumbling nervous wreck with no experience on the right and wrong things to do. The conversation with Luna had left Lexa craving a cuddle, craving to be held how Clarke knew that would make everything seem real again. The words 'populars and nerds don't mix' echoed threw Lexas ears as if Luna was replaying them to her. It struck fear in her all over again, fear she felt a lot when it came to Clarke. She was indeed popular, everyone knew her, everyone spoke to her and since rumours spread about Clarke and Finn splitting a few people had attempted to try it with the blonde, of course knocking each of them back before holding Lexa a little bit tighter and kissing her tenderly. Lost in her fearful thoughts she startled the blonde as she placed one hand on her hip till she spun around in surprise.

"Lex!" Clarke gasped spinning on her heel "you scared me" she softened already studying the brunettes face as her arms come to rest around Lexa's neck.

"Sorry" she muttered, already beginning to hide her face in Clarke's neck before she can get a proper read.

"Hey" Clarke whispered tightening her hold around the brunette feeling the tip of Lexa's nose brush her neck. "Is everything ok?" There was no reply only a nod as Lexa's hands sized Clarke's back before gripping tighter.

"How was tutoring?" Lexa shrugged her shoulders biting her tongue, she knew she wanted to talk to Clarke about it, but she wasn't sure what bothered her the most. Clarke gave her the time she needed to speak to find her correct wording like she usually did, she rubbed her fingers on the back of lexas neck, allowing the brunette to bury herself as far as she liked in her neck.

"I missed you" Clarke admitted continuing to play with the back of Lexa's neck as Lexa nussled her nose even more.

"Clarke" Lexa breaths after a moment pausing for another brief moment of silence keeping her face buried. "Why me?" She questions with vulnerability and so much innocence. "You can have anyone. Why me?" She questions her fingers nervously clutching the blondes back tighter. Clarke's brows instantly furrowed at the question, wanting to know where this has came from. She wanted to pull Lexa away from her neck and look at her properly, but she stopped herself. The blonde had come to realise Lexa would bury her face when she is feeling insecure and vulnerable, hoping it would hide her fears and emotions. Instead Clarke regained herself playing with the baby hairs on Lexas neck, while pushing her face against Lexa's in a nuzzle before pulling back once more.  
"Why not you?" Clarke questioned feeling the soft sway between their bodies. "You're beautiful, and i know you don't see that, but you are" Clarke breaths. "You are the strongest person I've ever met without a doubt, yet you, you carry on, you smile, you laugh" Clarke admits still feeling brown hair between her finger tips and Lexa's flutter of eye lashes against her neck. "You told me you're damaged. I Believe that, as a human not at all, but damaged within yourself defiantly. You think so little of yourself, but you don't see what i see" Clarke whispers. "You don't see the soft adorable smile. You don't see those Green eyes. You don't see how incredibly beautiful and caring you are, you just see you damaged and stuck in the system" Clarke breaths feeling the shift of Lexa's body till she is finally able to look in Green. Clarke pressed their forehead's together not wanting for her to hide again as she cups her cheek. "I want you because, its not about what you have, its about how i feel. I care for you not because you need cared for, but because i want too" Clarke whisper's feelings Lexa's exhale of breath on the tip of her lips. "You know i ask myself that question too, why me?" Clarke questions. "But i won't fight it, I've got use to catching myself smiling at absolutely nothing" Clarke smile's biting the bottom of her lip.  
  
Looking in to Lexa's green eyes was like looking deep in to her soul, a whirlwind of emotion's as Clarke helps her to believe this is all real once again, the wave of relief, the adoration, the sparkle Clarke had come to love, the pink cheeks at the blush down to every last compliment. She was adorable, vulnerable and a little in shock at Clarke's confession, the confession that seeped threw the blonde's lips like it was from memory, like she had practised it repeatedly ready for Lexa's doubt to surface once again. Clarke was always ready, always prepared for Lexa's doubt, Lexa's nightmares, Lexa's panic attacks and more importantly, she always gave her the time she needed to speak while soothing her in comfort. Green and blue eyes continued to gaze at one another, Clarke giving her the time she needs to absorb her confession while holding her close, until Lexa was leaning forward slowly eye's fixed on Clarke's lips until they collided.  
  
From the moment their lips met Lexa's hand moved down to Clarke's hip, while the blonde kept her arms around the Lexa's neck pulling to get closer if possible, but as Lexa deepened the kiss unexpectedly taking the lead Clarke whimpered against Lexa's tounge as her belly dropped she faltered for a moment feeling her body tremble with Lexa's tongue dominating her own. It was just a kiss and Clarke's body was already going crazy dropping her arm's down the length of Lexa's body till she reached her hip aggressively pulling at it till their bodies forced together even tighter. When Lexa moaned at the action Clarkes body regained itself pushing her other hand in brown lock's gripping it tightly to keep her against her lips, never having the desire to part, never wanting Lexa to pull those tender plump lips away. Only when Lexa took a nibble on Clarke's bottom lip her stomach dropped once more as her body became weak from want, from the ache that was Lexa. It was new, it was all new when it came to Lexa and Clarke's body was going crazy because of it, the whimpers leaving her mouth so quickly and willingly. When Lexa released her lip from her teeth Clarke tried flickering her eyes open, but they felt heavy, extremely heavy on the brunette infront of them, so she did what her body screamed. She kissed Lexa harder, she kissed Lexa deeper until they were moving backwards. Lexa took each step willingly pushing her tongue against Clarke's until she could taste every inch. When the bed hit the bottom of her leg their lip's parted as Lexa fell in a sitting position looking up at the panting blonde. Clarke stood still trying to catch her breath with heavy dark eyes, the ache in her stomach and down below feeling over powering, as she Delete repeated word watched Lexa look at her so softly, so nervously with heavy breath's her lip's wet from Clarke's and Clarke wanted to just coat her lip's once more, but she didn't want to cross any line.  Then Lexa surprised her again, her stomach going wild as she laid flat out on her own bed looking up at the blonde with fearful eyes, fearful of rejection. Clarke slowly climbed above Lexa hovering her lip's over Lexa's as her eyes scanned the brunette beneath her. She wanted Clarke just as much, her eyes confirming  just that when they drift to Clarke's lips again.  
  
"You're so beautiful" Clarke whispered pushing little strands of hair from Lexa's face before pushing her lip's to Lexa's. The kiss was softer this time, tender and full of want. Their tongues slipping past each other's lips until they circled one another's again, whimper's escaping threw the small gap's of their lip's until Clarke needed to feel more of Lexa allowing her body to push firmly against the brunettes, feeling every curve, every bump and the vibration of Lexa's quick heart beat against her chest. It was over powering, the sensation that drove her stomach crazy and weak at Lexa's touch, until her eyes were clamped closed so tight she didn't know if she could take it anymore and she found her self Rocking gently against Lexa needing to feel more of her, wanting to rip her clothes of until she was laying their in all her natural beauty.  
  
Clarke was to lost in Lexa to notice the door was still open to the bedroom, she was to lost in Lexa to hear the front door open and close as she pushed Lexa's top up quickly pushing her hand against Lexa's bare stomach moaning at the feeling. She was to caught up in the sound of the quiet music playing in the room and the sound of their kisses and moans to hear her anyone come upstairs. She was to caught up in the way Lexa's body seemed to be reacting beneath hers as she tried to drag more moans from her lips that made her tremble.  
  
"What the hell is going on!" Abby snapped causing both girl's to jump apart. Lexa sitting up quickly pulling her shirt back down her stomach while Clarke jumped to her feet panting with eyes widening as she realises what the hell had just happened.  
  
"Mum" Clarke says unable to think properly.  
  
"Down stairs right now. Both of you" Abby snapped glaring from one girl to the other before disappearing with heavy footsteps.  


 

**What did you think??**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the incredible comments last chapter, and through out the whole story! Hope you enjoy this chapter, you did ask for it ;)


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah..yeah I know I'm lame!

**Lost and Insecure!!**

 

The silence was deafening in the seconds Abby disappeared back down the stairs. Clarke hadn't removed her eyes from the spot her mum was previously standing, to in shock for anything to sink in. The feeling of Lexa was still fresh on her skin, the dampness between her legs still soaking her underwear and her finger tips burning with desire to climb Lexa's chest. Her body was on fire, burning with every touch, every graze every kiss and every whimper, so what just happened?  She wasn't expecting that, wasn't expecting that at all. She was froze to the spot, her eyes, her body, everything, she felt like someone just switched a light on and threw ice cold water over her, changing her body from on fire to shockingly freezing. Now she was filled with fear.  
How could her mum walk in on them? She was out? How could they not hear her coming up the stairs? How did she not notice the door wide open? She never wanted them to find out this way, it why she waited till last to tell them. Her relationship with her parents was good, strong even and they had the kind of friendly banter and teasing between them that just made the whole relationship so easy, yet this was something more delicate, more important to the blonde than she could ever explain. She feared her parents reaction, she really did. Only when she seen slight movement to her side she snapped back to reality, the reality being Lexa sitting on the bed holding the same fear, the same confusion accept she had been watching the blonde, she had watched Clarke's fears ripple threw silently. Clarke could already see Lexa's hands fiddling with her jean pocket more quickly than usual.  
  
"It's going to be ok" Clarke breathed running her hand threw her blonde hair as she made her way closer to Lexa. There could have been a hundred things to say to Lexa right now, to reassure her, to make her feel that their really was nothing to fear, but if there was Clarke couldn't think of any of it right now, as she grew more nervous thinking of her mother downstairs. She knelt down infront of the brunette running her hands along the brunette's thighs in attempt to comfort her before looking in to green eyes. She fear she held made Clarke more anxious causing her to cup Lexa's face in her hand pressing their foreheads together.  
  
"We will be fine" Clarke tried once more. "I Promise" she whispered forgetting her mum pacing, forgetting the talk they were going to have, forgetting everything other than taking that fear from Lexa's eyes, she truly hated it.  
  
"how can you know" Lexa questioned her voice low with eyes drawn down.  
  
"Because you make me happy" Clarke said softly. "They will see that. We will show them" Clarke tried pushing a tiny smile to her lips as she guided her thumb back and forth across Lexa's cheek. "We should go downstairs" Clarke said after a moment of taking the brunette in, for seeing her beauty for what it truly is. Pure. What ever was about to come, what ever words would be exchanged would be worth it, Lexa is worth all of it.  
  
"Yeah" Lexa agreed her eyes shifty and unfocused as they stood, Clarke took her hand in reassurance squeezing it one last time as they headed down stairs.  
  
\--  
  
When Clarke entered the kitchen she should have been fully focused on how her mother was resting both her hands on the kitchen counter facing the wall with her head bowed down slightly as if looking at the kitchen side, but she couldn't focus on that, the second they had entered the kitchen she had felt Lexa's release her fierce grip on her hand quickly crossing her arms across her chest as if to protect herself from anything about to come. She wanted to hold her hand again, to rip it away from the shield she was creating for herself but as she struggled to catch Lexa's gaze in question as her eyes remind on the ground, she could see how truly scared she was, like she was preparing for something as a small mask was pulled down. She was ready to forget her mum was even in the room, she was ready to turn around and take Lexa in her arms whispering anything and everything to make her feel safe again, to make her feel like there is nothing to fear when it comes to her, but that all came to a holt when she heard her mum speak, her voice dry angry and confused.  
  
"What is going on here?" She questioned shaking her head in confusion but still never turning around to face both girls. The silence fell for a moment as Clarke just stared at her mum, she hadn't prepared for this conversation with her parents yet, she wasn't sure what to say or how to say it and before she knew it her arms were crossing over her chest also searching for the right thing to say.  
  
"We were going to tell you" Clarke says softly.  
  
"Tell me what?" Abby's voice more demanding as she turned around staring Clarke down before turning her gaze to Lexa. Clarke stood infront of Lexa on instinct protecting the girl she had fell so heavy for from her mums angry stare, and what ever words were about to come. Clarke could take it, she would take all of it, but Lexa couldn't.  
  
"Mum" Clarke breathed taking a step closer to her mother. "It kind of just happened" She said nervously trying to search her mums eyes, hoping she would search her own back and find what she is begging her mum not to do. Clarke watched the crease form between her mother's eyes as her gaze shifted to Clarke and Lexa standing nervously behind her.  
  
"What just sort of happened?" Abby questioned standing straighter as she pushed of the counter  
  
"Me and Lexa" she admitted. "I didn't want you to find out this way" Clarke explained. "we was going to tell you"  
  
Abby's face wasn't weakening, if anything it was hardening as she began pacing the kitchen, her brow furrowing as she wrapped her head around it.  
  
"And what do you have to say for yourself?" Abby questioned looking around Clarke to Lexa.  
  
"Mum!" Clarke argued  
  
"No" her mum silenced her, her tone angrier than before. "I trusted you in my home" Abby says staring down the brunette "What do you have to say for yourself?"  
  
Lexa stood nervously barely lifting her gaze from the ground to look at Abby while her arms tightened around herself till it hurt. She had no idea what to say, what could she say? She could feel the hard stare burning her down, she could see and hear the betrayal Abby felt at catching the girls kissing after welcoming her so easily in to their home. It hurt her, truly hurt her to have the woman who had shown a interest in her, shown such care and tenderness and treated her as a equal like no other foster home had.  
  
"I'm..sor- sorry" Lexa muttered gripping each of her forearms tighter and tighter feeling each finger tip digging in to her flesh. It was all she could say, but before she could attempt to speak, or try to explain anything Clarke had already spoken.    
  
"No!" Clarke snapped standing infront of Lexa once more as her shield with a much harder stare than before. Her anger had risen, rocketed infact she had tried calm and collective and that clearly hadn't worked. "She has nothing to apologise for! We have nothing to apologise for. We haven't done anything wrong" Clarke snapped, her back straighter as she continued to block her mothers stare going anywhere near Lexa. "I hate that you found out this way, I do. I'm sorry for that, but I cant help what I am!"  
  
"What you are?!"Abby questioned as her voice raised. "You're a child Clarke"  
  
"A child?" Clarke questioned in disbelief. "Me?" She questioned pointing to herself. "Look at yourself!" she snapped looking her mum up and down in disgust. "You caught us kissing, and you're acting like the worlds ending. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but don't you have a niece that is gay?" she questioned thinking of Anya. "What's the different with me!?" she questioned angry and slightly hurt by her mothers reaction.  
  
"Clarke. That is not the same and you know it"  
  
"Yes it is" Clarke stated. "You always raised me with confidence, to go after the things I want, you and dad always told me that nothing matters unless I'm happy didn't you?" Clarke questioned "Didn't you?" she snapped.  
  
"Clarke" Abby tried only stopping as Jake walked threw the door.  
  
"Hi girls" he smiled throwing the Letters on the kitchen side still oblivious to the atmosphere surrounding them. "Next door have invited us around for tea love.." he smiled finally looking up and noticing all three women looking angry, or uncomfortable. "Am I missing something?" he questioned looking to his wife.  
  
"I caught Lexa and Clarke kissing in their bedroom" Abby said hesitantly after a moment.  
  
"What?" he questioned looking to his daughter then to a nervous shifty Lexa, a smile crept on his lips unknowingly. "How did that come about?" he questioned a lot more carefree than Abby not noticing the glare his wife was giving him.  
  
"It just soft of happened" Clarke shrugged. "I like her a lot dad" Clarke admitted her tone softer to her dad than her mum. He nodded his head listening to his daughters words before shifting his gaze to Lexa who was shifting her eye contact to all three of them before the floor once more, it reminded him of the first time he met Lexa and introduced his self, she had grown so much from then that he hadn't really had time to notice until she was infront of him shifty all over again.  
  
"Lexa you will sleep on the couch until I know what to do with this" Abby stated. "No door is to be closed when on your own either" Clarke and Jake looked to Abby where Lexa just nodded never lifting her gaze.  
  
"You're being ridiculous" Clarke snapped.  
  
"I don't want to hear another word!" Abby snapped back raising her voice. "Do as I say!" she snapped storming out of the kitchen.  
  
"Dad!" Clarke pleaded he held his hands up to stop her already knowing what his daughter ask of him.  
  
"Ill speak to her" He says softly "But until then Clarke, please play along" he pleaded, knowing his wife can be difficult. She nodded her head biting on her bottom lip as he disappeared out the room in search for his wife.  
  
"I'm so sorry" Clarke apologised stepping Closer to the brunette. "she is such a idiot" Clarke declared snaking her arms around Lexa needing to feel her close.  
  
If it didn't happen to the blonde herself she wouldn't believe that less than twenty minutes ago, her mind was racing and burning with everything Lexa. How she could feel the struggle of her breathing as her fingers climbed Lexa's stomach needing to feel her skin under her own as she rocked in to her. Twenty minutes ago she would never have thought their would be a show down with her mother in the kitchen after catching them making out. Twenty minutes ago she wouldn't have Lexa stiffening in her arms as she tried to cuddle her. Twenty minutes ago Clarke wouldn't expected Lexa like this at all.  
  
"we should listen to your mum" Lexa's voice remained low as her body stayed stiff till Clarke pulled her arms away looking at Lexa confused.  
  
"What?" Clarke questioned confused. "No. We shouldn't" Clarke pleaded gripping Lexa's hand pleadingly. "My dad will speak to her. Everything will be fine" She squeezed Lexa's hand in reassurance but no squeeze came back. Lexa remained looking withdrawn with a mask still pulled down, but no matter what mask that covered her face, you could always see the fear, the pain, there way to much in her history to make it possible to hide. Clarke just stood there looking, hoping Lexa wouldn't pull back, wouldn't pull away because everything would be ok, everything would just be fine. Her mum would just realise she is being a child, I stupid immature child and Lexa and herself could just carry on right? "Lex" Clarke tried again softer stepping that little bit closer till their eyes meet. "Everything will be fine" Clarke whispered placing a kiss on Lexa's forehead.  
  
\--  
  
Clarke wasn't even sure how she was feeling anymore, her feelings had become such a mess all moulding in to one another that she felt numb, numb with sadness desperation and confusion. For the past two days Clarke was unable to sleep threw a full night with Lexa on the couch, she had shouted at her mum the second Lexa came to collect her pillow and blanket causing another blazing row, it only stopped when Lexa's pleading eyes deemed her to stop. She bit down on her lip that night stopping herself saying anymore as she stood still to the spot watching Lexa leave the room to sleep downstairs. She tossed and she turned and as pathetic as it sounds, she wiped tears from her cheeks that night. The following morning Clarke missed waking up to green eyes and a shy smile, but when Clarke tried to interact with her downstairs she was cut short by Lexa's bluntness and lack of conversation and it hurt Clarke that little bit more that Lexa couldn't keep eye contact. The blonde felt torn her heart beating rapidly as she watched Lexa enter Costia's car and head to school missing the warm buzz in her stomach that Lexa always filled. Yet she marched threw it, she held her head high ignoring her mother, despite small chit chat she tried to have to lighten the atmosphere. When she got to school she thought it would be better, not having the watchful eyes of her mother staring them down, but Lexa remained fidgety when the blonde placed in the spot beside Lexa that was always reserved for her. She threaded her hand with Lexa's squeezing it gently as she had still yet to catch Lexa's gaze, but Lexa just smiled, she smiled so softly, so innocently that Clarke missed it more when it disappeared, it didn't meet her eyes instead it still held fear. She wanted to ask if she was ok, and reassure her once more that things will be fine, but she never did instead she sat trying to engage in conversation with her friends taking in the comfort that Lexa's hand provided. Of course the bell rang and Lexa's hand was removed and Clarke craved for Lexa once more.  
  
Only when they got home that night nothing got better. Abby still kept her eye on the girls threw out movie night. Clarke threw the blanket over herself and Lexa like she always did giving them the privacy to hold one another's hand, only Lexa removed her hand when Clarke reached for it before tucking it between her legs. It caused a drop in Clarke's stomach, a drop that wasn't like its giddy happy normal drop, it was the kind that made her feel weak in seconds, draining all her strength. Clarke could only look at Lexa her eyes dropping with sadness yet still she ached to reach for her hand again. When she turned her gaze once more back to the tv, she caught her mum watching them and Clarke just stared her down, wanting nothing more than to scream in her face. If it wasn't for Lexa she would have, so instead she turned to the tv and watched the film tugging her hands between her legs.  
  
When night came for the second night Clarke hit a new stage, a stage where she watched Lexa lay her pillow down on the couch before pulling her blanket down from the top, she felt withdrawn, she felt lost. She desperately wanted to lay down with the brunette, to cuddle her and kiss her and whisper all those little things that made Lexa's cheeks blush. She wanted to feel Lexa's freezing cold feet playing with her own as she warmed them up, she wanted to be held and gripped by the top like Lexa did every night.  
  
"Clarke" Lexa said softly ready to lay on the couch and sleep.  
  
"No" Clarke pleaded stepping forward quickly in to Lexa's personal space. "I don't want to sleep without you" she admitted taking Lexa's hand in her own before Lexa could pull it away. For the first time in what felt like forever Blue caught with Green and Clarke's heart felt like it pounded back to life. "I cant sleep without you" Clarke whispered placing her other hand on Lexa's hip. "You still need to tell me what you want for Christmas remember?" Clarke questioned pushing a small smile to her lips as she pushed her head forward to rest her forehead on Lexa's. When Lexa's eyes fluttered closed at the gesture Clarke traced her finger's along Lexa's jaw bone feeling the warmth of her skin.   
  
"I told you I didn't want anything" Lexa whispered finally flickering her eyes open as a smile crept her lips. Her warm Lexa had returned, the Lexa that felt comfortable in Clarke's embrace like they were hidden upstairs in their room and Clarke wasn't ready for it to fade back away just yet.    
  
"And I told you I'm getting you something anyway" Clarke smirked her eyes unable to tear themselves away from the green eyes she had craved all day, as she swung her arms around Lexa's neck holding her close. "I hope you're ready for the Christmas Film marathon"  
  
"Film marathon?" Lexa questioned confused.  
  
"Oh yeah" Clarke grinned "Christmas eve. Pyjama day and Christmas film's snuggled on the couch while eating junk" Clarke grinned making Lexa smile two. "I suppose I wouldn't object to some hand holding, cuddling.. maybe even kissing" Clarke teased biting her lower lip as Lexa watches the action.  
  
"Girls" Abby said softly. Watching as Lexa quickly pulled away from the embrace with a nervous bowed head. "I think it's time we all went to bed" Abby said Looking to both girls. Clarke glared at her mum, and if she wasn't so angry, so infuriated she would see the softness that had appeared on her mothers face. Abby had watched the two girls from the hall, she had heard their whispers and exchanges of looks and once again both girls were to lost in one another to notice anyone else.  
  
"Night Lex" Clarke said softly biting her tongue once more when she looked at her mother.  
  
"Night" Lexa mumbled barely looking up with her arms no protecting herself.  
  
"Night girls" Abby smiled apologetically, a smile that went unnoticed by the blonde as she scooted past her mother in the doorway and up the stairs.  
  
"Night Abby" Lexa smile's pulling back her blanket before climbing on the couch. Abby switched the light off as she watched the brunette snuggle down ready for bed. She watched in the dark for a few more seconds in the dark with a apologetic look forming her lips before heading to bed.  
  
Like the night before Clarke tossed and turned unable to keep her eyes closed no matter how much they pulled their way down. Her mind was racing with everything, racing with how much she hated her mum, how her mum had reacted, how her mum had the nerve to act normal like nothing had changed. She couldn't understand how her mother could be so accepting and welcoming to Anya, yet so cold when it came to her own daughter. Her mother had always been so good at reading her, so good at reading how she thinks, how she feels every facial expression and every tone, so she couldn't understand why she wasn't reading her now. Their relationship had always been so close so she couldn't understand why she was acting this way. When sleep was seeming impossible to Clarke and nuzzling into the pillow her and Lexa had come to share wasn't quite enough she did something she knew she shouldn't.  
  
The household may hold a little uncomfortableness now, it may hold awkward silences, unanswered questions and a lot of confusion, but one thing that felt so right was walking in the living room and seeing Lexa sleeping while gripping the corner of the blanket. A smile was brought to Clarke's lips instantly as she knelt on the floor beside her girlfriend. Her blue eyes traced Lexa's features and her steady breathing and her smile only grew as she bit her lip. How was it possible to look at someone and feel like you had a million things to say, a million confessions and explanations to help them understand exactly how they make you feel, yet when it comes to saying them, none of them come close to what your truly trying to express. It's a frustration, having the urge to express something that is inexpressible, but we all keep trying anyway hoping one day they will understand. Despite not wanting to wake Lexa the longer she lay their watching the brunette, the more her emotions were becoming overwhelming. Everything about Lexa made her flutter and smile and just generally turn to mush and want nothing more than to hold her, kiss her and whisper silly things to one another.  
Without thinking Clarke lent forward and pressed her lips to Lexa's unable to resist them any longer, only as she pressed their lips together green eyes shot open jolting up and away from Clarke. The fear and confusion was in Lexa's eyes immediately as her body drew tighter together before fixating her eyes around the room then to the blonde infront of her.  
  
"Hey" Clarke whispered raising from the floor before sliding next to Lexa placing her palm on her cheek. "It's ok. Sorry I didn't mean to scare you" She whispered once more watching green eyes scan her own before her body relaxed just that little bit more.  
  
"Clarke" Lexa croaked her shoulders dropping from the stiffened form they had become.  
  
"Hi" the blonde smiled trailing her finger down Lexa's strong jaw bone in a soothing stroke "You look beautiful when you sleep" Clarke admits her eyes following her gliding finger before flicking to the lips she couldn't resist. "I couldn't help myself" she smiled lost in a daze on the brunettes full lips. She had never seen lips quite like it before, so appealing, captivating even. She didn't realise her finger had even moved to trace the outline of Lexa's bottom lip till she spoke.  
  
"you watched me sleep?" she questioned knocking Clarke from the world that is Lexa's lips.  
  
"I did" she smiled capturing Lexa's beautiful green eyes. "I realised you always wake before me"  
  
"That's because you're lazy" Lexa smiles sleepily.  
  
"True" Clarke laughs looking down at Lexa's hand before entangling them together playing with Lexa's finger's between her own. "Sleep is my drug. My bed is my dealer. My alarm is the police" Clarke smirks placing a tender kiss on the back of Lexa's hand as Lexa laughs.  
  
"You smashed your alarm on one of the first nights I came here" Lexa remembered.  
  
"In my defence the interrogation was excoriating" Clarke smirked which only made Lexa's sleepy smile grow more. When the silence settled amongst them, neither felt the need to fill it with unneeded words instead subconsciously Clarke had moved closer to Lexa settling the blanket over the both of them until they were shoulder to shoulder.  
  
"Clarke" Lexa hesitated shifting her gaze to their hands before to blue eyes once more. "You should go to bed" Lexa said softly before beginning to untangle their hands and allow the moment come to a end.   
  
"Why?" Clarke questioned feeling her hand beginning to grip Lexa's floppy hand tighter.   
  
"Abby" Lexa spoke softly finally pulling her hands away not daring to meet blue eyes once more.  
  
"Don't do that" Clarke pleaded equally as soft, and if the brunette would just look at Clarke she would see the desperation and fear. Since Abby found out Lexa had been cold and distant barely speaking or acknowledging Clarke in anyway like if she dared to look at the blonde she would be committing a sin. "Don't push me away" Clarke pleaded. "She just needs time to accept it" Clarke tried again but failing to get Lexa to lift her gaze from their torn apart hands. She hated how her hand already felt cold, how she could plead for the brunette to not keep her at a distance, and more than anything she resented her mother more with every passing minute Lexa looked at her with fear instead of safety. She hated how moments ago she had the kind of smile on her face that felt like it belonged, the kind of smile that set her body alive despite it being early hours in the morning, but she hated it more how quickly it vanished with her eye lids drawn down while her brain tried to process of what was actually happened, where she stood or even if Lexa even wanted them anymore. Her mind was bubbling with everything, with how much she wanted to tell the brunette just how frustrating it felt to feel all these rushes of emotions and not be able to explain them despite her best efforts, and how much she just wanted to barge in to her parents room shouting and screaming at her mother for causing Lexa to withdraw her hand and her smile, she even wanted to just lay down and cuddle Lexa, she wanted to confess how much she missed her freezing cold feet despite it only being two nights they had spent apart she felt like she needed Lexa to grip her top as she slept for own security now not only Lexa's, she needed her more than ever to hold on to Clarke and not leg go, but her body went limb as Lexa said nothing. She eyes the brunette carefully who had began fiddling with the blanket over her legs.  
  
"Sometimes when things are falling apart, they may actually be falling in to place" Clarke said softly before pulling the blanket from her body until she was standing looking down at Lexa, still Lexa said nothing but her hand did stop fiddling enough to take in Clarke's soothing words, the words that Clarke was only left with to say as she hoped Lexa would just ignore Abby as she headed of upstairs to her bed.   
  
  
When Lexa's head hit the pillow her eyes were more open than ever, refusing sleep, refusing her racing mind to think of anything other than Clarkes last words. She pulled the blanket to her chin fiddling with it between her fingers from beneath staring at the door Clarke had came from. Where her stomach always fluttered much like when it had when she had woken to blue eyes watching her sleeping, now all she felt was guilt. Lexa was never good at judging people, separating their feelings and emotions from one to the other, but she knew Clarke had remained soft and caring towards her threw everything despite her eyes betraying her and showing anything but calm and soft. The guilt felt like it was eating its way threw her bones as she continued to blink in the darkness of the room. She was scared. She saw the way Abby directed her gaze to her, she saw the disappointment, the disgust and like everyone else the way Abby looked down at her, it made her stomach sink instantly along with her eyes as she stood froze starring at the floor. She was scared Abby would sent her back like the rest all had, as if she was a disease now floating around the house. She grew to accept this was the way it will always be, the way her path was set already so every time she had packed with not so much as a frown upon her face. Lexa never had any attachments to care before, only this time she did she had felt her wall crumble before her for the Griffin family, they had came in and made her feel her heart beat back to life for the first time. They cared, they worried and more importantly they always treated her like a equal that Lexa had come to respect and love. Then there was Clarke. The blonde who she craved more from than anybody in her life, the blonde who made her feel like she was more than she could possibly know. Clarke was the person that made her start smiling again, and she was petrified of losing that even more. So when Abby didn't instantly tell her to pack, and she didn't instantly send her on way Lexa would accept anything Abby threw her way, anything to stay here, Close to Clarke and the Griffin family as they were now her family too.  
  
\---

When Clarke got ready the next morning she didn't see Lexa collect her clothes ready for school, she didn't see her passing threw the bathroom and she didn't see her when she came downstairs, despite actually looking in the house for the brunette Clarke had already found she left for school early after her dad had informed her. Instantly that left Clarke cranky, not only had she not woke with Lexa for the last two days but just that little bit of time in the morning she craved and Lexa had even avoided that taking advantage of Clarke being lazy. However the second her mum entered the kitchen Clarke had quickly exited finding it more appealing to be early to school than spending anymore time looking at her mothers face, she ignored her mothers calls from the kitchen slamming the door with a huff. As the days passed Clarke could feel her temper boiling in her blood, she could feel the frustration erupting threw her body and all she needed to do was explode. She wondered how this happened. At what point did Lexa enter her life and fry her normal brain and make it all about her? At what point did Lexa stop Clarke thinking about everything else in world? At what point did Clarke fall in love to the point she couldn't go threw a normal conversation with out feeling the frustration snap it to a stop all because everything was not ok with her and the brunette?  
  
"No need to take it out on the grass" Raven chimed in nodding her head to Clarke hand's pulling at the grass beneath her.  
  
"Not today Raven" Clarke snapped, trying not to notice how Lexa wasn't sitting with them during lunch break. She just felt like she needed to see her.  
  
Only when Clarke did see her it infuriated her more. Clarke was walking down the corridors as students scattered around collecting their books from lockers or heading to their next lesson, only Clarke stopped when she could see Lexa at the end leaning against her locker, a small smile grazing her lips as just seeing the brunette, feeling her scattered emotions and anger all replace in to its correct position. That was until she seen the brunette talking next to her reach out and curl one of Lexa's strands of hairs around her finger with a smirk. If Clarke was thinking normal, if she wasn't so paranoid and scared at the possibility of Lexa not being interested in her anymore she wouldn't have gave that a second thought, but today everything felt heightened, today was not the day to fuck with Clarke. She had no idea what they were talking about or what they could possibly doing right now, but it still infuriated Clarke more and she felt ready to pop. Only she didn't, and she wouldn't not to Lexa. So she bit her tounge and strode past not looking up and not saying a word. She just walked right past until she was sitting in her chair for her next lesson.  
  
Clarke didn't go straight home from school that night, instead she found it best to avoid Abby and went to Octavia's house instead until the party started. The party all her friends had been so excited to go to, the conversation she had blocked out a dozen times as her eyes wondered to Lexa. None of her friends knew of the situation at home, not yet anyway and Clarke wanted it kept that way not wanting anymore stress for Lexa at school with all her friends discussing it. So she partied the night away with her friends, well she tried for the first hour all while hoping Lexa would walk threw the door. She never did and Clarke ended up unable to find her rhythm to any song, she found drink not being her friend and rather than slide down her throat with ease she was swallowing harshly at the taste as she continued to flick a coin between her hands while leaning on the kitchen counter watching everyone else have fun while getting extremely drunk While wondering When life got so hard?  Is this what its like to be in love? Consumed completely by one person? She couldn't even go to the toilet without thinking about her and Lexa's first kiss by the sink before the brunette ran away and Clarke soon followed. Unknowingly Clarke was smiling as she thought of Lexa and her first kiss, the coin flipping over in her hand as she pictured Lexa's lips and beautiful green eyes that had no word created yet to describe them before Clarke could even process what she was doing her phone was already in her hand ready to write a message to Lexa.  
She wasn't sure what to say as she rest her elbows on the kitchen counter gripping her phone infront of her, she wasn't entirely sure if there was anything to say at all, but she felt like there was, like there was a million things Clarke wanted Lexa to know.   
  
**Clarke: Tu me manques x  
  
** There was many things Clarke could have wrote, yet her fingers had typed this out by what felt like their own free will. Yet Clarke smiled, she smiled as she reread the sent message it was something she always found cute, something she always loved and found incredible in the French language. When her phone vibrated in her hand quicker than she expected she smiled again, despite her shit day.  
  
**Lexa : What?**  
  
**Clarke : I Wanted to tell you I missed you, but When you say it In French it says You are missing from me x**  
  
**Clarke: You consume me.**  
  
When Clarke sent the final message, she watched the small read appear beneath her message and smiled knowing Lexa was just as eager to read her messages as she was. It was a risk, her words that is but they were true. She missed everything about Lexa, and in the last three days Clarke had felt like she had lost her which had resulted in her anger and frustrations build yet still her mind could not absorb anything else, the school days were pointless, this party was pointless. She just wanted to snuggle, to kiss and feel Lexa's cold feet and her top gripped as they laid against one another. She didn't wait for a reply, she didn't want to. She pushed her phone in the back pocket of her jeans before heading towards the front door.  
  
"Where are you going?" Bellamy questioned gripping her arm before exiting.  
  
"To Lexa" She said simply turning on her heel and exiting the house.  
  
Her mood was terrible, her day was awful and if she was honest family life wasn't the best all while her mind could do nothing that she wanted or needed it to, so why was she smiling when she started the engine to her car?  
  
\---  
  
When she entered the house she quickly entered the kitchen and living room first in search for the brunette only to find her mother leaning against the kitchen side sipping coffee, her eyes didn't stay on her mother for long as she quickly turned around ready to head upstairs to her bedroom for Lexa until her mother stopped her.  
  
"Would you come in here for a minute please" Abby questioned steeping in to the hallway behind her daughter. Clarke paused in her footsteps she looked to the front door while thinking of her options, she wasn't in the mood to hear her mums crap today especially after all she had done.  
  
"I have nothing to say to you" Clarke said bitterly turning to face her mother.  
  
"Then listen" Abby tried again urging her to enter the kitchen. For a minute or two Clarke still wasn't sure if she should or should finding it just about manageable to look at Abby from her reaction, yet her feet found their self moving until she was leaning against the kitchen counter hand's in leather jacket as she watched her mum shut the door before placing a seat on a stall there was a few moments of silence for a moment while Abby watched her daughter shift uncomfortably.  
  
"You love her" Abby said simply. Shocked by Her mothers words Clarke snapped her head up and furrowed her brows, but there was no good denying it, she knew her mum had always been able to read her, always been able to tell a lie from a truth, so she didn't even try, she didn't want to.  
  
"Yeah" Clarke said her hands fiddling in her pockets.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me?" Abby questioned. "Before I mean?"  
  
Clarke thought for a moment, she wasn't sure why she didn't tell her mum really, she never feared her parents as they always believed do what makes you happy, which made Abby's reaction all the more shocking.  
  
"I guess I wasn't ready" Clarke admitted out of nowhere her body slightly swaying nervously side to side as she bent her leg up to lean against the kitchen cupboard while the other remained straight. "I'm glad I didn't" Clarke snapped "Look how you reacted" She was angry and her eyes were on fire as she looked at her mother thinking about the last few days.  
  
"I'm sorry" Abby said sincerely. "I was in shock at first" she admitted looking to the table top before she continued. "I Shouldn't have said those things, and I shouldn't have acted that way."  
  
"Then why did you?" Clarke pushed "Lexa won't even look at me"  
  
"I was just in shock, and I don't know. I wasn't expecting that, and I blamed Lexa and I shouldn't have" Abby admitted standing to her feet. "but then I saw the way you looked at one another yesterday" Abby confessed with a soft sad smile on her lips. "it was a look I know to well" Abby admitted stepping closer to her daughter.  
  
"What look?" Clarke questioned confused.  
  
"You have you're dads eyes Clarke" Abby smiled "You looked at her the way he looks at me" She admitted. The silence fell amongst them once against as Clarke stares at her mother not expecting her to admit her faults so quickly.  
  
"She makes me smile without me even being aware of it" Clarke confesses in a timid voice, like her confession held a million secrets her Abby could read.  
  
"That's all I want for you" Abby admitted "I'm sorry it took me a few days" Abby wrapped her arms tightly around her daughter who looked smaller by the second as she opened up about the girl that came in like a wrecking ball destroying everything she thought was right until she realised it actually wasn't. Clarke's arms clamped to her mothers back in comfort, in happiness, relief and a million other emotions that just kept stirring today.  
  
"Does this mean Lexa can sleep upstairs again?" Clarke questioned in to her mothers neck.  
  
"Yes" Abby said softly a slight giggle. "Separate beds though" She smiled.  
  
"Good enough for me" Clarke smiled pulling away from her mum feeling a new sense of happiness and relief that she hadn't felt before.  
  
"She's upstairs" Abby grinned "She was singing when I last walked past the room" abby smiled which made Clarke let out a small laugh with a beaming smile.  
  
"She's always singing" Clarke admitted. "Good though right?" she questioned her mother about her new love.  
  
"Incredible" Abby admitted. "Let her know from me" Abby smiled releasing her daughter completely.  
  
"I will" Clarke said heading towards the door. "Mum" Clarke said quickly turning back around.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Thank you. Even if you did take a few days" The blonde smiled before disappearing quickly.  
  
\--  
  
  
Clarke pretty much sprinted up the stairs with a happy bounce to her step, her legs didn't stop moving until she found herself standing outside her bedroom, and like Abby had said Lexa was indeed singing just a little higher than the music. Clarke's face continued to grow with happiness as if the terrible day never happened, she was excited and giddy standing outside her bedroom door, for the simple fact that Lexa was behind it. She found it crazy how love can make you literally mental to bouncing from one heel to the other, but Clarke wanted nothing more than to learn more of the new emotion. So she did just that pushing the door open and stepping in confidently as she pushed the door shut.  
  
"Clarke" Lexa said softly pulling her head phones from her ears as she pushes her reading glasses back up her nose, and of course like everything else Clarke found it cute and before she could contemplate it in her head Clarke was smiling and quickly climbing over the bed to Lexa she didn't miss the way Lexa's brow creased, she didn't miss the way Lexa became nervous instantly but never pushed her away, she didn't miss how Lexa's eyes flickered nervously to Clarke's lips as she relaxed once more on the bed beneath Clarke.  
  
"Clarke.." Lexa stuttered her green eyes confused yet soft at the same time "Your mu-"   
  
"Shut up and kiss me" Clarke interrupted her smile impossible to tame as she latched her lips on Lexa's. It was the first time Clarke had ever been demanding to the timid brunette everything was always patient and careful, but it had been three long days, three long days of having the fear coat Lexa's eyes, three long days of having Lexa one minute hot then cold, and three days of not one proper make out session which Clarke had thoroughly missed. Lexa kissed her back willingly but the crease never left her brows. When Clarke ran her tongue over Lexa's bottom lip, the brunette quickly granted the access and there tongues danced together like they were meant to be, like they had done it their entire lives.

  
  
  
**Comments, Kudos, views?**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know your thoughts!  
> Also ive only updated this as i took so long and having a bit of writters block atm!   
> Next chapter hopfully will be a log longer and fill in a lot of blanks :) 
> 
> Clarke is gettin close to saying the L word! How would you like her to say it? Open to options!  
> Sorry the chapters lame!


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quick review as its been over a week since the update.. 
> 
> Lexa and Clarke were caught by Abby ending with them sleeping separate Lexa on the couch and Clarke in her own bed..  
> after a few days Clarke and Abby had a chat and her mum realised the idiot she was being after witnessing Lexa and Clarke interact.. 
> 
> Clarke rushed up to the bedroom to kiss the brunette...

**Lost And Insecure!  
  
**

There was something about Lexa's lips the way they moved against her own, how they had the ability to make Clarke forget everything going on around her and melt deeper in to the kiss with more desire than she had ever felt before. Her lungs called desperately for oxygen countless times only for it to go unheard as they both settled for singled breaths at every change of angle. Then everything became nothing more than a blur as Lexa's lips clung desperately to hers with her fingers laced threw her hair gripping it in the gentles of ways. The quiet music was replaced by the sound of kissing, whimpering and shifting in the bed as Clarke's whole body came to life at the sounds leaving Lexa's mouth and vibrating in to her own. Her body throbbed with want and need as her body pressed tightly in to Lexa's feeling every curve beneath her and she found herself moaning at the small contact with way to many obstacles between skin to skin. She hated how her body was losing control, how it refused to listen to her anymore as it only pushed harder against Lexa's while running a hand down her side until she found the end of her top before quickly pushing it underneath and resting on her bare hip. She needed her. Her tongue pushed harder against Lexa's as she gripped at her hip, rocking her body in to her once more, she felt the gentle grip in her hair tighten with another breathless moan vibrating in to her mouth, her centre was already wet and sensitive threw her jeans and that's when it quickly ended. Clarke pulled her lips away quickly resting her forehead on Lexa's without once opening her eyes, she knew if she did, if she opened her eyes and looked at the brunette her body would cave completely and she would dive right back in and become lost.  
  
"You have no idea how much I want you" Clarke whispered pressing her forehead a little harder against Lexa's as she brings her hand around her neck with heavy breaths. "I've missed this so much"  
  
"Me to" Lexa confesses causing the blonde to open her eyes with a soft smile filling her lips. The sight beneath her was even more beautiful than she imagined with Lexa's rosy cheeks, moist swollen kissed lips and her hair splayed messily across the pillow, she was a sight. "But your mum" Lexa said sadly looking to the door and back, fear more evident than before, Clarke couldn't blame her especially not after the first time.  
  
"I just spoken with her" Clarke admits soothing her thumb over Lexa's cheek. "She apologised, she was just surprised"  
  
"She's not mad?" Lexa questioned after a moment of silence thinking things threw.  
  
"She's not mad" Clarke confirms with a grin in place, before dropping beside Lexa and pulling at her hip to face her. "Infact your allowed to sleep back in the room" Clarke beams as she pulls her closer that little bit more watching Lexa's own smile grow.  
  
"Really?" Lexa questioned.  
  
"Really, really!" Clarke grins nuzzling her nose against Lexa's. "You're stuck with me" Clarke whispers her eyes flickering down to wet moist lips then back to beautiful green eyes, but before Clarke could close the gap with a quick kiss like she intended, Lexa's lips nervously pressed in to hers in the gentlest of ways before feeling her hand grip on to her shirt. The blonde struggled to keep her smile down as she kissed Lexa back, snuggling in to her body even tighter as Lexa's nervously asked for entrance with her tongue, which only made Clarke smile more.  
  
"have I told you I love your confident side?" Clarke whispers quickly reattaching her lips back to Lexa's who now was smiling in to the kiss and Clarke couldn't help but bite the brunettes Bottom lip with a gentle tug. "Are you trying to kill me?" Clarke husked feeling her body losing itself to Lexa once again as she straddled her once again.  
  
"Shut up and kiss me" Lexa whispered with a smirk.  
  
So Clarke did.  
  
\---  
  
  
There was something about the night that kept Lexa awake to watch Clarke sleep and it wasn't the cute snoring Lexa was unable to stop smiling at. Her nose would crinkle when the snore became to deep causing her to change position until the gentle snoring started again. She knew she shouldn't be staring, shouldn't be tracing her green eyes over Clarke's beautiful features, but she couldn't stop herself. A smile was on her lips as she watched in silence clutching on to the blondes top already feeling her grip loosen at the urge to trace Clarke's pale skin. They had remain wrapped up in one another's arms all-night, like those few days were to long, far to long and now they were just scared to let go. She envied Clarke for being able to express what she felt so easily and wanted to do the same so many times but the words struggled to form in her mouth, and before she knew it there was a lump in her throat stopping her completely. She wanted to tell Clarke how she feels her heart stop when she looks at her the way  she does, she wants to tell her how she scares her more than anyone because she see's security, she see's a home and more importantly she feels every emotion just looking in those blue eyes, she wants to tell her how she's already scared of losing her like she lost everyone else. Giving in to her urge's her fingers tips trace down Clarke's jaw bone only smiling in awe as Clarke lets out a sleepy moan as she turns to snuggle in to Lexa's embrace tighter, her gentle snoring now being breathed in to her neck. She never thought she would find someone to care for her, to hold and kiss her like Clarke does so carefully, so tenderly and it warms her heart every time. A few months ago she daren't unpack as she expected to be leaving this place not long after arriving, only now she was scared to pack, she was scared to say her goodbyes and she hoped that day would never come.  
  
"I think I'm falling in love with you Clarke" Lexa whispered before her throat could close up. She struggled saying it, and she knew Clarke couldn't hear her but it felt so good to say, to get her biggest fear of her chest but it felt so overwhelming at the same time. For the first time, she was glad the blonde slept like she was dead to the world as the room continued to echo with her snoring and Lexa found herself tracing the outline of the Clarke's side until it rest on her hip. Everything about it felt right, everything felt like it was suppose to be this way. She kissed Clarke's forehead careful not to wake her as her girlfriend stirred and turned around to face the wall snuggling in to the quilt. The smile just would not leave her lip's admiring how Clarke's hair splayed out against the pillow, she was smitten, even if she couldn't quite voice it yet.  
When sleep still refused to come, she headed downstairs in hunt of a drink.  
  
"Sorry, I didn't no anyone was awake" Lexa apologised on seeing Abby on her computer at the kitchen table.  
  
"That's ok love" Abby smiled looking over her reading glasses "Can't sleep?" She questioned before watching Lexa shake her head no.  
  
"Where's that daughter of mine?" Abby smiled before flipping threw some pages laid across the table.  
  
"She fell asleep" Lexa admitted feeling slightly awkward as she hadn't spoken to Abby yet.  
  
"She snoring?" Abby questioned causing Lexa to relax and break in to a grin before nodding. "You will have to get use to that, she gets it from her dad, eventually you will need ear plugs" Lexa laughed as she leaned against the kitchen counter, she loved how Abby could always put her at ease, much like her daughter.  
  
"Can I talk to you about something for a minute?" Abby questioned removing her glasses and closing her computer.  
  
"Of course" Lexa said nervously taking a seat opposite Abby.  
  
"I want you to know that no matter what happens in this family you're not going anywhere" Abby says after a moment of silence. "I don't want you to ever fear doing something out of fear I will send you packing ok" Abby says softly looking at the nervous brunette infront of her. "You're apart of this family now, like me, like Jake and like Clarke. I may not always be happy with what you do, and I may express it but that will never change the fact that this is your home for as long as you want it to be" It might have been stupid to everyone else, but Lexa was unable to stop her eyes from filling with tears. For Eleven years Lexa has had no one, she had to care for herself, move place to place and learn to just keep on living without actually living at all. She was overwhelmed with the woman infront of her, offering her everything she could only dream of, everything she had always wanted and imagined what it would have been like if her mother had been alive today, finally she felt like she had a home, someone to care and someone to love.  
  
"Oh sweetheart" Abby smiled moving of her chair as she wrapped her arm around the brunette securely. "I didn't mean to make you cry" Abby smiled knowing that these were not sad tears.  
  
"Thank you" Lexa could only say as the grin only grew on Mrs Griffins face.   
  
"You have nothing to thank me for" Abby smiled placing back in her own seat as Lexa did the same. "Now for the motherly girlfriend talk" Abby teases lightening the mood. "Although after I've said you and Clarke will be treated equally I suppose I will have to have this chat with her to" Abby laughed and so did Lexa it felt weird, but a good weird.  
  
"So you and Clarke" Abby said more seriously. "Just out of curiosity how did that happen?" Abby questioned "Clarke gave little if nothing away"   
  
"I'm not sure" Lexa admitted honestly before looking in to thin air, wondering at what point they fell for one another. "She was just always there" Lexa finally said her cheeks going a little red "I don't know" Lexa said even more embarrassed.  
  
"Like it just jumped out of nowhere?"  
  
"Yeah" Lexa said softly. "Something like that"   
  
\---  
  
  
  
"If you don't tell me I will tickle you" Clarke threatened already climbing over Lexa's body seductively and a mischievous smile.  
  
"You wouldn't" Lexa squirms.  
  
"Oh I would" Clarke smirks "Tell me! What is it you want for Christmas or suffer the consequences.  
  
"I'm on the naughty list" Lexa says proudly with a smirk causing Clarke to laugh before gripping her wrist above her head.  
  
"Smarty pants" Clarke hummed placing a tender kiss on Lexa's lips. "But not accepted... Now list" Clarke smirk's preparing her fingers to tickle under Lexa's arms. "Last warning"  
  
"You" Lexa answers with no hesitation.  
  
"You already have me" Clarke whispers pecking Lexa's lips once more "Smarty pants and cute" Clarke grins "my fingers are getting awfully close" She warns wiggling her fingers for Lexa to see who only raised her eye brows in daring. Clarke loved a challenge and quickly tickled Lexa's arm pits as she pinned her down while her body jolted beneath her with fits of laughter and Clarke couldn't help but kiss her laughter away as she finally let lose of Lexa's wrist and cupped her cheek instead  
  
"Surprise me" Lexa finally whispered biting her lip.  
  
"If that's what you want" Clarke whispered back gliding her thump over Lexa's bottom lip already craving to taste her again.  
  
"It is" Lexa admitted  
  
"I HAVE ARRIVED!!" Anya shouted barging the door open as Clarke and Lexa jump apart with Clarke landing on the floor with a thump. "Porky, we seriously have to stop meeting like this, get of the dam floor" Anya laughed "Lexa are you ever a top?" She questioned teasingly as she placed her bum on the edge of the bed.  
  
"I hate you" Clarke announced before getting to her feet.  
  
"Yeah.. yeah.. I love you two, anyway! Let's go you're sexy cousin is in town"  
  
"Were kind of doing something" Clarke says annoyed before pushing Anya of the bed.  
  
"Yeah dry humping can be finished up later! Lets go!"  
  
"Anya we're not..."  
  
"Sorry is this you getting ready?" Anya questioned confused  
  
"Were not comi..."  
  
"I Can hear something" Anya held up her hand silencing the room looking around the room confused.. "Oh it's just you getting ready" Anya smiled "See you downstairs, hurry up Ravens waiting" Anya shouts already disappearing.  
  
"I hate her sometimes" Clarke declares slouching back on the bed as Lexa laughs   
  
"You said that last time" Lexa laughed getting to her feet before pulling the blonde with her "Maybe we could Christmas shop together" Lexa grins feeling Clarke's hands snake around her waist  
  
"Come on!!!" Anya shouts disturbing the girls again.  
  
"Shut up!!!" Clarke shouts "We seriously need to change the locks to the house" Clarke suggest entangling her fingers with Lexa as they begin to head out.  
  
\----  
  
"So lets split up!" Anya announced after stepping in the entrance.  
  
"What?" Clarke questioned furrowing her brows "why?" she questioned squeezing Lexa's hand gently.  
  
"Because you need to get Lexa something" Anya stated the obvious "and its not Christmas yet so she isn't allowed to see" She grinned pulling at Clarke's arm "Say goodbye to your girlfriend" she orders. "Raven your with Lexa. Meet at 2 for lunch at the big old clock"  
  
"Gotcha!" Raven nodded, turning to the two other girls.  
  
"Sure you want a surprise?" Clarke questioned with a smirk still holding firmly on to Lexa's hand. "last chance?"  
  
"I trust you" Lexa admits her smile already forming.  
  
"I trust you two" Clarke whispers before placing a lingering kiss on Lexa's lips.  
  
"Alright, alright come on before you get your tinsel in a tangle" Anya laughs pulling the blonde away in the opposite direction.  
  
"Look after her Raven" Clarke shouts with a smile before finally turning around to find her girlfriend the perfect gift.  
  
"Come on" Raven laughed turning around in the opposite direction from the Griffins.  
  
Lexa found herself watching everyone around her more than she found herself searching for gifts, she was enchanted with the Christmas spirit, how everyone smiled and talked louder as they rushed around with more bags than they could carry yet somehow managed. She watched as parents handed their kids the wrapping paper rolls only for the children to have sword fights with them causing their parents even more stress as they told them off. She noticed the husbands following their wife's with bored and annoyed expressions as they find yet another something to buy earning themselves another bag on their arm. Lexa couldn't help but smile as she heard yet another man say to their partner 'this is just a waste of money!' Everything about the mall was cheerful and exciting from the sword fights, the eye rolling and Christmas songs played threw out.  
  
"You have never done this before have you?" Raven questioned smiling at the brunette as she shook her head.  
  
"Everyone's really happy" Lexa says after a moment of looking around again.  
  
"yeah.. till they get their credit card bills" Raven smirked. "What are you getting Clarke?" Raven questioned while looking threw a glass cabinet at some bracelets.  
  
"I don't know" Lexa admitted shrugging, is it silly that she thought it wasn't a big deal? The question made her a little nervous having not really thought about it until now, but now finding herself drawing a blank. Clarke had asked her non stop for days but she had never thought about what the blonde wanted in return, she never even asked. "She needs a new alarm clock?" Lexa shrugged. "Do you think she would like that?" Lexa questioned.  
  
"A alarm Clock?" Raven questioned stopping what she was doing as she turned around to face the brunette. "Really? An Alarm clock?"  
  
"hers broke" Lexa fidgeted playing with the end of her sleeves as Raven began laughing until she covered her mouth with her hand stopping herself.  
  
"Sorry.. Yeah.. get her a alarm clock" Raven grinned turning around. "She will love it"  
  
"You think?" Lexa questioned looking around at all the people buying gifts.  
  
"Yeah. Course. Her's broke right?" Raven questioned turning back around with a straight face as Lexa nodded.  
  
"Lets go then" Raven grinned linking arms with Lexa as she swallowed her laugher down.  
  
\--  
  
  
"If you were a potato, you would be a good potato" Anya admits winking at Raven as they approach one another.  
  
"Really? That's the pick up line you use?" Clarke questioned quickly before Raven or Lexa could hear.  
  
"What I'm hungry?" Anya shrugs turning back to the two girls just able to Catch Ravens eye roll.  
  
"Lost your game Griffin?" Raven questions smugly with her arms crossed.  
  
"Hardly, hungry is all" Anya grins stepping forward "You totally think I'm hot, admit it"  
  
"Please" Raven laughed. "The only thing you can make turn on is a microwave"  
  
"is that a challenge?"  
  
"More like a fact" Raven smirks not backing down.  
  
"Challenge accepted" Anya grins both eyeing one another before turning to face the two other girls. "There so gross" Anya cringes at the two girls to lost in one another to care, or even hear anything Raven or Anya have just said, much like themselves.  
  
"Hi" Clarke smiles instantly reaching out both her arms and sliding her fingers between Lexa's.  
  
"Hi" Lexa says more shyly, no matter how many times Clarke approaches her in this kind of way, she doesn't think she will ever get use to it.  
  
"Find anything?" Clarke questions before leaning up on her toes to peck Lexa's lips.  
  
"I think so" Lexa shrugs nervously "Did you?" Lexa questioned.  
  
"I did" Clarke smiles softly, in the ways her eyes sparkle and her body warms. "I kind of want to give it to you already" Clarke admits "but I cant pick it up till tomorrow so I suppose that's a good thing"  
  
"What is it?" Lexa questioned confused.  
  
"It's a surprise" Clarke teased. "Remember."  
  
"Alright love birds! Let's move" Anya interrupted rolling her eyes teasingly as they all walk together.  
  
"You are going to absolutely love the present that Lexa got you!" Raven announced with a grin on her face. "She picked it all on your own didn't you Lex?" Raven questioned stifling her giggle.  
  
"Urh yeah.. I.. yeah" Lexa said nervously her cheeks turning pink as the blonde remains focused on her.  
  
"I'm sure ill love it" Clarke tried to reassure squeezing Lexa's hand in her own.  
  
"Look!!" Anya snaps stopping everyone in their tracks as she points to a small group of people in the corner of the shopping mall. "Oh I love this!" Anya announced as she moved forward with the three in tow until they were standing watching a man and woman talking threw a mic.  
  
"What is it?" Lexa questioned looking to the girl who never let go of her hand.  
  
"they come every year, they just entertain really and sing, a lot of people move closer on to the big space and dance to the songs, some people join in with the songs as they happily share the mic, and some people just watch" Clarke informs. "Look" So she did as the man sang along to Maroon 5 sugar. He was entertaining, and extremely funny as he danced around with confidence, the crowd would cheer and laugh until some finally moved forward joining in sometimes singing the odd few words in to the mic as placed it infront of their lips with no choice!  
  
"Come on don't be shy!" He announced "Lets turn it up a bit shall we" he grinned pulling his sunglasses down from his head to his eyes. "Hit it!" As the beat hit Lexa recognised the song straight away as Shakira, hips don't lie started playing the volume increasing so you could no longer hear one another talk normally beside you.  
  
"I cant turn anything on ay?" Anya smirked turning to Raven, before gripping Clarke's arm and pulling her away from Lexa with a laugh and apologetic look.  
  
"What are we doing?" Clarke whined as she was pulled on to the free dance space.  
  
"Dancing!" Anya announced "We dance best together" She grins "Now help a girl out"  
  
"The things you make me do" Clarke rolls her eyes finally coming to a holt as other people soon join, having unable to resist moving your hips to this song.  
  
"Is that all you got ladies!!" The man's voice echoed threw the mic "Come on now, I think we can do better than that" He laughed getting ready for the chorus to start up again. With Anya giving Clarke the look as if telling her to bring it on, she did. Clarke popped her hip from one side to the other holding her hands above her head giving Anya the challenge she desperately wanted ready to prove she was infact the better dancer of the Griffins. Then Anya brought it right back as she mirrored Clarke's actions along side her with a smug grin.  
  
"Come on Porky!" Anya laughed "Got to try harder than that"  
  
"I Didn't want to show you up while you were trying to get in Ravens pants!" Clarke shouted smirking "But I suppose I can make you look like a fool" Clarke heightened her game, moving her hips like she was born to, like she had been a belly dancer for years controlling every muscle in her body as her body moved much like Shakira. She smirked smugly as she watched her cousin try doing the same with not quite as good rhythm, nor passion.  
  
_"Ohh ladies!!" Was heard threw the mic again as the big man rounded the two girls trying to copy their movements earning laughter from the crowd "No? ill leave it to these two then" He laughed clapping his hands as the crowd fell in to the same beat all eyes on Anya and Clarke.  
  
_ "Keep up An" Clarke mocked moving her hips more aggressively getting lost in the atmosphere.  
  
Lexa on the other hand watched proudly from the crowd clapping along with Raven. She knew her girlfriend could dance of course she did, Clarke was the one to make her dance, to move her hips for the first time and guide her with patience, but Clarke had been holding back a lot. Her hips were born to move and Lexa couldn't take her eyes of her, she couldn't stop the proud smile appear on her lips as if she had been doing it her whole life, she felt her belly drop in the warmest of ways like it always did as Clarke smiled completely unphazed by the amount of people focused on what she was doing right now, she boomed with confidence and Lexa wished she could do that.  
"woahhh" The crowd cheered as the song came to a swift end and changed instantly to a different one.  
  
" _Thank you ladies!" The man cheered "Now for a oldie!" he grinned._  
  
Lexa expected Clarke to head of the dance area immediately, mainly because that's what she would do, make the escape as quickly as possible, but Clarke was different. She stayed and got excited as the next song started playing and Lexa knew Clarke knew it immediately by the smile that radiated from her lips. Of course she knew it, all the girls did judging by how everyone started singing along to Justin Bieber, baby. The was when Clarke finally looked over to Lexa with a wink, singing along to the music even if Lexa couldn't hear her she could still see her moving her lips. Without needing to even step on to the free space Lexa's cheeks blushed pink as she fiddled with the end of her sleeves. She couldn't even explain why she was becoming nervous, or why her cheeks were pink but she was sure it was the way Clarke always found her and looked at her the way she did.  
  
"Is my girlfriend going to dance with me?" Clarke questioned as she approached the brunette snaking her arms around her neck ignoring everyone around.  
  
"No" Lexa shook her head instantly looking between them as her cheeks became more pink. "I cant." she admitted shyly not having the confidence Clarke does.  
  
"Hey, its ok You don't have too" Clarke said softly noticing the fear appear in Lexa's eyes and the shy timid Lexa was back.  
  
"He will dance with you!" Clarke heard from her side where a group of lads stood as one of them pushed his friends forward making him stumble a little bit.  
  
"Shut up" The boy snapped turning to Clarke with red cheeks making his friends laugh but Clarke just ignored them turning back to her girlfriend who had her eyes glued down.  
  
"Where's that smile gone?" Clarke questioned with a playful warning look causing the brunette to slowly look up pushing a smile back to her lips.  
  
"Do you trust me?" Clarke questioned.  
  
"Yes" Lexa said after a moment.  
  
"Close your eyes"   
  
The furrow in Lexa's brows must have gave her away as Clarke laughed, but after a moment of hesitation she Closed her eyes and waited on what Clarke wanted her to do. Her arms dropped from Lexa's entangling her fingers with Lexa's.   
  
"Keep them closed until I say ok" Clarke ordered before pecking Lexa's lips. "God I love those lips" Clarke whispered playing with Lexa's fingers as Lexa's smile grew bigger till you could see her pearly whites. "Do you remember what I said to you the first time we met?" Clarke questioned her fingers still fiddling with Lexa's allowing her breath to be felt on Lexa's face assuring Lexa she was close.  
  
"Stay on your side of the room?" Lexa laughed with her eyes still closed.  
  
"I did didn't I?" Clarke laughed "How are you mine?" Clarke questioned taking her hands away from Lexa's and placing them around her waist as she held her close. "Do you remember what else I said?" Lexa thought for a moment, but not because she couldn't remember but because she realised how quickly Clarke complimented her.  
  
"Your eyes are incredible" Lexa finally says Causing Clarke to smile.  
  
"They really are" Clarke confesses "Open your eyes so I can see them" Clarke says softly gripping Lexa's waist tighter as green eyes flicker open connecting with blue staring back.  
"I guess I was right" Clarke grins placing a tender kiss on Lexa's lips as Clarke begins to sway them side to side.  
  
"Look's like your dancing after all" Clarke whispers with a proud smile as Lexa furrows her brows looking around finding herself on the edge of the dance area swaying with Clarke to the music amongst other people.  
  
"how did you do that?" Lexa questioned leaning in to Clarke's embrace a little more as she holds her girlfriend back feeling surprisingly content.  
  
"You just needed a distraction" Clarke admits "Besides, there is no one I would rather dance with"   
  
They danced and they swayed, smiled and laughed song after song until Lexa finally forgot about the people around her and more on the one that held her tightly with that look in her eyes she would fall asleep thinking about, and the smile that seemed to be contagious, it was then that Lexa decided maybe she could love Christmas after all.  
  
\---  
  
"What you doing?" Anya questioned walking in to bedroom.   
  
"Nothing" Lexa said quickly closing her book and pushing it under her pillow.  
  
"Nothing looks a whole lot like writing" Anya smirked placing her bum on the end of the bed. "What is it?"  
  
"Uh.. nothing, just..my diary"  
  
"You have a diary?" Anya questioned shocked she didn't no anyone who now kept a diary. "You actually write in it?"  
  
"Yeah" Lexa said beginning to shift in her bed while twitching her lip to the side and pulling her sleeves over her hands.  
  
"What do you write about? Do you write in it everyday?"  
  
"No.. just.. when I feel I have something to say"  
  
"Oh right.." Anya nodded in understanding "Where's Clarke"  
  
"Shower"  
  
"Good, so what did you get? For a Christmas present?" Anya said excitedly biting her lip as she tried to cover her childish grin.  
  
"Um.. nothing big, just.. A Alarm clock" Lexa said nervously. "Raven thought it was a good idea"   
  
"Sorry... a what now?" Anya questioned dropping her lip as she looked at Lexa confused. "Did you just say you got your girlfriend a Alarm clock for Christmas?"  
  
"I guess" Lexa shifts.  
  
"Sorry.. hold on. What for?" Anya questioned still waiting for the punch line.  
  
"I didn't no what to get" Lexa "I never brought presents before, and I forgot to ask her" Lexa mumbled nervously. "She broke hers"  
  
"Right" Anya said not sure what else to say. "Lex.. Raven was messing with you" Anya said softly "You will come to see friends can be arses, and never to listen to them" Anya said looking to the door and back to Lexa. "Clarke's loves personal presents, like something you have thought about with a meaning" Anya admits "We will find something"  
  
"Not you again" Clarke moans as she walks in to her bedroom in a towel  
  
"funny I was just saying the same thing" Anya bite's with a sarcastic laugh before leaving the bedroom closing the door behind her.  
  
  
\----  
  
Normally people would struggle sleeping when their arguing with their partner having their mind consumed by their problems or disagreements and how to fix things and make them right, but not Lexa. Everything with Clarke seemed to be blossoming more beautifully than the day before, the way Clarke couldn't go to sleep until Lexa gripped her top tightly before, the way Clarke would wake with green eyes already watching her to have her smile radiate from wall to wall. Everything about Clarke made her feel like her feelings were under a microscope and everything was being analysed, the more days that passed the harder it got and Lexa found herself wanting to scream out to Clarke how much she makes her belly flutter, how much her jaw aches everyday from smiling, or how much no matter what songs she plays they all make her think of her, even the sad once. She was becoming overwhelmed by the blonde with each passing day even as Clarke made them go bed early tonight with a kind of child's excitement for Christmas morning. She knew the blonde was excited to give Lexa her gift she had been non stop talking about it for two days, but Lexa had struggled finding anything for Clarke, so she only had the alarm clock to give, which now she regret deeply because she deserved the world.  
  
"Clarke" Lexa whispered "Are you awake?"  
  
"Umm.." Clarke whined nuzzling in to Lexa's neck deeper. "Just" she whispered placing a small kiss on Lexa's neck.  
  
She battled with her thoughts for a moment as the room fell silence, she needed to say something, anything just to get this heaviness of her chest, but when it come to speaking, confessing her deepest emotions, her throat would just close of leaving her silent. So instead of confessing her feeling, she said what her mouth would allow her without feeling scared.  
  
"I wish I could express how I feel" Lexa whispered enjoying the feeling of Clarke's gentle breathing against her neck. "You do it so easily" Lexa mumbled looking in to their darkened bedroom as she felt the blonde shift beside her until she felt a hand on her cheek turning her face to face the blonde, with noses nearly touching.  
  
"is that why you can't sleep?" Clarke whispered before seeing Lexa nod slightly brushing her nose against Clarke's.  
  
"I just cant say it" Lexa said sadly nudging Clarke's nose again with her tummy fluttering like crazy.   
  
"You will" Clarke whispered reassuringly "When you're ready" feeling Lexa's nose against her own nuzzling her own again as if she is searching for something, something she is unable to speak, or to scared to ask for, but as Clarke leans forward to capture her lips in hope to relax the girl, she finds herself in a deeper kiss than she planned with Lexa's lips surprisingly guiding it and it made Clarke weak all over, if she was standing she would have undoubtable fell to the ground by the feeling of every single nerve coming to life in her body as Lexa's tongue pushed against her own desperately. As the kiss barely just started it was quickly over as Lexa pulled away with pink cheeks and wide eyes shocked at her own actions.  
"Sorry" she quickly said ready to ramble again but before she could Clarke's lips were attaching hers with the same eagerness Lexa had seconds ago. Lexa's moan vibrated against Clarke's lip as she climbed above the brunette already forcing her tongue against Lexa's with a throaty whine of pleasure. Their make out sessions had become more heated as the days passed and Clarke was struggling to contain herself, as she struggled to pull away with soaking wet underwear her body begging and pleading for more, while her head told her to stop and wait for when Lexa would be ready. When long slender finger's curl in her blonde locks gripping it tightly while Lexa bites gently on her bottom lip, the loud moan pushed up her throat and out her mouth embarrassingly loud as she flickered her eyes open to the brunette beneath her. Many times she had been in this situation, above Lexa with her body begging for one thing and her head telling her the other, but Clarke would always be the lead then, she would always be the one doing the things Lexa is doing, yet having the brunette doing it to her with the same eagerness set her skin on fire. She was sure if she looked at herself her pupils would be blown wide with how much she wants Lexa, with how much she Loves seeing this confident Lexa which was rare.  
  
"Can I see you?" Clarke whispered with heavy breaths. "I need to see you" Clarke husked resting her forehead on Lexa's. When she realised what she said, she regretted it quickly ready to take it back, and only go at Lexa's pace when she wanted it, but all that stopped when she felt the gentle nod of Lexa's head against hers.  
  
"Can I see you two?" Lexa questioned her voice back to shy and nervous, but Clarke only found herself nodding with a smile before she climbed of Lexa resting her knee's on the bed as Lexa copied her actions, she could see the nerves building in Lexa's eyes as the seconds ticked, she could see the confidence vanish as quick as it appeared, so Clarke brought their lips together once more as she reached down at her own top slowly pulling it over her head leaning back so Lexa could look at her as both girls remain on their knees. She watched green eyes trail the length of her pale chest with only a bra now covering her breast, she watched Lexa swallow hard as she struggled to bring her eyes back up to meet blue.  
  
"Can I take this of?" Clarke questioned resting her hands on the bottom of Lexa's vest. She wanted to give Lexa every opportunity possible to stop her, to tell her she wasn't ready just incase she wasn't.  
  
"yes" Lexa croaked like her mouth had gone dry and Clarke smiled as she pulled the vest over her head while Lexa raised her arms. It was Clarkes mouth that had now gone dry as she trailed her eye from Lexa's jaw done down her neck across her collar bone down to her breast that were also still covered, her skin darker than her own pale skin, with her chest breathing more rapidly than Clarke's only when their eyes connected once more Clarke could see the fear Lexa held as her arms fidgeted nervously stopping themselves from wrapping around her body to cover up.  
  
"You're beautiful" Clarke admitted honestly hoping her confession would ease the girl she had fell in love with. She wanted to reach out to touch, to feel every inch and never come back up for air as long as Lexa remained this way, but they was not done, they both had their bottoms to go And if Clarke touches her now she won't be able to stop.  
  
"So are you" Lexa pushes out, and Clarke can see it was a struggle but the way Lexa's eyes continue to trail unable to keep her eyes connected for very long, she knew it was true. She hooked her finger underneath both sides of her shorts and never took her eyes of Lexa as she did so. This would be the most they have seen of one another, and Lexa's eyes shot down to Clarke's hands immediately swallowing hard again as Clarke pulled them down to her knees before moving around to get them completely of her legs Leaving her kneeling in her black bra and black underwear giving her skin a more paler effect. She didn't say anything, she just watched and waited for Lexa's eyes to divert back up letting her know she was ready, but they just kept trailing along every inch of skin Lexa could see more than once, only when Lexa returned her eyes to Clarke her pupils were darker and Clarke's breathing quickly increased as her underwear got that little bit more wet.  
  
"Clarke" Lexa said shakily. As her eyes trailed the length of Clarke body again shamefully as her cheeks went a shade of pink. "Can I touch you?" she questioned dropping her gaze to Clarke's body once again as she swallowed yet another lump in her throat.  
  
Her chest pounded as she found herself nodding more eagerly than she would like to admit, not only did she not expect them words to leave her mouth, but she didn't expect the oxygen to gush out from her lungs at the question, not really truly knowing how much she wanted, needed it till Lexa asked.  
  
"Please" Clarke whispered. She felt Lexa move closer before feeling the tip's of her finger tips touch her first until she felt her full gentle hand trace her collar bone and down the curve of her chest. She wanted to moan aloud, she wanted to close her eyes and lean further in to it but she couldn't seem to close her eyes as she watched Lexa touch her for the first time like this. As she traced her fingers down the length of her body till it got to the hem of her underwear.  
  
"Kiss me" Clarke ordered out of no where. Her voice heavier and husky than ever before as her lips collided with Lexa's not giving the brunette much of a choice as she became desperate to feel her, the moment their chest pressed together Clarke moaned in to Lexa's mouth pausing the kiss momentarily at the burning sensation that prickled threw her entire body before roughly pushing her tongue against Lexa's once more and pushing her back until her head was back on the pillow. Her body and mind was going crazy and all that was now driving her was Lexa, Lexa's body, Lexa's skin, Lexa's kisses. She pushed her body further in to the brunette's feeling the curve of her breast against her own. She had to find and grip at Lexa's hand to keep her grounded, from keeping her hands wondering over Lexa's body carelessly. When she pulled from the kiss she was happy to feel Lexa object from it following her lips with her own till she could no longer lift her head any higher.  
  
"Can I take these of?" Clarke questioned resting a hand on Lexa's shorts.  
  
"Yes" She breathed keeping green eyes locked with blue.  
  
She sat up straight hooking her finger's under the waist line before slowly pulling them down with the help of Lexa's raising her hips. When she tossed them to the floor she froze, unable to bring herself to rest above Lexa against just yet. She trailed her eyes down the long length of Lexa's brown legs, until they landed on the blue underwear she was wearing. Clarke's breath hitched when she could see how wet Lexa was soaking threw her underwear. She bit her lip unconsciously and despite always being nervous when ever she thought of being with Lexa like this, they had vanished as everything about his felt right. Her eyes continued their journey across Lexa's panting chest until they were fixed on her darkened eyes.  
  
"You're sexy" Clarke admitted lowering her body over the brunettes. Her eyes closed at the warm contact feeling the goose bumps appear and before she could even open her eyes or say another word she felt gentle lips on her own this time asking for permission with her tongue as Lexa's fingers buried themselves in her blonde hair scratching at the scalp while their tongues moved together in sync like they were made for each other.  
  
"Can I kiss you?" Clarke questioned parting the kiss as Clarke placed the tip of her finger on Lexa's stomach "Here?" she questioned. A moment passed as Lexa's fingers stayed buried in blonde locks while looking in to blue eyes before she nodded confidently. She kissed Lexa's lips once more before lowering her body to Lexa's stomach looking up as she placed a lingering kiss just above Lexa's belly button, she watched Lexa's eyes flutter close as she placed another kiss a little higher and Lexa was almost pushing her body impatiently for Clarke's next kiss. Only when she kissed the top of Lexa's rib under her bra line Lexa let out a moan that encouraged Clarke even more as she kissed it again before sucking on the soft skin. Lexa gripped the pillow beneath her head as she moaned out, feeling her body lose control and ache for more, she could feel her body change like it never had before, moving on its own accord as it was desperate to feel a sensation like that again, and with every kiss Clarke left her body wanted more until she found it near impossible to open her eyes, especially as Clarke's hand nervously trailed Lexa's body gently caressing Lexa's breast over her bra until she wished their was no bra their at all.  
  
"Can I kiss you here?" Clarke questioned trailing her finger on Lexa's leg.  
  
"Yes" Lexa whimpered, her body desperate to feel Clarke's lips on her body again, it was like she was someone else completely. Normally quite and shy and reserved and self conscious her body now was just on fire with how Clarke touched her she was pretty sure she would beg for more if Clarke stopped. Only when Clarke placed her lips on Lexa's inner thigh did Lexa's train of thoughts come to a stop as her centre began to throb as she moaned out at the sensation of her kiss. She felt Clarke pause for a second as she traced something on her inner thigh. It made Lexa stop and think for a moment at what it was until she remembered, but Clarke didn't ask the question she expected to come, instead she placed soft gentle kisses along the scar before bringing her lips back to Lexa's in a sensual kiss that earned that many moans, they wasn't sure who's mouth they were leaving anymore.  
  
"We can stop" Clarke whispered as she trailed Lexa's neck with wet kisses and gentle sucks, She didn't want to stop she wasn't even sure if she could but she needed Lexa to be sure.  
  
"I want you" Lexa admitted after a moment, a moment where Clarke paused her movement and hovered above the brunette to look in to green eyes to make sure she wasn't hearing things.  
  
"Really?" Clarke questioned Making Lexa smile "I mean, are you sure?" She whispered.  
  
"yes" Lexa said softly  
  
"Can I take this of?" Clarke questioned playing with Lexa's bra strap until she nodded nervously.  
  
"I'm nervous" The brunette admits returning to her shyness once again, and Clarke secretly hopes she will never lose it.  
  
"Me too" Clarke smiles.  
  
When Clarke sat up, Lexa followed unhooking her bra from behind as Clarke did the same, Clarke pulled hers of confidently having being naked infront of someone, but Lex hesitated nervously biting on her bottom lip as she dropped her gaze slowly pulling it from her skin and to the ground, Clarke's eyes felt paralysed to Lexa's bare chest without thinking of asking she moved closer pushing the brunette back down allowing their chest to collide for the first time in all it's glory.  
  
"I've never wanted someone how I want you" Clarke whispered trailing kisses down Lexa's neck. "God I want you" She continued before biting on Lexa's collar bone drawing out a gasp. As her kisses continued down her Lexa's body till she got to her bare chest. She had never been with a woman before, never caressed anyone like she had Lexa, never touched another naked woman's body, and never took a nipple in her mouth until right now. She did it gently at first while she caressed Lexa's other keeping her eyes open as she watched Lexa whimper for more, yet to quiet to beg or ask.  
  
"Are you sure?" Clarke questioned one last time as she kissed Lexa's chest placing her finger tips under Lexa's underwear.  
  
"I want you" Lexa confirmed again breathlessly knocking Clarke's breath out her at her quiet confession it paused Clarke in her movement and she knew she shouldn't push it as Lexa struggled with words and emotions but she couldn't help herself.  
  
"Say that again?" Clarke questioned softly the smile on her lips making it obvious that she heard it the first time.  
  
"I want you"  
  
She pulled Lexa's underwear of quickly before throwing them to the floor, as she needed, wanted to connect their lips together again after Lexa's confession she knew it, but it was different from hearing it leave the girls mouth, she kissed her like it was her first and last, like she wanted to savour it in her memory until the end of time as her fingers slid between her folds feeling Lexa's wetness.  
  
So was soaked.  
  
"Oh my god" Clarke mumbled between kisses as Lexa moaned at the contact, unable to part the kiss with so much want, so much need their tongues dominated one another as Clarke allowed her fingers to be covered with Lexa's wetness knowing that her first time will hurt.  
  
"You ready?" Clarke questioned positioning her body properly as she held herself up. The quick nod encouraged her to carry on, as her fingers slid threw the folds again before slowly beginning to push in. She did it ever so slow watching Lexa's face scrunch as her walls stretched around her finger's. Slowly pushing deeper until she was knuckle deep kissing Lexa's lips as she waited for her body to adjust to the new change.  
  
"You ok?" Clarke questioned peppering small kisses along Lexa's neck as her body pushed in to Lexa's naked one.  
  
"Yeah" Lexa said after a moment "Just sore"  
  
"It will be for a while" Clarke admits "I'm going to start moving ok"  
  
"Ok" Lexa  buried her hands in blonde locks' before she felt the slow movements of Clarke's hand feeling Clarke hitting something in her that made her feel a weird feeling in her stomach pushing the pain away slightly as she began letting small moans out. When moans left her mouth Clarke started kissing her, until she could feel heavy breaths panted against her lips making it a struggle for Lexa to continue kissing as her eyes closed in pleasure. The pain and pleasure mixed as one making it bearable but she could feel the build growing inside until she was pushing her head back eyes clamping close as she moaned out more and more, gripping in Clarke's hair tighter than she ever had as she brought her lips to a searing kiss making Clarke rock her body in to Lexa's as she too struggled to control her moans without even being touched. She never wanted this to end, she never wanted to stop watching Lexa let go and moan freely, to confess things she wanted as she kissed her with more aggression and passion then she ever had. She was mesmerized by her beauty, by her whimpers and the way her face scrunched up tighter when Clarke curled her fingers as her thumb circled her clit pushing her to the edge.  
  
"Babe" Clarke whispered feeling Lexa's walls closing in. "Let go" Clarke hummed licking the length of Lexa's neck as she gritted her jaw at how much she wanted to sink her teeth in to Lexa's skin "Cum for me" She pleaded pushing Lexa over the edge as she felt the final clench and a throaty moan echo threw the room.  
The blonde let her ride it out continuing her movement until it became to sensitive. The heavy pants of Lexa's breaths had Clarke pulling her finger's out slowly while watching Lexa's face scrunch in pain.  
"Sorry" Clarke whispered peppering kisses along Lexa's body until her breathing calmed. As she moved to lay beside Lexa she couldn't help but lean on her elbow as she looked down at the beautiful brunette.  
  
It was on the tip of Clarke's tongue, the confession, the four Letter word that she was scared to confess to incase it freaked Lexa out. So close to the edge but she bit it back, swallowed it down and tried to ignore it as green eyes flicker open and catch blue. She leant down and captured her lips smiling at her sleepy eyes.  
  
"You should sleep" Clarke whispered placing her head on the pillow as she snaked her arm around Lexa holding her closer as the brunette naturally snuggled in to Clarke's neck ready to grip at her chest, with a shake of her head saying no. They lay their holding on another with gentle strokes and gentle grazes until Clare could feel the flutter of the brunettes lashes against her skin.  
  
"Nothing to hold" Lexa mumbled placing a sleepy kiss on Clarke's neck as she pushed her hand in to Clarke's hair gripping on making Clarke giggle. "Clarke" Lexa hummed  
  
"Yeah"  
  
"Please don't leave" Lexa said timidly burying her face even more.  
  
"I wont" Clarke tightens her grip around Lexa "I promise"  
  
She felt Lexa go limp in her arms after a short while, but the blonde who was first eager to sleep to excited for morning tomorrow, could do nothing but smile in the darkened room as her fingers glide up and down the length of Lexa's naked back. She knew words was her struggling point, she knew that she struggled with her emotions due to her past and Clarke hated hearing her vulnerability in such a few words. She may not express everything in to words but she would wait forever till Lexa could find them. She closed her eyes massarging Lexa's scalp ignoring the ache between her legs while shifting uncomfortably, only to feel Lexa's hold tighten. She smiled at the brunette hugging her closer before kissing her forehead knowing she would wait for ever for Lexa to be ready. For now she was glad her dad snores and her mum wears ear plugs.   
  
\----  
  
Lexa woke the next morning with a humming leaving her throat, her green eye's opened and adjusted to the room while feeling gentle kisses trailing her spine as Last night come flashing back.  
  
"Morning beautiful" Clarke whispered against her skin giving her no time to panic and tense up. "Sorry If I woke you" Clarke hummed continuing her trail of kisses up Lexa's spine till she reaches the back of her neck.  
  
"Morning babe" Lexa smiled before realising what she had said and quickly going a shade of red. It wasn't that she didn't like 'babe' or any other name for that matter, its just it never fell of her tongue naturally so she never used it unlike Clarke, she was still struggling with being comfortable with things where she had never done any of it before, and never had much of a relationship with anyone even so much as a friend to have comfortable talks, honestly she didn't understand why Clarke was even with her.  
  
"Umm babe?" Clarke giggled laying beside the brunette from behind. "I like the sound of that" Clarke admits trailing Lexa's back with her fingers until Lexa turned around to face her clutching the quilt over her chest feeling self conscious, Clarke noticed immediately.  
  
"Happy Christmas Clarke" Lexa said softly still holding the quilt between their bodies as she bit her lip.  
  
"Happy Christmas Lexa" Clarke whispered leaning forward to capture Lexa's lips in a lingering kiss as She took Lexa's hand in her own to stop herself gripping the quilt around herself. "How are you feeling?" Clarke questioned  
  
"A little sore"  
  
"You will for abit" Clarke admits "It will hurt less next time. Do you regret it?" Clarke regretfully asks, but is relieved when she see's the scrunch in Lexa's face.  
  
"No" Lexa admits "Do you?"  
  
"Not one bit" Clarke confesses "I never wanted someone like I do you" Clarke confesses "I was scared you would regret it"  
  
"Is that why you're awake before me?" Lexa questioned.  
  
"Maybe" Clarke fiddled nervously. She didn't want to wake up to Lexa freaking out, or Lexa dressed and gone. Maybe the lack of words set fear and doubt in Clarkes mind without really knowing.  
  
"Can I give you a present now?" Lexa questioned nervously sitting up "I was going to give you it at night instead, but.. well.. can I?" Lexa questioned biting on her inner lip nipping at the skin.  
  
"Ok" Clarke replied  
  
"Um.. Can you.. can you get my clothes?" Lexa questioned still not entirely comfortable with the new day making all her confidence vanish.  
  
"course" Clarke smiled pecking Lexa's lips before turning around and reaching Lexa's clothes of the floor and handing them to her. Lexa shifted under the quilt putting her clothes on as Clarke found it highly amusing considering she was just kissing her naked back, and she had her fingers deep in to her last night while sucking her nipple. But this Lexa was not confident Lexa, this was Lexa not lost in a moment and instead was shy.  
  
She watched Lexa climb out her bed and reach under her pillow before coming back to sit beside Clarke nervously biting on her lip as she clutched her diary.  
  
"I'm not good with words, but I can write them" Lexa admits. "Since I moved here I've wrote in this from the beginning and there are bits about you, um well.. a lot about you" Lexa blushed and Clarke smiled reaching her hand to brush her thumb across her cheek.  
  
"You write about me?" she questioned grin in place.  
  
"A lot" Lexa admits looking in to blue, "I folded the corners of the pages you can read, the pages I want you to read"  
  
"Do you want me to read them now?" Clarke questioned.  
  
"Yeah.. " Lexa said nervously. "It.. I think then you will understand"  
  
Clarke hesitated for a moment staring at the cover of the book turning it to the side to see the pages folded at the edges. She nervously finds the first fold of paper which was already halfway threw the book. She spread the book open, seeing Lexa's handwriting filling a whole page before nervously looking up to Lexa. She Remembered waking threw the night seeing Lexa awake writing in this book in the darkened room, and now Lexa was letting her read it. Before reading, before finding out Lexa's feeling and thoughts she cupped leant forward cupping Lexa's cheek before kissing her softly letting it linger before pulling away with a reassuring smile. She had always tried to reassure the brunette of her feelings she was always soft and caring and it warmed her heart that Lexa was doing the same back just buy handing her the book.  
  
"You are beautiful you know that?" Clarke says softly. "Get back in bed with me" Clarke smiled pulling the quilt back. She watched the spark come to life in green eyes as she climbed back in bed both with their backs resting against the headboard. Clarke pulled the book forward "6th october" Clarke reads Turning to the blonde with a intrigued smile knowing it was the first night she met Lexa and Lexa smiled even more nervously before resting her head against the blonde's shoulder ready to listen to her read her own words.  
  
  
**Terrible at writing this! Anyhow let me know what you thought! Apologises for such a long wait, but it was a struggle of a chapter to be honest even from the first paragraph, which was annoying! Read NOTES!**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy my fellow Readers! :)  
> Just wanted to add a quick little note, I wanted to say thank you for the continued hits, kudos and amazing comments! Unfortunately I have been struggling with this the more its continued although I know where I want it to go and the storyline it's just the struggle of writing it how I want it to come across :/  
> But thank you for sticking with me... and I just wanted to also say thank you for the amazing response I got from the One shot I recently did Fight for me! The reaction was absolutely overwhelming so I gave you the second part you asked for! But I just wanted to say thank you again, and just let you all know there wont be a 3rd part unfortunately! :)
> 
> The next chapter will be updated quicker I promise, it was just this chapter!


	24. Chapter 24

**Lost And Insecure!**  
_6th October._

 _I feel like I write this sentence more than any other, but again I have a new home._ _I think I've come to accept that maybe I was designed to be alone, that maybe my life was always meant to be this way so I can't bring myself to unpack because  
not only do they always send me back anyway, but this family already have a daughter who looks like they can't wait to see me gone, as much as I cant wait to go.  
Her name is Clarke and although I've only spoken to her briefly she already looks at me like a freak and she thinks I'm a mute.  
_ _She's not like me, and now she is stuck with me with no choice as I invade her privacy and share her room._  
_I think I would hate me to._  
_She told me i have beautiful eyes. It was random really like she just blurted it out, but I'm not sure why._

 _For as long as I can remember I've always acted like I have no heart to break, because it would hurt less right? If you shield yourself from the harsh world_  
_then I would be ok, but I think the thing that hurts the most and always will is that out off billions of people not one of them cares about me nor love me._  
_I cant bring myself to sleep because I start everything new again tomorrow, new life, new home, new school, but it always ends the same._  
  
_I just really wish my mum was still here._  
_Alexandria_!

 

She wasn't sure what she was expecting to read or what she expected Lexa to actually write about her but what ever it was it wasn't that. Even after the entry came to a end her eyes kept seeking for something within the empty lines, as she processed what she had just read. It was only then that she realised this book would allow her to see more things about Lexa than she could imagine, this book represented her heart. Clarke didn't realise how much she gripped both sides of the book, she didn't notice her knuckles turning white as she scanned threw the empty lines at the bottom but she did notice the shift in bed, the warmth of Lexa's body move against her own beside her and that's what tore her eyes away from Lexa's broken written words. When her eyes met with Lexa's she felt her grip loosen on the book as Lexa's eyes scanned her own nervously, waiting on something as she nervously played with the quilt between her fingers, she wanted to say something she could tell the blonde have come to notice when Lexa searched for the right words so Clarke waited despite being desperate to voice her own words as the words just kept sinking lower and lower.  
  
"I needed you to read this, to be able to see the change" Lexa admits quietly pressing her head to Clarke's shoulder once more as she faces the book infront of her. There was silence for a moment, only a short moment but it felt like forever. Clarke closed the book and pushed it aside before gripping Lexa and pulling her above her.  
  
"I want you" Clarke whispered cupping her cheek as she sits straighter bringing her closer to the brunette. Lexa melted in the palm of Clarke's hand, pushing herself more in to it to keep such comfort, such gentleness. "I care." Clarke continued.  
  
"I believe you" Lexa smiles softly feeling Clarke bring her forehead to rest on her own.  
  
"I'm sorry I made you feel that way" Clarke confessed pushing brown hair behind Lexa's ear while her eyes struggled to decide where they wanted to stay darting from one feature to the next until she was unable to stop herself capturing Lexa's lips in a sweet lingerie kiss that was desperate. It wasn't desperate for passion, or desperate with need but more of a desperation for Lexa to believe her, to apologise for ever making her feel that way as she is far from all of those, it was a kiss that desperately needed Lexa to know that she was sorry she ever made her feel this way, or felt this this way at all.  
  
"Are you going to kiss me after every entry?" Lex questioned after parting the kiss but having Clarke still hold her close, she couldn't deny the smile that lit her face.  
  
"More than likely" Clarke admits pecking Lexa's lips once more, which only made Lexa bite back a giggle as she placed herself beside Clarke once more.  
  
"You should read the next one" Lexa instructed resting her head against Clarke's shoulder again as Clarke grabbed the book.  
  
"Just because you want another kiss" Clarke teased nuzzling her head in to the side of Lexa's as her smile dropped rethinking Lexa's words. She hated her feeling that way, she hated Lexa feeling alone and unloved when all Clarke had been aching to scream is how much she loves her. She regained herself as she pulled away and looked at the book flipping a few pages forward until she came to the one that was left folded over for her. She couldn't help but wonder what was written in the pages she had passed as she did a time jump."20th November" Clarke read as her brain quickly struggled to think of what had happened in them few days.

  
20th November

 _I feel different and I'm not even sure if I can explain it. I know I write about her almost every time i write in this book, but no matter how much i write I always feel like their is so much more to say. I can't explain it.. How can i explain that for as long as I can remember even when I'm not necessarily sad I've always felt empty_  
_but somehow Clarke replaces it with something else, something that scares me but makes me smile all at once.._  
_How can i make sense of something that doesn't really make sense?_  
_I've never had a problem writing my feelings before, never needed to think about what to write or why i feel that way but with Clarke, Clarke has me tapping my pen against my book with no clue where to start.._  
_Ever since i was six years old I've learnt to be alone because I had no choice. Everyone stopped looking at me like they use to, and it was quickly_  
_replaced with a new look, a look I wasn't use to nor understood until I grew some more, but all their eyes held were pity, sympathy or disgust as they discover I don't have a home or family so they paint their own picture of a troubled child._  
_but Clarke doesn't, she looks at me for me._  
_She scares me more than anything ever has yet I love it when she calls me her girlfriend, I think she knows.. she always smirks when she calls me it so I think she defiantly knows!_  
_For the first time i actually feel like I'm alive and not just living and despite my fears of the way she makes me feel, i think I'm more scared_  
_that it will just stop and all this would have just been a dream, and that scares me more because.._  
_because i think about her every minute of everyday and for the first time in my life i want to be selfish.._  
_She's beautiful..so beautiful and has these eyes that are just.. i can't even put a word to them.. but what I'm saying is,_  
_i don't want to share her even if i know she can do so much better than me.._  
_I'm scared of the feelings she makes me feel, but I'm scared of losing her even more already.._  
_She makes me feel like my cells are dancing.._  
_She makes me feel like I'm drunk but sober.._  
_She makes me feel like I'm someone important..  
_

 

There was no pause of silence or gripping tightly to the book, there was no hoping of more words to appear in the empty lines beneath the writing already written like only moments before. Instead Clarke couldn't have pushed the book aside quick enough with the cutest of smiles spread perfectly across her lips as she quickly moved position pulling at Lexa's hips dragging her down in a laying position causing Lexa to yelp in surprise. The smile only grew as she climbed over the brunette slowly biting on her bottom lip. She could see the blush in Lexa's cheeks knowing Clarke just read her most personal thoughts but her nerves were almost non existent as Clarke's naked body hovered over her clothed one.  
"Can i be selfish to?" Clarke questioned looking deep in to beautiful green eyes not even waiting on a response as she pressed her lips to Lexa's. She would be lying if she said she didn't intend to deepen the kiss and hope to hear Lexa whimper in her mouth, and when she did she couldn't help but smile at how easy it was as her tounge pushed against Lexa's. Clarke's hand quickly traced down Lexa's body pushing under the material until she was gripping her hip tightly before pushing her naked body tighter against Lexa's.  
"Why do you have clothes on again?" Clarke whined with a extra moan of complaint before resting her forehead against Lexa's with a heaving chest but smile still perfectly painted across her lips as her eyes flickered open to see green. "Hi girlfriend" She whispered in the softest of ways before cupping her cheek and gliding her thumb back and forth.  
  
"Hi" Lexa grinned cheeks reddening as Clarke remembers her confession.  
  
"i don't think I've ever smiled at a gift like this before" Clarke admits biting her bottom lip as she supressed her smile forming a full grown grin.  "And just so you know" Clarke whispered pecking Lexa's delicate lips. "I can not do better than you" Clarke admits letting her eyes flicker to vulnerable green "I'm the lucky one. Trust me"  
She could feel Lexa's eyes soften at her words only causing her to snuggle closer in to the body beneath her, she would do what ever it took for Lexa to believe she meant those words from the bottom of her heart.  
  
"Clarke" Lexa whispered bringing her hand up to pale skin gliding her finger across her cheek and threw her hair line, the furrow between her brows let Clarke know she was thinking of how to say something as her brain wrapped around the right way to say it she watched Lexa swallow hard as she continued to look in to blue, and before Clarke had time to say or think anything else she found her back against the bed as Lexa now hovers above her nervously. "There is one more i wrote that i want you to read" Lexa admitted her eyes scanning blue eyes nervously before biting her bottom lip. "But I think I want to, I think I should say it" Lexa confessed.  
  
"Ok" Clarke hummed reaching up and pushing her lips to Lexa's feeling her eyes close on instinct, but before the kiss could deepen she pulled away before quickly pecking her lips once more "When ever you're ready" Clarke say softly pushing her fingers threw brown locks and massaging Lexa's scalp until she relaxed.  
  
"i wrote the one you read over a month ago" Lexa points out as she nervously bites her lip eyes continuing to scan Clarke's "I'm a little nervous" Lexa admits before reaching for the book.  
  
"don't be" Clarke says softly as both girls reposition themselves till they are laying side by side once more.  
  
"23rd December" Lexa reads from the book before turning to face Clarke once more only continuing when Lexa give's her a encouraging smile while snaking her arm around her waist and holding her tight.  
  
"23rd of Dece.." Lexa repeats only pausing when she hears the heavy banging of a door coming from downstairs.   
  
"For god sake" Clarke huffs burring her face in the pillow with a whine.  
  
"What's that?" Lexa questioned confused as the banging continued.  
  
"Anya and her family, we all open our presents together so they come around at the crack of dawn" Clarke whined again burying herself in Lexa's neck. "The one time I don't want to move she forgets her key" Clarke complains "This is why I hate her" Causing Lexa to laugh  
  
"Shouldn't we go open the door?" Lexa questioned noticing no sign of movement.  
  
"Or we could just hope she goes away and you continue to read" Clarke pouts.  
  
"I can read it later"  
  
"I want you to read it now" Clarke whines only making Lexa grin wider.  
  
"Clarke.."  
  
"Fine! Fine" Clarke whines climbing over the brunette to find her clothes from the floor with a pout. "But just so you know, you voted to let them in not me" Clarke points out before leaning down and capturing Lexa's lips softly and slowly. "hmm" Clarke hums against the brunettes lips "I vote we stay in bed" Clarke whispered. "It's not to late?" Clarke proposes causing Lexa to kiss her lips again with a shake of the head as the banging got louder. "Fine" Clarke admitted defeat pulling her girlfriend by the hand with her out her room as the excitement for Christmas day slowly began to build as she banged on her parents door announcing Anya's arrival.  
  
\--

There was many things that normally would happen Christmas morning, many things that Clarke did every year as she buzzed with excitement, but this year was different. She would always rush her parents, uncle and aunt in to the living room ready to tear every shred of paper apart until she discovered the present hidden beneath to excited to wait for them to play catch up in the kitchen. She would always have to shove and pull her dad and uncle Gustus with them laughing at her efforts, they resented every year just for those few extra minutes till Clarke would huff in annoyance. This year was different, so very different.  
Instead she found her back pressed against the kitchen counter holding her mug to her lips hiding the growing smile as she watched her family chatter in excitement all still dressed in their pyjamas. Her uncle Gus was laughing along to something her dad said, while Anya, Indra and Abby spoke with Lexa who was sat nervously at the breakfast table looking from one woman to the next. She looked nervous, there was no hiding it but Clarke loved the sight, the sight of her family enjoying Christmas morning and somehow she was unable to tear her eyes away from her girlfriend. She couldn't stop her mind wondering to the events of last night, how Lexa's body reacted to her own, how Lexa's delicate lips formed around her breathless moans, how every time Lexa moaned she wanted to hear it again and again.  
  
"Think we should make a move to the other room" Abby announced standing from her chair gripping at her mug as she turned to the rest of us "I'm surprised you're not shoving us in there already" Abby laughed already heading towards the front room as Indra followed. Clarke didn't respond she only smiled knowing her usual routine, but she was to focused, to hypnotised by the brunette now starring back at her, and for the first time she was glad of the mug hiding her biting her bottom lip as she bowed her head shyly before catching green eyes once more.  
  
"No way!" Anya gasped wiped eyes as she looked to her cousin then Lexa.  
  
"What?" Clarke questioned finally walking closer towards her girlfriend.  
  
"You two so had sex last night!" Anya grinned with a pointed finger.  
  
"Anya!!" Clarke snapped her head to her cousin immediately before turning to her dad and uncle who still stood in the room.  
  
"That's my que to leave" Jake stated holding back a laugh.  
  
"Papa G!" Anya laughed watching Jake head for the door "It nothing you and auntie Abby haven't done you filthy animal" Anya laughed having Jake shake his head.  
  
"Anya!!" Clarke snapped.  
  
"Living room" Jake questioned Gustus before he quickly nodded both making a run for it.  
  
"As if you just said that!!" Clarke snapped turning her attention to Lexa who had a now bright shade of pink covering her cheeks.  
  
"What?" Anya questioned obliviously. "its natural"  
  
"Discussing my sex life with my dad in the room is so not natural!"  
  
"Yeah.. yeah...stop changing the topic" Anya waved of turning to Lexa before looking back to her cousin with a questioning look.  "So I'm right?" She questioned with a raised brow "You bonked?"  
  
"Anya!" Clarke snapped once more whacking her cousins arm.  
  
"Look I know my name ok? Stop saying it you will wear it out, seriously" she teased rolling her eyes before speaking again. "So How was it?" Anya questioned turning to one girl to the other.  
  
"We are not talking about this" Clarke announced softly before sliding her hand down to meet Lexa's entangling them together, as green eyes connected with blue a soft smile painted their lips, if there was any other person Lexa felt comfortable with other than Clarke it was Anya.  
  
"Awhh" Anya cooed after watching their exchange. "You two are so cute I could just steal you away and store you in a remote desolate area!" Anya grinning clapping her hands together.  
  
"shut up" Clarke pleaded rolling her own eyes.  
  
"Girls!" Abby shouted "Are you coming?" She questioned from the living room.  
  
"Lexa did" Anya laughed quickly making a run for it before her cousin could hit her once more.  
  
"I hate her" Clarke whined wrapping her arms firmly around Lexa as she stood up feelings Lexa's own arms snake around her neck.  
  
"What were you smiling at?" Lexa questioned after a second flickering her eyes to Clarke's lips and back to her eyes. "When your mum was speaking to me?"  
  
"You" Clarke admitted resting her forehead on the brunette.  
  
"What about me?"  
  
"How beautiful you are" Clarke admits pushing brunette locks over Lexa's shoulder revealing her long slender neck. "Last night" Clarke whispered placing a kiss on Lexa's pulse point. "the words you wrote in your journal, and how much I just want to go back upstairs and read the last one" Clarke admits finally resting her forehead against Lexa's. "But I can't wait till you open your present" the blonde grins pecking Lexa's eager lips as she kisses her back.  
  
"Girls!" Abby shouted once again.  
  
"Stop eating each others face!" Anya shouted with a laugh making Clarke huff and Lexa laugh.  
  
"I Can't wait to read it to you" Lexa said nervously biting her bottom lip as she ignores the calls before placing one more kiss on Clarke's lips.  
  
"God I love your lips" Clarke breathed with eyes closed. "I hate Christmas"  
  
"You love Christmas"  
  
"I hate it now that it made us leave bed" She pouted, tightening her hold on Lexa as she steps forward making Lexa's bum hit the kitchen table but Clarke doesn't stop as she steps that little bit closer till Lexa's bum is firmly on the table and Clarke stands between her legs.  
  
"Maybe we can return to it later" Lexa suggested innocently with a soft smile, while playing with the hairs on Clarkes neck. "we should probably go in there"  
  
"In a minute" Clarke whispers eyes already lost on Lexa's lips as she leans forward and connects them for what always feels like the first time. Her eyes clamp shut tightly at the first touch as her belly drowns in butterflies, forgetting the day, where they are and her normal bodily functions while all she can feel is the heat pushing threw her skin, her legs weak and Lexa's lips moving perfectly against hers. Her moans are irrevocable as her mind swims with Lexa, Lexa's lips, Lexa's body, Lexa's tongue. She pushes her hand roughly in to Lexa's hair gripping it tightly keeping her as close as possible before pushing her body further against Lexa's needing to feel it all, needing to feel what she felt last night. Only when Clarke felt the gentle palm of her girlfriends hand placed across her cheek did the kiss become more slow, soft and loving, at the realization Lexa was lost with her, lost in the kiss, lost in Clarke. It took everything in the blonde to not ruin the kiss and smile, but the gentle moan Lexa gave that vibrated against Clarke's bottom lip had her pulling away barely opening her eyes to see the beautiful mess Lexa had become.  
  
"There having sex on the table!" Anya shouted making both girls snap out of it and turn their heads towards the door. "Told you they were getting freaky aunt Abbs" Anya laughed half looking threw the kitchen door and back in to the living room.  
  
"We are not!" Clarke shouted wishing looks could kill. "Have I ever told you how much I hate your timing?" Clarke questioned as Lexa placed her feet back on the ground.

"Many times darling!" Anya smirked. "She must have been good if you can't keep your hands of" Anya teased wiggling her eye brows as she leant on the doorframe. "Come on Lex give us the gossip"  
  
"Anya!" Clarke pleaded.  
  
"Clarke" Anya acknowledged.  
  
"Maybe we should go sit" Lexa interrupted with a smile fixing her pyjamas properly.  
  
"Listen to your girlfriend blondie" Anya laughed disappearing in to the living room once more with the girls following behind.  
  
"How does she know?" Lexa questioned nervously fearing she gave something away with something she did.  
  
"Never under estimate Anya's ability to find out things" Clarke smiled quickly placing a soft kiss on the brunettes cheek to sooth out her fears.  
  
\--  
  
Clarke was unable to stop herself rolling her eyes at her cousin but found it even more impossible to stop the smile forming her lips as her cousin began her normal Christmas routine, with silly comments or puns.  
  
"Please stop" Clarke laughed while trying to focus on her dad picking up a present from under the tree.  
  
"What?" Anya grinned. "I'm just saying that trees got a lot of balls coming in here dressed like that" Anya grinned speaking to the tree as Clarke continued to laugh and ignore her cousin at the same time.  
  
"Who's that from?" Abby questioned smiling as she turned to her husband.  
  
"Anya" Jake read "I'm not sure if I should open it" He teased shaking it warily  
  
"Trust me uncle Jake!" Anya beamed "You will thank me later" she admits nudging Abby. "and you!" She nodded eagerly waiting for him to unwrap the mystery gift.  
  
"That makes me want to not open it more" Jake laughed turning to his brother Before pealing the wrapper apart until a box was left on his lap. "A sweet thong" Jake laughed raising his gaze to his niece at this point not surprised in the slightest.  
  
"For you and Aunt abbs!" She grinned proudly "You can bite it of ab.."  
  
"Ok!" Clarke interrupted putting her hands in the air. "To much information! Next!" Clarke pleaded with a disgusted look as the image of her mum and dad filled her mind. "Gross" She announced causing everyone to laugh including Lexa beside her.  
  
"She isn't funny" Clarke whispered nudging her nose against the brunettes hair slightly before she pulled away.  
  
"I cant believe she got them that" Lexa admitted quietly her smile never leaving her face as her eyes scanned the family sitting in a circle.  
  
"Clarke this one's for you" Abby announced handing over the gift that was wrapped perfectly under the tree.  
  
"It's from you" Clarke beamed looking to her girlfriend.  
  
"Open it!" Anya grinned her smile already to wide ready to laugh.  
  
"Should I be worried?" Clarke questioned with a nervous laugh shaking the box much like her dad.  
  
"No" Lexa admitted biting her lip nervously. "It's just something little" Lexa admitted honestly already fiddling with the hem of her top as her eyes drop nervously. From the second she see Lexa become nervous she wanted to take it away, she wanted to see the glimmer in her eyes as she watched everyone take turns unwrapping their gifts, she wanted to see her sip her hot chocolate as she admired the Christmas tree and fiddle with her socks as she laughs along to Gustus and Anya winding one another up.  
  
"I'm sure I'll love it" Clarke tried to reassure reaching her hand out to the brunettes and tangling them together with a gentle squeeze.  
  
"Oh I'm sure you will" Anya interrupted grin still firmly in position. "Open it already!" She ordered as all curious eyes focus on Clarke's wrapped present.  
  
She tore the paper apart without a second though before turning the box around in her lap to see what it was.  
  
"Alarm clock" Clarke said aloud admiring the box her own smile forming as her Uncle Gustus, Jake Abby and Anya started laughing.  
  
"Yeah like that will work" Gustus laughed "She don't know how to get out of bed"  
  
"Yes I do!" Clarke defended.  
  
"She once told me her Alarm clock was a jealous whore because it was constantly trying to pull her away from her bed" Anya admitted causing the whole family to laugh including Lexa.  
  
"Well it is" Clarke shrugged turning to her girlfriend "I love it, thank you" Clarke smiled leaning forward to capture her girlfriends lips.   
  
"It's terrible I'm sorry" Lexa admitted biting her bottom lip once more. "I've never brought gifts for people before, and you broke yours"  
  
"It's perfect" Clarke reassured taking her girlfriends hand in her own wishing there wasn't all these prying eyes around so she could kiss her girlfriend for being so cute and nervous, she just hopped the gentle squeeze would send her the same message for now.   
  
"Liar" Anya coughed patting her chest. "Sorry bad throat"   
  
"Seriously who gave this nerd a key?" Clarke questioned looking to her parents.   
  
"You did" Anya added. "You would be bored without me admit it"   
  
"Hmm so my messages about me hating you aren't quite sinking in?" Clarke questioned.   
  
"You're just pissed because I disturbed Lexa time" Anya smirked.   
  
"Bite me"   
  
"I believe Lexa already did that"   
  
"I hope your next periods in a shark tank" Clarke bites.  
  
  
\--  
  
It was like no one else was in the room as Clarke and Anya made remarks to one another, but the smirks and roll of eyes gave their seriousness away. Lexa found it more fascinating that the family just watched and listened, like it was something they did every year, like this was something they had grew use to for years and Lexa already believed that to be true. They looked more like sisters than cousins with their hate love relationship and constantly doing everything they can to annoy the other, almost like they were children all over again and Lexa admired that even more as Clarke's inner child came out.   
  
"Please don't get like them" Gustus spoke beside Lexa.  "Total nightmare" He admits shaking his head but the smile showed something different.   
  
"Are they always like this?" Lex questioned the nervousness back in her voice as she fiddled with the hem of her top while looking at her girlfriend throwing a ball of wrapping paper at Anya.   
  
"All the time. They fell out once lasted one hour" Gustus grinned. "They came in screaming and shouting declaring they hate one another, they never wanted to see one another again, didn't want to even look at one another" Gustus laughed at the memory.   
  
"What happened?" Lexa questioned curiously watching Anya stick her tongue out at Clarke before throwing the wrapping paper back.   
  
"Anya let go of Clarke's bike" Indra informed joining in the conversation as she swigged her hot drink. "Clarke fell of and grazed her knee"   
  
"She started shouting I trusted you, I hate you" Gustus added looking to the two girls still talking to one another. Lexa found her smile growing across her lips as she looked to her blonde girlfriend picturing her as a child learning to ride a bike.   
  
"How did they make up?" Lexa questioned  
  
"They got bored playing on their own and missed one another" Gustus grinned "They ran and hug one another and declared from that moment on they would never fall out"   
  
"Did they?"   
  
"No" Indra admitted. "Still to this day there inseparable, but like this instead I'm not sure what's worse" Indra joked rolling her eyes at her daughter.   
  
"Ok girls" Jake interrupted "lets continue shall we?" He questioned reaching out for another present not needing to read the label to know who's it is as he placed it on Lexa's lap. "That's from Clarke" Jake smiled softly before moving back and placing his arm back around his wife.   
  
"Thank you" Lexa said softly looking towards the present, she knew immediately what it was by the shape and she was sure everyone else did too judging by the way they all their eyes fell on her in such a soft way.   
  
"I wanted to get you something that would mean something" Clarke admitted now being the one slightly nervous as she bit her lip. "I wanted you to have something that was yours" Green eyes connected with blue and it was like it was only them two in the room, like nothing else mattered with that one single look, and Lexa knew she was falling in love with Clarke even more. She watched as Clarke gestured for her to unwrap it, and so she did. She slowly pulled the wrapping paper off her heart beating faster as the black leather case comes in to view. She connected her eyes with Clarke's once more who was watching her with a soft smile.   
  
"Open it" Clarke encouraged. So she did, she unclipped the black case revealing the mahogany acoustic guitar. Unable to take her eyes of the instrument her finger tips glided down the strings and across the wood until her breath hitched at something else her eyes fell on.   
  
"You once told me you're mum use to sing to you and sometimes play guitar" Clarke admitted softly facing the brunette who still was unable to take her eyes of the instrument as her finger tips trailed over the inscription carved perfectly in to the wood. "Your mum use to tell you that singing was the strongest form of magic" Clarke smiled moving closer to her girlfriend taking her other hand in her own until green eyes finally met blue and Clarke's heart melted when she seen the water pools coating her eyes. "You're voice is amazing, and your mum would be so proud" Clarke admitting cupping her girlfriends cheek and wiping the single tear that fell. "It's to remind you that your mum is with you always" Clarke whispered pecking her girlfriend trembling lip. "and you can carry her magic on"

  
 _'H.W... The strongest form of magic..'  
  
_  
"Clar-" Lexa breathed placing her hand over Clarke's cheek with a trembling lip and watery eyes. She's not good with words, she knows this but she has to say something, every ounce of her feels like its pounding, like she's struggling to breath but with all the oxygen in the worlds, like everything feels overwhelming in the best way possible with those blue eyes looking at her with such understanding, such care and gentleness and Lexa feels like its to much but never enough.   
  
"You remembered" Lexa whispered.   
  
"I remembered" Clarke confirms forehead still pressed firmly against Lexa's.   
  
"Thank you" Lexa breaths her watery eyes never Leaving Clarkes.   
  
"You're more than welcome" Clarke whispers placing a soft kiss on her lips, and somehow it becomes a lingering kiss, a kiss that Lexa wishes would make Clarke understand everything she had been juggling with for the past few weeks that simply describe says it all with three words on the tip of her tongue.   
  
"Awhh" Abby says quietly as both girls separate finally noticing all the family watching them and tears in Abby's eyes.   
  
"Mom" Clarke whines her cheeks going red as her hand quickly connects with Lexa's leaning her body against the brunettes wanting to be as close as possible.   
  
"Sorry" Abby try's to brush of feeling silly wiping at her own eyes as she reached for a different present trying to distract herself. "You're just growing up" she says digging under presents.   
  
"Clarke" Lexa whispers after noticing the family focusing on other things now.   
  
"Yeah?" Clarke questioned turning her gaze to face the brunette.   
  
There was a moment of silence. A moment where Lexa's eyes trailed her girlfriends features, a moment where she smiled thinking of how this girl had her acting foreign on a beach, a moment where she remembered Clarke coaxing her out of a panic attack with those same beautiful eyes and gentle touches, a moment where everything about this girl infront of her screamed at her to speak, to voice her emotion pushing the lump down from her throat as she was certain. She could wait to read the last part of the journal or say it now because for the first time Clarke's pushed that fear past everything and all she feels is safety, security and certainty.  
  
"I love you" Lexa says nervously dropping her gaze to Clarke's lips at her confession before nervously raising them once more to blue. "I love you Clarke" she confesses with more confident.   
  
  
  
**I apologise massively for such a long wait for only a short chapter. I did want it to be longer, but this will do for now and hopefully keep you happy for now! I won't say when the next update will be but it will be a lot quicker! Anyway, what's your thoughts so far? Would love to hear from you and your opinion! Next chapter i will warn you there is DRAMA! I won't give anything away as I'm not completely sure that's where I'm going to go with it yet so we will soon see! Thank you for all the lovely comments i have received so far along with the kudos and hits! Amazed! I apologise now for any spelling mistakes or terrible grammar its just for fun!**  
  


 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have been thinking where I want this to go, and I've decided I would love to sturr it up just a little bit so prepare for some Drama.


	25. Chapter 25

**Lost and Insecure**

For a moment everything froze. There was no movement or sound as Lexa starred at the stunned blonde who could only stare back, with a smile that slowly started to fade as she blinked at Lexa’s words. It felt like a life time had passed as her cheeks began to burn a shade of red and her heart thudded against her rips while fear increased through her bones. She opened the door to her heart giving Clarke permission to hurt her in everyway, while ignoring her head telling her to retreat, to close up, to say she was joking because somewhere, somehow Lexa felt at ease trusting Clarke with everything she has to offer. Time seemed to tick slowly, she had no doubt it was mere seconds but felt like hours as Clarke swallowed harshly finally closing her mouth as she turns fully to face Lexa with a spark in blue eyes.  
"What?" Clarke whispered swallowing once more in disbelief the furrow in her brows creasing further as she eyed Lexa seriously, more carefully as her chest raised and fell. She watched the blondes reaction nervously biting on her bottom lip the lump even bigger now in her throat, until she see's Clarke's lips turn backup in to a small smile.  
Before Lexa has time to say anything, to confirm the ache she feels everyday in her heart for the blonde, to confirm Clarke is the only person she has ever confessed her love too while meaning each and every word to the fullest, Clarke is on her feet pulling Lexa with her excusing them for a minute while they went and fetched a present upstairs. It was a big blur to Lexa, one minute she is staring at the blonde declaring her love, the next Clarke is holding her hand as she pulls her upstairs and in to the bedroom before closing the door. As the door clicked shut Clarke's hand tightened against Lexa's pulling her infront of her as she gazed at the brunette, searching for something and Lexa was sure she knew what Clarke was looking for.  
  
"You love me?" Clarke questioned quietly her eyes flickering across Lexa's face for any hint of lie, any hint of any misunderstand, like she didn't believe the words Lexa had spoke and Lexa was quick to notice. The furrow in her brows creased automatically as she didn't understand why Clarke was doubting it.  
  
"Can I read you the last entry?" Lexa questioned nervously never losing eye contact from the blue eyes infront of her, that held fear Clarke had never held before which confused Lexa even more but somehow she found herself needing to comfort Clarke as their hands still held on to one another. Lexa found her thumb gliding across the back of Clarke's hand for reassurance. Reassurance for what she wasn't sure, but she felt it necessary. Only when Clarke nodded with a still confused expression did Lexa move over to their bed and grab the book and her glasses before turning the page until she found the correct date. She looked at Clarke one last time as she stood infront of her nervously biting on her bottom lip while slipping her glasses on.  
  
"23rd December" Lexa reads looking over the book one more time as Clarke focuses fully on her.

_23rd December_

_Something happened today, I realised something about Clarke, about us._  
_For weeks now I couldn't understand it, couldn't even begin to put how I felt in to words._  
_Yet it's the most real thing I've ever felt in my entire life._  
_I watched her sleep every morning and just in those few minutes,_  
_I would find a thousand things I love about her, things she does to make me smile and memories she helped create I never thought_  
_I would have._  
_Truth is I'm in Love with Clarke Griffin, and I think I have been for sometime._  
_I think that's the reason I've struggled to write about her to the point I ended up tapping my pen against the book, because nothing could explain how this truly feels._  
_She consumes me in away I've never felt, with love and adventure and everyday I would wake with a smile._  
_She doesn't know it yet but, she saved me._  
_She saved me from my dark place that i began to accept as home, she stole me away, but saved my life too, but somewhere in the middle_  
_she showed me a place so different and beautiful, i can never get it out my mind, and i cant get her out of it either._  
  
_The way she looks in my eyes, it scares me, the way she knows just what to say, it scares me._  
_The way  I tell her things I can't even tell myself, that scares me but what scares me the most is I love the way she scares me._  
_I wish i wasn't so nervous all the time, i wish i could just speak like a normal person because despite my fears i want to tell her, i need to tell her because every nerve in my entire body is screaming it when ever she looks at.._

   
  
Before Lexa could even finish Clarke's lips are on her own, silencing her as her diary becomes trapped between their bodies. It took only a second for Lexa to realise what was happening as Clarke cupped her cheek moving her lips against her own, and another second later for Lexa to kiss her back, forgetting the fear she held through out reading as her shaky hands now become steady as she places one hand on Clarke's hip. The soft whimper that Vibrated from Clarke's mouth instantly sent tingles to the tip of Lexa's fingers unable to stop her own whine of approval as Clarke's hand slid in to Lexa's mane gripping the root's gently as she guided her backwards until she hit the bedside cabinet with a thump. Everything felt blurry, from the moment she said I love you, to the moment they raced up the stairs reading the final entry to her diary, to kissing Clarke right now. Her tongue felt cold but her lips were eager capturing Lexa's bottom lip between her's with a occasional nibble while holding her body as close as she could against the brunettes. Lexa questioned if it was possible to forget everything going on around you from a simple kiss as her skin burned with desire, wishing, hoping Clarke would never stop. The girl she fell in love with was kissing her making her fears feel even sillier as Clarke grinds her hip desperately against Lexa allowing another gasp to escape the blonde's beautiful lips as she breaths breathlessly, but Lexa isn't ready to stop yet. She captures Clarke's lips once more forgetting the book between them and letting go to place it at the back of Clarke's neck, keeping her close as she explores the taste of Clarke's tongue while her hand subconsciously begins moving from her hip to Clarke's bum.  
  
"Um" Clarke hums parting the kiss with a wide smile but unable to move more than a inch away from Lexa lips. "I love it when you're confident" Clarke husks her eyes dropping to Lexa's lips before capturing her bottom lip between her teeth with a gentle tug. Green eyes couldn't do much, they felt enchanted by the blonde but Clarke had answered her question, you could indeed get lost and forget everything from a simple kiss. "Say it" Clarke ordered gently now biting on her own bottom lip as blue eyes get lost in green, making Lexa look at her nervously.  
  
"Say what?" Lexa questioned stupidly but trying to bite down her nerves once more at a confession she had now made more than once, but she couldn't help the fear that kept seeping through the first time was almost like she couldn't stop it, like it had its own power, own control as it pushed itself up her throat and past her lips not giving her anytime to think on it to be scared. The second was just as easy as she read it word from word stopped her also having time to panic, but now she was bare, raw, no obstacles or camouflage keeping her safe. She felt the blonde shift against her making her fear only increase but Clarke quickly noticed as she places her hand's around Lexa's neck pushing a few fingers in to the back of hair soothingly.  
  
"Do you remember the carnival on Halloween?" Clarke questioned with a smile. "We got on the Ferris wheel together, and I was petrified of the height but you, you were carefree" Clarke said gently remembering Lexa take her hand soothingly. "That was the first time I truly noticed that we're not that different. You wasn't scared but I was, and instead of me making you feel secure you did it for me" Clarke admits. "We are just scared of different things" Clarke continues to play with the back of Lexa's neck hoping she would understand exactly what she was saying. "I think that was the moment I started falling in Love with you" Clarke breaths never breaking eye contact from Green eyes as Lexa's body stiffens at her confession.  
  
"You- You love me?" Lexa questioned studying Clarke more than she ever has.  
  
"I love you" Clarke confirms her smile growing as she watched Lexa's eyes flicker over her face until they land on her lips. "I love you" Clarke says on purpose as Lexa watches the words leave her mouth. Only then did Lexa raise her gaze back in to blue eyes a smile forming on her own lips as she takes a deep breath.  
  
"I love you two" Lexa admits while holding Clarke even tighter in her arms to scared to let go incase this was all a dream. The smile that formed on Clarke's lips said otherwise, and Lexa's was soon copying her girlfriend as she bit on her bottom lip nervously until Clarke brought their lips together once more. Everything about the kiss was different, it was slow, certain and it exchanged those three words silently.  
  
"Umm Lex?" Clarke whispered resting her forehead against the girl she loved.  
  
"Umm" Lexa hummed  
  
"when will you write in your diary again?" Clarke questioned with a grin.  
  
"I'm not sure" Lexa said confused. "Why?"  
  
"Because I want to read what you write about the sex" Clarke laughs kissing her girlfriend once more as she teasingly backs away to her bedroom door "Come on everyone's waiting" Clarke grinned leading the way down the stairs before taking Lexa's hand in her own as they enter the living room where the family wait.  
  
"Lexa" Anya says immediately as the girls return back to their original seating.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Did Clarke touch your elf?" Anya smirked wiggling her eye brows before laughing.  
  
"I hate her too" Lexa whispers to her girlfriend trying to hide the bright shade of red from the laughing family.  
  
\---  
  
Christmas with the Griffins was a experience Lexa was sure she would never forget. It wasn't because Jake made them all wear Santa hats, or how Indra and Abby would argue the best way to stuff the turkey with sharp knifes in their hands as if it was completely normal, it wasn't the way Anya continued to be funny with puns or smart comments, it wasn't even the way Clarke's eyes lit up every time she tore open another present as if she was seven years old who got the doll she always dreamt about. It was the way Clarke's eyes followed her everywhere with that spark clearer than ever, it was the way Clarke touched her when ever she brushed past with a gentle kiss to the cheek, head or lips before she continued what ever it was she was doing, it was the way Clarke whispered 'I love you' in her ear before kissing her lips gently as they passed one another in the hall to the bathroom, it was the way the family all choose to sit outside on the garden furniture as the night drew to a end with the log burner keeping them warm along with Blankets wrapped firmly around them. It was the way Clarke didn't hesitate in pulling Lexa between her legs on the garden sofa as she fiddled with the ends of her brown locks  while she rested on her chest as she laughed along with her family to something Lexa was to lost in Clarke to hear.  
  
"I bet you can't" Anya argues turning fully in her seat to face her blonde cousin. Clarke just grins in Lexa's neck succeeding in winding her cousin up, knowing its far to easy.  
  
"Name it" Clarke says confidently distracted already as she plays with Lexa's hands beneath the blanket as Lexa turns her head to the side to look at the blonde.  
  
"If I win you aren't allowed to kiss Lexa all night" Anya smirks devilishly.  
  
"What?" Lexa questioned confused at what the two girls are actually betting.  
  
"Anya thinks she knows more animal puns than me" Clarke laughs "She thinks she's quicker"  
  
"No thinking about it, I know" Anya smirks "Your girlfriend here is to pussy to put her money where her mouth is"  
  
"We're not betting money" Clarke deadpans.  
  
"Well what ever, Lexa's lips. What's up Clarke scared to lose?" Anya pushes.  
  
"Hardly" Clarke mumbles placing her feet against Lexa's cold ones. "You cold?" Clarke whispers in the brunettes ear as she nuzzles even closer to her girlfriend enjoying the feeling of Lexa laying between her legs and against her chest, everything about it was comfortable and cosy, and quiet honestly Clarke was dreading the moment she would have to move back inside the house. The nod of Lexa's head had Clarke instantly snaking her hands tighter around Lexa before gliding her thumb against Lexa's hip bone. "If I win you sleep on the couch"  
  
"We're on the couch" Gustus points out  
  
"Floor then in the living room"  
  
"Deal!" Anya quickly says confidently swinging her legs on the floor to face her soon to be loser cousin. "This arguing is becoming unbearable" Anya grins proudly making Clarke roll her eyes and laugh.  
  
"That's the SEALIEST thing I've ever heard"  
  
"I find this AMOOSING" Anya giggled to that one along with her dad.  
  
"Your animal puns QUACK ME UP!" Clarke says immediately with out hesitation to distracted with Lexa to truly focus having the aim only to beat Anya so her and Lexa would sleep alone, and that was more motivation that she would ever need.  
  
"Good one" Jake admits before swigging on his beer and looking to his wife proudly.  
  
"Don't make me PUMA PANTS" Anya says quickly, having her dad nod proudly.  
  
"Anya's got it in the bag" Gustus says proudly to his brother with a wide grin.  
  
"Come on Clarke" Jake encourages laughing.  
  
"HAWKWARD" Clarke laughs looking to her parents then back to her cousin making the entire family laugh even Lexa.  
  
"TOADALY" Anya agrees before high fiving her dad. "But my dads right" Anya smirks  
  
"ALPACA your things" Clarke winks at her cousin before turning to focus on the brunette giggling in her arms. "What you laughing at?" she whispers with a playful smile.  
  
"Nothing" Lexa smiles squeezing Clarke's hand from beneath the blanket. "I'm rooting for you" She whispers quietly making Clarke beam more as she turns back to her cousin trying to think quickly and that's when Clarke knew she had her.  
  
"Are you SQUIDING me right now" Anya says quickly already becoming lost in her own thoughts as she tries to think of another.  
  
"Your KOALAFICATIONS are completely IRRELEPHANT right now" Clarke smirks with her double pun.  
  
"Fuck you" Anya snarls pushing back in her chair.  
  
"Oh and Clarke wins" Jake cheers with laugher along with his brother.  
  
"Looks like you're on the floor" Clarke says proudly biting on her bottom lip as she turns to face her girlfriend, suddenly feeling completely fine about leaving this spot.  
  
"see what you have to look forward too" Abby says looking to Lexa.  
  
"Hey you're still with me are you not?" Jake says smugly placing his arm around his wife. "Anyway what's this I hear, apparently you can sing" Jake says turning to his daughters girlfriend who all of a sudden looked awkward at the mention of singing   
  
"Um- just a little" Lexa says awkwardly "I'm not very good"  
  
"She is" Clarke quickly corrects while having Abby nodding along.  
  
"Well I would very much love to hear you" He admits playing with his wives hand like Lexa was playing with Clarkes in the warmth of their blanket.  
  
"I- UM I don't think so" Lexa tries to decline without being rude shaking her head as her body stiffens on Clarke.  
  
"Can I ask why?" Jake questions carefully as he noticed Lexa's discomfort.  
  
"I get stage fright" Lexa admits "I'm really not that good" Lexa smiles weakly but feeling the tight squeeze of Clarke's hand against hers as she tries to help Lexa relax once more.  
  
"That's a shame" He says sadly while he looks like his in thought. "One moment" he says before getting up and walking in the house and returning a few moments later clutching Lexa's new guitar and another small gift wrapped perfectly.  
  
"May I?" Jake questioned clutching the guitar to his stomach as he places a seat beside his wife once more with the wrapped present on the arm on the chair. She nodded instantly watching him play with the strings while tuning it correctly. Once he was done he placed the end of it on his knee while his arm came around the instrument resting near the strings. "Your mum was right music is one of the strongest forms of magic" he confirms looking at the inscription. "Lets see what magic we can do" he grins pulling his fingers across the strings to make a melody. "Mind you, my singing is dreadful don't judge" He laughs "Lets do a song we all know. How about a bit of kings of Leon?" He questioned looking around his family who seem to nod in acknowledgement. "Someone like you it is" He smiles now looking at the strings as he begins to play the familiar tune.  
  
" _I've been roaming around always looking down in all I see" Jake starts with a wide grin while tapping his foot to the beat.  
  
"Painted faces fill the places, I cant reach" _ The family all sing in sync startling Lexa but causing her to look around to the confident family. "You know that I could use somebody, you know that I could use somebody" They continue to sing while Jake looks at Lexa with a gentle nod of encouragement to join in.  
  
" _Someone like you and all you know, and how you speak, countless lovers undercover of the street_ " Lexa joins shyly but thankful the family's singing hides her voice to be singled out, and with the gentle squeeze of Clarke's hand and curled smile Lexa slowly relaxed more singing more confidently along with the rest of the family until her smile grows widely at how ridiculous they must all look, but how fun it is at the same time. Jake gives the rest of the family a knowing look as the song continues to play so when the singing begins, Lexa is singing alone. Her voice is beautiful and confident until she realises everyone is watching her and no longer singing, causing her to stutter a few words until jake gives her a reassuring nod and a gentle smile.  
  
"I've been roaming around, always looking down at all I see" Lexa sings finishing the song. The moment the song finishes Clarke nuzzles in to her neck tighter kissing her gently as the rest of the family clap and beam with bright smiles complimenting her with her talents.  
  
"I guess your mum was right" Jake smiles  placing the guitar aside. "Music is a form of magic" He agrees "You're voice is beautiful" He admits.  
  
"Thank you" Lexa says shyly blushing a shade of pink not quite use to the attention.  
  
"But last but not least" Jake grins picking up the present he had placed beside him "Me and Abby got you one more gift" He admits handing over the small box. Lexa wasn't sure what to say, or what to do. She felt awkward earlier opening presents infront of people and thanking them, it was something she wasn't use to and something she wasn't sure she ever would, but the griffins had already got her more than enough.  
  
"You already got me to much" Lexa shakes her head feeling her palms sweat  
  
"Nonsense" Jake says "Open it, before Clarke burst and opens it first" He laughs knowing his daughter had a weakness for wrapped gifts. The unknown she would call it, and she hated that.  
  
"Ok" Lexa says slowly pulling the neatly wrapped bow from the top before pulling the lid of the box of, revealing a key.  
  
"You deserve your own Car" Abby says softly leaning forward and placing her hand on her husbands knee.  
  
If Lexa didn't know what to say before, she certainty didn't have a clue now as she looked to the key then to her foster parents who were already laughing at Lexa's bopping mouth.  
  
"No way" Clarke gasped biting her lip in excitement.  
  
"I Think that look is thanks' enough" Jake grinned turning to his wife as Lexa's face seemed frozen in shock.  
  
"Dude! Foster me!" Anya pleaded causing the family to laugh.  
  
"this is to much" Lexa stuttered unable to accept something worth so much.  
  
"Nonsense" Jake laughed. "Clarke has one. You will be treated equal. The car is the same only yours is a black Golf"  
  
"Thank you" Lexa finally breaths having no other words worthy of even beginning to express how thankful she truly was.  
  
"You are very welcome" Jake smiles "Go on, I know your both itching to check it out" he shoos with a laugh as Clarke is already bouncing up pulling Lexa with her.  
  
\---  
  
  
It was almost midnight when Clarke and Lexa finally made a escape to their bedroom, exhausted from the long day with the new Confessions of their love. Yet the moment the door Closed and they collapsed in to bed neither girl was tired despite nearly falling asleep in the garden. They gazed at one another in the moonlight lit room, as their bodies melted in to one and without even saying a word their lips collided in the softest, sweetest of ways, like they had savoured it for this very moment. Their kiss spoke volumes with all the things they had yet to say and both understood. Their bodies collided in everyway possible as they closed every gab that was once available, while Clarke's confident hands trail Lexa's perfect abs itching to dig her finger nails in Lexa's tanned skin.   
  
"God" Clarke breaths coating Lexa's neck in sloppy wet, desperate kisses as Lexa's skin burns against her own. "I want you" Clarke pleads "You drive me crazy" Clarke grits feeling her body rock in to Lexa's eagerly biting back the urge to sink her teeth in to brown skin, but oh how she has the urge. "It's not that I'm horny all the time, it's just that you're so god dam sexy" Clarke whispers brushing her hand over Lexa's covered breast squeezing it gently as the brunette whimpers and rocks her body beneath. Clarke loses what was left of herself as the brunettes lips part, her eyes close while whimpering as Clarke teases her inner thigh while she make's her mark on Lexa's collar bone.  
  
"Clarke" Lexa breaths burying her hand subconsciously in Clarke's hair gripping it tightly as she brings her to her lips letting them collide together in a rhythm they both knew so well, their tongues fighting for dominance that Clarke quickly wins as she rocks in to Lexa's body once more earning another throaty moan, and Clarke swears she will never get bored of hearing it. "Clarke" Lexa breaths once more this time breathless as she cups the blondes cheek, nervousness slowly creeping in green eyes.   
  
"Can I touch you?" Lexa questioned nervously still struggling to steady her breathing even after the blonde nods.  
  
"You don't have to ask" Clarke whispers kissing Lexa once more until Lexa turns them over leaving Clarke Beneath starring up at a extremely nervous brunette.  
  
The silence lingered between both girls as Clarke watched her nervous girlfriend eye her naked body as her breathing increased.  
  
"Hey" Clarke whispered cupping the brunette to sooth her. "You don't have to."  
  
"What if I'm terrible" Lexa says nervously her eyes drawing down before looking at the blonde once more. "I don't know what I'm doing" Lexa stuttered shaking her head as she raised her body from Clarke's until she was resting on her knees able to see Clarke's pale skin laying out across the bed more clearly. "I want to. I do" Lexa mumbled her eyes already trailing Clarke's curves and pale skin.  
  
"And you think I knew what I was doing?" Clarke questioned amusingly as she sits up and holds her nervous girlfriend. "You are the only woman I've ever slept with, and the only person I've actually ever wanted to impress" Clarke confessed. "I got nervous, but I trusted you, and if I was rubbish then we could work on it, and trust me I am more than happy to work on it" Clarke smiles widely dropping her eyes down to Lexa's body playfully as she wiggles her brows making Lexa smile. "Actually even if you're good I'm more than happy to tell you you're terrible" Clarke smirks "Practice makes perfect" She smiles placing her lips on Lexa's. "But if you don't feel ready, then we can wait" Clarke says more seriously looking deep In to green. When Lexa's lips push firmly against Clarke's guiding her body back till the blondes head was back on the pillow Clarke already had her answer.  
  
"I want to taste you" Lexa admitted threw kisses as her shaky hand trailed down to Clarke's hip. The words send a shiver down Clarke's spine and the familiar drop in her stomach tossed and turned as Lexa's thumb came in to contact with her hipbone. Her body moved freely beneath Lexa pushing more in to the kisses she trailed them down her neck and across her collar bone, but after a minute Clarke noticed Lexa didn't stray from her neck, and her hands never wondered across her body only to her hip.  
  
"Lex" Clarke whispered causing the brunette to stop sucking on Clarke's pulse point. "You can touch me" She says softly taking Lexa's hand in her own and guiding it across her body, feeling her hips, her stomach, her chest until finally they land on her breast only then does Clarke remove her own hand allowing Lexa to now guide herself. "I'm yours" she confesses bringing their lips together once more and in only seconds Clarke can feel how much Lexa is hers as her tongue hungrily dominates the blonde squeezing Clarke's breast desperately like she had been aching to do so for sometime but to worried to take control. Thankfully Lexa got the hint and had no trouble worshipping the blondes body in kisses, licks and sucks until Clarke's moans were continuous and pleading while unable to keep her body still as her own hands get tangled in her own blonde locks.  
  
"babe" Clarke moaned her hand shooting down to Lexa's mane gripping it gently as she is just above her sensitive nerve.  
  
"Is this ok?" Lexa questioned bending Clarke's leg at the knee as she traces kisses down her pubic bone.  
  
"Yes" Clarke almost screams, her breath shakier than ever as her hands move to grip the sheet beneath her waiting and ready.  
  
"What about this?" Lexa questioned placing kisses on Clarke's inner thigh only making her legs open with want, need.  
  
"Yes! Lex" Clarke cries out bucking her hips feeling the warm breath of Lexa's mouth so close.  
  
"and this?" Lexa questions and Clarke almost moans at the sound of her voice changing more confident, that is until Lexa's tongue brushes against her clit teasingly.  
  
"God!" Clarke moans "Yes! YES" Clarke confirms even more eagerly as Lexa smiles cheekily at the blonde with her head pushed back against the pillow.  
  
"I love you Clarke" Lexa breaths unable to stop herself at the sight of the blonde, she needed to say it just once before she begins, incase she is terrible, incase Clarke needed to know, but more importantly because Lexa wanted her to know.  
  
"I love you two" Clarke breaths opening her eyes to look down at her girlfriend laying comfortably between her soaking wet centre.  
  
After that everything went dark for Clarke as her eyes clamped shut at the feel of Lexa's tongue sliding in to her centre. She couldn't control her body, couldn't control her moans, couldn't even control the way her hand gripped the bed sheets till her knuckled turned white as she pleaded Lexa not to stop what ever she was doing, because Lexa was hitting the spot repeatedly. The more Clarke quietly moaned in their empty bedroom the more it pushed Lexa's confident as she slowly trailed her hand up Clarke's body feeling her muscles all tightened as her tongue dug deeper moving faster feeling the slick wetness dripping down her chin.  
  
"Oh. My. God" Clarke gasped aloud covering one hand over her face as her eyes feel ready to roll to the back of her head.. "Fuck" She whined feeling Lexa deeper while her walls clenched tighter and tighter, only when Lexa's other hand started circling Clarke's clit did Clarke fall completely over the edge, screaming out Lexa's name as her hips bucked so rapidly of the bed in to Lexa the brunette grinned and held her down before losing her tongue in her one more letting her ride it out until it became to sensitive.  
She smothered Clarke's body in kisses across her rip's across her breast until she found the crook of Clarke's neck with her chest still heaving. Instantly Clarke's hands wrapped around the brunette capturing Lexa in a lingering breathless kiss, still spent from her recent orgasm.  
  
"Oh my god" Clarke repeats this time less of a moan and more of a praise making Lexa giggle before biting her bottom lip at the sight of Clarke.  
  
"Maybe I wasn't that bad after all" Lexa says cheekily brushing blonde hair away from blue eyes.  
  
"Maybe?" Clarke laughed "Babe.. you were terrible. I think we should try again" She smirks before tossing the laughing brunette beneath her. "God you're beautiful" Clarke breaths ready to surrender to Lexa's body, Lexa's control and Lexa's love.  
  
\--  
  
Everything about the following week was perfect. From the way no alarm woke them announcing school and unwillingly pulling them apart, from the way blue eyes would catch Lexa watching her sleep as she flickered her own eyes open, to the way Lexa slowly advanced to trailing morning kisses down Clarke's naked body with a husky 'morning' whisper. From the way Clarke loved to tiggle Lexa's rips until she pleaded for her to stop between laugher,  to the way Clarke confessed her love countless times to her girlfriend where Lexa was more reserved so when she said it Clarke lit up just knowing how much it truly means. Even from the way every night they made love learning something new about one another while feeling Lexa's confidence grow each time.  
  
"Please come" Clarke pleaded playing with collar to Lexa's checked shirt. "Who will I kiss?" Clarke questioned with a pout which Lexa kissed away.  
  
"I really have to finish my essay" Lexa admits holding her girlfriends hips.  
  
"Finish it another day" Clarke whines snaking her arms across Lexa's shoulders and around her neck making Lexa laugh.  
  
"I can't. School starts again and I have to hand it in straight away because I'm of to Thailand in the same week"  
  
"Please!" Clarke pleads unable to give in. The though of Lexa sitting at home doing homework, while she's out at a party celebrating New years eve doesn't sit well with her.  "ill have no one to kiss in to the new year"  
  
"You can kiss someone" Lexa says softly.  
  
"What?" Clarke furrows her brows confused with a look to say you did not just say that, but the simple shrug Lexa gave told her she wasn't hearing things.  
  
"It's just a peck" Lexa says "It's not a proper kiss"  
  
"hell no" Clarke says immediately "I don't care if its a New years peck, or a small kiss you're not allowed to kiss anyone, you know that right? Like ever again!" Clarke says more enthusiastically making Lexa laugh.  "I'm not kidding" Clarke defends "These lips may be on you, but there mine" Clarke says capturing Lexa's lips again and again.  
  
"I know" Lexa couldn't help but grin like she was a six year old who got the candy. "I'm just saying. I trust you" Lexa confesses for the first time, because she did, she knew in the way Clarke watched her, in the way they had rolled around beneath the sheets for days and Clarke still asked what she was doing was ok, it was the way Clarke repeated I love you more than necessary in one day because the words still didn't quite do justice for how she felt and Lexa knew the feeling also.  
  
"I trust you to" Clarke whispers against her girlfriends lips "Mine" she grinned capturing Lexa's plump lips against her own with a sigh of relieve before tugging it between her teeth. "I'm going to miss you" Clarke whined resting her forhead against her girlfriends and as sad as it may sound Clarke was truly gutted Lexa wouldn't be coming.  
  
"Text me" Lexa says softly leaning against her car door as she nudges Clarke to go.  
  
"oh I intend on harassing you" Clarke smirks proudly backing away with a teasing look. "I Love you" Clarke shouts in to the darkened night before she turns and heads in to Octavia's house Leaving Lexa staring down the path her girlfriend once stood with the goofiest smile on her face.  
  
\--  
  
She couldn't help that her mind was consumed by the brunette at home, instead of the party that was going on. She couldn't help the way she leaned against the kitchen counter smiling in to her cup as she imagined Lexa snuggled up in their bed with the laptop screen infront of her while her glasses balanced perfectly on her nose. She couldn't help how she was moping around while everyone else seemed thrilled and excited to welcome the new year. It had been a little over two hours and Clarke had yet to dance, yet to join in a game or even truly get lost in the alcohol, instead she was torn between texting Lexa now or waiting so she didn't look so desperate, but she was so desperate too.  
  
"You look like a dog who lost its bone" Octavia bounced leaning over the kitchen counter to grab another drink. "Lost your favourite toy?" she questioned with a smirk.  
  
"Something like that" Clarke whines placing her empty cup on the side. "Lexa's at home"  
  
"I kind of got that with the thing you have going on with your face" Octavia laughed taking a chug of her own beer.  
  
"Nothing going on with my face" Clarke frowned touching her cheek.  
  
"Please. You look like something I drew with my left hand"  
  
"Why thank you Octavia, you can be so kind sometimes" Sarcasm seeping threw every word as the blonde rolls her eyes.  
  
"Don't thank me for insulting you, it was a pleasure"  
  
"Remind me again why we're friends?"  
  
"Because we're to lazy to find new ones"  
  
"Ah remind me to get more active"  
  
"Will do" Octavia nods "When I can be bothered" She laughs.  
  
"Dam girl did you sit on a pile of sugar, because you have a sweet ass" A boy whistled from beside the blonde eyeing her with his drunken eyes evidently thinking everything that made Clarke want to slap him.  
  
"The only piece of ass you will be seeing is when your hand slips through your toilet paper." Octavia quickly says shoving the boy away from the blonde "get lost dirt bag!"  
  
"Who was that?" Clarke questioned  
  
"Don't ask me, I swear people just show up." Octavia shrugged "come on lets get fucked" Octavia announced ignoring Clarke's objection as she leads her to the shots.  
  
\--  
  
Lexa had been rereading her essay over and over again in hope the next paragraph would just come to her and flow out her mouth so she could type it in, but it never did. Instead she repeated the same words repeatedly until she knew the sentence by heart as frustrations were beginning to get the better of her. It didn't help that she was sitting in the room with all the new memories that made her smile as blue eyes and finger tips would trace her skin soothingly, it also didn't help that her new guitar was resting again the wall practically screaming at her to take a break and have a play. Yet what captured her attention the most was her phone lighting up against the bed sheets with a new message.  
  
**Clarke : I should warn you, I'm about to drunk text. x  
  
** The message alone brought a bright smile to the brunette's lips as she pulled the blanket up against her mouth, like she was hiding the happiness Clarke brought to her from a few simple words.  
  
**Lexa: Should I be worried? x  
  
Clarke : the thought of you touching me gives me goose bumps  
  
Clarke : do you have your glasses on?  
  
** She had never text Clarke like this before and she wasn't entirely sure how she should respond, the blonde was drunk she had no doubt as Clarke would always make sure Lexa was comfortable with anything she did, but Clarke speaking to her in a more seductive kind of way confessing her inner most private thoughts.  
  
**Lexa : I do x  
  
Clarke : Is it sad that I'm imagining you with your glasses on in our bed? I cant stop thinking about you.  
  
Lexa : I can't stop thinking about you either x  
  
Clarke : Come and pick me up x  
  
Lexa : It hasn't even entered the new year yet?  
  
Clarke : I don't care. I need to see you.  
  
Lexa : ok, i'll just get ready  
  
Clarke: please don't do that. Just come now x  
  
Lexa : Ok x  
  
  
** It took Twenty minutes for Lexa to arrive outside Octavia's house to a already waiting Clarke stumbling against a tree as she wrapped herself in her leather jacket. However the second Clarke noticed Lexa’s car she bolted towards the passenger side jumping in the seat beside Lexa, immediately she noticed the red blood shot eyes due to the alcohol taking its effect.  
  
"Hi" Clarke hummed leaning across the middle to connect her lips with Lexa's.  
  
"Hi" Lexa hummed closing her eyes as she taste the Sambuca on the tip of Clarke's lips. "Are you ok?" Lexa questioned feeling Clarke's hand already reach over and bury in Lexa's hair.  
  
"More than" Clarke hummed shifting her body from her seat until she was climbing over Lexa's body straddling her lap. "Now I get my new Years kiss" Clarke smirks like she had planned it the whole time, which only made Lexa laugh.  
  
"5 minutes Left" Lexa says after looking at the time.  
  
"We can start early" Clarke breaths already capturing Lexa's lips in gentle touches.  
  
"Did you plan this all along?" Lexa has to ask as the tilt in her lips turn up.  
  
"Maybe" Clarke admits mischievously just before deepening the kiss until she could taste every inch of Lexa's mouth. Every time Clarke loses control as her body begins rocking in to Lexa's on its own accord, but this time Clarke seems different, more out of control than usual as her gentle touches become more rough and desperate with moans and whimpers continuously bursting through her lips as she marvelled herself in Lexa's warm beautiful body. The cheers that welcomed the new year in went ignored and unheard in the brunettes car as Clarke begs Lexa silently to never stop touching her, to never stop kissing her and so Lexa obliges allowing her hands to fumble down Clarke's chest squeezing her breast more roughly how Clarke craves.  
  
"Lex" Clarke husky nipping on Lexa's ear lope. "Take me home." She pleads her hands scrapping down Lexa's abs "Take me home and tease me till I'm begging"    
  
Lexa was sure Clarke could hear the sound of her harsh swallow along with her heart beating rapidly against her rips. If it wasn't the words that had her freezing, it was the way Clarke said it, so desperate, and needing for her, and her only. The way blue eyes turned black when she gazed in to green eyes once more had Lexa nodding in agreement before kissing her girlfriend once more before heading home to do exactly what Clarke had asked. She begged, she pleaded and she cried out her whimpers until she was a withering mess on the bed clutching Lexa in anyway she could as her breathing struggled to calm with every new touch Lexa gave before both exchanging I love yous as they held one another messily.  
  
\---  
  
"Come on then squirt time to go" Jake announced popping his head in the girls room "We need to leave now or you will miss the flight"  
  
"Ok" Lexa acknowledges before turning back to her sad girlfriend "It's just a week" Lexa says gently trying to reassure her girlfriend but Lexa's eyes betrayed her as her fears came to life. What if Clarke realised she didn't need Lexa in them seven days, what if Lexa came back and Clarke had found someone else,  I mean they were only starting out and it was early days it could happen.  
  
"I Know" Clarke huffs. "I'm going to miss you far to much"  
  
"You sure you won't come to the airport with me?" Lexa questioned hopeful  
  
"I don't think ill be able to watch you go" Clarke admits "ill be waiting in the terminal for you when you get back" Clarke assures.  
  
"I love you" Lexa says nervously resting her forehead against the blondes.  
  
"I love you more" Clarke smiles pecking Lexa's lips. "Now go" Clarke says sadly pushing the brunette towards the door "Before my dad murders you" she laughs  
  
"Ok" Lexa says equally as sad.  
  
"Lex" Clarke says one last time making the brunette turn.  "Enjoy it" Clarke says proudly "I'm proud of you for doing this, they are lucky to have you" Clarke admits with a gentle smile.  
  
"I'll try" Lexa breaths lingering a moment longer to catch every inch of beauty from her girlfriend "See ya" she whispers before disappearing down the hall.  
  
Clarke listens from her room at the stumbling around downstairs, the quiet goodbyes that Abby and Lexa exchange until she hears the front door opening and closing and all she is left with is silence. She has been dreading this day from the moment she knew she wasn't going, saying goodbye to Lexa was one of the hardest things she has ever built herself up to do even if it was for only a week. She slummed back on the bed ready to fall back in to a deep sleep as she snuggled in to the pillow that held Lexa's wonderful scent. She never gripped something so tight, as she fell asleep feeling like something was missing.  
  
\--  
  
"Clarke" She heard feeling her body being shaken away "Clarke wake up" Abby says once more panicked causing the blonde to sit up as her eyes struggle to adjust to the light.  
  
"Mum?" She questioned confused looking towards the window still seeing the skies dark.  
  
"Get changed" Abby ordered panicked as she stood to her feet her eyes unfocused as she scanned the room.  
  
"What's wrong?" Clarke questioned firmly and a hint of panic as the sight of her mum.  
  
"It's your dad and Lexa" Abby's rushed "They have been in a accident"   
  
  
**Well I think shit just happened? :O Let me know your thoughts! :)  
**

 

  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back again! 
> 
> Thank you for all your kind words, kudos and hits! As always love reading what you all have to say,  
> So have at it will you :D


	26. Chapter 26

**Lost and Insecure!  
**

  
_"They have been in a accident"_  
  
The words kept repeating over and over again until her ears were ringing and couldn't see straight. This couldn't be true, Lexa and her dad are fine. This was just a huge misunderstanding because Lexa would be boarding her plane right now ready to spend the week in Thailand. This just couldn't be right. Yet somehow Clarke's feet had carried her just as quickly to the car as Abby with a death grip on the door handle. She wasn't sure if it was normal to be silent, if she should be worried even more that her mom didn't speak either as she drove threw the empty roads. She was picturing Lexa's smiling lips and bright green eyes as they said goodbye only hours ago. This had to be a mistake, because her girlfriend was perfectly fine only hours ago and her dad was always such a careful driver. Her eyes clamped shut as she pushed the thoughts of her girlfriend and dad injured in someway or even worse. It did nothing to stop the new image of blood trickling down their faces, their car smashed to pieces and their desperate cries for help as the rain poured heavily from the sky. The splatters of the rain against the window became the most interesting thing in the world to Clarke while every droplet splattered in to a small circle she then watched it slowly trickle down the windscreen as the lights around them blurred out behind the watery mess.  
  
"It's raining" She stated pushing her fingers against the window like she could feel the rain drops against her fingertips.   
  
"Clarke" Abby said softly watching her daughter focus on the world outside the car "Honey" she tired once more this time placing her hand against her daughters knee until the blonde turned to face her "breathe" Abby instructed after studying her daughter for a moment. "Everything will be ok"   
  
The words instantly left a sickening feeling in Clarke's core. She knew the words were meant to be something to hold on to, were meant to be reassurance, they were meant for comforting words until they reached the hospital but Clarke took them as anything but comfort. Abby's face gave it away with her now pale face and fearful eyes. The same fear she was sure she held in her own blue eyes after being told despite her refusing to believe this was happening.  
  
As they arrived at the hospital all of the blondes senses came to life as the sound of sirens echoed threw the night sky, the doctors rushing patients threw the doors of the emergency room and the rapid splatter of the rain against her own skin. In that moment Clarke's eyes opened, her heart thudded and her feet had never carried themselves so quickly and desperately in to a building before as the realisation hit her, that this was actually happening.  
  
"Dr Griffin" Harper says quickly not giving the Clarke or Abby anytime to approach the front desk.  
  
"Harper" Abby says quickly approaching the young doctor. "What's happening?" She questioned urgently.  
  
"Dr Griffin, maybe we should speak somewhere more privately" She suggest about to guide them to a small private room.  
  
"Please just tell us" Clarke speaks out pleadingly as she reached down and grips her moms hand not wanting to waste anymore time. "Please"  
  
The nod of Abby's head give's Harper the go ahead as they remain standing in the middle of the emergency room.  
  
"ok" Harper says sympathetically. "Jake's femoral artery has been severed" Harper admits knowing she wouldn't need to go in to detail as Abby would understand exactly what this means. "He was taken to theatre immediately, but he has lost a lot of blood"  
  
"Who's operating?" Abby instantly says more frantic "I should be down there" She says ready to stand up and fight against any doctor willing to stop her.  
  
"Dr Griffin" Harper says standing beside her placing her hand on her shoulder with a gentle squeeze. "Abby, I assure you he is in the best hands, Jaha is the surgeon."  
  
"and Lexa?" Clarke questioned desperately. "She was in the car with him." she stated wiping the tears shredding down her face.  
  
"She is in a stable position" Harper smiles proudly. "She may have just saved your dads life" She admits looking between Abby and Clarke. "She was very brave, she has a concussion but unfortunately a shard of glass did pierce her stomach but luckily it missed all major organs" She admits. "However it did result in 15 stitches."  
  
"Can we see her?" Clarke questioned eagerly still gripping her moms hand out of fear and relief.  
  
"You can, she is in room 105 she is sleeping right now"  
  
"Thank you" Clarke says standing along with her mum.  
  
"Thank you" Abby repeats with a gentle smile to her colleague.  
  
"You're welcome" she smiled.  
  
\--  
  
Nothing really ever made Clarke freeze, nothing really ever made her stand still unable to take another breath, unable to think properly or even take one more step. She didn't even make it in to room 105 before she froze with all the oxygen being stolen from her lungs. She paused but her eyes did not as they trailed Lexa's sleeping face before jumping to the doctor who was leaving the room with Lexa's bloody clothes, the clothes Lexa was only wearing hours ago. As the door closed shut once more her breathing returned her breath more shakily as the reality of the situation began to settle. She didn't realise her whole body was shaking till she felt her moms arms wrap around her.  
  
"Mom" She whispered unable to speak any louder or say anything else.  
  
"Shh" Abby hummed "It's ok" She whispered kissing the top of her daughters head as she gripped on more tightly. "Everything will be ok"  
  
"Will it?" She questioned the image of Lexa's cut and bruised face making her think other wise, everything was not ok, this was not ok. As Abby exhaled a breath she placed both hands on Clarke's forearms pulling back to look her daughter in the eye. Her tears were evident just as much as the fear she held for her husband life.  
  
"Lexa will be" Abby reassured with a soft gentle smile "and right now she needs you to go in there and tell her you're here, and tell her you love her" Abby admitted squeezing her forearms gently "I'll give you a minute ok, I'm going to ring Gustus and find out how it's going in the operating room" Clarke found herself nodding to Abby still struggling to allow this to sink in, it was like she was in denial although they were already caught up in the middle. "I love you mom" Clarke whispered wrapping her arms around Abby's shoulders.  
  
"I love you two honey. Now go" She demanded softly pushing Clarke towards Lexa's room.  
  
  
\--  
  
As she stood by Lexa's bed, she could feel her heart ache. She didn't no where to touch and where not to scared to hurt Lexa more than she already was. She wanted to take her hand in her own, but her palms were just as cut up as her face. She couldn't stop the tear that shed as she pictured what Lexa and her dad went threw.  
"Hey you" She whispers sniffing away her tears as she tries to smile "I'm here" she mumbles threw the lump in her throat. "I'm here Lex" she repeats finally placing a shaking hand around the outline of the brunettes hair before placing a lingering kiss on the top of her head.  
Clarke pulled the chair closer to the bed so she could sit closer to her injured girlfriend but as she took a seat her tears fell silently as her eyes continued to trail the cuts and bruises, she cried out of fear, she cried for the possibility of what could have happened, and she cried out of fear for her dads life. She cried because the impossibly actually happened and she had never been more scared in her entire life, and still was.  
  
She wasn't sure how long she had been sitting their playing with Lexa's baby finger creating her own imaginary events that occurred during the accident, trying to explain how all of Lexa's injuries happened and how her dad was now in surgery fighting for his life, but she knew no matter what way she pictured it, no matter what way she thought it could have happened, each time it left a sickening feeling in her stomach and each time she tried to shake it from her mind but looking at Lexa all broken that's all she could think about as she gritted her teeth. A hand being placed on her back gentle knocked her from her thoughts, she didn't even realise anyone had come in the room.  
  
"Hey" Anya say softly kneeling down beside her cousin while also looking over to the sleeping brunette. "How's she holding up?" Anya questioned eyeing Lexa's injuries.  
  
"The doctor said she should be fine" Clarke spoke feeling her voice smaller than ever. "Look at her An" she says brokenly. "How can this happen" She whimpers shaking her head.  
  
"Hey" Anya says soothingly gripping Clarke's hand with her own with a gentle squeeze. "She's going to be ok, ok? That's the important thing"  
  
"Yeah" Clarke nods still playing with Lexa's baby finger. "You're right"  
  
"Of course I am" Anya smiles standing to her feet and walking around the opposite side of the bed. "I was also right that Lexa's a secret drama queen" Anya smirks leaning over Lexa slightly. "Isn't that right Legs? Huh?" She questioned waiting a second before she spoke again. "Told you" She said smugly as Clarke smiles for the first time as her cousin, no matter the situation Anya always makes it lighter.  
  
"What this I hear you're like a hero now?" Anya questioned moving Lexa's hair further back away from her face. "I hear you crawled out the smashed up car despite being injured" She smiled proudly "How bad ass are you right now?"  
  
"What?" Clarke questioned looking to her cousin. "How do you know what happened?" She asked confused.  
  
"You're mom was speaking to the police, and another doctor" Anya admits. "Lexa was the one to call a ambulance. She was also found out the car and on Jake's side talking to him to keep him awake keeping pressure on his wound.  
  
"What?" Clarke asked shocked sitting forward as she looked to her resting girlfriend, the girl who was always so scared to speak to new people, the one who only felt completely comfortable around the griffins, the one who would never say boo to a ghost. A small proud smile formed as she traced the outline of the brunette's hair once more knowing how much she took comfort in it when ever she was awake.  
  
"Yeah" Anya breathed Seriously. "We should call her bat woman" Anya smirked all seriousness quickly vanished.  
  
"Any news on my dad?" Clarke questioned not daring to look up in fear. Maybe that's why Abby was outside still, unable to reveal the bad news. Maybe that's why anya was in here instead.  
  
"Not yet" Anya says softly noticing the concern. "He stands a fighting chance he got here quickly thanks to Lexa"  
  
"Yeah" Clarke smiled squeezing Lexa's baby finger. "I love you" Clarke finally says.  
  
\--  
  
She wasn't sure how long it had been since she arrived at the hospital but as the sun began to rise threw the windows she guessed it had been a few hours, and Clarke was just as restless as she was when she first arrived. She couldn't sleep, she couldn't even sit still as she paced the room waiting on the brunettes eyes to flicker open, to hear her voice and see those beautiful green eyes. She couldn't relax until she knew the girl she loves wakes, and she knew her dad would be ok. At one point Clarke wanted to wake Lexa, she wanted to shake her and hold her, tell her everything would be ok, and order her never to scare her again. Yet she knew she should rest, she knew that would be selfish for her own needs therefore left her to sleep but seconds have never felt so long in Clarke's life as the clock ticked her legs paced and Lexa slept.  
  
"Clarke" Abby says popping her head threw the door gesturing her to take a step outside, and so she did her heart hammering against her ribs like it did when they first found out. She crossed her arms protectively across her chest gripping her forearms tightly till it hurt, fearing the worst.    
  
"You're dads just came out of surgery" Abby says softly with a gentle smile "the operation went smoothly, he's stable" Abby smiles watching Clarke's eyes relax and a breath of relief leave lips.  
  
"He's going to be ok?" Clarke asked hopeful her eyes searching Abby's  
  
"He is going to be ok" Abby confirmed with a beaming smile that felt like forever since she did. As they wrapped their arms around one another they could both feel the relief flood from one another's body as they held one another up. The worst was over and all they had to do now was wait. Wait for them to recover, wait to take them home.  
  
"I want to kill them myself" Clarke mumbled smiling in to her mothers neck making Abby laugh.  
  
"Me to" She grinned squeezing her daughter tighter. "Let's wait till they heal first" she teased.  
  
"Deal" Clarke smiled still feeling her body become lighter with every passing second. Nothing could explain the emotions Clarke had felt within the last few hours, and she hoped she would never feel it again.  
  
"Come on" Abby says pulling away "Lets stop being silly" she grinned wiping at her own eyes. "You sit with Lexa and ill sit with you're dad, and we will let one another know if anything changes. Deal?" she questioned.  
  
"Ok" Clarke grinned wiping at her own eyes trying to pull herself together. "Tell dad I love him"  
  
"I will" Abby's says gently cupping her daughters face. "Tell Lexa thank you" Abby says sincerely "For everything"  
  
\---  
  
"Do you remember when we went on our first date?" Clarke questioned pushing her bum more on the bed as she looked down at her sleeping girlfriend. "there are no words, that can explain how nervous I was" Clarke grinned at the memory as she gripped the steering wheel like it was her lifeline. "I felt sick and my nerves were just getting the better of me, I was so tempted to turn back around. I was close to as well" Clarke admits guiding her fingers down Lexa's jaw bone. "But you shocked me, you shocked me from the moment I met you, from the moment you kissed me to the moment you sang" she admitted. "You continue to shock me everyday" Clarke breaths leaning down and placing a kiss against Lexa's forehead. "I love you so much" she admits smiling as her girlfriend shifts in her sleep.  
  
"it's funny really" Clarke smiles twisting Lexa's hair between her fingers "When I fell in love with you I knew, from that very moment, but I was scared to tell you, scared it was too soon, I was just scared you wouldn't feel it back" Clarke breaths. "but as time changes, I do nothing but tell you" Clarke laughs "I want to tell you till you get bored of hearing it, I want to tell you the second you open your eyes" Clarke admits staring intensely at her girlfriend with a soft smile. "You scare me still and I think you always will, but not because I fear you won't love me back" Clarke breaths "Its because I'm scared ill lose you" Clarke breaths feeling her eyes fill with tears at how that could have happened tonight.   
The blonde stood to her feet and walked over to the window, seeing the rain begin to pour once more as the sun hid behind the clouds, she wiped her cheeks dry as she tried to compose herself.  
  
"Jake"   
  
As the words were croaked out in to the room, Clarke spun around on the spot to see Lexa's eyes struggling to open as her face scrunched up in pain.  
  
"Lexa" Clarke breathed swallowing hard as she stepped closer till she was leaning over the bed. "Hey" She says softly "Shh. It's ok" She soothed "Jake's fine" She reassured searching for green eyes.  
  
"Clarke" Lexa croaked her eyes opening in the slightest before they slammed back down again.  
  
"It's me. I'm here" Clarke reassured placing her bum on side of Lexa's bed. "I'm here" Clarke confirmed wanting to hold Lexa but not sure where.  
  
"Clarke" Lexa breathed her eyes fighting to stay open as green connected with blue. The fear and worry held behind Lexa's eyes had Clarke placing her hand instantly on Lexa's cheek.  
  
"You're safe" she whispers "God you scared me" she admits resting her forehead on the brunettes for the first time she felt like she was left raw at how scared she truly was, just by the flicker of green eyes. The thought of not seeing them again, the thought of not hearing her voice. She clamped her eyes shut ridding the thought as green eyes lazily watched her before she felt Lexa's hand rest on the side of her head.  
  
"I'm sorry" she whispers swallowing harshly loud enough to hear.  
  
"Shh" Clarke hushed "Don't be silly" Clarke shakes her head with a teary smile "I love you" she mumbles kissing the top of her head gently. "God I love you" Clarke breaths again a tear falling on Lexa. The gentle palm of Lexa's hand cupping Clarke's cheek in such a lazy way had Clarke smiling at how adorable she looked like she was using her last bit of strength to reassure she was ok, and Clarke knew Lexa was the only one who could truly do that.  
  
"I'm here" Lexa croaked allowing her eyes to fall close to heavy to keep them open.  
  
"My mom said thank you" Clarke whispers after a moment with a proud smile, not even sure if Lexa was still awake.  
  
"What for?" Lexa mumbled ready to give in.  
  
"Saving my dads life" Clarke smiles allowing her happy tears to trickle down her face.  
  
"He saved mine" Lexa breathed just before she fell back to sleep. Leaving Clarke with a beaming smile but confused by Lexa's words. She placed a tender kiss on Lexa's forehead before texting her mom to let her know Lexa had woken up briefly.  
  
\---  
  
  
"Someone decided to finally wake up" Clarke teases as she steps in to jakes hospital room. It was the first time she seen her dad since the accident, and his face was much like Lexa's bruised and cut up however Lexa's was slightly worse to her face.  
  
"How's Lexa?" he asked immediately  
  
"She's good" Clarke says honestly placing a seat. "She's asleep right now. She was only awake for a little while, but she seems good" Clarke nodded with a gentle smile. "How are you?" she questioned concerned looking down to his covered thigh.  
  
"I'm ok" He says reaching out to grab his daughters hand removing the fear and the worry.  
  
"What happened?" Clarke questioned still needing answers on how this could happen. He shook his head bowing his head before raising it.  
  
"It all happened really fast" he admits. "Our light was green I went to go but a van clearly didn't stop at their own red light so it hit my side of the car throwing our car around"  
  
Clarke almost flinched at the story her anger hidden beneath at how one stupid dangerous driver could have killed two people she loved. She shook her head in disbelief.  
  
"Lexa said you saved her" Clarke said after a moment which caused Jake to smile, before letting out a gentle laugh with a shake of the head.  
  
"Me?" he questioned his face winching in pain as he laughed. "I did nothing" he said sadly "I wish I did, but really Lexa was the warrior, she saved me without a doubt" He admits squeezing his daughters hand.  
  
"How?" She questioned wanting to know the events of what happened.  
  
Jake settled comfortable against his bed winching as he turned to face his daughter more. He took her hand once more in his own with a gentle squeeze.  
"All of it"? He questioned  
  
"Yeah" Clarke said nervously ready to create the events of what happened In her own head.  
  
"I saw the car before it hit so I placed my hand over her hoping it would help somehow in holding her body to the chair" He admitted. "But the force was.. to strong" he admits. "the car was threw across the road and Lexa hit her head against the window knocking herself out for a second" he admits feeling Clarke's hand tighten on his own he looked to their hands before back to his daughter. "I remained awake but I had a piece of metal in my thigh, and I had hit pretty badly also" he says looking to his wife then back to his daughter. "I couldn't really move, and I was struggling to speak and I felt dizzy, but I did try to wake Lexa not that it did much"  
  
"What happened?" Clarke questioned.  
  
"She woke a few second later, confused, scared and in a lot of pain" He admits. "a big piece of glass had somehow inserted her skin and she was struggling to even move" he says gently.  
  
  
_The first thing she noticed was the ringing in her ear as her vision blurred out as she flickered her eyes open. It was dark, very dark. She could see pieces of the car with every flicker as she looked around until her eyes landed on Jake. His lips were moving but nothing was heard accept the ringing, her eyes scattered quickly across the car to the broken glass, with blood trickling down her forehead. Then it was like a light switch went of and turned all her senses on, she could hear, and she could feel. God could she feel.  
  
"Jake" She croaked out confused and dizzy as she looked down to her stomach where she found a large piece of glass sticking out.  
  
"Lexa" He says winching as he speaks. "Your ok Lex" He says reassuringly but the tears in the corner of his eyes showed the pain he truly felt. "I cant move" He says after a minute as he looks down at his leg. "Are you hurt?" He questioned his heavy eyes struggling to keep fixated on the brunette.  
  
"I.." She winched as she shifts in her seat struggling to move with the glass moving inside her with every movement she makes. As her eyes wonder around the car once more she noticed Jake's injury and his constant hitching of his breath. "I'm ok" she finally manages lifting her shaky hands to unbuckle the seat belt. _  
  
_"I need to move this" He states taking a deep breath as he moved his own shaky hands on top of it._  
  
_"Don't" Lexa says quickly "Leave it in" she says turning to face Jake._  
  
_"I can't move"_  
  
_"You could have hit something" she says noticing the amount of blood coming from the wound "If you move it, you make it worse" she says quickly. Before pushing her car door open with a rough shove causing her to scream out in pain as the door clicked open and she landed on the floor with a thud. She winched on the ground as the glass remained firmly in her stomach. She reached in to her back pocket gripping her phone as she lay on the wet ground and dialled 911._  
  
_"Lexa" Jake says after she hung up the phone, his voice weak._  
  
_with a struggle she pushed her self on all fours feeling the glass beneath her palms splitting the skin as she fort to stand up winching as she desperately needed to move the piece of glass. She shakily made her way over to Jake's side of the car gripping on the side of the car as she did to help see straight as the blood continued to trickle down her face in to her eye._  
  
_"I'm here" She says breathlessly her body almost collapsing in to his side of the car. "Stay awake" She pleaded desperately as she pulled his door open with force. "I'm going to unbuckle your belt" she instructed feeling dizzy as she faltered slightly. The rain soaking her threw till she was shivering to the bone. As she undone his seatbelt she looked at his wound and noticed blood trickling down his leg._  
  
" _I Need to tie something around your leg to stop the blood flow" Lexa says while pealing of her jacket. "Stay still" She orders as she wraps it gently around his leg careful not to hit anything "Stay awake Jake" She pleads noticing his eyes getting heavier. "Tell me a story" she pleads taking his hand in her own as she drops to the ground exhausted herself._  
  
_"What. Story" he breaths trying his best to stay aware._  
  
_"The happiest day of you're life"_  
  
_"That's easy" He smiles weekly his eyes falling shut as Lexa grips his hand tightly. "When Clarke was born" He swallows. "I cried" He admitted. coughing out a loud._  
  
_"Why was that your happiest day?" she questioned looking down at the piece of glass in her stomach._  
  
_"She was so tiny" She says. "her whole hand didn't even reach around my thumb. She was my everything the second my eyes fell on her" He admitted. "Lexa" Jake breathed._  
  
_"Yeah"_  
  
_"I'm glad my daughter has you" He admits with a gentle smile his tear finally sheading from his eyes, although it wasn't from crying it was more from the pain. "I'm tired" he says quietly._  
  
_"Keep them open" She orders squeezing his hand once more as her own eyes begin to close her body beginning to feel numb from the heavy rain and her head making it hard to think. "Clarke needs you"  she finally says as the sirens of the ambulance feel their ears and the flashing lights blur their vision. Only then does Lexa give in and allow her eyes to close._  
  
\--  
  
"If she just stayed in her seat and did nothing, I wouldn't be here" Jake says weakly "You see, I'm not the one that saved her"  Jake admits squeezing his daughters hand. "You have a warrior" he beams "She ignored her own pain, and her own body and fort" he said proudly.  
  
The tears that Clarke had filling her eyes weren't sad tears, they weren't worry tears, they were proud tears. Tears that lit up her blue eyes as her smile grew. Her Lexa, the Lexa that no one would ever call a warrior or a fighter proved everyone wrong again, because that is exactly what she has been her entire life.  
  
"Send her my love" Jake says softly as his daughter already was standing.  
  
"I will" She smiles turning out the room and heading for the girl she loves.  
  
  
**Delayed as hell I know and it isn't even that long. Sorry everyone but something's better than nothing right?**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok it is official! I'm no doctor, and I certainly am terrible at writing like I were one! :') HAHA!  
> Hope you enjoy the terrible attempt and laugh at it! :D :D
> 
> Also I totally suck for making you wait so long all the time! I KNOW I'm terrible, come moan at me!


	27. Chapter 27

**Lost And Insecure!**

She willed herself to just ignore and not react but as she closed her eyes and bit her tongue she did it again. She knew she was trying to get a reaction but despite her trying to ignore Anya blowing small balls of tissue at her face threw a straw, had Clarke just about ready to kill her. She kept telling herself this was not the place or the time as she played with her girlfriends fingers but as another hit her face she lost all control of biting her tongue as her teeth clenched so tight she was worried they would break. She dared herself to raise her angry gaze to her cousin only to be met with Anya smugly grinning back at her while reloading the straw. She watched Anya's brows raise in challenge as she brought the tip of the straw to her lips daring her to say anything as she waited patiently, but as Clarke willed her mouth closed another small ball hit her in the head.  
  
"Come here" Clarke ordered  pointing to the ground beside her  
  
"What for?" Anya laughs  
  
"Just come here" Clarke encourages like she had a top secret she wanted to share.  
  
"Screw that" Anya smirked "You're going to hit me"  
  
"Hit you?" Clarke shook her head in disbelief with a chuckle. "I'm going to hit you so hard even google won't find you"  she says seriously with a glare to her cousin.  
  
"Huh?" Anya nods amused. "Lucky we have Bing and yahoo then huh?" Her smirk growing even wider as she blows yet another ball of tissue at her cousin.  
  
"Why are you here again?"   
  
"Do you have your period?" Anya questioned while rolling the small ball between her fingers.  
  
"What?" Clarke questioned furrowing her brows. "No. Are you kidding me right now? You are the rea-"  
  
"You seem annoyed?"  
  
"I am annoyed!" Clarke snaps.  
  
"Why?" Anya grins pushing her feet under her bum as she shifts to get comfortable in the terrible chair the hospital provide.  
  
"Don't even say another word" Clarke ordered shaking her head angry at herself for letting her cousin get the rise she wanted. Clarke breathed a heavy breath when no other words were followed as she squeezed Lexa's hand once more willing, begging her to open her eyes again, she had been asleep for another six hours and Clarke's eyes lids were beginning to feel the heaviness pulling them down but fort repeatedly against it until Lexa's eyes opened once more.  
  
"You should try anger management" Anya suggested after a moment in to the silenced room her eyes still teasing with the arrogant smirk tattooed to her face.  
  
"You seriously inspire my inner serial killer" Clarke scrolls  
  
"Ohh Do tell!" Anya grinned leaning forward "Give me details"  
  
"You're sick"  
  
"You said it" Anya Laughs.  
  
"Do you have a mute button?" Clarke questioned scanning her eyes across her cousin in hope.  
  
"Hmm. I think I do" Anya smirks standing up searching her body before looking at her own behind. "It's on my arse" She grins pushing it out further "Press it if you like"  
  
"How are we related?" Clarke questioned pushing back in her chair causing her to let go of her girlfriends hand. She was exhausted beyond belief and despite knowing Anya was just trying to distract her from overthinking she still felt sick to the stomach at the thought of the crash. She came so close to losing two very important people to her she knew she didn't, and that was beyond any relief she had ever felt but it scared Clarke at how quickly things could change, how quickly she could have lost her dad, how quickly she could have lost the woman she is deeply in love with. It scared her that she was still petrified despite knowing they were now in the healing process.  
  
"I need a coffee. Want one?" Clarke questioned already pushing herself to her feet.  
  
"Sure. Two sugars." Anya said to occupied with making paper balls to lift her gaze to see the blonde leave making her miss the way Clarke leant against the closed door for a few seconds in the hall in exhaustion and worry.   
  
  
It felt like only seconds since Clarke left the room to fetch coffee but as Anya lined each ball neatly in a line against her hospital chair she didn't notice Lexa shift in bed. She was oblivious to everything until suddenly Lexa bolted up right in bed shouting Clarke's name until her body panted for oxygen as sweat trickled down her forehead.

"Holy shit" Anya screeched jumping in her seat as she clutched her hand to her chest knocking the neat line of balls to the ground. "fuck" She breathed as she quickly stood to her feet eyes never leaving Lexa as she continued to pant out heavy breaths in a panic with green eyes scattering across the room. "Lexa" She said softly while trying to calm her own heart, she pushed her bum on the edge of Lexa's bed trying to get her to focus by placing each hand on Lexa's face. "Breathe" She ordered firmly as she inhaled her own breath slowly as she searched petrified green eyes. "That's is" She encouraged as Lexa began to inhale her eyes still struggling to stay still as she searched for something. Anya allowed her own eyes to trail down Lexa's body quickly noticing the blood seeping threw her gown on her stomach. "That's it" Anya continued her eyes coming back to green. "Keep doing that ok?" She questioned. "I'm just going to shout for a doctor" Only when Lexa's breathing regulated and her grip loosened on the hospital bed sheet did Anya quickly move over to the door and fling it open.  
  
"Doctor!" She shouted popping her head out not caring how dramatic she sounded or how loud she was being she was in a little bit of a panic having never watched someone wake like that before. Before any doctor could respond Anya quickly made herself back over to Lexa scared that her breathing would change again, but despite her breathing a lot calmer she couldn't help but notice her green eyes full of fear and confusion as she continued searching for something. "The doctors coming ok?" Anya questioned not waiting for a answer "I think you should lay back down though yeah? I think you tore your stitches moving so fast"  
  
Within seconds harper was walking back in the room as Anya was helping Lexa lay back down comfortably. The second she noticed harper how ever she was speaking her words quicker than she could get them out.  
  
"She just woke up. She was struggling to breath properly. I don't know what happened, she was fine one minute. Now she is bleeding" She rushed  
  
"Ok" Harper said moving around to her patients side to look at the bloody gown. "How are You feeling Lexa?" Harper said softly  as she began her examination while Anya stood awkwardly.  
  
"Sore" Lexa admitted after a moment as she looked out the glass window in her room in to the hospital halls. "Where's Clarke?" Lexa questioned looking over to Anya.  
  
"Oh Clarke! Yeah! I'll just go get her!" Anya said shaking her own head at her stupidity of course she was searching for Clarke. "I'll be right back" Anya said quickly excusing herself.  
  
\--  
  
The decision was made. Anya was going to kill Clarke when she finally found her. She had searched the cafeteria in a rush to find nothing, she had roamed the halls to find nothing, she pushed each cubicle door open in the toilets and found nothing. She even barged in to Jake's room causing a panic as Abby made it her mission to go and check on Lexa herself with the new information. Anya was planning Clarke's death as she paced outside Lexa's room waiting on her to be stitched back up. She unconsciously shook her head a number of times as she paced the halls arms tightly crossed against her chest as her head looked to the doors every time someone came threw.  
"Where the hell are you!" she mumbled to herself before hastily sitting down and shaking her leg while closing her eyes to calm her self down. She knew she was over reacting, she knew that Lexa would be ok but she had never watched someone have a nightmare like that, she had never watched someone wake up to the point she needed guidance in breathing, she had never seen so much fear in someone eyes. So when Lexa asked for Clarke, she just wanted to give her that.  
  
  
"Anya?" Clarke questioned furrowing her brows as she pushed threw the doors. "Why are you outside?" She questioned looking to her panicked cousin before looking to the hospital room which now had the curtains closed.   
  
"Where the hell were you!" Anya snapped standing to her feet and marching up to the blonde.   
  
"What's going on?" Clarke questioned her eyes unable to focus on anything than the room Lexa was in.  
  
"She woke up" Anya said quickly shaking her head. "I think she had a nightmare, she couldn't breathe and then I noticed her bleeding"   
  
"what?" Clarke questioned shakily quickly pushing past Anya before feeling a arm holding her back.  
  
"Wait" Anya said calmly. "She tore her stitches as she woke" Anya explained. "She looked really scared Clarke" Anya rarely showed emotions but for some reason when it came to Lexa she melted like butter. "Your moms in there right now, she insisted stitching her back up and Lexa asked for you when she woke" The blonde only nodded wanting to get to Lexa as quickly as possible as she handed over both cups of coffee before heading back in to Lexa's room with a gentle knock on the door but before she had time to open the door her mom was pulling it from the other side.  
  
"Clarke" Abby said a little surprised before relaxing in to a gentle smile "make sure she rest!" Abby said before looking over her shoulder with a smirk knowing Lexa heard exactly what she had said but Clarke was already transfixed with Lexa's green eyes watching her carefully. "I'll be back to check on you later" Abby grins shaking her head while rolling her eyes as she shut the door.  
  
"Hey you" Clarke said so softly her feet still froze to the spot.  
  
"Hi" Lexa spoke just as soft her eyes fluttering close as she finally relaxed against the pillow behind her giving Clarke the shake she needed to move closer. They were like magnets, destined to attach to one another as Clarke quickly slid her bum on the bed cupping Lexa's cheek as she found Lexa's hand with her other resting their forehead against each others.  
  
"Hi" Clarke repeated threw the widest grin she ever felt feeling her eyes water in happiness, fear and the warm fuzzy feeling Lexa always seemed to shoot threw every nerve of her body.  
  
"Hi" Lexa echoed her smile now growing just as wide as green eyes regain their sparkle. "You look tired" Lexa admitted as she began playing with blonde locks hanging past her shoulder keeping the blonde's forehead against hers.  
  
"I am" Clarke admits "You look sore"  
  
"Just a little" Lexa says shyly dropping her eyes between them before bringing them back to blue. Clarke loved that, she loved that Lexa never lost her shyness, the way her eyes dropped so innocently and so gentle as her big heart showed the person she was. Beautiful, truly inside and out.  
  
"I'm sorry I wasn't here when you woke" Clarke said gently squeezing the brunettes hand regretting ever going to get coffee or for answering her phone and stepping outside the hospital for a few minutes.  "Anya said you couldn't breath" Clarke said hesitantly while green eyes continued to watch her lovingly before dropping between them once more. "What happened?" Clarke questioned moving her forehead from Lexa's to look at her more clearly.  
  
"I Dreamt about the accident" Lexa admitted after a moment of silence deciding to take up her constant habit as she reached out and fiddled with the hem of Clarke's top between her fingers keeping her eyes contact on that instead of looking at Clarke. "You was there instead of Jake" Lexa admitted nervously grinding the material more roughly against her thumb. "It was different" the harsh swallow Lexa did caught Clarke's attention even more.  
  
"How?" Clarke soothed pushing Lexa's hair away from her pale face.  
  
"I couldn't think" Lexa shook her head. "Not properly." Lexa breathed closing her eyes like she was reliving the dream. "You were hurt. You couldn't move" Lexa stuttered. "Like Jake"  
  
"You saved his life" Clarke admitted softly with a proud smile not understanding Lexa's point.  
  
"I didn't save you" Lexa said after a moment "I couldn't think clearly" Lexa breathed shaking her head once more before finally Looking in to Clarke's eye for the first time as she told the story. "I couldn't think properly because it was you, so I didn't think" Lexa admitted. When Clarke looked in to Lexa's eyes for the first time since entering the room she understood what Anya meant when she said she was scared, because behind the green eyes she had fell so in love with, was the fear of her actions, the fear or what could have happened and the fear of what the outcome would have been if it was the blonde instead of Jake.  
  
"It's just a nightmare" Clarke tried to sooth but she understood it, she understood the hidden confession that was, Lexa couldn't think properly when it came to Clarke, and she was scared more than anything to hurt her. "That won't happen" Clarke breathed placing a gentle lingering kiss to the brunettes lips in reassurance, in pleading for her not to pull back out of fear.  
  
"Clarke" Lexa whispered pressing their foreheads together once more. "I want you in everyway there is to want a person" Lexa admits "You scare me more than anyone or anything ever has" The whispered confession made Clarke smile in a way she couldn't explain. Yes they had confessed their love and Lexa had read from her diary her true feelings but she had never confessed them how she just did.  
  
"hmm" Clarke hummed with the dopiest grin on her face, she wasn't even sure how she was going to successfully kiss Lexa right now but she would be dammed if she wouldn't try. "Can I kiss you?" She questioned eyes flickering to green eyes before looking at Lexa's delicate plump lips already licking her own lips in anticipation as she leans in in the slightest.  
  
"Yes" Lexa whispered causing another wave of warmth to flow threw her body right before connecting her lips with Lexa's. When their lips met it was all kinds of gentle, a gentleness in fear of hurting Lexa, a gentleness in sending a message showing how much they love one another, and as Clarke shifted position angling their heads in the other direction before capturing Lexa's lips once more to send one final message, a message that they both feared. Only when Lexa let out a gentle moan that vibrated against Clarke's lips did their lips separate allowing their smiles to grow.  
  
"If you scare me like that again I will kill you" Clarke warned causing Lexa to laugh before smacking Clarke's arm gently.  
  
  
\---  
  
  
"Where the hell are my balls!" Anya groaned searching around the hospital floor doing anything and everything to avoid looking at the two women making her nauseas with their constant I love yous, kisses and never ending touches of affection.  
  
"Who touched my balls?" Anya scoffed placing her hands on her hips "What the hell am I going to blow now?" She huffed slouching back in her chair clamping her eyes shut in fear of looking at the gross people in front of her.  
  
"Your balls?" Lexa questioned unable to not laugh, thinking it was just another Anya moment as she placed her hands over her mouth Looking to her girlfriend who was just smirking devilishly as she played with Lexa's fingers.  
  
"I need them to entertain myself!" Anya admitted peeking one of her eyes open to see if it was clear to look, when it was she opened her other before continuing. "Tell her Clarke"  
  
"She had been annoying me all morning with them" Clarke smirked shaking her head very aware of how the conversation sounds unlike her cousin.  
  
"Oh please you loved it when they smack you in the face" Anya admits making both girls laugh, Lexa a little bit more confused but still equally as funny as Anya certainly did not have balls. "Why are you both laughing?" Anya questioned confused looking from one girl to the other.  
  
"Because you just told them you have balls and now you can't entertain yourself, oh and you like hitting Clarke in the face with them" Raven Pointed out upon entering the room.  
  
"Ray!" Clarke announced standing to her feet to hug her friend. "How did you know we were here?" She questioned confused as she moved back to her original seat that just so happened to be as close to Lexa as possible.  
  
"Oh" Raven stuttered looking to Anya before diverting her eyes else where. "The school" She lied "Lexa didn't make it to the airport and you wasn't in school today" She shrugged "Your mom must have called them and they informed us" Ok so she didn't completely lie, the school had infact announced the horrible accident at school the next morning as Abby had informed them of the events and that Clarke would not be in for a few days which the school fully understood, however Raven knew before, she just wasn't about to tell her one of her best friends that her cousin rang her a little distressed after Lexa woke.  
  
"Oh. That's good of them" Clarke nodded turning back to face Lexa as she snuggled closer to her on the bed before placing a gentle kiss to Lexa's temple.  
  
"I swear I will rip my eyes out and stamp on them if you carry on!" Anya whined covering her eyes before turning to raven thankful of a excuse to stare instead of being discreet.  
  
"Anya" Clarke said causing her to look back, she wished she didn't as Clarke planted dozens of kisses across Lexa's entire face making her giggle and Anya look for the sick bag as she cringed looking back to Raven.  
  
"How are you even looking?" Anya questioned grossed out.  
  
"She could have died" Raven shook her shoulders "Besides it's cute" Raven admitted before getting lost in their own conversation.  
  
"You should sleep" Lexa said softly toying with Clarke's index finger between her own.  
  
"I'm fine" Clarke defended wanting to be awake. "You know you're so beautiful" Clarke says honestly making Lexa smile wider.  
  
"You must be tired" Lexa teased very aware of her bruised, cut up face. "I look terrible"  
  
"No such thing" Clarke breathed pecking her girlfriends lips once more as she snuggled more closely in to her.  
  
"Close your eyes" Lexa tries once more knowing she wouldn't have to try to hard with how Clarke's eye lids had been halfway closed threw out majority of the day.  
  
"No" Clarke yawns placing her hand around Lexa's waist like her body was obliging to everything Lexa asked although vocally she refused.  
  
She smiled to herself as Clarke gripped her gently but tightly as she fort against her eye lids repeatedly denying them the desire they craved. Only when Lexa kissed the tip of Clarke's nose lovingly did Clarke's eyes close at the tender touch, but she struggled opening them once more eventually giving in and allowing her body to rest exactly where she wanted to be. Right beside Lexa.  
  
"Costia texted me" Raven said snapping herself out of Anya's and her own conversation. "actually she has been filling up my phone since I told her i'll be coming to see you today" Raven laughed pulling her phone out to scroll threw the messages. "She said.. tell her I love her and I'm thinking of her!"  Raven smiled looking up. "That's just the start of it by the way" she laughed looking back down to her phone. "She said she is going to seriously kill you when she gets home for almost dying when she was stuck on a plane unable to get to you!" Raven laughed before handing the phone over to Lexa to read the last message. "You can read this one to yourself"  
  
**Costia: Hey Lex, I just wanted to say I'm really worried. I know your ok because you're you but I'm so angry at you for doing this while  it is impossible for me to come see you. I hear you're like a superhero now huh? Saving lives! I leave you for what 5 minutes and you're already getting the whole school talking about you. I'm not really sure how good of a connection I will have out here, but when you get a minute and only when you feel up to it I want you to face time me. That's a order btw! Take care Lex, and if you don't I'm sure Clarke will! Lots of love! xx p.s : it won't be the same here without you.**  
  
She smiled threw out the duration of the text before handing Ravens phone back to her.  
  
"Nope still don't trust her" Anya said after a brief moment of silence while shaking her head.  
  
"Why?" Lexa questioned quietly careful not to wake her Clarke.  
  
"She want's to get in you're pants!" Anya stated like it was the most obvious thing "She is just biding her time. Trust me I know what I'm talking about"  
  
"She's my best friend" Lexa said carefully  
  
"Yeah and all best friends fall in love. Well known fact" Anya pointed out slouching in her chair like she was worried  
  
"Sure they do" Raven laughed patting Anya on the back "found your balls yet?" Raven mocked rolling her eyes at Lexa as she shook her head silently telling the brunette to ignore the idiot and her balls.  "Besides a birdy told me that Sex bot has a thing for finny boy!"  
  
"Sex bot?" Lexa questioned  
  
"Oh that's Costia. I mean got to admit she is sexy as hell" Anya quickly cleared her throat shooting a look towards Raven with raised eye brows.  
  
"Sex bot!" Anya snapped. "pfft please she would have to eat her make up just to be pretty on the inside" Anya scrolled "i'd give up hope on the outside" she says casually shrugging her shoulders as she crossed her arms across her chest.  
  
"Are you jealous?" Raven teased forgetting Lexa sitting quiet in the bed.  
  
"God!" Anya laughed. "Jealous. Jealous of what?" Anya snapped turning to face Raven fully. Lexa just looked from one girl to the other completely confused at what was going on, and why they were arguing all of a sudden.  
  
"That she's sexy" Raven smirked. The simple scoff Anya did as she narrowed her eyes had Raven about ready to laugh.  
  
"She look's like a buffalo" Anya said calmly taking a deep breath.  
  
"I like her"  
  
"Well you didn't like her that much when you begged me to kiss you now did you" Anya said without thinking only realising when Raven looked to a confused and shocked looking Lexa before back to Anya.  
  
"Shit" Anya muttered "Hmm in my dreams" she said awkwardly shaking it of "Because that never happened" she shook her head laughing it of as she began scanning the floor once more in distraction "Where the hell are my balls!" she whined.  
  
Lexa still had no idea what balls Anya was on about.  
  
\---  
  
  
It had been hours since the blonde first closed her eyes, Anya and Raven had been and gone, Abby had popped in to check to see how she was doing and shook her head at her sleeping daughter as it looked like she owned majority of the bed while snoring in the crock of Lexa's neck. She knew she should sleep as well and restore her energy as she was still in the healing process but honestly, she couldn't take her eyes of Clarke. She trailed her lip's, her long lashes and tiny nose until she was looking at the greasy pony tail Clarke had threw her hair in, she wasn't sure how many times she had done that exact thing but she knew she couldn't stop. Her nightmare had stirred something in her, something that was stopping her from closing her eyes as she pictured Clarke's blonde hair all bloody like her dream, the tears in her eyes as she yelped in pain that 'it hurts'  causing Lexa to panic and want to do everything she could anything to help stop the pain, which resulted in not thinking correctly, doing the wrong thing instead of the right until Clarke's pale skin was paler, her eyes heavier until she just didn't move. It scared her way past any nightmare ever had, it scared her more that maybe the meaning behind it was Clarke made her careless, Clarke made her do the one think she didn't want to do, all because she loved her to much to think responsibly. She squeezed Clarke unconsciously tighter to her repeating Clarke's words. 'It's just a nightmare' repeatedly.   
  
"You're so snuggly" Clarke croaked burying her face further in to Lexa's neck. It was strange what a single voice could do, a single simple sound. God Lexa wasn't sure she would ever get use to it as she turned to face her girlfriend pulling away slightly to see her buried face making her smile as this was the exact reason Lexa loved waking up first. Clarke all sleepy and refusing to wake up was the best part of her day with all her adorableness and childlike behaviour. "You smell so good" Clarke hummed breathing Lexa in more.   
  
"I stink" Lexa confessed with a smirk as Clarke refused to open her eyes and accept that she was now awake.   
  
"Nice" Clarke added wiggling her eyebrows as if they were dancing while her eyes never opened. "What are you thinking about?" Clarke questioned after a moment bringing her hand to rest over Lexa's chest as she fights to flutter her lids open.  
  
"How do you know I'm thinking about something?" Lexa whispered with a gentle smile before placing her hand over Clarke's.   
  
"Because" Clarke grinned cockily. "I am deeply in love with you Lexa woods" She admitted "Causing me to pay a stupid amount of attention Learning everything about you" She says proudly without a doubt in her mind Lexa was in deep thought.   
  
"I like that" Lexa whispered her confession fiddling with Clarke's hand as her shyness shone threw.   
  
"Like what?" Clarke questioned lifting herself to rest her head on her hand looking down at Lexa. "That I love you? Or that I care?"   
  
"Both" Lexa admits her eyes dropping between them shyly "You make me feel like I have everything" She admits never making eye contact and Clarke smiles that little bit more at her brave confessions.   
  
"So do you" Clarke admits leaning down slightly to capture Lexa's lips in a soft lingering kiss and Clarke resisted the urge to nip Lexa's lower lip gently.   
  
"You're mom came in" Lexa confessed worriedly   
  
"She did?"   
  
"Yeah" Lexa breathed fiddling with Clarke's fingers nervously. "She brought college books in" she says quietly it was a topic Clarke and herself had avoided.   
  
"Ok" Clarke said resting against Lexa's once more. "Have you had a look?" Clarke questioned.   
  
"Have you?" Lexa questioned biting her own bottom lip when Clarke nodded. Of course Clarke would have looked they had already prolonged it long enough. She knew they had only been together 5 months but she loved Clarke, she leaned on Clarke and somewhere Clarke had became her everything. She was scared it would be over before they could really start. How dumb was that? The girl that had knew nothing but to be alone her entire life was now more scared than ever to going back to that.  
  
"I'm not scared" Clarke breathed cupping Lexa's cheek as she glided her thumb back and forth soothingly. "I love you. It's that simple. Nothing will change for us ok" Clarke reassured, although it did little despite Lexa nodding in agreement she just hoped it really wouldn't.  
  
"Clarke"   
  
"Yeah?"   
  
"I think Raven and Anya are like" Lexa's green eyes connected with blue unsure of what they were actually doing. "Kissing and stuff" She settled with causing Clarke to sit up straight with wide eyes and jaw wide.   
  
"What makes you think that?" Clarke questioned like it was a rumour.   
  
"Anya said Raven begged her to kiss her"   
  
At that Clarke shoot up straight in bed eyes wide stopping herself from laughing instead settling for a smirk.   
  
"No fucking way!"   
  
  
 **( Hi my fellow readers! Sorry I took so long to update as I did say It would be earlier. The main reason was because I rewrote Lexa waking up over six times still unhappy with the result as lots of scenarios went down! However I settled for this one as I don't want the girls becoming distant! Thank you for you're patients and I hope you enjoy the chapter! Sorry it's not that long, but like I said that stupid part where she woke up was annoying as I wanted it slightly different but hey, have some fluff!)**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is really random I know, however I noticed the user name  
> ALLUSERNAMESARETAKENSOHERESTHENUMBER9 on my Kudos!  
> HaHaHa! Just have to throw it out there but I found that hilarious! :') EPIC!
> 
> You will start to see a change in Lexa now as her feelings become somewhat overwhelming as she accepts them!


	28. Chapter 28

**Lost and Insecure!  
**

After spending three long days lying in a hospital bed Lexa was a little more than excited to be finally going home. She still felt sore and severely bruised and every time her stomach angled in a certain way she felt like her skin tightened around the stitches attempting to pull it free but she managed. Lexa struggled to care about her injuries as she finally slipped in to the comfort of her own clothes and took of her hospital wrist band. She paused for a moment, a moment where she traced over her name written across the band and her smile came to life as she looked around the hospital room before focusing back on her neatly written name. It wasn't the first time she had been in hospital, yet somehow it felt that way. After Titus caused severe injuries to Lexa she had ended up in a similar looking hospital, only she never had a visitor, she never had someone that cared enough to stay with her everyday as they ate the gruesome hospital food together, she never had someone who you could just look at and see pure fear at the possibility of losing her. She smiled so wide because it mattered to someone that her name was on that wristband, someone who truly cared and someone she knew that loved her.  
  
"For you madam" Clarke beamed slipping back in to the room causing Lexa to turn and face her. She watched her girlfriends blue eyes twinkle with excitement as she tilted her head slightly to the side in challenge.  
  
"What's that?" Lexa questioned unable to stop her grin from growing. She really didn't expect any less from the blonde, ever since she had woken, Clarke had been making sure she was constantly ok while ordering her not to move and doing everything for her instead.  
  
"Your transport" Clarke smirked pushing the chair closer to her injured girlfriend.  
  
"I'm not getting in that" Lexa explained shaking her head at the wheelchair before letting out a quiet laugh.  
  
"Oh yes you are" Clarke smirked resting her elbow against the handle of the chair. "Get in"  
  
"I'm not crippled"  
  
"Get in the chair" Clarke ordered.  
  
"No" Lexa smirked placing her feet on the ground till she was standing her hand instantly went across her covered stitches as she felt her skin tighten as she stood straight.  
  
"Chair. Now" Clarke smirked as she walked around the wheelchair until she was directly infront of the brunette "Doctor's orders is to rest. So in. Or else!"  
  
"Or else what?" Lexa challenged eager to know what the blonde would threaten as she clearly couldn't take her down, not that she would anyway.  
  
"Or else" Clarke hummed wrapping her arms around the brunette with the smile that Lexa had become addicted too. "I won't kiss you" she whispered placing a tender kiss on pink delicate lips teasingly. "all week" she added with a winning smile. Lexa could only shake her head knowing her girlfriends threat was empty as she was sure she couldn't last that long anyway, however Lexa wasn't willing to risk it so without another word her eyes never leaving Clarke's she stepped in the wheelchair awaiting for her girlfriend to push her.  
  
"Thought so" Clarke added placing Lexa's bag over her shoulder as she began their journey home, with one quick stop on the way.  
  
\--  
  
"Beep! Beep!" Clarke honked pulling the wheelchair to a stop as she entered her dads hospital room.  
  
"there she is!" Jake beamed slowly sitting up right as he eyes the brunette who saved his life. "My own personal knight" He announced proudly causing Lexa to instantly go a shade of red.  
  
"How are you?" Lexa questioned nervously as Clarke pushed her closer to the bed. The two had been whining for the past three days to see one another, however Jake wasn't fit to move due to his loss of blood and his recent tear in a main artery, and Lexa. Well she had a bossy girlfriend that wouldn't even let her puff her own pillow out so she had no chance until she was officially released.  
  
"I'm good" Jake admitted nodding as he squeezed Abby's hand. "Thanks to you"  
  
"Please" Lexa said shyly ducking her head as she shook it "I didn't do anything" Lexa explained as she slowly raised her game to see a gentle smile on her foster parents lips.  
  
"Lexa" Jake said softly reaching his hand out to the brunette who hesitantly took it, physical contact was still not something Lexa was comfortable with. "If you didn't think quickly and ring a ambulance, I wouldn't be here. If you didn't stop me pulling that thing out my leg, I wouldn't be here." He said softly shaking his head knowingly. "If you didn't keep me awake, I may not be here either, but you did all those things. So please do not tell me you did nothing" He pleaded with a gentle squeeze of the hand as the room fell quiet listening to the pair. Lexa only nodded shyly in agreement not to argue with the man, the man who cared about her threw out the accident instead of only caring for himself.  
  
"Jheez you wouldn't think you were a Doctor's husband" Anya piped up cutting threw the comfortable silence earning herself a slap on the back of the head from Clarke. "Ouch!" she whined over exaggerating "What the hell was that for!"  
  
"You!" Clarke snapped. "You always ruin the moment!"  
  
"and your breath always stinks but you don't see me hitting you on the head do you!" Anya barks back.  
  
"Why are you still here again?" Clarke questioned  
  
"I see them two haven't changed one bit" Jake grins looking to Lexa before focusing back on his daughter and niece beginning their regular bicker.  
  
"I've had them for three days" Lexa admits with a wide smile as she remembers the countless bickers the two had exchanged within three day, she's just surprised they still speak at all.  
  
"Welcome to the Griffin family" Jake laughs as Anya nudges her shoulder against Clarke's harder than necessary.  
  
\---  
  
"How's it feel being home?" Clarke questioned pulling a blanket over their legs as they sat on the couch. The word home struck something in Lexa, something that had her looking around the room as she traced picture after picture she couldn't remember the last time she had a place she could call home. Yet this felt exactly that, the familiar smell of the house that she hadn't realised she missed, the familiar warmth that always hit you as you entered. The small things that she hadn't previously noticed that had become a normal was now standing out like a sore thumb, it was only then that she realised everything about this house meant home to her. She didn't even realise she was smiling till Clarke kissed it with her own smile. "Why so smiley?" Clarke whispered tracing Lexa's jaw line tenderly. Lexa swore that was one of her favourite things to do.  
  
"no reason" Lexa hummed. "Just really happy to be home" Lexa admitted feeling a warmth spread threw her using the word.  
  
"Me too" Clarke grinned leaning forward to capture Lexa's lips once more. It was a kiss that spoke volumes as Clarke's tender touches never faltered. "I'll get some snacks" Clarke whispered pecking Lexa's lips one final time before heading towards the kitchen with a bounce.  
  
Even though she was gone Lexa stared after her with a genuine smile on her lips, she even wanted to laugh at the idea of how she ended up here, how she ended up with Clarke and everything else she would normally just watch from afar. Yet here she was sitting on a couch in a place she called home with more than just one person who cared about her health or just her in general. She almost does laugh aloud only stopping herself as she bites her lip shaking her head as she thinks of Clarke once again, it was strange really how just the thought of the blonde made her feel a over powering kind of love flood threw her till her throat tightened because she wanted to smile, but cry proudly at the same time. Sometimes just having Clarke around feels so crazy and insane because there are no words that can begin to explain what the blonde has done for her, how she has changed the way she see's things for the better and how she makes the brunette feel proud about her past because she got threw it because she fort and she is still killing it. She hates the possibility of being miles apart next year as they go of to college and she's scared more that it seem Clarke doesn't seems to be worried in the slightest. She's not silly she knows people grow apart, college becomes to time consuming to be bothered with a relationship and then they just grow apart. Her smile had vanished before she could even realise as she thinks about the upcoming possibility's of losing the one person she knows she just can't. Yet as Clarke's enters the room with her gorgeous smile and gentle blue eyes throwing popcorn in her mouth before she even takes a seat Lexa feels a little to overwhelmed.  
  
"I'm in love with you" Lexa says staring at the blonde who came to a halt at the confession.  
  
"I'm in love with you" Clarke repeats back as she take's a seat beside the brunette instantly cupping her cheek "I don't think i'll ever get bored of you being vocal" Clarke whispers as she bites her own bottom lip while her eyes trail to Lexa's delicate wet lips.  
  
"No" Lexa says shaking her head gently like that wasn't what she was trying to say. She wanted to say she was scared, that she was petrified of this ever ending, that she would follow Clarke to the end of the earth because that's what she felt. The way the blonde cared for her, the way Clarke looked and touched her, the way she whispered I love you like it was nothing, but it was, it was everything and Lexa knew she would never want to hear it said by anyone else ever again because having Clarke was having everything. Yet Lexa couldn't say any of that so instead she replaced her frown quickly with a gentle smile and covered it up because she wasn't use to relying on someone like that, she had never needed someone like this and Lexa was to scared to confess her deepest worries because maybe, just maybe this was way more to Lexa than it was for Clarke. Maybe.  
  
"I just" Lexa smiles no evidence of her deepest feelings on the surface "I missed this" Lexa lies, kind of.  
  
"Me too" Clarke smiles resting her forehead against Lexa's. "Lex" Clarke whispers.  
  
"Hmm"  
  
"Thank you for saving my dad" Clarke confesses genuinely as she places her other hand in brunette locks massaging the scalp. "I wanted to tell you properly" Clarke admits blue eyes bright as they stare in to beautiful green.  
  
"I told you, he saved me" Lexa says just as quietly her eye dropping between them at her confession.  
  
"He couldn't move" Clarke points out.  
  
"It's not what he did, its what he said" Lexa admits and despite her life not being in a serious position like Jake's she would have give in the second she opened her eyes if it wasn't for him.  
  
"What did he say?" Clarke questioned pulling Lexa to lay back against the armchair with her.  
  
"I felt dizzy and heavy" Lexa said after a moment remembering the accident. "I didn't want to move, my body refused it as I couldn't see clearly" She furrows her brows in concentration as her memory take's her back step by step. "He was worried for me, and didn't care about himself. I noticed him getting tired, yet he was telling me to stay awake." Lexa turns around to face Clarke to see understanding eyes listening to each and every word. "I was ready to give in to sleep, ready to give up to what my body ached for me to do and then he told me a memory" Lexa smiled. "He spoke about you being born, and it was the best moment in his life" Lexa confesses taking her girlfriends hand in her own. "He kept me awake too because he spoke of you" Lexa admitted. "and then I just needed to see you" The silence lingered for a moment but honestly Lexa didn't need words, she could tell how Clarke felt in that very moment by the smile on her face, the way blue eyes traced Lexa asking the question Lexa so often asked about Clarke. Is this real?  
  
"I love you" Clarke confesses capturing Lexa's lips in a beat. She felt the sheer amount of love Clarke wanted her to feel in that moment as their lips moulded together so urgent and sensual while Clarke held her close like she was her lifeline. The moan that vibrated against her lips was something that instantly sent goose bumps across Lexa's arms as she held the blonde just as close and in truth be told she never wanted to let her go.  
   
\---  
  
There was always a song out there for Lexa, a song that defined a part in her life that could explain how she felt and why she felt it a lot better than she ever could. She found it fascinating that someone else out there could feel what you were feeling, had been threw a similar experience and how someone wrote it down and created art, created magic as her mother would correct. Before Clarke entered her life her songs were somewhat heavy and maybe a little dark the more common word people would use would be depressing. Yet each word to every depressing song she listened to struck something in the brunette, she had felt heartbroken despite never falling in love before, she felt lost and insecure, she felt alone and like nothing would ever get better so it would have been rather odd to listen to songs like 'we're walking on sunshine' because she felt the exact opposite.  
  
Until Clarke that is.  
  
Lexa brought her eyes away from her iPod to look over to the blonde who was laying on her stomach chewing on the tip of a pen as her legs swayed side to side while she began copying notes from her computer. It was impossible not to smile as the blonde frowned at something before scribbling it out and writing something else. She watched the blonde's lips move as she spoke but heard nothing past the music in her ears. She had done it four times already but Lexa did it just as eagerly as the times before.  
  
"What?" Lexa questioned pulling her head phones from her ears as Clarke looked over her shoulder at the brunette.  
  
"Oh nothing" Clarke smiled "Was just talking to myself again"  
  
"Oh. ok" Lexa said before placing her headphones back in her ears. Four times she had pulled the headphones from her ears, and each time Clarke had been speaking to herself, it was a new habit Lexa was quickly leaning about the blonde and it made her smile every time. Being home with Clarke was exactly how you would expect it to have been, Clarke still refused Lexa to do anything for herself despite many protests from the brunette only eventually obliging when Clarke would pull out a very mean threat like sleeping in their own beds. Everything was exactly how it should be.  
  
Only it wasn't.  
  
She focused back on her iPod once more skipping from one song to the next. None of them were right, none of them spoke the words that had unsettled the brunette for days. She tried ignoring it she really did but the horrible pit in her stomach turned when ever she thought about it, when ever she would snuggle down with Clarke at night and whisper 'I love you' When ever Clarke would sooth her and comfort her if she had a nightmare with were now rare. Even when ever Clarke would just be laying on her bed swinging her legs innocently. Even when she was six years old being led by the hand to a unfamiliar place she still never felt as scared as she was at the thought of Clarke being miles away from her because Lexa knew this was already the beginning of the end. Clarke never spoke about the colleges she was applying for and Lexa just wished she would. Maybe that was the first sign, the first sign of Clarke not being in this quite like Lexa. As each song played after the next Lexa closed her eyes willing her brain to stop over thinking because that's all it had been doing for the last week, its all it could do as Clarke and Lexa never spoke about being apart. She tried blaming her thought on being overwhelmed, overwhelmed with the accident, overwhelmed with her new found emotions for the blonde which only seemed to keep intensifying with every passing day barely giving her time to process the quick change. When she opened her eyes once more they fell immediately on the relaxed blonde still chewing on the edge of her pen oblivious to Lexa's turmoil. Oblivious to the fact that Lexa was slowly shielding herself from the world and returning back in to her shell as her continued thoughts echoed in her brain, Oblivious to the fact that Lexa's feeling had become so overwhelming in the last few days that she was struggling to take them in. This wasn't something she was use to, it wasn't something she had felt before so finally after having years of being alone and feeling nothing but empty and disappointment  falling in love with someone was a big jump. A gigantic jump.  
Before she had time to process her feelings, time to write them down with pen to paper, she had time to get her head around falling in love with the blonde and after finally accepting it when she eventually confessed it she thought that would be the overwhelming stage over with.  
  
She was wrong.  
  
So very wrong.  
  
With every smile, every laugh, every new little thing Lexa learnt about Clarke with every passing day her heart would beat with a pounding to the ribs, she would smile beyond the stage you could even call it a smile anymore, it was only then that she realised the most overwhelming stage isn't the moment you realise you love someone, it was each day she fell in love more and more for the most stupidest of reasons like Clarke talking to herself.   
  
She was grateful of the disturbance as her phone vibrated in her pocket stopping her from skipping from song to song, stopping her from watching Clarke write notes down as she spoke to herself, stopping her from overthinking.  
  
**Costia: I've just unpacked. You want me to come over or do you want me to pick you up? x  
  
** As she reread the message her eyes drifted over to her girlfriend who was more than occupied. She hesitated for a moment before writing a reply knowing Clarke would not be happy about her moving to much, but she needed to get out the house she needed to breathe, she needed to talk to her best friend.  
  
**Lexa : Pick me up please x**  
  
As she sent the message Lexa knew she needed to go downstairs and put her shoes on knowing it take's her a little longer to now put her shoes on thanks to the stitches being across her stomach. When she swung her legs of the bed and walked carefully over to the door she stopped only at the sound of Clarke's voice.  
  
"Where are you going?" Clarke questioned standing up quickly like she would fetch anything Lexa needed.  
  
"Costia got home a few hours ago" Lexa said gently turning around. "I'm going to see her."  
  
"oh" Clarke said a little surprised not expecting that to come out her mouth. "Well maybe she should come here, you shouldn't really move to much" Clarke offered taking a few steps forward.  
  
"We're going to hers actually" Lexa admitted  "I'm fine, really."  
  
"You shouldn't really over work" Clarke tried again not wanting Lexa to leave.  
  
"I just need to get out" Lexa confessed  
  
"Oh" Clarke nodded dropping her gaze between them as her nodding continued. "I understand" She offered a smile but Lexa knew it didn't quite meet blue eyes.  
  
When Lexa got downstairs she sat on the bottom step bending down to place her shoe on her foot flinching as her stitches felt tighter than ever.  
  
"I can do it" Clarke offered already bending down to help.  
  
"I've got it" Lexa snapped out in frustration making Clarke take a step back with a frown before crossing her arms over her chest. She regretted it the second she said it knowing this wasn't Clarke's fault. She was just in pain, and fed up of not being able to do things for herself and constantly having Clarke do things for her, and maybe a little bit of her deeper thoughts seeming out. "Sorry" Lexa said gently standing up. "I didn- " she stuttered her nervous self back in play. "I didn't mean that" Lexa said softly placing her arms around her girlfriend. Only when She felt Clarke hug her back did she let out a heavy breath.  
  
"It's ok" Clarke said soothingly nuzzling her nose in Lexa's neck. "Be careful ok" Clarke said shakily her voice filled with worry at letting Lexa out of her sight.  
  
"I will" Lexa whispers while feeling Clarke's finger tips push under the hem of her top to sooth her hip. It was little things like this, such small little things that Lexa had become addicted to, her finger tips tracing patterns across her hips, her nose nuzzling in the crook of Lexa's neck before she placed a tender kiss to her pulse point. She had only minutes ago decided to leave and Clarke took mere second to make her wish she wasn't going anywhere at all.  
That's one of the worst but best parts of being in Love Lexa concluded.  
One minute she would be worried sick, thinking about everything negative that could happen everything that she feared and everything that overwhelmed her. Yet one look, one touch from Clarke removed all of it and all that was left was want, love and pure bliss until she released her again.  
  
"Let's put your shoes on" Clarke offered pulling away from the embrace to bend down and place Lexa's shoes on.  
  
"Thank you" Lexa said sincerely  
  
"What are girlfriends for?" Clarke questioned as she came back up to meet Lexa. "Just remember if my eyes ever roll out, you have to take care of me to" Clarke said jokingly lightening the mood.  
  
"Eyes fall out?" Lexa laughed as they held one another once more.  
  
"Could happen" Clarke shrugs as if peoples eyes just drop out on a normal day to day. "I could sneeze"  
  
"I love you" Lexa confesses while shaking her head at her girlfriend.  
  
"Even if I had no eyes?" Clarke questioned already leaning towards Lexa's lips.  
  
"I'll get you a patch" Lexa hummed her eyes struggling to focus on blue eyes as they continued to drop to her favourite lips.  
  
"And a parrot?" Clarke teases inching that little bit closer with a teasing smile.  
  
"You have one of those already" Lexa whispers unable to focus on blue eyes any longer as they stay transfixed on the lips she needs to taste. "Anya" she breaths  
  
"True" Clarke hums no longer caring about their conversation as she feels Lexa's heavy breath against her wet lips. Clarke closes the space between them, causing Lexa's breathe to vanish from her lungs as her senses come to life with Clarke's tasteful lips chasing her own. The second they kiss, they never want to part, their breathing mingles in with one another as they keep it slow and steady, like they never tasted one another before and they desperately needed too.  
  
The sound of a car honking is what pulls them apart, slowly and reluctantly.  
  
"That's Costia" Lexa breaths her eyes still closed as she sucks in her bottom lip to reveal in the taste of Clarke.  
  
"Yeah" Clarke breaths. "You should.."  
  
"Yeah" Lexa whispers back her eyes finally opening to catch those beautiful blue eyes mapping out Lexa's healing cuts and bruises with worry.  
  
"Come back to me?" Clarke questioned with a hidden message to please be careful.  
  
"I will"  
  
As she entered Costia's Car she was greeted with the most excited warm welcome she had ever received from her best friend. When she hugged her it lingered and Lexa smiled as she held her back just as tight knowing the silent words that didn't need spoken.  
"I will kill you if you ever do anything like this again" Costia pointed out warningly with a smile while tracing Lexa's healing face.  
  
"never again" Lexa assured with a laugh like she had a choice the first time.  
  
As the car began to pull away she took one more look at the house, noticing Clarke was standing at the front door watching them off. She smiled to herself, she smiled until the house was no longer in view only for it to slowly fade out as the car got further and further away. Her dreadful thoughts slowly crept in to her mind once again, the worst one yet as the realisation hit her. This is what it will be like one day, one day soon as she drives away from Clarke and Clarke drives away from her, hoping with everything they have they will come back to one another, but what if they don't?  
  
"What's going on?" Costia questioned studding her best friend with concern.  
  
That was the question wasn't it. What was going on? One minute she was upstairs worrying, the next minute Clarke took all that away in seconds like Lexa was never in turmoil, and fear and now she was back to feeling sick at losing the woman she loved because of distance.  
  
"I'm so confused" Lexa quietly confessed starring out the window.  
  
"Is it Clarke?" Costia questioned after a moment.  
  
It was. It was always Clarke.  


 

** So let me know what your thinking so far! I have a feeling some of you will disagree with what I've wrote maybe but everyone is different! Still dying to hear what you want to say! Rant at me! **

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you are all going to say just speak to her!! Lol bare in mind it's Lexa.  
> The story where she is shy, the story where she struggles to the confess her feelings and emotions  
> the story where she is so insecure and so unexperienced in socialising and normal things most people go threw!  
> bare with her! :D


	29. Chapter 29

**Lost and Insecure!  
**

  
She watched as the dark clouds replaced the sunny sky until rain started repeatedly tapped against Costia's bedroom window. Somehow amongst the heavy rain, and strong winds the ouside world looked a different kind of beautiful, how the leaves all shook together, the way the water quickly became a puddle, the way the rain drops created unknown patterns against the glass following the same path as a previous rain drop before. If you would have asked Lexa a year ago what she thought about the rain she would have said it was dreadful, and cold and she hated it. She was a warm kind of girl, a girl that would wear cosy pyjamas and bury herself under a blanket until you could just about see her eyes poking over the edge but then Clarke changed that to she changed everything. It happened one night when a thunderstorm broke out waking both girls as the branches rattled against their bedroom window. She remembered the exact smile that grew on the blondes lips, the way she climbed out of bed to look out the window before tracing her index finger along the glass following the water drops path. Lexa's smile grew as she gazed out of Costia's window knowing exactly what her girlfriend would be doing at home, she unconsciously copied Clarke's actions and followed the path of the dripping rain drop while remembering Clarke's conversation that night. She remembered blue eyes light up as the thunder lit the skies. Lexa wrapped her arms tightly around herself to keep herself warm until she was by the blondes side looking at the horrendous weather. Her simple soft words were enough to make Lexa look twice at the rain in search of what Clarke could see. 'It's beautiful' she had whispered. 'When life gives you rainy days people should put their boots on and jump in the puddles' Clarke grinned still tracing her fingers down the glass infront of her. 'because without rain, nothing grows people just need to learn to embrace the storm' She breathes before snaking her arms around Lexa's waist to keep the brunette warm. 'it's like life really'  
She loved how Clarke could make everything so beautiful and so meaningful even when all that was infront of you was nothing but horrendous weather and heavy winds.  
  
"Here you go" Costia said handing over a hot cup of cocoa before placing herself opposite Lexa on the overly large window ledge that Costia had made cosy with all pillows and blankets.  
  
"Thank you" Lexa hummed wrapping her cold fingers around the warm mug as she blew over her mug.  
  
"So back to Clarke" Costia said now also looking out the window before back to the brunette. "Have you said anything to her?" Costia questioned curiously after hearing Lexa reveal her growing fears. It had took quite a while and lots and lots of questions thanks to Lexa's awkward one word answers she was giving. Yet Costia never pushed she just knew her best friend sometimes needed a nudge and lots of questions needed to be asked to get to the main course.  
  
"No" Lexa said simply before taking a sip of her hot cocoa. "I don't think she wants to talk about college" Lexa admitted shrugging her shoulders remembering Clarke brushing it of as if it was nothing but to Lexa it was everything. "She just wants me to pick the best place for me"  
  
"and you don't?" Costia questioned pushing her toe's under Lexa's blanket before taking a sip of her drink.  
  
"I do" Lexa said after a moment turning her gaze to her lap. "Maybe I ju-" She muttered feeling silly as she tapped her fingers against her cup. Maybe she was just being stupid. Maybe this was just her being over dramatic and this was all just nothing.  
  
"Maybe what?" Costia pushed nudging her knee leg against Lexa's for encouragement. "Maybe what?" she questioned more softly when green eyes lifted.  
  
"Maybe it's just a school thing" Lexa spoke dropping her gaze once more her stomach dropping at the possibility.  
  
"Lexa" Costia said after a moment, which Lexa could only assume was her thinking of what to say. "How does Clarke make you feel?" She questioned curiously.  
  
She didn't really need to think about the answer to the question, but she wasn't exactly sure how to say it, or if it was possible to even express with words alone. That was one of Lexa's biggest problems lately thanks to Clarke. Words were beginning to prove a failure with each day that passed because her feeling continued to grow and the worlds vocabulary stayed the same. There was no simple words to express how Clarke made her feel like she was the most important person she had ever laid eyes on, how Clarke looked at her as if she had been sent from somewhere unknown because no one like Lexa could possibly exist. Clarke Griffin looked at her like she was besotted, she though this because Lexa was sure she was looking at Clarke in the exact same way. Yet expressing her feelings to someone other than Clarke she felt almost nervous and silly all at once if she blurted out that her heart felt like it never stopped racing with happiness and excitement from just a glimpse of the blonde.  
  
"Like being happy is effortless" Lexa breathed honestly as she fiddles with the blanket between her fingers to embarrassed to look up, to embarrassed because despite how cringe it may sound it's exactly what Clarke made her feel.  
  
"Then why would you think this is just a school thing?" Costia questioned reaching out to stop Lexa's nervous fingers playing with the blanket until she looked up finding a genuine smile on Costia's lips. There was no teasing, or pretending to reach for a sick bag, there was no comment to make Lexa more uncomfortable. There was only gentle eyes and a genuine smile waiting for her and Lexa knew that this was why Costia was her best friend, because she understood her almost as much as Clarke. "Do you Love her?" Costia continued with a gentle squeeze to her hand.   
  
"I do" Lexa said quietly before gazing out the wet window once more. She thought about Clarke, she thought about her smile, her lips, her beautiful blue eyes as they changed from one mood to the next, she thought about how the blonde would wake every morning even more annoyed with her even louder new Alarm before bashing it over the top in hope to turn it off without remotely opening her eyes one bit. She thought of the fear in Clarke's eyes when they went on the Ferris wheel, she thought of their first kiss they shared in the bathroom to the Blake's house. She thought about how Clarke spoke to herself about her work like she was waiting for herself to magically find the answer.   
  
"It look's to me you have nothing to worry about" Costia said smirking at the smiling brunette gazing out the window knocked her from her thoughts. "Can I be straight with you?" Costia questioned placing her mug down on the ground before burying herself back in the blanket as a flash of lightning lit up the skies.  
  
"Yeah" Lexa said nervously before copying Costia's actions.  
  
"Going to different colleges doesn't mean it's the end. It just means you have to try harder but if you love her and she loves you it's worth it, no matter how far apart you are" Costia admits leaning forward looking a little more serious. "I know you're scared, and I get it, I really do because Clarke's made you believe again and after so many years of giving up and accepting your shitty history" Costia says gently while reaches for Lexa's fiddling fingers once more "You're scared that if Clarke leaves you, your happiness will too" Costia finally says. "Yet you're smiling at a window and Clarke's not here" Costia points out with a smile "Your smiling at memories I'm sure you're replaying in you're head" Costia teases causing Lexa to look up once more.  
  
"How did you-"  
  
"Please" Costia scoffed playfully "You're face says it all plus you keep disappearing else where" She smirks. "Yet Clarke's still making you smile from afar." Costia points out smugly knowing her message is loud and clear causing Lexa to smile at the realisation. "and I'm willing to bet you five bucks that if you looked at your phone, you will have more than one message from her" Lexa bites her lip raising her eye brow as she scoots her bum up unable to resist pulling her phone out from her back pocket to check her message.  
  
"3 unread messages" Lexa reads her smile growing even quicker as Costia laughs knowingly  
  
"Told you!" She smirks.  
  
**Clarke : I can't focus properly when you're not here. Strange right? I miss you already yet you were only listening to music while I studied x  
**   
Clarke : Have you looked outside? It's beautiful x  
  
Clarke : I love you, so much. Please tell Costia to drive you back safely back to me x  


She didn't read the messages aloud but she couldn't hide her continuous smile that had began hurting her jaw the more she thought about her girlfriend at home unable to study while gazing out at the beautiful messy weather in her fluffy socks, lazy cotton bottoms and Lexa's jumper that she seemed to have took possession of.  
  
"Oh and look I have one from her two!" Costia laughs wiggling her eye brows. "Oh it's a naughty picture!" Costia teases dropping her mouth open as she clutches her phone to her chest. "Ouch" Costia flinches rubbing at her leg that Lexa kicked beneath the blanket while trying not to laugh.  
  
"What's it say?" Lexa questions eagerly wanting to know what her girlfriend would text her best friend.  
  
"It says" Costia drooled out as she clicked on the message once more "Please be careful while driving Lexa home she's still abit nervous in a car" Costia read looking up to face Lexa. "I cant believe you're worried about her" Costia admits.  
  
"I'm not." Lexa admits "Well I am" She stutters "I just over think" Lexa mutters shaking her head struggling with her feelings still.  
  
"I'm going to give you some advice" Costia says sitting up "There are three kinds of people in this world. One who knows exactly what to say, how to say it and when. One who can't find the right words so end up saying anything and everything wrong, And one who can never find the right words and after trying and trying in their head they just give up and end up saying nothing which sometimes is so much worse" Costia says honestly. "You are the last. You think and think and then just say nothing, but you have a girl at home, a girl that loves you, a girl you happen to love right back. Yet you're scared of the future possibilities and scared to talk to her about it. So I guess the question is what sort of person do you want to be? Someone who just lets everything go by maybe even the girl you love because you're to scared to talk? Or someone who at least tries to express things, it might not come out right but Clarke will understand that" Costia shrugs handing the ball over to Lexa's court.  
  
  
\----  
  
  
She was lost in thought all the way home thinking about Costia's words of advice. She was right, with everything. She was so deeply in love with Clarke that she had become so blind, so scared while her fears had got the better of her. Clarke had proven she was in Love with Lexa repeatedly and Lexa kicks herself for doubting it even for a second as her insecurity's got the better of her. How could she doubt that? How could she doubt the way Clarke looked at her? How when she made Love to Lexa she could see blue pupils blown wide with want, hunger, love and adoration. She would always watch as Lexa reached her high like she was hypnotised by such beauty and she couldn't do anything but watch before crashing her own desperate lips on Lexa's while whimpering without even needing to be touched. It was exhilarating to have Clarke whimpering above her by doing nothing but enjoy the pleasure that Clarke had rippling threw every muscle Lexa had.  
  
Thinking about Sex with Clarke in the car was a very bad idea.   
  
Lexa crosses her legs subconsciously unable to stop her mind from continuing to wonder. She kept her gaze out the window ignoring the howling wind as she traces every memory of Clarke's kissed swollen lips. She bites down on her bottom lip as she pictures the look in Clarke's eyes when ever Lexa parts the kiss, the look that say's 'where do you think you're going?' before chasing Lexa's lips more hungrier than before. Pale skin is all that Lexa can all of a sudden think about with the way Clarke always bends one leg at the knee for better access as Lexa's finger tips tease her inner thigh, the way Clarke's fingers bury themselves in Lexa's mane, gripping and pulling with every jolt of pleasure that ripples threw her, the way her walls clench tightly around Lexa in away that doesn't need words to Let Lexa know she's Cumming. Then there is that moan. God that moan.   
It's captivating really, the way her neck stretches back against the pillow as her mouth opens only no sound leave's it, her breath is hitched and her cheeks are pink and just when you think her throat won't allow any sound to come out you hear it, the husky yet desperate moan while her body shakes in pleasure.  
  
"Hmm"  
  
"What's that?" Costia questioned turning to face the brunette curiously.  
  
"Oh nothing" Lexa quickly says not daring to chance a glance at her best friend with her now pink cheeks flushed with embarrassment.  
  
"Thought you said something" Costia says confused as she pulls up to the Griffins house.   
  
"Nope" Lexa says quickly opening the door. "Thank you for today"   
  
"You're welcome" Costia smiles "I missed you ya know" She admits  
  
"I missed you two" Lexa says honestly before shutting the door and moving as quickly as possible to the front door before she gets soaked by the rain.  
  
\--  
  
The moment she pushed past the front door in the warmth of her home her smile instantly appeared. It wasn't that she was welcomed at the door, or Clarke was standing their waiting for her. It was the familiar warmth that hit her again, the familiar smell that filled her nose and the way some of her shoes were already by the door. God she never realised how much she loved coming home until she left the hospital. Just as she placed her foot on the first step of the stairs she paused noticing the kitchen light on slightly lighting the hallway. She smiled to herself for what felt like the thousandth time as she pushed the kitchen door open to reveal her favourite blonde standing their in nothing but a long shirt which Lexa was sure was Jake's and her hair was slightly wet to one side. She knew she shouldn't but she couldn't help herself she leaned against the doorframe not wanting to disturb Clarke's peaceful moment while she stirred something infront of  her while she spoke to herself.  
  
"Absolutely starving" the blonde muttered to herself as she continued to stir the pot while Lexa held back her giggle as she continued to watch the blonde move around the kitchen to reach for a bowl and fork before reaching for the pan stirring it one last time and tearing some in her bowl.  Lexa was amused as her girlfriend leaned against the kitchen counter blowing on her hot food before taking a bite, Lexa's eyes quickly trailed the length of milky skin revealing her legs where the shirt stops only stopping her mind from racing when she hears Clarke speak once more.  
  
"Who say's I can't cook!?" She questions talking to non other than her food as she takes a mouthful once more.  
  
"Everyone Apparently" Lexa says gently her smile growing even wider as Clarke spins around slightly stunned her confused face quickly turning in to a gentle smile.  
  
"Yeah well what do they know?" Clarke questioned watching her girlfriend stepping towards her until her arms wrapped around Lexa's neck. "When did you get here?" Clarke whispers nuzzling her nose against Lexa's.  
  
"About five minutes ago" Lexa confesses her smile even wider as blue eyes twinkle with a knowing look.  
  
"You have been watching me" Clarke hums placing a gentle kiss on Lexa's lips. "Creep" She whispers with a smirk nuzzling her nose against Lexa's once more.  
  
"I was worried" Lexa breaths her mind already cloudy with the intoxicating fumes Clarke seemed to constantly have around her as she places her hand on Clarke's hips unable to stop them from slowly crawling lower and lower.  
  
"Worried?" Clarke husks. Lexa knows her focus is on her trailing hand, the hand that edge's over the shirt and on to Clarke's cold pale thigh.  
  
"Hmm" Lexa hums watching Clarke swallow hard while her eyes close in the slightest at such a gentle touch before quickly opening them again trying to focus, but the hard swallow proves she's struggling. "You were talking to your food" Lexa admits already beginning to move her other hand in the same direction as the other. When finger tips touch Clarke's other thigh Lexa was sure Clarke already loses herself in to desire with only gentle finger tips touching her legs.  
  
"Hmm" Clarke hums pressing her forehead to Lexa's her eyes willingly closing as Lexa's finger's push up from her thigh back to her hip raising the shirt as she goes. "Lex" Clarke whispers a plea yet a question, but Lexa ignores it. She's not sure what's came over her or what's gave her the new found confidence to do this as she had never initiated sex once with Clarke as she was always to nervous but thankfully Clarke always took control anyway and thankfully wanted it just as much as Lexa. Only since the accident their had been no sex life the most was kissing and gentle touches as Clarke kept saying she needed to heal. As Lexa's fingers continued to move across her hip, back down her thigh until Clarke was whimpering against her lips. That was when Lexa felt Clarke's fingers slip in her mane gripping it gently as she released a unsteady breath, their lips were mere inches apart and Clarke was completely intoxicating. When Lexa hooked her fingers under Clarke's underwear blue eyes opened with a questioning look but that question was silently answered as Lexa pulled the underwear down Clarke's thighs teasingly slow until they were lose enough to drop the rest of the way. Blue eyes remained fixated on Lexa's movement but it didn't help Clarke's breathing almost panting for more despite not actually doing anything yet.  
  
"You are so beautiful" Lexa confesses before roughly pushing Clarke's hips against the kitchen side while pushing her body roughly against Clarke's.   
  
"Fuck" Clarke muttered not expecting the sudden movement but her chest was quickly panting for breath as she gripped Lexa's hair even tighter. "Lex" She husked once more blue eyes suddenly unable to look away from Lexa's delicate plump lips as she swallows hard once more. If Lexa wasn't already turned on by just the thought of Clarke, then how Clarke looked right now would have done it, the way her body leaned more in to Lexa's aching for a touch yet not quite begging, the way her eyes darkened and became hypnotised on Lexa's lips like she was ready to ravish them with everything she had, while her breathing struggled to calm. She only made Lexa want her more. So she kissed her, she kissed her so suddenly Clarke didn't expect it causing a her to growl out a moan before gripping Lexa's mane even tighter. She could feel Clarke's eager lips hungry against her own as she didn't wait for the kiss to build, instead she pushing her tongue in Lexa's mouth needing to taste her already, needing to feel her completely. When Lexa reached up and quickly started undoing the top three buttons of Clarke's shirt she could feel Clarke getting ready to take control so Lexa bit Clarke's bottom lip hard for punishment pushing her body tighter against Clarke to keep her trapped.   
  
"I want you" Lexa confessed her voice dropping to a husky whisper as she pushed Clarke's half done up shirt to hang perfectly of her shoulder's yet still protecting her modesty. "You have no idea" she breathes lost in pale skin, blue eyes and heavy breaths while trailing her finger tips along Clarke's collar bone causing her neck to tilt to the side for better access. Unable to resist any longer she attaches her lips to pulsing skin sucking and nipping until Clarke is a withering mess with grip's of hair and husky moans making her body rock in to Lexa always wanting to fight for more because her body cant quite take it. In one sudden swift movement Lexa places her hand's around Clarke's thighs lifting her up and on to the kitchen counter causing her lips to part Lexa's neck.  
  
"Fuck" Clarke pants and when Green eyes connect with blue its a sight she hadn't seen before, Lexa had seen Clarke's pupils blown, but not like this. Clarke's eyes were wide with want and hunger and so fucking turned on that she was practically rocking against the kitchen counter as she attacked Lexa's lips greedily, desperately. She could feel Clarke's ache with every touch every growl and every pull of her hair. Clarke needed her, she wanted her. Lexa lost herself two.  
With every pull Clarke gave Lexa pushed even harder wanting to give Clarke the friction she fort for. When Lexa trailed her lips down Clarke's neck it was ridiculous how turned on she was by just watching Clarke grip the kitchen counter to stabilise herself as her moans seemed to come out more erratic and desperate than ever before. "Lexa" Clarke said more clearly the pleading in her tone already their. "God" she moaned gripping Lexa's jacket in a death grip to keep her from moving away, from keeping her losing any contact even in the slightest as she wrapped her legs around Lexa's waist. "I want you. God I always want you" Clarke moaned breathlessly as she nipped and sucked along Lexa's jaw line before ripping Lexa's jacket from her shoulders and roughly pushing it to the ground as she quickly attacked Lexa's lips once more. Watching her girlfriend beg, and quiver in all kinds of ways that she hadn't quite seen before had Lexa's heart pounding and her fingers itching to be between cold pale thighs. Without wanting to tease her girlfriend any longer she trailed her finger's slowly against Clarke's inner thigh giving her warning of what's to come and time to stop her if it's not what she wanted. She watched the heavy pants increased while Clarke tried to lean on something one hand in Lexa's hair the other gripping the kitchen counter while resting her forehead against Lexa's trying to calm herself before she losses herself completely.  
  
"You're soaked" Lexa breaths against Clarke's parted lips. She almost doesn't believe how wet Clarke is but Clarke's erratic desperate nodding of confirmation in hope she will fill Lexa's fingers even sooner had Clarke smirking at such a state she could make the blonde become. A sexy beautiful state.  
  
"Oh. Fuck" Clarke moans her face scrunching up in the sexiest of ways and Lexa can only watch every flicker of movement as Lexa pushes her finger's slowly but deeply in to Clarke causing her to grip Lexa's hair, silently telling Lexa it feel's so fucking good. Everything about touching Clarke this time has been different from the way Lexa initiated it to the way she kept control down to Clarke's completely different reactions. With the new found confidence and Clarke's desperate moans it give's Lexa the confidence to try something different. With one quick single thrust she pulls her fingers back until their almost out before quickly thrusting it back in again. The reaction is delicious. Clarke's body jolting in surprise with a deathly moan her hand on the counter ungrasping and finding a new home in the other side of Lexa's hair as she pants for oxygen against Lexa's lips.  
  
So fucking delicious.  
  
So she does it again with a single thrust getting the same reaction making Clarke's legs open wider eagerly for more. So she does quick yet single thrust repeatedly feeling Clarke's fingers tighten around her thick mane, breaths mingling together while green eyes never once look away from Clarke's face. Never once miss the way her forehead scrunches up as Lexa forces her fingers deeper until Clarke's moan hitches in her throat and her toes  curl desperately for more. Lexa can't handle it anymore, she can't she slams her lips desperately against Clarke's biting and sucking while feeling the vibrations of each and every moan as she pushes faster and harder in to Clarke until she feels her walls clenching around her finger's knowing any minute now.  
  
"Fuck" Clarke screams her head dropping back as her neck strains till it's a shade of pink while her breath hitches her body shake's and her walls clench one last thrust has Clarke trembling out her final husky sexy moan that Lexa has grew so addicted to and she swears their is nothing more beautiful than the way the blonde's lips shape like a 'o' as her forehead scrunches with eyes clamped shut while her breathing struggled to compose itself.  
  
"Hi" Lexa whispers after feeling Clarke's grip slack her legs turn to jelly around her while her tight shut eyes become more relaxed. She places gentle kisses around Clarke's neck and along her shoulder until Clarke is smiling lazily yet equally as beautiful.  
  
"Hi" Clarke responds her voice barely audible. "What was that?" Clarke questioned still shocked yet extremely satisfied causing Lexa to shyly smile and Clarke found it even the more cuter how her shy girlfriend could become so dominant then back to the shy little thing she really was. The sight had Clarke's eyes closing happily as she leaned more in to Lexa snaking her arms around her neck. "I don't know where that came from, but I hope you aren't done" Clarke said teasingly before gently rocking her body back in to Lexa's already wanting to be dominated again. Lexa couldn't help but laugh pulling her back slightly to look her girlfriend in the eyes, she was so overwhelmed, so fucking overwhelmed she knew their was much to talk about, and Costia was right she should speak to her because she loved Clarke, and Clarke loved her but right now she just wanted to get lost in one another.  
  
"We should go upstairs" Lexa said softly nuzzling her nose against Clarke's before placing a lingering kiss on the blonde's lips. She placed her hand's around Clarke's waist helping her get down only when her girlfriends legs touched the floor they gave in for just a second causing the brunette to tighten her grip.  
  
"I love you" Clarke said honestly as her legs started to work. "Like really love you" she said softly studying green eyes and Lexa knew. She knew she really, really did.  
  
"I really love you two" Lexa smiled capturing her girlfriends lips in a slower more passionate kiss that soon had them heading towards their bedroom.  
  
\---  
  
"Good morning sugar lips" Clarke whispers against Lexa's lazy sleepy body placing small but tender kisses along Lexa's naked body rocking her body teasingly in to Lexa's with a smirk.  
  
"Sugar lips?" Lexa questioned cutely her forehead scrunched up in delight Clarke's body rocks gently in to hers.  
  
"Umm" Clarke hums smirking against the crock of Lexa's neck. "they taste so good" Clarke admits reaching up to bite Lexa' bottom lip. "You're so cute when you're tired" Clarke laughs her mind wondering back to last night as they worshipped one another's body for hours desperately before passion took over completely making everything feel more heightened.  
  
"Umm" Lexa hummed finally peaking her eyes open with smiling lips and Clarke swears its so adorable. "How are you awake?" Lexa questioned more confused than ever. "You're in love with sleep"  
  
"Well" Clarke smirks teasingly placing gentle kisses to sleepy lips. "There is something I like more than sleep" She breaths placing kiss after kiss unable to detach from the woman she loves as she rocks gently in to Lexa once more.  
  
"Hmm" Lexa moans causing Clarke's mind to instantly go fuzzy but a smirk growing wider on her lips as Lexa's fingers bury in blonde locks.  "Me?" Lexa answers knowingly.  
  
"Umm" Clarke hums in confirmation already nipping at Lexa's earlobe ready for another round.  
  
"Knock, knock bitches" Anya pounces in the room unexpected.  
  
"What the fuck!" Clarke screeches quickly gripping the sheets to Lexa's body before gripping it against her own.  
  
"Err!" Anya cringes "Were you two like, having sex?" Anya smirks realising what she has walked in on as she crosses her arms across her chest casually string at the girl.  
  
"Get the fuck out my room!" Clarke snaps "Why the hell are you in my house again!"  
  
"Wanted to make sure you were looking after Lexa properly" Anya smirks "I can see you are" She laughs making Lexa go a bright shade of red. "How's the stitches Lex? Not ripped them again by I duno? Sex?" She questioned smugly.  
  
"I really do try to see the best in people but seriously, she makes it impossible" Clarke says directly at Lexa giving up on telling Anya to leave because she just knew she wouldn't, instead she slouches back on her pillow gripping the sheets.  
  
"Hello I'm right here you know?" Anya says rolling her eyes.  
  
"Oh I know! You're always here! Everyone knows You're here Anya!" Clarke snaps from her pillow.  
  
"I knocked"  
  
"No! No you did not! You said Knock Knock as you were already in the flipping room!" Clarke pointed out sitting back up annoyed.  
  
"Shut up moaning would you, its the same thing" Anya brushes of her smirk returning. "Does Mr and Mrs griffin know you're doing the dirty"  
  
"Anya!" Clarke snaps.  
  
"Anya" Lexa says a little embarrassed. "Can.. Um can we meet you down stairs?" Lexa questioned feeling more uncomfortable at the thought of just a sheet covering her body.  
  
"Yeah course see you down their" Anya says waving them of to go downstairs.  
  
"What the hell!" Clarke says more annoyed but left open mouthed as her girlfriend just laughs before shuffling around to get some clothes. "How did you do that?" She questioned not really caring anymore as her eyes stay trained on Lexa godly body.  
  
"She just loves to annoy you" Lexa laughs leaning over the bed after throwing a top over her body. "Eyes up" She teases.  
  
\---  
  
It was pure cruel and she knew it, she ignored Lexa's disapproving stare but Clarke couldn't help it as she bit down a laugh while watching Anya spread toast on the kitchen counted. The exact spot where Clarke was naked from the waist down and being fucked magnificently by her girlfriend. Lexa nudged her shoulder again ordering her to stop and be nice yet she knew Lexa would be way to embarrassed to tell Anya what actually happened on that kitchen side last night so it fell to her, and Clarke choose to smirk and watch instead. It's what she gets for constantly annoying her, and constantly walking in when she could possibly be getting lucky with her girlfriend, I mean have you seen her? God the ache will be their all day now thanks to her awfully timed cousin.  
  
"So are you in?" Anya questioned biting threw her toast as she turns around and Clarke holds back her laugh with a jab to the arm from Lexa.  
  
"Hmm" Clarke tries to get in with the conversation. "Isn't that illegal?" She questioned.  
  
"Technically but come on who will know?" Anya questioned "It will be fun and different and you're friends can come? I know the door man so it's cool" She nods taking another bite of her toast with a hum of delight causing Clarke to bite down her lip in a giggle. "You're being weird" Anya points out "Why are you being weird?"  
  
"I'm not being weird!" Clarke quickly composes herself.  "When is it?"  
  
"Tomorrow night. At Tony's" She says "It should be fun, its like a bar slash Club it kind of changes as the night goes on to be honest"  
  
"Lex?" Clarke questioned turning to face her girlfriend "Do you want to try it?" She questioned.  
  
"If you want to" Lexa shrugs knowing its not her kind of thing especially drinking but she would go if Clarke did.  
  
"Were in" Clarke says after a moment. "I'll invite Raven and a few friends" Clarke smirks now finding the perfect time to piss of her cousin "Oh you should invite Costia" Clarke says quickly "Raven would love it" she says widening her eyes at her girlfriend to go along however Lexa didn't get that but say's ok anyway looking at her girlfriend oddly for widening her eyes.  
  
"Why would she love that?" Anya questioned eagerly but trying to play it casual.  
  
"Oh nothing" Clarke waves it off. "Just girly stuff"  
  
"Tell me. I want to know as well"  
  
"Oh just Raven think's she is super hot!" Clarke lies smirking as her cousin looks in though. She is just pure evil she know's it the devil can take her and have it way but god this is so worth it to teach her stupid cousin to stop pissing her off.  
  
"Does she?" Lexa questioned like she was learning something new and Clarke really struggled not to laugh this time.  
  
"Yeah" she lies casually "I mean she is though right?" She says  
  
"Yeah" Lexa says casually earning a playful glare from Clarke.  
  
"If you're blind and stupid" Anya mutters  
  
"Sorry what was that?"  
  
"Oh nothing" Anya says quickly brushing it of and trying to act cool. "Well I'm off i'll see you at Tony's"  
  
"Yeah" Clarke smirks "Oh and Anya" Clarke calls smirk well in play as she watches her cousin turn to face her  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Me and Lexa had sex on that kitchen counter last night where you spread you're toast"  
  
The toast instantly dropped from Anya's hand with a face of disgust while Lexa elbowed Clarke in the side her face flushing pink but all Clarke could do was laugh.  
  
"You are fucking disgusting!" Anya growls.  
  
"Paybacks a bitch" She smirks. "Don't fuck with me oh cousin of mine"  
  
  


**Thanks for reading hope you all enjoy! So I have a question for all of you as I love when you all get involved. Lexa will become Jealous very Clearly in the next chapter, I would love to hear what you would love to read why she is? What happens? And maybe how you would love for her to react? I would love to read your ideas and happily take them in to consideration. Also I think it would be more challenging to base the next chapter on a song, so any songs guys and ill write how the stories kind of based on the lyrics or what it gives out to me anyway :)  
**

 


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa gets jealous. 
> 
> Written too  
> James Arthur - Say you won't let go.

**Lost And Insecure!  
**

Due to her mom being at work and her Dad still in hospital Clarke came up with a dumb idea, a really dumb fucking idea. Why she invited everyone to come around her house beforehand was becoming the biggest mystery of her life as she was pushed out the way of her own mirror for what felt like the hundredth time. She shook her head in annoyance as she pulled at her crop top listening to Raven and Octavia shout along to the booming music wishing Anya would hurry up with their pre drinks.  
"We are never ever ever getting back together" Octavia sang briefly pausing her mascara to face Raven in which Raven acted hurt.  
  
"Drinks!" Anya announced with a cheeky grin as she placed them down on top of the cupboard. Almost instantly Octavia and Raven quickly dropped their make up and moved over to the drinks with eager and excited smiles to get started on their new experience in a bar. Clarke wasn't feeling as enthusiastic as the other girls so instead she took advantage of the free mirror to quickly fix her outfit. She pulled at her black crop top once more making sure her boobs were comfortable before running her hands down her shorts and focusing on her heels.  
  
"Yeah! Yeah! You look hot get your sexy butt over here!" Anya laughed holding out a tequila shot to her baby cousin with a genuine smile.  
  
"Poor baby is missing her other half" Raven teased pouting her bottom lip.  
  
"I am not" Clarke defended grabbing her clutch bag of the side before joining the little circle they had made.  
  
"She's only in the other room!" Anya smirked secretly loving how sickly her and Lexa were.  
  
"I don't miss her" Clarke defended once more. "I just.." She said nervously "Can't wait to see what she's wearing" Clarke shrugged while the other girls laughed. "Laugh all you like, I don't care. I love her" She admitted taking her shot from Anya's waiting hand.  
  
\--  
  
"I don't know" Lexa said nervously looking at herself in the mirror. "Maybe I should just stay here" Lexa muttered turning in the mirror to look at herself from all angles.  
  
"Shut up" Costia instantly said shutting her down. "You look absolutely gorgeous! Trust me!" She pleaded appearing from Jake and Abby's ensuite in a skin tight white dress looking stunning which only caused Lexa to become even more self-conscious. Despite already having had her legs out before around the group of friends she still felt nervous and it certainly didn't help the situation as she thought of how full the place Anya had promised it was going to be.  
  
"I just feel.." Lexa stuttered pushing her hair over one shoulder as her body started to heat up with nerves while she traced over her almost healed wounds around her face.  
  
"Lex Trust me. Clarke will love it" Lexa dropped her gaze to the floor before meeting Costia's eye once more with a nervous smile.  
  
"Was it that obvious?" Lexa questioned twitching her lip nervously feeling silly.  
  
"A little" Costia smirked. "You keep looking to the bedroom door as if you're waiting for her to walk in and make everything better" She admitting shrugging her shoulder like it was nothing.  
  
"Sorry"  
  
"Don't. I love that she makes you this way" Costia admits turning to check herself over once more in the mirror. "Ready? I'm sure the girls are waiting"  
  
"Ready as ill ever be" Lexa said her confidence not showing in the slightest as she follows Costia out the bedroom and down the hall only to come to a abrupt stop when Costia stops infront of her putting her finger to her own lip in silence hearing the girls talking.  
  
"I don't miss her. I Just.. Cant wait to see what she's wearing" They heard Clarke say making Costia teasingly waggle her eyes brows at Lexa while the other girls just laughed. "Laugh all you like, I don't care. I love her" Clarke added which instantly made Lexa light up in the darkened hall while Costia awed at her silently.  
  
"It's kind of nice seeing you like this. It's different" Octavia said making Lexa lean closer towards the door knowing she shouldn't be listening but unable to stop herself from doing so.  
  
"It feels different." Clarke said the room falling silent.  
  
"She's so cute" Costia whispered smirking at Lexa until the brunette was blushing.  
  
"I trust her" Clarke said filling the silence once more. "and I've never felt this way about anyone."  
  
"Ok, ok enough mush!" Raven announced. "You love her, best sex you ever had, and you do nothing but constantly think about her! We get it" she teased. "Stop making me jealous" Raven ordered making all the girls laugh  
  
"Cheers girls" Anya said clinking their glasses all together.  
  
"Best sex" Costia whispered while nudging Lexa like she couldn't hear it herself "Always the silent ones" she laughs shaking her head teasingly causing Lexa to nudge her.  
  
"Stop" she pleaded her gaze to the ground as she tries to compose herself  
  
"Ok, ok" Costia smirked taking a few extra steps forward till she was pushing Clarke and Lexa's bedroom door open. "Girlies" Costia greeted with Lexa following her behind.  
  
"There you are! Was getting ready to sent a search party" Raven joked.  
  
Every single nerve fell of Lexa shoulders when she stepped inside the room nervously. She found Clarke immediately but it seemed Clarke found her first with blue eyes already trailing the length of her body taking in her outfit and not so innocently taking a little more time on her naked legs. That one look did much more than Clarke could ever know, that one look gave her the confidence Lexa was searching for, that one look had her heart fluttering faster the longer Clarke's eyes struggled to tear themselves away. Only when blue eyes connected with green did Lexa's shy smile return knowing her girlfriend had been eye fucking her without a care in the world who was present.  
  
"Hi" Lexa said shyly stepping closer to her girlfriend.  
  
"Hi yourself" Clarke husked reaching her hand out to entangle with Lexa's as she pulled her close. "You have a way with clothes" Clarke breaths dropping her eyes between their now close bodies eye fucking Lexa shamelessly once more before biting her bottom lip not even attempting to raise her gaze back up.  
  
"You look beautiful" Lexa finally admits her eyes falling on Clarke's bare stomach.  
  
"So do you" Clarke breaths blue eyes now trained on green as she pulls on Lexa's hand pulling her even closer so she could rest her hand on her hip. "How's your stitches?" Clarke questioned moving her hand gently over the material where her stitches would be.  
  
"good" Lexa admits her eyes flickering between Clarke's lips and her blue eyes.  
  
"Wow!" Octavia smirks. "They really are gross" She laughs causing the other girls to do the same. "Get a room" She smirks wiggling her brows.  
  
"We have a room" Clarke says without turning to face her friends. "You happen to be in it" she says smugly unable to stop her eyes dropping to Lexa's delicate glossed lips.  
  
"Come on Ladies!" Costia announced "The boys are downstairs, lets not keep them waiting" She grinned rolling her eyes as everyone seemed to move out the room accept Lexa and Clarke oblivious to everything as they whispered to one another. She decided to give the two a minute so quickly followed the others downstairs.  
  
"Why are we going out again?" Clarke whispered her eyes unable to stop from wondering down Lexa's pink playsuit while her fingers gripped around Lexa's hips.  
  
"You thought it would be a good idea" Lexa whispered back her smile already causing a ache to her jaw.  
  
"Hmm. My idea sucks" Clarke hummed eyes fixed on Lexa's lips as she inches closer. "Do you have any idea how much I just want to take that off?" Clarke whispered inching closer until she could smell Lexa's cheery lip gloss and see her throat swallow harshly. "You're so sexy" she confesses leaning forward to capture Lexa's lips in a teasing peck instantly having Lexa's chasing her own wanting more. She smirked as Lexa's hooded eyes looking at her in disappointment with puckered lips hoping for a little more.  
  
"We should get downstairs" Clarke said with a teasing smirk before biting her bottom lip. "If we stay here, I don't think we will leave" Clarke whispers pressing her forehead to Lexa's before tracing Lexa's bottom lip with her thumb.  
  
"I love you" Lexa says placing a gentle kiss to Clarke's thumb.  
  
"Hmm" Clarke hums in Lexa's warm words closing her eyes with a gentle smile. "I love you two" she breaths placing another gentle kiss to Lexa's lips teasingly. "Come on Legs" she smirks her hands already trailing down Lexa's bare thighs.  
  
"Legs?" Lexa says amusingly with a funny look in her eyes never having Clarke call her that before.  
  
"umm hmm" she nods "Have you seen them?" she smirks letting her hands spread across Lexa's thighs gripping the skin gently but playfully. "Their so long" she whispers "And sexy" she husks burying her face in Lexa's mane to whisper in her ear. "I happen to love long sexy legs" She confesses before slipping away from Lexa with a teasing smile and a wink. Lexa just stood their dumfounded as her girlfriend disappeared downstairs with a giggle.  
  
\--  
  
Anya immediately raised her arms in the air as she swayed her body to the music pushing threw the crowds to get to the bar while everyone following closely behind. Lexa wasn't sure what she was expecting tonight to be like and in someway she pictured it more like the house parties she had been to but instead of school friends they would be all strangers. Yet as Lexa followed behind Clarke with their hands tightly gripping one another Lexa couldn't help but look around the new environment nervously. The music was louder than it ever had been at any party, everyone dressed up either classy or slutty while throwing shots and any other alcoholic drink down their neck as friends cheered them on while most men had wondering eyes like they were on the hunt for a good night.  
  
"What are you drinking?" Clarke shouted leaning closer to Lexa's ear so she could hear.  
  
"What ever you're having" Lexa shouted back squeezing Clarke's hand tighter as she looked around nervously once more seeing more than one set of eyes looking towards their small group of friends.  
  
"Breathe" Clarke ordered with a grin placing her hand confidently on Lexa's hip as she pulled her close. "You're with all of us. Stop looking so worried" She says gently pushing brown locks over Lexa's shoulder.  
  
"Sorry" Lexa said nervously shaking her head in hope to get in the zone while she fort of her anxiety.  
  
"Here!" Anya shouted handing over their drinks "Malibu and Coke!" She smirked "A drink that you will deeply regret in the morning Ladies! Now drink up!" she grinned taking a taste of her own. "There is a empty booth over there I'll go secure it before it gets taken" Anya said quickly weaving in and out of people who were dancing.  
  
"Lexa come toilet with me?" Costia pleads interrupting the two love birds in their tender embrace.  
  
"Ok" She says looking to Clarke for permission who only rolled her eyes playfully before taking Lexa's drink.  
  
"Behave" Clarke warns jokingly while placing multiple kisses to Lexa's lips. "I'll be in the booth" she adds before following the rest of her friends to the group.  
  
Clarke's hand was replaced by Costia's as she pulled Lexa in to the toilets where she noticed many girls reapplying their make up while talking to strangers in the mirror beside them in their drunken state.  
  
"I'm bursting!" Costia cries pulling Lexa in the cubicle with her before quickly pulling her underwear down and lifting her dress desperately letting her bladder go with relief.  
  
"there are so many people here" Lexa says anxiously while Costia finished of her business and flushed the toilet.  
  
"There is" Costia says understanding "but forget about them, just be here with us." she encourages trying to wash her fears away. "We're here to have a nice night, a good time and to get drunk so I want you focused on that not everyone around us got it?" Costia questioned unlocking the door.  
  
"Got it"  
  
"Good now lets get some sneaky drinks to warm up before we join the girls" she smirks pulling Lexa back to the opposite end of the bar before ordering four tequila shots.  
  
"Ergh" Lexa cringes after throwing the first one back the bitter taste only getting worse on her tongue.  
  
"Wimp" Costia teases pushing the second shot towards Lexa who couldn't hold back her cringe at the thought of taking another shot.  
  
"I don't know how you drink" Lexa confesses sticking her tongue out to rid the taste of the first shot.  
  
"How are we friends again?" Costia teases bringing the second shot to her lips before tipping it back making Lexa do the same.  
  
"Ergh" Lexa gags slamming her shot glass back on the bar happily pushing it as far away as possible. "They are disgusting" She confesses.  
  
"You will get use to it" Costia laughs shaking her head at her best friend before ordering two more shots.  
  
"No" Lexa cringes "I'm not drinking any more of those. Besides we should drink responsibly" she points out shaking her head in disgust at taking one more.  
  
"I'm drinking without spilling any aren't I?" Costia questioned with a smirk as she picks up her third shot while giving the other to Lexa. " That's responsible enough. Now drink" she orders throwing her tequila shot back causing Lexa to regrettably do the same.  
  
"Ergh urh" she cringes her eye clamped shut as her body cringes up in disgust causing Costia to laugh more.  
  
"You know, the more you do that the more I want you to have another one"  
  
"Never again" Lexa said seriously looking at the empty shot glass like it was the devil itself. She looked around the dance floor seeing Anya and Raven already dancing with Roan and Bellamy beside them. "Oh yeah, Clarke said something about Raven thought you were hot" Lexa remembered shrugging her shoulders.  
  
"Raven Reyres?" Costia questioned a confused smirk on her face as she looks over to the wild dancing girl. "Thought she had the hots for Anya?"  
  
"Yeah" Lexa nods not sure who the hell really likes who. "It was just what Clarke said the other day"  
  
"weird" Costia furrows her brows "Shall we dance?" Costia questioned. "Looks like the group are already enjoying the dance floor" Costia laughs seeing Roan dancing terribly as he jumps up and down like he was at a festival.  
  
"Where's Clarke?" Lexa questioned her eyes unable to find her amongst her group of friends.  
  
"I'm guessing in the booth like she said she would be" Costia shrugs as both girls eyes wonder over to their seating area.  
  
As soon as green eyes fall on the blonde she couldn't stop her self from staring from afar, with her head tilted back in laughter while swirling the straw to Lexa's drink. The way her eyes kept looking out in to the mountain of people in search for something while trying to keep her focus on what Fin was saying. The way her leg crossed over the other while keeping her skirt pulled down respectfully. She lost herself, completely and blissfully admiring her girlfriend, unable to notice her best friend laughing beside her till she nudged her shoulder and pulled at her hand.  
  
"Come on you dork" she laughs pulling Lexa closer to Clarke.  
  
"Hi" Costia interrupts "This one was eye fucking you from across the room so I thought I would deliver her personally to exactly where she wanted to be" She rushes before catching a breath and grabbing a drink from the table.  
  
"Finny boy!" Costia points "Dance. Now" She orders pulling him by the shirt which he had no objection too.  
  
"Not dancing?" Lexa asked surprised knowing exactly how her girlfriend loves to dance and how well she moves her body.  
  
"I was waiting for you" Clarke breaths leaning closer placing a hand on Lexa's cheek. "You look absolutely incredible by the way" Clarke hums her finger tips tracing over Lexa's healing wounds.  
  
"You said that already"  
  
"I know" Clarke says seriously her eyes dancing around Lexa's face in concentration. "I wanted to tell you again" Clarke confesses closing the distance between them to taste Lexa's lips only to smile when Lexa's responds eagerly. Clarke kept her gentle grip on Lexa's cheek not wanting her to more nor part the kiss as she deepened it forgetting the music, their friends and the alcohol they had yet to drink. Their lips parted for mere seconds while Clarke changed the angle and dove right back in giving Lexa no time at all to catch her breath, god she was so addictive.  
  
"Love birds come on!" Anya interrupted a little breathless as she slides in the booth opposite the lovebirds. "Did you know the best way to shut a girl up is to kiss them? Lexa maybe she is trying to tell you something" Anya widened her eyes teasingly before taking a few desperate swigs of her drink.  
  
"If that were true then I'd fricking kiss you myself" Clarke says quickly. "Yet it seems nothing can shut you up"  
  
"Cheers to that" Anya grins proudly looking over to the group of friends all dancing near one another completely oblivious to the look Clarke and Lexa exchange as Lexa smiles knowingly of the routine these too have.  
  
"Costia looks smoking hot tonight in that white dress" Clarke starts while placing her hand on Lexa's bare thigh before looking over her shoulder to the group of friends all dancing.   
  
"Yup" Anya says quickly not paying attention to anything anyone is wearing other than the Latina making Clarke smirk at how obvious she was starring. She decided to teach her cousin a lesson for not telling her.  
  
"I think someone's caught her eye though" Clarke says shrugging her shoulders.  
  
"Oh?" Anya questioned playing it cool as she takes another bit of her drink. "anyone we know?"  
  
"I think she's in to Raven" Costia said looking back over to her friends. "I Mean there even dancing closer now look" She says turning back to face Anya who's brows were furrowed in concentration. She loved that she knew Anya better than anyone, its like she could see the clogs turning in her brain as she relives recent conversations they had all had up to now and the grip of her jaw confirms exactly what Lexa had told her.  
  
"Um I did tell her that Raven thought she was hot" Lexa admits still completely oblivious to everything as she looks at her best friend dancing beside Raven thinking nothing of it. Clarke struggled not to laugh at her dorky girlfriend so instead squeezed her thigh secretly thanking her that she made this so much easier to tease Anya.  
  
"Maybe we could double date" Clarke suggest looking in to green eyes before turning to face her cousin.  
  
"Absolutely not" Anya snaps which almost broke Clarke in to laughter but only just kept it together.  
  
"What? Why?" Clarke asks seriously "I don't see why not?"  
  
"Nope. No. Not happening" Anya says more clearly standing straight  looking over to the dancing girls. "She's not interested"  
  
"How do you know?"   
  
"Because I do" Anya says firmly placing her glass back on the table "Excuse me" She says more sternly making Clarke laugh as she barged past the crows directly infront of Raven telling Costia something with a glare before pulling Raven with her in the opposite direction.  
  
"She's to easy" Clarke laughed turning back to Lexa who was sipping on her Malibu and coke like it was water with the most innocent look. "Is that nice?" Clarke questioned with a smirk across her face already leaning closer to her extremely cute girlfriend.  
  
"It is actually. I Think I found my drink" Lexa confesses having not took a liking to any other so far even the beer at parties was terrible.  
  
"Hmm Dance with me" Clarke ordered her smile never leaving its secure spot it possessed when Lexa was around.  
  
\---  
  
Lexa's anxiety was long forgotten as she danced with her girlfriend and all their friends. She couldn't remember a time she threw her head back in laughter so much as the group had formed a small circle dancing with one another freely, exaggerating on certain dance moves and singing loudly to one another like the sky was the limit. She smiled and she laughed and loved how when ever she wondered to far across the circle for to long Clarke would find her pull at her hip or wrist until they were flush against one another again while Lexa sang along to the words causing Clarke to snake her arms slowly around Lexa's neck with the most adorable smile crossing her lips. Lexa would live in that embrace if she could with her forehead pressed to Clarke's as they swayed in sync with one another, nothing about it was sexual yet somehow it was exactly that by just the way they held one another unable to tear their eyes away until a extremely rude friend would pull them apart with banter and teasing.  
  
"Tequila shots" Costia announced carrying a small tray with a smirk towards Lexa.  
  
"Cos!" Lexa whined watching everyone else take their shot from the tray eagerly while Clarke grabbed her own and Lexa's.  
  
"No whining" Costia ordered her smirk looking like it was ready to burst in to a laugh.  
  
"So you like Malibu but not tequila?" Clarke teased handing her shot over to Lexa who regrettably took it her face already scrunched up at the thought of tasting it again.  
  
"It's vile" She confessed scrunching her nose up.  
  
"Bottoms up guys!" Costia announced raising her shot glass as everyone did the same. "Cheers" she said finally throwing her shot back followed by everyone else, only as Lexa went to place her glass to her lips Clarke pulled it to her own downing the thing quickly before taking her own. Before Lexa had time to say or do anything Clarke's hand was gripping the back of her neck pulling her in to a searing kiss tasting the after taste of tequila on Clarke's tongue as she pushed it against her own tongue instantly. Tequila never taste so good. She wrapped her arms around Clarke's waist pulling her close as her tongue tasted every inch of Clarke's mouth. She couldn't have been more grateful for the loud music as she whimpered and trembled against Clarke's bottom lip as the blonde grinded her body against Lexa's.  
  
"How does that taste?" Clarke whispered her lips barely apart from Lexa's as inhales sharply.  
  
"incredible" Lexa breaths pressing her lips back to Clarke's needing to taste her all over again, wanting to explore every inch of Clarke's mouth till she had no breath left in her. Her hands scratched gently along Clarke's naked skin between her shorts and crop top while Clarke's fingers got lost in her mane scratching at the scalp lovingly yet desperate for more.  
  
"Hmm" Clarke hummed in delight pulling away from the kiss with hooded eyes. It took a moment before Clarke started dancing in rhythm with the music again unable to focus on her friends anymore after being kissed like that, instead she turned around pressing her back in to Lexa placing the brunette's hands on her hips as she rocked her hips seductively with a smirk. "You know" Clarke whispered leaning completely back against Lexa's chest tilting her head to the side so she could see the side of Lexa's face. "I'm not sure if we should dance together anymore" Clarke confessed grinding back in to Lexa harder as she dropped her mouth open seductively capturing Lexa's attention completely not that she wasn't before.  
  
"Ur" Lexa dumbly voiced quickly clearing her throat as she held on to Clarke tighter her eyes trailing the blonde's body and the way her stomach moved to the rhythm so easily and natural. "Um why?" Lexa finally was able to say like she was star struck by her own girlfriend and god she was, she really was. She buried her face in the side of Clarke's hair wanting to be closer.  
  
"Because I want you" Clarke confessed spinning back around quickly gripping Lexa's hips to move in the same rhythm of her own. "I want to taste you" Clarke whispered leaning closer to Lexa's ear so she could hear before nibbling on Lexa's jaw bone that had Clarke ready to crumble and drag her extremely sexy long legged girlfriend to the toilet to be fucked. She smirked as Lexa swallowed harshly her eyes unable to focus anywhere else but Clarke's blue eyes and godly body.  
  
"Hmm" Clarke hummed her arms slowly dragging down Lexa's chest pushing gently on her chest reluctantly "You have to go" she whined her lip already pouting at the thought of not dancing with Lexa.  
  
"Why?" Lexa laughed  
  
"Because I cant dance with you right now" Clarke whined "You're turning me on" She pouted her eyes willingly trailing down Lexa's body. "Go!" she pleaded but resented making Lexa laugh even more as backed away from her drunk girlfriend and back to the booth where some of her friends had retreated to.  
  
"Oh here's the tequila queen" Anya announces with some cheers. "Apparently you have this face" Anya scrunches her face up in disgust before laughing mockingly. "I Have to see this" Anya smirks handing her a new shot.  
  
"No" Lexa objects immediately planting her bum clumsily on the chair way past feeling the alcohol.  
  
"Yo! Do you know what happens after 5 tequila shots?" Roan questioned his eyes bloody shot as her takes another taste of his pint.  
  
"No what?" Lexa questioned her eyes almost popping out her head with worry. No one told her, no one told her anything could happen. What could happen?  
  
"No one knows" Roan laughs.  
  
"Tequila is a sneaky son of a bitch" Anya agrees nodding her head using Roan as a leaning post as she rest her elbow on his shoulder. "One minute you're dancing like a sexy mother fucker, next you're on the floor pantiles while making out with a shoe" She nods seriously all unaware of how drunk one another is so convincing themselves they are in a extremely serious conversation.  
  
"Making out with my shoe" Lexa says slowly looking down at her shoes. "That's kind of gross" she laughs nodding eagerly with the others for some unknown reason, none of them really sure why they were nodding at all. "I don't have pants on though" she shrugs her worry vanishing at the thought of waking up with no pants on until she thinks of Clarke. "I might be naked though in the morning" she grins drunkenly still nodding.  
  
"I'm thirsty" Lexa blurted out "Are you thirsty, because I'm thirsty" She says looking for her drink  
  
"I'm so proud" Anya laughs playing her hand over her heart for effect. "Legs is all grown up drunk and slurring" She laughs nudging Roan  
  
"I'm not slurring" Lexa slurred  
  
"Right" Anya laughed. "Dam you seen my woman tonight!" Anya grins proudly as she nods over to Raven dancing with her friends. "That right bitches she's mine" She stumbles leaning on Roan a little more to stay up right.  
  
"What!" Lexa questioned feeling like she was going cross eyed at such confusion. "I thought Costia and Raven?" She say slowly humming to herself as she thinks. "So Not Costia and Raven?" Lexa questions.  
  
"Unless that photo shopped tramp wants to have no teeth in the morning then no, no Raven and Costia"  
  
"She is hot though to be fair" Roan acknowledges turning his head to the bar to admire Lexa's best friend.  
  
"Agreed" Lexa nods drunkenly.  
  
"Shut up you two" Anya growls "Wow! Red Alert!"  
  
"Red Alert!" Lexa says confused "What's red alert?" She questioned "I'm still thirsty" She pouts holding her head in her hands.  
  
"Red Alert is someone is hitting on your girlfriend" Anya says her eyes widening and unable to move her gaze away from her baby cousin.  
  
Lexa looked up like she didn't hear right with her brows creased and confused while following Anya's fixed gaze to her blonde girlfriend who had been approached by a young man all smiles and chit chat as she tries slowly dancing with Clarke.  
  
"Dude's hitting on you're bird hard" Roan nods taking a swig of his drink as all three watch the encounter to see what would happen next. Lexa suddenly felt sober, despite knowing otherwise she felt her heart pound in her chest at the sight of another trying to talk to Clarke how she spoke with her, how he slowly edged closer every time he danced to the beat to get closer.  
  
"What's he doing" Lexa muttered to herself her jaw set as Clarke spoke back to him with a smile making her heart pound harder. She didn't think about this happening, not that Clarke wouldn't attract people it's just it stupidly didn't cross her mind that she would come across this situation. How could she now Clarke was more than beautiful and her heart pounded harder as she thought of how this could be. How Clarke could be with someone else after getting bored, how when they go of to University Clarke would get hit on even more.  
  
"Wow" Anya says looking to the brunette beside her instantly knowing she doesn't need that push to rescue her girlfriend if her locked jaw and blazing eyes was anything to go by.  
  
"What's he think he's doing" Lexa snapped squinting her eyes in focus as the man steps closer placing his hand on Clarke's hips with a grin. She stood up without thinking feeling her legs turn to jelly before regaining herself and taking steps forward. She wasn't sure what it was or why she was taking steps closer unable to take her eyes of Clarke's and the man who so eagerly touched her girlfriend but something snapped inside her. A feeling that was unfamiliar yet overpowering to be able to block everything else out. She didn't think twice as she gripped her girlfriend wrist spinning her around and pulling her against hers. She was met with blue surprised eyes until she realised it was Lexa and instantly relaxed against her however Lexa didn't her focus turned over Clarke's shoulder to the boy who didn't get the hint and still came closer and by the look of it thinking two girls is better than one. The new raw emotion that she felt had her gripping Clarke tighter as she turned them around placing Lexa between the boy and Clarke not wanting him to touch her even in the slightest.  
  
"Do you mind" Lexa says her tone firmer than Clarke had ever heard before as she turned around to face the drunken boy.  
  
"Not at all" he says cheekily "You can dance with us" he says completely oblivious  
  
"Lex" Clarke says gently trying to take Lexa's hand in her own but the boys beady wondering eyes had Lexa raging inside.  
  
"Well I mind" Lexa says threw gritted teeth "Get the hint! She doesn't want to dance with you"  
  
"Says who?" he questioned  
  
"Her girlfriend" Lexa says firmly staring the boy down angrily her blood boiling as she thinks of his hands on Clarke's hips as she dances. The boy stares at her confused for a moment before looking to the blonde almost blocked by Lexa and their now entangled hands.  
  
"Sorry" He says holding his hands up respectfully "I didn't know" he says already backing away in the crowd.  Lexa watches him go feeling her muscles go rigid from the anger she felt only turning around as Clarke pulls her to face her wrapping her arms around Lexa's neck lovingly.  
  
"Jealous Lexa" Clarke says with a gentle smile on her lips. As green eyes meet blue the blood rushes to her cheeks at the realisation as what just happened and how quickly Clarke could make her come back to her normal self. Jealousy wasn't something she liked ever since her mother, but Lexa couldn't help how her blood pumped threw her veins.  
  
"I'm sorry" Lexa said embarrassed looking down between them while her arms rest on her girlfriends hips. "He was touching you" she says shyly looking at the position her hand was now in. "I just reac-" she was cut of with by the blondes eager lips pressing desperately against hers while running her finger threw Lexa's hair.  
  
"Don't" Clarke muttered between the kiss only parting to change the angle before pushing her tongue fiercely against Lexa's once more ignoring everyone around them as Clarke ran her hand down Lexa's playsuit till she could feel Lexa's bare thighs setting fire to her fingertips drawing out a growl of want and need. "I want you" Clarke gritted desperately pushing her body against Lexa's to feel every inch, every curve and every breath while the ache between her legs throbbed with a intensity that she didn't know existed.  
  
"You liked that?" Lexa questioned curiously after a moment, feeling Clarke's body rocking gently in to hers unable to tear her eyes away from Lexa's lips.  
  
"Yes" Clarke breathed her eyes darker and heavier with a new husk to her voice. "Lexa" Clarke breathed pressing her forehead to Lexa's her eyes falling closed as her breathing became more rapid at just the feel of Lexa's body.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"I'm so wet" Clarke breathed like it pained her as her eyes closed eyes scrunched up in the slightest. Lexa's belly dropped all the way down to her core at the state Clarke had become infront of her, her body rocking in to Lexa for more, already breathless while unable to open her eyes. Lexa swallowed harshly again, the drink still having some effect on her.  
  
"You're mine" Lexa says possessively making Clarke's eyes scrunch up tighter her mouth dropping open as she let's out a whine nodding rapidly in agreement.  
  
"Yours" Clarke confirmed breathlessly before opening her eyes and Lexa swears Clarke's eyes had never been so dark. "Come on" Clarke says breathlessly pulling Lexa roughly towards the bathroom and in to a cubicle slamming the door closed and locking the door. The second Clarke turns around Lexa's eager lips are on her's attacking them with a new desperation, wanting her to feel every ounce of emotion she feels for her. She slams her roughly against the door attacking Clarke's neck with want and need as Clarke's moans embarrassingly ripple out to lost to  care who can hear.  
  
"Fuck" Clarke moans tipping her head back against the door while sliding her finger's threw Lexa's hair. She could feel the wetness increase with every touch Lexa gave, already throbbing as Lexa's finger tips reach the bottom of Clarke's skirt while her lips reattach to Clarke's more gentler before pulling away.  
  
"Are you sure?" Lexa questioned her eyes looking between both of Clarke's now darkened eyes.  
  
"Yes" Clarke confirmed snaking her hand around the back of Lexa's neck to crash their lips together. "I need you" Clarke pleaded. Beginning wasn't something they had done before when ever they started they would always finish teasing enough but not to much so as the pleads left Clarke's mouth Lexa's finger tips tingled as the pushed under Clarke's skirt who quickly raised a leg against Lexa who held it in place with her other hand for support. As her fingers brushed over Clarke's silky thongs she moaned pausing over the wet patch seeming threw.  
  
"God" Lexa breathed unable to stop her lips crashing down desperately against Clarke's nibbling and sucking as she pushed her fingers under the blonde's underwear in to her wet folds. She thrived on being the reason Clarke had no control over her body as her tongue became lazy with her continuous moans clawing threw her throat, her hand gripping Lexa's hair tighter every time she circuled Clarke's clit teasingly. She had never had sex in a toilet before never mind being begged and pleaded to fuck someone because they needed her. She felt indecisive on how to feel about fucking Clarke in a toilet so desperately with it not being the cleanest or classiest of places yet couldn't help but feel the thrill on have spontaneous it was and how Clarke was begging and looked so fucking glorious against the toilet door. She brought her head to rest against Clarke's flickering open what remained of her green eyes to look at her girlfriends who continues to whimper as Lexa played with her clit.  
  
"I love you Clarke" Lexa confessed nibbling on Clarke's bottom lip before soothing it with her tongue.  
  
"I.i.. love yoo" she moaned unable to finish the last word correctly as Lexa slipped her fingers inside Clarke. "Oh fuck" she moaned her other hand flying up to grip the top of the door in hope to stay up right with Lexa's grip tightening around her. Lexa retracted her fingers repeatedly before pushing them back in hard and fast wanting to give her girlfriend what she pleaded for. Clarke barely managed to keep a kiss going her breath catching in her throat as she threw her head back in pleasure making Lexa bit and suck harder in to her pale skin.  
  
"Oh..fu.."  
  
Clarke never got her last word out as her orgasm rippled threw her body embarrassingly quick barely lasting minutes while her body jolted in pleasure her veins becoming more prominent in her neck while Lexa licked across her collar bone bringing her back down from her high.  
  
"Fuck. Lexa" Clarke breathed breathless as Lexa released her raised Lexa watching it flop like Jelly. "Wow" Clarke breathes breathless blinking like light was now new to her eyes.  
  
"That was...quick" Lexa teased continuing to sooth kisses along the new marked neck.  
  
"Hmm." Clarke hummed not caring placing her hands on either side of Lexa's face with a proud smile "Shush you" she whispered before falling in to another passionate kiss. "Please let's go home" Clarke says eagerly wanting to just strip Lexa of her clothes.   
  
"Everyone's staying the night remember" Lexa reminded knowing they couldn't leave without everyone.  
  
"Urgh" Clarke groaned hitting her head against the door. "Who's stupid idea was that?"  
  
"Yours" Lexa laughed pecking Clarke's lips once more.  
  
"I have terrible idea's" Clarke confessed pecking Lexa's lips back.  
  
"You do" Lexa confessed kissing her again.  
  
"Maybe we should just go back out there so someone can hit on me again" Clarke smirked "I happen to love Jealous Lexa" She husked scratching gently at the back of Lexa's neck.  
  
"Please don't" Lexa said returning back to her shy self as her cheeks turn a shade of pink which only made Clarke fall harder.  
  
\---  
  
Clarke was struggling to keep her hands to herself as soon as they got home. She didn't care that her friends was here, she didn't care that her friends could possibly hear what ever Lexa and her would get up to and quite frankly all she could think about was Jealous Lexa with her commanding firm tone as she protected what was hers. She was enchanted by it and everything just seemed a whole lot blurry the more she thought about it, she wanted to see it again. So she did exactly what she had been thinking about all night, she buried herself between Lexa's legs and tasted her like it was the first time before worshipping every inch of Lexa's beautiful body.  
  
"I had fun tonight" Clarke whispered running her fingers up and down Lexa's bare arm while placing small kisses to her back.  
  
"Me two" Lexa confesses goose bumps appearing on her skin as she hums in delight. "Clarke" Lexa hesitates  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"What if you get bored of me when you go college?" Lexa breaths. Finally confessing the fear she had felt for weeks Maybe it wasn't the right time to talk about it, but maybe it was.   
  
"What if you wake up and realise this is just.. I don't know" she whispers in to the silent room feeling Clarke's finger tips stop their trail.  
  
"Lex?" Clarke says after a moment of silence pulling on Lexa's shoulder till she turned around. "I want to show you something tomorrow" Clarke says softly reaching her hand to cup the brunettes cheek soothingly. "I know exactly what I want, trust me" Clarke whispers capturing the brunettes lips before pulling her closer to snuggle in to.  
  
They lay their starring at one another in the dark, neither one able to see blue or green but knowing it's there right infront of them staring back.   
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so what did you lot think to jealous Lexa? I didn't want to write her to much out of character so I had to be lenient a little bit, what are you guys thinking?


	31. Chapter 31

**Lost And Insecure!**  


  
  
There was something about watching Lexa sleep that had Clarke's stomach going wild while unable to control her forever growing smile, it wasn't like it was the first time she felt it but it was rare due to Lexa always waking before her despite her best efforts, green eyes just always seemed to be watching her lovingly already and she hated that she loved it even more. Waking up to Lexa today though was rather different and Clarke could only supress her growing smile by biting her bottom lip as she hovers quietly over her heavy sleeping girlfriend. Lexa lay their with her hair more dishevelled than ever before around her pillow and slightly across her face causing every exhale of breath to blow pieces of her hair, her left in mascara slightly printed above her eye lids while making the cutest of noises threw her nose, but Clarke's favourite bit, the bit that was drawing her in more and more was Lexa's lips that looked like she was constantly pouting as they puckered out in the most appealing yet silliest of ways. It was suddenly like mission impossible to not kiss Lexa, her lips were practically calling for her own after all with that sleepy pout that was just to adorable for words. She hated herself even more as she really didn't want to wake Lexa but the argument in her own head lost in the matter of 5 seconds while she leant down and kissed Lexa's full lips in the gentlest of ways.  
  
She never moved in the slightest.  
  
"Lazy bum" Clarke smirked her eyes unable to stop watching her girlfriend in awe as she placed a gentle peck on her lips again while nuzzling her nose barely against Lexa's while pressing her hand to Lexa's half open palm. She was forever being surprised everyday with how overwhelmed Lexa could make her feel from a simple look, or just a few words but she welcomed it all and secretly hoped it would never stop because for the first time in her life she was in love, truly deeply and madly and she would happily drown in it and never come up for air because being with Lexa consumed her to a new level. "My baby had to much alcohol last night" Clarke smirked as Lexa continued to pout her lip and make that cute little sound threw her nose. She couldn't help herself as she captured Lexa's pouting lips once more resisting the urge to bite her bottom lip and wake her up instantly, instead smirking as she set herself a challenge on waking the brunette. "Lets see if I can get you to open those beautiful green eyes" Clarke smirked teasingly, not that Lexa could see her or anything who still appeared dead to the world.  
  
She placed a tender kiss to her lips before pulling away to see if it caused any sign of movement, when satisfied it didn't she moved her assault down to Lexa's neck placing a single kiss to her collar bone while releasing her hand for it to disappear beneath the quilt till it rest on Lexa's naked hip. When Lexa still didn't move Clarke suppressed her laugh and settled for a very amused smile before kissing down the line of her breast slowly but equally as gentle as all the others only to smirk when Lexa stirs in the slightest with a gentle 'hmm' that leave her lips before remaining still once again. Blue eyes rolled amused as she pulled the quilt back further lowering her lips down across Lexa's toned stomach seeing the small bruises Clarke couldn't help but leave the night before as Lexa came hard while her fingers were buried deep within before assaulting her with her tongue. "You have the worlds sexiest body" Clarke confesses her eyes admiring Lexa's chest bashfully before placing kisses lower and lower across her stomach feeling Lexa's body react beneath her while humming in delight yet green eyes still refused to open. Not satisfied until Lexa is fully awake and see's those green eyes flicker open Clarke lowers herself once more her eyes now trained on Lexa fully as her hand trails down Lexa's inner thigh teasingly.  
  
"Hmm" Lexa moans her head turning to the side as her lips part from the pout that Clarke instantly missed. With a wide satisfied smirk Clarke gently places a gentle kiss to Lexa's pelvis bone looking up threw hooded eyes as Lexa's leg opens and bends at the knee invitingly as green eyes finally open. "Clarke" She Croaks out looking down to where Clarke's smirking.  
  
"Hmm" Clarke hums to far in the game for it to be even possible to stop her assault on Lexa after being this close. "So eager for me" Clarke teases her hand teasingly gliding up Lexa's bent thigh until she brushes her fingers against Lexa's hot centre, making Lexa's body react as her centre pushes up in the slightest for more. "Have I ever told you how sexy you are when you're sleeping?" Clarke questioned raising her body till she was level with Lexa's body once more while her hand continued her teasing between Lexa's thighs.  
  
"No" Lexa whimpered her green eyes closing in delight as her hand disappearing almost instantly in Clarke's hair while trying to capture Clarke's lips who had other plans and resisted teasingly. "Clarke" she practically whined pleadingly wanting to kiss her girlfriend after being woke up with her body burning.  
  
"You do" Clarke continued ignoring Lexa's pleas "So sexy" She confessed pushing her forehead against Lexa's until they were sharing oxygen, their lips so close Clarke could almost taste her on her tongue, while her hand slipped between Lexa's folds in to her wetness. "You had this pout thing going on. God, you should have seen it Lexa" Clarke breathed her eye's slipping to the now parted plumb lips as green eyes close in pleasure her lower half pushing more in to Clarke's hand eagerly. "I wanted to bite your lip so hard and at the same time never stop kissing them" Clarke whispered brushing her bottom lip teasingly against Lexa's only to pull away when Lexa's lips try to catch hers fully.  
  
"Kiss me then" Lexa pleaded her eyes heavier than when she first woke but with something different. Her green eyes flickered down to Clarke's lips once more before shooting her head up quickly to try and capture them once again while Clarke pulled back further teasingly her fingers sliding up and down around Lexa's entrance making her eyes fall shut and her head quickly tilt back against the pillow while Clarke slowly pushed two fingers inside Lexa's soaking wet core, right where Lexa wanted her.  
  
"You're beautiful" Clarke continued as she slowly withdrew her fingers to push them back inside once again thriving on Lexa's cloudy desperate moans. "Especially when you're jealous" Clarke smirked finally leaning down to bite on Lexa's bottom lip like she had been naughty and deserved the punishment. "The way you squeezed my hand so tight in reassurance and fear but couldn't stand to see me with someone else" Clarke husked trailing kisses down Lexa's neck while continuing her steady teasing pace, enough for pleasure but not enough to tip anyone over the edge.  
  
"Clarke" Lexa panted her hand gripping in blonde locks tighter keeping her against her neck wanting every inch of affection from her lover. "Hmm. That feels.." she was cut of as her breath hitches as Clarke thrust in harder and deeper in a single thrust silencing her instantly threw pleasure while her eyes slammed closed once more.  
  
"You turned me on when you told me I was yours" Clarke confessed biting on Lexa's earlobe a little breathless herself from how aroused she was herself at the sight now and the memory of last night. "When you fucked me in the bathroom and claimed me to be yours"  
  
"Ohh fuck" Lexa whimpered as Clarke's thrust picked up before wrapping her lips around Lexa's nipple and sucking harder than usual while grinding her own body down in to Lexa's.  
  
"I am yours" Clarke breathed honestly bringing her lips to hover above Lexa's once more. "and you're mine" Clarke stated before resting her forehead against her panting girlfriends watching her fall to pieces as her high builds and builds. "Forever"  
  
"For- ever" Lexa pants her eyes struggling to open as Clarke's thumb circles Lexa's clit while thrusting deeper and harder "Kiss..Me" she pleads but Clarke resists not wanting to kiss her just yet as her fingers thrust faster and faster feeling Lexa's slick wetness seep all down her fingers until some rest in her palm and her walls are tightening around her.  
  
"Clarke" Lexa moans her eyes opening wide her lips beginning to part as her high is just over the edge and Clarke quickly happily pushed her over, thrusting her fingers in once more harder and faster than before while her lips clash messily and desperately against Lexa's. It's all tongue, vibrating moans, clashing teeth, heavy breaths and desperation for more as the kiss becomes lazy while Lexa's body jolts and shivers beneath Clarke's as the pleasure ripples threw her body till there's no oxygen left in her lungs causing her to pull their lips apart. The smirk that appeared on Clarke's lips was undeniable while unable to move her gaze anywhere from her breathless girlfriend. She was proud that she could get Lexa like that, and god did she fucking love watching her unfold and slowly recover.  
  
  
"Morning Green eyes" Clarke said lovingly her naked body pressing firmly against Lexa's as she nuzzles her nose against Lexa's chin.  
  
"Morning" Lexa smiles lazily snaking her arms heavily around Clarke's neck as she stares intensely in to blue. "Green eyes?" She questioned   
  
"Hmm" the blonde hums biting on her bottom lip "I'm trying it out"  
  
"I like it" Lexa whispers while her eyes flicker to the blondes distracting lips.   
  
"Me to" Clarke says just as quietly smirking at Lexa's loss of concentration as she leans down and captures Lexa's lips between her own with a hum of delight. "How are you feeling?" she questions. It was Lexa's time to smirk with adoring eyes  
  
"Really good" Lexa laughs.  
  
"You no what I mean" Clarke whines while rolling her eyes "Hangover wise?"  
  
"My head hurts a little" Lexa confesses the smirk still on her face as she plays with blonde locks between her fingers. "but I could get use to waking up like that" Lexa smiles shyly.  
  
"Hmm.. So could I, however I seem to have a girlfriend that can't seem to sleep in" Clarke admitted kissing along Lexa's jaw line feeling Lexa laugh.  
  
"More like you're lazy"  
  
"I have no trouble waking up" Clarke defends.  
  
"Tell that to your first alarm"  
  
"Hmm Shush" Clarke smiles widely pressing her teeth against Lexa's jaw.  
  
"Does that mean I won?" Lexa questioned.  
  
"Do you want to win babe?" Clarke questioned teasingly raising her gaze to green eyes as her fingers run down Lexa's inner thigh with a smirk.  
  
"Urh" Lexa stutters her eyes lids faltering slightly "Yes. No" Lexa says quickly one after the other not entirely sure what the right answer is right now causing Clarke to laugh out loud.  
  
"You're adorable" Clarke whispers capturing Lexa's lips.  
  
"You're a tease" Lexa admits her smile already aching her jaw and she had only been awake barely longer than half hour.  
  
"That I am" Clarke smiles proudly kissing Lexa's lips once more before climbing out of bed. "You need food my little hungover jealous woman" Clarke laughs before searching for her pyjamas and handing Lexa hers.  
  
"Clarke.." Lexa says more seriously sitting up in bed while fiddling with the bed quilt nervously. "I'm sorry about last night, being like that" Lexa says honestly feeling embarrassed at her territory state.  
  
"Are you kidding?" Clarke questioned softening as she notices the shift in mood. "Come here" Clarke orders holding her hand out for Lexa to take.  
  
"Trust me, you have nothing to apologise for" Clarke confesses when she pulls Lexa against her. "I will make it my life goal to see you like that again" Clarke smiles gently wrapping her arms around Lexa's hips. "I like that you felt that way, like you wanted me just for you. It made me feel less crazy because I get so crazy when someone so much as looks at you" she admits.  
  
"You do?" Lexa questions.  
  
"You know you're cute when you're oblivious" Clarke chuckles. "What do you think I was going to do to Roan shake his hand when he wouldn't leave you alone?" Clarke questioned with a laugh. "I was ready to drop kick him" Clarke jokes well kind of but she it was enough to get a giggle from Lexa and Clarke felt light all over again. "Now come on you, lets get some food."  
  
\----  
  
  
"Stop" Lexa wines looking over her shoulder at a grinning Clarke who seemed to keep grabbing her bum.   
  
"Make me" Clarke dares squeezing Lexa's arse from behind once more while they continued down the hall to see if any of their friends were awake yet. She didn't think she would ever get use to being this carefree and playful with Lexa knowing the brunette didn't scare as easy as she originally thought, yet the way her eyes twinkled with such innocents and shyness, like she was embarrassed by such attention yet no one was around had Clarke smiling from ear to ear. Lexa baffled her in more ways than one that's for sure, but the pure blindness she held for herself was astonishing, no matter how many times Clarke repeated how beautiful Lexa was or even how her body was always so quick and eager to reacted to Lexa she knew that Lexa still didn't see it herself but had simply accepted that what Clarke was telling her was what she believed. How could someone be so sexy, so captivating and still refuse to see it despite catching attention no matter where she went.   
  
"Come here" Clarke hummed sweetly pulling at Lexa's forearm till her body was flush against hers with their lips inches apart. "You're beautiful you know that" Clarke whispered lovingly while pushing Lexa's brown lock's behind her shoulder making her jawline more visible. Green eyes sparkled with softness and adoration as they gazed in to blue and Clarke loved these moments, the moments they were silent and took one another in with the question that constantly hung over both their heads as they still struggle to accept that this was real and was infact actually happening. "I want to take you somewhere tonight" Clarke explained her finger tips now following the shape of Lexa's irresistible jaw line.   
  
"Where?" Lexa questioned her voice more huskier than she was even aware herself.   
  
"It's a surprise" Clarke smiled placing a tender lingering kiss on the brunettes lips. "Do you trust me?" Clarke questioned and it was funny really for Clarke anyway as she remembered the first time she asked Lexa that question.  
  
"I do" Lexa said and Clarke beamed at how confident she said it compared to the first time.   
  
"Good" Clarke whispered pulling at Lexa's hip to bring their bodies even tighter together till their lips were a mingling heat of mess. Fighting the urge to drag Lexa back upstairs to bed and take her one more time in this earlier morning Clarke reluctantly pulled their lips away "Urgh come on" Clarke whined curing her plan for the third time in less than twenty four hours for suggesting their friends could sleep the night. She tapped Lexa's bum playfully once more before pushing open the living room door.   
  
"Oh Fuck" Raven screeched shooting up to pull the quilt over her naked body while Anya looked on confused at the Latina.  
  
"Oh my fucking god!" Clarke screeched spinning around on the spot as Lexa quickly did the same. "What the fuck are you doing!" Clarke snapped starring at the wall infront of her with disgust. her hands dropping beside her in a huff. "please tell me their is a way to un-see something" Clarke pleaded her eyes clamping shut hoping to never ever see anything like that ever again.  
  
"Oh please" Anya smirked sitting back against the couch like she hadn't a care in the world, infact she found the whole situation extremely amusing with Raven burred under the blanket like a scared pussy cat with beady eyes, Clarke having a tantrum in disgust while Lexa just seemed to be staring awkwardly at her feet as she moved them inch by inch. "Like you wasn't visiting Lexa's chamber of secrets" Anya laughed. "FYI if you want something a secret the trick it to be quiet" Anya laughed standing from the couch to reach for her clothes while the two girls faced the opposite way.   
  
"oh my god" Lexa said quietly her face going bright red as she raised a hand to her face.   
  
"Anya you had sex on my couch!" Clarke cringed mentally trying to swipe the image from her memory while adamant she would never sit their again.   
  
"Pfft..you practically had sex on my toast the other day and you watched me eat it" Anya quipped back throwing her top over her head.   
  
"You deserved it" Clarke snapped "You keep cock blocking me!!"   
  
"First of you don't have a cock" Anya said smugly. "Secondly, what are you moaning about you had sex"  
  
"This is my house!"   
  
"Correction. It's Abby's and Jake's"   
  
"I Swear I won't hesitate in hitting you" Clarke growled her body tensing knowing her cousin always got the better of her at annoying the absolute shit out of her.   
  
"I'm naked" Anya smirked. "I can rub my naked arse more on the couch if you want"   
  
"You wouldn't dare!"  
  
"Tempt me"   
  
"You're disgusting" Clarke huffs out not stupid enough to dare Anya crossing her arms in defeat.   
  
"It's natural" Anya states simply "I heard you having sex and well I thought why not"   
  
"Wait what?" Raven questioned furrowing her brows.   
  
"OH MY GOD THATS EVEN SICKER" Clarke screeched. "You had sex because you heard us having sex"   
  
"Hey" Anya shrugged like it was nothing "Happens to everyone"  
  
"No it dosent" Clarke shook her head.  
  
"Hold up" Raven barked holding her hands up for everyone to shut up "You had sex with me because you heard Lexa moaning?"  Raven questioned her brows furrowing even more.   
  
"Oh my god" Lexa repeated her face officially looking like a tomato at the thought of everyone hearing her.   
  
"Well yeah- "Anya was cut of from her confession.  
  
"I will seriously punch you in the face" Clarke snapped.   
  
"You are disgusting" Raven added.   
  
"If you let me finish" Anya rolled her eyes. "It wasn't at Lexa's moaning, well officially it got me in the mood for sex but only because I was thinking of having sex with you and making you moan, and listening to moan was so much more appealing to me than listening to Lexa, no offence Legs"  
  
"Urh- that's ok" Lexa stuttered her fingers already fiddling with her pyjama shorts feeling extremely awkward never being in this situation before or ever wanting to again. "I'm going to urh- Yeah" She stuttered quickly exiting the room and heading to the kitchen.   
  
"Are you dressed?" Clarke questioned watching her girlfriend leave.   
  
"Oh yeah, I just finished up pressing my naked body to your cou- ouff" Anya didn't get to finish as Clarke dived on her smacking her with a pillow roughly while throwing every curse she could think of at the brunette.   
  
"You Are such a arse hole" She snapped hitting her cousin once more for good measure.  
  
\---  
  
"Hi" Lexa was greeted by Costia looking rough at the kitchen table.   
  
"morning" Lexa smiled walking over to the coffee machine. "I thought you would still be asleep" Lexa teased remembering how drunk her best friend was last night when they got home remembering Costia jump in the swimming pool fully clothed screaming  _'I am the ruler of this kingdom'_ Before appearing once more chocking on the water that had seeped at her nose and down her throat.  
  
"Please" Costia begged her hand on her throbbing head "Whisper" She pleads making Lexa laugh.   
  
"Do you want some water?" Lexa questioned more quietly.  
  
"Please" she pleads circling her temple with her fingertips. "I'm not sure if I'm hung over or dying" she whined.   
  
"I told you to drink sensible"  
  
"And I didn't spill any did I?" Costia smirked back before whining in agony. "I feel sick"   
  
"Dark and difficult time lay ahead of you my friend" Raven laughed as she walked in placing her hand over Costia's shoulder.   
  
"Urgh Get you're sex hand of me" Costia shrugged not having the energy to properly shake Raven of her.   
  
"Actually i'm the one who got fucked" Raven grinned proudly plopping on the seat next to Costia.   
  
"How can you guys have sex in the morning this early after drinking all night?" Costia questioned making Lexa choke on her coffee knowing Costia heard her too.   
  
"I guess we are the true rulers of the kingdom huh Lex?" Raven questioned before laughing at Lexa's deeply reddened cheeks.   
  
"huh" Lexa settled with no having any other word floating around in her head. She wasn't loud, how could everyone hear her? She was quiet in bed, she was sure of it especially this morning when Clarke's finger's slid threw her folds, when Clarke's heavy pants warmed her neck as she kept up her steady thrust, gentle but incredible, the way she stared in to blue while they stared back, lips mere inches apart almost like Clarke's taste was floating between them, waiting and ready...  
  
"Lex? Lexa? Hello?" Clarke questioned standing infront of her with a furrowed brow. "You ok babe?" she questioned studding the brunette carefully.   
  
"Urh- yeah" She squeaked out clearing her throat as she tried wiping her memory clear of Clarke dancing, Fucking Clarke against the toilet door and having Clarke worship her in more ways than one when they arrived home to rush to the bedroom and especially this morning waking to Clarke's already dark teasing eyes. "Just zoned out" she admitted looking around nervously at Raven Costia and Anya looking at her.   
  
"You were totally thinking about fucking Clarke" Anya announced laughing after a moment of silence.   
  
\---  
  
"I'm so tired" Lexa admitted her head snuggly buried in the pillow.  
  
"I Can see that" Clarke hummed tracing her fingers up and down Lexa's bare forearm. "I can take you somewhere another day" Clarke whispered to her already half asleep girlfriend.   
  
"no, I want to go" Lexa hummed back snuggling closer to her girlfriend.   
  
"I can take you another day, it makes no difference" Clarke grinned biting on her bottom lip at her girlfriends cuteness. "You have a delayed hangover" Clarke confessed noticing the effect of the alcohol from the night before slowly taking over Lexa within the last few hours to the point she was struggling to keep her head up.  
  
"Alcohol. Bad" Lexa muttered snaking her arm around Clarke's neck as she breaths her in.   
  
"So, so bad" Clarke laughs kissing her girlfriends forehead. "Lex"  
  
"hmm"   
  
"You nervous for you're up coming exams?"   
  
"Not really" Lexa says honestly. "I can only do what I can" she whispers her body already going limp from how tired she is. "Are you?"   
  
"No" Clarke says confidently "Griffins don't do nervous" She says proudly.   
  
"Umm Am I loud?" Lexa asks after a moment of silence "In bed?" Clarke couldn't supress her giggle as she pulled away from Lexa slightly to look at the brunette to see if she was being serious.   
  
"What do you think?"   
  
"I didn't think I was" She says shyly and confused playing with Clarke's hair between her fingers as her gaze cutely looked back and forth between blue eyes and blonde locks.   
  
"Well" Clarke grins. "You are a little loud" Clarke confesses "i think my dad heard you once"  
  
  
  
  
 **I'm aware the chapter is short and I have taken so long to update but please bare with me I am in the middle of sorting out a new story but will not post any until this one is complete as I do want It written correctly. Yet I felt guilty for holding out for so long with this so for now you get a short chapter until I update properly, the next chapter will be longer I promise and as a apology I will put a few idea's in you would love to read as long as it's realistic and could go with the story. Next chapter should be about the talk they need and Exams While Jake and Abby have a surprise for the girls. :) Like I said extremely sorry this isn't longer I will make up for it!  
Just want to confirm once this story is complete I will write a few one shots in their future of what happens and how things change as there is a few things I want to come across but its a few years down the line. So if you're interested, bookmark, subscribe as this story only has two chapters left!! **

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the lovely comments, kudos and all the bookmarks!   
> Much appreciated, any questions, queries or what ever really just ask I'm very friendly and open to talk! :)   
> Any mistakes...well you have already read it now so it doesn't matter! :'D


	32. Chapter 32

**Lost and Insecure!**

   
"I'm going to be fine" Clarke paced up and down the school hall as Lexa watched on.  
  
"You will do great" Lexa reassured for the tenth time.  
  
"I will do great" Clarke repeated seeming out of breath as she couldn't focus on anything. "I will do great" She repeated and Lexa couldn't help but smile, never had she watched her girlfriend be so nervous, infact she almost wanted to laugh as Clarke had always said Griffins don't do nervous. Yet here Clarke was, pacing the hallway in a panic as she stood outside the exam room, even the man standing by the door ready to tick Clarke of the list as attended was looking at her sympathetically.  
  
"Clar-"  
  
"what if I fail?" Clarke questioned taking a deep breath.  
  
"Clarke, you will be fine"  
  
"I feel like I need to be sick"

"You can do this"  Lexa tries again only this time taking Clarke's nervous clammy hands in hers. She smiled softly at the blonde who looked more stressed than Lexa had ever seen her, anyone would think Clarke would have restricted herself from sleep the night before instead of infact going to bed early out of fear of not hearing her alarm and missing the exam completely. Lexa was torn between feeling sorry for Clarke and enjoying how cute her girlfriend looked all nervous and clammy, it was a new side to her girlfriend she hadn't seen yet and she couldn't help but enjoy it, and enjoy being the one to be able to try and help it disappear.  
  
"I cant remember anything" Clarke confessed with a whine to her tone before looking to the exam doors and back again.  
  
"That's because you're nervous" Lexa admitted squeezing Clarke's hands once more. "You know it, you just need to breath, OK?"  
  
"Ok" Clarke nodded "Ok" she repeated not calming in the slightest while inhaling a breath, Lexa found it impossible to not to smile. "Nope, still not coming to me. My brains melted" she breathed giving up the will to live, and Lexa really struggled not to laugh at how over dramatic Clarke could be.   
  
"You're brain has not melted" Lexa laughs shaking her head while Clarke gives her the evil eye.  
  
"This is not funny" Clarke huffs pulling her hands away before she continued to pace "This is my future. If I fail, god if I fail..What if I fail?" Clarke questioned panicked "What will I do?"   
  
"Do you trust me?" Lexa questioned trying a different strategy.   
  
"Yeah"  
  
"Then trust me" Lexa pleaded looking towards the man by the door knowing Clarke doesn't have much time left to enter. "I believe in you, and I know you can do it." Lexa said shyly starring in to blue eyes, the same blue eyes she watched slowly close every night until she was a mumbling mess to tired to form any kind of sentence together. "You will do great, I promise" Lexa took Clarke one last time both melting in to a reassuring cuddle that Clarke quickly accepted with a breath of relief.   
  
"Thank you" Clarke said after a moment of silence. "What times your exam?"   
  
"three"   
  
"I'll walk you to it?"   
  
"ok I'll be in the library"  
  
"Ok"   
  
"Good luck" Lexa says one final time placing a kiss on the tip of Clarke's nose"   
  
"Thank you" Clarke says the sincerity in her voice more evident than before. "I love you"  
  
"I love you two" Lexa says watching her now calmer girlfriend open the doors she was dreading, Clarke turned over her shoulder one last time with a nervous smile just before disappearing for the next hour and forty five minutes.   
  
\--  
  
When Lexa sat in the library she had every intention on revising, no really she did so She wasn't really sure how she ended up smiling to herself in the library as she thought of the new side she saw to Clarke. Sometimes she thinks its impossible to fall in love any harder than she already was, but Clarke seemed to have a life goal to help Lexa fail, because again and again she fell in a new way over and over again for the blonde and seeing her with her nerves, and fear made Lexa heart warm and flutter in away that made her feel she that they wasn't that different. The only word she could think of describe it was adorable. Clarke was adorable all jittery and nervous, and Lexa hoped she would see it again.   
  
"What's up stud?" Luna beamed placing in the seat opposite Lexa.   
  
"Stud?" Lexa questioned confused as she looked at her student.   
  
"You haven't heard that yet?" Luna questioned amazed "Dude its been around the school, first you land miss hot blonde, then you go all superman at a crash scene" Luna points out resting her feet up on the table. "You're like wonder woman or something" she shrugs   
  
"why are you not in lesson?" Lexa questioned ignoring the compliments. She did notice the whispers in the hallway as she returned back to school, and she did get a number of people approach her asking if what they heard was true, a few were just so absurd it was ridiculous but unfortunately for her Clarke was nearly always with her around school so Clarke would proudly pull Lexa forward and tell them she had indeed saved her Jake's life.   
  
"That is a very good question" Luna says nodding her head before falling silent to look around the library.   
  
"Are..are you going to answer it?" Lexa questioned her smile forming. Luna was known as a bit or a rebel and a funny one at that. She was the kind of girl to talk in Lesson and when a teacher would ask why she was talking in their lesson her simple responds would be 'urh hello why are you interrupting my conversation?" Like it was the worst thing that could have happened.  
  
"Sorry? answer what?"   
  
"Why you're not in lesson"  
  
"sorry are you the lesson police?" Luna questioned raising her eye brows making Lexa shake her head with a laugh. She reminded her of Anya and so she considered Luna a friend despite being the year beneath.   
  
"Thought I was wonder woman?" Lexa responded cheekily quickly returning to her shy self as Luna looked at her with a shit eating grin.   
  
"I love it when you get all sassy on me!" Luna laughed always trying to bring Lexa's confident side out.   
  
"You love who's sassy side?" Came a voice that wasn't sitting around the table   
  
"Oh hi blondie" Luna says not at all bothered. "Your girlfriend actually.. little sass machine, she totally just asked for my number"   
  
"No I didn't" Lexa quickly said looking to her girlfriend with wide eyes before turning to Luna with a glare.   
  
"Oh yes you did, don't lie Lexa... I turned her down though" she says smugly "Not in to teachers pets"   
  
"I'm not a teachers pet" Lexa defended furrowing her brows.   
  
"anyway, Clarke you should totally put a leash on this one" she says standing shaking her head with a smirk "No boundaries" She tuts before walking off.   
  
"I did not ask for her number" Lexa defends.  
  
"Don't you already have her number?" Clarke questioned sitting down with her own smirk.  
  
"Well.. yeah..but.."   
  
"Lexa" Clarke laughs "breath. I know she's only messing" She laughs "She does it every time"   
  
"Yeah" Lexa breaths knowingly, she did love to get Lexa going. "How was your exam?" Lexa questioned taking Clarke's hand in her own.   
  
"Surprisingly good I think" Clarke beams not a trace of nerves in sight and Lexa couldn't help but copy Clarke's smile.   
  
"I told you"   
  
"You did. Shouldn't we get going, or you will miss yours"   
  
\--  
  
"you can do this Lex" Clarke encouraged pacing the hall way again. "I know you can. ok?" She paces even faster turning to look at Lexa with determination, fear and nerves and Lexa couldn't help but release a chuckle which felt a lot like de ja vu from only a couple of hours ago. "Don't panic ok. You have this in the bag, we revised together remember? Your like super smart" Clarke commented still pacing before looking to the exam door and back to Lexa. "Don't worry ok?" Clarke questioned finally taking Lexa's hands in her own.   
  
"ok" Lexa says with a adoring smile. "I can do this" Lexa repeats feeling no fear for the exam at all, she was feeling extremely confident but couldn't help but watch on as her girlfriend got the nerves not only for herself but for her too.   
  
"You can" Clarke squeezed Lexa's hands "You're going to pass this with flying colours" Clarke confessed nodding rapidly like this was just meant to be, it was a fact and nothing could ever change that because Clarke was nervously sure and looking a little on the pale side.   
  
"Babe" Lexa says soothingly "I'll be fine" she whispers kissing Clarke's worried smile from her lips. Lexa was never much the dominant one in the relationship, Clarke always led and Lexa happily followed  slowly gaining more confidence as time passed but right now, right here Lexa's chest fluttered with happiness because for once she felt like maybe she could take care of Clarke just as much as Clarke always takes care of her.   
  
"Sorry" Clarke mutters burying her face in Lexa's neck. "I hate exams" she confesses.  
  
"I noticed" Lexa grins snaking her arms around the blonde. "Wait for me?"   
  
"Always" 

\---  
  


"Clarke, what are you doing?" Lexa shouts after sliding the patio doors open her smile already appearing despite her head shaking. The rain fell from the sky like a thunder storm was forming, Clarke however didn't run back inside, she didn't scream because it would mess up her hair or ruin her make up, Instead she looked up to the dark cloudly skies watching the rain fall as it hits her pale skin with a smile that could light up the world.  
  
"It's beautiful" was all Clarke said pushing her damp locks away from her face before stretching out her hands feeling the gentle splat against her palms.  
  
"It's freezing" Lexa laughed running her hands up and down her forearms in hope to warm up, thankful for the protection of a roof over her head. Her better judgement told her to order Clarke inside before she caught her death, to stop smiling as she continued to watch the blondes bare feet take fearless steps further in the garden while the rain only got heavier, yet she couldn't bring herself to do it and it wasn't because she knew Clarke wouldn't listen anyway. Instead Lexa just smiled brighter as she leant against the door frame watching her girlfriend twirl in the rain without a care in the world. "You're crazy" Lexa shouts while shaking her head again as the blonde quickly became soaked threw  while thriving in it, as for Lexa when a few rain drops hit her she quickly took a step further in the house like it was acid rain.   
  
"You're crazy" Clarke laughed playfully.  
  
"Come inside"  
  
"You come outside" Clarke beamed her smile brighter than before with blonde hair now slightly darker and blue eyes that seemed to glow. Never had Lexa looked at the rain and thought it was magical, not like Clarke did anyway but in some way right here right now as Lexa looked out in the garden with rain hammering down with the cloudiest of skies and heavy winds while the girl she fell in love with radiated from the dreadful weather, Lexa could see the magic and in that moment her heart felt lighter even if she was still shaking her head with the most powerful smile across her full lips.  
  
"You're crazy" Lexa repeated watching the rain only get heavier the thought of standing in the rain always made her shiver and want to bury herself under blankets all safe and snug, and it reminded her so much of a pussy cat, maybe that was the reason she preferred them to dogs.  
  
"Be crazy with me" Clarke grinned curling her finger to the brunette to join her in her heat of craziness.   
  
Again, despite Lexa's better judgement telling her to stay inside with her blanket and protective roof over her head keeping her dry and warm, she bit her lip hesitantly looking at the dreadful rain once more, more than anything she didn't want to be standing in the rain all cold and wet but before she looked at Clarke again she already knew she would join Clarke, hell she knew she would join Clarke the moment she saw her dancing in the rain if Clarke asked her too. Lexa yelped as the cold rain splattered against her skin as she took big, quick steps towards the waiting blonde and Clarke could only laugh as she wrapped her soaked arms around Lexa.  
  
"Who's crazy now?" Clarke questioned her smile growing wider and softer as she brings their forehead together.  
  
"Still you" Lexa confessed watching the droplets of water trickle down Clarke's nose, off her chin and across her lips. She was soaking and Lexa was quickly becoming so too.  
  
"You know rain is a little like love" Clarke hums watching Lexa's straight hair become the curly wild mane she adores.  
  
"How so?" Lexa questioned pushing blonde hair away from Clarke's round face.  
  
"It's unpredictable" Clarke says gently looking deep in to green eye "but their are always signs before it completely falls"  
  
"Did you have signs?" Lexa questions her lips turning up before tenderly placing a gentle rain dropped kiss on Clarke's purple lips.  
  
"I did" Clarke confesses "I love you, more than anything" Clarke says with such gentleness as she traces her finger tips along Lexa's jawline. Lexa believed her, she believed her the first time she said it, and continued to believe Clarke loves her but if she doubted it in anyway the way blue eyes were looking at her, and the way the words left her mouth she was sure this would have confirmed it.  
  
"I love you two" Lexa confessed forgetting the rain, forgetting the shiver she felt building threw her body, forgetting the fact her feet were numb due to no shoes, instead she stood their holding Clarke tighter forgetting about the horrid weather around her as she watched water droplet after water droplet splatter across Clarke's face and her heart fluttered for the millionth time. It fluttered because she was a normal teenage girl in love, standing in the rain in the garden she called home while having Clarke tell her she loved her back, despite her faults, despite her past, despite everything, Clarke loved her deeply and fully back.  
  
"You're right" Lexa confesses pressing her forehead to Clarke's "The rain is magical" She whispers before catching Clarke's lips in a searing kiss. She could taste the rain between their lips as Clarke's finger became lost in her hair pulling her closer with a tug. She could lose herself forever she was sure of it, the way Clarke could smile but keep the kiss going, the way her moans vibrated in Lexa's mouth, the way Clarke soaked clothes stuck to her body while rain drops continued to pour from the sky. Lexa suddenly hoped it would never stop raining.  
  
The girls were to lost in one another to notice Abby now standing where Lexa once stood. She watched the girls talk and hold one another tenderly, she watched them kiss while whispering little things to one another. Abby couldn't help herself so she stood their for a few moments longer with a proud smile upon her lips at the girl who made her daughter smile, who made her fall in love so easily and quickly, who was a fighter even if she didn't think so.  
  
"Do they remind you of anyone?" Abby turned around to see her husband standing behind her looking out to the girls.  
  
"Us" Abby smiles turning back to the girls as she watches Clarke push Lexa away playfully while backing away in to the garden in challenge. She didn't only feel proud of her daughter but for Lexa too, how far she had came in half a year, how her smile seemed to now almost be permanent and how despite her past she continued to march on.  
  
"Should we tell them we're here?" Jake questioned placing one arm around his wife while the other clung to his crutch.  
  
"In a minute" Abby says after a moment her smile turning in to a laugh as Lexa tries catch Clarke in the rain and for some reason Abby couldn't imagine life without Lexa in it anymore.  
  
\--  
  
She wasn't sure if she yelped or laughed as Clarke tugged her playfully on her back, the grass instantly soaking her right threw if she wasn't already. Yet Lexa didn't notice or she just failed to care as Clarke hovered above her with that smile Lexa could never quite get enough of, it was only then Lexa noticed how much Clarke was truly smiling, the brightness of it reaching her eyes in a way that took a hold of Lexa's heart with a rapid beat. Clarke's hair fell around Lexa's face shielding her from any rain waiting to fall only then did Lexa zone back in.   
  
"You're soaked" Lexa hummed watching the water trickle down Clarke's face and form a tiny droplet on the end of her nose.   
  
"That's what happens in the rain" Clarke says smugly entangling her fingers with Lexa as she presses it gently in to the grass. "There is something I need to tell you" Clarke grins placing feather like kisses as long Lexa's jaw line, a place Clarke would happily bury herself and hide.   
  
"What?" Lexa questioned her eyes closing automatically as she turns her neck slightly to the side.  
  
 "You" Clarke whispers continuing her trail of kisses with a smirk before placing a gentle nibble to Lexa's jaw line. "Look" continuing her assault down Lexa's neck till she reached the bottom. She flattens her tongue out  licking up Lexa's pulse point all the way back to her jaw line earning her extremely sexy moan "so sexy in the rain" Clarke finishes bringing her lips to hover above Lexa's.   
  
"You're crazy" Lexa just about manages to say before she presses her lips to Clarke's with the widest of smiles.   
  
"Crazy for you" Clarke hums between kisses cheekily before capturing Lexa's lips in a proper kiss. The kiss wasn't intended to become so heated in such a place but like always Clarke couldn't hold back, she couldn't resist Lexa when she was across the room studying all hidden under a blanket never mind while she's laying soaking wet on her back on the grass with every piece of clothing clinging to her body. She kissed her and she kissed her till the air in her lungs burned, she kissed her till her body automatically started pressing tighter in to Lexa catching every gasp and every vibration in her mouth with more want than she thought existed. "Fuck" Clarke moaned breaking the kiss for less than a second as she changed the angle of the kiss before diving right back in tasting the water droplets amongst their tongues while Clarke's hand roughly pushed Lexa's vest up so she could feel Lexa's bare skin against hers.   
  
"Girls!!! Get inside before you catch your death" Abby shouted knocking the girls instantly from one another as they jumped apart.   
  
\---  
  
"I haven't forgotten you know" Clarke says breathing in Lexa's new scent while circling her sweaty hip.   
  
"Forgotten what?" Lexa questioned her green eyes tracing every inch of Clarke's face. They had found a new routine when ever they made love they never just fell straight to sleep holding one another till morning would come, instead the snuggled, they kissed and they talked about things that would never matter and things that meant everything. Which ever way the conversation went Lexa always had a glowing smile as she finally fell to sleep, one night they spoke about fingers and toes and why they have five and not six or even four? It was a real mystery and apparently bothering Clarke's crazy little mind.   
  
"About colleges" Clarke says gently her eyes meeting green which suddenly help a small panic. "We have just been so busy with exams, and school and chitty chitty bang bang"  
  
"Chitty chitty bang bang?" Lexa questions confused.   
  
"Sex Lexa. Sex" Clarke says like its the most obvious thing in the world but all Lexa can do is frown and laugh. "I wanted to show you something"  
  
"I remember"   
  
"I still do" Clarke says bringing her hand up to settle against Lexa's neck with a soothing thumb "Can I ask you something?"   
  
"anything"   
  
"What are you afraid of most?"   
  
It was a simple question, a question that could mean many things and have a large variety of options for someone who isn't Lexa.   
  
"losing you" Lexa confesses her eyes drifting away from Clarke's eyes nervously like they always did, but it was the truth she was scared they would leave school go of to college and forget this love story, forget it ever happened and call it a phase, only Lexa knew it would never be that for her and despite Lexa knew deep dark Clarke loved her just as much as she loves Clarke, she still couldn't rid the fear of it happening. She never thought her mother would die but she did, she never expected to lose her mother and father in one night but she did, she never expected to be almost alone for the ten years of her life until she found Clarke, but that happened two. "I'm scared you will go of to college and forget about me" Lexa says sheepishly playing with blonde locks nervously between her fingers.   
  
"Lex" Clarke says softly sitting up to rest on her elbow. "I couldn't do that even if I wanted to" She says softly tracing Lexa's jaw line. "Wait there" Clarke says suddenly jumping out of bed and very nakedly walked over to her draws pulling out a book that looks more than worn down.   
  
"This is what I wanted to show you" Clarke says pulling the sheet back over her body as she cuddles up beside Lexa. "I know we haven't discussed where we choose to go for college and maybe that's my fault because I want us to be able to choose the best schools suited for us." Clarke says shyly. "But as I choose I started thinking of you, and well.. here" Clarke says handing the book over to Lexa to look for herself.   
  
She wasn't sure why she was nervous but as she pulled a few pages open her belly was fluttering with nerves. She furrowed her brows as she read a list of colleges what looked to be like a spider diagram. As Lexa continued to read and study the page she realised all the colleges Clarke had wrote down were her choices and then with arrows coming out of them that pointed to Lexa's name which was in the middle, which worked out to be colleges that Lexa could also possibly attend. The next page were a list of colleges with a arrow to a time duration on how far apart they were from one another the furthest going up to three hours.   
  
"What is this?" Lexa questioned although she kind of already knew judging by the smile that started to form, but she didn't want to assume, she didn't want to hope for it to crash down, she didn't want to look silly because this was really all she had thought about for a little over six weeks. She needed Clarke to tell her.   
  
"I found all the colleges we could both attend with good programs for the both of us, some are the same and some are a little further apart" Clarke says shyly pointing to the colleges and following the arrows with her fingers. "These are only the colleges in the same country, but I worked out how far away some were here two just incase" Clarke says looking at a lit up Lexa. "I could never forget about you" Clarke says softly her hand  pushing itself in Lexa's hair. "I love you silly" she says playfully pressing her nose to Lexa's.   
  
"What if I had picked somewhere in another country"  
  
"Turn the page" Clarke grins. So Lexa does and there in black and white is another graph of different colleges in different country where they could both go. "and if you turn to the back of the book you will see how much I really, really could never get bored of you" Clarke says proudly. Lexa quickly turns to the back of the book and she freezes.   
  
"Clarke" Lexa says amazed her eyes tracing the paper. A whole piece of paper covered by a sketch of Lexa's hands curled up in to half balls, the next page were focused on her eyes and her lashes and it seemed never ending as she flicked threw page after page all of her one page just a entire shadow of her form.   
  
"I can never get you out of my head" Clarke confesses.   
  
"I love you" Lexa blurts out her eyes darting from one place to the next blue eyes, to beauty spot, to wet lips. "I love you" Lexa repeats her smile making it impossible to kiss in a way she wants but would never stop trying as she pulled Clarke above her.   
  
"I take it that makes you happy?" Clarke questioned threw kisses with a giggle.   
  
"So, So happy" Lexa whispers biting on Clarke's smiling lips while giggling to one another.   
  
"Shut up and kiss me then" Clarke says playfully pushing her already naked body in to Lexa's.   
  
"I'm trying" She grins kissing Clarke's lips once more, god its hard to kiss when you cant remove your smile.  
  
  
  
 **I have good news, next chapter will not be the last, I actually have a idea! So bare with me! :D**   
**Comments, kudos, views? Let me know what you thoughts!**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is how you do it  
> You sit infront of a keyboard putting one word after the other.  
> It's that easy, and that hard! :D
> 
> Comments very much appreciated! :D


	33. Chapter 33

**Lost and Insecure!  
**

Love is weakness. You would think Lexa would strongly believe that, and maybe at some point she did, even if it was just a little bit. She grew up knowing her Father had killed her mother in a jealous rage, one simple moment that changed everything, leaving her to fend for herself with no one that truly wanted to take the responsibility of taking care of her like a child needed. Years had passed and Lexa would find herself thinking about her parents, she would try and remember the memories they had where they would smile and laugh, where they would look at one another like you would see in movies. She would wonder how loving someone could drive you to cause their death but no matter how much she tried to understand it she drew a blank. Now was no different, accept the fact she was experiencing love for herself instead of basing it of a movie. The thought of hurting Clarke in anyway sickened her, it made her stomach drop in away she never wanted to feel again.  As Lexa rocked gently in the hammock looking up in to the night sky, her mind wondered further in to her parents relationship trying to work out where it all went wrong when she was only six years old, only all she could see was her dad drunk and her mother rolling her eyes playfully at her. She now knows that this was a disguise, a protection for Lexa so she wouldn't understand the full extend of what was happening, instead Lexa would just laugh at her mum like she was being naughty when her daddy couldn't see. She loved her dad of course she did, what child didn't? She remembers little of him before drink took over but she remembers wrapping her arms around his neck in a cuddle her hands to small to reach one another as they held on to him, she remembers he always nuzzled his nose against hers instead of a kiss goodnight and he always called her Alexandria as it was his mothers name to.  
  
"Hey kiddo" Jake smiles wheeling himself near Lexa's hammock. "Beautiful night ay?"  
  
"Yeah" Lexa breaths with her own smile looking back up to the stars. It really was, her eyes flickered across the night sky from one star to the next until it landed on the full moon, she remembers doing this with her mum, it was a few weeks before she died and she remembers being really cold until Hannah threw a blanket over her and snuggled closer in to her side. She remembers playing with her mum to find the biggest star as they pointed from one to the next, she remembers her mum kissing her head and saying she loves her, and like always her mother would say something wise, something magical, she wasn't sure why she remembers all the things she would say but she was glad she did, she said _'Only in the darkness can you see the stars'_ then a little later she also said _'Even the smallest star shines in the darkness'_ At the time being six years old Lexa had no idea what she was on about, and it barely made much sense but like always they had deeper meanings that Lexa slowly came to understand.  
  
"What are you thinking about?" Jake questioned after a moment of silence and when Lexa turns to face him, he is already watching her curiously but his smile just as warm and gentle as always. There was something about Jake, something that reminded him of Clarke, he was always warm and welcoming and despite his lack of seriousness when he did it was a moment where you would just listen.  
  
"My mum" Lexa says hesitantly her eyes dropping to Jake's wheel chair which he had been bound to for weeks now.  
  
"Arh" He say soothingly looking back up to the sky, the silence settling in which for some reason would never become awkward with him. For a moment all that you could hear was the occasional tweet from a owl and the popping sound of Jake's lips coming of the tip of his beer bottle.  
  
"I've listened to my wife talk about her time in the system" Jake says softly not bothering to look at Lexa, instead he takes another sip of his beer while continuing to look up to the stars. "I wasn't raised that way so I could never possibly understand it, but I admire it" he explains "She got dealt a bad hand, but she never looked back or felt sorry for herself" he breathed his head resting Lazily against the back of his chair. "When we fostered you, I wasn't sure but she was determined if she could help one person it would be worth it, so I believed in her, like she always believes in me" he says finally turning to face Lexa for the first time, his eyes just as blue as Clarke's. "She was right" he says nodding proudly "I'm not your father and Abby's not your mother but I want you to know, I'm proud of you, Abby and I both are" he confesses before turning to look back to the stars. "and I'm sure where ever your mum is, I bet she is two"  
  
Silently Lexa's eyes had filled with tears only coming to realise it herself when she blinked at her blurry vision. She wasn't much of a emotion person but Jake's words seemed to pass every barrier Lexa ever had very willingly. She tried to wipe her tears before they could fall discreetly in the silent night but Jake noticed. He didn't need to lean forward and cuddle Lexa, he didn't need to apologise or comfort her that he didn't mean that, instead he smiled, the softest smile he could possibly give.  
"I've never really lost anyone but one thing I do know is, You're lucky even if you don't know it" he confesses gently. "Hannah may have only had a short time with you, but you miss her, love her and you think about her from time to time" he says his eyes connecting with green. "that just means you were lucky" he says. "You were luck because she was special enough to miss, you were lucky because despite the short amount of time she was here with you, she made every second count" he says softly. "and you my dear" he says proudly "are one amazing young lady, and I'm glad my daughter has you on her standing by her" he says honestly his chest puffing out subconsciously as he speaks about the protection of his daughter. The silence fell amongst them and Lexa would be lying if she said her tears weren't flowing freely down her cheek to fast for her to catch, her jaw ached from the fierce grip she held trying her best not to break out in a full on sob.  
"Good night Lexa" Jake said after a moment of silence squeezing Lexa's knee one last time before wheeling his way back in to the house.  
  
It wasn't the first time words failed Lexa and she was sure it wasn't the last but as she was left in the garden alone once more with nothing but the night sky shinning down on her she released the tense grip she held on her jaw and for once allowed herself to cry, she allowed herself to feel her mums death, her mums memories and Jake's beautiful words that made her smile threw out her tears, her heart tightened before it fluttered open and she let the puddles form upon her cheeks. She cried until she smiled, and then she smiled until she was grinning almost laughing as she memorised the moments that changed from bad to worse to one of the best things that ever happened to her, there wasn't only Clarke that had a special place in her heart. Abby, Jake and Anya held a special place too, her new family. It was like being on a rollercoaster as she wiped her tears from her cheek with the widest of smiles, she wasn't sure what really just happened, but something changed something that maybe she was always looking for.  
  
"Shoot for the stars" Lexa whispered in to the night sky hoping somewhere her mum could hear. She laid there for only a few moments longer replaying Jake's words before she had to go and pick Clarke up from the hospital.   
  
\---  
  
"My feet hurt" Clarke whined as she began tidying up the children's ward for burn victims.  
  
"You volunteered" George laughed as he began helping Clarke pick up reading books. "Probably don't help that your mums a doctor"   
  
"Actually I do it for myself" Clarke admits "I would do this even if my mum wasn't a doctor. I love it"  
  
"Well I haven't seen you around here lately, where you been?" George questioned shrugging his shoulder like he causally only just noticed the blonde missing.   
  
Clarke bit her lip as she picked up pillows from the floor before placing them back on the bed, she had been absent recently and really there was no valid excuse. Only there really was, and god was it the best excuse in the world. Lexa. Their relationship had just kind of blew out of the water until they were spending every spare second with one another until they closed and reopened their eyes. She had only been at the hospital for eight hours but that eight hours left her feeling excited and giddy to see Lexa, was it sad that she felt withdrawn? because that's what it felt like, not that Clarke ever felt withdrawn from anything, other than sleep, defiantly sleep since Lexa, but that was certainly a better addiction she would stay withdrawn from sleep forever happily.  
  
"Just been busy" Clarke shrugged. "why you missed me?" Clarke teased with a laugh while she tugged a teddy bear back under the quilt cover.  
  
"Hardly" he says scrunching up his face in disgust at the possible idea.  
  
"Whatever you say" Clarke laughs pulling on her jacket as George does the same.  
  
"I just prefer you here so the girls don't put make up on my face" he says seriously.  
  
"So on mine is ok?" She questioned beginning to walk down the hall.  
  
"Obviously, this face isn't made for make up" he smiles like it was moulded for perfection. "Oi oi" he elbows. "Look at that" he says elbowing Clarke once more as he nods down the hallway just as she see's Lexa enter the automatic doors.   
  
"What?" she questions not sure what he's on about, but struggling to listen enough to actually care while Lexa was only a few feet away looking as innocent and as beautiful as always. Clarke smiled, god did she smile. She couldn't help it as she watched from afar Lexa ask reception shyly with pure confusion on her face not sure which way to go or where to wait for Clarke.  
   
"Her." he says like it's obvious. "Brunette with long legs" he says "Are you blind?" he questioned "She's gorgeous!" he announced. Clarke suddenly snapped out of her trance and eyes George carefully with a frown.  
  
"Lexa?" Clarke questioned.  
  
"What?" George eyes widened "You know her and you haven't introduced me?" he questioned. "Come on" he says pulling Clarke closer to Lexa before she could say another word, not that she was going to, she was about ready to either punch him or burst out laughing.  
  
"Hi" George quickly says confidently holding out his hand "I'm George" in his charming voice.   
  
"Hello" Lexa says a little startled but quickly relaxing when her eyes land on Clarke, but before either girls had time to speak George spoke again.  
  
"I was just asking Clarke how she hasn't introduced us yet" He says still keeping his eyes on Lexa. "Didn't I Clarke"  
  
"You was" Clarke confesses her eyes shooting daggers but her smile betraying her as Lexa's eyes remained on her. "Lexa this is George" She says softly rolling her eyes "And George, this is Lexa" she says leaning forward with out hesitation, her eyes unable to remove from that heavenly green. God she had missed those. "My girlfriend" she added before placing a soft lingering kiss on Lexa's lips with a smug smile.   
  
"Hi" Lexa whispers shyly as Clarke's lips pulls away and just that look, that fucking look had Clarke enwinding her fingers with Lexa and forgetting all about dickhead George, because she knew Lexa had missed her just as much and suddenly felt less pathetic, but she was kept intrigued even more the longer she stared in to beautiful green, there was something there, something different and Clarke held on to Lexa that little bit more.  
  
"Hi" Clarke says squeezing Lexa's hand like she would never let go again because a whole day without her was just the worst thing in the world.   
  
"Okay.. well that was unexpected" George interrupts holding his hands up "are you kidding?" he questioned awkwardly looking between the two girls, as if they were playing a prank. "You really don't look gay" he says confused.  
  
"Are gay people suppose to look like something?" Clarke questioned furrowing her brows.  
  
"Well normally one is more"  
  
"More?" She pushes frowning even deeper while keeping grip of Lexa's hand.  
  
"I Don't know" he says shrugging like this is the worst topic in the world. "More boyish"  
  
"Do you seriously want a slap?" Clarke questioned  
  
"NO. no. no." he says holding his hands up in surrender "It's not what I meant" he rushes his face red with embarrassment knowing his only digging a deeper hole. "I'm just going to go" he says with a smile of apology. "Sorry, and nice to meet you leg- Lexa" he corrects quickly before darting of.  
  
"So that was George" Lexa says after a moment of silence.  
  
"He is suck a dick" Clarke says turning fully to face Lexa. "Hello" Clarke says almost instantly forgetting everything that happened as she slowly wraps her arms around Lexa "You have absolutely no idea how much I've missed you today" she whispers placing soft kisses on Lexa's lips and tip of her nose.  
  
"I missed you two"   
  
"What have you been doing with out me?" Clarke questions cheekily.  
  
"Dancing in the rain alone" Lexa lies keeping her hold around Clarke's waist.  
  
"I'm jealous"  
  
"I knew you would be" Lexa whispers pushing her lips to Clarke's once more.  
  
\---  
  
  
"What's she doing?" Lexa laughed looking at her girlfriend who had dropped to her knee's.  
  
"Praying" Anya smirks watching her cousin from behind with Lexa.  
  
"Please god, please just let me come home and she not be here! I mean she don't even live here, its not like I'm asking for her to be homeless! Just some peace and quiet!" she pleads her hands clasped together looking to the ceiling. "please! I beg you, Amen!"  
  
"You're so over dramatic" Anya says the second she was done.  
  
"You couldn't have told me she was here?" Clarke questions turning to Lexa ignoring her cousin, "I would have slept in the car"  
  
"I'm here" Anya laughs. "Feel free to sleep in the car"  
  
"She told me she wanted to surprise you" Lexa shrugs "You haven't seen her in a month"  
  
"and the month was the best surprise Lexa, like the absolute best. Today, terrible, a very very bad, bad day" She explains her hands flying here there and every where during her very passionate argument. "  
  
"I missed you two porky" Anya smirks wrapping her arms tightly around Clarke making it impossible to get of.  
  
"Get of me" she huffs trying to push her way free but failing miserable "You absolutely reek" she gags holding her hand over her nose   
  
"oh yeah I went for a run" she says like she had long forgotten "but for some reason I couldn't wait to hug you any longer, awh" she continues squeezing Clarke like she was waiting for her to pop.  
  
"You are such a freak" Clarke huffs. "Now I need a shower"  
  
"Err wasn't you going to shower anyway?" Anya questions releasing the blonde with a disgusted look.  
  
"Yeah I wa-"  
  
"Clarke that is really disgusting, god Lexa how do you share a bed?" she questions seriously.  
  
"I do sho-"  
  
"You are disgusting! I'm going to tell everyone that!"   
  
"Anya!"  
  
"Actually I will text them it, who would have thought porky got her name for actually stinking like a pig" Anya says with wide eyes.  
  
"See!" Clarke huffs like a child who lost her rattle. "This is a surprise" she says knowingly looking to Lexa before storming of upstairs, the second the bathroom door slammed shut Anya burst out laughing.  
  
"You can't resist winding her up can you" Lexa says shaking her head.  
  
"Like fuck I can" She laughs. "She makes it far to easy, I swear she welcomes it. Come on legs"  
  
Like earlier that night Lexa found herself sitting in the garden only this time not on her own, or with Jake, but with Anya who didn't find star gazing all that amazing and instead took it upon herself to sit in the hammock swinging herself side to side rather quickly like she was on a real swing.  
  
"Strange" Anya says allowed looking at her hands wiggling her fingers before turning them around and doing the same thing.  
  
"What is?" Clarke says dropping down beside Lexa and placing a kiss on her cheek. "You ok?" Clarke whispers softly her hands finding Lexa's almost instantly under the blanket.  
  
"Yeah" Lexa smiled.  
  
"Yeah?" Clarke asked unconvinced.  
  
"Yeah" Lexa says more confidently this time.   
  
"Good" Clarke says lovingly resting her head on Lexa's shoulder.  
  
"Our hands are so strange" Anya continues staring at her hand like they were aliens.   
  
"What?" Clarke questioned a laugh pulling at her throat. "What are you on about now?" she questioned shaking her head.  
  
"Well one hand is perfect, has the ability to write, paint, Clean, fuck someone good" She says seriously while turning her gaze to the disappointing one "and well the other, load of shit really I mean what's the point?" she questioned genuinely.  
  
"If your asking me to cut one of for you, ill do it" Clarke says with a smirk with nothing but Idiot running threw her mind.  
  
"Well if you did would it make a difference? I mean last night I really tried to fuck raven With this hand" she says raising her left hand "It was dreadful, like seriously Raven was looking at me like my hand wasn't even in their, or even questioning if I'm ok" Anya says with disbelief.  
  
"Never touch me" Clarke says seriously. "Or cook my food, Better yet do you want me to cut of that hand?"  
  
"Clarke" Lexa nudges shaking her head while laughing at Anya.  
  
"I'm totally serious" she says turning to Lexa. "As if she just sat their telling me she Fucked Raven with that hand"  
  
"Tried" Anya corrects not at all ashamed "it seems any ability in this hand is gone" she says flapping it around like it was a bendy ruler. "Maybe its broke"  
  
"Maybe your just terrible in bed" Clarke says with a cringe before turning her gaze to Lexa and looking in to green eyes, green eyes that always told her to place nice with Anya, green eyes that would forever roll when Anya and her got in to a bicker that seemed to happen every time they even looked one another's way.  
  
"Yeah" Anya barks out a laughter that even makes Lexa jump. "Doubt that. I'm a Griffin"  
  
"What does that mean?"  
  
"We are excellent at sex" She says which instantly made Lexa laugh aloud before covering her mouth with two frowning Griffins staring at her.  
  
"Why is that funny?" Clarke questions pointing her finger in Lexa's thigh playfully beneath the blanket.  
  
"Awwh Baby Griff" Anya mocks "Lexa's trying to tell you something" Anya laughs. "It probably because you never shower"  
  
\------  
  
God why did Lexa's skin always have to smell so good and feel so soft? Clarke's fingers were itching to go lower as she glided her fingers across Lexa's stomach feeling the goose bumps appear almost instantly, she loved how Lexa always closed her eyes when ever she would start soothing her skin with soft hums leaving her lips when she would dip her fingers beneath the waist line of her shorts before bringing them back out again.  
  
"You know that you are unbelievably attractive right?" Clarke questioned looking down at the brunette.  
  
"So you say" Lexa says innocently.  
  
"I don't just say" Clarke says with a cheeky smile. "Dickhead George seemed to think so two" she says a hint of jealousy evident in her voice and without even knowing what she was doing Clarke gripped on to Lexa's hip as she said it, almost like it was territorial like she was scared she wasn't actually their to be hers.  
  
"He only said hello" Lexa says with a laugh but turning fully to face Clarke.  
  
"He eye fucked you" Clarke says looking Lexa up and down "I hate that people can do that"  
  
Lexa watched her girlfriend tenderly, it wasn't the first time she had seen Clarke jealous, and she was certain it wasn't the last and despite her loving her protective side, she also hated it for her too, she hated having Clarke worry someone else would have her, because she hated thinking about the possibility herself about Clarke. Lexa didn't say anything simply because their was nothing really to say, she hated it two but their was simply nothing she could do to change it.  
  
"What was wrong earlier?" Clarke questioned moving posision till she was hovering above Lexa while holding her weight up with her arms.  
  
"When?"  
  
"the hospital" Clarke whispers like their were cameras in the room.  
  
"Nothing" Lexa says confused.  
  
"there was something" Clarke whispers her fingers playing with loose curls of hair splayed out across Lexa's shoulder. "you seemed different, in thought maybe? did something happen today?" Clarke soothed placing kisses along Lexa's jawline. God it was to irresistible.  
  
"Hmm" Lexa hummed her eyes falling close while stretching her neck unable to answer Clarke's question.  
  
It really wasn't Clarke's plan at all, she just wanted to question Lexa about earlier, but after placing the first feather like kiss she couldn't stop herself and so she did another, and then another until her hand was gripping the opposite side of Lexa's jaw in position while her kisses became more demanding and urgent with the occasional bite to her jaw. God she just missed her, she had missed her all day to the point she found herself shamelessly thinking about Lexa's whimpering face while she was knuckle deep inside, even Lexa's moans echoed in her ears and now she was desperate to hear it for real as the memory quickly came to light once more.  
  
"Lexa" Clarke husked before pushing her lips fiercely against Lexa's again, mouth opening instantly to taste Lexa's tounge, to feel the vibration of her moans, to taste her. God to taste her. "I need you" Clarke demanded. Her lips more desperate than ever as she pinned Lexa to the bed her hands growing more bolder and less gentle, this wasn't about romance, or making love. This was about need, want and lust.  
  
"Clarke" Lexa breathed breathlessly their lips parting, Lexa just as confused and surprised at how quickly things changed in to something a lot more heated. She didn't have time to think, god she didn't even have time to breath before Clarke's hungry lips were ravishing hers again biting and sucking while her hands caressed Lexa's breast with more roughness than ever before. "Clarke" Lexa breathed once more trying and failing to be able to speak when Clarke seemed incapable of listening. So instead Lexa gripping on to Clarke and tossed them over her breathing just as heavy as Clarke's.  
  
"Fuck" Clarke moaned this only egging Clarke on with eager lips which only seemed to cause a smile to spread across Lexa's lips before pulling them apart once more.  
  
"I'm on my period" Lexa says shyly.  
  
"What?" Clarke says like it was impossible to understand any English in this state but body still vibrating with sexual energy.  
  
"I tried to say" Lexa say innocently "but you didn't really let me..talk"  
  
"Oh" Clarke deadpans. "Can we still kiss?" Clarke questioned with a soft smile.  
  
"Ye-" Lexa didn't get to finish her sentence before Clarke's desperate lips smashed in to hers clinging to her neck while pushing her body further up in to Lexa's for any friction she could get. They tossed and turned fighting one another for their lips and bodies until they were breathless and even then they didn't stop.  
  
"Such a tease" Clarke smirks biting down on Lexa lip before pushing her tounge in Lexa's mouth. "God you're sexy" Lexa wanted to laugh but she also couldn't as she soon discovered the hornier Clarke got without being satisfied the more she spoke and Lexa found this whole thing a turn on. "I'm so wet" Clarke confessed grinding her centre in to Lexa. Like Lexa said she wanted to laugh but found it impossible as her lips started eagerly fighting back just as much as Clarke's, until they were past desperate for one another and Lexa found herself rocking in to Clarke.  
  
"Oh fuck" Clarke moaned her eyes falling close "Do that again" she pleaded and so Lexa did grinding in to Clarke until her eyes clenched tighter closed.  
  
"Girls" Came Abbys voice with a knock on the door pulling the girls apart abruptly.  
  
"What?" Clarke snapped pulling the quilt over her naked body. "What is it?" she questioned her breathing more erratic at the close call.  
  
"Could you come downstairs for a second Your father and I would like to discuss something with the both of you"  
  
The girls look at one another confused for a moment wondering what they could possibly need to speak to them about right now.  
  
"Ok, be down in a minute"  
  
\--  
  
They walked in the living room silently but hand in hand and Clarke couldn't take her eyes of Lexa, not because she wanted to throw her against a wall and finish what they started, but because she was making her heart swell even more. The shy Lexa returned, the Lexa that prepared for bad things to happen or anything to happen at all as she walked in to the living room, she was silent but the way her bottom lip turned over with nerves gave her away, the way she was playing with Clarke thumb just confirmed Clarke's suspicions.  
  
"Sorry girls I know its late" Abby says cuddling up to Jake "but with my schedule and your dad due to go back to work soon its hard to find a time where we are all in the house at the same time" she says apologetically.  
  
"it's ok" Clarke says knowing Lexa is to nervous to say a word. "What is it?  
  
"Well me and your dad have been thinking for a few weeks now" she says taking Jake hand in her own before looking to both girls with a reassuring smile. "Lexa, its your birthday coming up soon" Abby reminds her, not that she could possibly forget Clarke drawn on the calendar a bit over the top.  
  
"What Abbys trying to say is" Jake starts his eyes on Lexa completely "You didn't get a change to go Thailand and we know how much you were looking forward to it, so what me and Abby have done is booked you two a trip"  
  
"a trip?" Lexa says confused but shocked her thumb moving more rapidly against Clarke's and Clarke was unable to supress her smile no longer focusing on anything but Lexa.  
  
"Yes a trip" Abby laughs at Lexa's wide eyes. "It's for the both of you its kind of a birthday present slash graduate present because its for three weeks"  
  
"Three weeks!" Clarke interrupts her eyes wide  
  
"Yes" Jake confirms laughing "You start of in Thailand" he explains "You will be their for 5 days, and then you will be getting on another flight to New York, and then to LA" He says excitedly "and you will be back right in time for college"  
  
"What?" Clarke says shocked turning to Lexa who seemed to be wearing the same expression.  
  
"You're sending us on holiday?" Lexa questioned nervously.  
  
"We are sending you on holiday" he smirks.  
  
"Alone?"  
  
"Well together" Abby smiles just as wide as her husband.  
  
"No way!" Clarke can't even find words, and its seems neither can Lexa.  
  
"Yes way!" Jake laughs standing carefully on both legs. "It's also a thank you for saving my life, and taking care of my daughter" He adds wrapping Lexa in his parental bear hug, and just like that Jake had Lexa with tears in her eyes for the second time that day, so she wrapped her arms around the father man who was a father figure in her life and held on for dear life with her own kind of thanks, that meant everything.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this chapter is Dreadful! LMAO!!  
> well that's what you get for improvising, shit! LOL


	34. Chapter 34

**Lost And Insecure!**

"Please shut that baby up" Anya pleaded while covering her ears.  
  
"He just needs changed" Clarke says a little clueless already regretting agreeing to babysitting for a hour.  
  
"Yeah hopefully in to a puppy or something quieter"  
  
"Anya! You cant say that" Clarke snaps while laying the fidgety screaming baby on the ground.  
  
"Oh please, like a ten month old baby can understand me"  
  
"they recognise things" Clarke defends unbuttoning the baby grow while the baby refuses to stay still.  
  
"Obviously not silence" Clarke could only roll her eyes as she struggles to pull the baby's kicking legs out of its clothes to make way for a stinky nappy.  
  
"Can you help me here" Clarke huffs turning to Anya before turning the screaming baby.  
  
"I'm good here thanks I prefer fresh air"  
  
"Anya"  
  
"Fine, fine! Where's Lexa? why do I have to be on baby duty?" Anya groaned sitting beside Clarke on the floor equally as clueless.  
  
"You're the one that agreed when the neighbour knocked on our door, claiming I'm a expert with babies"  
  
"Well baby Annabelle use to love you"  
  
"It was a doll" Clarke deadpanned, shaking her head while wishing the baby would just shut up so she could think.  
  
"Well what do you want me to do?" Anya questioned while both Griffins stare down at the crying boy.  
  
"I don't know" Clarke shrugs. "I've never changed a baby before, he keeps kicking his legs" She points out. "hold his legs, that way I can get his nappy of without poo going anywhere" Clarke suggest.  
  
"why do I have to hold his legs?"  
  
"You can wipe his bum if you prefer?"  
  
"I'll hold his legs" Anya nods quickly taking hold of the babys legs gently. "Why do people have these?" Anya questioned like she was disgusted at having someone ruin her quiet time. "woah! he's a fidgety little thing"  
  
"Hold him still then" Clarke orders undoing his nappy while the baby seemed to scream even more.  
  
"I'm trying!" Anya snapped. "I don't want to hurt him"  
  
"This is useless" Clarke huffs sticking the nappy firmly back around. "This is your fault"  
  
"How is it my fault?" Anya asks offended.  
  
"it just is" Clarke says picking the baby back up to hold infront of her. "Please stop crying" She pleads about ready to cry herself.  
  
"Look mate" Anya says seriously with a pointed finger. "We are just trying to help you, now stop being a pain in my butt, and keep that butt still, you hear me?" she questions as the baby continues to scream out. "His rather rude" Anya says turning to Clarke.  
  
"Do you think we should just wash his bum in the bath?" Clarke questioned "Wouldn't it be easier?"   
  
"I Ain't unplugging no shitty plug hole" Anya said seriously  "Nu-uh you Can Anya me all you like you're on your own on that one"    
  
"Well this was your dumb idea!" Clarke barks. "Stop answering my front door anyway you don't even live here!"  
  
"Whatever you say" Anya ignores.  
  
"Let's just go for it" Clarke says placing the crying baby down once more.  
  
"You lead"  
  
"Fine" Clarke wines looking to baby Frankie one last time. "Here goes nothing" she Pulls the nappy open once more while Anya tries to hold the baby still, his cries only becoming more erratic.  
  
"Oh my god!" Clarke gags while pulling the nappy beneath his bum to make sure no poo goes on the carpet before gagging again.  
  
"ew" Anya quickly closer her eyes and holds her breath refusing to see or even smell the kid.  
  
"Hold my nose" Clarke orders gagging as she uses a wipe to clean up his bottom. "ERGH" she gags again covering her mouth. "Anya!" Blindly Anya released the baby and searches for Clarke's nose before pinching down on it.  
  
"What kind of baby poo's like that" Anya says in disbelief holding Clarke's nose along with her own. "FIRE IN THE HOLE!!" Anya shouts out startling Frankie along with Clarke.  
  
"Wha-" Just before Clarke could ask what Anya was on about she felt a small wet puddle forming on her jeans where Frankie was confidently weeing on her.  
  
"GRAB THE NAPPY!" Clarke points "QUICK!"  
  
"YOU GRAB THE FLIPPING NAPPY!"  
  
"Umm what are you doing?" Lexa questioned confused as she places her car keys in her back pocket, not sure to laugh, ask a hell of a lot of questions or not be surprised at all as its Anya and Clarke. They looked like a tangled mess with Anya holding her nose and Clarke's, Clarke's jeans soaked through while trying to fend of the on coming wee.  
  
"changing a nappy" Clarke says innocently shrugging her shoulders like it was the most innocent thing in the world.

"Clarke" Anya says.  
  
"Yes"  
  
"You have shit on your finger"  
  
Lexa couldn't help it, she laughed as she leaned against the door frame while her girlfriend seemed to be trying to detach her finger from her body while she uncontrollably gagged.  
  
"Need a hand?" Lexa questioned already moving closer.  
  
"Apparently not a shitty one, Clarke's got one of those" Anya laughed earning her a shove.  
  
"Do you no how to change a nappy?" Clarke questioned defeated not bothered if poo gets on the floor at this point.  
  
"I do" Lexa smiles innocently as she gently takes over gripping Frankie's ankles and raising them slightly in the air to get to his bottom while pulling at some wipes. She didn't really realise it but as Lexa cleaned up the baby effortlessly while cooing him to silence the two Griffins were frozen to the spot watching amazed and slightly shocked.  
  
"Hello you" Lexa says slightly leaning over the baby as she buttons his baby grow back up. "that wasn't hard was it?" Lexa questioned Frankie who just stared on at her cutely.  
  
"How did you learn to do that?" Clarke questioned after watching Lexa pick Frankie up.  
  
"I've been around many kids" Lexa shrugged "There are loads of babies without any homes" She says sadly looking down at Frankie with a glint in her eyes while tickling his tiny chin. "I use to ask to help sometimes"  
  
"that's cute" Clarke says eyeing her girlfriend with her own special glint behind blue, She gave up on thinking Lexa could no longer surprise her with anything a while back, so instead she smiled and admired her girlfriend who seemed to be able to turn a screaming bratty child in to a cute little angel.  
  
"Weirdo" Anya says shaking her head as she stands and plops herself back on the couch.   
  
"I'm just going to go wash my hands" Clarke says "will you be ok for a sec?"  
  
"sure" Lexa says leaning forward anyway to kiss her girlfriend.  
  
When Clarke came back in the room she stood quietly by the door for a moment eyeing Lexa on the floor with Frankie, god she looked beautiful in her leather jacket and dark blue jeans and combat boots. They had spent the afternoon separate as they were going away soon so Lexa spent the day with Costia but Clarke still couldn't help but miss her for even those few hours, and just seeing her so in control of a situation had Clarke biting her lip.  
  
"You know I love you?" Clarke questioned while placing either leg around Lexa from behind.  
  
"I do" Lexa says with a drop dead gorgeous smile. "How come you have him?"  
  
"Dib shit over there volunteered" Clarke shakes her head making sure Anya heard 'Dib shit'  
  
"He is very smiley" Lexa says widening her eyes playfully at the baby.  
  
"Really?" Clarke questioned turning to Mr stinky who had no evidence of ever crying at all. "He did nothing but cry with us"  
  
"Really?" Lexa questioned before placing Frankie back on the floor and turning to Clarke. "Costia says hello by the way"  
  
"How is she?"  
  
"She's fine. She actually wanted me to let you know that, next week the day before graduation she's throwing a party"  
  
"Did you want to go?" Clarke questioned.  
  
"Only if you come with me" Lexa says shyly as Clarke plays with her fingers.  
  
"I can't let you go alone now can I?" Clarke says playfully. "As if I will let someone else snatch you up"  
  
"No one will snatch me up"  
  
"Course they won't" Clarke says smugly. "I'll be there fending them off" She teases placing a loving kiss on Lexa's lips who seemed to moan at the force of it.  
  
"i'll be there to fend them off" Anya mimicking in a funny voice. "Pass me the sick bowl"  
  
"Here" Clarke says with a smug grin as she places the shitty nappy near Anya.  
  
"You're sick!"  
  
\----

Lexa wasn't about to start complaining but for the last few days something in Clarke seemed to have kick started leaving her nothing but a horny mess every time she greeted Lexa. She wouldn't even need to be doing anything in particular before Clarke would jump her bones sometimes not having so much as a hello being whispered between them before Clarke was ripping the brunettes clothes of until she was completely naked. Only Yesterday Clarke came home while Lexa was playing guitar on the bed and before she could even look up and greet her girlfriend Clarke's lips were on hers with the instrument trapped between them, the day before that it was movie night so all the Griffins laid on their separate couches cuddled up under blankets and before the movie even got half way through Clarkes hand had began wondering under Lexa's top before bravely trying to creep under her thongs, but of course Lexa wasn't about to have Sex in the front room with Abby and Jake in the room so had pushed Clarke's eager hands away more than once with a warning look. Clarke didn't stop there she kissed and nibbled teasingly through out the movie until Lexa was biting back moans, it didn't take much longer until Lexa excused herself to try and regain herself not expecting Clarke to follow so bashfully yanking her in to the bedroom like she hadn't had sex all year. Today was no different the second Frankie's parents picked him up and Anya left to go see Raven Clarkes spark in her eye returned.  
  
"You have no idea what this leather jacket does to me" Clarke husked climbing over Lexa before gripping on to the jacket bringing her closer.  
  
"It's yours" Lexa grinned.  
  
"Exactly" Clarke smirked biting down on her favourite spot on Lexa's jaw. "You make them, sexier" Clarke confessed gripping at Lexa's baby hairs and pulling her head back to open her neck even wider. "Don't you think?" Clarke questioned licking the length of Lexa's long slender neck.  
  
"Clarke" Lexa moaned gripping on to her hips to stabilise herself "We're in the living room" She tried, she really did but Lexa's eyes were already closed at the sensational feeling of Clarke's lips tracing her weak spot she knew far to well. Somehow Lexa found herself at a disadvantage.  
  
"Sorry" Clarke lied nipping on Lexa's earlobe. "Would you prefer the kitchen counter?" Clarke smirked remembering their encounter rather well on the very spot they make toast every morning. Lexa instantly blushed bright red remembering quite vividly that day.  
  
"You're so cute when you're embarrassed" Clarke grinned resting her forehead against Lexa's. "never lose it" she pleaded in barely a whisper taking Lexa's hands in hers and fiddling with her fingers like she knew Lexa was itching to do it.  "I discovered something today" Clarke confessed with a proud smirk.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You happen to be a expert with babies" Clarke grinned showing her pearly whites. "I would have never have guessed that"  
  
"Why?" Lexa questioned her beautiful green eyes focused on Clarke's fingers as she plays with them before rubbing her thumb back and forth across her palm.  
  
"I don't know" Clarke shrugs "I Just didn't. I liked it" Clarke confesses. "It suits you, babies. You had a way with him"  
  
"There easy when you know what you're doing" Lexa shrugs like once again it was nothing, apparently she shrugged at everything she did like it was nothing special, nothing worth talking about or even something worth being proud about, but Clarke wasn't having any of it.  
  
"I don't think so" Clarke argues pulling at Lexa's leather jacket once more for green eyes to connect with blue in the loving way they always seemed to. "all babies could need is food, change of bum and sleep. He had all of those and he still cried for the whole fifteen minutes I had him before you got here, I wanted to cry" Clarke admits pouting her lip making Lexa laugh. "then you flew in like superwoman and boom not even a murmur"  
  
"hmm"  
  
"not hmm" Clarke mocked "You're really good with kids" Clarke says softly wrapping her arms "Is it weird that you kind of turned me on?" Clarke questioned shyly wiggling her eye brows.   
  
"How did it turn you on?" Lexa questioned her smile growing with every second, it was only Clarke that could do this, make her feel so incredible, so amazing from the smallest of things that were literally nothing.  
  
"You had complete control of the situation" Clarke husked "You knew what to do and how to do it" Clarke confessed "Plus you were like my hero" She grinned finally capturing Lexa's lips in a slow lingering kiss barely feeling Lexa's tongue against her own but enough to make her want more and kiss her harder and deeper. "Shower with me" Clarke ordered standing up and holding her hand out.  
  
"What If someone comes home?"  
  
"Then ill tell them I'm showering with my girlfriend" Clarke says shrugging her shoulder as she pulls Lexa in to her. "Sexy girlfriend actually" Clarke corrects.  
  
  
Sex with Clarke was something Lexa could never quite explain and had accepted the fact that maybe she never would. She hated how some people would explain their sex life as earthshattering, or out of this world and found the explanation rather bland and boring sounding more like a lie than the actual truth. It wasn't even the way Lexa would cum until her eyes closed like they would never open again, or the way her breathing became almost hysterical with the sensation shooting through her veins and across her body. It was the after part, the part where she would cum until she swears she would see little spots, the part where Clarke would hold her, sooth her with gentle kisses and nips to her lip like she would never be done, like she could never get enough no matter how many times she watched Lexa fall of the edge. It was just the simple way Clarke's eyes would hold a spark in those incredible blue eyes while struggling to contain themselves with Lexa's still naked body infront of her.  
  
"You ok?" Clarke whispers lovingly.  
  
Maybe it was that question too.  
  
"Perfect" Lexa breathed heavily her eyes finally opening to see Clarke's eyes do exactly what they always did, with that beautiful spark while soothing her body back down from its high. Her fingers now long lost in Clarke's tangled wet hair, her legs like jelly not that that matter as Clarke supports every inch of her.  
  
"I love you" Clarke whispers her dark eyes back to soft and loving as her finger slowly rises to play with wet curls hanging around Lexa's face. "How did I get so lucky?" She questioned seriously her eyes shifting from the water droplets to Lexa's green eyes.  
  
"I'm the lucky one" Lexa says after a moment resting her forehead on Clarke as she slowly steady's herself completely on her own two feet.  
  
"Hmm.. I don't think so" Clarke says her finger following the water droplets down to Lexa's breast. "You are so much more than you think" Clarke says softly pushing her body further in to Lexa's. "You're talented, god so talented you're voice is incredible and you play the guitar fluently and may I add you taught yourself" Clarke says proudly. "You gone through more crap than most people do in a life time and here you are" Clarke says looking Lexa up and down "Here you are with your heart open to me, already aware of the pain you could possibly feel, but you are here" Clarke says softer, slower and more in thought with her own words than Lexa actually was. "With me" she says softly with a glowing smile.  
  
"You don't want to hurt me" Lexa says like she knew it all along.  
  
"I won't ever" Clarke says "That isn't even a option"  
  
"I know" Lexa whispers her arms snaking around Clarke like they were meant to be one.  
  
\---  
  
  
"You realise some Hoe is trying to get in Lexa's pants right?" Anya barks as she intrudes the group.  
  
"I can see that Anya" Clarke says smiling looking over in to Costia's front room where Lexa had never looked cuter in her life. Standing their shifting foot to foot while looking around the room supposedly for Clarke while a girl awkwardly drunkenly flirts with Lexa.  
  
"Am I missing something here?" Anya questioned looking to Clarke, Octavia, and Costia's amused smiles completely focused on Lexa. "Where's your sniper?" She questioned seriously looking to Clarke's hands "Machete? Anything?" She says still baffled that the girl is actually still standing by Lexa intact.  
  
"She's fine" Costia says before laughing at something Lexa did which Anya clearly missed.  
  
"Have you all gone mad?" Anya questioned taking the drink from Clarke's hand and sniffing the tip of the top. "Have you been spiked?"  
  
"Shut up you idiot" Clarke laughs snapping her drink back. "She isn't doing anything wrong"  
  
"I repeat some HOE is trying to get in Lexa's pants. Your girlfriend. Her over there"   
  
"trying" Clarke laughs "Look, does it really look like Lexa is interested?" she questioned casually leaning back on the kitchen counter without a care in the word.  
  
Anya takes a moment to actually turn around and look at the girl who continued to try make conversation that looked more strained than fun, while Lexa awkwardly smiles with her arms crossed over her chest like she was closed of from everyone.  
  
"point taken" Anya says holding a finger in the air "but still that bitch be dead talking to my girl"  
  
"She looks so uncomfortable" Octavia laughs having pity on the girl.  
  
"Good" Clarke says smugly.  
  
"Maybe she needs some liquor courage" Anya says like it was a brilliant idea to relax her.  
  
"Yeah. No" Clarke says instantly.  
  
"don't you think you should rescue her?" Costia questioned. "Or maybe I could rescue her for you?" Costia teases "Or Roan?"  
  
"Hands of my woman" Clarke warns playfully witch a glare. "I think she has suffered enough" Clarke smirks placing her beer down before turning on her heel and heading towards her girlfriend.  
  
Clarke almost laughed when Lexa's eyes looked relieved when they found Clarke before she finally released a breath. She would be so smug right now if she wasn't already thinking of Lexa's lips on hers. It took less than seconds before Clarke finally got hold of them not thinking twice about crashing her lips to Lexa's in a searing kiss as she gripped the back of her neck. Clarke swears the moan that left Lexa's mouth made her instantly wet, as she didn't just welcome the kiss, she searched for more causing Clarke to bring her other hand to Lexa's lower back pulling their bodies flush against one another never parting the kiss despite slowly moving their bodies in sync to the music.  
  
"What naughty little things are you getting up to now?" Clarke questioned with a smirk placing another tender kiss on Lexa's calling lips.  
  
"I was looking for you"  
  
"Oh I could see that" Clarke smirks even wider "I was watching you the whole time, plus Anya told me some girl was trying to get in your pants"  
  
"She asked me if I wanted to go upstairs with her" Lexa says sickened by the idea.  
  
"She did?" Clarke furrowing her brows. "Is she still behind me?"  
  
"No. Why?"  
  
"She's lucky, was going to get her with my machete" Clarke grins leaning forward to kiss Lexa once more. "What did you say to her?" she questioned between kisses.  
  
"I Said no thank you" Lexa says awkwardly. "So gave her my number instead to call me"  
  
Clarke abruptly pulled away frowning at Lexa about to speak up but before she could Lexa spoke instead.  
  
"I'm kidding" Lexa smirked "teach you for watching"  
  
"oh look at you" Clarke says proudly wrapping her arms around Lexa to pull her even Closer if even possible. "Learning how to joke, you have come so far" she grins.  
  
"To much of you and Anya"  
  
"You love us"  
  
"I do" She confesses  
  
"Me more though right?"  
  
"Maybe" Lexa jokes once more earning her a slap to the arm.


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> https://youtu.be/8a54m5f96qc  
> Give it a listen

**Lost And Insecure!**  
  
Final Chapter

   
Graduation wasn't something Lexa really thought about but like most things she had only witnessed them in movies. You would all stand there in black gowns and silly hats waiting for someone to congratulate you and shake your hand while they handed over a rolled up piece of paper confirming your small accomplishment. Maybe that's why she never thought about it much, because she didn't think much of them in the first place. If anything based on the films she had seen, they looked boring, quiet and rather restricted for a celebration, with the build up of a hat being thrown in the air which always seemed anti climax if anything. Like everything else the Griffin family seemed adamant to prove her wrong making it impossible not to notice or hear the family as Clarke walked proudly on stage to take her certificate. They whistled, cheered and clapped like any family, only way louder, not that it embarrassed Clarke in the slightest. Instead she stood straighter turning to face her family with that beautiful smile before rolling her eyes, but what Lexa noticed most was how Clarke turned in search for her as she left the stage. It felt like she was waiting a life time for her name to be called when all she wanted to do was wrap her arms around her girlfriend and tell her how proud she was, how beautiful she looked and how much she loves her more than anything in the world. So as all of Clarke's friends names were called she joined in with their small claps of praise until finally her name was heard instantly making her smile because she would finally get to congratulate her girlfriend.  
  
"Alexandria woods" The head of the school spoke Clearly. Before Lexa could even stand from her seat her whole family erupted in a earth shattering cheer and loud claps.  
  
"Woah!!" Anya and Clarke cheered  while smirking devilishly clapping like they never would again. Lexa barely had time to turn to face her embarrassing family with pink cheeks and parted lips before her head teacher spoke once more.  
  
"we would all also like to wish you a Happy birthday" Miss Linnell beamed before starting another round of applause while awaiting Lexa's presence on stage.  
  
"Woah!!" Anya howled again along with her father.  
  
Lexa could feel her face heating up with every step she took, bowing her head in embarrassment as everyone clapped around her while her rather loud family continued to roar over everyone else. She risked a glance in their direction and she wished more than anything she didn't as she caught devilish blue eyes smirking proudly before letting a loud whistle pass her lips for extra measure. It was one of those moments where you wished you could either bury yourself under a rock forever or wish everyone else dead in that very moment. Finally after what felt like far to many steps she climbed on to the stage, her cheeks burning with pinkness as Clarke, Abby, Jake and Anya only seemed to get louder.  
  
"Congratulations, and Happy Birthday Alexandria" The head of the school praised shaking Lexa's hand firmly before handing over her certificate.  
  
"Thank you" Lexa said just as quietly her smile growing wider as her family got even louder. She turned to face the camera wishing with everything she had that her pink cheeks would just vanish but when the flash went of and her wish never came she quickly made her way of stage to her beaming family. She hadn't noticed it before but now that her entire focus was on them Abby and Jake held a small happy birthday banner with the cheekiest of smiles, they totally embarrassed her on purpose.  
  
"Well done kiddo" Jake quickly said not giving anyone else anytime to say or do anything before his bear like arms wrapped safely around her. "We are so proud of you!" he confessed pulling away to rest both his arms on her forearms.  
  
"Dad leave her alone" Clarke grins pulling at her girlfriend to finally congratulate her herself. "Congratulations" she says softly already entwining their fingers to one.  
  
"You too" Lexa says just as softly and suddenly they were in their own bubble again, just her and Clarke, blue eyes connected with green as they lose their self in gentle touches. There was much to say like all the things Lexa sat only moments ago aching to confess to Clarke, but words became lost as Clarke pulled her close with those soft blue eyes looking at her in such a way, a way that told her how proud she was, how much she loved her, and so lost like herself.  
  
"Awh baby woods look at those pink cheeks" Anya smirked placing her arms around the two girls. "You know blushing is like walking around with a boner" Anya laughs scrunching up her nose adorably to Lexa to only make her blush more.  
  
"will you get lost" Clarke shoves shaking her head while Anya can only laugh.  
  
"Does this mean you two have brains now?" Anya questions teasingly. 

"That would imply you have one to, so defiantly not" Clarke says quickly with a smug grin.  
  
"Touché" Anya dramatically clutches her chest while smiling and turning to Lexa with gentle eyes. See there is this thing about Anya it can take a while to get to know her and understand why she does things, but in reality when you're passed the sarcastic jokes she holds nothing but pure love for her family and Lexa was now one of them and judging by how Anya is looking at her she is proud of their accomplishment no matter how small it may be.  
  
"Thank you" Lexa finally says earning a nod from Anya before disappearing to find her own girlfriend.  
  
"So are you excited for your next surprise?" Clarke questioned eagerly pulling at Lexa's fingers as she struggles to stop beaming with excitement.  
  
"There is more?" Lexa questioned furrowing her brows but unable to stop smiling as she remembered waking to the blonde. Clarke had managed to fill the bedroom with balloons and banners while she slept, and then to add to that she had brought her breakfast in bed with one of the biggest birthday cards she had ever seen, yet despite it all she couldn't help but love it all a little bit more just because of Clarke's excitement and enthusiasm no matter how many times Lexa had said she didn't care about birthdays and repeatedly told her she didn't need anything. But Clarke was Clarke, she never listens.  
  
"Hmm well there are a few more" Clarke says nervously still playing with Lexa's hands while unable to take her eyes of Lexa for even a moment. "I'm a little nervous for the next one" Clarke admits biting her lip. "It's kind of from all of us" Clarke confesses "It couldn't have happened else"  
  
"Should I be worried?" Lexa questioned her eyes watching Clarke curiously before falling amongst Anya, Jake, Abby and Gustus who were already watching them.  
  
"Not at all" Clarke says confidently ignoring the butterflies in her own stomach as she leaned forward to capture her girlfriends lips. "We should get moving"  
  
"I hate surprises" Lexa mutters between the soft kisses only to feel Clarke's lips growing in to a smile against her own.  
  
"I know" Clarke grins. "You will love this one. Promise." She whispers pulling at Lexa's hand to start moving, and for some reason the way blue eyes twinkled with more excitement than she had all day, Lexa believed her so allowed herself to be pulled eagerly along by her insanely cute girlfriend.  
  
\--  
  
She knew the Griffin family were a strange bunch, but when Clarke pulled her quickly and eagerly in to the Living room demanding her to stay there and not move while she disappeared herself she noticed all the family slowly pile in the room standing at a distance with smiles that seemed to be invincible today. She furrowed her brows more than once at Jake and Abby before turning to Anya for answers but Anya only smiled her wicked grin offering her no help at all.  
  
"Ok. Now I'm worried" Lexa says shifting in her seat nervously not having a clue what was happening right now.  
  
"Ok" Clarke says entering the room biting her lip nervously  
  
"What's going on?" Lexa questioned with a nervous laugh before frowning more seriously, she hated all eyes on her or even being centre of attention so this whole thing made her fingers naturally play with the end of her blouse as Clarke breathed out a unsteady breath while nervously taking Lexa's hand in her own reassuring her with a smile.  
  
"Like I said" Clarke starts "We all did this for you" Clarke says proudly looking to each and every one of her family members with so much gratitude and love that it almost looked like she could cry at any given moment. "Today is your 18th and we all wanted to make it as special as we could" Clarke explains squeezing Lexa's hand. "So before anything happens, I just want to say I love you Lex" Clarke says now more relaxed and confident. "We all do, and we just want you to be happy and be able to help in the process, because you are so special in ways you can't possibly imagine"  
  
"Clarke.." Lexa says softly shifting closer on the couch having a million things to say right now but not really sure where to start but wanting Clarke as close as possible.  
  
"Happy Birthday Lex" Clarke says softly placing a tender kiss on Lexa's lips before standing up to open the living room door.  
  
Everyone watched on quietly as Lexa's confused frown slowly dropped from her face to shock, stunned, surprised to instantly teary. She didn't need to be introduced, she didn't need it pointed out, she would know that face anywhere. She raised her hands to cover her mouth in disbelief while her vision quickly became blurry.  
  
"Hi lexie" his familiar yet unfamiliar voice came as he stepped further in the living room.

"Aden" Lexa said in disbelief as she stood up.    
  
"Happy Birthday" Aden beamed  
  
Within seconds Lexa's arms wrapped tightly around Aden her normal brain functions long gone as millions of things ran through her mind from disbelief to how different yet familiar he still looked. She closed her watery eyes as her chin rest on his shoulder squeezing her fingers around his back as he did the same. She still couldn't believe it. She hadn't seen him in four years and the separation was so abrupt that they were even driven away in separate cars not giving them chance to say a proper good bye. It effected Lexa more than she would ever admit because she saw Aden as her baby brother that she needed to protect.  
  
"You're so big" Lexa said through a almost sob while pulling away, her smile betraying her.  
  
"Looks like you shrank" Aden says playfully making Lexa laugh.  
  
She looked at him for a moment, actually looked at him.  
  
He was fourteen now going through puberty and no doubt the hype of hot girls was a top priority. His once small cute dimples were more pronounced beside his small amount of facial hair that had grew through, his hair shorter and god was he a giant. She smiled at her own thoughts and how her small brother had slowly began changing in to a man and like moments before her eyes teared up unable to stop it.  
  
"We should give them some privacy" Jake spoke shaking Lexa from her bubble. She forgot everyone was watching with all eyes on her she had became so shocked, so surprised she just forgot. Her eyes met her now family and all of them were beaming with love and then their was Clarke. Her Clarke. She was stood by the door she not long opened with watery eyes just like Lexa.  
  
"How did this.. I mean?" Lexa stuttered turning to her family she loves so much. "How?" She finally left it at.  
  
"Well it was Clarke really" Abby admitted looking over to her daughter as Lexa's eyes also followed. "She came and spoke to me one night and told me about Aden and how you were separated and the events that happened" Abby said softly "She made it a mission to find you and with great difficulty we were allowed a letter to be passed on to Aden's foster parents. Clarke wrote the letter and within two weeks we received a phone call" Abby admitted smiling proudly at her daughter and Lexa. "Come on, lets give them a moment alone" Abby says after a moment before everyone headed out the door.  
  
"I'll be in the kitchen if you need me" Clarke said softly once she was standing infront of the brunette.  
  
"I want you to stay" Lexa admitted taking Clarke's hand in her own, she wanted to share this with the girl that made it happen and just so happened to love with every fibre of her being. Clarke smiled lovingly at Lexa like she expected no less to leave her mouth but as Clarke snaked her hands around Lexa's waist pulling her close she already knew she wouldn't be staying.  
  
"In a little while, you can introduce me" Clarke explains softly ignoring Lexa's frown. "I've met him briefly but I think you two should have this moment" Clarke says placing a tender kiss on Lexa's lips.  
  
"I love you, Clarke" Lexa blurted more confident than she had ever confessed before "so much" Lexa breaths her eyes scanning blue like they had many times before.  
  
"I know" Clarke hummed proudly wiping at the small tears falling down Lexa's cheek. "Save me some love for later" Clarke whispered pecking Lexa's lips once more before heading towards the door.  
  
"Clarke" Lexa rushed before Clarke could completely disappear.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Thank you"   
  
For a moment she stared at the closed door where Clarke once was, biting her lip with a smile that could light up a city. She expected Clarke not to listen to her when she said she didn't want anything for her birthday, she expected a present and morning kisses because that was Clarke, she expected to be treated like royally all day because Clarke never treated her any other way. Yet she never expected her to decorate the room while she slept before making breakfast in bed. She never expected her to have the head of the entire school announce the special occasion while her family stood proudly at the back cheering and whistling with banners just to embarrass her because they just simply love her. Yet she went above and beyond with Aden and her heart felt like it grew in size in mere seconds and all she could think about was dragging Clarke back in this room to share another piece of her life with her future.  
  
"Girlfriend huh?" Aden teased with a smirk "Since when did you get game?"   
  
"Shut up" she whined turning around to slap his arm but her smile remained exactly where it was. "I can't believe you're here" Lexa said after a moment. She really couldn't, a part of her was still in shock while the other half felt a emptiness quickly filling that she wasn't even aware she had.  
  
"I know, its surreal" his grin feeling familiar again.  
  
"Tell me everything" Lexa said after a moment pulling him to sit comfortably on the couch.  
  
"I don't even no where to start" he confessed looking around the living room. "I got placed in another foster home about six months after.." he paused looking down to the ground before awkwardly looking back up to Lexa not wanting to repeat their abusers name. "So yeah, I got fostered and I've been there ever since" he smiled. "They are such great people Lex, they adopted me properly last year" he admitted.  
  
"Really?" Lexa couldn't help but smile proudly just as Aden was doing. For years now she had worried where he was, what he was doing, if he was ok but no matter how much she hoped he got everything he wanted she still couldn't shake that dreadful feeling that maybe he didn't. "What are they like?" she questioned curiously remembering a man behind Aden that followed him in.  
  
"They are so funny" he laughs shaking his head "Mom is very organised and very bossy, where as dad is  more if you don't tell mom I won't" he grinned "we're kind of a team. I mean, what about you?" he questions more eagerly. "This house is huge!" he confesses eyeing the front room and extra large flat screen TV. "and you have a girlfriend now" he says like its the biggest shock of all.   
  
She looked at him for a moment and just laughed, despite their years apart his personality hadn't changed. His fear was long gone and he was free to do as he pleased but as Aden the boy deep down, he was still the same, his eyes just as soft and eager to know everything.  
  
"The Griffins" Lexa says with a smile already forming "They fostered me a little  over eight months ago" She says turning to look at the pictures on the walls. "They are everything a family should be" she said after a moment of silence. No words could explain the eight months she had been here, how could you possibly explain something that was life changing while being one of the best things to ever happen to you? "They are crazy" Lexa laughed "but I love them" Lexa confessed innocently.  
  
"They seem great" Aden acknowledged. "Anya she is freaking awesome"  
  
"She is" Lexa laughed. "You met her already?"  
  
"Yeah, she picked Dad and I up from the train station and kept us hidden till you left this morning" he grinned.   
  
"Why is she awesome then?"  
  
"I got in the car introduced myself" he laughed "and she was like don't care, we're not friends right now, we are enemy's got it?" he replayed trying to act like a angry Anya. "I had to wake up extra early for this, so please. Please. Be still" he laughed "loved her instantly" Aden admitted nodding his head. "That and on the highway there was this tiny spider climbing along the dashboard, she literally braked pulled over and jumped out screaming, literally it didn't even touch her" he laughed.   
  
"Yeah, apparently they are all scared of spiders in this house" Lexa smirked remembering the spider in Clarke's bed.  
  
"So Clarke?" Aden asked not discreetly at all. "How did that happen?"  
  
"Smooth" Lexa laughed. "I don't know" she admitted shaking her head shyly. "It just kind of happened" she shrugged.  
  
"Nothing just kind of happens. I mean she's super hot"  
  
"She is" Lexa agreed with a warning glare that Aden only laughed too. "We just kissed one day and I don't know" she stuttered.  
  
"You cant even pull a few words together when talking about her. What's the matter did you break in the last few seconds?" he teased.  
  
"You know i'm kind of wishing you didn't come now"  
  
"Yeah. Yeah. Come on details, you're not getting out of it"  
  
"Fine" she huffed twitching her lip to the side. "I just fell in love with her" she said just as shy "It was easy and natural. I didn't know it was happening until it was to late" Lexa admitted fiddling with the hem of her jeans. "Have you met Clarke?" Lexa couldn't help but ask.  
  
"Briefly" he admitted. "I read the letter she wrote to my parents, and I spoke to her on the phone briefly about details, but she brought us back together" he said softly reaching out for Lexa's hands. "She seems pretty incredible to me" he admitted. "Especially since she has you smiling like that"  
  
"She really is" Lexa barely spoke already lost in blue eyes and peachy lips. "She's special"  
  
\---  
  
"Lexa" Clarke argued while being pushed backwards in to their bedroom "He is only here for a few more hours" Clarke argued but was quickly silenced with Lexa's lips on hers. It was soft yet dominant all at once and Clarke found herself beginning to laugh as her legs hit the bed while she tumbled back. "Eager" Clarke whispered just in time for Lexa's lips to catch hers once more.  
  
"Shut up and kiss me" Lexa ordered between kisses, her fingers already seeking Clarke's skin as she pushes under Clarke's top to rest on her hip. Clarke shut up instantly, it was a thing that happened when Lexa was in control, it would always send jolts of pleasure through Clarke's body and down to her core till she was nothing but putty in Lexa's hands. "I love you" Lexa whispered biting down on Clarke's bottom lip just before Clarke's tounge could plead for entrance. "You're beautiful" She whispered her fingers already climbing pale skin till she could feel Clarke's bra straps beneath her finger tips. She was soft and gentle unable to take her eyes of the blonde who held her so tenderly. "Thank you" Lexa repeated resting her forehead on Clarke's who kept her eyes closed, still lost in the kiss and commanding tone Lexa had moments ago.   
  
"You have nothing to thank me for" Clarke finally whispered opening her eyes to stare in to green. "Besides there are more surprises to come" Clarke confessed. "Aden was kind of something we all worked together with to make happen, where as I have my own things yet to give you"  
  
"Clarke I told you.."  
  
"I know, I know" Clarke grinned pressing her palm tenderly to Lexa's cheek before pushing It in to her wild mane. "I wanted to" she whispered pushing up to press another kiss to Lexa's lips. "I like spoiling you, and a birthday seems as good excuse as ever. So just let me do this"  
  
They just stared lovingly at one another for a moment allowing their hearts to flutter against their chest, gentle touches and loving looks were all that was needed to make the other smile with the occasion touch of each others lips. It was a moment they got lost in and once again nothing mattered.  
  
"You know I fall for you every day?" Clarke questioned gliding her finger tips up Lexa's jaw bone across her hair line and down her nose. "I think I would be lost without you" she admitted finally bringing both her arms around Lexa's neck to bring them closer despite Lexa already laying above her. "and as much as I love it just being me and you, Aden is only here for a little while longer" Clarke grinned unable to deny loving the way Lexa brought Aden in the kitchen before excusing herself and Clarke to pull her upstairs just to kiss her and confess her love. She was such a cutie sometimes.  
  
"I know" Lexa said softly. "I just wanted a moment with you" Lexa admitted.   
  
"I know, and I love that you do" she whispered pecking Lexa's lips once more "Save me some of that love for later" Clarke repeated her earlier comment.  
  
"Always"   
  
\----  
  
  
"Broke it here, here and here" Aden explained pointing to his left arm while feeling out his bone through the skin. "Never been on a skateboard since" he admitted turning to the three girls sitting opposite him.  
  
"Screamed like a girl" Aden's dad added with a smirk.  
  
"No I didn't" he denied staring his dad down.  
  
"Did too" his dad teased causing the girls to laugh. Lexa couldn't help but watch their relationship fondly and extremely grateful that for all these years Aden had someone to love and care for him. She found herself squeezing Clarkes hand as she played with her fingers turning just enough to see Clarke smiling.  
  
"Didn't. He makes things up" Aden explained pointing to his old man like he was crazy. "anyway where was I? arhh that's it got to the hospital and this nurse was totally hitting on me" he explained proudly while buffing out his body rather proud of himself.  
  
"She gave you a sticker and a lolly for being brave" Aden's dad added with a chuckle while eyeing his son. "and he tells me I make things up" Derrick laughs now pointing to his son like he was infact the crazy one. The girls all laughed in union while Aden could only glare at his dad.   
  
"I'm putting you in a care home when you're  older" he says seriously. "Anyway, what about you? any broken bones?"  
  
"no" Lexa says simply shaking her head with nothing interesting to say causing Clarke to face her for a moment watching her silently.  
  
"That's not entirely true" Clarke say softly encouraging Lexa to tell the story.  
  
"She was in a car accident" Anya says for her making Clarke roll her eyes.  
  
"A Car accident?" Aden questioned more confused eyeing Lexa carefully for any obvious injuries.  
  
"Yeah. Nothing major" Lexa confirms.  
  
"That's also a lie" Clarke smiles softly at her girlfriend before turning to Aden. "If she won't tell you I will" Clarke says proudly. "it was a few months ago now, but Lexa and my dad were involved in a car accident. My dad severed a main artery at the top of his thigh which could have killed him. Lexa however took control of the situation, made sure he didn't move or remove anything that had pierced through his leg because she could see the blood already flowing out heavily. She was the one who kept him awake and called the ambulance all while having a concussion and a 2 inch piece of glass piercing her stomach" Clarke says turning to face the woman she loves. "She will deny all of this of course" She smirks squeezing Lexa's hand.  
  
"True story" Jake says proudly as he enters the room.

"So You're like a superhero" Aden says proudly. "Can I see your scar?" he questioned causing Clarke to turn her attention back to him, Lexa hated her scar and was always a little self-conscious of it no matter how much Clarke showered it with attention.  
  
"urh- "Lexa hesitated turning her attention to Clarke and Anya for a moment before back to Aden's excited face. "Ok" she says nervously before beginning to raise her top enough to see the 2 inch scar across her stomach.  
  
"Wow" Aden says amazed. "That's awesome"  
  
"I think so too" Clarke says honestly reaching out her finger tips to trace the tiny scar for reassurance. "Beautiful" Clarke confessed catching green eyes with her own feeling her chest tighten with pride.  
  
"Here you go" Anya says handing Aden a bag.  
  
"What's this?" he questioned confused.  
  
"A sick bag, you need it being around these two" she gags causing Aden to laugh.  
  
\----

"Trust me" Clarke laughed guiding Lexa in to the vehicle carefully. "Mind your head"  
  
"Do I really need to be blindfolded?" Lexa questioned through another smile.  
  
"Yes" Clarke say shutting the door before jumping in the opposite side seconds later.  
  
"Where are we going?" Lexa questioned seeing nothing but darkness.  
  
"Really? what would be the point in the blindfold if I just told you?" Clarke questioned grinning at her dorky girlfriend.  
  
"Oh yeah" Lexa grinned feeling the ache in her jaw that seemed to have remained there all day. "Fine" she huffed playfully reaching her hand out for Clarke to take which she did pressing a kiss to her knuckles.  
  
"Just relax" Clarke instructs. "It won't take long"  
  
"ok"

As the engine started and Clarke started to drive Lexa still was unable to stop the smile aching her jaw. It wasn't because anything was particularly happening right now, but from the events that had happened through out the whole day. She hadn't been able to take a moment to think about the little things, like the faces of her family as she was greeted with yet another surprise, sure that her heart would combust any moment. There were no words in the English dictionary to describe how Lexa felt but for once in her entire life she was sure this is exactly what it feels like to have a family that love and care for you, who are willing to do anything just to see you happy. She thought everything about her life was edging in to the darkness and that's where it would forever remain, in the shadows of everyone else as days passed and time ticked but somehow the Griffins changed that. They simply just turned on the light.  
  
"We're here" Clarke says excitedly before stepping out the car.  
  
"Clarke" Lexa says a little more alarmed until her door opens.  
  
"Relax" Clarke laughs "I won't leave you" she explains guiding Lexa out the car carefully. "Ok stay there" Clarke instructs while Lexa obeys, not like she has a choice.  
  
"What's that?" Lexa questions hearing Clicking noises and a bunch of other noises she cant make out. "What are you doing?" Lexa questions again after no reply. "Clarke?"  
  
"I'm here" Clarke says a little out of breath "Just putting things back in place" Clarke admits taking Lexa's hand in her own to guide her further down the path. "So this is from me entirely" Clarke confesses. "I know how much you love the stars" She whispers removing the blind until Lexa could see once more.  
  
"What's this?" Lexa questioned softly eyeing the Volkswagen van with the doors wide open from behind. It was a open spaced van with comforters plastered all around the floor with fairy lights decorating the roof from the inside. It looked beautiful. "Clarke" Lexa says turning to the smiling blonde a little overwhelmed for the hundredth time.  
  
"I know its different" Clarke says softly looking in to the comfy decorated van "Look" Clarke says pulling Lexa inside with her to nestle in the blankets and pillows together. "It's a open roof to so you can see the stars from inside" She says lovingly. "I wanted it just to be me and you" she admits placing her hand on Lexa's cheek.  
  
"I love it" Lexa blurted out already leaning forward to rest her forehead on Clarkes.  
  
"Yeah?" Clarke says unsure.  
  
"It's beautiful" Lexa admits unable to not take another look at the dim fairy lights around them. "You're beautiful" Lexa whispered leaning painfully close to Clarke's lips. The way Clarke's fingers curled in Lexa's hair keeping her teasingly close. "I love you" Lexa confesses her hand coming around Clarke's neck feeling the unsteady breaths leaving one another lips.  
  
"I love you" Clarke echoes her eyes all but struggling to keep focused on green eyes with Lexa's lips so close. "Did you save a little love for me?" Clarke whispers with shaky breaths as Lexa inches even closer her eyes already fixated on Clarke's lips.  
  
"Always" Lexa hums her eyes falling shut as she finally connects their lips. No matter how many times she kisses Clarke no experience will ever explain how it truly feels. It was like everything became brighter, lighter and much more exciting as time froze just for the two of them. A moment of pure bliss while her stomach dropped and her fingers tingled every time as if this was nothing more than a dream. Clarke's soft cute moans always brought her back though and Lexa could all but smile while kissing her more eagerly earning her a nip to her bottom lip.  
  
"What are you smiling about?" Clarke whispered before capturing Lexa's lips cheekily once more.  
  
"You" Lexa mumbled between kisses before pulling away to rest her forehead against Clarke's. "Always you" She confessed her eyes drifting to Clarke's smile, the one where she looked her most cutest as she bit her bottom lip to supress it. Then everything faded away as everything was Clarke and Lexa. As their lips connected once more their bodies moulded together as Lexa pulled Clarke down on top of her. It was inevitable. The way they kissed and held one another as they stripped each other carefully of their clothes, the way the moans echoed the woods with every thrust, stroke and kiss. The way they whispered I love you as they inhaled one another's sweet scent while rolling around the blankets getting more tangled together while committing every inch of skin to memory over and over again.  
  
\--  
  
God she was beautiful. Clarke was finding it impossible to tear her eyes away as Lexa smiled shyly completely exhausted while hiding her face behind her hand.  
  
"Don't do that" Clarke ordered smiling as she entangling her hand with Lexa's stopping her from blocking Lexa's after sex look. "How did I get so lucky huh?" she questions crawling over Lexa till she was hovering above her.  
  
"I look a mess" Lexa stated with the widest of grins as Clarke began trailing kisses along her collar bone lovingly.  
  
"Sex hair, sweaty and with a smile that says you just got it so good. I wouldn't call that a mess" Clarke says smugly nipping on tanned skin which had Lexa rolling her eyes playfully. "What do you think it says?" Clarke teases finally lifting her gaze to meet Lexa's while trailing her hand down her neck across her breast and to her hip.  
  
"Hm. if you keep that up we might have to go again" Lexa moaned her eyes already closed from Clarke's finger tips.  
  
"I wouldn't say no to that" Clarke smirked nipping Lexa's bottom lip teasingly. "but you look almost unconscious from exhaustion and that would mean you won't get to read the letter I wrote you" Clarke grinned moving her body carefully beside Lexa's not wasting anytime pulling her close.  
  
"A letter?" Lexa questioned brows furrowing  
  
"A letter." Clarke repeats turning and ruffling things around until she turns back around with the letter in hand. "I wasn't sure what to get you, so I thought about the present you gave me on Christmas. When you read your journal and gave me a insight of how you felt, so I thought I could do the same" Clarke grinned handing over the closed envelope as Lexa sat ur right clutching the fur blanket across her chest.  
  
"You're full of surprises today" Lexa said nervously taking the letter and reading 'To the woman who drives me crazy'  
  
"It's not as well written as yours so go easy on me" Clarke admitted while remaining laid down to trace Lexa's bare back. "Read it out"  
  
"Ok" Lexa said while already removing the piece of paper from its envelope. "Lexa.."

_Lexa..  
  
Let me just start this of with saying Happy Birthday beautiful. This is your final gift from me to you I promise. I know how much you hate  
surprises but hopefully after today you kind of love mine ;)   
You allowed me to read a piece of your heart once, to see your vulnerability and show me that everything I felt wasn't just one sided, it was by far one of   
the greatest gifts I ever received therefore I write you a piece of my own.   
I would love to say it was love at first sight I really would but what kind of love story would that be huh?  
Honestly when I first met you I thought you were so weird and quiet. That sounds mean doesn't it?  
Well I suppose it was, I judged you before you had chance to show me who you were,  
I judged you because I was being childish about sharing a room and I was for some reason not myself. Yet in some weird way, I think it makes our   
story even greater, because judging you didn't defy who you were, it defied me.  
I remember thinking that when I came home from school after your first day, your eyes were bruised and your nose busted.  
I remember taking one look at you and instantly feeling the urge to protect, if that meant killing murphy then so be it, I think that was one of the first signs  
even if I didn't really know it myself. Other than thinking you were insanely beautiful from the moment I saw you of course.  
_

_wow this is kind of surreal how many things are rushing to me right now, I'm not even sure what to write next but anyway.  
  
Your panic attack at school for me was another clue which regrettably I was to slow to realise. Thinking about it now is ridiculous, but when I first  
saw you in the hallway with Costia you were holding her hand and I just remember looking at it for a moment wondering why the hell were you doing that!?   
I think apart of me was slightly jealous, it was the reason I followed you in to the bathroom instead of her, and I'm so glad I did.   
You were all panicky and just undeniably cute and beautiful, you clung on to every word I spoke and I got to see those beautiful green eyes, and my god were they beautiful.  
I don't know if you realised it but I lost myself for a moment just looking at you.  
  
Ok with this one I was slightly sly and cheeky but I'm not even ashamed to say it, but remember when we watched our first movie on my bed?   
Yeah, well about that you could have totally watched it from your own bed completely fine, I just wanted you close. I know, I know I'm creepy, but  
totally don't regret a thing, I spent majority of that movie watching you jump before i embarrassingly fell asleep.   
If I remember correctly ,if we wasn't so rudely interrupted by my mother who I still curse to this day for this we would have kissed.  
Well judging by your journal anyway you thought so to.  
I'm glad we didn't though because I've never really told you about my reaction to our first kiss as you ran of so quickly but all will be revealed in good time.  
  
I remember having my first insanely jealous moment with you, which you were annoyingly oblivious to. It was Costia's party,  
you were dressed in those sexy leather pants with your stomach on view and I instantly became a pervert, watching every step you took while eyeing you head to toe.  
God just thinking about it, you have no idea how beautiful you truly are Lex.   
I avoided you that night for as long as I could, mainly because I really couldn't stop thinking about you, and it scared me so much that  
despite avoiding you my eyes kept finding you, I was unable to focus on conversations and I really, really wanted to rip Costia's hair from her skull if she   
touched you one more time. I was convinced you were dating, but then we had our dance and I though ok maybe your not. Then everything became so messy,  
I really didn't want to stop dancing with you, infact you made my skin heat up within seconds and I went a little fuzzy and I didn't even care that I had a  
boyfriend. Everything was just you, you, you. That night was the first time where I honestly thought, holy shit.   
It was the real reason I disappeared to the bathroom when you played seven minutes in heaven, god I'm so glad you didn't kiss properly btw!  
  
From that night I knew there was something there, and I started questioning my sexuality. I stopped thinking about Fin and as horrible as it sounds I kind of forgot about him.  
Instead I thought about your lips, your eyes, what you felt like against me, how it would feel to kiss you, there was just so many things that  
scared the shit out of me because I had never felt like I wanted to be that close with anyone, or even felt dizzy at the thought. It was strange and scary but god was it so addictive and I hadn't even had a taste yet.  
  
This for me is the moment you had me completely and I knew it the second I followed you upstairs. Our first kiss.   
You don't know this because you rudely ran away ;) But  I didn't come after you because I regret it. When we kissed Lexa I felt everything in my body go weak,  
and I'm not just saying that, it started in my chest and it felt so heavy but incredible, like I couldn't breathe or something. I just remember your lips on mine, and everything went  
so fuzzy like a out of body experience because I couldn't even think anymore. God its so hard to explain and this probably makes no sense at all.  
But I didn't put my hand on your chest because I wanted to stop kissing you, I did that because I felt my body collapsing in to you, it was to stabilise me because  
I didn't quite believe it was happening. I had never felt anything like it, you left me shocked and speechless and I just couldn't move. But I want you to know even if you know it now that I Wanted you so much more, its why I followed you home.  
  
I could go on and on, but by this stage I was falling in love with you. How could I not?   
I Think when we went camping proved that when Roan's greasy hands was trying to get all over you. I could have killed him. I was so in love with you that trip that I didn't even know it, I was just drinking and drinking because we had made out so much shared a bed every night to sharing different parts of the tent with other people and Costia was just  
still as obvious as ever with Roan now also trying to get in your pants, then we hadn't confirmed we were anything...urgh it was stressful times.  
I will embarrassingly admit though that when you followed me down to the lake and we finally agreed we were dating and then we kisses and kissed.. I kind of got back to the tent laid on the ground and had a killer happy dance. I was absolutely buzzing.  
  
You make me a huge dork. But Lexa woods, I swear to you now.  
I have never been more in love in my life.  
Now give me a kiss, I've been waiting this whole time. _

_xx_

_  
_ "this whole time" Lexa finished her smile now wide as she traced the kisses at the end of the page. It was a letter that made her heart warm in a way Clarke only could and despite only just finishing it she already wanted to reread it and live in the memory once more, like Clarke said  herself their memories made it special, how it went from not wanting to know one another to unable to be apart. Putting the letter to one side Clarke sat up with a smile to her lips.  
  
"You ok?" Clarke questioned placing a kiss to Lexa's nose already knowing she was perfectly fine.  
  
"Yes" Lexa admitted her eyes finally looking up to look in to blue. "Come" Lexa encouraged guiding one of Clarke's thighs over her lap until Clarke was straddling her. As Lexa rest her forehead against Clarke's her girlfriend snaked her arms around her neck. "I love you" Lexa confessed in a whisper and she meant it whole heartedly. "You were that jealous of Costia?" Lexa questioned her happiness unable to hide itself as it appeared widely on her lips.  
  
"You have no idea" Clarke laughed still tracing every inch of beauty infront of her. "I won in the end" Clarke smirked proudly gripping Lexa that little bit tighter.  
  
"There was never any competition" Lexa admitted her finger tips sliding down Clarkes jaw while her eyes were unable to stop drifting to those screaming lips. One of the things she loved about Clarke was how she had slowly learnt her facial expressions, the different between her soft eyes and hard eyes, how when she knew she was thinking and completely lost in her own mind, but the ultimate best was recognising the way Clarke only looked at her exactly how she was right now. Her eyes blue and soft with a smile that was barely their with the smallest of tilt in each corner. It was the look of pure happiness while losing herself at the exact same time.  
  
"Do I get that kiss?" Clarke questioned her voice more huskier than only moments ago. "Or are you going to keep me waiting?"  
  
Lexa barely had time to laugh at Clarke's cheekiness before she pressed her lips to her girlfriends unable to hide that it was all she had been wanting to do from the moment she finished the letter. The kiss was slow but sensual as Clarke's naked body pressed tighter against Lexa's while Lexa's fingers curled around the back of Clarke's neck, like she was begging desperately for more to settle the burning fire in her lower stomach, she ignored her heavy breaths for air as Clarke's fingers dug deeper in to her mane gripping it just the way she liked it. Only moments ago she was ready to settle down and fall asleep, ready to allow her body to give in to its exhausted state Clarke had pushed her to but from one kiss, her fingers tingled, her body burned and the flame within was alight once more.  
  
"Baby" Clarke moaned parting the kiss as Lexa's fingers trailed down Clarke's body to her wet centre. "You're tired" Clarke tried to reason but failing as her eyes fell shut as Lexa's tounge circled repeatedly over Clarke's pulse point before leaving her mark.  
  
"I want you" Lexa hummed gripping Clarke's hip to stay exactly where she was with her thighs spread either side of Lexa. "Please" she whispered biting down on Clarke's bottom lip with heavy eyes and unsteady breaths.  
  
"I'm yours" Clarke whispers capturing Lexa's lips once more in a needy kiss that sends shivers down Lexa's spine until she starts circling Clarke's clit teasingly. She didn't need to built Clarke up, their was no reason for teasing or foreplay but Lexa loved this part most, the way her fingers teased Clarke's clit until she was almost begging for more with every thrust closer to Lexa for more, the way her head tilts back as she sucks on her nipple, the way Clarke's body creates its own rhythm against Lexa despite not being inside her. Nothing could explain the way Clarke became before sex, especially when Lexa was in control.  
  
"Ready?" Lexa questioned softly kissing Clarke's lips once more still struggling to take her eyes of Clarke's desperate state.  
  
"Yeah" Clarke moans already feeling the tip of Lexa's fingers pass her entrance. Lexa watches her fingers disappear inside the woman she loves, her mouth drying up instantly as Clarke seems to sink them in deeper as she lets her weight come down.  
  
"Fuck" Lexa hums licking her lips before gripping Clarke's hair tighter with her other hand and smashing their lips together while beginning to withdraw her fingers back out to thrust them back inside.  
  
"Lex" Clarke whimpers both hands coming to tangle in Lexa's hair with more grip than before as her eyes fall shut and her mouth drops open. Lexa's not sure what's more sexy right now, the way Clarke's face crumbles apart or the way Clarke's body seems to be matching Lexa's rhythm as she rises and falls harder on Lexa's fingers. "God" she breathes her head falling forward to rest on Lexa's as Lexa thrust faster and harder. Lexa tries, she really tries to take all it in, the way her eyes clamp up till her forehead crinkles up from such intensity, the way Clarke cant seem to let her body separate from Lexa's for even a fraction as even their breaths are mingling together.  
  
"I'm yours" Lexa says softly curling her fingers at the exact moment, knowing exactly how much Clarke loves it when she speaks.  
  
"Mine" Clarke moans before letting out another desperate moan biting on her bottom lip to supress it.  
  
"Don't do that" Lexa orders taking Clarke's bottom lip in her own instead with a naughty nipple. "I Want to hear you" She confessed trailing kisses down Clarke's neck before thrusting in and curling her fingers once more.  
  
"oh god" Clarke moans her hands not sure where to grip any more as her body becomes more desperate for her release, she sinks her body harder and faster in to Lexa's hand creating her own rhythm that only turned Lexa on with a adoring smile.  
  
"You're so close" Lexa says nibbling on Clarke's ear. "I can feel it"  
  
As Lexa curled her fingers once more, like Lexa predicted Clarke came hard, her mouth wide, eyes clamped shut and earth shattering moans filled the silent night skies. She kissed and nipped along Clarke's body helping to coax her down from her high before slowly removing her fingers.  
  
"I Love you like that" Lexa grinned feeling Clarke's body become floppy against her own until she laughed at Lexa's words.  
  
"I love it when you do that to me" Clarke grinned planting a sloppy kiss to Lexa's lips before pushing her back down to the cushions. "where did that come from?" she grinned rolling to her side to lay beside Lexa.  
  
"It was the letter" Lexa smirked.  
  
"You are totally getting more from now on" Clarke smirked pulling Lexa in to her side.  
  
Clarke wasn't sure how much time had passed, how long they had been looking in to the night skies where the mystery of the stars lay, while tracing absentminded patterns on one another. It was a beautiful night, not that they had paid much attention like she had intended but she couldn't help but love the turn of events even more. Every day and every night she seemed to fall in love harder with the girl in her arms, and instead of fearing their future together she felt excited for their next chapter. She didn't care that they would part ways in less than six weeks because she knew that Lexa loves her.   
  
"Lex"

"Hm" Lexa hummed already letting her eyes close while letting her hand drop heavily in Clarke's hair to hold. The stars were not nearly as beautiful as Lexa, so Clarke struggled to tare her eyes away as her heart fluttered in her chest with the widest of grins. The intensity of it was endearing.   
  
"I love you" Clarke whispered kissing her shoulder as Lexa let out a puff of air  
  
"Luv you" Lexa muttered to exhausted to speak while already half asleep. Clarke's heart melted a little more as her smile grew still tracing patterns along Lexa's bare arm.  
  
"Did you enjoy your birthday?" Clarke whispered nuzzling her nose against her shoulder.  
  
"Hmm" she hummed getting no more as she buried further in to Clarke making Clarke giggle.  
  
"Lex" Clarke whispered patiently waiting on a response, when one didn't come she raised her hand to trace Lexa's jaw before placing a tender kiss to the corner. "You don't know this yet but one day, I'm going to marry you" Clarke admitted more sure of anything in her life as she rest her head back on the pillow feeling Lexa's body snuggle even closer.  
It will always be Clarke and Lexa.  
  
\---  
  
"What did you do this time?" Anya asked with a smirk after watching Raven and Clarke disappear to the ladies.  
  
"How did you know I did something wrong?" Lexa questioned while bashfully staring at her girlfriends arse.

"Please she's giving you the eyes. The annoyed ones" Anya grins placing her elbows on the table. "So what did you do?"

  
"Agree to this double date" Lexa admitted. "Worst idea  I've ever had apparently" Lexa adds turning to a laughing Anya who sat at the opposite side of the table.  
  
"Separate beds for you tonight then?" Anya questioned brow raised playfully.  
  
"We never sleep separate" Lexa says furrowing her brows at the thought. "She just wanted to spend out last night relaxing at home instead of going out" Lexa says diverting her attention on stage. It was a young blonde girl singing nervously to the audience. "Where are we by the way?"  
  
"Oh here, just a old open mic place people come to try and get noticed" Anya says shrugging her shoulders. "You just go up, say your name and if there's a slot you go up there" Anya says looking at the blonde on stage aswel. She seemed good, but extremely nervous which unfortunately showed through her voice. "It's a lovely place. Nothing like karaoke. You sit and eat, get candles on your table and people just listen. Real good here" Anya says taking a swig from her straw. "anyway back to Clarke, do what I do"  
  
"Do I want to know what you do?"  
  
"It works.When you go home tonight tighten all your jar lids, that way she will have to speak to you" Anya says like its genius. "I've done it to Raven"  
  
"You fell out already?" Lexa questioned with a laugh. "Haven't you just started?"  
  
"Apparently I do a lot of things wrong"  
  
"so you tighten her jar lids?"  
  
"Correct" Anya says proudly while Lexa could all but stare at her with amusement.  
  
"and that really works?"  
  
"Sure does, someone has to open it right"  
  
"I think ill be ok on my own" Lexa says while hiding her smile behind her glass.  
  
"What are you smiling about?" Clarke questions taking a seat.  
  
"oh nothing" Lexa says taking a swig of her drink while eyeing her girlfriends amazing figure in her cute red dress.  
  
"Eyes up here" Clarke says playfully with warning eyes "You ain't getting none tonight" she whispered with a smirk. Of course this only made Lexa smile wider and breathe a breath of relief at Clarke's playful tone instead of serious.  
  
"Heard you're in a mood" Anya says turning to look at Clarke as she slinks her arm around the back of the chair.  
  
"Anyone ever told you, you're really nosey" Raven questioned placing her hand on Anya's thigh.  
  
"Everyday. I Don't get this intelligent for nothing" Anya quips. "What's up with moody Margaret now?"  
  
"I'm not a moody Margaret" Clarke says defensively.  
  
"Really? I feel like that expression it already tattooed to your face, that's how moody you are"  
  
"You bring it out in me"  
  
"It was there before I even got here actually" Anya says smugly. "I have make up with me if you wish to cover that" Anya says pointing wearily to Clarke's face a little dramatic.  
  
"Oh really, well that's lucky I have a fist with me if you want me to punch that" Clarke snaps holding her hand up with her own amusement.  
  
"Are they like this every time there together" Raven questioned looking to the two Griffins having a snarling match.  
  
"Since I've met them" Lexa says still half amused at how they managed to keep it up every time. "you get use to it" Lexa says casually while watching her girlfriend wind her middle finger up like she had caught a big one. "eventually" Lexa admits not sure if you could ever get use to someone changing so quickly and dramatically. Clarke was always mature responsible and occasionally childish to have some fun, but when ever Anya was around everything went out the window and its like you was watching two brothers and sisters annoying one another as long as their parents allowed them too. Lexa loved watching it more than she was willing to admit, mainly because half the time Clarke lost which pissed her of on a whole other level.  
  
"BA! BA!  SHUSH!  I like this one" Anya interrupts what ever Clarke was mid arguing to listen to a new girl walking on stage.  
  
"See this is why I didn't want to come" Clarke huffs slinking back in her chair. "She winds me up all the time"  
  
"You do it back" Lexa laughs.  
  
"don't side with her" Clarke huffs crossing her arms "You defiantly ain't getting none"  
  
"Heard you ain't that good anyway" Anya chips in shooting her last arrow with a shit eating smile.  
  
"Hell I'm going home" Clarke huffs standing to her feet quickly.  
  
"No" Lexa says softly taking Clarke's hand in her own. "Please don't" She says already fiddling with Clarke's fingers. She knew Clarke didn't want to come because Anya would do nothing but annoy and embarrass her, she knew she wanted nothing more than to stay at home cuddled up in bed ready for their early morning flight tomorrow, but Lexa found herself stuck in a corner when Anya had asked for a double date so excitedly because all she really wanted to do was say goodbye before they went of travelling. "Can we just sit down" Lexa says softly already guiding Clarke to sit back down and calm down. "She's only messing. You do it all the time"  
  
"You have a lot of making up to do" Clarke softens leaning closer to kiss her girlfriends lips. "ignore me, I'm just a little tired today" Clarke admits squeezing Lexa's hand.  
  
"anything I can do to make it better?" Lexa questioned green eyes scanning blue.  
  
"You could always sing" Clarke says cheekily with a smile before pecking Lexa's lips. "You know how much I love that voice"  
  
"I can't.. no.. I can't" Lexa stutters looking up nervously to the stage.   
  
"Relax" Clarke say softly. "I'm kidding. I would never want you to feel uncomfortable, its just unfortunate is all" Clarke admits kissing Lexa's lips once more.   
  
  
After that they had a nice night Clarke and Anya got back to talking like adults, while Raven and Lexa got to know each other a little more. It was what a double date should be with laughter and jokes to just listening to unique voices echoing through the speakers as they ate. Anya was right, this place was nice and fancy and the candles on the table that lit the rooms seemed to be setting the atmosphere perfect.  
  
"I've not heard this song before" Clarke says turning to face her table before turning back to a young man playing the piano.  
  
"I think its original" Raven adds.  
  
"They can do that?" Clarke questions "Sing there own songs"  
  
"Yeah, best way to be noticed I suppose" Anya shrugs squinting her eyes on the lad on stage. "He's good"  
  
"Really good" Lexa adds. His voice had a light husk which complimented his song.  
  
"Do you write your own?" Anya asks out the blue turning to Lexa.  
  
"Me?" she questions wide eyed.  
  
"No the chair" Anya says rolling her eyes. "Yes you, who else"  
  
"Oh. No. I mean yes" Lexa correct "Sometimes"  
  
"Why don't you have a go?" Anya questions. "Up there"   
  
"I cant" Lexa says snaking her head nervously her eyes darting to Clarke for help. "I get stage fright"  
  
"I get that" Anya says softly "but when's the last time you tried?"   
  
"along time ago" Lexa admits still shaking her head. She couldn't do that.  
  
"You sing to Clarke fine" Anya say softly trying to be understanding but not understanding it at all.   
  
"She knows my voice" Lexa says with no other answer "She makes me feel like I can"  
  
"Leave her alone Anya" Clarke says softly taking Lexa's hand "You don't have to do anything"  
  
"I'm just saying, Clarke's here. She would love to hear you sing, and Raven and I" Anya says turning her focus back to the singer before looking back. "No one here is saying you can't." she smiles softly taking a gulp of her drink before joining in with the cheers of praise for the young musician.   
  
Everyone stood to clap such talent while Lexa barely put her hands together as Anya's words slowly sank it. She hated to say it but Anya was right on some weird level, everyone here was either here to sing or listen to singers with no judgement, it was just a calm relaxed nice meant to be enjoyed. For as long as she could remember she hadn't sang infront of anyone since Clarke, and even now she wasn't sure why she choose to do that, maybe it was because she already caught her once, she didn't know. Even then she knew she trusted the blonde to not knock her down like she had been her whole life, maybe that was the reason she sang so openly when ever Clarke requested. Until now.  
She looked dauntingly at the stage, it seemed small with only a few instruments here and there, empty and ready for possibly the next biggest thing. Yet Clarke had asked as playfully as it was she knew her voice always made Clarke smile in away nothing else could.  
"I'm just going toilet" Lexa said abruptly leaving the table before anyone could say anything.  
  
"Anya" Clarke snapped.  
  
"What?" Anya shrugged "I didn't do anything this time it was just advice"  
  
"Well don't" Clarke breathed "if she never wants to sing around anyone, then she doesn't have to"  
  
"I understand that" Anya admits. "I just want her to feel less afraid, she's not alone anymore Clarke. That's her real fear, not the actual singing, because if she thought that she wouldn't sing to you"  
  
"Anya has a point" Raven says softly twitching her lip. "makes sense to be scared of everyone judging you when its all you have had"  
  
"I know" Clarke says sadly. God she would do anything to remove Lexa's self doubt that's been planted by every worthless person. "I just don't want any pressure for her to do anything from any of us"  
  
"won't say another word" Anya says apologetically.  
  
"Thank you. Do you think i should check on her?"  
  
"No, she will be fine. Stop worrying"  
  
"So are you nervous about starting college?" Anya questioned.  
  
"Not really. Excited more than anything"  
  
"What about you and Lexa? aren't you worried"  
  
"No" Clarke smiles. "She's it for me"  
  
"but is she it for you?" Raven questions  
  
"I think so" Clarke says confidently. "it's completely different to anything ive ever felt before."  
  
"I'm Proud of you" Anya says after a moment "Even if i don't say it very often"  
  
"Thanks Anya" Clarke smiles her eyes drifting down before up again.  
  
"Cheers" Anya says holding her glass up for Clarke to clink as Clarke reaches her glass across the table Anya jolts out of her seat with wide eyes whacking Clarke's arm repeatedly. "OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD"  
  
"Anya!" Clarke snaps looking down to the spilt drink on her top "Stop hitting me" she snaps  
  
"Clarke!" Anya all but yells eyes still wide while unable to move other than to keep hitting Clarke.  
  
"What?" Clarke says confused  
  
"Lexa" Raven finishes pointing to the stage.  
  
"What?" Clarke says confused turning to face that direction anyway only to freeze completely.  
  
"Oh my god" Clarke breathes feeling her lungs ready to combust as she watches Lexa sit at a piano with her eyes closed. "Oh my god" she repeats not sure what else to say. She couldn't tare her eyes away, she didn't even want to blink scared she will miss the slightest movement.  
  
"Whats she doing?" Raven questioned  
  
"Is she going to sing?" Anya questioned much like Clarke unable to look away.  
  
"She looks so nervous" Raven added.

 

 _'When you try your best but you don't succeed  
when you get what you want but not what you need  
when you feel so tired but you cant sleep  
stuck in reverse  
And the tears come streaming down your face,  
when you lose something you cant replace.  
_ when you love someone but it goes to waste.  
Could it be worse?'

"Oh my god" Anya breathes her eyes still wide as her smile grows. "She plays piano. Why haven't you told me that?"  
  
"I didn't know" Clarke breathes her eyes watering as her heart tightens with so much intensity she feels ready to melt, burst or combust from how much pride she felt in this very moment. Goose bumps covered her body and in someway she hoped and willed her Lexa to open her eyes so she could show her exactly how she felt, that there was no need to be nervous. Lexa never opened her eyes though and Clarke's pride only kept going as she played the piano with more ease than a guitar. It was the silence in the entire room that sent shivers down her spine, how everyone watched on with smiles and she knew everyone was as equally amazed as her.  
  
"Are you recording this?" Anya questioned turning to Raven.  
  
"Hell yeah" Raven said like it was obvious. But Clarke was still lost. Lost in whatever Lexa was doing to her, her heart swelling and her tears trickling down her cheek but her smile forever growing.  
  
"this is a original" Anya adds proudly.  
  
"guys" Clarke said through a grin. "Shut up" She pleaded softly not wanting to miss a single word or key Lexa had to offer in her moment of bravery.

_Lights will guide you home.  
And ignite your bones,  
and i will try to fix you.  
high above or down below  
when you're to in love to let it go,  
but if you never try you'll never know  
just what you're worth.  
Lights will guide you home  
_

_The room was deathly silent, other than the sound of Lexa playing the piano as she picked up the tempo. Her fingers mover move smoothly over the keys than Clarke had ever seen her do with her guitar. She didn't even know she could play the piano. As Lexa hit the keys more aggressively and passionately Clarke took the moment to look around, to look at everyone still and silent exactly like her and her heart grew once more. How could a beautiful big voice come from someone who was always so quiet and shy.  
_

_'Tears stream down your face,  
when you lose something you can not replace.  
tears stream down your face and i..i...  
tears stream down your face  
i promise  you i will learn from my mistakes,  
tears stream down your face and i..i...  
lights will guide you home.  
and ignite your bones  
and i will try to fix you._

As Lexa brought the song to a end, the room feel completely silent until everyone stood from their seat with a loud round of applauce and whistles of approval. Clarke watched on, she watched her girlfriend return to the woman she fell in love with as her fingers immediately started fiddling with themselves while her cheeks blushed pink ducking her head in embarrassment. God if she could move she would dive on stage and wrap her arms around her and kiss every inch, but that's the problem isn't it? Clarke still was frozen to the stop despite her tears and her forever growing smile, she couldn't move. She just watched Lexa have her moment of praise, of congratulation as tears seemed to be falling down her cheek more quickly than the last.  
  
"Hi" Lexa says softly furrowing her brows as she approaches the blonde before a shy smile appeared once more.  
  
"Lex" Clarke tried but words were lost, god they were so lost. She needed to say something anything but all she managed to do was look in to green eyes and blushing cheeks. Without a second thought her lips crashed urgently in to Lexas. Like clock work her body kicked in and her arms were wrapped around Lexa's neck drawing her closer in second.  "You play piano" Clarke blurted out between kisses not sure if she believes it herself yet but not ready to part lips. Only when Lexa shyly laughed through their kiss did their lips part.  
  
"That was amazing" Clarke breathed after a moment of staring at her girlfriend lovingly.  
  
"You liked it?" Lexa questioned wiping a tear falling from Clarke's cheek. Clarke wanted to laugh, she really did. Liked it wasn't the word she would use, but she didn't think she needed to tell Lexa that, she knew exactly what she thought by the tears that had shed.  
  
"God i love you" Clarke breathed resting her forehead on Lexa's closing her eyes. "i love you so, so much" she whispered.  
  
"I love you two" Lexa hummed breathing Clarke in. "it made you smile" Lexa acknowledged which made Clarke laugh anyway.  
  
"It did" Clarke grinned "Please can we go home, so you can sing that song to me again" Clarke pleaded already gripping Lexa's collar just to keep Lexa close.  
  
"Yeah" Lexa whispered with a wide smile.  
  
  
They woke up late the following morning and almost missed their flights to rushed to check their phones and to excited to care. Three whole weeks with just one another sounded a little like heaven to both of them and so they turned their phones of the moment they reached the airport, missing the hundreds of texts from Anya about the millions of views Lexa had got from her open mic night recording that Raven had uploaded without permission.

 

**The End.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here it is your final chapter, I hope you enjoy it as much as I have enjoyed writing it!  
> Sorry It took so long to be updated but I decided to go back and correct all my previous chapters before posting this as when I read a few chapters it really annoyed me with all the errors so well done to all the people that made it this far without wanting to kill me. There are probably still errors but none that make it impossible to read, maybe just punctuality, never been good at that. Anyway back on topic, final chapter! 
> 
> Been a awesome journey, with some awesome comments I thank you all massively! They have all been equally as interesting to read and honestly they kept me writing the story or it wouldn't have been as long. It's surprising how a simple comment can make such a difference so remember that!<3 Kudos to you all!


	36. SEQUAL/college

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adding it on to this story as on its own its abit of a flop so won't write any more chapters other than the tree I've done :D

**Lost and Insecure!**   
** Part II  
  
College part1  
**

 

"Click that one more time, I swear I might actually shove it at your arse" Raven huffs turning in bed to face the wall before hastily pulling the quilt over her eyes.  
  
"Sorry Ray" Clarke says while checking her phone one final time before shoving it under her pillow. It was just passed midnight and Clarke had been tossing and turning since she placed her head on the pillow and switched of the lights. It wasn't the first time it had happened, and she was sure it wouldn't be the last either as college life had taken a dramatic turn in this second year. The work load had doubled which resulted in Clarke not having much time for much else and to make matters worse Lexa was working harder than Clarke and Raven combined due to the video Raven had put on social media over a year ago. Since Lexa sang in that open mic bar, Lexa's life seemed to turn in to a unexpected beautiful storm, millions of people watched and shared the clip until it was literally everywhere. Now, Lexa has a manager with high hopes and much greater plans which is one of the reasons Lexa is working harder than everyone. Not only is she having to keep up with her studies, her manager manages to get her to be the opening act for a already well known artist. Yet today Clarke is anxious, extremely anxious. Not only has Lexa not called yet, but tonight was the first performance Clarke had missed due to a exam in the morning and having to be up extra early. She couldn't help but check her phone again.  
  
"Right that's it" Raven huffs turning in the darkened room to face her annoying best friend. "What the hells wrong?"  
  
"Nothing's wrong" Clarke says a little startled despite knowing she really should have expected it. Raven was the grouches sleeper she had ever met, well other than Anya. Raven and Anya were a great match when she really thought about it, she could only imagine what it would be like if one woke the other in the morning, resulting in them telling each other to fuck of with a shove and a grunt until Raven would get in a bigger mood which would result in Anya tightening Ravens Jars until she speaks with her again.  
  
"Nothing's wrong" Raven snaps. "Nothing's wrong" she repeats with more annoyance. "Clarke you haven't stopped tapping at that stupid key on that stupid phone, until that stupid light lights up this whole stupid room" Ravens says a tad more dramatic than necessary. It not like the button makes a noise. "So if I were you, I would start talking before I seriously do shove that phone at your arse, and I'm not sure you would want it lit up in there"  
  
"That's a lot of stupids"  
  
"Clarke!"  
  
"Ok, ok" Clarke says with wide eyes while already moving to sit up against her headboard. "It's Lexa" Clarke says looking to the phone in her hand.  
  
"What about her?"  
  
"She hasn't called yet and I'm abit worried" Clarke half lies.  
  
"I'm sure she's fine. She's a big girl"  
  
"I know" Clarke says twitching her lip to the side as she clicks her phone to life once again.  
  
"Spill. What's really wrong?" Raven says with a knowing look.  
  
"I haven't seen her in two weeks" Clarke says more quietly. "I feel like we just, there's not enough time in the day. She's working so hard, I know that and I'm so proud, but I'm just.." Clarke hesitates feeling silly for saying it.  
  
"Scared?" Raven questions more softly.  
  
"It's stupid I know" Clarke says with a huff dropping her head back against the wall. "it's just she never doesn't call, you know?" Clarke says "and today she forgot."  
  
"It's not stupid" Raven says with a sympathetic smile on her face as she moves across the room to her best friend. "but I will tell you, she loves you" Raven says softly with a genuine smile. "You know that more than anyone, you're just letting your fears get in the way. You're stressed, she's stressed but that doesn't mean she's forgetting you" Raven says trying to pull her friend back to the real world. "You need to stop listening to jasper and Cheryl telling you she's going to be super famous and run of with someone else" Raven says with a quirked eyebrow and a smirk "They are just winding you up"  
  
"I know, I don't listen to them anyway" Clarke says still half lying. She's not blind, Lexa gets more points and stares every time they go out together, she may not be a high rolling diva yet but her name is certainly out there. Yet  Lexa was still still typical Lexa, she never notices anything until someone actually approaches her asking her for a autograph, which always results in Lexa frowning with a why would you want my autograph look. It makes Clarke laugh every time.  
  
"Clarke, go sleep" Raven orders. "She probably fell asleep from exhaustion and you will have hundreds of miss calls in the morning" Ravens says confident in her own words.  
  
"Yeah" Clarke says. "Thanks"  
  
"Yeah, just stop clicking your stupid phone" Raven snaps playfully before heading of to her own bed. "Now if you would kindly not wake me up unless there's a fire or you have food for me. Otherwise google your problems" Raven smirked already burying her face under her pillow.  
  
This time when Clarke puts her head on the pillow and tries to sleep, she doesn't think about the fear of Lexa and her growing apart. She doesn't think about Lexa one day saying all this is to much stress and dropping Clarke to loosen the reins a little. Instead she thinks of Lexa's first performance on a stage where she was expected by a waiting crowed. She couldn't suppress the smile that was brought to her lips as Lexa had a mini breakdown before, ready to rush backstage as far away from the crowed as possible muttering she couldn't do this while already removing the guitar that was resting on her shoulder. She remembers the fear buried deep in those green eyes when Clarke held on to her wrist bringing her close. She remembers Lexa's begging eyes to help her as she rest her forehead against Clarke's with shaky breaths and a rapid heart beat. So Clarke did, she wrapped her arms around Lexa's neck bringing a thumb to her cheek and stroking it soothingly telling her 'I believe in you' Clarke had whispered with a gentle smile. 'I know 'you can do this' she confessed while bringing Lexa closer to her as she took steps back so they had the privacy of just one another. She watched Lexa calm down enough for her body to relax into Clarke's even more for support. You would have to be blind to not see that Lexa was more nervous than she had ever been in her life while clinging on to Clarke. So Clarke told her one more thing and each time to this day Lexa had said she thinks about it each time backstage. She had said 'Sing for me and more importantly sing for your mum' Clarke whispered her eyes dropping to Lexa's guitar with the engraved inscription her mother use to tell her  
'H.W The strongest form of magic'  
After that Lexa found the courage to get on stage but through out her whole song, her gaze remained fixed on Clarke with that smile Clarke had fell so madly in love with.  
  
\--  
  
"Do you want to die today?" Raven huffs opening the door.  
  
"Um. No" Lexa hesitates confused.  
  
"Then I guess you have the wrong door" Raven says rubbing at her eyes while closing the door.  
  
"Wait" Lexa says stopping the door from closing "I'm sorry if I woke you" She says sheepishly.  
  
"If? If you woke me? Lexa what do you think people do at 2am" Raven snaps making Lexa more nervous. Somethings never changed, the fact that Lexa could build the courage to get on stage infront of hundreds of people, yet still became nervous with a one on one discussion always fascinated Raven and Anya, so much so they would tease her until they erupted in laughter. Clarke of course always reassured her with whispers and gentle touches admitting she finds it cute.  
  
"Sorry" Lexa apologised again "I'll just come back later" Lexa rushed to say already turning around pressing her hand to her forehead like it was the dumbest idea she ever had.  
  
"Get your arse in here before I shove Clarke's phone at your arse!" Raven says rolling her eyes while opening the door wider.  
  
"Clarke's phone?" Lexa questioned walking past the Latina in to the dark room, her eyes instantly falling on the sleeping blonde. Her smile lit up immediately, and she no longer cared for Ravens answer.  
  
"Long story short. You're in the dog house for not calling" Raven says and Lexa only just catches it as she already feels herself being pulled closer to her girlfriend.  
  
"What?" Lexa says furrowing her brows.  
  
"Talk to your girlfriend not me" Raven says already diving in her bed. "Now please. Shut up." She huffs pulling her pillow back over her face for the third time that night.   
  
This was a in the moment kind of thing and if Lexa was honest she hadn't entirely thought It through. She had been laying in bed in her dorm room aiming to fall asleep but as the time ticked her eyes just refused to close as she thought of her girlfriend two and a half hours away. Tonight was the first night she sang infront of a crowd without Clarke there and things couldn't have gone any worse if they tried. As she stood on stage for the first time without Clarke in the audience she realised she had nothing to focus on that would distract her from all the judgemental eyes on her so her pitch was of and her nerves were well and truly back and kicked up a notch. To make matters worse after the performance had come to a end she rushed back stage with a urgent need to speak to Clarke only to discover her phone had been nicked. As Lexa placed her bum on the edge of Clarkes bed she had never been more grateful for a little bit of light shinning through the window because even when Clarke was unconscious to the world she made everything better by just being close. For the second time that night for the exact same reason a hint of a smile touched Lexa's lips as she reached out to brush a thumb over Clarke's pale cheek. Three years they had been together now and it still scarred Lexa how reliant she was of Clarke, how she could make every negative thought vanish from just one look that Clarke reserved only for her. Her heart almost melted when Clarke sighed in her sleep before turning around with a stir beginning to slowly wake.    
  
"Lex?" Clarke mumbled rubbing at her eyes as they struggle to open  
  
"Hey" Lexa whispered sliding her bum across the bed closer to Clarke as Clarke sat up. "sorry I woke you" she whispered already bringing her forehead to rest against Clarke's who still looked confused and half asleep. God, she really did miss her she couldn't help breathing a sigh of relieve.  
  
"Am I dreaming?" Clarke croaked furrowing her brows while bringing her hand around the back of Lexa's neck holding her there just incase she was.  
  
"I hope not" Lexa grinned refusing to laugh as she two held Clarke like it had been a life time since they last held one another while watching every bit of Clarke slowly adjusting to consciousness. "I've missed you" Lexa confessed her eyes flickering to Clarke's dry lips before back to blue eyes which were scanning Lexa disbelievingly. "I'm here" Lexa confirmed once more pulling Clarke even closer.  
  
"I've missed you two" Clarke whispers back after a moment her hand reaching out to trace Lexa's cheek gently before trailing down her jaw line. Lexa savoured the moment, closing her eyes at the touch as she pushed further in to warm skin. You would think it had been years since they last saw one another. "What are you doing here?" Clarke questioned still surprised in her voice but excitement beaming right through as she bites the corner of her lip.  
  
"You have a exam in the morning" Lexa admits "I wouldn't miss it, I know how nervous you get" She confessed her eyes dropping to delicate lips once more craving to take them and place them on her own. Two weeks was far to long.  
  
"Its 2am" Clarke says with a amused smile while climbing over Lexa's lap and snaking her arms around Lexa's neck. "You look beautiful by the way" Clarke whispers finally catching Lexa's lips with hers in a slow earth shattering kiss. If Lexa's heart wasn't ready to burst out of her chest she might have smirked at Clarkes amusement and blushed at the compliment which she could still never get use to, but her heart was ready to explode as Clarke's tongue brushed against hers so delicately with the taste of toothpaste, but like she said it had been two weeks. So lexa moaned instantaneously against Clarke's lips as she  melted her body even more against her delicious curves. When Clarke tried to break the kiss, Lexa placed her hands on the back of the blondes back pressing her closer, refusing her to part just yet. Just a little longer Lexa pleaded as she sucked on Clarke's bottom lip the way she loves it.  
  
"You have missed me" Clarke pants between kisses, gripping Lexa with a little bit more force from the sensation rippling through her body.  
  
"Ahh come on!" Raven snaps throwing the pillow that was covering her head at the two girls. "Really! I'm right here and you're drying humping like three feet away!" She says not in the slightest bit shocked.  
  
"Sorry rae!" Clarke says through a laugh climbing of Lexa's lap "Forgot you were there" she admits.  
  
"Well I am. Now shut up! God, what's a girl got to do to get some sleep around here?" she huffs  
  
"Sorry raven" Lexa says more shyly her cheeks blushing pink as she bows her head in embarrassment, she to had forgotten all about Raven.  
  
"Get in bed you dork" Clarke smirks pulling on Lexa's hand refusing to let go for even a second as they climb beneath the sheets together naturally falling in to one of their favourite positions with Lexa's hands wrapping tightly around Clarke's top. For a few moments they stayed quiet trying to make out one another's facial features in the darkened room, while allowing silence for Raven to fall asleep.  
  
"You have no idea how much I've missed you" Clarke whispered after a while nuzzling Closer to Lexa like her life depended on it.  
  
"I think I do" Lexa breaths gripping on to Clarke's top that little bit tighter. One of the hardest things to get use to since living separate was not being able to fall asleep with Clarke every night. Sometimes in the dead of night Lexa would lay awake tossing and turning until she pushed herself to FaceTime Clarke needing to see her, or fall asleep feeling like she was right beside her. Clarke of course would happily oblige and rest her phone against a pillow as they both fell asleep, only to wake up with the call ended with morning texts from the other confessing how beautiful they looked this morning. It didn't compare to the real thing, but it certainly helped. "Clarke" Lexa whispered moving closer to Clarke so they were breathing the same oxygen. "Can we not leave it two weeks ever again?" Lexa questioned nuzzling Clarke's nose with her own. "I don't think I can do that again" Lexa admitted more vulnerably.  
  
"Me neither" Clarke admits with a gentle smile resting her hand on the side of Lexa's neck and curling her fingers to play with the baby hairs. "Lex"  
  
"Yeah"  
  
"How come you didn't call?" Clarke questioned her eyes shifting for a moment with her own vulnerability.  
  
"My phone was stolen" Lexa admits "Its part of the reason I'm here" She confesses. "I couldn't sleep without speaking to you, and I just.." Lexa stuttered shaking her head.  
  
"Just what?" Clarke soothed knowing Lexa had trouble expressing how venerable she really could be.  
  
"I really missed you" Lexa admitted. "I messed up tonight, I normally just watch you in the crowd and sing to you, but today you weren't there and all I had to focus on was everyone else watching me expectantly and I just got really nervous" Lexa admitted "I don't think I'm cut out for that kind of career. I Cant even get through a performance without you guiding me through" Lexa admitted finally connecting her eyes with blue. "plus i miss you so much" Lexa admits knowing its the main reason they haven't seen one another as often as she wants to. "You never make me feel so small on stage like everyone else" she admits fiddling with Clarke's top between her fingers.  
  
Clarke's eyes flickered sadly over her girlfriends face for a moment, not really needing to think about what to say but more on how to phrase it correctly. She hated it when Lexa would sink in to herself, doubting everything she can do by not being strong enough or good enough to do something she has already been doing incredibly. Clarke knew this was just a part of the woman she loved and it followed her everywhere but Clarke would always be there to catch her when she's crashing in self doubt, Because she knew none of it was true.  
  
"Babe" Clarke whispered cupping her girlfriends cheek before shaking her head with a tender smile. "Do you remember what Alan said to you when he wanted to manage you?" She questioned softly knowing her girlfriend remembered all to well the strange encounter.  
  
"He told me he believed in me" Lexa admitted.  
  
"He did" Clarke breathed with a soft smile "He didn't know you. He owed you nothing but still after seeing your video he reached out which he never does" Clarke breathed playing with Lexa's fiddling fingers as she takes them in her own. "He believed in you, he believed in your voice and he believes that you can do this" Clarke says even softer. "Do you think all singers just get on stage and never get nervous?" Clarke questioned "Because that's not the case loads admit they still get nervous before each performance and some say it never leaves but eventually you learn to have fun with it, you learn to not worry about what everyone's thinking because really if they didn't like you, they wouldn't be there watching you" Clarke explains through a whisper her eyes flicking over to Raven still sleeping before back to her focused girlfriend. "i believe you can do this" Clarke breathes " I think you were born to sing Lex. It runs through your veins" she admits not needing to say Lexa's mothers name. "You're new at this and things will go wrong and i know you're going to over thing and analyse everything but don't" Clarke says softly reaching down to peck Lexa's lips. "Because you are pretty incredible if you ask me" Clarke breaths "I cant wait to buy your first number one album" She grins looking in to beautiful green eyes.  
  
"How do you do that?" Lexa questioned green eyes looking deep in to blue like Clarke is the only treasure in this world. She's the only thing she will ever really need.  
  
"Because i love you, and i know how your brain works" Clarke admits nuzzling her nose against Lexa's "i wish you could see how rare and beautiful and talented you are" Clarke admits hovering her lips over Lexa's "Now shut up and kiss me before I start missing you again" Clarke ordered through a cheeky grin. So Lexa did. She kissed her until Clarke giggled against her lips ordering her to sleep which Lexa still fort against for a few moments knowing Clarke was just as weak for her as she was for Clarke. They kissed until they felt a ache and a flutter in their chest, they kissed until they were tired and all snuggled up holding one another like they had been craving to do for far to long. They kissed until all the darkness that seeped in their life's in the time they hadn't touched had faded away till it never existed leaving nothing but one another.  
  
\--  
  
"I'm going to fail" Clarke whined hitting her head against the door as her girlfriend watched amused. She couldn't help it, she cracked a smirk because she absolutely adored this Clarke, the one that fell to pieces and panicked like she never had before each time it had only gotten more dramatic. "I'm so tired" She whined  
  
"sorry" Lexa apologised pulling at her girlfriend with a pout. "I shouldn't have come over last night, I should have waited till this morning to surprise you" She says while wrapping her arms around Clarke's waist.  
  
"Don't be so absurd" Clarke frowns "It was the best idea you ever had" She admits holding Lexa just as tight.   
  
"You nervous?" Lexa questioned through a already growing smile.  
  
"What could have possibly gave it away" Clarke says seriously looking at the door to the hall like it was the door to hell, like she did the year before, and the year before that.  
  
"Well don't be" Lexa grinned pecking her girlfriends lips before she could object. "I believe in you, just as much as you believe in me" Lexa grins. "So instead of panicking I want you to go in there, and show everyone what i already know"  
  
"and what's that?"  
  
"That you're not only beautiful" Lexa whispers capturing Clarke's lips in a teasing way with a smirk as she pulls away seeing blue eyes fallen shut. "i will be waiting when you're done"  
  
"Hmm. Don't you have to go college yourself?" Clarke questions with a raised brow her eyes still struggling to pull away from Lexa's teasing lips.  
  
"i do. But to hell with today" Lexa mumbled pecking Clarke's lips once more. "One day won't hurt. Besides I've really missed you"  
  
"I like a bad girl" Clarke flirts her arms tightening around Lexa's neck and pulling her even closer.  
  
"Clarke Griffin" A man calls her name for her to step forward with her identification.  
  
"You did that on purpose" Clarke says quickly turning to Lexa.  
  
"Not a clue what you're talking about" Lexa grins proud of succeeding so easily in her mission to make Clarke forget about the exam for a few moments completely. "I thought you liked a bad girl?" Lexa questioned pushing Clarke towards the door before she got time to panic more. "I love you, good luck" She whispered pecking her lips once more.  
  
"I love you two" Clarke called before turning to face the gentleman at the door.  
  
\--  
  
"Costia!" Lexa beamed sitting at the coffee table as she watched her best friend approach.  
  
"Legs!" Costia grinned "Glad you called" she beams wrapping her arms around Lexa before placing in a seat opposite her.  
  
"Will people ever stop calling me that?"  
  
"Hell no, Anya got that burned in our brains since high school" she grinned "Its fitting" She admits "Where's Clarke?"  
  
"She has her biology exam today"  
  
"Bless her. She still act like the paper is a terrorist?" Costia questioned making Lexa laugh.  
  
"She does actually" Lexa smiles. "She was hitting her head on a door today"  
  
"Better than last year then, when she sat on the floor refusing to go in because she will just fail anyway" Costia laughed remembering the scene before entering the exam room herself wishing Lexa luck getting her to move. "Feels like forever since i last seen you"  
  
"I know" Lexa says twiddling with her scarf between her fingers. "have i missed anything?" she questioned sipping on her milkshake.  
  
"Not really, same old" Costia shrugged "You missed a party last weekend it was crazy!"  
  
"Why what happened?" Lexa asked curiously remembering Clarke mentioning a party that she went to.  
  
"Bellamy got his nose broke. Anya kicked off at Raven, shouting and screaming literally the lot! Clarke fell of the patio steps and hurt her ankle so we shoved her in the corner for the night to complain to some woman named Niylah. I hooked up with Finn" She laughed living in the memory. "Crazy shit"  Lexa wasn't really sure what question to ask first, she just heard from Clarke that it was the normal party.  
  
"Niylah?" Lexa found herself asking not so obviously.  
  
"that's what you choose to ask from all that?" Costia laughed. "You jealous bean" She grinned. "She's just someone in Clarke med Class, apparently they get on so Niylah looked after her, mainly because her complaining was really annoying. Your girlfriend is quite the dramatic little thing" She stated "Anyway yeah Bellamy got in a fight for pushing some bloke away from Raven and grabbing her arse. So typical Anya got the wrong end of the stick wondering why Bellamy was trying to be Ravens knight in shinning armour and accused them of something going on"  
  
"and you and Finn?"  
  
"Well we have been flirty for ages, so i won't say we just fell in bed one another, i think it was a bit of a build up and the alcohol helped" Costia admits taking some of her coffee. "He's good in bed i tell you that" Costia grinned "Clarke could have shared this information" Costia laughed without thinking. Lexa froze at those words trying no to cringe as the mental image popped in her head.  
  
"I'm so sorry Lex" Costia apologised cringing herself "i didn't think"  
  
"Its fine" Lexa says after a moment trying to swipe her memory clean and Clarke just being hers. "So you like him?" Lexa tried to compose herself so Cleared her throat sitting straighter.  
  
"I think i do" Costia admits. "He's a gentleman. What about you? How are you and Clarke?"  
  
"We're great" Lexa suddenly starts to beam because she had never loved anyone more. "I've missed her so much"  
  
"She has missed you too" Costia admits "She's very mopey and constantly on her phone"  
  
"Yeah" Lexa grins "me too"  
  
  
\---  
  
  
She didn't have to wait long for Clarke, she was one of the first people out the hall and judging by her beaming smile, she must have done perfectly fine. A squeal of delight came next as Clarke run the rest of the way towards Lexa jumping at her as she snaked her arms around her neck for Lexa to catch making her laugh.  
  
"I take it you did well?" Lexa questioned through a toothy grin as she watched Clarke's hair fly backwards looking over joyed.  
  
"I'm not sure but i think i aced it" Clarke beamed. All the earlier stress and panic once again vanished like it never existed in the first place. "Now i get to spend of the rest of my day wrapped around my girlfriend" Clarke said excitedly placing her lips on Lexa's. "Can i take you on a date?" Clarke questioned eagerly. "we haven't had one in so long and i need one" She pouts tightening her grip around Lexa.  
  
"If that's what you want" Lexa says her smile dying down as she lowers Clarke back to her feet. "Where were you thinking?" She questioned.  
  
"Now that. Lexa woods, is a surprise" Clarke says seductively with a cheeky glint.  
  
"I look forward to it" Lexa beams taking her girlfriends hand in her own as they begin walking of campus back to Clarke's dorm.  
  
"You should" Clarke winks kissing Lexa's cheek.  
  
\--  
  
Three years and Lexa still felt her fingers tingle with pleasure and excitement when ever Clarke would get excited or be close in general and today was no different as she sat in the passenger seat of her own car while Clarke drove with a blindfold over her eyes. The blindfold had become a regular thing with Clarke claiming it makes the intensity of the surprise better without having Lexa looking out for signs for a clue, so now Lexa would just sit back with a glowing smile as Clarke kept hold of her hand only letting go to change gear.  
  
"Are you going to tell me yet?" Lexa questioned already knowing the answer.  
  
"Nope. Not a chance"  
  
"Can i take the blindfold of?"  
  
"If you want to turn back around and head back home, sure." Clarke says simply and Lexa only wishes she could see those smug lips because Clarke knows that's not going to happen in this life time. Lexa loves Clarke's surprises almost as much as she loves Clarke. Almost.  
  
"Can i have a clue?" Lexa questions squeezing her girlfriends hand.  
  
"You will like it" Clarke says after a moment.  
  
"That's not a clue" Lexa laughs turning to her girlfriend in the darkness which the blind provides.  
  
"Fine. You will love it" Clarke grins squeezing Lexa's hand cheekily right back. "Just sit back and let me romance you"  
  
A few more minutes pass where all that's heard is the music from the speakers while Lexa's continues to play with Clarke's fingers. When the car comes to a holt Lexa looks around the car like she can finally see, which makes Clarke laugh that little bit more whispering idiot while kissing Lexa's lips.  
  
"Can i take it of now?" Lexa pouted to excited to wait.  
  
"One minute" Clarke laughs stepping out the car and around to Lexa's side to help her out. "I'll guide you" Clarke explains holding Lexa's hand and leading the way.  
  
"right we're here" Clarke grins stepping closer to the brunette to take the blindfold off.  
  
As Lexa's eyes adjust to the light taking everything in, her smile quickly forms recognising the place almost immediately.  
  
"The beach" Lexa whispers with a breath of beautiful memories. This was where Clarke brought her on there first date only the stars were already out Betime they got here. This time the sun was only just beginning to set with seagulls flying around near the shore. It looked beautiful.  
  
"Good surprise?" Clarke questioned nervously pulling Lexa closer against her chest.  
  
"Very" Lexa hummed capturing Clarke's lips with her own before deepening it with her tongue, the sweet sound of Clarke's moan had Lexa already ready to combust and take Clarke home right now, but that wasn't the plan. She could wait a little longer, just a little.  
  
"Come" Clarke ordered pulling at her hand to sit on the blanket Clarke had laid before she removed the blind. "Do you remember out first date?" She questioned knowing full well none of them could ever forget it.  
  
"how could i forget?" Lexa questioned as Clarke placed her legs either side of the brunette for Lexa to lean back in to her chest to watch the sunset.  
  
"I never felt more lucky" Clarke admits cutely before cheekily adding "You let me remove your top and bra" she smirks wiggling her eye brow as Lex knocks her chest with her elbow while blushing bashfully.  
  
"Clarke" Lexa whined burying her face in the blondes neck.

  
"I'm teasing" Clarke whispers wrapping her arms around Lexa before looking out to the sunset. "It's beautiful" She breathes and somehow despite Lexa's love for beautiful sites she really couldn't take her eyes of her girlfriend.  
  
"Clarke" Lexa says softly catching her attention "Raven said something about me being in the dog house last night?" Lexa questioned twitching her lip to the side, she was aware of the saying but she wasn't exactly sure what she had done wrong and it had been playing on her mind all day.  
  
"oh nothing" Clarke says looking back out to the sun. "It was just me being silly is all"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Nothing" Clarke says again squeezing Lexa gently. "It doesn't matter now"  
  
"It does to me" Lexa says quietly fiddling with the hem of Clarke's jeans.  
  
"It was just me being silly, really. I couldn't sleep and i just kept checking my phone, it was getting later and later and you never don't call" Clarke says quickly like she wanted to rush the conversation away. "i hadn't seen you in two weeks and we've both been really busy, and i missed you and i duno"  
  
"Clarke" Lexa says softly turning in their embrace with a questioning look, Clarke was getting nervous and she is almost never nervous, which made Lexa worried.  
  
"I was just, it was my own insecurity's. I thought that maybe you were slowly leaving me behind" Clarke venerable than Lexa had ever seen her. "I mean i know you are working so hard, and that kind of life can take people away but, i just i just got scarred for a little bit that you were wearing of me" She admits pulling Lexa on her lap just to be closer, because even the thought of it feels like she is dying.  
  
"i could.." Lexa stuttered stunned by the confession. "What?" Lexa questioned in disbelief. "is that how i made you feel?" she questioned after a moment.  
  
"Not really" Clarke admits thinking about the whole thing back, "i just had a weak moment and my fears of losing you got the better of me. I just know that a lot of people can get caught up in the attention and being noticed and then i just though of little old me still studying and rooted here because I'm studying" Clarke breaths "I Know you love me" Clarke admits trying to clear the mess up and wipe the worry and confusion settling in green eyes.  
  
"i could never leave you behind" Lexa whispers a little hurt and broken that Clarke had felt this way for even a moment and the way she cupped Clarke's cheek showed Clarke exactly how scarred she was of losing the blonde too. "Before you i didn't really understand love. I saw it but i didn't get it" Lexa admitted "Now i do. I think i do" Lexa breathes green eyes scanning Clarke's face hoping her words could do justice for how she feels. "i don't feel like you're my soul mate. i feel like you are my soul, without you I'm nothing" Lexa breaths tears in her eyes as she clutches Clarke. "Without you i have no inspiration, no deepest desires, no true meaning to smile the way i do" Lexa confesses soothing her thumb over Clarke's bottom lip. "Without you, i have nothing. You are my anchor to everything good" She whispers capturing Clarke's lips with her own with a slow sensual kiss allowing a single tear to fall. Clarke kisses back just as eagerly before swiftly pushing Lexa back against the sand while climbing above her while pushing her tongue more fiercely against Lexas.  
  
"You know" Clarke whispers biting on Lexa's bottom lip to withdraw a moan. "You're getting way better with words" Clarke husked biting down Lexa's chin until she was showering wet kisses against Lexa's collar bone making Lexa's body buck in to hers for something more.  
  
"I love you." Lexa breathed pulling Clarke away to look at her for just a moment. She wanted her to see the meaning. To watch her say the words with more truth than she has ever had, because she didn't just love Clarke, she was a complete goner.  
  
"I love you two" Clarke whispered with a gentle smile turning to look at the rocks where the sun had disappeared behind. "We missed the sunset" she whined her plan ruined.  
  
"I'm more of a star and moon kind of girl anyway" Lexa says shrugging her shoulder while looking up in to blue. "we can make out while we wait" Lexa says cheekily and Clarke certainly had no objections.  
  
"who's Niylah?" Lexa quickly questioned as Clarke was leaning down making Clarke pause while a large smile appeared on her lips.  
  
"Niylah?" Clarke questioned with a furrow but her smile remained. "From my med class"  
  
"Yeah" Lexa says. "I've never heard about her before" Lexa furrows studying the blonde who began laughing.  
  
"That's because she is no one." Clarke giggled leaning down to peck her jealous girlfriends lips. "I can tell you about Mr packman if you like, he's a nobody to. Complete dick though" Clarke smirked while continuing to pepper kisses over Lexa's plump lips.  
  
"Shut up" Lexa mumbled a blush creeping across her cheeks. She wasn't jealous she tells herself. Just curious to the girl sitting in a corner nursing her girlfriend back to health on her own while Lexa knew nothing about it. Just curiosity. That's all it is.  
  
"i love your jealous side" Clarke laughed pushing her lips harder on to Lexa's as she began pushing Lexa's t-shirt up to feel those sexy abs beneath. "Skinny dipping?" Clarke asked cheekily. "I really want you naked right now"


	37. SEQUAL/Four years after they started college.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four years from the last chapter. 
> 
> Rain comes..
> 
> Anya's back
> 
> Lexa receives a letter..
> 
> Lexa gets a little jealous.
> 
>  
> 
> At the end of this chapter I change writing style but people prefer it the other way so next chapter is back to normal.

**Lost and Insecure Part ii **  
  
  


For normal people it was the time of year you would put your heating on while snuggling down beneath a blanket. It was the time of year you would heat milk on your stove, ready to drink a warm cup of cocoa or glass of milk. It was the time of year you would wake early in the morning but still feel like it was the middle of the night. It was the time of year people would never stop complaining about until summer rolled back around. All except Clarke.  
  
"What are you doing?" Lexa whispered a smile already spreading across her lips as she wraps her arms protectively around the blonde as the storm outside slowly brewed. It was Clarke's favourite time of year which meant she would find her girlfriend sitting on the ledge of the window instead of comfortably on the couch on more than one occasion.  
  
"It's so heavy today" Clarke beamed with a incredulous smile painting her lips. This was the time of year her girlfriend would smile the most with a bigger jump to every step while constantly wanting to go out instead of being stuck in doors, the exact opposite to summer. When the sun would be out Clarke couldn't be further away from the window, instead she would choose to take comfort on the couch while rolling around complaining that she was to hot and sticky while downing gallons of water.   
  
Just a few months ago Lexa had came home early to find Clarke splayed out on the couch half naked while her feet were buried in buckets of cold water on the floor. When Lexa had asked her what she was doing through a laugh Clarke had whined rather dramatically while throwing her head back against the couch saying she was far to hot and had a full on debate with herself if the reason was because Satan had risen and brought his shitty much to hot weather with him. Lexa could only roll her eyes while laughing occasionally as she made them lunch. Clarke could be quite the dramatic little bean when she wanted too.  
  
"Its beautiful" Lexa admitted placing a kiss to her girlfriends neck before resting her chin on Clarkes shoulder. "I've missed living with you" Lexa confesses nuzzling closer to her lover. It wasn't exactly something she had just discovered but it was something Lexa hadn't said out loud yet, and she knew Clarke loved it when she confessed even the smallest of things, she thinks it was Clarke's way to encourage her to admit things instead of only sticking to writing her deepest feelings in a book. It's not like they never saw one another while they studied at different colleges, but only being able to see each other twice a week, made them miss even the smallest things, like the way Clarke would glow when the rain would fall. Yet everything now was exactly how it should be and somehow even waking up and falling asleep with Clarke seven days a week still felt like it was never enough.  
  
"Me too" Clarke confesses turning in Lexa's arms to leave a lingering kiss on her girlfriends lips. As soon as Lexa graduated she suggested they moved in with one another immediately and wasted no time in beginning the search for a property to rent near Clarke's college, which in itself was one of the most fun things Lexa had ever done to this day. "Why have you missed it?" Clarke questioned through a cheeky grin wanting to know what made her say it in this very moment  
  
"I just do" Lexa says holding back her explanation, no matter how much Clarke loved her confessions she sometimes still held back until she was completely ready to bare all vulnerability, and Clarke would never push, but instead allowed her to do it in her own time. "Come on" Lexa says after a moment looking in to blue eyes before pulling her towards the door.  
  
"Where are we going?" Clarke frowned trying to pull Lexa to a holt "Its hammering it down" she says waving her hand at the window like Lexa was blind.  
  
"Exactly!" Lexa smirks pulling her coat on while throwing Clarke's at her.  
  
"You hate the rain!" Clarke mumbled shifting to put her coat on while being tugged out the door.  
  
"are you trying to change my mind?" Lexa questioned stopping in her footsteps with a teasing tone "I mean we can go sit down and watc-" She explains beginning to take her coat of again before Clarke cuts her of pulling her out the door with a wider smile than she had seen all day.  
  
"Don't you dare" Clarke orders pulling Lexa out the building and immediately enwinding their fingers together. "What if someone spots you?" Clarke questioned as Lexa pulls the hood of her coat safely over her head. Clarke doesn't even bother touching her hood in the slightest.  
  
"It's raining" Lexa deadpans finding that explanation enough.  
  
"We're out in the rain?" Clarke smiles looking up to the sky as they finally step of the porch to feel the heavy pour of rain attacking their bodies.  
  
"Only because you love it" Lexa says lovingly pulling at Clarke's hand to plant a kiss which quickly becomes mixed with rain.  
  
"You hate it" Clarke whispers.  
  
"I love you" Lexa hums pecking Clarke's lips once more.  
  
They strolled through the darkened streets watching people scatter out their vehicles clutching things over their heads while dashing for safety. Clarke took it all in, the beauty of people rushing around whining as their foul moods only seemed to grow. She watched as the howling wind blew leaves free from their branches as the torrential rain slammed against the pavement creating even bigger puddles than there already was. It was a beauty in itself by how chaotic everything could change within minutes. Clarke couldn't for the life of her take her eyes of the scenery around her, how people stood from their windows telling their loved ones 'it's dreadful out there' was beyond her, they couldn't be more wrong.  
  
"Looks like those cats have found their shelter" Clarke says pointing to two black and white cats under a bus stop curled up comfortably on the seats while watching the rain pour around them. As Lexa lift her gaze to the direction of the animals she clutched to her hood fighting to keep it on her head as the wind was having none of it. Why she suggested this idea she had no clue.  
  
"don't they have homes?" Lexa questioned with a frown which only deepened as a big rain drop splattered against her forehead. She really hated the rain.  
  
"Think their waiting for Noah and his ark" Clarke laughed. Which only made Lexa focus more on the cats.  
  
"Well they're wiser than us" Lexa finally says clutching Clarke's hand even tighter feeling the chill all through her body, at this point she gave up fighting against her hood and let it fall finding there was absolutely no point anyway as she was drenched right through, she could even feel her underwear weighing down.  
  
"Grouchy when you're wet" Clarke teased pulling a soaking Lexa in to her chest while she pouted lovingly. "You remind me of a cat" She purred unable to stop herself from catching the rain drop threatening to drop from Lexa's plump bottom lip.  
  
"So you've said" Lexa says while her bottom lip shivers catching Clarke's lips once more.  
  
"When I was younger I use to watch two rain droplets on the window and pretend it was a race" Clarke says shyly which made lexa laugh "My mum and dad never let me outside when it would rain" she admitted clutching Lexa even tighter with the widest of smile. Despite everything, the shiver that ran down her spine, her numb toes and fingertips, her soaked hair and drenched Clothes, Lexa found it all worth it for that simple smile and she would do it over and over again.  
  
"I'll blame you when we catch pneumonia" Lexa says cheekily with her lips turning purple.  
  
"I promise I will take care of you"  
  
"What if you have it as well?" Lexa questioned pulling Clarke in the direction back to their home.  
  
"Then I guess we have Noah and his ark" Clarke shrugged turning to Lexa with a wink making Lexa laugh once again. "Besides, if you didn't get all cold and wet, then I guess we wouldn't need a hot shower together when we get home" Clarke teased edging closer until she was trapping Lexa between a parked car and her body. "Would you like that, Lexa?" Clarke questioned leaning painfully close until Lexa's arse was pressed firmly against the car door. Lexa could only freeze her eyes unfocused as they struggle to fixate on a singular part of Clarke's face. Instead she blinked taking in a sharp breath as Clarke's finger tips threaded around her hip to her arse gripping it gently, she loved how Clarke would say her name in a seductive kind of way and Clarke took advantage in knowing it aswel. "I couldn't hear you over all the rain, what was it you said?" Clarke questioned teasingly pressing her chest tighter against Lexa's as her purple lips inched even closer to Lexa's. Lexa could see it, the teasing glint in blue eyes, the smirk that was slowly appearing as her girlfriend knew she had Lexa exactly where she wanted her, rendered speechless yet ready to crumble to her knees with what ever demand Clarke wanted. With Clarke's wet fuzzy hair, bright blue eyes and teasing voice Lexa nodded with eyes still unfocused all she could see was lips, eyes and water droplets shaping Clarke's beautiful face. She wanted a taste.  
  
"Words" Clarke voiced pulling slightly back as Lexa's lips leant in to capture hers.  
  
"Yes" Lexa breathed already picturing showering with Clarke, hands wondering and kisses devouring every inch of milky skin. She's not even sure she wants to wait, numb finger tips and toes long forgotten along with the shiver that only moments ago ran down her spine.  
  
"Good girl" Clarke whispered gaze looking deep in to green before dropping it to Lexa's lips. "babe" Clarke husked pushing her gentle fingers in to Lexa's tangled mess. "You can kiss me now" she says through another smirk. Yes she certainly had her exactly where she wanted her, but Lexa tells herself its because she wanted to be there anyway. As lips are about to meet both girls jump as the alarm of the car goes off making them jump apart with a startle.  
  
"Shit" Lexa jumps looking at the vehicle with anger. Stupid thing. Clarke was unable to control her laughter as it come tumbling out her lips. "What?" Lexa says blushing feeling her body having withdrawals from the effects of seconds ago. One minute she was cold, next minute she was almost on fire, now.. Now her hearts pounding from a almost heart attack.  
  
"I don't think I will ever get use to you swearing" Clarke laughed pulling Lexa closer once more "its adorable" she hummed capturing Lexa's lips in a simple kiss. Stupid car. "Come on you" She laughed pulling Lexa back home to warm up.  
  
As they finally reached the porch to the house Clarke pulled Lexa against her till she was trapped against the door and Lexa. The rain had slowed but still continued to trickle around the roof protecting them and Clarke finally took the time to take Lexa in. Her cold finger tips against her own, her green eyes with mascara messily around them, her purple lips and frizzy hair. She was drenched and Clarke fell in love with her a little more, because not only did Lexa hate being in the rain, she was one of those people that Clarke had watched earlier, the kind that would scrabble to safety while falling in to a bigger mood because the rain had got them wet, or ruined their plans. Yet Lexa being Lexa pushed her dislike to one side for Clarke because she simply knew how much Clarke loves it.  
  
"Lexa woods" Clarke hummed pulling at the collar of Lexa's coat to bring her even closer. "Have I told you how much I love you?" She questioned nuzzling her nose against the brunettes.  
  
"Everyday" Lexa admits proudly resting her forehead against Clarkes and breathing her in. Three and a half years later and they still fell like they were swimming in one another's love.  
  
"Lets get you warmed up" Clarke whispers capturing Lexa's lips in a kiss that she had waited for, a kiss that should of happened earlier if it wasn't for that silly car alarm going of. Lexa's freezing cold hands immediately come up to cup Clarke's cheek as she smiles in to the kiss excitedly unable to stop herself from moaning and falling in to the kiss even deeper. God, she really does love her. Clarke pulls the door open without breaking the kiss instantly falling in to the heat of their home only stumbling a little as they try removing their coats without taking a moment to breath. Tounge's clash and moans are released as their coats quickly fall to the floor.  
  
"Don't stop on my account" Raven says loud and Clear making both girl jump apart abruptly. "No really, you don't have to stop" Raven says continuing her game on the TV. For a moment both girls stare at Raven shouting at the TV as she was shot dead again before Clarke eventually gives up shrugs at nothing and goes to continue exactly what she had planned and reached for a extremely blushing flushed Lexa.  
  
"Clarke" Lexa says widening her eyes as she steps out of her reach "We can't" She protests bowing her head regrettably back to her normal shy self.  
  
"Why not?" Clarke pouts pulling at Lexa's soaked jumper anyway just to bring her closer. "She lives here" she says regrettably who ever suggested Raven should live with them was a idiot. It certainly was not her idea Clarke thinks, no defiantly not her. She would just want Lexa all to herself so she would never suggest such a absurd idea.  
  
Only she did.  
  
"She will know what we're doing" Lexa says shyly in barely a whisper.  
  
"I think the whole street know what we're doing when we're bonking Lex" Clarke says not in the slightest bit embarrassed but rather with a proud smirk.  
  
"Clarke" Lexa whines bowing her head as her cheeks glow with a new shade of pink. "Don't say bonking" she cringed which only made Clarke laugh.  
  
"Come on you nerd" Clarke laughed rolling her eyes as she begins pulling her girlfriend upstairs towards the bathroom.  
  
The sound of the toilet flushing had both of them standing still frowning at one another. The three people that lived in the house were most defiantly not in the toilet but as Clarke shot Lexa a questioning look Lexa only shrugged in response. The sound of a laugh echoed through the door and the next thing they knew the door was swinging open to a very proud looking Anya.  
  
"Oh my god guess what!" Anya started very excitedly looking at one girl to the other.  
  
"Do I want to even know?" Clarke questioned with a annoyed frown looking in to the bathroom like Anya had hexed it or something.  
  
"Probably not but I'm going to tell you anyway" Anya says completely uninterested in what they have to say. "I was sitting on the toilet you know googling on my phone as people do" she says waving her hands around.  
  
"People don't google" Clarke says shaking her head.  
  
"I don't" Lexa adds.  
  
"Whatever. No one cares about your life story, god." Anya waves them of. "anyway. I dropped my phone. Never have I been so happy I didn't have a thigh gap" she says excitedly tapping at her thighs "These bad boys saved my phone and had my back the whole way" Anya says proudly weirdly trying to tense her thighs. "Saved my phone from the toilet and my life from ending"   
  
"How far back do you sit?" Clarke questioned after looking at Anya with a 'are you serious look' that she refused to notice while Lexa laughed.  
  
"all the way, a girls got to relax" Anya says waving her hand while rolling her eyes at her cousin and turning to Lexa instead. "They were like we got you girl" She explains to the brunette who she assumed was more interested than her boring cousin.  
  
"Hello Anya" Lexa beams after rolling her eyes. "We've missed you" she admits wrapping her arms around Anya to embrace in a hug.  
  
"No we haven- uff" Clarke muttered earning her a nudge from Lexa.   
  
"Speaking of toilet" Anya cringes pulling away from a soaked Lexa. "Did you fall down one?" she questioned. "You look like shit"   
  
"Why thank you Anya. Lovely to see You Anya. Don't let the door hit you on your way out Anya" Clarke says sarcastically while her cousin just stares at her.  
  
"Is she broke?" Anya questioned looking at Lexa seriously with a pointed finger to Clarke. "She keeps saying my name"  
  
"Will you get lost!" Clarke orders shoving Anya away and down the stairs. "Lets move out" Clarke suggest with a hopfull smile making Lexa laugh again.  
  
"We just moved in"  
  
"Well we can just move out"  
  
"No Clarke"  
  
"But.."  
  
"No" Lexa says shaking her head while pulling her girlfriend in to the bathroom and locking the door. "this was your idea so I don't know why you're pouting" Lexa grins before turning around to adjust the shower temperature.  
  
"What! No it wasn't, I would never suggest such things" Clarke denied crossing her arms over her chest like a pouty child.  
  
"Clarke" Lexa breathed with a raised brow.  
  
"Fine, but you could have said no"  
  
"You know you love it" Lexa says rolling her eyes as she starts to peel of her soaked through top before Clarke bats her hands away to continue doing it herself.  
  
"but I didn't want a buy one get one free deal" Clarke argues talking about Anya. "She is a huge cock block and she loves to annoy me" She explains unbuttoning Lexa's jeans before struggling to pull them off "God, you're sexy" Clarke admits standing up straight to admire Lexa in her underwear which only made Lexa laugh more. Clarke's hands bashfully wondered over the body she claimed was hers forever. "as I was saying, I voted Raven. Not Raven and Anya"  
  
"There in a relationship, with one you get the other" Lexa argues through an adoring smile while pulling her girlfriend in to the warmth of the shower, wrapping their arms snuggly around one another to bring each other closer. "lets talk about this later" Lexa tries to reason squeezing Clarke even tighter.  
  
"fine" Clarke huffs bringing her arms securely around Lexa's neck. "but only because you're naked right now" she hummed in delight digging her fingers in Lexa's mane. "So, sex?" she husks excitedly.  
  
"No" Lexa laughs  
  
"BUT" Clarke tries to argue only stopping as soon as Lexa gives her the look. "Fine. But don't come begging to me when you want it" she warns reaching for the soap.  
  
\---  
  
"Where's my bag!" Clarke stressed pushing her fingers through her hair as she scanned over the living room for the second time. "Who's touched my bag?" she snaps looking at all three girls sitting on the couch eating breakfast.  
  
"Why would anyone want to touch your bag?" Anya questioned with her hair all frazzled. "I mean you're poor as fuck" Anya laughed. "Lexa's maybe. Yours, worth more to pick up dog shit of the ground, at least that way I save myself a fine"  Anya digs making Raven laugh.  
  
"That's it" Clarke snaps after a moment of giving Anya the death glare. Without thinking she charged forward toward her cousin ready to hit her really dam hard.  
  
"Clarke" Lexa says softly standing up to stop her girlfriend. "Where did you last see it?" she questions trying to sooth her erratic girlfriend.  
  
"I don't know" she huffs eyes wondering everywhere she could possibly see. "I normally put it on the kitchen counter. Niylah is going to be here any minute, I'm going to be late!" she whines brushing away from Lexa's calming hands and running up the stairs two at a time.  
  
"Niylah is picking you up?" Lexa questions shouting at the stairs to Clarke while she could hear things being thrown about.  
  
"Found it!" Clarke declares after a few moments before appearing on the stairs once again "Yes she-" Before Clarke could explain anymore the sound of a car horn outside cut her off. "That will be her. Got to go" she rushes stealing a bite from Lexa's toast that was in her hand "Love you, see you tonight" she mumbles through a full mouth with a sloppy kiss to Lexa's lips. "Bye" she waves and before Lexa even has time to say goodbye herself the door is slammed closed.   
  
"What?" Lexa questions finding her spot back on the couch while Anya and Raven eye her carefully.   
  
"Nothing" Raven says shaking her head and diverting her eyes back to her milky cereal while her girlfriend takes a completely different approach all together.  
  
"Want me to slash her tyres?" Anya questioned before taking a bite of her cereal. "I can- tot slash she devi-tyres" She mumbled crunching away while milk drips aimlessly down her chin.  
  
"What?" Lexa laughs unable to stop her amused grin. "Why would you want to slash her tyres?"  
  
"I don't like her" Anya shrugs giving Lexa the knowingly look. "So, tyre slashing? You in?"  
  
"no" Lexa laughs despite thinking the idea wasn't all that bad.  
  
"Oh come on" Anya whines "She deserves so much more" she screeches "She is totally checking your girlfriends arse out every time she turns around. She is hitting on her discreetly enough to the point where its not discreet enough but discreet enough to get Clarke to think you are imagining things"  
  
"Clarke says they are just friends" Lexa shrugs looking to the door like she couldn't do much else. She had already spoke to Clarke about her suspicions after the hospital hosted a charity event. She had watched Niylah eye her all night and look at her in away that was unsettling in Lexa's stomach to the point Lexa held Clarke that little bit closer to try and send a quiet messages, however it didn't seem to work as Niylah seemed to find it her mission to spend majority or the night talking with Clarke, like she was purposely trying to make Lexa jealous because they spend most of their days together. After telling Clarke in a not so jealous way, Clarke had snuggled down and told her their was seriously nothing their for either of them and maybe Lexa was just feeling Jealous, it wasn't the case and she knew it but she just nodded and told Clarke that she might be right. "I trust her" Lexa says defeated but honest.  
  
"Yeah well, I Don't trust Niylah one bit the deluded freak" Anya says more angrily the more she speaks. "I mean come on, You are like a fricking Celebrity why would Clarke want her" She says like it absolutely ridiculous.  
  
"Well she does the same as Clarke and I want Clarke" Lexa reasons shrugging her shoulders. "Why not?"  
  
"Lexa. Shut up" Anya scrolls shaking her head. "As I was saying you're a fricking celebrity" She says looking down to her cereal and twirling the milk with her spoon.  
  
"Babe what are you doing?" Raven questions after a moment of silence snapping her out her trance from milk.  
  
"Ah sorry" she laughs at herself "Was just wondering if I've ever had milk from the same cow before" she laughs before brushing it of like it wasn't the weirdest randomise thing to say. "So when I don't like someone. Slash tyres" she explains. "Looks at me funny, slash tyres. Try to ruin fricking Clexa, fuck your car is about to explode" she says seriously pointing her spoon at a laughing Lexa.  
  
"Got it" she laughs while crossing her legs beneath her. Anya has always had the protective edge for their relationship, if she didn't say something she would be watching carefully from the corner of her eye, and in a strange way Lexa loved her more for it because it wasn't only Clarke and Lexa fighting for their relationship, their was Anya too and she always seemed to be the brunettes savour when things were going wrong or she didn't entirely understand something. "so are we slashing?" Anya grins excitedly thinking she had won both girls over only to earn her a smack on the head from Raven and a roll of the eyes from Lexa.  
  
"So celebrity, when are you releasing your first official single?" Anya questioned placing her bowl on the table infront of her.  
  
"Wait what? when did this happen?" Raven questions confused.  
  
"Last week" Anya says shaking her head at her girlfriend shamefully wondering where she had came from. "god how are you my girlfriend when you are rubbish at being nosey in your own home. God" she breaths turning to face Lexa "She had a huge meeting with a record label two weeks ago ain't that right Celebrity"  
  
"Are you ever going to stop calling me that?" Lexa questions holding a pillow to her chest.  
  
"Probably not. Now tell the story"  
  
"I had a meeting with FOS recording studios, apparently they have been watching me grow for sometime and kept a close eye on me. They want me to sign with them and have my first single released within the next three months while I still have a lot of attention on me" Lexa says like its absolutely nothing and bowing her head.  
  
"Oh my god" Raven screeches "FOS!" Raven barks looking to her own girlfriend in disbelief "That is like a dream contract!"  
  
"I know" Anya says nodding her head proudly while turning back to Lexa. "Have you decided what song yet?"  
  
"Not yet" she says shaking her head but I have a interview in three weeks to talk about the upcoming release so I need to decide"  
  
"Oh my god" Raven says more excited than Lexa has ever seen her. "You are going to be like a proper celebrity"  
  
"Sorry about her" Anya says shaking her head. "She's always been a little slow. So what you doing today?"  
  
"I'm going to the gym then have to meet my manager at the studio fancy coming gym?"  
  
"Food? Hell yes" Anya says with a lot of enthusiasm.  
  
"No gym" Lexa says more clearly incase Anya didn't hear properly.  
  
"Nandos it is" She says getting ready to stand up and get ready.  
  
"I'm going to work out not eat?" Lexa says confused. "You know exercise, did you want to come?"  
  
"Are you on crack?!" Anya says disgusted. "We're going nandos"  
  
"It's 10am. We just ate breakfast"  
  
"Don't worry it opens at 9:30 duh. Won't be long" she says running up the stairs to get changed.  
  
"I worry about her" Raven explains nodding her head.  
  
"me to" she grins supressing her amused laugh ready to burst. Typical Anya, to lazy to work out but never doesn't have food on her brain.  
  
\---  
  
It rare for Clarke to get home earlier than Lexa. Most night she worked late shifts at the hospital and on the other days she would be at university studying in the library until her brain struggled to string a single sentence together never mind work out what can be the main side effects to a tumour and treatments to help. One night she had lost track of time somewhere between her books and the laptop screen infront of her, she was to tired to think, to stressed to know she was to tired to think and all in all completely and utterly exhausted because she was struggling to find the balance between her generous internship, finishing her studies and spending much needed time with her girlfriend. Lexa however had shown up at the library with a gentle smile and worried eyes. She had closed the laptop infront of her before pulling Clarke in to her chest and telling her its time to go home. Only when Clarke hopped in Lexa's car did she read the time 11:30. She had been in the library longer than twelve hours and didn't even realise it. Lexa however remained worried all night, she could see it buried in green eyes but not wanting to push Clarke in saying so, so she held her, made her food, drink and ran her a hot bath before snuggling beneath the sheets. Only when Lexa whispered 'i'm worried about you' when she thought Clarke was asleep did Clarke finally pull a proper healthy schedule together and made sure she was home at a suitable time unless doing late shifts at the hospital.  
On a normal day she would be happy to be home before Lexa so she could wine and dine her in their own home. Clarke knew Lexa loved it simply by the way her eyes would sometimes stare at Clarke in disbelief, how sometimes her eyes would glaze over not from crying but from pure adoration and gentleness, but today was different. Today she wasn't sure if she wanted Lexa to have found the letter before her because that way she would know what to do or even say but instead she stood in the kitchen staring at the perfectly laid out letter with state prison printed at the top, knowing instantly who this letter was from.  
  
"Shit" she muttered gripping the letter even tighter before looking to the front door knowing it wouldn't be long till her beautiful girlfriend walked through that door with a smile on her face only for Clarke to watch it fall. Only a handful of times they had spoken about Lexa's dad and that was only because Clarke had encouraged the conversation herself, pushing a little bit more each time, yet Lexa always remained tight lipped on the subject. She knew Mike was the one to kill her mother, she knew he was a alcoholic maybe even a drug addict too and that he was serving life in prison. She knew the ins and outs on mikes crimes and what Lexa remembers of him, but she could never get her girlfriend to talk about how she feels about him now, after his actions and how he had changed her life forever. She had tried so hard one night when they were both at college, it was nearing time for bed and after talking about more of Clarke's childhood memories, Clarke had been unable to stop herself asking about Lexa's and what she remembered. Lexa's jaw had tightened almost immediately shrugging like she didn't care or couldn't remember until Clarke had asked if she had ever thought about going to visit mike to ask him any questions she needed answered. In the four and a half years she had been with Lexa, she had never seen her reaction quite like that before. The conversation came to a abrupt stop when Lexa bolted up straight in bed with a clenched jaw tighter than Clarke had ever seen it her eyes narrowed on the wall infront of her before zeroing on Clarke before Lexa had snapped 'I don't want to talk about it. Why do you always have to push!?"  
The reaction alone had Clarke shocked and scared as Lexa looked ready to bolt out the room and head back to her own dorm, so she quickly apologised and dropped the subject, ever since Clarke just waited for Lexa to talk herself, only she never choose to talk about Mike.   
  
The sound of the key turning in the lock had Clarke instantly hiding the letter behind her back, and she wasn't even sure why.  
  
"Oh my god that was fucking amazing!" Anya explains stepping in the house closely followed by Lexa. "I even got asked for my autograph" she beams with her step turning in to more of a bounce while Lexa laughs behind her.  
  
"that wouldn't have happened if you didn't tweet where we were" Lexa explains rolling her eyes before they fall on Clarke in the kitchen "Hi babe" Lexa says smoothly her smile already glowing as she drops a bag on the ground.  
  
"Hey"  
  
"I know fucking awesome right" Anya says completely amazed "Clarke! Seriously your girlfriend is like Miss Celebrity" She explains sitting at the breakfast table with amused eyes and a excited smile. "I Tweeted this photo on fricking twitter with Lexa saying what we're doing and BOOM! She had like a fricking gig waiting for her out the studio!" She explains turning to Lexa for support incase Clarke thought she was lying. "They even asked me for my autograph and to join in with photos. Felt fricking famous myself and dude was it awesome, I could totally rock that world"  
  
If Clarke wasn't thinking to much about the letter she was hiding behind her back for no apparent reason at all, she would have laughed at her enthusiastic cousin. Yet she was so she only smiled arkwardly while turning to face Lexa still not sure how to present her with something she was sure she never wanted to receive in her life. "I know, I've been around her when it happens" Clarke admits trying to act as normal as possible while she slipped the letter in her back pocket. "She's kind of a rock star" Clarke admits with a genuine smile towards her Lexa. She really was she had been out with Lexa on many occasions and had more than a few people come up to the brunette asking for a autograph before nervously bombarding her with a few questions. The thing that amused Clarke the most was how they all looked at Lexa star struck and amazed while Lexa simply just didn't get it. It was the cutest most innocent thing but Clarke couldn't help but always feel smug that she was the one who lived with her, the one who kissed her when she was happy or sad, the one who got to see her naked despite how hard the boys and girls would try. She loved how Lexa was still always completely oblivious to everything leaving no competition what so ever.  
  
"Dude I could totally write a book about my life with Lexa" Anya explains deep in though like she was serious. Lexa and Clarke could do nothing but Laugh as they approached one another giving each other a gentle loving kiss like they always did.  "actually i'm totally awesome on my own I could just do it about myself what do you think?"  
  
"Sure, go for it" Clarke says sarcastically that apparently Anya never seems to catch on to.  
  
"Hmm. Actually I'm to lazy for that" she says a little tired of even thinking about typing all those words.  
  
"You know you pay people to type for you" Lexa explain grabbing a apple from the basket while Clarke nudges her not to encourage such stupid ideas.  
  
"Oh. Oh" Anya says a little to excited as her eyes go wide. "I know! that middle button thingy on your phone is like a voice!" she says nodding her head like it the best idea in the world "I could command that bitch"  
  
"Please tell me you're jok-"  
  
"Oh siri!" Anya interrupts holding her hand up while she talks to her phone.  
  
\----  
  
"ok just give it to her" Clarke mutters to herself pacing the bedroom with the letter in her hand. She wasn't sure she was nervous, she wasn't even sure why she hadn't just given the letter to Lexa the moment she walked in but the longer she seemed to wait, the harder it seemed to be. Plonking herself on the bed she admitted defeat. There was no right or wrong way to do this, no matter how much she thought it over, Lexa's reaction was inevitable it always would be because deep down Clarke knew by her refusal to talk about him, refusal to see him and just generally never wanting the mention of him ever again meant the pain and hurt she felt was deeper than she could ever imagine and their was no room for forgiveness.  
  
"What are you doing?" Lexa questioned furrowing her brows with that smile Clarke loved so much as she entered the bedroom. "What's that?" she questioned eyes drifting to the letter Clarke held.  
  
"Sit down" Clarke asks softly only making Lexa frown more but doing exactly as instructed. "This came for you today" Clarke admits still keeping a hold of the letter while she reaches her hand out to enwind with Lexa's. "I didn't want to just give it to you with Anya in the room because I'm not entirely sure how you are going to react"  
  
"What is it?" Lexa questioned squeezing your hand before narrowing her eyes down on the latter.  
  
"It's a letter from your dad" Clarke explains twitching her lip to the side as she focuses completely on Lexa while Lexa's gaze turns to the ground. It was weird to watch but in that very moment she watched the very first Lexa woods come back. The shy nervous girl that daren't say boo to anyone, it was like she was young again and hadn't grown from the young girl she was to the incredible strong woman she is now. Clarke hated it instantly and wanted to rip the letter to shreds almost immediately.  
  
"I won't tell you what to do with it babe, but what ever you decide ill suppo-"  
  
"Throw it away" Lexa said sternly her eyes unable to look up.  
  
"Lexa"  
  
"I said throw it away Clarke. I don't want that" She says full of anger as her eyes snap up along with her body from the bed.   
  
Clarke could all but nod as Lexa just leaves the room with her mood turned sour.   
  
Despite her plea for it to be thrown out, as Clarke looked at the letter once more she was unable to. She believed Lexa needed to read what ever was written on the paper that was sealed so instead tucked it safely in her draw with a heavy sigh.  
  
\---  
  


Things were different and Clarke hated it. It had been a week since a letter had come through the post and six days since Lexa started writing in her journal again. She had always kept a journal anyway so this wasn't out of the ordinary but she had spent less and less time writing in it as the years went on, only turning to the empty pages when she was feeling or going through something she struggled to explain or put in to words. It had become rare to see but each time Clarke would catch her she would find her just as cute as she use to, she would always bite her lip while scribbling things down but somehow that had changed too. She had started writing in it more often than not and Clarke would watch her from afar as she got angry at the empty pages with a deep frown, sometimes Clarke would catch her ripping the paper from the book and scrunching it up before throwing it in the bin and slamming her book closed.  
  
The worst part was it didn't end there.  
  
Most nights Clarke had turned around in bed to find Lexa's space cold and empty. Each time it happened Clarke would wrap her gown around herself and go in search for her girlfriend until she would just know where she is, the basement. They had decided to change it in to a studio one afternoon as no one was using it and Lexa was getting fed up of having cushions thrown at her every time she was trying to write a new song while Raven wanted to watch TV. As Clarke tip toed down the stairs she pulled the door open a little wider so she could see Lexa sitting on a chair playing the piano. She did this every night, as she played with her instruments but struggled to come up with any words to how she was feeling or what she really wanted to say eventually ending up getting more and more frustrated until her hands would slam down hard on the keys like she was broken. Each night Clarke listened and allowed her the space she needed but would stand guard incase she really needed her.  
  
"Don't think you-" Lexa tried it falling flat with a huff. "You don't know what-"  
  
Clarke closed her eyes and lent against the door feeling for her girlfriend. She wasn't sure if to tell Lexa she kept the letter and hand it over again or to wait until she asks about it herself but with each night that passed Clarke found she wanted to give her it even more. She shook her head and breathed outa heavy breath as she heard Lexa get frustrated once again the chair scooting back with a screeched as she whined out. In that very moment Clarke made her choice and before she knew it she was back in the basement with the letter in her dressing gown pocket. She knocked gently on the door careful not to startle the brunette as she walked in.  
  
"Hey" Clarke says with a soft smile. "Can't sleep again?" she questions because that's the only excuse Lexa gave her, but she knew better.  
  
"No" She says slouching back on her chair. "Did I wake you?" she questions regrettably.  
  
"No" Clarke says wrapping her arms around the brunette as she sits on her lap. "You know I can't sleep without you" she breathes placing a soft kiss on Lexa's lips. "What's going on in that head of yours?"  
  
"I don't know" she says honestly bringing her arms around Clarke's back. "I can't write anything. I just-"  
  
"do you think it because of the letter?" Clarke questions cautiously which instantly has Lexa's head snapping up with a frown.  
  
"No" she says instantly. "I just- why would he write me?" she finally questions keeping her gaze down.  
  
"You're his daughter" Clarke explains like its answer enough. She stares in to green eyes for a moment and Clarke can't help but cup her cheek while she pulls the letter from her pocket. She watches as green eyes frown for a moment before focusing back on blue eyes with a questioning look. "Don't hate me" Clarke pleads. "i couldn't throw it away, i didn't want you to regret your immediate decision" she says holding the Letter out for her with the neat handwriting of Alexandria woods written on the envelope. "I think you need to read it" Clarke says softly pressing their foreheads together. "It's your choice though, if you want me to put it in the bin again, i will but don't decided on the pain he has caused you" Clarke says climbing of Lexa's lap.  
  
"I'll give you your space" she whispers.  
  
"Clarke" Lexa says as Clarke reaches the door.  
  
"Yeah"  
  
"Can you just, be here?" She questions nervously as she takes the envelope in both hands. Clarke doesn't say anything, she just nods and quietly takes her seat by Lexa's side as she watches the brunette take a nervous hesitant breathe before peeling the envelope open.

 

 _Alexandria my darling daughter,_  
  
I'm not even sure if you will even read this letter and I wouldn't blame you if you didn't but i have contemplated with myself over and over again whether i should write this or leave it be, however i have decided there are somethings i need to say and need to get out and seen as this is my only option I'm left with no choice.  
You're not a little girl anymore and I'm sure you aware of everything i have done, everything i have taken away from you so cruelly without a second thought.  
I loved your mum very much and there are no excuses for my actions, but i was in such a bad place, money had became a huge issue, then when we had you it only got worse and i just felt like i was caged in a corner so i drank my time away.  
I became a alcoholic fairly quickly and regrettably.  
No apologises will ever be enough i know that, it will never bring your mother back or the childhood you deserved but i want to apologise anyway.  
I'm so sorry.  
I never meant for any of this for you, i remember holding you in my arms for the first time and you were just so small, so perfect and i knew i would never love anything like i loved you in that very moment.  
I'm a different man now, and it seems you have grew in to a beautiful young woman, I've read your name in the papers and I couldn't believe my eyes, you are the splitting image of your mother and she would be extremely proud of you, like I am.  
I know it's a long shot but, i hope one day you can find it in your heart to forgive me, because i would really love to get to know you again.  
I lost that right along time ago i know but i just wanted you to know, not a single day goes by where i don't regret what I've done, what I've caused but unfortunately i have been struck with a terminal illness which has caused me to reach out sooner rather than later.  
I hope to hear back from you, but i won't reach out again if you don't want me to.  
Take care of yourself Alexandria  
With so much love,  
dad  
x

 

"You ok?" Clarke questions and scoots closer after noticing Lexa's eyes repeatedly trailing over the same words. When Lexa doesn't respond Clarke carefully peels the envelope from her hands and puts it aside as she focuses on her girlfriend more worried than only seconds ago. "What did he say?" you question.  
  
"He said he's sorry" Lexa says shyly back to her old four year self. "and he's dying" She adds and Clarke can do all but wrap her arms around the brunette who seems to be frozen to the spot. Despite never having met Lexa's dad she hated how he could turn her back to the small lost girl she use to be instead of the strong independent one she blossomed to be.  
  
"Let's get you to bed" Clarke whispers kissing the side of Lexa's face as she guides her out the studio and to there bedroom.  
  
"Thank you" Lexa whispers quietly gripping Clarke's fingers as she buries her face in her neck.  
  
"For what?"  
  
"Not throwing it away" she confesses and Clarke can all but hold her tighter feeling better that she made the right decision.  
  
"Are you going to write back?" Clarke questions after a moment in to the darkness she had no idea what is said and was yet to read it but right now Lexa was her priority and getting her to sleep because quietly honestly she was worried.  
  
"No" Lexa finally said with a heavy breath. "Can we just, not talk about it and go sleep?" Lexa questions and you just nod with a kiss to her forehead.  
  
\--  
  
"Where's Lexa?" Clarke questions as she enters the kitchen and pulls a apple from the basket.  
  
"Gone for a run!" Raven cringes. "I Swear the girl is crazy"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Who runs at seven in the morning?" Raven questions. "It's weird!"  
  
"Well she want's to keep in shape" Clarke shrugs trying not to think of her girlfriends body in all its heavenly glory, she couldn't deny it had done nothing but get better and better of the years aswel as there sex lives, it seems the fitter Lexa got the more the blonde couldn't keep her hands of her.  
  
"Ew" Raven cringes throwing a honey hoop at Clarke's head. "You are not thinking of her naked right now!"  
  
"Kind of hard not to" Clarke shrugs with a smirk. No one was more proud of Lexa than Clarke whether it was her body, her singing, how far she's come or how she just scrunches up her nose when she's reading.  
  
"Hard not to what?" Lexa questions pulling her last head phone from her ear as she strides straight to the fridge for a bottle of water.  
  
"Think of you naked" Raven says which earns her a deep frown from Lexa and a pink blush. "God, not me. Her!"   
  
"Nearly have a panic attack there huh?" Clarke questions with a smirk as she wraps her arms around Lexa. "You ok?" Clarke questions more seriously looking in to green eyes in hope she understands the silent question.  
  
"Better" Lexa admits planting her lips on Clarkes. "You ready for work?"  
  
"Pretty much"  
  
"Want me to drive you?"  
  
"i wish" Clarke pouts "Niylah's picking me up any minute now"  
  
"Oh right" Lexa says chewing the inside of her lip which makes Clarke laugh.  
  
"Don't worry" she hums "i only have eyes for you. Such a jealous little thing"  
  
"I'm not jealous"   
  
Just like that the sound of a repeated horn is sounded from outside and Clarke is flying out of Lexa's hands in a rush while biting through her apple.  
  
"Don't forget fundraiser tonight!" she shouts as she opens the door.  
  
"I'll be ready!" Lexa just about gets in before the doors slammed closed. "Love you two" she laughs rolling her eyes at how so unorganised her girlfriend is.  
  
\----  
  
"I'm so late" Clarke whines coming through the door and placing her work bag down. She looks up with a frown expecting the stare from Lexa only to see Raven looking at her while biting through pizza. "Where's Lexa?" she frowns, she should be ready by now.  
  
"basement" Ravens says like its obvious. Clarke doesn't waste anymore time asking silly questions, instead she walks down the steps she had walked down every night for the last week and could already hear Lexa's beautiful singing voice through the small crack of the door.

**_"yeah, I'm running away, I'm running away"_ **

Clarke forgets all about the fundraised at just the sound of her girlfriends voice with the keys of the piano being gently played. It's the first time she has sang properly in a week, the first time she has been able to scrape up some words and pull them together to make a sound and Clarke silently feels her chest flutter as her smile grows with proudness at how much strength her girlfriend had. For the first time Lexa doesn't end her few words she pulled together with frustration, instead you hear the piano come to a gentle end until it stops, only then does Clarke open the door with a warmed heart and loving smile.  
  
"Hey you" Clarke finds herself saying hand on the door knob as her head rest a little on the doorframe looking her girlfriend up and down. "You look absolutely beautiful"  
  
"Thank you" Lexa smiles shyly standing from her seat as Clarke's stomach does summersaults as she takes Lexa's dress in. It's a beautiful purple strapless elegant dress while her hair is clipped in a bun showing her strong slender neck. "So do you" she breathes reaching forward to captures the blonde's lips in a lingering kiss.  
  
"Hardly" Clarke shrugs. "I Had to get ready at the hospital" she cringes but Lexa all but smiles because she knew she would have to, Clarke would be late for her own funeral, Lexa was sure of it.  
  
"Are you Calling me a liar Clarke Griffin?" Lexa teases linking there hands together as she pulls Clarke even closer.  
  
"I'm calling you bias" Clarke grins pecking Lexa's lips once more because she can't resist. "You love me, you have to think I'm beautiful"  
  
"Hmm" Lexa hums a little distracted to reply with Clarke's lips, which only makes Clarke a little more smug while proving her point.   
  
"we're going to be late" Clarke says showing no signs of rushing out of this embrace.  
  
"use to it" Lexa mutters her hand resting on Clarke's teasingly tempting thigh.  
  
"Stop" Clarke laughs smacking her chest gently. "Come on"  
  
\---  
  
Fundraisers are meant to be all about raising money for a good cause while having fun in the process. It's about giving back instead of taking because that's all the human race seems to be doing as we get more greedy. Yet Lexa was seething throwing back another glass of champagne while she stood by the bar on her own. She kept telling herself not to turn around, to not look or listen then it won't bother her, but she couldn't help it, Niylah was just standing by her girlfriend side every where she went and it was beginning to get on her nerves.   
  
"What's up kiddo?" Jake questions appearing by your side at the bar and you can't help but smile at the man you have grew to love as your own father. You turn around and look at Clarke before turning back to look at the man who gave you a permanent roof over your head wondering when you got so terrible at hiding how you felt.  
  
"Is it that obvious?" You question shyly while biting your lip as you look in to your fourth empty glass.  
  
"Just a smudge" he grins looking over to his daughter and Niylah who seems to constantly be trying to engage Clarke in conversation and keeping her away from Lexa as much as possible. "You have no worries, you know that right?" he questions as he leans his elbow on the bar while tucking his other hand in his pocket.  
  
"I know" you say but deep down you know you can never rid yourself of the insecurities you have always carried. Clarke is by far the best thing to ever happen to you, and to say that you are more than scared to lose Clarke is a understatement, because honestly you have no idea what you would do.  
  
"I don't think you do" Jake says looking to his daughter once more with a proud smile before turning back to you. "We see you and Clarke what? Once a week?" he questions and you nod because you visit every Sunday with no excuse. "She still non stop talks about you, Lexa's doing this, Lexa's done this" he says through a smile. "Sometimes i want to gag her i admit but the happiness she shows while saying it is so worth it" he breathes and you cant help but smile to as you place your wine glass down and stop drinking your fears down.  
  
"Thank you" You breathe because you didn't realise how lost in your own thought you had become only to be reminded by a few simple words that you're being ridiculously silly again.  
  
"For what?" He frowns. "I did nothing" he says holding his hands up "Didn't even hear from you tonight" he says backing away and you cant help but smile and laugh as you turn around with a new mind set. You stare for a while at your girlfriends posture, the way she holds herself as she speaks to people higher than herself, the way she pays no extra attention to Niylah no matter how much she follows her around and tries to wiggle her way in to every conversation, you shake your head as your smile grows more and you generally wonder when you got so lucky to deserve her, you think you will never find the answer because you will never deserve someone like her, but you never stop fighting to keep her.  
  
"Would you like another?" the bartender questions.  
  
"No thank you" You say sliding your glass across the bar before turning around and heading towards Clarke.  
  
"there you are" Clarke says as she watches you approach and you watch her focus on you alone, you smile because you've been together four and a half years and still you love how she looks at you, you love how she missed you when you're not there, how she know's how you are feeling before you can even conjure up any words to even begin to explain yourself.  
  
"Dance with me" You say and you know you have not only Clarke's eyes on you but Niylahs aswel, but you don't care about her.  
  
"What?" Clarke frowns. "There's no music"  
  
"Dance with me" You say just as softly with a gentle smile as you hold your hand out.  
  
Not a second later she's frowning at you but placing her hand in yours as you guide her to the centre of the room. You turn wrapping your arms around her waist as hers falls around your neck and she looks at you baffled but her smiling growing anyway.  
  
"You ok?" she questions.  
  
"Perfect" you admit squeezing her tighter to bring her even closer.  
  
"Why are we dancing to no music?" Clarke nearly laughs looking around the room to see people looking at them amused but you don't focus on that, if you focus on that you will get nervous and shy and just stop instead you focus on the one thing that makes you feel like you can dance anywhere, like when you're in the rain.  
  
"Because i love you" You confess. "I'm proud of you, you know that right?" you question because maybe you don't tell her enough. She makes it to everyone of your gigs with no complaints while she's balancing her studies and her intern duties at the hospital, honestly you admire her more than you could ever explain.  
  
"i love you too" she breathes and its refreshing to see how serious she quickly becomes as she looks at you with her soft blue eyes trying to work out what's wondering through your head.  
  
"plus I'm jealous" you breathe feeling your cheeks pinker as Clarke's smile grows.  
  
"Niylah?" Clarke questions because this isn't the first time "babe, trust me when i say i really don't look at her that way"  
  
"I know" you say honestly. "i just don't like that she tries"  
  
"I don't even notice" Clarke admits bringing her forehead to rest on yours forgetting everyone else herself. "i'm either thinking of you, what my next essay will be about, who my next patient will be and what i need to remember or reminding myself i need to eat!" she smirks and you can't help but smile with her.  
  
"I actually do that last one for you"  
  
"See, i can't even think of all those things on my own, never mind a woman who isn't my type, i don't find attractive, never mind love" She explains holding you closer as she soothes your cheek with her thumb. "Plus i don't know if you know this but when i said I'd marry you one day i really meant it"  
  
"I hope so" You breathe feeling so light you could evaporate.  
  
"Do you want to go?" Clarke questions.  
  
"No" you shake your head with a wider smile. "You're up for auction i would like a challenge" you grin and Clarke can't help but laugh along.  
  
"You get to take me for dinner every night" Clarke says like you're being silly. "You don't need to pay for it"  
  
"i would rather have nothing than see you on a date with another" You say honestly with a smile "Plus it's for charity"  
  
\---  
  
"Next we have Clarke Griffin. She's a intern at the hospital, she loves the rain and she gets grouchy when she's hungry" The presenter reads from a card as Clarke walks on stage with a nervous smile, you can't help but smile  proudly at her before looking around to see who looks interested.  
  
"The bidding will start at Twenty five dollars"  
  
"$25" a man shouts from the far right corner in the room and you instantly hate how he's looking at her.  
  
"$50"  
  
"$100"  
  
Your head barely has time to land on the person to each bid before the next one is called.  
  
"$150"  
  
"$300"  
  
Apparently Clarke is popular in the room.  
  
"500 dollars" Jake shouts from the top of his lungs earning a few stares which instantly makes you smile until the girl behind you, the girl who's voice you know shouts a higher big.  
  
"$600" You turn and look at Niylah with narrowed eyes for her to only shrug at you "It's for charity" she says quietly to you like that's the only reason she's doing it.  
  
"$800" the dirty man from the corner shouts again and you've had enough, Jake you could lose to quite happily but all the bids are making you nervous and anxious and you blur out for just a second as you raise your hand with your own bid.  
  
"$5000" You shout as people applause your bid and turn to look at you, either for being a idiot or very generous. Clarke widens her eyes at you warning you to stop with a amused smile on her lips.  
  
"$5500" the old man tries once more.  
  
You turn around with a smug smile as you look at Niylah telling her she's yours, telling her you will always win, no matter what and with that you shout out another effortless bid well worth the money.  
  
"$10000"  
  
"ten thousand pounds, going once, going twice, gone" The man says tapping his little hammer on his desk like his a professional you smile proudly a little smug as your prize approaches you.  
  
"Lexa!" Clarke says with widened eyes.  
  
"Worth every penny" you say quickly letting your lips fall on her's to shut her up. Money is not a issue for you, you know that and so does Clarke and this is possibly the best thing you have ever used it for. "Now we can go home, we've done our bit i think" You whisper pulling your girlfriend and your date for tomorrow night out the door.  
  
\---  
  
"You" Clarke breathes panting against your lips as her arms reach around your back to unzip your dress. "Are a" her tongue is gentle yet demanding as she brushes it against yours pushing you backwards till you hit the couch and fall back. "Idiot" she finally says before attacking your neck. You smile because you know she loves that you bid for her,  
you know that you have turned her on, because you are so jealous, possessive and protective of her in the best of ways.  
  
"I would have paid 20" You breathe as you toss her beneath you, your hair falling around your face as it falls out the neat bun you spent a lot of time on earlier. Your lips are on hers immediately as your hands wonder down her body finally pushing that little black dress of her thigh until it's around her stomach. "you're so beautiful" you breathe nipping her bottom lip as your heart race speeds up at the sounds of her sinful moans.  
  
"I would have killed you" she lies. "and you would be sleeping on the couch"  
  
"Hm" You smirk pulling your own dress down so Clarke can finally touch you in places you need her to. "Worth it" you stand by your decision, honestly you would have paid every last penny in your bank including the rent due next week just so no one could get that luxury with  your girlfriend. "Do you think we should go upstairs?" You mumble between sloppy kisses.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Raven?"  
  
"We should be good. It's Friday" Clarke says quickly pulling your lips back on hers just as eagerly to shut you up. "Now take your pants of, you've been naughty!"  
  
  
___  
  
"Hey you" Clarke breathes tickling your neck as you lay naked beneath the blanket infront of the fire.  
  
"hi" you say sweetly.  
  
"Can i ask you something?"  
  
"Anything" you sat turning in your embrace to face her.  
  
"What are you going to do about your dad?" she questions with blue eyes aimlessly studying you.  
  
"Nothing" you shrug. You have thought about it, about his letter, everything he has done. "He took the one person away from me who meant everything, i don't care for his reasoning, i can't forgive him and i wont. He's not my father, he's nothing, he's just a piece of my past i wont to erase"  
  
"I heard you singing again?" Clarke questions  
  
"Yeah" you say swallowing hard, you don't know if its wrong for that letter to give you inspiration but it did. "i guess it inspired me" You say sheepishly.  
  
"I look forward to hearing it one day" She says softly like she always does.  
  
"Me to" you admit nuzzling your noses together before giving her a slow tender kiss. $10000 didn't do Clarke justice, no amount of money ever would.


	38. SEQUAL/Proposal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa proposes, but she doesn't get down on one knee :D 
> 
> This will be the last chapter as the sequal didn't really hit it of so ill leave it here :D Thanks everyone!

** Lost and Insecure! **

 

Thursdays had become Clarkes favourite day of the week for two simple reasons. One being Lexa would always be waiting in Abby's office for her with a single rose in hand, and the second being it was date night. Ever since Lexa released her first official single there life quickly changed over night, where ever Lexa would go the paparazzi would follow not only her but Clarke too, they wanted to know the ins and outs of their lives together, they wanted to no where they ate, what they wore, even what mood they were in, sometimes it could become extremely intense. It had almost been two years since she released her first single, and although at first Lexa had struggled getting use to her new fame she had struggled even harder with her anxiety. Every day she fort it in one way or another and Clarke couldn't be more proud that she was confronting her demons instead of letting it take hold of her life like she had allowed it for so long.  
  
"Hey you" Came the familiar voice as Clarke practically barged in her mothers office with excitement. Turns out Lexa's fame had changed many things even the amount of time they spend together while Lexa's schedule quickly became even busier than her own despite working double shifts at the hospital. At the beginning of the change Lexa and Clarke found themselves apart more than they were together, struggling to adjust around each others schedule with Clarke working at the hospital for days at a time, while Lexa had to be one end of a town to another country all together. It was almost like they wasn't together at all and the press loved to kick them while they were down.  
  
"Hi" Clarke beamed eyes flickering briefly to the rose in Lexa's hand before her arms were pulling her girlfriend in with a death grip. It had been two solid days since she had seen her in person, since she had kissed her and help her and breathed her in, so Clarke wasted no time in pressing her lips to Lexa's in a lingering passionate kiss that told her exactly how much she had missed her. "You're early" Clarke whispers against pouty lips before she's kissing them tenderly again.  
  
"I couldn't wait any longer" Lexa confesses while her arms wrap around Clarke's waist forgetting all about the rose she had took fifteen minutes to hand pick from a florist. "I can wait here while you finish up"  
  
"Don't bother" Clarke grins biting her bottom lip while her mind wonders down sinful paths that were inevitable to happen after all date night. "Niylah said she will finish up for me"  
  
Ah Niylah.  
  
The women who had been the centre of many arguments during there dark patch over eight months ago. After just about seeing one another for a few hours in a single week for three solid months straight Clarke hit breaking point. Lexa had came home early hours in the morning expecting everyone to already be asleep, only Clarke wasn't. She was sitting in the living room holding Lexa's journal in her hand and the moment her blue eyes looked up to Lexa's, Lexa's heart dropped instantly with worry.  
  
****  
  
  
_"Clarke?" Lexa says a little panicked as she drops her keys on the side and moves quickly in to the living room._  
  
"Why am I scared to read this?" Clarke questioned out of no where as Lexa took a seat by her girlfriend in a panic. "You gave me permission to read this when ever I wanted. When ever there was something going through your head that I struggle to understand, when ever I wanted to know something I wasn't sure of, this spoke for you when you couldn't" Clarke explained.  
  
"I don't understand" Lexa mumbled with a furrowed brow while reaching out for her girlfriends hand, only when she did Clarke moved her hand away dropping her gaze to the floor, and suddenly Lexa felt like she had just been scolded from her fingers to her toes.  
  
_"I can't keep doing this anymore"  Clarke whimpers a sharp sniffle ringing in Lexa's ears as the words hit her. Clarke stood up abruptly wiping at her face before turning to face Lexa. "I don't see you anymore" She says trying not to break all over again. "I don't feel like I'm in a relationship with you Lexa" she says with tears streaming down her cheeks but she refuses her voice to break once again. "You're never here anymore. You're always working, or to tired to travel back home so you stay in hotels"_  
  
_"Clarke" Lexa says in a panic quickly reaching out for her girlfriend. Despite Clarke's objections to be held Lexa does it anyway and takes her hand in her own pleading for her to stop talking nonsense._  
  
_"I'm sorry" Lexa pleads while green eyes connect with blue. "I'm sorry" She repeats because she knows things have been different. "I love you Clarke" She confesses not noticing her own tears build._  
  
_"It's not the same anymore" Clarke says sadly her eyes dropping to the ground but Lexa refuses to let her face go as she brings there gazes back together with a even deeper furrow to her brow._  
  
_"What isn't?" Lexa questions urgently. "I love you Clarke" she says more determined than ever. "that has never and will never change" She breathes eyes searching Clarke's face for something, anything. But all she see's is sadness with eyes unbelieving so Lexa holds her even tighter because this is not happening right now. Not ever. "Clarke" Lexa says desperately her voice cracking at the thought of Clarke having enough. The silence lingers for a moment until Clarke blinks yet another tear down her face, its then she actually looks at Lexa directly its then Lexa goes to speak only to stop as Clarke starts herself._  
  
_"Is there someone else?" Clarke questions her eyes unable to stay on Lexa any longer, scared of the answer, scared of the possibility of the woman she loves walking away with another while she's left behind heart broken and lost._  
  
_"what?" Lexa questions in disbelief her grip loosening from the shock of the question until Clarkes pulling away from the embrace her arms crossing protectively over her chest. Very little people see Clarke in a venerable position, she's not scared to cry infront of the world, or declare her sappy feelings either its just not much can ever get to her. It takes someone special for her to get like this, for her to have her heart on her sleeve while she bares all, you either stamp on it or take care of it. "Clarke" Lexa says a little speechless while looking at her like she can't be serious right now._  
  
"It's a simple question Lexa" Clarke says more sternly needing the answer.  
  
"No" Lexa says harder than normal with her back straightening at the accusation. She's hurt. "How can you even ask me that?"  
  
"I hardly see you anymore" Clarke says sadly slouching on the couch before putting her face in her hands. "You're always gone and you make no time for me anymore. You're living this big new life now, there's  just no room for me anymore. You use to travel for hours just to be with me no matter what"  
  
"So you assume I'm cheating!" Lexa snaps. "I'm not the one who has someone flirting with me all day everyday"  
  
"What's that suppose to mean" Clarke says her head snapping up. The argument was quickly escalating to something more than it should be.  
  
"Nothing. Forget I said anything" Lexa says shaking her head as she turns away to the kitchen.  
  
"Don't walk away from me Lexa, what does that mean!" Clarke snaps hot on Lexa's trail.  
  
"It means every where you go Niylah's by your side, Everything you do Niylah's there. Niylah this, Niylah that" Lexa snaps spinning around on the spot. "She is besotted with you, you would have to be blind not to see it"  
  
_"That is ridiculous!" Clarke says furrowing her brows. "We're friends Lexa. That's it"_  
  
_"Are you sure about that?" Lexa questions her arms crossing across her chest once again. "because I've been with you Clarke, I've watched her myself" Lexa explains looking to the floor in anger remembering all the times Niylah had hit on her girlfriend right in front of her eyes she dreaded to think how many times she did it when she wasn't around, but Clarke was oblivious and didn't believe her, or she just didn't want to see it so Lexa kept her mouth shut time and time again, not one to speak up but also not wanting to embarrass Clarke. "When ever I call you you're with her" Lexa says defeated. "you're busy eating lunch, or having a drink after work. I try Clarke, but i can't do this on my own"_  
  
_"You guys alright?" Raven says walking in to the kitchen wrapped in a blanket still half asleep._  
  
_"Yeah" Clarke says quickly. "Sorry we woke you up. Go back to bed" Clarke instructs but Raven takes one more look at the both of you before leaving again. It's silent for a moment while both allow the screaming words to settle in._  
  
_"i decided to wait for you to call me when you're free because i didn't want to keep disturbing you. I know how hard you have worked to get where you are and you know I'm so proud of that despite you not needing to work. But i couldn't keep calling you to hear about everything you're doing with the woman that's trying to get in your knickers. You think I'm imagining it and that's fine, but if you're so sure ask her. Ask her if she wants something more" Lexa says with a sadness to her tone but she knows she's right. "I love you Clarke and i always will but you know me" Lexa explains moving into the living room to grab her journal._  
  
_"You say you're scared to read this but its for all the wrong reasons" Lexa explains handing over the book. "I Would never look at another woman because I'm in love with you. What ever page you choose to read will say that, but i do speak of Niylah in this on a lot of occasions, what she says, what she does" Lexa explains dropping her hands to the side as Clarke looks at the book._  
  
_"I think we need time to cool down" Clarke suggest finally looking back up to Lexa. "You can sleep on the couch tonight"_  
  
_The words slice deeper than Lexa ever expected but she nods silently non the less as her gaze stays on the ground. It's only been a handful of times when Lexa feels every feeling, every emotion from when she was younger, the scared girl that was lost looking for someone to hold her and tell her everything will be ok, but as Clarke walked silently up the stairs with her journal in hand Lexa felt seventeen all over again, the one where she closed of and curled in on herself. Kicking her shoes off before laying across the couch, she should be konked out in a few seconds flat due to her long day, but unfortunately it didn't work that way. She laid for what felt like hours staring at the ceiling, they had never slept separate before, even after little bickers they had always shared a bed holding one another but this was different._  
  
_Just as Lexa's eyes started to close the creak of the floor board on the second step had her eyes opening again, until Clarke was standing in front of her looking at her in a softer way than hours before. Without needing to even think Lexa scooted further back on the couch while opening the blanket for Clarke to scoot in._  
  
_"I'm sorry" Clarke muttered her arms coming around Lexa's waist in a death grip. "I just miss you so much" Clarke whispered but Lexa heard the crack in her voice, the vulnerability, the insecurity and more importantly the love._  
  
_"I miss you too" Lexa confessed pressing her forehead to Clarke's while closing her eyes to savour the moment. Clarke wasn't wrong a distance had been growing between them due to there terrible work schedules and there insecurity's that neither one of them had discussed. "you're more important to me than anything" Lexa hummed pressing her lips to Clarke's in a lingering kiss._  
  
_"I'm Scared" Clarke confessed curling in to a ball against Lexa while playing with the baby hairs on the back of her neck. "I'm scared i'll lose you"_  
  
_"That wont happen." Lexa said seriously cupping Clarke's face. "We need to just come to a arrangement that suits both of us. Make time and trust one another"_  
  
_"I do trust you" Clarke says eyes flickering to green ones. "I just, I get scared sometimes and i can't help all the things that i think about. Sometimes i might just need you to tell me I'm a idiot"_  
  
_"You're a idiot" Lexa smiles her thumb gliding back and forth against Clarke's cheek as her smile grows to._  
  
_"i Read your journal" Clarke says after a moment. "I didn't realise how much she bothers you"_  
  
_"It's not her personally, its just with you"_  
  
_"I don't look at her that way, you know that right?"_  
  
_"sometimes" Lexa says honestly. "Sometimes it feels like you like it"_  
  
_"I don't!" Clarke says quickly. "I mean i don't even know she's doing it. I'm Sorry"_  
  
_"Sh" Lexa hushes pulling her lover closer because god it feels like forever since they held one another. "Lets not get to this again"_  
  
****

The next time Clarke saw Niylah she asked her in private if she had feelings towards her more than friendship. Hesitantly Niylah has said yeah but she would never act on them unless Clarke wanted her to. After that everything changed, Clarke had made it perfectly clear nothing would ever happen between them, not only because she was with Lexa, but because she didn't look at her that way. Lexa totally wore a told you so smirk that night as Clarke replayed the conversation while admitting she really couldn't blame her for wanting Clarke at all. Clarke decided it was in Niylah's best interest to give her time away from Clarke to help her feeling evaporate, Lexa couldn't deny she felt more at ease than ever to hear that. Slowly everything started fitting back in their correct slots until Clarke and Lexa became Clexa in the magazines all over again. Despite them always promising to come home unless Lexa was out of the country Thursday was their absolute favourite night of the week.  
  
"Where are you taking me this time?" Clarke questions biting her lip flirtatiously.  
  
"Somewhere special" Lexa grinned wiggling her brows at she pulled Clarke even tighter against her.  
  
"Sounds.. You" Clarke confessed "I just need to get changed quick" Just as Clarke is pulling away Lexa quickly pulls her back looking her up and down in her blue scrubs and white coat, she had seen it on Abby on a regular basis when they lived at home, but there was something about the way Clarke wore it.  
  
"You don't have to"  
  
"is that right?" Clarke questions seductively, her eyes already trailing down lexa's slender neck down to her exposed chest before being rudely cut of by Lexa's black vest. "and what would you have me doing?" She teases pulling at Lexa's loops to her jeans while painfully leaning closer to her lips but not nearly close enough.  
  
"I would-"  
  
"Girls!" Abby says a smile spreading across her lips as she walks in and throws the files on her desk. "Date night again?" she question as Clarke steps away from Lexa with a silent smirk that tells her she's lucky because they certainly wouldn't be leaving this office anytime soon.  
  
"Yeah" Lexa says trying to distract her sinful thought and the way Clarke's finger is still looped in her jeans. "You doing anything special tonight?"  
  
"Oh the best" She says sarcastically "I have a spinal surgery in a hour"  
  
"I'm going to get changed quick" Clarke whispers pecking your lips and disappearing while you turn to Abby fully.  
  
"All set for tonight?" Abby says the moment the doors closed.  
  
"I think so" You say nervously patting the pocket of your leather jacket to make sure the ring is still in there. "What if she says no?" She says nervously while playing with her fingers. It was a habit she still couldn't grow out of.  
  
"Oh honey" Abby say stepping in Lexa's personal space and clasping her hands over her face. "She loves you more than anything. I would be surprised if she hasn't got a book hidden away somewhere with all the decisions made already." Abby laughs before she has time to tear up. Carefully Abby take's Lexa's hands in her own and looks at her with a softness only a mother could. "When Clarke was just a little girl me and Jake renewed our wedding vows, and Clarke put on a pretty little princess dress while she stood at the alter with us" Abby explains. "She had told us she wanted to hear our vows properly so refused to sit in her seat. The ceremony continued and while we read our vows to one another Clarke had a death drip on her Dads trouser leg as she watched, then as he kissed me Clarke couldn't stop smiling. She pulled us down to her height and declare to us she couldn't wait till she gets married. Jake had teased her telling her that would never happen because no one was aloud to marry his little girl because no one could possibly deserve her. He dreaded that day when someone would ask for permission but when you asked him Lexa" Abby says softly squeezing Lexa's hands in her own. "He got emotional" she grins. "He couldn't think of anyone better, because he knows he doesn't even need to tell you to take care of his little girl. You just did the moment you walked in her life. Getting Clarke to say yes will be the easiest thing you will ever do. Jake on the other hand would have been your challenge and I think if you left it much longer he would of been asking you himself when you would pop the question" Abby laughs her eyes watery from tears because her beautiful family certainly are something.  
  
"Thank you" Lexa babbles her tears already trickling down her face before Abby could wipe them away.  
  
"Come on" Abby says breathing deeply herself. "We need to stop this before she comes back, or she won't let it go"  
  
\---  
  
"is this really necessary?" Clarke whines making sure her hairs not splayed messily around the blindfold.  
  
"Nope" Lexa laughs.  
  
"Then why am I wearing it?"  
  
"I wanted to see how long you would last"  
  
Without another word Clarke was pulling the blindfold from her eyes to give Lexa daggers. Daggers that weren't all that convincing considering the smile paints Clarke's lips and the way her brows lifted in challenge before she's yawning her head off.  
  
"Tired?" Lexa questioned.  
  
"I'm not a night owl you know" Clarke says with a grin.  
  
"Or a early bird"  
  
"I know I'm some kind of really exhausted pigeon all the time" she whines.  
  
"We can go home if you want? I know you've had a long day" Lexa offers thinking of the ring in her pocket. It could wait she thinks, until the moment is perfect.  
  
"Don't even think about it, I look forward to this every week" Clarke says honestly reaching out for Lexa's hand on the gear stick. "It's just you and me"  
  
"You and me" Lexa repeats with a wide spread smile as she pulls up infront of her destination. "We're here"   
  
Lexa unbuckles her seat belt before stepping out the car, watching a very puzzled blonde step up beside her.  
  
"A fair?" Clarke says looking for other people. "It looks closed" She frowns turning to Lexa for a explanation.  
  
"That's because it is" Lexa says through a amused smile taking Clarke's hands in her own and pulling her through the fair. "Its only open to us" She explains admiring all the pretty lights and some workers standing behind some a few small fun games.    
  
"What?" Clarke asked confused her brow furrowing even more as she turns to look at the few people working with smiles on there faces. "You paid for it privately"   
  
"Yes"   
  
"Lexa" Clarke says a little dumbfounded as she turns to the brunette eyes wide and mouth open. "This must have cost a fortune" Clarke says while eyeing the size of the fair. "You didn't have to do that"  
  
"I wanted to" Lexa says simply. "Everywhere we go we get interrupted"   
  
"You know I don't mind" Clarke tries to explain wrapping her arms around her girlfriends neck.  
  
"I know" Lexa says capturing Clarke's lips in a simple kiss. "But I wanted it to be just me and you. Just once, no interruptions Plus there's a reason" Lexa grins kissing her once more before pulling her with her to a fun game stall.   
  
"Remember this?" Lexa questions pulling her up to two ladders leading up to a bell to win a surprise.    
  
"Halloween" Clarke breathes a smile forming at the memory. It felt like forever ago since they were back in high school sharing there first bunch of kisses. They hadn't a clue back then what life had installed for them, but standing here with the same woman that still is capable of making her feel a explosive amount of emotions at once in the best thing she could have hoped for. "We competed" Clarke smirks turning to green eyes.  
  
"You beat me last time" Lexa says looking to the ladder. "that won't happen again" She says confidently.  
  
"Have I ever told you confident Lexa turns me on?" Clarke husks pulling at Lexa's jacket to give her a deep kiss that has Lexa's arms wrapping her while shuddering against Clarke's lips. "You're still going to lose though" Clarke whispers pulling from the kiss to quickly place one more leaving Lexa confused for a few seconds. Yet as Clarke gets in position Lexa quickly remembers what they were about to do and gets in place too.  
  
"Ready?" The man asks standing to the side. They both nod in union and before they can do anything else other than smirk at one another they're off. The moment Lexa steps on the ladder she works out balancing it quickly placing her feet directly in the middle, the longer she waited the more it threatened to flip so she moved quickly step after step keeping her hands in sync just as she's about to ring the bell Clarke's goes of before she's crashing to the bouncy castle.  
  
"To slow" Clarke laughs looking up to the brunette before she crashing down beside her.  
  
"Out of three?" Lexa suggest making Clarke laugh harder.   
  
"Sure" Clarke grins pulling her girlfriend above her to kiss her. "I love you" she mumbled attacking Lexa's lips even quicker than before not wanting her to get up and go anywhere at all. Honestly if Lexa just stayed on top of her all night it would still be one of her best dates ever. Only Lexa could do this, no matter how much people tried Lexa was the only one that could make her forget her workload, make her forget people she had thought hard to save but failed, she was the only one who could make her feel young again and Clarke loved every single bit of it.   
  
"i'll love you even more when I win" Lexa whispers before quickly jumping of the blonde and getting in position.   
  
"That will never happen" Clarke laughed climbing to her feet.   
  
Like Clarke predicted she won all three earning her a beautiful pout from Lexa's lips. Clarke could do nothing but kiss it away and admired her attempts before admitting she use to do them all the time with Anya and her dad, they had family competitions like this all the time. It was something new Lexa was forever learning and she hoped she would never stop. They played every fun game they could find, one was throwing a ball at some cans needing to knock everyone down. Clarke pretended she didn't see Lexa's jaw straighten when she proudly knocked them all down with one ball, While Lexa ignored Clarke's bragging when she won the ball through the hoop game.   
  
"This was different" Clarke says softly pulling her candy floss from her stick and shoving it in her mouth before turning to face Lexa shyly. "Thank you" Clarke says her blue eyes focusing on Lexa's beautiful face before her hand comes up to cup Lexa's cheek. "Not just for the date. For everything" Clarke breathes stepping a little bit closer. "For loving me" She hums trailing her thumb along Lexa's bottom lip just because she knew she loved it.  
  
"Loving you is the easiest thing I've ever done" Lexa confesses green eyes sparkling as they look in to blue. "I should be the one saying thank you" Lexa confesses. If it wasn't for Clarke she wouldn't be here today. Clarke brought her out her shell, taught her how to step out of her comfort zone and live, she taught her how to love and what it's like to be loved.   
  
"You could have any girl you wanted" Clarke says through a playful smile but deep down Lexa knew Clarke had a insecurity about her new found fame. Apparently just because you are in the public eye you attract millions of fans that claim to be in love with you. Men and women would happily bow down to be with Lexa and had read some disturbing tweets over the years confirming just that. However Lexa never entertained any of it, instead she would prefer to spend her time showing her girlfriend she had no worries and she would continue to do so as long as it takes. "Everyone wants you"  
  
"None of them are you" Lexa admits honestly brushing her finger along a blonde lock. "None of them even know me" That's all Lexa had to say to Clarke to have her feeling like she was on top of the world all over again. Deep down she knew, she knew Lexa was forever hers but she would never tire of hearing it. "Come" Lexa instructs taking Clarke's hand in her own as she walks her to the end of the fair until they were standing infront of the Ferris wheel. Lexa turned to Clarke squeezing her hand softly, this could go either way really.  
  
"What?" Clarke says looking at the huge ride. "I can't go on that" She shakes her head. Her fear in heights had never improved but Lexa wanted her to do this with her.  
  
"Please" Lexa says softly turning to hold her girlfriend. "I won't let you go. You've done it with me before"  
  
"That was because you never rid one before, plus Costia would have had a field trip with you on that ride back in high school" Clarke says giving Lexa the look as in see I thought for you.  
  
"Well this time I have something to show you"  
  
"If its how far ill fall to my death I'm good thanks" Clarke says looking how high the ride is. "It's bigger" She says like she's thinking about it while twitching her lip but Lexa can't help but smile.  
  
"I'll kiss you again" Lexa offers making Clarke smile too.  
  
"Don't even thinking about letting me go" Clarke warns her jaw tightening as she takes Lexa's hand in her own.  
  
"I won't" She promises gripping it just as tightly as Clarke as they are guided to a seat before being strapped in.  "Ready?"  
  
"No" Clarke whines her eyes closing as the ride begins to slowly move, her hands gripping Lexa's tighter than she ever has.  
  
Suddenly all the nerves Lexa's been trying to avoid feeling all night seem to overwhelm her as she looks out to the night sky squeezing Clarke's hand back. She hadn't prepared a speech because words never went her way anyway, plus Clarke always seems to guide her through her troubles, so she thought writing a speech would be time wasting. Looking at Clarke with her eyes closed had her heart fluttering at the fond memories from their Halloween Carnival where Clarke rid this this with her despite the fear she felt, yet the moment she kissed Clarke she forgot where she was, her fear evaporated, and Lexa felt like for the first time her heart pounded with meaning.  
  
"Do you remember this the first time round?" Lexa questioned her voice breaking just a little bit.  
  
"Hard to forget" Clarke confessed eyes still closed while her knuckles turned white around Lexas.  
  
As easy as this would be with Clarke's eyes closed Lexa wanted them open. So like the first time she leaned Closer and softly pushed her lips to Clarkes who instantly responded with a hint of a smile. It was like de ja vu, back to when she was petrified, back to when she was scared to kiss Clarke with out her initiating it, but here they six years later. She wasn't scared to kiss the woman she loved anymore, infact she felt like she lived for it. Just as she felt Clarke's body relax around her's she parted her lips keeping her forehead pressed to Clarke as she panted for breath.  
  
"Clarke" Lexa says softly placing her hand on Clarke's cheek. "There's something you don't know" She says honestly watching blue eyes flicker open to stare directly in to green making Lexa smile even wider, because Clarke trust her again. "It feels like forever ago since we did this. Like another life or something. Yet I remember it so vividly, I remember always feeling scared. I thought I wasn't normal and no matter how much I tried to fit in I just couldn't" Lexa admitted never looking away once as she held Clarke even closer. "no matter how I felt about myself, you always made me feel different, better. I can't explain it, but you always seemed so strong, scared of nothing I admired you so much for it" Lexa said honestly with a wide spread smile causing Clarke to smile a small one while looking at Lexa questioningly. "Then we came on this ride and you were just so scared, i'd never seen you scared of anything I even wondered if you had a fear at all. But you got on, you fort through your fears and worries and just did it. For the first time I didn't feel so weird, you made me feel normal in that moment, because it wasn't me scared, but you placed your trust in me" Lexa admitted her eyes sparkling remembering the feeling. "When I first met you I didn't hear sirens, I didn't get goose bumps, and I didn't feel a spark" Lexa breathes squeezing Clarke's hand.  
  
"Lex" Clarke says nervously but her eyes are sparkling as she places her hand on Lexa's cheek lovingly.  
  
"I didn't feel all of those things when I first met you. Yet when we were up on that Ferris wheel I felt like I couldn't breathe because you were so intoxicating. It was the first time I felt like someone trust me, the first time like I felt like you were really looking at me and god I couldn't look away from you" Lexa hummed honestly. "I fell in love with you so quickly after that"  Lexa grinned with a small giggle. "and I know i'll never be capable of loving anyone like you, and I don't care to find out" Lexa breathed swallowing harshly as she reached in her leather pocket and pulled out a velvet black box. She watched Clarke's eyes drop to it immediately before her eyes widened and was looking in to green eyes once more, they were already watering as her smile grew to a size Lexa has never seen it before.  
  
"I don't want you to trust anyone how you do me. More importantly No one could possibly love you how I do" Lexa breathed looking how high they are. "I love you Clarke Griffin. You didn't make my heart beat faster, you created my heart on your own, you taught it everything it knows so I plan on loving you until I take my last breath" Tears are streaming down both there faces as they sit god knows how high in the air. "I want to Marry you Clarke, god I've wanted to marry you for so long" Lexa laughs pulling open the ring as Clarke clasps her hands over her mouth with tear stained eyes.  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"I haven't asked yet" Lexa laughs.  
  
"You don't need to" Clarke says quickly "It's always been yes!" Clarke mumbled against Lexa's lips and then they are kissing. It's all tongue and smiles and biting lips and soft tears pressing against the others cheek. Clarke completely forgets about the height and Lexa completely forgets to slide the ring on Clarke's finger. Instead they hold one another kiss until they can't breath and look at one another with so much adoration Clarke's heart feels full.  
  
"I love you so much" Clarke breathes between kisses making Lexa smile against her lips.  
  
"Oh the ring" Lexa quickly remembers making Clarke laugh spreading her fingers out as Lexa slides it on.  
  
"It's beautiful" Clarke admits finally admiring it. Honestly she didn't truly look at it when Lexa asked, because it never mattered what ring was on her finger, as long as Lexa was the one to put it on.  
  
  
When they finally got of the ride they took longer than necessary getting of the grounds because If it wasn't one of then pulling them to a holt to make out it was the other. Not that either of them were complaining. It took Clarke less than five minutes after entering the car to face time her dad while instantly flashing the ring infront of the Camera. He got emotion on the camera too. He was a babbling mess Betime he stopped speaking and couldn't wait to see them next week. When Clarke got home she didn't tell Raven, she started showing her left hand off until Raven eventually saw the diamond ring on her finger. Lexa swears she still hasn't heard a squeal like it. Raven pounced on both of them and demanded to know everything while Anya just hit Lexa and said about dam time too!  
  
Abby was right she really had nothing to worry about, it was always a yes. Now Lexa woods would become officially a Griffin.


End file.
